Kids accessing (owning!) smartphones and having (largely) unsupervised internet-access

[CrispyBiscuit]

My sister-in-law told me yesterday that she plans to buy my nephew (who turned eleven in April) his OWN smartphone next month.    I asked her if she would like to buy my old iPhone as I just assumed that she was going to allow him to get it for gaming only.    She declined and explained, "No, he wants internet".       I was FLOORED at this.        I just cannot fathom allowing a kid (UNDER AGE 18) to have unsupervised internet access.      I've seen for myself what garbage comes up in the most benign searches and KNOW that I'm not the only one who has experienced this on occasion.   I don't feel my child has to be a "bad" kid to be inherently CURIOUS.    My son is only 9 but IF, (Heaven forbid), some nudity/pornographic image came up he would naturally be CURIOUS as to what it was about.     Do people not realize how damaging a child's viewing nasty images/videos/etc. are to them long-term ?   

I was at vacation bible school today teaching a group of 20 third grade boys.     We passed a bucket around and 3 of them turned over their smartphones/iPods!      

 

This piqued my curiosity and so I "interviewed" our assistant (who was helping in our class) who was a young lady about to be in 9th grade.    I asked her by what age do MOST kids own their own personal smartphone.    She said "12"  !!!   She said, "Some of them get them at around age 9, but MOST kids have them by 12 or 13"  ! ! !

I clarified:   "Are they capable of accessing internet or are they mainly for gaming?"    She said that they are capable of everything:  calls, texts, internet, etc.   ! ! !       

WHAT!?!?!?!!!!

 

It seems like I'm in the minority as to seeing this as a serious problem and a grave risk to kids.

 

Don't parents know that kids are taught at extremely EARLY ages how to cover their tracks and hide searches?    

Do they seriously think that MOST children would not be inherently curious about sexuality and that a kid would "self-regulate" when faced with these temptations!?!

 

My son will never (while under my roof) have unsupervised access to internet.    Our computer is in a VERY public place in our house and, when he's on it, I'm literally 4 feet away and looking in constantly.    He's not allowed to just search willynilly.   If he wants to look up something, I do the search.     I don't even scroll quickly through the images (if we do an image search); I PREVIEW them as I look and THEREAFTER he gets to look at the images.     He's only allowed to use specific websites that I initiate and monitor (to make sure he's ONLY on THAT website) and doesn't have other "windows" open.  And I take my supervision SERIOUSLY -- I don't go fold clothes or go walk off and forget to continue to monitor.    He doesn't get much computer time period but, when he does, I'm there.    My son isn't allowed to use my Smartphone (RARELY he'll get to play a game) and, when he has it, I turn the data OFF so he won't be exposed to radiation.

 

And what about the PHYSICAL dangers (radiation from them)?!!   They are serious!   It's a proven FACT that they increase risk of cancer in adults and especially in kids!

 

http://healthychild.org/cell-phones-radiation-your-childs-health/

 

 

 

Curious as to what others think and how this plays out in your families.

 

 

 

     

 

 

 

[zoobie]

I think you are overreacting and very upset over someone else's parenting decision.

 

My kids have not-unlimited access to Internet (tweens), but they do have access. A kid will just borrow someone else's device if he really wants to look at something. We are choosing to educate them and guide them and hope they make good choices.

[AK_Mom4]

That's a lot of exclamation points.

 

Different parenting styles at play, I would have to guess.  I don't personally find technology use by children to be shocking, but I certainly and fully support your rights as a parent to set your own boundaries.

[Joker]

Some of us know our children pretty darn well and know what they are doing - even with internet access. My oldest accidentally came upon something and came to me rather quickly. She's fifteen. Both of my dds have smartphones, laptops, and internet access. They are teens and need to know how to research for their school work and writing by themselves. They do not need me doing it for them. I'm not naive either so please don't say so. I just know my dds and talk to them often every day.

[Daria]

My kid is 16.  He travels around the city by himself.  If he wanted to access the internet there are a million places he could go like the public library, a school computer, a friend's house, the apple store. . . . 

 

Yes, I assume that sometimes he's curious about things that I'd rather he didn't know about, but learning how to manage those curiousities and make sense of what he can find is part of growing up.

 

In the meantime, it's convenient for him to have a Smart Phone.  He uses the google maps app a lot to go different places.  He emails.  He listens to music.  

[wapiti]

This thread from last fall comes to mind  http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/534411-parents-are-you-aware-of-this/

[LucyStoner]

My nearly 12 year old has access the the internet without me watching every single second.  We do guide him and we can see what pages he is viewing.  Part of growing up is learning how to use internet tools with out wasting time or seeking out inappropriate materials.  

 

Armageddon has not hit, thus far. 

 

Honestly, I would be more concerned about excessive gaming than content he would seek out online.  

[chiguirre]

I was at vacation bible school today teaching a group of 20 third grade boys.     We passed a bucket around and 3 of them turned over their smartphones/iPods!      

Completely off on a tangent, but did you give those phones back at the end of VBS? Or did these kids purge their electronics?

 

Do their parents know that you took their expensive phones?

[redsquirrel]

Hey, you do you, ok?

[TechWife]

Funny you should post this today. Last week we were in London and we purchased a SIM card for an old phone we had so that we could text with DS at museums and such. Then, today I purchased a SIM card for my husband's old iPhone 4  so that our 18 year old son can use it. The only reason we did so was so that he could have texting capabilities when he goes to college in the fall - the university sends out a lot of text notices to students. Prior to this, he has had an AT&T go phone that we refill as he needed it, although he didn't have that until he turned 14. He has never been a heavy cell phone user. There is a big difference in an 18 year old and a 9 year old, though. 

 

No one in our family accesses the internet in a private place - not our son, my husband or myself. It's just a smart precaution to hold each other accountable. Right now all of the phones are on the kitchen counter, waiting for morning. As soon as I log off here, the internet will be shut down until one of us needs it tomorrow (it is password protected at the router).

 

 

[goldberry]

I do understand how scary it is.  We struggle with a mix of monitoring and freedom.  It's hard to know where the balance is.  I agree that there is some sick and dangerous stuff out there, so I am not in favor of *totally* unsupervised access.

 

But you have to hand it over to them at some point, so we feel it's best to do it in stages, which is what we have tried to do.  Young age, computer program that blocked everything.  As she got older, less blocking more talking.  Then no blocking and more talking.  Then cell phone heavily supervised.  Then cell phone less supervised.  Lots of talking, talking, talking.

 

I agree with others that they *will* be exposed to this stuff, and agree that younger ones especially may not know how to handle the curiosity and other consequences.  But as they get older, they *will* be exposed, so it's better to teach them how to use the internet and and their judgment at the same time.  It's a sliding scale that ends when she is 18 and can do whatever the heck she wants.  So I have X amount of time to go from supervised to unsupervised, and I don't want that to happen over night.  

[LucyStoner]

Completely off on a tangent, but did you give those phones back at the end of VBS? Or did these kids purge their electronics?

 

Do their parents know that you took their expensive phones?

 

As a parent I have told my son that under no circumstances is he required to hand over his phone to a group leader unless he is misusing it.  He knows that it stays on silent and in his pocket or bag when there is a presentation or class.  But if he needs to excuse himself and call for a ride or whatever, he needs to have his phone on him, and not have to retrieve it from someone else.  His phone is a dumb prepaid thingy but still.  

[purplejackmama]

I don't have any answers. We are muddling our way through these unchartered techy waters just like everyone else.

 

I will say that I don't think I will ever forget the day that my 8 year old baseball playing son was *this close* to hitting the search button on his innocent internet search for Dick's sporting goods. I stopped him in the nick of time before he did his one word search with no apostrophes. I shudder to think what his little eyes would have seen.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I can't get Quote to work tonight. I agree, I personally don't have any reason to give a 9 yo a smart phone with internet access.  But you seem to be awfully worked up about this.

 

You said:  My son will never (while under my roof) have unsupervised access to internet.    Our computer is in a VERY public place in our house and, when he's on it, I'm literally 4 feet away and looking in constantly.    

 

So who monitors your internet access? At what age is someone deemed trustworthy?

 

You said: My son isn't allowed to use my Smartphone (RARELY he'll get to play a game) and, when he has it, I turn the data OFF so he won't be exposed to radiation.

 

Again, I can only speak personally and say that this is the least of my worries.

 

You said:  Curious as to what others think and how this plays out in your families.

 

I'd rather have them figure out appropriate internet usage while still living at home. If my kid doesn't learn now, how are they supposed to suddenly be able to self-monitor magically when they move out of my house?  But I'm like that with a lot of things, so take that with a grain of salt.

 

 

[TechWife]

Completely off on a tangent, but did you give those phones back at the end of VBS? Or did these kids purge their electronics?

 

Do their parents know that you took their expensive phones?

 

Not the OP, but it's common practice in our area for teachers or youth group leaders to ask kids to put phones in a basket during Bible Studies and meetings so that the kids aren't distracted. No one forces them to do so, but peer pressure can be a marvelous thing. 

 

Yes, the parents know. That way, they can choose to keep the phone if they prefer that to having it in a basket during the meeting. 

 

When I taught co-op I didn't confiscate them up front, but I did ask for them if they had them out during class. If I ended up with a student's phone twice, I returned it to their parent instead of the student. I'm not a meanie, though. I had a student with immediate family overseas and she just exited the room when they called so that she could talk without disturbing others. Time differences make it difficult to connect. 

 

I did once confiscate a cell phone during standardized testing - the student was sitting there with her booklet open texting away. Um, no, you can't do that. Technically, I could have invalidated her results, but I chose not to because I caught it quickly and she hadn't sent a message. 

[Mabeline]

We have restricted access to the Internet on our boys' iPhones. They have no cell service, except for phone and texting. They only have our phone numbers on there and don't call or text other numbers. They use the phones for games and for calling us when we leave them home alone or get separated. They have also been warned about taking it out and playing on it when out or in groups. I don't want them to be on their phones instead of talking to other people.

So no, they don't have unlimited access to the Internet, even if they have their own phones, which were hand-me-downs.

[goldberry]

 My oldest accidentally came upon something and came to me rather quickly. She's fifteen.

 

A few months ago DD16 came running out of her room with her phone held at arms length away and her head turned, yelling,  "Eww!  Ewww!  Help!  Help!"  :lol:  It took 2 days for me to get that stuff off her phone!  THAT'S what makes me angry!

[SKL]

I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have kids to teach me how to use my iphone.  :P

 

Just today my 8yo informed me that my iphone has a built-in flashlight.  I had no idea.

 

At 8yo my kids have short periods of time when they are free to use the internet under loose adult supervision.  This will gradually increase so that when they are in high school, I can make it their responsibility to use the internet sensibly.

 

Maybe I am crazy, but I don't think it would be the end of the world if my kids accidentally saw porn.  (As long as it was legal porn.)  I think the idea is gross but not scary.

 

It's illegal to show a minor porn, but that is more because of the big picture - why would someone do that other than to groom them or somehow get aroused by the activity?

[TeenagerMom]

DS13 has his own gaming computer.  He paid for it.  It's in his room.  He also has a tablet.

 

DD15 has a laptop that was a gift.  It's in her room.  She also has a tablet and an iPod.

 

I spot check their usage on occasion (like maybe once a month or so).  They know all electronics have to be turned over to me anytime I request them and I must have passwords to everything.

 

Neither of them have ever searched anything inappropriate that I have found.  They are old enough to know what is inappropriate.  If they happen upon an image, they click off of it. 

 

I choose to trust my kids until they give me a reason not to trust them.

 

 

[LucyStoner]

I don't have any answers. We are muddling our way through these unchartered techy waters just like everyone else.

 

I will say that I don't think I will ever forget the day that my 8 year old baseball playing son was *this close* to hitting the search button on his innocent internet search for Dick's sporting goods. I stopped him in the nick of time before he did his one word search with no apostrophes. I shudder to think what his little eyes would have seen.

 

I just did that exact search and on the front page got a variety of results ranging from restaurants with that name in my state, Dick's Sporting Goods and variety of small businesses named after men named Dick.  You can get your trees cut and your carpet cleaned and HVAC services all from dudes named Dick.  

 

Yes, there can be some funky search results.  Most of the time though google isn't pulling up the adult sites if the search is not explicitly adult.  

[SKL]

And I don't see why gaming is such a great activity compared to general internet surfing.  One can get addicted to games and it can cause various problems.  Also some of the games out there are not so wholesome either.

[purplejackmama]

I just did that exact search and on the front page got a variety of results ranging from restaurants with that name in my state, Dick's Sporting Goods and variety of small businesses named after men named Dick. You can get your trees cut and your carpet cleaned and HVAC services all from dudes named Dick.

 

Yes, there can be some funky search results. Most of the time though google isn't pulling up the adult sites if the search is not explicitly adult.

Oh good to know! Thanks!

[CrispyBiscuit]

Completely off on a tangent, but did you give those phones back at the end of VBS? Or did these kids purge their electronics?

 

Do their parents know that you took their expensive phones?

Yes I gave them back.    I have no idea if the parents know, but the kids are welcome to tell them.   They were put UP at the beginning of the class and returned as they left.    That's a good idea:   I'll tell each parent tomorrow that the phones will be taken at the beginning of the day and returned at the end.

[Tammi K]

And this is a reason why I'm sure my kids are glad that they get to call me Mum instead of  you. But then, I think we have a vastly different parenting paradigm, an entirely different level of trust in our offspring, and a hugely different fear of radiation.

[Joker]

Yes I gave them back.    I have no idea if the parents know, but the kids are welcome to tell them.   They were put UP at the beginning of the class and returned as they left.    That's a good idea:   I'll tell each parent tomorrow that the phones will be taken at the beginning of the day and returned at the end.

 

What will you do if a parent tells you that's not acceptable? I would tell you my dc will keep their phones on them but silent. They are not to give them up. It's really not a good idea unless someone is actually abusing the privilege of having a phone.

[SeaConquest]

My 6 year old uses my husband's old phones and our tablets for apps, games, internet, texting (usually to Grandma, but also to friends), and making phone calls (he is well versed in what to do in case of an emergency). We don't monitor his internet access; we simply talk about what things are appropriate to watch and not. He came to me the other day to let me know that one of the videos he wanted to watch (a Minecraft video on YouTube) had bad language. I asked what was said, and he relayed that they used the word "stupid." He has not given me a reason not to trust him. YMMV. 

[Caribbean Queen]

My kids won't be getting private internet access either.

[Mandylubug]

My kids have unlimited access. They are monitored. They have searched up sex, we broached the topic and discussed it, the world didn't stop rotating.. I was concerned with one son for a wee blip in history and we did buckle down and limit for a season. We now discuss regularly safe internet usage. I am active in their day to day electronic usage. They have tablets, computers and online gaming with friends.

 

I will not be typing in every single search on youtube for minecraft...

[Shawna in Texas]

Oldest. 17. Smartphone since about 14. Computer around the same. I don't limit or control time or content with her. She's always been one that leaves her phone lying around and her computer open on the couch.

 

Youngest. 7. She plays games, takes pictures, videos from all various mobile devices. I don't think she knows how to work the Internet for that. There are a few games she plays along with saving pictures to play with in GIMP or paint, but I usually have those things bookmarked. She Youtubes on the Roku. Minecraft on tablet and computer.

 

Honestly it's me that's a problem. I usually have to clean up my download folder before I hand off the tablet to the 7yo. And my phone and tablet have started storing photos from private FB messages that I have to sanitize. These aren't pictures I saved. Just opened. I don't like it.

[Shawna in Texas]

 

I will not be typing in every single search on youtube for minecraft...

 

FOR REAL.

[Arcadia]

A lot of library and other free wifi places aren't set up to block porn. It's on the honor system when you click accept on the T&Cs.

 

A lot of elementary school kids have their parents old iPhones to use. The school bus leaves at dismissal so kids need to be able to contact their parents for pickup if necessary. Public phones are no longer available in schools and are hard to locate anywhere else.

 

Even Frys Electronics have R(A) DVDs and magazines in one of the aisles.

 

As long as your child goes out and is with other kids, there can be accidental exposure to what you don't like. For example we don't like grand theft auto but kids can easily watch or play at Target on the demo machines.

 

ETA:

My kids have read Miller Levine's Biology textbook and other biology textbooks. I don't censor the reproduction chapters.

[DesertBlossom]

I think it's okay to be cautious. And not to assume your kid will never stumble across inappropriate content. My sister decided to have a talk with her tween son about porn and he admitted that on his Nintendo DS he had accidentally stumbled across some videos and watched several things before deciding he didn't like the way it made him feel. She was SHOCKED he could even access the internet on it. She had no idea.

 

While I think supervision is essential, I also think we need to do a lot of teaching about what to do when things accidentally pop up and about making good choices. At some point the kids are going to leave the house and they need to already know how to make good media choices

[sbgrace]

It's hard.

There's some really yucky stuff out there. Exposure to x or y will be inconsequential for some kids, but not others. Which type do I have?

 

So, I do monitor. We block/use parental controls.

I don't kid myself that this means there will never be exposure, wanted by them or not. I hope parental sex positive and woman respecting input helps mitigate. But I'll limit it at these young ages as best I can, because I believe there is a risk that whatever age inappropriate thing would be harmful. I figure the less exposure and the older it occurs, the better.

[Tsuga]

I do limit the Internet in terms of screen time and I think it's nuts for a kid to have such an expensive device to break/lose/whatever.

 

But part of the custody deal is unlimited communication and he chose the iPhone for that, so that was a compromise.

 

I am not worried about porn or radiation. I'm more worried about what I'm doing now, which is wasting my time with a total stranger when I could be living my life.

[elegantlion]

Ds has had his own phone for several years. He's had computer in his room for about as many. he built his own computer this fall. You know the Internet is like the world, it's vast, scary, and closing it all off doesn't make it all go away. We talked a lot sometimes about uncomfortable things, released the reins slowly, and trusted. Instead of checking browsing history like he HAD done something wrong, we asked to see what he was doing online. I got the low down on Minecraft, stop motion, and a zillion other things he'd done online. 

 

Today he was telling me about the camera he wants to buy to make videos. He wants to study computer engineering in college, and he likes to program. In the last year he watched vast number of documentaries about space programs. He share what he does because he knows I trust him. 

 

Some kids have issues with computers, but it's not a blanket rule that your kid will. My belief is that if you wait until they are out of the house to have unrestricted access, then you haven't taught them to navigate the waters of the wily Internet while you still have some daily influence. If I'd have cut off my techy kid, I'd might as well have cut off his oxygen. 

 

Ironically he doesn't have a Facebook account on principle, has a "dumb" phone right now, and thinks letter writing is a better form of communication than e-mail. 

 

I try to parent with the presupposition that I trust my kid until he gives me reasons not to. If I started with the idea that he'd do something wrong just because he has access, then I'd probably have lost his trust and openness. It's my job as a parent to show my son the vastness of the world (virtual or otherwise). If I tell him he can't go outside because they're selling drugs in the park, then he's missing the rest of the natural beauty in the park. The Internet has bad sh*t, but the trees and the bees and the birds are beautiful. You can look up and see the clouds or just look down and see the dirt, the choice is yours. I try to teach my kid that the clouds are beautiful and looking down at the dirt is not the best use of the world. 

[mamajag]

My oldest (11) has had her own iPhone for almost 2 years. She has a medical condition and needs to be able to reach me any time. Yes, she has internet access. I'm comfortable with that because I watch her histories randomly. She knows if her history were not available or if she deleted texts she would lose access to those services. We have pretty open internet here, but I do get reports logged through the router as to which sites each MAC address accesses. I also have all their email passwords and they do all their YouTubing through my account. If I need to look, I do, but on the whole I trust her. This is my girl who won't wear clothes that show her knees and is considering a religious vocation. I don't worry about her.

 

My 9yo is buying her own iPhone later this summer. She has earned the money herself through chores. She wants something more portable than her full sized iPad for ballet rehearsals and other situations where there is a lot of sitting and waiting, and now she's in a different group than her sister so the iPhone hotspot is no longer an option. Yes, she'll have internet with the same rules. I've seen her searches on the iMac and don't worry. She's more of a gamer. Lots of the ballet girls get on their internet-enabled devices and play minecraft together while waiting their turn.

 

I believe that if you treat children like a criminal, they learn to act like a criminal. I don't want my kids to feel they have to hide something from me, and I don't want to send the message that I don't trust them by standing over them while they are using the internet. We have talked internet safety and they know I'll check on things from time to time not because I don't trust them but because a situation may arise that we haven't discussed. 

 

Oh, and my children do not give up their phone. They silence them and put them away, and if pressured they will offer to call me and the adult can talk to me. I've had too many instances where adults thought my oldest didn't need to contact me when she really, really did to have her give it up. I put that phone in my kids' hands for a reason. If they need me, they have an independent way of contacting me. My parish knows it, music class knows it, and ballet knows it. All have no problem as long as it is put away and silenced for class.

[Peaceful Isle]

Hmm, this is a hard topic, because family dynamics are so different for everyone.

 

 

[EndOfOrdinary]

My son bought his iPad with his own money last year at age 9. He is home for four completely unsupervised hours four times a week when Dh and I are both working. Ds is 10. He has his own phone. Complete unfiltered internet access on all of the devices. Dh has downloaded pornographic pictures. When ds found them (by accident) ds is the one who told Dh his behavior was "irresponsiblly objectifying women." Ds lead a lengthy conversation expressing his concern with Dh's choices and the messages they send to him as a young male. If you talk to your children without judgement you might have amazing conversations.

 

I am also a parent who would tell you that I am never okay with you demanding or taking my son's phone. If that happened, and he was not being irresponsible, I would lose it. As an adult, you do not have rights over my son's personal property regardless of your personal views. His phone is not dangerous to you or any other person. Behaving like he cannot handle the responsiblity based on no evidence is highly disrespectful.

[Catwoman]

My sister-in-law told me yesterday that she plans to buy my nephew (who turned eleven in April) his OWN smartphone next month. I asked her if she would like to buy my old iPhone as I just assumed that she was going to allow him to get it for gaming only. She declined and explained, "No, he wants internet". I was FLOORED at this. I just cannot fathom allowing a kid (UNDER AGE 18) to have unsupervised internet access. I've seen for myself what garbage comes up in the most benign searches and KNOW that I'm not the only one who has experienced this on occasion. I don't feel my child has to be a "bad" kid to be inherently CURIOUS. My son is only 9 but IF, (Heaven forbid), some nudity/pornographic image came up he would naturally be CURIOUS as to what it was about. Do people not realize how damaging a child's viewing nasty images/videos/etc. are to them long-term ?

I was at vacation bible school today teaching a group of 20 third grade boys. We passed a bucket around and 3 of them turned over their smartphones/iPods!

 

This piqued my curiosity and so I "interviewed" our assistant (who was helping in our class) who was a young lady about to be in 9th grade. I asked her by what age do MOST kids own their own personal smartphone. She said "12" !!! She said, "Some of them get them at around age 9, but MOST kids have them by 12 or 13" ! ! !

I clarified: "Are they capable of accessing internet or are they mainly for gaming?" She said that they are capable of everything: calls, texts, internet, etc. ! ! !

 

WHAT!?!?!?!!!!

 

It seems like I'm in the minority as to seeing this as a serious problem and a grave risk to kids.

 

Don't parents know that kids are taught at extremely EARLY ages how to cover their tracks and hide searches?

Do they seriously think that MOST children would not be inherently curious about sexuality and that a kid would "self-regulate" when faced with these temptations!?!

 

My son will never (while under my roof) have unsupervised access to internet. Our computer is in a VERY public place in our house and, when he's on it, I'm literally 4 feet away and looking in constantly. He's not allowed to just search willynilly. If he wants to look up something, I do the search. I don't even scroll quickly through the images (if we do an image search); I PREVIEW them as I look and THEREAFTER he gets to look at the images. He's only allowed to use specific websites that I initiate and monitor (to make sure he's ONLY on THAT website) and doesn't have other "windows" open. And I take my supervision SERIOUSLY -- I don't go fold clothes or go walk off and forget to continue to monitor. He doesn't get much computer time period but, when he does, I'm there. My son isn't allowed to use my Smartphone (RARELY he'll get to play a game) and, when he has it, I turn the data OFF so he won't be exposed to radiation.

 

And what about the PHYSICAL dangers (radiation from them)?!! They are serious! It's a proven FACT that they increase risk of cancer in adults and especially in kids!

 

http://healthychild.org/cell-phones-radiation-your-childs-health/

 

 

 

Curious as to what others think and how this plays out in your families.

Wow. You certainly seem to have incredibly strong opinions about this. :eek:

 

Are you being serious when you say your son will NEVER have unsupervised access to the internet while he lives in your home? That seems pretty extreme to me.

[Mandylubug]

Wow. You certainly seem to have incredibly strong opinions about this. :eek:

 

Are you being serious when you say your son will NEVER have unsupervised access to the internet while he lives in your home? That seems pretty extreme to me.

 

 

Remember the USPS thread... same extreme feelings. I read through other posts and threads to make sure it wasn't a troll set up honestly.

[Laura Corin]

Hobbes doesn't have a smart phone, not because of porn or fears about radiation, but just because, like the rest of us, he gets sucked into screens and I want him to have a bit more time to learn to self-regulate.  I don't get all 'aereated' about other people's choices, however.  He has a phone that he can use to call and text.  

 

There is only one other child in his class that doesn't have a smart phone, and that child has made that decision for himself. 

[Catwoman]

Remember the USPS thread... same extreme feelings. I read through other posts and threads to make sure it wasn't a troll set up honestly.

I noticed the same thing. It can be rather difficult to respond to someone who essentially screams her position and then asks what you think, because it comes across as more of a challenge than a question.

 

I'm sure CrispyBiscuit is a nice person and it seems clear that she is concerned about her nephew, but I wonder if she realizes that she is coming across with such intensity.

 

I also don't agree with forcing kids at VBS to turn over their cell phones to her. I think she is overstepping her boundaries, and I would not have allowed her to take my ds's phone if he was in her class. I can understand not allowing the kids to use the phones during VBS, but I think confiscating the phones is going too far.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The OP's son is 9.  I had strong opinions when my oldest was that age.  I've loosened up on some things and tightened up on some others.  I believe in gradually allowing kids more freedom based on their personality and strengths and weaknesses.  

[Melissa in Australia]

ds21 has a smart phone. He doesn't live at home anymore. ds19 &ds17 have an old old nokia. no internet access. They have turned that part off. They pay their own phone bills and cannot afford to use their phone except for very essential calls/ texts.

[bettyandbob]

We don't have smart phones because we are cheap. We are pricing plans and may come into modern times later this year in anticipation of middle child going to college.

 

My oldest and middle have had Internet access since around your ds's age, probably on desktop computers then. I quickly stopped hovering at what they did. Computers have been in their rooms for a long time. The desktops have been replaced by laptops. Middle child has purchased her own tablet.

 

The topic of how much internet access is not new. Everyone makes their own parenting decision. A parent is not ignorant/naive/irresponsible simply because his decision is different than yours. We all make calculated decisions considering our own family and own child's needs.

[Pawz4me]

Our boys each had their own computer (in their room) from the time they were . . .  four or five, I think.  Definitely before school age.  They each got smart phones with full Internet access when they were around 14.  We've had no issues.  I can't imagine not trusting my kids.  I can't imagine waiting until they were 18 for them to learn how to handle the Internet on their own.

 

Perhaps I'm naive, but in all my years of heavy Internet use -- and I'm a major search addict -- I don't ever remember accidentally stumbling across an inappropriate site.  And I've put in some doozy search terms.

 

My kids wouldn't stay in any activity that required them to hand over their devices to someone else.  If I as their parent have okayed them having that device, what right does anyone else have to take it away as long as they aren't being disruptive with it?  The answer to that question is - None whatsoever.

[The Girls' Mom]

Different strokes for different folks.  

 

My kids have internet access and have for several years.  I don't monitor their every move.  They didn't have smart phones, but they do have ipods that do everything a phone does and computers.  Honestly? They mostly watch people eat stupid things on YouTube.  

To me, it is like anything else.  There are bad things in this world.  Rather than shelter them from that fact, and give them un-needed fear, I've taught them how to navigate it and how to avoid the dark alleys.  

To assume that parents that allow their kids access to the internet, or give them smart phones, are ignorant of what is out there and/or just don't care, is very presumptuous.  

[mamaraby]

Do they seriously think that MOST children would not be inherently curious about sexuality and that a kid would "self-regulate" when faced with these temptations!?!

 

My son will never (while under my roof) have unsupervised access to internet. Our computer is in a VERY public place in our house and, when he's on it, I'm literally 4 feet away and looking in constantly. He's not allowed to just search willynilly. If he wants to look up something, I do the search. I don't even scroll quickly through the images (if we do an image search); I PREVIEW them as I look and THEREAFTER he gets to look at the images. He's only allowed to use specific websites that I initiate and monitor (to make sure he's ONLY on THAT website) and doesn't have other "windows" open. And I take my supervision SERIOUSLY -- I don't go fold clothes or go walk off and forget to continue to monitor. He doesn't get much computer time period but, when he does, I'm there. My son isn't allowed to use my Smartphone (RARELY he'll get to play a game) and, when he has it, I turn the data OFF so he won't be exposed to radiation.

 

And what about the PHYSICAL dangers (radiation from them)?!! They are serious! It's a proven FACT that they increase risk of cancer in adults and especially in kids!

 

http://healthychild.org/cell-phones-radiation-your-childs-health/

Of course kids are curious about sexuality. You say that as if it's a bad thing. Lots of different families, lots of different ethics about all sorts of different facets, lots of different ways of living. I imagine, based upon your post here, that my family and your family handle issues of sexuality differently. That I'm less restrictive does not mean that my children are in danger.

 

As for hiding their searches? Perhaps, and this is just a shot in the dark, they do this because the adults in their life made internet searches such a BFD. Maybe their responsible adults were crazily over protective about how they searched and what they searched for. Maybe they made it such a big deal that the kids felt the need to hide from their parents for fear of getting in trouble. Maybe there's another way to approach the internet and search engines that doesn't necessitate a need for the kid to hide. Hmmm....if only there was another way...

 

No, cell phones are not proven to cause cancer in any way. What we have are a number of limited studies that don't conclusively prove anything. We haven't ruled out that the results are just noise in the data. In theory kids could be at greater risk, but since we haven't even proven that adults are at risk, we know even less about the risk to children. http://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/radiation/cell-phones-fact-sheet

 

You seem awfully worked up about other people's children. My oldest is 10. All three of my children have access to the computer, iPads, and my iPhone. They even access these devices in different rooms of the house and on different floors. I don't filter or restrict internet access outside of our limits on screen time. We also don't utilize parental controls - mostly because I think that's lazy and involves a great deal of subjectivity. We talk a lot. My kids can ask questions. I try not to make it a big, over wrought deal.

 

There are as many ways of handling this as there are families. You don't corner the market on responsible parenting.

[Carrie12345]

I don't even remember when my oldest got a smart phone.  My daughters have shared one for about a year. My youngest two share an iPad.

 

We have definitely hit bumps along the way.  They've sparked really great conversations about safety, boundaries, and what we fill our heads with, and they've given room for a lot of trust building.

 

I often wish my kids had been born in my generation, when parents' biggest concerns were long-corded phones being snaked into bedrooms late at night or the fear of kids with beepers being mistaken for drug dealers, but we're managing just fine in this day and age.

[kewb]

Having now come out of the other side of this tunnel I can honestly say my teens are not heathens and are lovely teenagers.

 

I had a lot of beliefs of what I would and would not do when my kids were younger. Some things I stuck to my guns about and others I changed my mind.

 

Every family makes decisions for what they feel is best for their family. I can't get get myself worked up about what people choose for theirs. We are all on a journey. We will make mistakes, take wrong turns, make some downright bad decisions. I have been quite humbled by my parenting journey.