parents, are you aware of this??

[kfeusse]

I was told by many of you that guarding my kids from electronics and the internet is basically doing them a disfavor in this day and age.  You have the right to hold the opinions that you have and I am not going to tell you that you are wrong. 

 

However, this article that my husband found solidfies our belief that the internet is a scary, dangerous place for our kids to be. 

 

Sure, there are partental controls.  Sure, there is such thing as supervision.  However, nothing is 100%.  We want to teach our kids that looking on line is not something they are intitled to, or have the freedom to do anytime, anywhere they want.  Sure, you can have parental controls on your devices at home...but what about their friends?  what about when they are away from home?  What about those friends who with very little effort can surpass most any parental controls? 

 

My husband is a pastor.  He was teaching a group of young teenagers in the church and one of them was caught looking at porn on his phone during class.

 

Nothing is safe.  Nothing is 100%.  Look at this article.  I can put my hands on many more just like it.  It is scary. 

 

I am not looking to start any sort of debate...but rather to explain why we do what we do. 

 

here is the link:  http://www.salvomag.com/new/articles/salvo9/9segelstein.php

 

 

[Plateau Mama]

I didn't read the entire article, but yes I did know about this. My husband works with a teen youth a lot. Boy Scouts, youth group, Awanas. We personally feel it's better to teach them how to use the Internet and what is/is not appropriate. We monitor all their devices. In fact my daughter is currently phone free for about 6 weeks because she was doing something she shouldn't. (Not porn or anything close.).

 

The fact is, unless you are with your children 24/7 you can't control what they see. I'd rather teach them so when (not if) their friends show them things they know how to respond.

[zoobie]

I don't understand how banning it at home prevents kids from using the internet at a friend's house or on a friend's device. Wouldn't that make them more likely to do so instead of less?

 

Also, that link is not to any sort of scholarly child development journal. It's a very conservative, Christian publication that is vocal against things like gay marriage (aren't they proponents of the falsehood that being gay is a choice?), so it doesn't surprise me that they'd hype up the interwebs being full of the sex and the doom.

[SKL]

I agree that even if you can control it in your own house, you can't control it outside.  Kids need to learn responsible use (of technology or whatever other necessary tool), which is not learned by non-use.  If you never let them satisfy any of their curiosity at home, IMO you increase the likelihood that they will try that much harder to sneak it while away from home - where the content is less likely to be wholesome.

 

I don't understand how playing games on an ipod is setting a kid up for dangerous behavior on the internet.  It seems to me a little time on a video game would satisfy the curiosity in a relatively healthy way.  Even if the kid got unexpectedly addicted, it would be better to have to address a video game addiction before being faced with more dangerous addictive behaviors.  Now you have the ability to guide and counsel your kid and be explicit about your family's values.

 

Also, there really is no escaping the fact that the internet is a needed tool nowadays, especially for someone who still has college and career ahead of him.

 

But I have that philosophy about many things, and it isn't always popular.  I believe in letting kids taste alcohol, learn about guns, experiment with fire, and go places by themselves.  I believe this will serve them well when they are no longer under my "control."

[Guest]

I skimmed the article. Basically, there is porn on the internet and porn is bad for kids??

 

I don't know anyone who allows unfettered internet access for kids; is anyone arguing that?My kids won't always live with me. They will live on their own at some point and have free access to all kinds of stuff. The internet is only getting bigger. It is my job to teach them to properly use technology, not to view it as a monster to be frightened of or avoided. Just like I have to teach them about alcohol in moderation, junk food in moderation, etc.

[ajfries]

In this day & age, it's critical to give the proper tools to utilizing the internet in the proper manner. There's flat out no avoiding it. Yes, it has its dangers; as does driving a car & owning a home.  This article talks about teaching internet safety; I really like the point of teaching our children to live by values, rather than rules.

[SKL]

BTW, when I was a kid, around 1975, my next-door neighbor (girl) showed me a book with lewd stuff in it that I still remember.  I also saw a few other things that were not wholesome.  My brothers were exposed by friends to magazines of which Playboy was the most tasteful (and I saw some of that too, yuck).  I don't know how long this has been going on, but it isn't new.  Parents clearly have a responsibility to help their kids think about these things in a healthy manner.  In all likelihood, they are going to see something inappropriate, if they haven't already.  How do you want them to process it?  Do you want them to be afraid to discuss it with you because your attitudes about technology use are so militant?

[Guest]

BTW, when I was a kid, around 1975, my next-door neighbor (girl) showed me a book with lewd stuff in it that I still remember. I also saw a few other things that were not wholesome. My brothers were exposed by friends to magazines of which Playboy was the most tasteful (and I saw some of that too, yuck). I don't know how long this has been going on, but it isn't new. Parents clearly have a responsibility to help their kids think about these things in a healthy manner. In all likelihood, they are going to see something inappropriate, if they haven't already. How do you want them to process it? Do you want them to be afraid to discuss it with you because your attitudes about technology use are so militant?

Yep. I went to Catholic grade school and a girl brought her Dad's Playboy. It is just not possible to protect your kids 100%. I hope I've raised my kids in a way that, if they are confronted with porn, they will have the nerve to say "no thanks, not something I'm interested in".

[marbel]

BTW, when I was a kid, around 1975, my next-door neighbor (girl) showed me a book with lewd stuff in it that I still remember.  I also saw a few other things that were not wholesome.  My brothers were exposed by friends to magazines of which Playboy was the most tasteful (and I saw some of that too, yuck).  I don't know how long this has been going on, but it isn't new.  Parents clearly have a responsibility to help their kids think about these things in a healthy manner.  In all likelihood, they are going to see something inappropriate, if they haven't already.  How do you want them to process it?  Do you want them to be afraid to discuss it with you because your attitudes about technology use are so militant?

 

This is what I was thinking. None of this is new.  I remember looking at magazines in the back of a store and being sickened by some of the images.  I remember going to the adult shelves in the public library and reading books with s*x scenes - I was in junior high. 

 

I like what a PP said above - teach values, not rules.

 

Even if your kid does not have internet access, most likely one or more friends do.  When you get a group of teen boys together, someone is going to have a smartphone with unsavory images available for viewing.  

 

[wapiti]

In this day & age, it's critical to give the proper tools to utilizing the internet in the proper manner. There's flat out no avoiding it. Yes, it has its dangers; as does driving a car & owning a home.  This article talks about teaching internet safety; I really like the point of teaching our children to live by values, rather than rules.

 

This.

 

For example, our kids do quite a bit of internet searching for their schoolwork (they attend school).  They are fully aware that searches might inadvertently bring up inappropriate links from time to time.  They know full well not to click on things that are likely to be inappropriate based on the words or images.  We taught them - and they learned - this pretty quickly.  Sure there were a few incidents along the way, such as when a person they don't know in real life wants to follow them on Instagram or someone posts nasty things - time for another installment of the ongoing conversation...

 

It is a little bit like being in a big city and teaching them not to walk down dark alleys or talk to strangers.  It does require a lot of communication and some monitoring of what they're doing on-line.  However, in our house, with six kids, there is no way I can monitor every keystroke or click; nor would I want to if I could.  They need to be guided by values when the rules should fail them.  FWIW, for my older kids especially (13, 11 and 11), at this point, inappropriate stuff or scary people on the web is a non-issue because they have been taught to avoid these things and what to do if something should happen.

 

If anything, I find the internet to be a useful avenue for teaching them a bit about independence and safety.  We live in a bubble of a suburb, so these lessons are not something they get often in the physical world.

 

(Eta, we don't have many limits on internet usage; usually the only limits have to do with other work to be done or device-hogging/turn-taking)

[Scarlett]

In this day & age, it's critical to give the proper tools to utilizing the internet in the proper manner. There's flat out no avoiding it. Yes, it has its dangers; as does driving a car & owning a home. This article talks about teaching internet safety; I really like the point of teaching our children to live by values, rather than rules.

Great article.

 

Unless you plan on encouraging your kids to live off the grid (and OP you are clearly on the grid because you are on this on line forum) there is no way to avoid the Internet.

 

I am fairly cautious about my son's Internet access. He has no screens in his room at all. I have software on his computers that show me where he has been....the report comes to my email account. I even take his phone and tablet with me if I leave him home for the whole day. I also don't let him have snap chat.

 

All that being said I also have discussions with him about what is out there and that I do what I can to help him avoid the crap BUT how he has the ultimate responsibility of looking away from it because it is wrong and damaging and can ruin lives.

 

Values not rules. And that can be taught in conjunction with monitoring closely.

[Scarlett]

I will say that while porn isn't new, the stuff that is readily available now is far beyond a naked girl. There is some really sick stuff out there.

[redsquirrel]

I don't think anyone says "Oh yay, lets let our kids look at porn, because that will be wonderful!"

 

My kids have access to the internet under my supervision. They play minecraft, they watch movies on netflix, my older son uses email to communicate with friends and I have full access to his account. Now that my son is in high school he is often assigned work to be done online. They don't have phones or unregulated access to the internet, but they do know how to use it.

 

The internet is a tool. A tool can be useful and help you build a house or it can be used improperly and hurt someone. All tools require training and education to use properly or you might get hurt.  I don't see how the internet is any different.

 

And yes, my kids know that the interwebs can be a dangerous place. They get the same education and we have the same discussions about the web as we have about the rest of the world.

 

And when I was growing up I certainly heard the boys talking about pornography they had seen or had access to. Not having the internet didn't seem to slow them down any. It doesn't mean that we should allow teens access to pornography, but I think it is more important to teach your kids right from wrong than to run around stamping out brush fires.

 

And frankly, I find your premise, that we parents don't know about porn on the internet and that is why we let our kids use computers to be pretty funny. The internet has been around longer than my kids have been alive, I am pretty sure I know what is out there.

[Liz CA]

Yes, aware of it. If anyone is looking for resources, check out "Every Man's Battle," as well as "Every Young Man's Battle."

I think the biggest misconception has been that it is harmless. Countless research has proven otherwise.

[Liz CA]

BTW, when I was a kid, around 1975, my next-door neighbor (girl) showed me a book with lewd stuff in it that I still remember.  I also saw a few other things that were not wholesome.  My brothers were exposed by friends to magazines of which Playboy was the most tasteful (and I saw some of that too, yuck).  I don't know how long this has been going on, but it isn't new.  Parents clearly have a responsibility to help their kids think about these things in a healthy manner.  In all likelihood, they are going to see something inappropriate, if they haven't already.  How do you want them to process it?  Do you want them to be afraid to discuss it with you because your attitudes about technology use are so militant?

 

Scarlett touched on this in her post. The kind of porn you describe and which most of us have come across at one point or another in our lives, is not what is widely available online. This is an entirely different animal.

[TechWife]

I wholeheartedly support your decision to limit your children's access to electronic entertainment, OP. We have done the same for many years. In fact, we limit it for ourselves as adults as well.

 

We have, as ds has matured, loosened some restrictions in an effort to foster his independent decision making, but because he is almost 18 and will be living away from home next year. It is a far different scenario than yours. I believe at your kids' age, he had 15 min on the computer for playing each day and 1 hour of monitored television. Now, of course, he has more freedom. We have taught him that responsibility comes with freedom, however. At various times when he has acted irresponsibly, he has lost the privilege of various electronics. Additionally, there are things (porn, violent video games) that will never be allowed in our home, no matter how old he is, so as long as he lives here, he will have to abide by our rules. 

 

My life has been vastly affected by the addictions of others. It only takes one drink, or "click" for an addiction to start building. This vulnerability is discussed from time to time in our home as well, but we don't harp on that.  

 

We also have our Christian faith and worldview, which teaches us that we are not to attempt to get as close to sin as we can without sinning, but to get as far away from sin as we can. It is that principle that has helped us develop controls for our behavior in all areas of our life, not just electronics. 

 

FWIW, he has "played with fire" as a youngster, drives a car, goes to friends' houses, goes to community college classes, etc., so he is by no means sheltered from the world, nor does he lack opportunity to make decisions and exercise his own judgement. 

 

We all need limits in our lives. It is fine as parents to provide those limits as we see fit (abuse excepted, of course). Keep up the good work. 

[Scarlett]

OP I really feel for you and your Dh trying to do right. It isn't easy but balance is necessary.

[Dory]

We want our kids to learn how to use the tools in their world safely, but because they are young yet, we monitor their activity and help protect them while they learn. They are only allowed on screens on the weekend if we are home. Sometimes we do some school research online. I can't expect them to stay safe if I never teach them how to and then let them practice a little.

[KungFuPanda]

The Internet is an extension of our world and kids need to know how to navigate it. Not going in it at all isn't much of an option unless you're Amish. You don't want your kid to be the only one in college with no inkling of how to use the Internet without succumbing to temptation. Parental controls, without parental direction and conversations, are useless. When we were kids, there were magazines. Our kids have the Internet. Our grandchildren, God help them, will likely have some freaky holideck experience to navigate. Not learning because it's too complicated seems a bit too easy and over simplifies the real issues.

[TechWife]

  What you choose to do is up to you, But banning the internet isn't going to prevent social contact with inappropriate people.

 

She didn't say that it would.

 

It's quite a leap to assume that because they have rules regarding the use of electronics that they are trying to prevent contact with inappropriate people. Her husband is a youth minister, I am sure that they are perfectly aware that "Inappropriate people" are in our society and, because they are in ministry, they probably come in contact with those "inappropriate people" on a fairly regular basis. Perhaps that is why they have chosen to parent the way that they do. 

[Word Nerd]

 

... the internet is a scary, dangerous place for our kids to be. 

 

 

 

 

It can be, but so can the offline real world.

[marbel]

I will say that while porn isn't new, the stuff that is readily available now is far beyond a naked girl. There is some really sick stuff out there.

 

In the '80's my first husband had print materials which went far beyond naked girls.  It was pretty sick stuff, despite being still images or verbal descriptions.  It's different, but was not benign.

[Peaceful Isle]

I remember being babysat at age 5/6, and the teen babysitter put something horrible on the TV. Let's just say that crude image has stayed with me and I am almost 37.

[SKL]

I don't think there is anything wrong with limiting and monitoring technology.  I think we each need to do that based on our individual kids' maturity and needs.  My own kids have less screen time than most.

 

I think the issue people are having is the tone that is set.  Is technology a tool that needs to be used wisely, or is it a necessary evil, or is it basically the devil?

 

Let's compare it to the stove.  Definitely something we all restrict and monitor up to a pretty mature age, and for good reasons.  But the stove is not considered a bad thing.  (Even though it is the source of many naughty foods and, by extension, Type 2 diabetes etc.)  Once a kid knows how to use it wisely, we encourage it and it even makes us proud.  (There's even a scout badge for it!)  We all look forward to the day our kids invite us over to their house for dinner (or is that just me?).

 

Hey, speaking of scout badges, AHG has a badge for learning how to safely use the internet.  Haven't really looked into it yet, but I think that's a great idea.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Yes, I am aware. That's why I'm teaching my kids how to use electronics appropriately at home. We also have discussions about what they should do if they encounter pornography anywhere.

[SKL]

My mom fired one of our babysitters after my brother explained that the reason the couch got broken was that she and her lesbien girlfriend were romping too vigorously on it.

 

That was in the early 1970s.

[Joanne]

 

 

My husband is a pastor.  He was teaching a group of young teenagers in the church and one of them was caught looking at porn on his phone during class.

 

Nothing is safe.  Nothing is 100%.  Look at this article.  I can put my hands on many more just like it.  It is scary. 

 

I am not looking to start any sort of debate...but rather to explain why we do what we do. 

 

here is the link:  http://www.salvomag.com/new/articles/salvo9/9segelstein.php

 

There are no reasonable, decent parents that allow, encourage, or are permissive with porn for children. Certainly NO ONE in the other thread is recommended unsupervised, unrestricted internet use for young children. Few suggest it for older children.

 

Porn is not endorsed or casually suggested for minors; and the majority of the adult general pubilc is against it.

 

The article you link has 2 good sentences on the impact of porn on a development. They were accurate and important.

 

However, the bulk of the content of the article mixes correlations and causations, makes egregious leaps of logic, and is terribly, harmfully inaccurate regarding developmental realities, sexual minorities, and sexuality in general. Even the "marriage" advice is patently wrong.

 

 

[bettyandbob]

It's a balance.

 

I don't believe it is healthy to block access and then suddenly send adult dc into "the world" without having honed some basic skills on how to navigate the internet. To me it is the same as teaching dc how to walk places alone, go through a mall, ride a bike to a friends or work alone. I wouldn't have my dc have me hover or shadow every physical step and then have them leave the house and have to figure out how to navigate everything.

 

There are intermediate steps between not being permitted access/total parental control--shadow and adult freedom. My aim is for my dc to make intermediate steps and bridge completely into independent decision making before leaving home. Itty bitty steps can start quite young, so that the slope is very gradual.

[Joanne]

Problem with editing. Have a great weekend!

[regentrude]

Definitely no wanting to defend porn, and there are plenty of reasons to judciously limit and monitor young children's internet access...

but I was disturbed by the claim that watching homosexual pornography as a child causes homosexual attractions in a man who describes himself as straight. To the best of my knowledge, there is no scientific substantiation for this, and I can not take an author serious who perpetuates such myths.

 

[nevergiveup]

Can't protect them from everything.

I was pretty young when I got my hands on Lady Chatterley's Lover.

[Joanne]

Can't protect them from everything.

I was pretty young when I got my hands on Lady Chatterley's Lover.

 

I was young when I read my mom's "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex".

 

[J-rap]

I think more people agree with you than disagree with you.  That is, no decent parent wants their children to be exposed to porn, etc.  We all want to teach our kids how to use the internet appropriately.  We were pretty conservative in our household.  We had one computer while the kids were growing up, and it was in the living room.  However, that was early on -- before all the smart phones and ipads.  I think parents are still wading through all of this technology as it changes so, so fast, trying to figure out the best way to use it positively yet protect their children.  I definitely think a parent needs to set rules within the home to live by, while explaining and hopefully helping the children recognize why they're good ideas.  But, you can't protect your children from everything forever.  At some point as children get older, it has to leap from rules to a responsible and healthy understanding of what's good for a person and what isn't.  What we're all trying to figure out is how to get them to that point wisely.

 

I think that overall the internet is a great advancement and has so many positives.  There will almost always be negatives in something though, that's just the way the world is.  I saw stuff as a teen, sneaking peeks at my friend's dad's Playboy magazines, riding in the trunk of a car in order to sneak into X-rated drive-in movies, dumb stuff.  I'm not saying, "I did it and turned out okay, so it's okay that my kids do it."  I DON'T want my kids doing the same things.  But, this stuff truly has always been around;  it's not just the internet.  It is life.

 

ETA:  I wanted to emphasize that I TOTALLY support rules for children regarding the internet and cellphones, even teens.  Our children often laugh now about how strict we were with so many things;  but, they have no regrets and will likely do the same for their own children.  :)

 

[Dicentra]

Can't protect them from everything.

I was pretty young when I got my hands on Lady Chatterley's Lover.

 

When I was young, I was a fairly advanced and voracious reader so our small-ish town library gave me access to the non-children's section (with my parents' consent) when I was around 10 or 11.  At the time, I was into mythology and had read everything the children's section contained.  While browsing through the main fiction section, I came across a lovely, thick book with a beautiful picture of a pyramid at sunset on the cover.  I figured it was about Egyptian mythology and was super excited to sign it out and to take such a treasure home to read it.

 

It was Norman Mailer's "Ancient Evenings".  :ohmy: :D

[bettyandbob]

I lived in Japan at 11. My friend and I found a very adult manga on the playground one morning. I can still see some of the pictures. I find that creepier than other porn because someone actually spend time drawing those pictures.

 

Did anyone's parents expect us to go to the playground find that discarded by the swingset. We didn't report what we found, but I think it is better that we processed what we stumbled upon while we were kids with access to our parents. We knew the values our parents were trying to instill in us and we knew that stuff didn't fit with the values.

 

Crap is everywhere. 

[bolt.]

Yes, I am aware that there is porn on the internet, and that porn is bad for kids.

[shawthorne44]

I will say that while porn isn't new, the stuff that is readily available now is far beyond a naked girl. There is some really sick stuff out there.

 

I agree.  And it moves.  I saw a site that DH's niece used as her home page on the family computer.  Apparently everyone was using her login (they told me to that day) and it annoyed her.  I was late 30's then, and I wasn't old enough to see that.  I can still see "it" moving in circles.  

[shawthorne44]

When I was young, I was a fairly advanced and voracious reader so our small-ish town library gave me access to the non-children's section (with my parents' consent) when I was around 10 or 11.  At the time, I was into mythology and had read everything the children's section contained.  While browsing through the main fiction section, I came across a lovely, thick book with a beautiful picture of a pyramid at sunset on the cover.  I figured it was about Egyptian mythology and was super excited to sign it out and to take such a treasure home to read it.

 

It was Norman Mailer's "Ancient Evenings".  :ohmy: :D

 

I had a similar experience, although I think I was 9, and it really was related to Greek Myths.  It was a dissertation.  

You know that common theme where hero needs to do something really really hard, and he goes to a god who gives him a nifty gadget that helps him do the really hard thing?   Some of the versions will say the the god owed him a favor.  I remember as a kid thinking, "What in the world could a young man do that would put a god in his debt?"  Well, I found out in the dissertation.  In the Greek culture at the time, a boy became a man when he was 'captured' by a man.  The man would would chase down the boy, often the boy had to do a fake trip in order to be caught.  Then the man would take the boy into the woods for several days and *ahem* teach him manly things.  Really explicitly (I really hadn't wanted to know the details).  After that the boy was a man, and the older man owed the boy favors.  

 

I never read another book on mythology.   It was like that Mythical "End of the Internet.  You've read everything"

[MomatHWTK]

Top shelf of the magazine rack, back room in the video store...  if you are in the world you need to be aware of what is of the world.  The internet is no different in that regard. 

[Mandylubug]

It is a disservice to your kids to knowingly give them free reign of internet browsing without limitation or consequences.

 

However, it is a disservice to your kids if you completely alienate them to technology required to be successful and participate in the workforce as an adult.

 

There has to be a middle ground.

[LucyStoner]

Children don't become adults overnight. They need guidance to learn how to safely navigate online. Going from zero access to on their own living sounds like a recipe for a mess.

 

The benefits of device access for us exceeds the risk. We mitigate risks with common sense solutions, communication and supervision.

 

Honestly I really think that if a parent wants a 12 year old to not use any idevices, they need to forgo them themselves. If the parent really believes it is THAT dangerous to the child, they should put their money where their mouth is and not take the risk of ownership.

[LucyStoner]

Postitive things for my sons due to the internet or internet enabled devices:

 

-enjoy games and video time together and with parents

-learn to program and code

-learn to type

-listen to books (audible app on my phone).

-research all sorts of subjects

-use google earth and google translate

-my son uses free audio pronounciations of tricky words for spelling bee prep (that's how I get my pronounciations hammered out too in order to help him).

-listen to music and music videos

-use educational software and school content like online classes.

 

I'm not shutting that all down so that I can think they are safe from pornographic content.

 

When I was 15, a jackass on a public bus handed me a snuff magazine. It was hardcore. I ripped it in half and tossed it in the garbage can. Values not rules.

[Slartibartfast]

I am not going to prevent my children from using technology, they are both interested in the sciences and I think they will need to be very comfortable with technology for those fields.

 

I do allow my children to use the internet but I also have parental controls on those devices. 

 

I worked in social media for some time so I am fully aware of what is out there and that some will try to expose minors to those things. It is my job as a parent to be mindful of what my kids are doing online and I do monitor their activity, they are aware I monitor their activity. I do give more freedom the older they get.

 

Some parents have no idea what their kids do online or how they behave online. Anyone who has played an MMO has likely wished that someone was paying more attention to their kids.

 

 

[flyingiguana]

I'm just gonna say -- you CANNOT ban it.  It will seep in some way, somehow.  You don't have the control you think you do.  (Or, if you really do, I may question some other parenting choices...)

 

If you want to shelter your kids and THEN have them end up seeing this stuff without any warning, ok, sure, but I'm coming down on the side of preparing my kids to fight back against.  And for that, they need to know not to click on certain links and which keywords to avoid.  They need to know that I'm there to discuss things if the best laid plans still end up with them looking at some sick porn on the web.  Most of all, they need to know that they can tell me they've been on the internet and that's where they met the creepy dude who wants to meet them at the mall. 

 

Because they WILL see it at a friend's house.  I can just about guarantee it, unless you're living in some enclave where no one at all has the internet.

 

 

[Plateau Mama]

I also want to add that we have filters on our sever that greatly limits the inappropriate stuff. Some appropriate stuff too. But my kids also know that I'm watching where they are. They always tell me when they accidentally stumble upon something (which hasn't happened with the filter) or when their friends try to show them inappropriate stuff. We don't get alarmed, we thank them for telling us and talk about it if needed.

[Perry]

 

our belief that the internet is a scary, dangerous place for our kids to be. 

 

 

 

 

The world in general is a scary, dangerous place.  You can't protect them from everything.  At some point in their lives, they're going to be exposed to something you don't like.  And they are going to need to know how to handle it. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't recall anyone here saying that taking precautions with electronics was doing them a disservice.  And do you really think that most people here are really not aware of these things?  I dunno this comes off as being talked down to and preached to.

 

 

[Elisabet1]

In my day, kids had to resort to Playboy for those pictures. 

 

To be honest, I do supervise my children on the internet, but as they get older, they get more room to move on that. The internet is the same as being out in public. I would expect to know where my child has been, and for my child to have permission, to go out anywhere. 

 

I think many parents skip over talking to kids about stranger danger as it applies to the internet and everything else. Kids need to be spoken to and know what they can and cannot do. 

 

As for those playboy pictures, I have even been in the room when kids brought them out, but I never ever looked. It was wrong, and I felt it was wrong. And I made the choice to not look. I hope I can educate my children enough that they will make good choices when presented with them.

[SparklyUnicorn]

And where is the article about all the awesome people on-line who go out of their way to help strangers?  I've known quite a few like that.

 

 

[Farrar]

Sigh. No one in the other thread said, let them do whatever they want with the devices for however much time they want. We'd all have to be complete online hermits (which seems rather unlikely as we're on an internet forum) to not know that it can be a scary place out there. One of the pieces of advice I had was that perhaps they should not be allowed to use devices in private as one of the punishments but that there should be more device time total since it sounded like they had very little access and felt driven to hiding. The whole goal is to have a more open policy so that you can head this stuff off.

 

I want my kids to feel like my rules have reasons. And like when I tell them no, that it really means something and is for a reason they can see. Different families have different guidelines for screen use, which is well and good. I've seen different policies work for different families. But if my kids were sneaking around to use electronics, even if the usage was just extra time playing a silly game, then I would worry more that when it came time for them to be more interested in seeking out the sort of stuff that the OP is worried about that my words would have less force. And that's when it really, really matters that they listen.