How do you "leave" a church?

[Halcyon]

We are going to leave our church for a few reasons. One, it is too far for us since we moved. Two, it's....a little depressing--small, shrinking attendance and tiny kids' program. Three, I don't enjoy the sermons or the music. We have been members for over two years, and since it is such a tiny church, every time we miss going, we get calls and texts to make sure we are okay. We can't just slip out unnoticed lol like we did at my last NYC church with 20,000 members. :) Plus, it would be rude. My kids comprise probably 25% of the kids' program and really like it, but I just need a change. I am going to another church with a friend next week (we will go to Easter services at our regular church today, because I would feel remiss if we didn't) but then I want to phase out our attendance.

 

I have never had to do this, and don't want to offend the pastor or anyone else that we have gotten to know, but I know it's time to change. Can anyone advice me on how to do this in the most respectful, least hurtful way? They have lost other members recently, so this won't be easy.

 

Thank you. 

 

ETA: i have also been involved with building the website, facebook etc. so I would want to be able to help them with that transition. I have been putting this change off for far too long. Sigh. 

[Jennifer in MI]

My husband is a priest.  He is always really impressed with people who come to him and explain why they are going.  

[Flowing Brook]

 I would tell them that the drive is putting a strain on you and that you feel the Lord is moving you in a different direction. Let them know you appreciate them.

I would then offer to continue witht the work until they are able to find someone else. 

[sassenach]

Meet with the pastor, or at least write a letter.

[Pawz4me]

For respectful and least hurtful and least likely to invite follow-up questions I would use simple but vague church speak: "The Lord is leading us to visit other churches."

[bettyandbob]

17 years ago we sent a letter to the priest.

 

2 years ago I was so angry I stopped attending, but in the summer I was sent a parish wide survey. I think had the organizers of the survey known I wasn't attending I would not have been sent the survey. It was regarding changes in structure of various church programs. So, my responses gave them a very clear picture of what happened to my family.

[73349]

I wrote a note explaining that I was joining another congregation. In your case, I'd add an offer of help with the transition for the web stuff--with a time attached (e.g., offer to help during May, with the expectation that they'd have it under control by the end of May).

[poppy]

Yikes, I'd feel suffocated to get texts if I didn't attend.

Call or email the clergy leader, whichever you are more comfortable.  We've moved and are taking a fresh start. Thank you for being a meaningful part of my family's life and best wishes. Etc.

[indigomama]

I would want to write a letter/email because I dislike confrontation on any level. However, I think the right thing to do would be to at least call or meet in person. I would necessarily feel the need to go into the details of why, unless I felt they were doing things unbiblical. Otherwise, I would probably just tell them, you feel you should move on to a different congregation. 

 

I would offer to continue helping with tech stuff, if you genuinely want to. 

 

I don't believe we should be "church-hoppers", but I also strongly believe that we need to be in a place that we are building into others and being fed spiritually and being built into.

[WishboneDawn]

For respectful and least hurtful and least likely to invite follow-up questions I would use simple but vague church speak: "The Lord is leading us to visit other churches."

That would drive my minister crazy. There are real reasons why a person moves to a different church. Either share them our say it's personal but to say the Lord is leading you...It seems distasteful.

[flyingiguana]

I only told one person, in an email, because I had to tell her I was dropping out of her particular group.

 

I didn't feel I should be there anymore, because the pastor had nothing to say, the music had slipped to nothing, and the church was actively trying to keep me from doing activities with my kids ("they need to grow up" etc). 

 

What I'd discovered though, was that when my kids weren't around NOBODY talked to me.  If I went up and tried to start conversations, people took off in the other direction.  If I hung around waiting for someone to say hello to me, nobody bothered.  If I started to introduce myself to new people, an established member would come whisk them away from me.  If I got involved in doing something for the church, the only response I got was people complaining about how I was doing it.

 

So I didn't really feel the need to tell many people I was leaving. 

 

I did mention to the one person I did tell that I was leaving because I felt "disconnected".  I figured that was a gentle way of putting how I'd been treated.  She responded that it was obviously my fault -- as evidenced by the fact that *I* was the one stepping away.  *I* was the one doing the disconnecting.

 

I guess she didn't get it.  Or didn't want to get it.  And I'm guessing that the entire rest of the church would prefer not to take responsibility for ignoring me completely. 

 

No one has ever contacted me wondering where I am.  That in itself speaks volumes.

[Heatherwith4]

I would emphasize the longer drive and that it is weighing on you. Just meet with the pastor or send a letter. That way you can spell out in what ways you can help with the transition with the website and social media.

[KrissiK]

I would speak honestly with the pastor. There are no easy ways to leave a church. We did once, for reasons other than we moved to a new town, and it was a difficult conversation but we were honest. We wanted a smaller church, expository preaching, and we just didn't feel like we fit in. We'd been going several years, were part of a Sunday School class, but didn't feel "part" of things, even though we were involved in activities. Don't use the term, "We feel The Lord is leading...." That sort of talk shuts down dialogue because no one can argue with The Lord.

[Tess in the Burbs]

When we left our tiny/no kid church I was honest with the pastor. I like his sermons but my kids needed a church with more young people. I just went back this week for service. Nice to visit but we left for valid reasons.

[Word Nerd]

That would drive my minister crazy. There are real reasons why a person moves to a different church. Either share them our say it's personal but to say the Lord is leading you...It seems distasteful.

I agree. It's akin to telling your boyfriend as you're dumping him: "I believe it's God's will for me to break up with you."

[PrincessMommy]

agreeing with others.  Talk with your pastor first and then perhaps anyone that you were close too.  It's hard on a congregation when someone leaves and no one knows why. 

 

Edited to add:  I agree, don't say "the Lord told us.." or whatever.  Nothing like blaming God for it.  /sarcasm off

[Tiramisu]

I've gone back and forth between our current church and another. We did not notify anyone when we left, and that left the pastor thinking we had stopped practicing our faith. When we came back, I could explain that it was simply too difficult to manage our active children there. It would have been better if we had explained our trouble before leaving.

 

When we left the in-between church to go back, we just said we preferred the traditional liturgy. We didn't want to them to think anything was wrong with their church but it was just a preference we had. The priests were actually very sympathetic. Some fellow parishioners understood better than others, but it was okay. We are greeted warmly when we visit.

 

I have seen several families leave our church. It is sad but taken well by all when the reason is driving distance. It hasn't been taken well when it has been put in terms of our church not doing things right--the reaction isn't anger as much as hurt.

 

 

[Heather in Neverland]

For respectful and least hurtful and least likely to invite follow-up questions I would use simple but vague church speak: "The Lord is leading us to visit other churches."

I'm sorry but I find this offensive unless it is true. Is "The Lord" truly leading you away from the church or is it a decision you have made?

 

People "blame" God a lot for decisions they make. If you truly feel that going to a different church is what God wants you to do, then fine. But if not, take responsibility for your own decisions.

[Erin]

Having been in this exact same situation for the exact same reason(s), I would stress the drive.  No hurt feelings that way, but still makes a very clear break.

[Garga]

No matter what you do, they will feel bad. Tell them in person and be very, very gentle. Soft voices. My friend left a church and even though they were very gentle about it, the pastor's wife must have been struggling with things because she just broke down in tears and told her husband she didn't want to do this anymore. She wanted out of pastoring. It wasn't anything my friends said specifically, but when a family leaves the church, it can be very hard for those left behind.

 

I know in my small church growing up that when a family left the church, the pastor would be shaken by it. He would try to hide it, but you could tell it hurt him. We were a very small church.

 

I guess it's a normal reaction. Even if the pastor tries to hide it, I suppose they wonder if they're doing something wrong and worry.

[sbgrace]

Having been in this exact same situation for the exact same reason(s), I would stress the drive.  No hurt feelings that way, but still makes a very clear break.

 

This is how I would handle it as well. They can't change their numbers, music or preaching style. Most of that was presumably constant through your attendance, and the kids like the church. So I would emphasize the drive, and thank them for the part they played in your lives.

[redsquirrel]

If you do stress the drive etc, make sure you make it clear you have found another church home.  Because if you say you can't come due to an obstacle they are likely to offer to drive you etc. Make it clear that it isn't 'just' the drive.

 

Sending texts etc for missing one Sunday would creep me out. That would be my reason for leaving right there.

[J-rap]

I think I would write a letter addressed to the pastor on the envelope but for the entire congregation to read or hear.  It would say, "Dear Church Congregation, Thank you for being a loving church home to our family these past couple years.  We would like you to know that we have made the decision to transition to another church.  This was not an easy decision, and we want you to know that it is nothing personal.  We have really appreciated you all so much!   Since our move to a new area, the distance has put a strain on our family, and we would like to seek a church close by which would also make it easier for our children to remain actively involved over the years.  I would like to continue with setting up the new website here, and any other way that I can help the church office in this transition.  Again, thank you for everything you have done for our family!"

 

I'm assuming all of that is pretty much true -- that the congregation has been caring (I guess that's why they text you?? :)) and you don't feel that anything un-Biblical is going on.  I would not go into the sermons not being very good or any other complaints, because I guess those things just are what they are, right? 

[Pawz4me]

I'm sorry but I find this offensive unless it is true. Is "The Lord" truly leading you away from the church or is it a decision you have made?

 

People "blame" God a lot for decisions they make. If you truly feel that going to a different church is what God wants you to do, then fine. But if not, take responsibility for your own decisions.

 

For the Christians I know, it's usually somewhere between very difficult to impossible to differentiate between the two.  Which is why I don't think it's rude/impolite/offensive at all.

 

And in the context I'm referring to it is most certainly not "blaming God."  I can't even wrap my mind around how one could arrive at that interpretation.

 

I can't imagine a minister/priest who would be offended by it.  Certainly none of the ministers I've had experience with would be bothered by it or question it.  They would respect it.

 

Other posters here may have had different experiences, or be coming at this from a different angle.  And that's okay.

[solascriptura]

I would tell the pastor and close friends. Just be honest. I'm sure the pastor wouldn't be surprised or offended by your reasons since they are perfectly valid. If he is offended, he has his own issues.

[texasmama]

We left our church of 15 years over a year ago.  We had a personal relationship with the pastor and his wife so dh met the pastor for lunch, explained that we were leaving and why.  The pastor asked some questions, expressed appropriate sentiments, and it was done.  That felt like the "right" way to do it given our long history and the relationships involved.

[mom2scouts]

When we left a  church after 13 years, we sent a pleasant note telling the pastor that there were reasons that we felt we needed to move to another church.  We didn't go into details and he didn't ask, but if you are asked you can tell him about it being too far of a drive and not providing as much religious training/fellowship or whatever for your children.  I really don't think those things will be a surprise to the pastor.

[Janie Grace]

For respectful and least hurtful and least likely to invite follow-up questions I would use simple but vague church speak: "The Lord is leading us to visit other churches."

Please, please don't do this. As a former pastor's wife, I can tell you that the vagueness hurts far more than honesty. It's also spiritual BS, which is annoying and insults people's intelligence.

[Catwoman]

Unless I had a personal relationship with the priests, I would just stop showing up for church.

 

It wouldn't even occur to me that I had to give anyone a reason.

[Seasider]

If you do stress the drive etc, make sure you make it clear you have found another church home. Because if you say you can't come due to an obstacle they are likely to offer to drive you etc. Make it clear that it isn't 'just' the drive.

 

Sending texts etc for missing one Sunday would creep me out. That would be my reason for leaving right there.

The contact wouldn't creep me out if it were from a friend genuinely missing us.

 

From a deacon on "assignment"? Rather distasteful.

[Starr]

I have a clergy friend that calls this "the rotation of the saints". People move around to suit their current situation. A church isn't really growing unless it's bringing in the unchurched. 

[marbel]

Agreeing with others that it would be good to let the pastor know your reasons.  You can be honest yet tactful.  Church leaders know that sometimes a church ceases to be a good fit for many reasons, not just distance.   But if they don't know why people are leaving, they can't make changes that may help them retain people.  If several families leave because, for example, the music is terrible, but all just give a vague "Lord is leading us..." as a reason, they aren't going to be able to make any changes.  Most church leadership doesn't desire to annoy their congregants.  (Not saying this is what's going on with you, just a general comment.)

 

My main point though is about your involvement in their website.  Set some guidelines for the amount of time you can spend helping with the transition.  You may end up helping long after you feel you want to.   My husband once continued to get emails asking for website help for a full year after we left a church.  It got really tiresome but he continued to help till they stopped. 

 

 

[Lawana]

When we left, we wrote a letter to the pastor and copied the heads of the committees on which we were serving. Dh approached the pastor with letter in hand, with the intention of giving a verbal explanation along with the letter. The pastor brushed him off, so dh left the letter and his keys at pastor's office. Since no one contacted us post leaving, I guess the letter sufficed.

 

The letter gave general reasons for leaving, but there were very specific reasons involving specific persons which we did not feel comfortable putting in writing.

[bolt.]

The simplist and least offensive reason will surely suffice: "Since we've moved, we need to find something closer to our new home."

 

But there's no reason to drag this out. Just pick s week, let people know, and be done.

[elfgivas]

from behind the pulpit, i would appreciate knowing the real and specific reasons.

 

its hard to hear, but so important.  how else will the staff know something isn't working if you don't tell them?

 

journal like crazy for a few days so you are clearer on what specifically is the deal breaker (s).

 

then write and to go talk to the pastor and one lay person.

 

fwiw,

ann

[Heather in Neverland]

For the Christians I know, it's usually somewhere between very difficult to impossible to differentiate between the two. Which is why I don't think it's rude/impolite/offensive at all.

 

And in the context I'm referring to it is most certainly not "blaming God." I can't even wrap my mind around how one could arrive at that interpretation.

 

I can't imagine a minister/priest who would be offended by it. Certainly none of the ministers I've had experience with would be bothered by it or question it. They would respect it.

 

Other posters here may have had different experiences, or be coming at this from a different angle. And that's okay.

The OP said her reasons are it is too far away, too small, she doesn't like the sermons and she doesn't like the music. The church is not a fit for her family and that's why she is leaving. She mentioned nothing about a revelation from God telling her it is time to switch churches.

 

An example of how someone can arrive at "blaming God"? I've got one for you. I have a couple working at my Christian school. They signed a contract to work for two years as new teachers do. But after one year here they just don't like it. The don't like the country and they miss their family and they want to leave. But that means they are breaking contract and going back on their word, and leaving us in a very difficult situation.

 

They don't like dealing with that guilt so instead they use the Christian trump card of "God is leading us..."

 

Uh sorry. You are going back on a promise and showing a lack of integrity and leaving a bunch of students without a teacher. God doesn't "lead" people to do stuff like that. That's your own crappy decision so man up and stop blaming God.

[kiwik]

It is a bit brutal but you may just have to say that the church is not a good fit any more. It seems to be quite common to switch churches because you need a youth group, more young people, more traditional service etc. With the church I attend we have had people leave when their kids aged out of kid's church to go to a church with a youth group. We have also had a number of people switch to us because they needed services for their young kids. Their also seems to be a general musical act when their is a change in minister.

 

You will feel better if you write a polite letter so just do it and move on. I usually get a text if I miss more than one church thing in a row. I think it was allocated to someone at first but now it is just general concern.

[WishboneDawn]

For the Christians I know, it's usually somewhere between very difficult to impossible to differentiate between the two. Which is why I don't think it's rude/impolite/offensive at all.

 

And in the context I'm referring to it is most certainly not "blaming God." I can't even wrap my mind around how one could arrive at that interpretation.

 

I can't imagine a minister/priest who would be offended by it. Certainly none of the ministers I've had experience with would be bothered by it or question it. They would respect it.

 

Other posters here may have had different experiences, or be coming at this from a different angle. And that's okay.

If the reason you're leaving a church is some feeling that you're being led by God divorced from any possible motivation, fine. But I think generally it's some reasons external to that and then maybe an additional feeling, if there's a feeling at all. So then you communicate the reasons.

 

I generally attribute (and perhaps wrongly but it is what it is) the, "God is leading me," but to either folks who aren't as self-aware as they should be, folks that are wildly naive about their own motivations and desires or folks who don't want to come clean with their motivations.

 

It's definitely not part of my religious tradition which may be part of why I have a problem with it.

[FaithManor]

The OP said her reasons are it is too far away, too small, she doesn't like the sermons and she doesn't like the music. The church is not a fit for her family and that's why she is leaving. She mentioned nothing about a revelation from God telling her it is time to switch churches.

 

An example of how someone can arrive at "blaming God"? I've got one for you. I have a couple working at my Christian school. They signed a contract to work for two years as new teachers do. But after one year here they just don't like it. The don't like the country and they miss their family and they want to leave. But that means they are breaking contract and going back on their word, and leaving us in a very difficult situation.

 

They don't like dealing with that guilt so instead they use the Christian trump card of "God is leading us..."

 

Uh sorry. You are going back on a promise and showing a lack of integrity and leaving a bunch of students without a teacher. God doesn't "lead" people to do stuff like that. That's your own crappy decision so man up and stop blaming God.

Heather, that's just unethical! UGH...two years is a blip in time, and a great learning experience even if difficult. Man Up is right! Live up to the committment you make and don't use God as an excuse to be unethical!

 

I'm sorry you are in a position to have to scramble to find someone to cover it. Will you have to teach the class for a while or will you be able to find someone right away?

[Heather in Neverland]

Heather, that's just unethical! UGH...two years is a blip in time, and a great learning experience even if difficult. Man Up is right! Live up to the committment you make and don't use God as an excuse to be unethical!

 

I'm sorry you are in a position to have to scramble to find someone to cover it. Will you have to teach the class for a while or will you be able to find someone right away?

We have found a replacement for one of them but we are still working on the other person. If I have to teach to pick up the slack, I will. God will provide. He always does.

 

Sorry for the rant, but the "God is leading me to..." excuse drives me NUTS. I'm pretty sure God is not too jazzed about it either.

 

If people had a true concept of the holiness of God, they might be a little more careful about ascribing things to Him that are not of Him. JMHO.

[WishboneDawn]

The OP said her reasons are it is too far away, too small, she doesn't like the sermons and she doesn't like the music. The church is not a fit for her family and that's why she is leaving. She mentioned nothing about a revelation from God telling her it is time to switch churches.

 

An example of how someone can arrive at "blaming God"? I've got one for you. I have a couple working at my Christian school. They signed a contract to work for two years as new teachers do. But after one year here they just don't like it. The don't like the country and they miss their family and they want to leave. But that means they are breaking contract and going back on their word, and leaving us in a very difficult situation.

 

They don't like dealing with that guilt so instead they use the Christian trump card of "God is leading us..."

 

Uh sorry. You are going back on a promise and showing a lack of integrity and leaving a bunch of students without a teacher. God doesn't "lead" people to do stuff like that. That's your own crappy decision so man up and stop blaming God.

Further to that, would God less you to do something without reason?

 

Well, barring big exceptions, probably not. Especially with rather human concerns like which church you attend and whether you homeschool, if God is leading, there likely real concrete reasons can shared

[marbel]

We have found a replacement for one of them but we are still working on the other person. If I have to teach to pick up the slack, I will. God will provide. He always does.

 

Sorry for the rant, but the "God is leading me to..." excuse drives me NUTS. I'm pretty sure God is not too jazzed about it either. If people had a true concept of the holiness of God, they might be a little more careful about ascribing things to Him that are not of Him. JMHO.

 

Yeah, I am not an expert theologian but I'm pretty sure God doesn't lead people to just walk away from commitments.  It's a cop-out. 

 

 

[jelbe5]

I would tell them that the drive is putting a strain on you and that you feel the Lord is moving you in a different direction. Let them know you appreciate them.

I would then offer to continue witht the work until they are able to find someone else.

This - the new move and longer drive explains a lot. You are free to explain your dislike of the music, etc. if you want to but it is not necessary.

 

I think it is great you want to help with the website and Facebook. I would like to suggest you set a deadline for a replacement (whom you may offer train) for a smooth transition.

[Tammyla]

In this case, I would graciously stress the commute to whom ever you feel will notice your absence, and move on.   If someone (staff) wants to discuss your overall experience, be honest and don't stress yourself over it. 

 

I hope you find a closer good fit for your family now.

[vonfirmath]

I've left churches under many circumstances

 

1. When I left the area (moved to another state). I told people I was moving. Then looked for a church in the new area and transferred memberships

 

2. When the church was no longer working for me. (Some church abuse going on though I didn't know that was the word for it at the time). I still felt I had to say something to them in person. So I told the person I picked up and took to church that it would be my last time attending and, after service that night, told the pastor that I was leaving the church due to X,Y,Z reasons effective immediately.  (and his explosive reaction kind of confirmed for me I was doing the right thing, though hard to take at the time) I joined the new church based on my testimony, NOT transfer of membership.

 

3. When I met my husband and knew there was something possible permanent going on here, I knew we needed to be attending the same church. So I stopped attending my church and started attending his. Eventually, I transferred membership there.  (His church was better for us due to size and diversity of membership). My church family understood and I continued to do the things I had been doing for them for the rest of the year (up to 8 months in one case) to give them time to replace me.  I was married in this church.

 

4. Again, we moved to a new city. Didn't end up transferring membership for about 5 years. But during that time regularly attended a church for 4-4.5 years. Since we were not members, I just let the Sunday School know when we decided to find another church closer to our home.  But I still miss the people and keep up with activities there, occasionally attending.

 

[Luanne]

My daughter and I just walked out the door and never returned.  We didn't even bother telling anyone we weren't going back.  It is a mega church and I guarantee no one has missed us even a little bit.  It had become where there were too many cliques and only certain people were even acknowledged as to their existence.  We'd had enough.

[marbel]

My daughter and I just walked out the door and never returned.  We didn't even bother telling anyone we weren't going back.  It is a mega church and I guarantee no one has missed us even a little bit.  It had become where there were too many cliques and only certain people were even acknowledged as to their existence.  We'd had enough.

 

There is a big difference between an anonymous mega-church and... almost any other kind of church.  

 

We left a mega-church with no regrets by just sending a letter to the pastor (who probably never read it). We  got a nice generic response letting us know that we were always welcome back.  A few months later they sent us another letter asking if our spiritual needs were being met.  We also did not feel compelled to fulfill our monetary pledge to that church as they were obviously not in need of our pittance.  Maybe that was wrong, but we didn't feel any guilt about it at the time.  They were in the midst of a huge building project with which we disagreed, which was one of the many reasons we left.    A lot of people left that church without giving a reason though.  I think that is typical of a large church unless people are involved in small groups. 

 

The next church was quite small but we realized within a year that we'd made a mistake there too.  We left that church via letter and subsequent meeting with the pastor. Since that was a very poor church, we fulfilled the pledge we'd made. 

 

Since then we have not left a church other than to move.  We've also never again been to a church that wanted a financial pledge.  Coincidence?  Maybe, maybe not.

 

[Lady Marmalade]

When we left a church, DH met quietly with the pastor, explained our reasonings, and that was that.  We attended one more Sunday service, but asked that it not be made known that it was our last week.  We were very, very involved in things at that church, and we both were concerned in that regard- who would do what we did week to week and day to day?

 

It turned out, we needn't have worried.  In our experience, with just about every position/task within the church, even though there is someone fulfilling that position, there is someone quietly considering the idea of filling that position someday.  We've seen all too often where someone left the church with a huge gap in an important position, only to have someone step forward to fill it. 

 

 

[HS Mom in NC]

A frank and honest explanation in person with the pastor seems one appropriate option, but consider something written in addition-I had a pastor who had serious problems with focus, retention and couldn't accurately paraphrase the simplest thing people said.  Meetings were a nightmare. Sermons wandered aimlessly. No, he was young and didn't have Alzheimer's.  I despise being misquoted and I'm meticulous when I quote others.  I expect the same if others are going to quote me.

 

Or you can simply move on and when people call or text you can tell them you appreciate their concern but you're joining a different church. If they ask why and you don't want to discuss it, simply tell them you don't want to discuss it.   I don't believe there is any Biblical evidence that the pastor or anyone else is entitled to an explanation when someone chooses to leave.

[bibliophile]

Leaving a church for any reason is difficult. You say that you are a member of the church. Does your church have a constitution, membership covenant, or anything along those lines? Those documents often include a simple statement regarding the process of leaving or transferring membership to another church.

 

I would urge you to meet with your pastor or an elder, in person, before departing. Prayerfully examine your reasons for leaving. If they all fall under the category of preferences, I do not think you have to mention them; just simply state that you need to find a church closer to your new home. If there is error involved, you should discuss those.  I like the idea of sending a letter to be read to the entire congregation after you depart -- keep it positive and encouraging to the members.

 

Once you have made your decision to leave, I think it is often better to make an exit rather than to drag it out. Transitioning out rarely makes things easier and only leads to worry and speculation on the part of the congregants and leadership.

 

Last year my family became involved in a church plant. All of the sudden I was a church planter's wife. Wow! I have such a different perspective than I did previously!  As members of other churches, those phone calls and check ins when we missed a week of church irked me. I'll be honest - I struggled with it. Why couldn't they just leave me alone? Why couldn't they just butt out of my life?  Well, guess what? They CARED about us! They were part of our life. They loved us. When someone misses church, my husband worries about them. Are they sick? Are they struggling? Did they get in an accident on the way to church? What do they need prayer for?  He does not call or email them in order to rebuke them, but in order to encourage them, pray with them...

 

What a burden is lifted and what sweet fellowship is gained when a congregant sends my husband a quick message letting him know that they will be missing church. During church we can pray for the sick or pray for safe travels for the grandparents driving to meet their new grandchild for the first time.

 

When we become members of a church, we have the privilege of sharing in fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ.  We have a new earthly family. We have a standing invitation to gather together and to share in communion together at the Lord's Table. We are missed if we are not there.  Just imagine that you were hosting a celebratory gathering and were expecting 20 guests and only 18 showed up. Would you not be worried about the welfare of your brother who didn't show up, or your daughter who moved away without telling you?

 

OP - I will keep you in my prayers as you seek out an new home church. :)