HappyLady Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I'm just curious. It's not a big thing, I'm just wondering if anyone would be annoyed by this like I am. :) Every time I post a picture on Facebook of my DD or post something silly my DD said or did my MIL always comments something like, "Just like her grandma." It's become a little joke between my DH and I because I could post something like my DD is the tallest among all of her friends (she isn't, she's average height) and my MIL would comment, "Just like her grandma." My MIL is 4'11" and I'm 5'9", but we joke that she'd say it just because it seems like everything about my DD is "just like her grandma." Would this annoy you? I love my MIL and all, but it would be nice to get at least *some* credit for my DD's looks/personality once in awhile. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I'm sure your MIL doesn't mean anything by it; she is probably just trying to connect with her granddaughter and show her pride in her. But it would bug me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 It would annoy me, but I'd never say anything because it does not sound malicious. Make it into a running gag. ;) I am sooooo happy my parents are not on FB! My mom would comment on everyfreakingthing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I can see why it gets annoying, but it seems pretty harmless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 The repetitiveness of it would bug me, but not what she is doing. it is so transparent that it makes me feel more kindly towards her. If she were actually saying it to my kid on such a constant basis that would weird me out and would prob move me to say something. But, if it is between her and the other adults (or facebook) then let it go. Of you could always ask her "how do you mean?" to let her ramble on a bit. Maybe if you did that a few hundred times she would feel like she was getting more attention? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 It would bug me (a lot), but I would make a joke about it and try to shrug it off. It doesn't sound like she's trying to be mean or thoughtless although it feel that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Yes, it would annoy me but I probably wouldn't do anything about it except for post things that are obviously untrue of her like the height thing just to see if I could get her to say it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 No, it wouldn't bother me. I would be glad she was proud enough of her to claim her in that way. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 My MIL does this, too, and once my dh said to her, "You know, there's an entire other branch of this kid's family tree that might take credit for that, too." hehe But I agree with the others who said it could be about connecting with your child and making HERSELF feel a part of a close-knit family, even *needed*, if that is something she never had. Definitely so with my MIL so I give her grace on this. ;) (And yes, I do find it annoying! lol) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I would think it was funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilma Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Yes, it would bother me. I'd probably not say anything to her about it, though, as the relationship is sort of fragile. My mil often finds not just her own positive qualities, but those of far flung relatives on her side to claim in my people. So Kid2, whose eyes are pretty much exactly like mine and my mom's, remind her SO MUCH of her grandmother's cousin, and they are surely inherited from him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Seriously, someone else who got the "I'm not a babysitting grandma speech"? It's kind of sick that that makes me happy, sorry, Margaret, but I feel less alone over that one, now. OP, if it *really* gets overboard and you have had enough, you could just delete her comment. Of course you might hear fall out from that but it might get her thinking about how often she says makes that comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Well, I agree with PPs on here that it might annoy me a bit if it happened every time I posted, but I don't think I would say anything, either, since there are some grandmas out there that would only find flaws. She seems to just want to connect and feel proud of her granddaughter. I guess, though, if this is really that often, you could maybe make some comments right when you post, like when you post the picture post a comment that you and DH just love that she has so and so's whatever from one side and grandma's whatever from the other side and you think she is the perfect blend of both families....kind of do a preemptive strike of pointing out that DD is a wonderful blend of both sides of the family without excluding her desire to be a part of it all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I would be mildly annoyed, but wouldn't make a big deal about it or anything. It might be funny if you started putting it in your statuses "DD is getting good at X, just like her grandma!" I bet friends that follow you pretty closely would get a kick out of it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 If this person and I had a bad relationship, then it would bug me, otherwise, no. I would take it as a joking/playful/friendly sort of thing. If this person is of normal mental state, then I doubt that she is 100% serious, and she would have to know that there are indeed other genetic factors at play. ;) If she seriously thought her genetic traits trumped all :001_huh: then I doubt that we would have a good relationship to begin with. If that were the case, then see first statement. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Yep, it would bother me, because I have that kind of mil (and dh to a degreel. And I know it isn't as innocent as it appears. And eventually, it does have an effect on the kid. My kids know that I was the swimmer growing up. They are on the same team I was on as a kid, swim for the same coach, know that I am the water person who still has to restrain myself driving past any body of water, because I still want to just hop out and start swimming. I live for water! And dd has the gall to ask me this week where she gets her swimming skill/love from. REALLY? Her dad didn't even know swimming was a sport until I signed our kids up when they were little! So if your dd is seeing/hearing this... even though she might know it's not true... at some point she may start to believe that grandma was all that. I refused to friend mil when she got facebook last fall. I like the comment that says you should add "just like x from my family" or something similar. Or, you could block her from seeing some of your posts. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 My MIL is the same way except everything is "just like their daddy." It annoys me a little but not enough to say anything or make me do more than roll my eyes. I agree, it's better to make it a joke and laugh about it. Now that both sets of grandparents are on FB I sometimes get exchanges like this: "Just like their Daddy," followed by "No, just like their mother!" Make it stop! I sympathize with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I might even respond the next time she makes that comment with "Actually, I think she takes after HER mother! lol" It would probably go right over her over inflated head, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I think she sounds like a proud grandma. It would be different if she followed it up with, "Thank heavens she doesn't take after her horrible mother." ;) I think it's an overreaction to be upset or offended by a simple little comment. She's being nice, not trying to make you look bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I would only be annoyed if Grandma was annoying in other ways and I generally disliked her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I don't think it should bother me but if I'm being honest it would. But my MIL doesn't understand why my children have blue eyes because hers are brown. Yeah, that would be from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 We endure this also. Apparently my family is gene-less. :lol: Be happy that she's taking interest...and just let it roll like water off the proverbial duck's back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 It wouldn't bother me. My family and dh's family 'see' things in each dd that reminds them of themselves or their families. I get a lot of people saying older dd is "just like her aunt" (my sister) because of her red hair. It used to upset me but then I realized they all just love them so much and want to be able to claim a bit of them. I now choose to feel thankful that we have family that cares so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 You could ask her "Did all of your children take after your mother-in-law?" Or, you could change the child's profile picture to one of YOUR mother with the kid. Or, you could preemptively label everything #justlikehergrandma. I'm being silly. I'd probably just try to ignore it. My kids have both grandmas on FB, so we have checks and balances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 it sounds like your mil wants attention and in this context, I'd get weary of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Or, you could preemptively label everything #justlikehergrandma. maybe a picture of her covered in mud? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I get it. My brothers have both had babies since the last time I saw them, and my one SIL has a sister. Every time someone posts about my niece, and I comment, SIL's sister comes back with "her favorite aunt" comments. My brother finally told her to cut it out, as she was blatantly doing it only when I replied. Like I needed any reminder that I hadn't gotten to meet her yet. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I've tried to move past it. There's a certain older relative who posts comments on everything and yes, makes it personal. ETA: removed extra content Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholarly Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Sometimes grandmas are delusional. My *stepmother* (with whom I have a good relationship) claims my kids have all kinds of her traits... including her blue eyes! To answer the question- I would be slightly annoyed if it were my mom and greatly annoyed if it were my MIL. It's hilarious when it's my stepmother, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Yep... if you ask my husbands family, the kids may as well have been born of a surrogate mother using all DHs genes. My family has passed on NOTHING apparently, and not only do they point out which elements are like them, they point out which elements are NOT like MINE (or my family) Nevermind that DD2s face looked so much like my mum that I, a legally blind adult, would tear up and have trouble looking at her because of the instant reminder. Thankfully she grew out of those features quickly :) It would bug me, but unless there is obvious maliciousness behind it I would just let it slide as one of those relatives things. There's much bigger battles to fight. I don't bother to contradict anything, I just smile and nod, smile and nod... lol. Yes, that tanned skin definitely came from the one aunt out of 8 who has unusually olive skin compared to the pale siblings, and couldn't possibly have come from my dad and both my sisters, who all look almost Caribbean in complexion and who tan so dark in summer it's unbelievable. (It may have even come from me! I have albinism, so I am very pale, but genetically I could very well have the genes for red or brown or even black hair!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdrinca Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 It would bother me, and this is why: it's thoughtless. It's knee-jerk. There's nothing in the comment which addresses anything about your daughter, other than that she exists. I have higher expectations for grandparents and others who claim to want a close relationship with my children. I find, sadly, that my MIL is more interested in having the children around as extensions of her vanity than do to the hard work of fostering a close relationship with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 My grandmother does this; every single desirable trait or gene is form her side of the family every (what she says) undesirable gene or trait is form the other side. For example one of my boys has curly hair. My DHs sister has the exact same curls. My grandmother claims that her great aunt (lived over 100 years ago) had curly hair so it is form her side of the family. We just have a good laugh after she has gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Or, you could preemptively label everything #justlikehergrandma. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I would laugh. She just loves the kid and wants to be connected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 BTDT. It's my mom, not my MIL, but it still bothered me up until a few years ago. I laugh it off now, because dd2 IS "just like her grandma" at 24 years of age but not in a good way and Mom's insights are very helpful towards mitigating this or at least dealing with it in a healthy manner. I'll try to remember not to say that about my as-yet-unconceived grandbabies. I'm bad enough about giggling at ds1's kitty and saying, "His name should be Payback" so we shall see what we shall see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Even if my MIL were on Facebook, I would not friend her. Dh would and he would be more than welcome too. There is a fair amount of friction between MIL and me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I think you're being a bit sensitive. Honestly, facebook is not real life. It seems like a lot of people take it so seriously. You post pictures and other people make comments. Is it really a reflection of you what they say, or is it more a reflection of them? Do you think other people who look at these pictures can make this distinction? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Without knowing anything about your MIL, no one here can know. If it was my MIL, I'd roll my eyes and move on. We (my kids and husband) would joke about it. But that's because I'd know my MIL wasn't trying to be obnoxious, just a bit clueless. I suppose if our relationship was different, I might think differently about it. I think you're being a bit sensitive. Honestly, facebook is not real life. It seems like a lot of people take it so seriously. You post pictures and other people make comments. Is it really a reflection of you what they say, or is it more a reflection of them? Do you think other people who look at these pictures can make this distinction? While I was typing, this popped up. I like this. I don't post much on facebook but one person always seems to make a goofy comment. I stopped bothering to acknowledge them or "correct" the person. Their goofiness is their own, not mine to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Yes. It smacks of that 'everything must be about me' thing that I find irritating. That said, my self image is connected to being a mother. It is who I am, and how I present myself to the world. I would imagine this is true for my MIl and yours, even though my MIL had an interesting career as well. Being a Wife and mother was probably fundamental to their identity It must be very hard to enter into a stage when you are just some lady on the side lines - watching a woman who perhaps doesn't care for you live with your son and raise his kids. I suspect she just wants to remain a relevant part of things and does not know how, wants to remind the world that she was a mother and has a legacy. Don't spoil it for her. My Mother thinks my children are clones of my father. My MIL sees her family. It's ok. I let them. My kids will not be hurt by having two old ladies long to bask in their glory:). Most of us leave nothing much behind in this world besides people who love us. Genetics does not have to be part of that, but if it helps aging people accept their own mortality, it's something to indulge. My mother says that the thing that helps her cope with loss - loss of her parents, her grandparents, my dad, etc, is seeing my children and knowing that to have new generations, the old pass away. She is comforted by seeing shadows of all those beloved old people in my children and in me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I'll try to remember not to say that about my as-yet-unconceived grandbabies. I'm bad enough about giggling at ds1's kitty and saying, "His name should be Payback" so we shall see what we shall see. See, this is my kind of warped humor. I could see myself saying my grandbabies are "just like her grandma" about everything just as a joke. But then I would go on to say that the cat is "just like me" and other ridiculous statements just to be silly. My kids know that I'm warped like that though. I try not to annoy them - too much. But then my kids would throw it back in my face by reminding me that every tantrum etc. was "just like her grandma"! And I would find that funny too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 My mom does this. Not on Facebook, but on the phone or whatever. If I mention something amazing one of the children did, she always says, "Oh, she gets it from her grandma," or "He's just like his grandma." I've taken to responding, in a joking tone, "Yeah, dh's mom is great," or something. I find it mildly annoying, but not something that's truly worth confronting. I'd like to take some credit for my children myself once in a while, though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I agree with the connection thing--and that it's a bit thoughtless, but it doesn't seem malicious. It seems sorta sweet, to me. I have the dearest mil on the planet, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indian summer Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 My grandmother does this; every single desirable trait or gene is form her side of the family every (what she says) undesirable gene or trait is form the other side. For example one of my boys has curly hair. My DHs sister has the exact same curls. My grandmother claims that her great aunt (lived over 100 years ago) had curly hair so it is form her side of the family. We just have a good laugh after she has gone. I can relate to this post. Only it's not my grandmother, but my ILs. It is annoying that they cannot acknowledge I have any good qualities that I've passed on to my kids, but I also know that it's coming from a place of insecurity and ignorance so dh and I laugh it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I don't think it should bother me but if I'm being honest it would. But my MIL doesn't understand why my children have blue eyes because hers are brown. Yeah, that would be from me. My older two have brown eyes like me. MIL actually said about my then 2 year old, "where did she get those pretty brown eyes?" Then looked at me and realized my eyes were brown. This was after 12 years of knowing the woman! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 It wouldn't bother me at all. It's just a proud grandma who loves her grandchild and wants to have it noted that they belong to each other. After Fritz was born, my MIL was constantly saying every little thing he did was "just like his Grampy." Jamie's dad died while I was pregnant with Fritz and my MIL was really clinging to her wish that this child be just like him. Fact is, he isn't and wasn't, but it was okay. She wanted to see him in the little guy and that's okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I refuse to friend MIL on FB. She is a very annoying, clueless woman. I am sure in our case she would ignore my kids' pictures outright while commenting a zillion times on her "golden grandchildren." :thumbdown: She isn't malicious but is very, very intellectually challenged so she makes her extreme favoritism obvious. My SIL is the one who constantly says my kids look like someone on my husband's side of the family, in person. I don't friend ILs on FB, because they are all either passive aggressive, criminal, or mentally unstable. :w00t: I put up with a lot of nonsense for years and then just dropped the rope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I would be thrilled if my parents had the interest or capacity to look at, much less comment on, pictures of my kids. Consider it flattery and count your blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Seriously, someone else who got the "I'm not a babysitting grandma speech"? It's kind of sick that that makes me happy, sorry, Margaret, but I feel less alone over that one, now. ME TOO! It really is "nice" to know that others have heard that. It's my own mother, but still. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Danestress- I think your post was beautiful and I hope to refer to it when dealing with my aging parents/in laws. It puts things in perspective. For me anyways! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I just wanted to add that I see my parents in my kids and my in-laws and a cousin or two on either side. My kids are a blend of two families and different traits come out at different times. I've had people tell me that my kids are the spitting image of me and then the next second someone will tell me that they are the spitting image of my dh who looks nothing like me. They are both right because with a turn of the head they will look like me, and a lift of the eyebrow will look like their dad. They laugh like one aunt and enjoy reading like another. And at the same time, they are completely themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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