I know it's all small potatoes compared to what some folks have on their plates.

[Jenny in Florida]

But I am seriously feeling defeated today.

 

This is probably just a rant, because I know I won't be receptive to the advice I know I would hear. (Cut back, make someone else help more, etc.) But if I don't vent, I feel like I'm going to implode. So, here goes . . .

 

As I think I'm mentioned before, I have in the last couple of months started working two part-time jobs, hoping to ease some of the money tension around here and make it possible for my son to really devote himself to dance for his remaining couple of years before college auditions roll around. This means I now work at least some time for pay, either outside the house or at home, seven days a week, while still doing virtually all of the household stuff AND driving two teens to an assortment of jobs, extracurriculars, auditions and rehearsals ALSO pretty much seven days a week.

 

And it just doesn't seem to be making anything better.

 

There are a couple of relatively serious financial issues I don't want to discuss in detail publicly. So, let's just say, I'm already operating in stress mode. But I keep reminding myself that the money will begin flowing more reliably, and it can't help but make things better, eventually.

 

Then, I started getting a series of texts and e-mails from my son's dance school announcing changes to their pricing structure for the year. This happened AFTER we had filled out registration materials and paid the annual registration fees and the first month's tuition, allowed our son to audition for the competition team and agreed to placements, signed paperwork designating the number of dances in which he will participate for competitions and started classes and rehearsals, told him what he would be doing. I agreed to all of this after a couple of gulps and a lot of deep calming breaths and a ton of time spent with my calculator, figuring out estimates based on last year's fees. I figured, with careful planning and the paychecks from my two measly jobs, we could swing it. And then, in the last couple of days, we've been informed that the studio will be charging for things that were included in basic choreography fees last year and that a certain number of private or semi-private sessions that were optional last year will now be required. All told, it adds up to a little over $200 per month more than I had estimated.

 

So, more deep breathing, more time with the calculator figuring out how many more hours I need to work to cover that. And I'm concerned, but trying not to panic, trying to stay positive . . .

 

And then we sat down last night to try and strategize how to handle today's transportation schedule. (I was supposed to work at the store this afternoon. My daughter had to be picked up from one of her part-time jobs at noon and then ferried to her voice lesson, which was due to end at the same time I had to be at work in a different part of town. Meanwhile, my son was scheduled for a dance rehearsal that was supposed to start an hour after my shift and end an hour before I was done, and he had to be dropped off and picked up. And then my daughter has a meeting/rehearsal for an event she committed to months ago scheduled to start in yet another part of town right around the time I was due to leave the retail job and to end right when I was supposed to be logging in for the internet one.) Normally, my husband can arrange to juggle his work schedule at least a little bit to help with this, but he wasn't available today. Eventually, it became clear the only way to make this work was for me to call out of work today. I'm actually still sick from whatever hit me after I was away last weekend, so it's legit not to go to work and cough all over the babies and families who shop at the store. But, it did mean waving goodbye to the few dollars I would have made with that shift.

 

In the midst of all of this, I forgot my phone at the Panera where I was hanging out last night waiting for my son to finish dance. Retrieving it required an hour-long round-trip first thing this morning.

 

Meanwhile, my son's tap shoes from last year finally and completely gave up the ghost this past weekend. Because good-quality vegan-friendly tap shoes for giant, man-sized feet aren't in stock at the local dancewear stores, we had special ordered replacements for him six weeks ago. They arrived last week, but I hadn't had the time to take them to the local store to have the taps added. Since the store is more or less in the neighborhood of my daughter's job, I left the house early with shoes in hand to take care of that on the way to collect her . . . And when I got there, I discovered that the dance store can't put taps on these particular shoes, for a variety of reasons. They referred me to a shoe repair place that does work for many entertainers in the area, but there is one problem that may make the shoes unsatisfactory, even if we could fix the three other issues. So, now I have an expensive, non-returnable (because they were a special order) pair of shoes and $35 worth of taps (which I probably can return), but no functional tap shoes for my son to wear and no idea what to try next.

 

I also learned that the ballet shoes we special ordered through the dance store almost two months ago are on back order, with no word when they will arrive.

 

And then, and then . . . I came home to find a notice on our front door from the rental company informing us that they are again unsatisfied with the condition of the yard. We have seven days to remedy the problem. Otherwise, they will hire a maintenance service on our behalf and charge us $150 per month. And if we get in trouble with it again any time in the next year, they reserve the right to kick us out.

 

To fully understand the impact of this last little blip, you must know that yard work is ALSO "mine" around here. My husband has a bad back from an injury he sustained in his early 20s and simply cannot do this kind of physical work. My daughter is working more than full time between the two part-time jobs, one of which is very physical. (She's already had to go to the doctor twice in the last six months for work-related strains/injuries.) My son is willing to help with the yard, but, frankly, bad at it and already so busy with school and dance that he isn't getting enough rest as it is. We have an unpowered, basic push mower that really isn't up to the job and a cheap weed whacker-type unit that jams approximately every 15 minutes. Obviously, I can't afford to upgrade the equipment. The yard is not small. It frequently takes me as much as three hours to do a reasonably okay job on it, and then I am wiped out and sore for two days.

 

I seriously, honestly don't know what else I'm supposed to do. I feel like I'm being punished or like someone is trying to make a point, but I'm clueless what I'm supposed to learn from this.

 

My daughter is making plans to move out by the end of this summer. I have, at most, two more years with my son at home full time. I am conscious of every passing day. I want to do as much as I can for them before I'm "done" being a full-time parent, before they move on to the next phases of their lives. I want to make sure they are prepared to the best of my ability to be successful. Right now, that means allowing our daughter to live with us and be responsible for minimal expenses so she can build a nest egg before her move to the big city. And it means getting our son access to the very best, the very most training and education we can manage so that he is in the best possible position to get admitted to a good college program with the most attractive financial aid package available.

 

There is nothing we're doing that I'm willing to cut, but I don't see how we can continue if the universe insists on piling more and more onto my head . . .

 

Oh, and I had no sooner gotten home and read the lawn notice when a massive storm hit and the heavens opened up, dumping torrential rains.

 

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I just really hate today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Maybe it is a sign that you are supposed to move into a small apartment with no yard, cheaper and more convenient for driving than your current house?

 

That is a lot on your plate, praying for you.

[fraidycat]

:grouphug:

[Trish]

Sheesh.

 

And I thought WE were busy.

 

I now feel like I'm on an extended vacation.

 

I could've said you lost me at "vegan-friendly tap shoes" but honestly I think in general what's going on with you and your family can be achingly typical for certain segments of the American lifestyle. Whenever I start feeling that way I re-read The Grapes of Wrath.

 

Sorry things have been so stressful lately! I

 

 

[Cindy in FL.]

When it rains, it pours (especially in Florida)! I cannot imagine how you are even attempting to accomplish all that. It has to be so hard to be stretched as thinly as you can go and then to be told you have to give more! I think that you are a wonderful mom (and wife) to be willing to lay your life down to such an extent for your family. You are one in a million! I know that none of that helps, but I'm sending out virtual hugs, good wishes, and super-woman strength to you!

[TammyinTN]

I have no words of wisdom so I'm sending hugs and prayers your way.   :grouphug:

 

Wish I lived near you...I would come mow your yard for ya!  :grouphug:

[Dana]

:grouphug:

[happi duck]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[bettyandbob]

I think I would try going to the school and discuss with someone that the new pricing structure was published AFTER they took deposits and committments for this year and adjustments need to be considered. 

 

Otherwise,  :grouphug: . Working 2 jobs stinks. I know and my dh is/does do heavy lifting around the house and I don't much of a yard to maintain. I think I would want to run away if I was forced to do more. 

[retiredHSmom]

I wouldn't call all of that small potatoes.  That is a lot of stressors for one person.  Is there any chance at all of procuring another very inexpensive car or maybe even a scooter/moped?

[TravelingChris]

Wow, that is a lot. But I do understand.  I am homeschooling my last one too and you do see the end and want to make it the best for that kid.   I hope you get some relief from your problems.

[Jenny in Florida]

:grouphug:

 

Maybe it is a sign that you are supposed to move into a small apartment with no yard, cheaper and more convenient for driving than your current house?

 

That is a lot on your plate, praying for you.

 

I advocated for the no-yard option when we moved into this house two and a half years ago. I was voted down.

 

To be fair, at the time we did not understand just how much lawn maintenance would be required of us. One long side of the yard faces a main road and includes a bus stop, and we assumed that it was maintained by the city. Only when we got the first non-compliance notice and called to clarify why we were in trouble were we informed that it was our responsibility.

 

Also in the name of fairness to my husband and family, I will add that we had employed a lawn service at the previous rental, and I think the assumption was that we would do the same here. But we hadn't yet found anyone when my husband was notified of a looming salary cut. So, I bought the cheap-o mower and said I would take care of it until we found a better solution. I just didn't expect to still be doing it more than two years later.

 

Honestly, it would be difficult to find a place smaller in which we would all fit, though. There are four adult-sized people, two cats and a dog currently living in 1400 square feet. I'm not sure we could find an apartment any smaller or less expensive that would take all of us.

[Dandelion]

I hope something comes through to provide some relief for you.   :grouphug:

[Truscifi]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[ElizabethB]

I advocated for the no-yard option when we moved into this house two and a half years ago. I was voted down.

 

To be fair, at the time we did not understand just how much lawn maintenance would be required of us. One long side of the yard faces a main road and includes a bus stop, and we assumed that it was maintained by the city. Only when we got the first non-compliance notice and called to clarify why we were in trouble were we informed that it was our responsibility.

 

Also in the name of fairness to my husband and family, I will add that we had employed a lawn service at the previous rental, and I think the assumption was that we would do the same here. But we hadn't yet found anyone when my husband was notified of a looming salary cut. So, I bought the cheap-o mower and said I would take care of it until we found a better solution. I just didn't expect to still be doing it more than two years later.

 

Honestly, it would be difficult to find a place smaller in which we would all fit, though. There are four adult-sized people, two cats and a dog currently living in 1400 square feet. I'm not sure we could find an apartment any smaller or less expensive that would take all of us.

:grouphug:

[Dandelion]

Can one or both of the kids use public transportation to relieve you of some of the ferrying around (especially if it interferes with your work schedule)?  

[Miss Mousie]

I'm so sorry, Jenny.  :grouphug:

[Jen500]

:grouphug:

[Danestress]

Jenny, honestly what I am reading is essentially, "Being the kind of mother I want to be under the circumstances that exist is really hard and is exhausting me, if it's even possible to be that Mother."

 

I can't tell you to cut back at the expense of doing the things you want for your children because you want for them what you want for them, and you probably aren't going to do that. You are paying the price of being a devoted mother of children with sort of expensive dreams.

 

So you carry on.

 

I hope some day they really 'get' how much you poured into their lives and their futures and that they will be devoted to your grandchildren in the same way, and I hope you get to enjoy watching that! You will push through this, and you are an amazing woman and awesome mom.

[G5052]

Sounds like my life for the last decade.  Seriously.  I somehow do it *all.*  Poorly, but somehow. 

 

I've been stressing over expenses for my kids too.  Their favorite activity could DOUBLE in cost in October, or maybe not -- I wish they'd decide. It isn't trivial to me because I don't get paid every month, and I have to budget.  And the owner of studio where we may be moving asked me last night if I'd consider doing an adult activity there while they're in class.  And it came out of me, "Not if you're going to ***DOUBLE*** our fees."  I guess she got the message because she turned and talked to someone else.

 

One foot in front of another is the only way.   :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

:grouphug:

 

Maybe it is a sign that you are supposed to move into a small apartment with no yard, cheaper and more convenient for driving than your current house?

 

That is a lot on your plate, praying for you.

I was going to suggest a town house in the middle of the places that you and your kids need to be so that walking/biking to activities is a viable option.

 

:grouphug:

 

You really have your hands full.

[Jenny in Florida]

Thanks for all of the hugs and reassurances. Some of the comments here made me cry a little, but in a good way. (I have this tendency to weep when anyone is nice to me.)

 

I was dreading mentioning the lawn thing to my husband, because I knew it would put him in a bad mood. But he got home a while ago, and I made myself tell him about it as soon as he'd changed clothes and sat down. He took it about as well as one  could hope, but at least I no longer have to carry that small stress around on top of everything else.

 

And my son came in a little while ago and told me not to worry about dinner, that he'd feed himself so that I didn't need to worry about it, which was also nice.

 

And my husband did get home in time to drive our daughter to her event tonight, meaning I can breathe for a few minutes and still log in for my online job on time in a little while. Hopefully, things will be busy online tonight, and I'll have an excuse not to think about anything else for a couple of hours.

 

And it does really help to be able to let off some steam here and get such thoughtful and kind responses. Thanks a bunch, all.

[Swimtaxi234]

 

 

My son is willing to help with the yard, but, frankly, bad at it and already so busy with school and dance that he isn't getting enough rest as it is.

 

As a busy Mom, my heart goes out to you in this difficult situation.   :grouphug:

 

I will say that the above quote made me stop and read it twice.  Just recently I saw my husband do something in the house that made me comment, "What a great job!"  He laughed and said that years ago he didn't want to be bothered doing it so he just did it poorly until I took over the task.  

 

If you son has 3 ten minute periods to get on the computer, text friends, or watch TV (once or twice a week), then he has the time to work in the yard doing a GOOD job.  If you share how completely overwhelmed you are in life to give HIM all of the extracurricular luxuries, maybe he will feel some ownership in your financial journey for his benefit.  

 

However all of that is a moot point if he honestly has no free minutes to help.  I also agree that one or both of your children seem old enough to take the city bus since you have a bus stop so close.

[Jenny in Florida]

As a busy Mom, my heart goes out to you in this difficult situation.   :grouphug:

 

I will say that the above quote made me stop and read it twice.  Just recently I saw my husband do something in the house that made me comment, "What a great job!"  He laughed and said that years ago he didn't want to be bothered doing it so he just did it poorly until I took over the task.  

 

If you son has 3 ten minute periods to get on the computer, text friends, or watch TV (once or twice a week), then he has the time to work in the yard doing a GOOD job.  If you share how completely overwhelmed you are in life to give HIM all of the extracurricular luxuries, maybe he will feel some ownership in your financial journey for his benefit.  

 

However all of that is a moot point if he honestly has no free minutes to help.  I also agree that one or both of your children seem old enough to take the city bus since you have a bus stop so close.

 

My son would actually like to take over doing the yard, especially if we were willing to pay him even a token amount for doing it. But, no, he's really just terrible at it. He literally doesn't seem to see what needs to be done.

 

And, yes, between dual enrollment (three classes), two online classes and 10+ hours of dance per week, his schedule is pretty packed. Most days, he can pretty much manage school, homework, dancing, eating and sleeping almost enough to get up and do it again the next day.

 

Since a couple of people have mentioned the bus thing: The Orlando metro area is very spread out, geographically. And our bus system -- the only public transportation currently available -- leaves much to be desired. For example, there is no reasonably direct route from here to my daughter's primary part-time job. Getting there on the bus would require her to take the bus that stops in front of our house, then transfer twice. At certain times of the day, the trip could made in as little as 90 minutes (versus driving for 30), but the final bus goes as far at that last stop for only a couple of trips first thing in the morning and the late in the afternoon. Outside of those two windows, getting from here to there would require her to walk the last four miles on a major road with no sidewalks. Her most common shift there runs from 6:30 or 7:00 am to noon or 1:00 pm. My husband works not too far away and is usually able to drop her first thing. It's getting her home that is problematic, and that almost always falls during the time in which that bus isn't running to that stop.

 

She is not allowed to hang around on property when she's not working. And, even if it were possible, waiting around in the area until the bus was running again would prevent her from getting home in time to go to her second job on the three days a week she works there.

 

Similarly, there is no bus that gets closer than three miles away from my son's dance school (which is also the site of my daughter's second job). That area is not quite as bad for walking (if you ignore Florida's assorted weather issues), but there is a sidewalk only most of the way from the bus's last stop to the dance school, and it is on the wrong side of a very busy street. The whole area is also apparently perpetually under construction.

 

Both kids have been experimenting with using the bus system for some occasional social outings. It's not that they are unwilling. In fact, I think my son would love the independence. It's just not practical for the kinds of commuting we/they do.

[ondreeuh]

I don't know how scarce jobs are there, but could your daughter look for work closer to home? Is all the time and gas it takes to transport her worth what she earns?

[texasmama]

(((hugs)))  You are a really good mom and wife, Jenny.  Your dedication to doing what is needed to give your kids the best possible boost from the nest into the world is very admirable.  (((hugs))) 

[regentrude]

No advice, just hugs.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Sorry :(. I think I'd raise a fuss with the dance studio about changing price structures AFTER you signed and deposited. Other than that, no real advice. Just a ((hug)).

[Janie Grace]

I'm so sorry and I hope something "gives" soon.  :grouphug:

 

The only practical thing that stands out is the dance thing... I agree that it's unfair for them to raise prices after you've committed. Can you appeal that? Perhaps there is enough of a history with your son that they would be willing to give him a "scholarship" to make this possible for him. 

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't know how scarce jobs are there, but could your daughter look for work closer to home? Is all the time and gas it takes to transport her worth what she earns?

 

It's not just any job, is the thing. It's an actual job in her field -- entertainment -- that pays better than anything else she's likely to find AND provides a meaningful line on her resume. She's actually making a pretty decent amount of money, and because we're covering her expenses, she's banking almost all of it. She's planning for the big move to NYC within the year, and she'll be able to go with several months of living expenses in her checkbook by the time she's ready to pack up and head out of town, as well.

 

Her secondary part-time job is also strategic. It's administrative, and is allowing her to gain skills and develop references she can use when applying for tide-me-over-until-I'm-a-star jobs once she's out on her own.

 

Plus, this year, she's getting an opportunity to teach a couple of classes, which is more good experience for her resume.

[Catwoman]

Jenny, please don't ever think that your problems are "small potatoes" just because there are others who have it worse!!! No matter who you are, someone will have it better and someone will have it worse, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be upset about things or feel sorry for yourself or feel overwhelmed!!!

 

You are such a great mom and you do so much for your kids, and it seems like you have to keep up the house and the yard as well. That's a LOT of responsibility! No wonder you needed to vent!

 

You won't get any lectures from me, just some :grouphug:

[Mommy22alyns]

Oh my gosh, it just all hit the fan for you, didn't it??  Vent away!   :grouphug:

[celticmom]

:grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

just about lost me with the vegan shoes.

 

 

[elegantlion]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Jenny, I'm sorry. It all hits when we're already feeling stressed or sick. 

 

I had to quit my part time job because it exacerbated my exercise induced asthma to the point I was sick. I almost went to the ER on my last day. So today I'm gearing up for another garage sale, which I hate doing, hoping to survive until my financial aid get dispersed. 

 

Please don't forget to take care of you in all this. It's much harder to get well when you have no time to stop. 

[Isabella]

Your daughter is old enough to drive, even if it's only on a moped.  I completely understand where you are coming from, and many of parents want to do all they can to help out their kids, but I honestly think that doing too much for them, when they CAN afford to do it for themselves, does them a disservice.  They probably won't like being asked to contribute, or come up with ideas, but I think I would find it necessary in your situation to sit everyone down to brainstorm.  I'm not even sure that anyone can be as wonderful a mother as they'd like to be with so much on your plate!  It's certainly not small potatoes! HUGS :grouphug:!

[kroe1]

Big hugs from a fellow theater/dance mom. DH tells me sometimes when I am stressed to have DD "cut out" a couple of classes. He, like most, do not understand that it is an all or nothing deal. One cannot just cut back a little.

 

Nonetheless, sometimes we are so enmeshed in the chaos that no alternative seems possible. And you said you wouldn't take anyone's advice anyway. But, sometimes we all need to figure out just what are our most basic family needs.

 

1. Roof over the head. Yours requires some lawn maintenance or you lose it. The bad back can still do the edging and probably blowing. The two teens can do the lawn mower. A crappy job has to be redone before you can find your keys to drive anyone around. Our Florida 1/2 or 3/4 of an acre has a service which charges me $190 a month and my lawn looks like a magazine cover. If the other 3 family members will not mow the grass, then let them come up with the lawn company fees. Bad back is really going to be hurting from packing up and moving all of those boxes if you get thrown out.

 

2. One cannot call in sick because her teens need to be chauffeured around. You need a weekly schedule taped to the refrigerator. Everyone needs to figure out who is driving where long before the actual day rolls around. We use other kiddos who are in dance classes to drive our kiddo when we are both working. I give them $10 which is much cheaper than me missing work which is not an option with my job anyway. With the schedule you had today, I could not understand why your two teens could not have had the car after dropping you off at work first and then hubby picking you up. But, I am not sure I understood exactly who had to be where when.

 

3. Dance fees are atrocious, but I feel the studios earn every penny. I have never added up the costs as I am too scared. I would guess somewhere around $10,000 a year which would include even travel. We even had to break down and get the Dream Duffle and the traveling vanity which was about $900 this year. Those not into it, do not understand. So be it. I have no suggestions there.

 

4. For goodness sake, cannot someone in your family cook since you are doing all that driving. Your son should not be doing you a favor by getting his own dinner. He and your DD should be cooking everyone's dinner. Sunday afternoons let them cook for the week and freeze it all.

 

5. You mentioned one of your jobs is online. Think about getting a hotspot so you can do your job while you are waiting on the kiddos to get out of their activities. Several of my fellow dance moms sit out in the dance studio parking lot for hours each day making money by doing their online jobs. I sit out there, too, doing my work related education requirements. Multitasking is our friend.

 

6. If no one can fix those shoes, try some superglue and duct tape. It cannot be that hard to affix some taps to polyurethane or whatever you are using as a leather alternative. We duct taped a pair of my DD's taps during a show emergency one year. I think those taps are still holding.

 

7. Get one of your part time jobs at the dance studio if possible. That would solve a ton of logistic problems.

 

Big hugs. Do you have some other dance mom friends from whom you can get advice? I think I remember you changed studios so you may not know anyone yet.

[Cinder]

:grouphug:  I'm sorry things are so rough right now. :grouphug:

[Jenny in Florida]

Your daughter is old enough to drive, even if it's only on a moped.  I completely understand where you are coming from, and many of parents want to do all they can to help out their kids, but I honestly think that doing too much for them, when they CAN afford to do it for themselves, does them a disservice.  They probably won't like being asked to contribute, or come up with ideas, but I think I would find it necessary in your situation to sit everyone down to brainstorm.  I'm not even sure that anyone can be as wonderful a mother as they'd like to be with so much on your plate!  It's certainly not small potatoes! HUGS :grouphug:!

 

She doesn't have a driver's license. Nor do we own a third vehicle for her to use. (A moped would not get her to her primary job, because there literally is no route that does not involve a major highway.) Because she is not a licensed driver, we do not currently pay extra for her on our car insurance policy. Getting her to the point at which she could drive herself places would require:

 

- her learning to drive. (She's tried twice, but has anxiety issues that make it extremely challenging for her.)

- her taking money out of her nest egg account to purchase a vehicle that might not even be useful to get her to all of the places she needs to go.

- someone taking on the additional expense of insuring her.

 

Since she doesn't expect to be living here much more than another year, I hate the idea of her sinking money into a vehicle she will have no use for 13 months from now.

 

We've discussed a variety of options, but the only scenario I've yet to find that seems helpful at all is for her to get her license (which isn't a quick or easy thing, even on its own) and to have her pay for her own insurance or whatever the additional amount would be to add her to ours but not get her own vehicle. The idea would be that she could drop me at work on the days I'm at the store and then use the car to drive herself and possibly my son around on those two or three days.

 

There are multiple hiccups in this plan, however. The first is that my car is a manual transmission, which makes it even more challenging for her to drive. If we're going to stick with two vehicles, though, it's the only choice to make available to her, because my husband can't drive it, either. Second, we certainly cannot afford the extra car insurance. And it seems pretty unfair to require her to pay it under the circumstances. (She doesn't want to drive, likely won't need to in the long term, and will have access only to a vehicle she hates and finds difficult to manage and only on a very restricted schedule.)

 

And, frankly, having replaced a clutch about a year ago and knowing what that costs, I'm not convinced there's a lot of money to be saved having her drive my car for an extended period.

 

Again, to be fair to my family, I feel I have to emphasize they are not unwilling to pitch in. Each kid sought me out more than once yesterday and offered to help. There is just a very limited range of things either one can really do.

[Jenny in Florida]

1. Roof over the head. Yours requires some lawn maintenance or you lose it. The bad back can still do the edging and probably blowing. The two teens can do the lawn mower. A crappy job has to be redone before you can find your keys to drive anyone around. Our Florida 1/2 or 3/4 of an acre has a service which charges me $190 a month and my lawn looks like a magazine cover. If the other 3 family members will not mow the grass, then let them come up with the lawn company fees. Bad back is really going to be hurting from packing up and moving all of those boxes if you get thrown out.

 

I probably wasn't clear. My husband's bad back isn't of the typical "ouch" variety. He has a diagnosed chronic problem. (He was declared partially permanently disabled back in his 20s.) We're not talking about him being sore for a few days, but about him landing in the hospital or being unable to work if he overdoes it. He does push through when absolutely necessary, but it takes more and more out of him every time as he gets older.

 

Even his current work commute has aggravated his pain in ways that are affecting his quality of life. For many years, he didn't drive at all. Then, he did, but we made sure to live close enough to work that he never had to drive more than 15 minutes each way. We made the decision to move into this house in large part because we hoped being closer to downtown would cut down on my driving (ha!) and also put us within walking distance of weekend and evening activities in which he was not able to participate before because they required him getting in the car. He hoped that, because most of the commute would be a straight shot on the highway and he has a comfortable, easy-to-drive vehicle, it would be manageable for him. But he's really struggling and has begun getting depressed about how little he is able to do.

 

With that said, my son has already volunteered to help with the lawn today and tomorrow. We're just waiting for the rain to quit.

 

2. One cannot call in sick because her teens need to be chauffeured around. You need a weekly schedule taped to the refrigerator. Everyone needs to figure out who is driving where long before the actual day rolls around. We use other kiddos who are in dance classes to drive our kiddo when we are both working. I give them $10 which is much cheaper than me missing work which is not an option with my job anyway. With the schedule you had today, I could not understand why your two teens could not have had the car after dropping you off at work first and then hubby picking you up. But, I am not sure I understood exactly who had to be where when.

 

 

 

We keep an online calendar. We all have access, and we all post our work schedules, classes and commitments. In the case of yesterday, I had made arrangements with the dance school to drop my son early and pick him up late. (They usually put him to work assisting with classes for younger kids or doing assorted tasks around the studio.) And, if my husband had been able to be home at his usual time, he would have been available to drive my daughter to her evening meeting. I thought we had a plan, but a couple of last-minute curveballs brought down the house of cards.

 

My kids can't take the car because neither of them drives.

 

There are no other dance students who live in our area and have overlapping schedules. One of the teachers lives nearby and has offered to help out in an emergency. But we're not close, and I don't want to impose on her too often.

 

 

4. For goodness sake, cannot someone in your family cook since you are doing all that driving. Your son should not be doing you a favor by getting his own dinner. He and your DD should be cooking everyone's dinner. Sunday afternoons let them cook for the week and freeze it all.

 

My son has recently taken over cooking one night a week. My daughter often feeds herself, because she is on her own schedule. Again, it's not like they don't pitch in. My husband, especially by the time he survives his commute home, will generally go hungry rather than bother preparing food for himself, though. So, even on the nights I'm not home, I try to prepare something he can plate and eat with very minimal effort.

 

[Ooops, I lost my quote formatting. Well, soldiering on . . ]

 

5. You mentioned one of your jobs is online. Think about getting a hotspot so you can do your job while you are waiting on the kiddos to get out of their activities. Several of my fellow dance moms sit out in the dance studio parking lot for hours each day making money by doing their online jobs. I sit out there, too, doing my work related education requirements. Multitasking is our friend.

 

The reason I was sitting at Panera and left my phone is that I was making use of my laptop and their free Wi-Fi to get some work done. One of challenges, though, is that work isn't always available for me to do unless I sign up for the hours in advance. And the hours I have available while sitting around aren't always open for scheduling. I snag them when I can, and I sometimes get online and scrounge for extra work even when I'm not scheduled. But it's not quite that flexible.

6. If no one can fix those shoes, try some superglue and duct tape. It cannot be that hard to affix some taps to polyurethane or whatever you are using as a leather alternative. We duct taped a pair of my DD's taps during a show emergency one year. I think those taps are still holding.

 

The old shoes have already been superglued and Shoo-Goo'd back together multiple times. I've also taken them to two different shoe repair shops in town to try and get them re-soled and the taps re-attached, but they are simply too far gone. (And, because they weren't great quality shoes to begin with, they don't have the kind of structural integrity that allows for extensive re-working.)

 

The new shoes have a variety of design features that make them unsuitable for taps. (They are technically ballroom shoes, which we all thought would work until we saw them in person.) First, the soles are too thin, meaning the fasteners for the taps would go up into the footpad inside the shoes. This could be remedied by adding an additional layer and attaching the taps through both. But it requires an experienced shoe person to do the work.

 

Second, the toes of ballroom shoes are designed to curve upward slightly, but getting good tap sounds requires making sure the taps make full contact with the floor. Again, this could, in theory, be fixed if an experiences shoe repair person added some additional filler material at the tips to compensate.

 

But the biggest problem is that the shoes are too wide across the ball of the foot. This might not be a problem if my son didn't have giant feet. However, the combination of his big foot and the wide design of the shoe means that the largest taps Capezio makes don't properly cover the sole at the toe end of the shoes. Even if we had the extra layer of sole attached AND filler could be added to even out the sole, when all is said and done, there would be rubber edges of the sole left uncovered surrounding the front taps, meaning my son wouldn't be able to do things like wings properly.

 

The good news on that front is that it is possible a local store has a pair of "economy" model tap shoes (all man-made materials) in my son's size in stock and they have them on hold so he can go try them on today. They won't be any better than the ones he's recently killed, but at least they would be here and reasonably priced and would give him something to wear for a few months until we figure out what to try next.

 

I sent out e-mails to two more dance shoe suppliers/manufacturers last night, asking about custom making something for him. Eventually, one of these just has to bear fruit, right?

7. Get one of your part time jobs at the dance studio if possible. That would solve a ton of logistic problems.

 

My daughter beat me to it. She did an unpaid internship at a different dance studio last year and had agreed to transition to a paid job there this year. But then she was waiting I the lobby of my son's dance school one evening, and the owner approached and started chatting with her. Within an hour, they had offered her a job as a part-time desk/admin person and very part-time acting teacher. It is working out much better than having her at the other studio, since I can more effectively combine trips AND she's a lot happier here. But it does mean they don't need yet another member of our family as an employee.

 

 

[J-rap]

Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate! I'm sorry! These are a few thoughts, although you've probably thought about it all already-

 

Can you hire a high schooler in the neighborhood to do your lawn?

 

Can everyone in the family take a night of the week to make dinner? (Even hubby?) Could be just a good soup simmering in the slow cooker all day. Then on the other 3 nights it's frozen pizza, sandwiches, and eggs! Everyone clean the kitchen together every night.

 

I know how tricky the transportation bit can get. Is there any other method of transportation you could use? For example, could a taxi bring them just two miles to a place where buses run safely and more regularly, or to a coffeeshop where they could wait an hour until you're available to pick them up, or something like that? I know taxis are expensive but we've found that sometimes if we just use them for short trips they can be cost-effective. (A short trip in a taxi compared to you calling in sick or whatever.)

 

Can you talk to the dance studio about their increasing the prices AFTER you signed on? That happened once here, and those who had already signed were not asked to increase their payments until the following season.

 

I know what you mean about wanting to prepare your kids in every way you can before they go off on their own in the big world.

[saw]

I'm really sorry you're having a rough time. I know that feeling of wanting the last years at home to go well -- my dds are finishing secondary school this year, and will likely go away for a gap year or two. My ds is in his last year of junior school and will go away to senior school next year. I am doing everything I can to make this year a great year, but it's exhausting!

I wonder whether you could have your dd learn to drive and pay for the insurance etc now, out of her earnings/savings, and then next year, when your schedule is easier, help her out financially? It sounds like you'll be in a better spot financially next year, with more time available to work and less pressure from scheduling. I understand how important it is that your dd have a good financial start, but perhaps if you could redistribute the finances so that she pays now from savings and you reimburse her later, that might make it easier for you now. Anyway, just a thought.

I hope things improve. 

[Cinder]

I probably wasn't clear. My husband's bad back isn't of the typical "ouch" variety.

 

This is what I assumed when you mentioned bad back, probably because of my own experience. My dad has a "bad back." Actually he is permanently disabled from a work injury and lives with chronic pain. Sitting too long, driving--these things can put him out for a couple days afterward. To look at him you'd never guess he was disabled--he can walk fairly normally, just uses a cane for support. The only thing that has helped over time has been swimming--he tries to swim every day. He would *not* be able to handle lawnmowing; fortunately he lives in a condo.

 

  :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 

[LMA]

I'm sorry about everything happening at once. I don't understand why you are responsible for the lawn if you are renting. Around here, the landlord is responsible for the outside. My sister in law does all her maintenance inside and outside as a landlord.

[Cinder]

I don't understand why you are responsible for the lawn if you are renting. Around here, the landlord is responsible for the outside.

 

Depends on your lease. We've rented houses before and have always had to take care of the lawn ourselves--that's the way the lease was written.

[Harriet Vane]

I'm sorry about everything happening at once. I don't understand why you are responsible for the lawn if you are renting. Around here, the landlord is responsible for the outside. My sister in law does all her maintenance inside and outside as a landlord.

 

Totally depends on the lease. In my last rental, the landlord was responsible for the lawn. In my current rental, I am responsible for the lawn. I am also a landlord, and I require my current tenant to be responsible for the lawn.

[fairfarmhand]

I know you say that you son does a terrible job mowing....it takes time to learn how to do it correctly. So he will cut it, and you or dad or sis will take hime outside and show him where he missed spots. You have to train a kid to be able to mow well. Be patient with him and eventually, I bet he wil lget it.

[KungFuPanda]

Is there any way you can eventually transition to an apartment within walking distance of the dance studio? Your kids are big. Nobody needs the yard. Also, it might be time to get the non-vegan shoes. Maybe by the time he needs the NEXT pair your finances will be more stable. I'd also consider playing hardball with the dance studio. You signed your contracts BEFORE the price increase and it shouldn't effect you. I GET how important dance can be, but is it worth stressing the family out trying to buy the Premium Package that you can't afford? Be prepared to scale back. If your son is a superstar, they'll probably work with you to keep him in everything. If he's not, one or two classes and a thousand dollars you can't afford won't make a big difference in his level of dancing or his eventual career opportunities. I'm willing to bet that making that decision would be harder than living with it.

[Miss Mousie]

I wanted to address the vegan shoes that people seem to be picking on.  I understand that most of us would see that as an expense that we would forego; but it is clear that that is not the case for Jenny and her family. 

 

It seems that veganism is a value of primary importance to them, in the same way that, well, homeschooling is to many folks here.  How many homeschoolers on this board would do just about anything to be able to continue homeschooling?  Quite a few, I imagine.

 

Jenny doesn't need me to defend her, but I was feeling defensive on her behalf anyway.  :P  I hope I haven't made anything worse.

 

And Jenny, I hope some of these pressures on you are easing up a little.  {{Jenny}}

 

[Sisyphus]

I can't help with much else (and I know all too well the stress and squeeze of making the time requirements and financials of a kid in serious extracurriculars!) but the bum shoes- sell them! If they aren't going to work and are non returnable, it's worth it to search out dance or ballroom boards and try to sell them to the giant footed boy dancer every studio seems to have. Ours does, a tapper too, his mom spends serious $$$ on custom shoes. I am sure you could sell them and recoup at least some of the cost, it's worth trying anyway.