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Sisyphus

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Everything posted by Sisyphus

  1. Thanks all. I emailed my aunt, I am also far away and that sucks, to thank her for being there for my mom through all this.I should be there, I should be there...but I'm on an opposite coast. I hate it. I hate the stroke. I hate what my dad has become. I hate my mom being afraid and sad and alone. I hate evey last bit of it. It is so unfair. He isn't this person he has become. But the person he was is so gone, for so long, what do you do? I don't know. My mom doesmt know. But she needs to be happy and whole somewhere, I know that. It sucks. I hate it.
  2. So, that sucks. But using the "put on your oxygen mask first" mantra, I think I did the right thing. Dad had a stroke about 4 years ago. His personality totally changed, which sucks, and is not his fault. but, it's been 4 years, and all the kids, and my mom, have tried to get him to a psychiatrist to deal with the personality changes, and...nothing. He won't entertain it. He has become paranoid, mean (really difficult for me, as my dad was the most perfect example of a loving Christian man for so many years), just awful. It's hard to talk to him on the phone. My mom has begged him to go to counseling. I've tried to speak with his doctor, with no success, as have my siblings and mom. We are out of ideas. My mom has to deal with him every day, all day, and she just can't any more. I get it. I think she needs to go- if that won't wake him up to reality (they have been married almost 50 years) nothing will. But it's hard. He is simply not the same man, and it isn't his fault, but he won't allow any help to fix any of this. My mom really has to leave- she can't do this any more. She is depressed and he cuts her off from her only support, her sister- she needs to go. But I really, honestly, just told my mom to leave my dad. And they had such an amazing marriage and were such wonderful people, for my whole 42 years, it kills me. I am so sad about it all. It's so unfair.
  3. Yes, but only due to years, lol. I have a group of late elementary/jr high friends that after all these years (30 plus) it seems sacrilegious not to conti ue a friendship with. One was just here visiting with her family, our oldest kids are a week apart but can't stand each other other, go figure. A couple are really obnoxiously weird these days, a couple are just very different, a couple are people I'd pick as friends now. But, years count, you know? I make the effort to continue the friendship despite distance and lifestyle differences because of this very long shared history, and it's worth it. I may think they are ridiculous in their current incarnation (or they, me) but I knew them "when" and I'd do anything for them due to that, period full stop. At a certain age, I think shared history trumps compatibility, with friends and spouses.
  4. I'm not shocked Ds didn't do well, I was sort of surprised he was allowed/encouraged to take the test actually, but Ds and I are truly shocked at the other students scores. 1s for everyone? The score distribution (thank you! I didn't know that existed!) shows only 13% got 1s...so it seems really odd they all got 1s! That is what is surprising and the big bummer to Ds, that the entire group of test takers scored so low! Especially as most did well, according to the link. Ds is the outlier of this group- everyone else is a serious band/choir/music kid. Ds took it for fun (and it was fun, so goal met) but the rest of the class took it very, very seriously. Not that Ds wasn't serious- he did his best- but he wasn't the calibre of student the others were, certainly. That's what is so odd.
  5. Ds was sweating that part. He said if he got in there and it was heinous, he was just going to sing the "I have confidence" song from Sound of Music, lol. He learned all the words, apparently they have to listen to whatever you do on that part, even if it's clearly awful. But he said even that went well, so? I love that picture! I sent it to dh to forward to his buddies. As a hippy dippy homeschooler, I wholeheartedly believe that, let's hope the school does too and doesnt yank the class. Ds and his friends are all so dejected and feeling like they let the teacher down.
  6. So, Ds took ap music theory at the local ps. He adored the teacher- me, too. A really neat guy. A really neat class. Ds was probably the lowest level kid there, he took band in middle school but didn't really read music well or have any music background. He learned a ton, and loved the class. The teacher had them take several practice tests, and Ds scored consistently in the 3-4 range. The teacher doesn't have students he feels will score below 3 take the test- it ticks off the school to have low scores and music theory (and music/arts in general) is viewed as a waste in our very high performing area. Ds checked his scores yesterday, and with tears in his eyes told me he got a 1. Obviously, I was bummed, but he has bad test anxiety, and he loved the class, learned a ton, the score really doesn't matter to us, personally. Ds was worried about letting his beloved teacher down though! Today he talked to 3 other students in the class, one of which also had 3-4 scores in practice tests, two who have seriously studied music and always got 5s in practice. They also, all, received 1s! They are all devastated because they are worried now the music theory class will be canceled, and they have (in Ds words) "single handedly brought down the music theory program" by receiving such low scores. Texts were flying tonight, and it appears everyone who took it (only 7 or 8) all got...1. How can this be? Obviously, it is a teaching or test problem (not Ds test anxiety probably, if they all got 1s). Past years the average score has always been 4 for this class, the teacher spoke extensively how that fact is what kept the program afloat at the school. So this is a big departure from past years, but the teacher is the same, preparation the same... I just don't get it? Did the test radically change? Did anyone here have a kid take it and get something other than a 1, lol? I'm not overly fussed as it pertains to Ds, he is starting community college with plans to transfer to a 4 year later, scores on ap tests aren't a big thing to him- no plans for a competitive college, etc. I am worried for the program, as is Ds, and curious if the test changed a bunch or-something? Fwiw, Ds felt pretty confident, and the well performing students felt very confident. So the students themselves felt well prepared and the test didn't seem different/hard etc.
  7. Ds had to review fractions for the CC placement test recently- he used Khan academy. I don't know what specifically, but he said there is good fraction/mixed numbers/percents/decimal stuff there.
  8. Well. I kept taking my then 12 year old lab to the vet because she was acting "off", and I was afraid she had some terrible pain I couldn't see. She kept checking out fine, and at the third visit, the vet did a screening for dementia...and she hit all the points. Her weird panting, wandering, pacing, hiding, is apparently dementia. I will be honest, I still feel like something physical must be wrong, but it's been 2 years and she has blood work, etc done and checks out fine, even her teeth despite her awful dog breath. So, they are correct, this is dementia. Recently, she has been much worse. She apparently remembers she is scared of men, but forgot she has known dh for 11 plus years, and she barks at him and hides. She greets us (me, two kids) like she doesn't really know us- she appears to know she likes people, but she isnt 100 percent sure of US. It's very sad- she is timid, wants to please these strange people, isn't sure how to get outside, gets lost in the living room, hides in the bath tub (apparently a safe place), is very worried a majority of the time. She has a number of health problems she is medicated for, so I am loathe to give her what the vet termed "experimental" medicine for her dementia. But, she is a lab, and the last few weeks has been too stressed to eat sometimes. Eating is pretty much all a lab lives for... But she has wandered off pacing and hiding and forgotten or been too upset to eat. To me, as a quality of life issue, not eating is very bad. But she will eat, if encouraged, and she is in good health, otherwise. Just too upset/stressed/overcome by the dementia to eat. Am I deluding myself? I feel like we can work with all this (I am a pro at cleaning dog pee now) and she is generally healthy. But, her mental state is quite bad, and she seems pretty stressed, all the time...probably because she doesn't know any of us, suddenly. Or know anyone. Or where she is, really. I don't know what to do. I thought her health issues (advanced arthritis, a tumor in her rear end) would be her end, but not this. Anyone with a dog with dementia want to weigh in? Is she generally ok, or generally not? Is she miserable and scared, or just spaced out but happy? How do I know?! I love this dog with all my heart. I don't want to do wrong by her. I am so worried she is terrified and miserable all the time...but some days she seems happy and her old self. I've had no experience with dog mental issues before. Help.
  9. Please don't buy into the myth that rescues and shelters are full of of terrible, behavior problem dogs. This is NOT the case. Those dogs get put down normally, upon intake, because there are just so, so, so many dogs. because people erroneously believe a puppy is somehow immune to the problems bad breeding and bad training can cause in dogs...so more are bred, with more problems. Do problem dogs exist? Absolutely- and given the huge amount of dogs needing homes, I'm ok with a gentle, humane death for them. Comparatively speaking, those dogs are lucky. But shelters are full of wonderful dogs, given up by people who lose their house and the apartment doesn't take dogs, oops, we had puppies, I had a baby and can't have a dog now...so many reasons, most of them for nothing that is remotely the dogs fault. Like- I bought a purebred lab puppy for 800 bucks but it ate my deck (and I know squat about labs so this surprised me) and so off to the shelter it goes. These are not "bad" dogs. These are dogs with bad PEOPLE.
  10. I vote Lab, or lab mix. Their temperaments are almost universally good, especially with children. Not a puppy though- they are hell on wheels. Shelters are full of 2ish labs that their people got tired off because lab puppies just suck, but 2 is calming down nicely and you can swoop in and get a really great dog. Low grooming maintenance, we have never had ours groomed, we just bath her when she needs it, but the shedding does suck. They don't smell like some dogs get a "dog" smell, but they will swim, roll in dead stuff, etc if the opportunity presents itself. I do not think they are smart, myself, but they are people pleasers to the highest degree, so they are responsive- better than smart, IMO! need a lot of exercise but are fine with an apartment, no yard- ours has been hauled around Asia, huge cities. Even when we had a yard, labs don't like to be alone so it isn't like the dog will be hanging outside anyway. They want to be right with you. My siblings all have labs/lab mixes, we are all on our second dogs, and we all have done the 2 ish dog at the shelter thing. Hard to go wrong with a lab!
  11. I would like to say that I have learned a great deal from this conversation, so thank you all, from every viewpoint. The posters in border states and central America, those who are getting involved in this in their communities- it's important for me to hear from those points of view, rather than the polarized sound bites on the news. You WTMers are a good group. And please faith- run for something! Your ideas and your willingness to get involved are so refreshing, and I am glad you are you. I need to do less talking about problems and agonizing over things, and more doing!
  12. Yes, that! The "least of these" are here, and what will we do...stand outside their barbed wire enclosures with signs telling them to go home?
  13. I heard a blurb on NPR about our replacement rate, the birth rate for the millenials is dismal. From a practical standpoint, we actually need these kids! And from a humanitarian standpoint, we do too, IMO. It's probably melodramatic of me, but I feel like our country's soul is at stake here. Which way will we go?
  14. I am a bad, bad girl. Don't know nothin bout no needlepoint, or other forms of hooking actually, but yet I just HAD to open this. Duly chastised.
  15. I'd faint if dh ever mentioned my clothing, because I don't think I've ever heard him comment except positively- ever. He is either a genius or doesn't even notice...I still haven't decided which it is. So if he disliked a style, I wouldn't wear it probably, because if he noticed enough to comment, well, I'd want to respect that. Unless it was something like pants, or underwear...yeah, I'm still going to wear underwear dh, sorry buddy. I think they only look nice on bigger breasted gals with soft shoulders. I have no boobs at all, bony shoulders and visible collarbones and ribs. Not cute, and impossible to keep up anyway. But if someone bony and old (ie, me) wants to wear one, I don't care. I just don't think it looks nice is all. I'm sitting here in a bleach stained t shirt from 2006 (it has a date on it) and ratty denim shorts though, so I'm not really one to judge!
  16. Of course there has to be a process- there is just no way to know which kid was sent by a desperate grandmother who paid thousands to a coyote, and which kid was an orphan grabbed for organ harvesting and escaped in Mexico. Some will qualify for asylum, some may even be us citizens born here and taken back, most will need medical care. That all takes time. You can't just put them on planes and send them back to wherever, they are children. I don't really understand how this has become a political problem (and I'm not asking, board rules and all). It's big, messy problem with no clear way to solve involving unstable governments, human rights, crime, so many things. It's going to take time to solve it or even move towards solving it, and that can't really be pinned on any law/administration here in the us. I do hope we help these kids, personally I don't see why we cannot. If any country can, it'd be the one with the most money and resources...aka, us. I was pleasantly surprised to see the Glenn Beck organization info on this thread, I hope more organizations will step up. Surely if anyone can solve this, it's us, if we can just stop pointing fingers at each other and actually do it.
  17. I've slept the majority of nights for the past 40 (ahem...plus) years with a dog, cat or both in bed. It's actually hard for me to sleep without a cat, lol, I had a terrible time the first two years in the army due to that! Our lab is now 13 and can no longer get up the stairs in the last year or so, but prior to that she would sleep in our bed first- dh goes to bed early. Then when I got up she would move to youngests bed until he got up, he is the latest sleeper of us all. I have so many cute pictures of tiny boy and huge lab over the years becoming big boy and old lab! Still in the twin bed, too. Health reasons? What kind, I have never heard of that! Our dogs and cats are mostly indoor in their lives, by virtue of living long stretches in big Asian cities in apartments. No one is rolling in manure daily, that is for sure. We are suburban us now, and the cat and dog go out a bit, like an hour a day in 5 minute chunks, and come right back in, unless we are outside too. Pets want to be with you, they are pack animals (well, dogs are) and the family is the pack. It's sad to keep them isolated from the family, IMO. If I had a ranch and multiple dogs I can see keeping dogs sheltered together but not imdoor, but otherwise- they are right where we are, including bed.
  18. I can't do a huggy guy picture, so imagine one! Hopefully with an iv and some antibiotics, he is better already.
  19. Sisyphus

    nm

    Sissifus!!! I love it.
  20. Those were pretty much all the requirements my nephew had for a job, he did a 2 year paramedic course and works for the fire dept. I don't know a great deal about it, but he is very happy, he isn't cut out for an office type job or years of schooling, he very much wants to help people. He supports his family of 4 nicely in the Midwest on his salary- they aren't rich by any means, but getting by, and he has good health insurance and a good union. He is slowly amassing schooling to be a PA, mostly because he find being a paramedic very physically taxing and worries he won't be able to do it into his 40s. So that is something to think about, I guess. He is in his mid 30s, in great shape, but I guess it must be so physically demanding as to cause him to consider this.
  21. Sisyphus

    nm

    I would roll my eyes, not that you can see me, but not be offended per se. Their is a place for proper grammar, and the Internet ain't usually it. (are you twitchy now? I'm so mean...)
  22. A psychologist once said that very thing about my (sort of oddball, some diagnoses) son. When he has had enough people/interaction, he politely excuses himself to his room. He naps if he is tired. He tells you he has had too much social interaction for the day. It was an interesting choice of words then, but fitting, Ds is different than other kids, but he has excellent self care skills- he knows his limits and can advocate for himself when they are reached. This psychologist really changed our outlook from "fixing" Ds to accepting Ds as he is, because really, he is fine as he is, even if he isn't like everyone else. I have terrible self care skills, myself- I get burned out and frazzled and can't say no and burn the candle at both ends.
  23. I was in Maine yesterday, so cool and nice! Now I'm back in sucky DC where it is 147. Boo. I'm a Washington native, heat kills me.
  24. Well, those darn ellipsis are hard...you know...to use...like...correctly.
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