misidawnrn Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Can't vent on FB so I will vent here and see what you ladies (and gents) think. My son is getting married tomorrow and I wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner. I have no clue why. I get along with DIL2B well. I do not offer advice or meddle. I paid for the wedding venue and both the outfits for the flower girls (my granddaughters). I would have paid for the rehearsal dinner as well....had I been invited. I asked her about it once and got a "uhhhhhhhhhh, not sure on the day yet". I told her to please let me know when it was, if I was invited (I made sure I put that in there), so I can make sure I have the day off. Never heard another word about it. I asked my son when it was and he said "Brittney is taking care of all of that...I just have to show up." I am just sitting here, the night before the wedding with hurt feelers I guess. I will get over it but it just seems odd to be left out. What say the hive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Wow. I am trying to think of why something like this would happen. I am not terribly familiar with rehearsal dinners since every wedding is so different...but did they want to limit it to best men and bridesmaids? Has the mother of the bride been invited or not? If she has not been invited either, then there is definitely some other reason and you need not feel left out. I am hoping it's something like that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Wow. Your son is getting married and you aren't invited to the rehearsal dinner? That's a wtf to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I have never ever heard of a rehearsal dinner before. :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlbuchina Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Goodness. I've never heard of a the parents of the couple getting married not being invited to the rehearsal dinner. I thought the dinner was for everyone involved in the rehearsal. Where you not there for that, either? :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I'd be hurt and upset too and I am not a sensitive cookie. I think not inviting close family to a rehearsal dinner is strange at very best. I hope the wedding goes well and that you have a great time tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 First, you were the one who traditionally would host the rehearsal dinner. I have never heard of a bride hosting this ever. That was your job to completely plan, and pay for this shindig. And you were not responsible for the wedding venue costs either. That was the bride's family to pay for. I feel sorry for you. Vent away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 ridiculous. rude. Gosh, does ANYONE follow proper etiquette anymore or is it just a free for all? Etiquette is designed so that this kind of thing doesn't happen... so that people are not left out and hurt. I know lots of people think, "Screw that, I want freedom. I want to do whatever I want, whatever makes ME happy." But life isn't all about ME, ME, ME. No man is an island and following these "arbitrary" rules for how to treat one another in social situations is one thing that separates us from animals. I am angry FOR you. I am sorry his happened to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MollyAnn Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Could the "uhhhhhhhhhh, not sure on the day yet" have been her response because she had assumed you were taking care of the dinner and was startled when it seemed like you weren't? I agree with there being etiquette rules for a reason. I also think that the bride, groom, and both sets of parents need to sit down and discuss who is taking care of what so things like this don't happen. If there was a family rehearsal dinner and you were left out you have every right to be upset and vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Agreeing that it is traditional for the groom's parents to host the rehearsal dinner--i forgot about that in my response above. Not everyone does it that way, of course.I guess it just speaks to the need to communicate very clearly and promptly re weddings. Sorry your feelings are hurt. If I was the bold sort, I might go to the bride and say something like, I am so sorry. Your wedding planning seemed a little untraditional, so I didn't even think you might want to go the traditional route and have me plan and host the rehearsal dinner. Were you waiting on me to do that? I completely missed my cue. I hope I didn't let you down or offend you. IDK--when it comes to family, I am apt to think I missed something if someone is chilly or rude. That may not apply at all in your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Is there any chance there could be a miscommunication? Are you sure there is a dinner? Are you sure that you aren't invited? I wouldn't think she's being rude, just perhaps that she's a bit clueless on the whole thing. Whatever the case, I hope it doesn't take any of the joy away from you for tomorrow's celebration. (((Hugs))) to you (can't get my smilies link to open up). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 It is common for the Groom's family to be in charge of the rehearsal dinner. I didn't even send out invitations for my son's, I just let the bride know that everyone coming to the rehearsal was invited to the dinner. It was a very low key wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I can't believe your son isn't communicating with you on this! I would be really hurt and upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 My guess is that you have offended her in some way. As others have suggested, maybe it's because traditionally (well, depending on local custom and the preferences of the couple) the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner. In my experience brides-to-be can be easily offended. It's an emotional time and people don't always think rationally. I know you didn't ask for advice and today is the wedding but based on my own family history of poor communication, hurt feelings, assumptions on both sides... I would advise you when you have some time to talk to the bride alone, clear the air with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I'm sorry you are hurt. I would be too. Hope you figure it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriede Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Could the "uhhhhhhhhhh, not sure on the day yet" have been her response because she had assumed you were taking care of the dinner and was startled when it seemed like you weren't? I agree with there being etiquette rules for a reason. I also think that the bride, groom, and both sets of parents need to sit down and discuss who is taking care of what so things like this don't happen. If there was a family rehearsal dinner and you were left out you have every right to be upset and vent. It would be up to the bride (or main wedding planner) to schedule the rehearsal itself, then the rehearsal dinner would be after. So, the OP asking for a date is appropriate. To OP, I'm so sorry. I have no clue how this could have happened unintentionally. I'd try to push your feelings aside for the next 24 hours and enjoy your son's wedding day! There's plenty of time to hash this out later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 WOW. I don't care if the bride was mad about something. It is just toddler behavior to snub your future MIL from the rehearsal dinner. I hope that doesn't reflect how their marriage is going to operate. I think you have every right to be hurt and confused. Hope you end up with a reasonable explanation. (Hugs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Wow, you are the mother of the groom and you aren't invited to the rehearsal dinner? I'm... lost. That doesn't make any sense. Its the grooms family that hosts the rehearsal dinner, and it sounds like you have gone above and beyond the normal "rules" of weddings by helping to fund the actual wedding (something that is USUALLY the brides familys responsibility) I would be hurt and offended, but if it was me I definitely would have said something to my son about it before the night of the dinner. If he couldn't get to the bottom of it I would have come straight out and asked DIL2B. I can tell you aren't the type of MIL to meddle and nag, or you would have raised HECK over not being invitied. Stand up for yourself though. Your money was good enough for her to use! I'm sorry :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 dp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misidawnrn Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks everyone. I was not told when/where to show up to the rehearsal and yes, there was one according to facebook. I know the groom's parents pay for it and I was willing to do that...had I been involved. The only thing I know about what to do at the wedding is I am being escorted in with her 2 moms. My son's dad is not in the picture (teen single mom). I will joyfully go to the wedding and sweep it under the carpet, so to speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Traditionally the parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and therefore are the "hosts" of it, even, and they are the ones who get to decide who comes! That being said, so many traditions are changing, and lots of things are done not based on any etiquette rules but on a whole variety of things. Maybe they were having this be more of a pre-wedding party for young people. It sounds like you have a kind of relationship with your son that doesn't always include a lot of communication. I'm sorry about that! There might be a lot of different things involved that we do not have an understanding about here on this board, so it's hard to reply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Gosh, does ANYONE follow proper etiquette anymore or is it just a free for all? I'm not even sure what to say, because I can't tell you how many times I've quoted Miss Manners on this forum (and others) and been beaten down. :-/ Etiquette is designed so that this kind of thing doesn't happen... so that people are not left out and hurt. I know lots of people think, "Screw that, I want freedom. I want to do whatever I want, whatever makes ME happy." But life isn't all about ME, ME, ME. No man is an island and following these "arbitrary" rules for how to treat one another in social situations is one thing that separates us from animals. ITA with you, except that etiquette isn't "designed;" it happens over time because of the way a culture actually does things, KWIM? But yes, it is defines how people should behave in almost any circumstance. One of the things I like most about Miss Manners is that as you read through her books, giggling at some of the responses, because she's very funny, looking for the answer to which side of the plate the napkin goes on, or how to properly word an invitation, or even who pays for what at a wedding, you sort of develop an understanding of what proper behavior is, so that even in situations where you don't know the rule is, you can still behave properly. I am angry FOR you. AS AM I!!! ARGH!!!! I am sorry his happened to you. As am I. :-( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 That is odd and I'm hurt for you!!!! ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 The thing is...it's not just about paying for it. The bride may have felt awkward with you asking about her plans and even wondering if you were invited, because technically, you should have been the one planning it altogether. So she may have thought your inquiry (where you said "if I am invited, let me know so I can get off work") was your way of letting her know you weren't planning to take care of the dinner. Is it possible that was her interpretation? And then maybe she felt weird "inviting" you to what should have been your own party to host? Of course, she could have handled it maturely, but if you have a good relationship otherwise, I would give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. As for the rehearsal itself, the blame for that one lies squarely with your son. He should have been responsible for telling you when/where you needed to come. In fact, it could be that DIL was expecting you to be at the rehearsal and follow to the dinner. Are you sure there were actual "invitations" sent out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Oh, wow. So sorry that happened. I agree with the PP's that maybe the brides hurt or (too easily) offended at your question about when it was. She should never have snubbed you. It's my underatanding that the rehearsal dinner is, in part, for everyone in the wedding and both families to get to know each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I understand that this was non-traditional -- but I really REALLY think you need to choose to believe it was not a 'snub'. This is a wedding. People get stressed. Mistakes get made. You still need to love this girl for the rest of your days, and you can't -- you just CAN'T let this be your view on your son's wedding day. It's not fair, but for your own good you need to give yourself a hard shake and choose to believe the best. Here's a plausibility you might be able to believe in: Bride had no intention of doing a "real dinner" around the rehearsal. She has a lot on her plate, and just thought if it as an unnessisary formality. She just had a rehearsal with all *critical* persons, then treated them to an informal meal. Perhaps it was 'young people only' and was intended to stand as sort of a joint bachelor/ette party... And just got called 'rehearsal dinner' unthinkingly. It was also thoughtless not to tell others that there wasn't going to be a 'regular' reharesal dinner -- but I can see why someone might not want to do a 'just in case if expectations, we're not having xyz event.' But whatever plausibility of 'positive intent' plus 'whoops that was thoughtless' that you can come up with -- you NEED it! Badly! And soon! Don't let your attitude towards her start on this foot. If you do, you will absolutely regret it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Did you talk to your son about this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Talk later. Just try to get your mind around enjoying the wedding today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 First, I agree with others that they may have thought you knew about the rehearsal dinner. Heck, it's possible they may be upset with you for not coming. For now, I would ignore all that and have a good time at the wedding and let them go on their honeymoon and come home for a week or two. Then I'd make a lunch date with my SON and ask him about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 The only time I could imagine not having a parent of the groom at the rehearsal dinner is 1) if they were divorced and not getting along or 2) were a serious alcoholic or trouble maker. It doesn't sound this this applies in your situation. The only other thing would be if you don't get along with the bride's parents or the bride's friends. The most difficult thing will be at the reception when people ask you how the rehearsal dinner was or why weren't you there. I'm afraid I might break down if someone asked me. Keep your chin up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks everyone. I was not told when/where to show up to the rehearsal and yes, there was one according to facebook. I know the groom's parents pay for it and I was willing to do that...had I been involved. The only thing I know about what to do at the wedding is I am being escorted in with her 2 moms. My son's dad is not in the picture (teen single mom). I will joyfully go to the wedding and sweep it under the carpet, so to speak. The bride could just be clueless, OR she is determined to make her wedding non-traditional in every way, or she took your questions as a sign that you weren't terribly interested in the rehearsal and had no intention of planning or hosting it. She might have been taken aback that you didn't request that day off when you took off for the wedding day. After your conversation she might have scrambled to plan a dinner that she didn't realize was her responsibility. Not inviting you could be her gracious way of letting you off the hook. MILs can be intimidating to young brides. She may have slipped up because she was trying to avoid any conflict or drama on the eve of her wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 The bride has 2 mothers! One of them should have had a clue enough to know you were supposed to be there! When you all met and started dividing up who was paying for what did they say they wanted to do the rehersal dinner because you were paying for the venue? If I was you I'd be pissed at my son for not taking care of making sure you had the info and that of course you were invited, because he certainly should have known better as well. As for the dil and her family, I'd be worried from day one about how either they relationship is going to go from day one, or be worried that they are just so socially clueless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 The thing is...it's not just about paying for it. The bride may have felt awkward with you asking about her plans and even wondering if you were invited, because technically, you should have been the one planning it altogether. So she may have thought your inquiry (where you said "if I am invited, let me know so I can get off work") was your way of letting her know you weren't planning to take care of the dinner. Is it possible that was her interpretation? And then maybe she felt weird "inviting" you to what should have been your own party to host? Of course, she could have handled it maturely, but if you have a good relationship otherwise, I would give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. As for the rehearsal itself, the blame for that one lies squarely with your son. He should have been responsible for telling you when/where you needed to come. In fact, it could be that DIL was expecting you to be at the rehearsal and follow to the dinner. Are you sure there were actual "invitations" sent out? YES!!!! There were NO invitations to ours. We just assumed everyone involved in the wedding party was coming. it was just assumed it was afterward, but once again, my in-laws planned the whole entire thing. I would have found it VERY VERY strange for my mother in law to have said, "Let me know when it is..." That is just such a strange question in my world. YOU are supposed to reserve, plan, etc. I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Now then, that would be MY point of view if I were the bride. Traditions may be different where you are. But if the bride thought the traditions were like what I would assume, then I could see her confusion... I think there was probably a huge miscommunication. I agree! I think you implied you were not hosting the dinner when you inquired about being invited. Did you go to rehearsal? I have been in several weddings where the dinner's time and location is announced at this time, and everyone just proceeds from the rehearsal to the dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 :grouphug: The only reason I could see not being invited to a rehearsal dinner is if they wanted it to be a rehearsal party instead and NO parents were allowed. Still there could be a dinner, shoo away the "adults" and go off to their own party later. I would be hurt, but then again I'm pretty blunt and would have asked not if I was invited, but what time the rehearsal was and where we were going afterward. I don't believe formal etiquette needs to follow every wedding - heck, we did ours backward, my parents paid for the rehearsal and dh's mother hosted the reception at her house. I do believe good communication is vital and sounds like someone dropped the ball or doesn't have the, um, gumption to tell you the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
songsparrow Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I think there was a miscommunication on the part of everyone involved here (assuming there is no further evidence of the OP being snubbed or treated badly by her new DIL). Hugs to OP, and I hope you can put this behind you. I just want to mention that while it is certainly customary for the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner (and, sometimes, alcohol at the wedding), and for the bride's family to pay for the remainder of the festivities - it is by no means obligatory for them to do so. And customs are certainly changing. It would be rude and presumptuous of the bride and groom to assume that anyone - including their parents - are obligated to pay for any portion of their wedding festivities. It is a wonderful gift if they do so. It is certainly best for everyone if everyone states clearly in advance what they are willing to do, and how much they are willing to pay. I am embarrassed to think back to my wedding when I told my fiancee that his parents should pay for the rehearsal dinner and alcohol for the wedding. Being young and naive, I had always heard of it being done that way, and assumed that was proper. Luckily for me, my parents-in-law-to-be were gracious and did pay for those things and did not correct the rudeness of my assumptions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I just want to mention that while it is certainly customary for the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner (and, sometimes, alcohol at the wedding), and for the bride's family to pay for the remainder of the festivities - it is by no means obligatory for them to do so. And customs are certainly changing. It would be rude and presumptuous of the bride and groom to assume that anyone - including their parents - are obligated to pay for any portion of their wedding festivities. It is a wonderful gift if they do so. It is certainly best for everyone if everyone states clearly in advance what they are willing to do, and how much they are willing to pay. This is true. Etiquette is not necessarily about following rules such as "who pays for what" but making sure everyone is comfortable and knows their own role. That's what broke down here, apparently. My husband and I paid for our own wedding, except for the cake (my mom bought it) and "rehearsal dinner" (husband's parents hosted). It's in quotes because we didn't have a rehearsal, but my in-laws are very traditional and wanted to host a dinner for our families. (The wedding party was pretty much all family.) I'm sure they were scandalized by many aspects of our wedding (no sit-down meal, no band but just a single pianist) but they were gracious and knew it was none of their concern anyway. (ETA: as I'm reading this thread and remembering, no, they weren't really all that gracious, at least my MIL, who made her displeasure known to me in her typical passive-aggressive way. I had just forgotten till this thread made me think back...) I suppose it was easier when everyone knew and followed strict rules so everyone knew what was expected of them. On the other hand, I preferred not to burden my widowed mother with paying for my wedding. I hope, OP, you have a lovely time at the wedding, that nothing is awkward, and that after the honeymoom you and the bride can go out to lunch and have a nice chat and get everything cleared up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Just wanted to add, the rehearsal dinner usually follows the rehearsal, in which everyone involved in the wedding is supposed to attend. For any and every wedding I've been to/in, they have had both sets of parents attend BOTH because of their roles in the wedding. Example: Mothers being escorted to their seats, fathers giving the bride away, etc. ETA: I also agree with all of the advice about not bringing it up until after the wedding. There is nothing that can be done about it now. So just enjoy your sons wedding and worry about it after :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 It seems so odd to me that there are no communication lines between you and your son (at least). This is what I'd be hurt about, not the lack of the invitation. I'm sorry, OP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 My guess would be that the bride-to-be was taken aback when asked about when the rehearsal dinner would be, since she probably assumed, as is fairly customary, that the groom's family would be planning (and paying for) that event. She probably felt awkward about it after that, and yes, probably a little put out at having to unexpectedly do the planning & budgeting for the rehearsal dinner as well as the wedding. I would, at a later date (but asap) apologize for the misunderstanding. I would not feel snubbed, though I would feel apologetic and eager to clear up any miscommunication with my new dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 My guess would be that the bride-to-be was taken aback when asked about when the rehearsal dinner would be, since she probably assumed, as is fairly customary, that the groom's family would be planning (and paying for) that event. She probably felt awkward about it after that, and yes, probably a little put out at having to unexpectedly do the planning & budgeting for the rehearsal dinner as well as the wedding. I would, at a later date (but asap) apologize for the misunderstanding. I would not feel snubbed, I would feel apologetic and eager to clear up any miscommunication with my new dd. Mmm ... I wouldn't feel this way in this case. I think this wedding is already less than traditional. The MOG is already paying for the wedding venue, and the bride has 2 mothers. In this day and age, I don't think any assumptions are safe. The groom should have taken the initiative to ask if mom wanted to be involved in the rehearsal dinner when she asked him about it instead of just shrugging and saying bride is in charge. The couple sounds young and immature to me. If parents weren't involved in the rehearsal, son should have called up mom and said "we're just doing a few young friends for rehearsal". To have the mom ask about it twice and get no response is just beyond rude IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Mmm ... I wouldn't feel this way in this case. I think this wedding is already less than traditional. The MOG is already paying for the wedding venue, and the bride has 2 mothers. In this day and age, I don't think any assumptions are safe. The groom should have taken the initiative to ask if mom wanted to be involved in the rehearsal dinner when she asked him about it instead of just shrugging and saying bride is in charge. The couple sounds young and immature to me. If parents weren't involved in the rehearsal, son should have called up mom and said "we're just doing a few young friends for rehearsal". To have the mom ask about it twice and get no response is just beyond rude IMO. I agree with this. Son really dropped the ball here. I hope you can put this aside and enjoy the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 It sounds like a case of miscommunication and differing expectations from everyone involved. I don't know what you, the couple, and her parents discussed about who would be responsible for what. Maybe that conversation never happened and that's the problem? I hope you can focus on enjoying the big day but would want to clear up any misunderstandings sometime afterward to make sure any hurt feelings on both sides could be dealt with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 It sounds like a case of miscommunication and differing expectations from everyone involved. I don't know what you, the couple, and her parents discussed about who would be responsible for what. Maybe that conversation never happened and that's the problem? I hope you can focus on enjoying the big day but would want to clear up any misunderstandings sometime afterward to make sure any hurt feelings on both sides could be dealt with. Yup. Sounds like that nothing was following traditional roles so no one communicated formally about who was covering what. I hope you were able to enjoy the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I'm sorry. I think it's very odd the mother of the groom wouldn't be invited to the rehearsal dinner. unless she's taking a very NARROW view of wedding party. e.g. bride, groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen and about no one else. were your flower girl granddaughters invited? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I had no idea the groom's parents are expected to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner. This just further cements my resolve to whisper "elope, elope, elope, elope, elope, elope" into my son's and any future dil's ears every chance I get. Weddings have become money-sucks, rude-fests and too much ado about nothing, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I had no idea the groom's parents are expected to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner. This just further cements my resolve to whisper "elope, elope, elope, elope, elope, elope" into my son's and any future dil's ears every chance I get. Weddings have become money-sucks, rude-fests and too much ado about nothing, IMO. So true! It seems most people spend more time planning the wedding than planning their marriage/life together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I had no idea the groom's parents are expected to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner. Yes, it has become customary, although a rehearsal dinner is optional, and really, it isn't supposed to be a big thing, just some light refreshments after the rehearsal (hence the name "rehearsal" dinner, lol). In many communities, it morphed into having as much importance as the wedding itself, with written invitations and everything. o_0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Wow, Have you spoke directly to ds and asked him what time rehearsal dinner would be. Maybe ds and bride to be both assumed the other told you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 That is so sad. :( I hope you were able to have a wonderful day today!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Yes. I am also so tired of hearing the word venue, in regard to where the reception will be held. My nephew paid several thousand dollars for just his "venue", when they really didn't have the money. Then he bought her a nice home. The girl has gone nuts decorating it, and he doen't have the guts to slow her down. Recently he learned he'll be jobless in 6 months. Just curious; what's wrong with the word venue? I guess the wedding industry has gotten bigger, and some people want huge splashy weddings, but my recent experience has been very much the opposite - I know several couples getting married this year who place much more emphasis on the marriage than on the wedding. Doesn't mean they're not having a nice celebration, though - just not overly extravagant compared to their usual style of living and financial status. More and more people I know, even young ones getting married for the first time, are paying for their own wedding, or part, rather than having parents pay. But there's no evidence from the OP that this is the problem with her son's wedding anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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