swellmomma Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I am glad he got to see his birthmom for who she really is. Now more holding her up on a pedestal thinking she is better or whatever. She showed her true colors to him and it didn't come from you saying it, he needed to see that for himself. I hope things go well at the new school tomorrow and think a trip to see him for his birthday would be wonderful. He may not be willing or able to be home right now, but 16 is a big year and he needs to have you there celebrating with him and showing through your actions yet again that you are there for him kwim, it gives that concrete reminder of the difference between you and birth mom. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 If you can do a trip on his birthday, I think that would really good. Hopefully, he is able to accept the stability at your niece's until then. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Such a painful lesson for him, but a good one. He needed to see that for himself. I hope school goes decently, and I hope that if you do go visit it goes well. :grouphug: Keep hanging in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Agreeing with others--he did need to see for himself. What a blessing that your niece is able to provide a safe place for him. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 :grouphug: I haven't been on the boards much in the past month, but thank you for posting updates, Rose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Wow. I feel like you must have heard one huge sigh of relief when you posted the news that he's living at your niece's house now. That was everyone on this thread being relieved he's in a safe place. (((HUGS))) Rose you are amazing. You are parenting a hurt child with love, patience, and compassion. 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Wow. I feel like you must have heard one huge sigh of relief when you posted the news that he's living at your niece's house now. That was everyone on this thread being relieved he's in a safe place. (((HUGS))) Rose you are amazing. You are parenting a hurt child with love, patience, and compassion. Yes, this. Another sigh of relief here. Hugs, Rose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 It's sad that he had to learn that lesson the hard way, but at least he can no longer entertain idealistic fantasies about how wonderful and perfect his birth family must be. Glad to hear he's settling in at your niece's. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest StephenH Posted September 24, 2013 Share Posted September 24, 2013 I am glad to see that he learned his lesson. I am also glad he found a safe home to live at for now. I think this will be a positive chapter in his life for him if it goes well. Granted this is not the ideal ending you hoped for (as in back at home with you), I think it is a far better one than if he stayed with his birth mother. It sounds like the Niece will help him through this situation and accept him into her home. Basically, internet contact and reunions before the child is 18, cause the mask to fall off birth family and the child sees first hand who they really are and the adopted child has to accept reality. There is really no fantasy anymore. If the birth parents are not nice people, or are into drugs, or were physically or mental unable to raise a child, the adopted child ends up seeing first hand. Adopted children now have to know and be told the truth about who their birth family really are, including the difficult situations they may face at a much younger age than before. In the old days before social media, the social workers could tell a young child something like "I am sorry you cannot stay with your birth mother, but she was a very nice person", when in reality this is a way to delay the difficult truth to the child becomes an adult. Now, Facebook changes that because a child can search at a much younger age, and not being told the truth gives the child a false sense of security. Children today will have to know the truth starting from a much age, even if it is tragic due to Facebook. The other important lesson for other parents out there who have adopted children, is to not assume contact pre-18 is impossible and to prepare the child to handle it before it happens, especially in this age of technology. It may be safer if a child wants to visit a birth parent to do something like set up dinner in a resturant or meet in a coffee shop, where the adoptive parents supervise him/her during the meeting with a birth relative and make sure the child comes home after the visit. Try to get a sense of who the birth parent actually is, and what the situation they are in is before letting the adopted child travel away to their house. Adopted children also need to know what recourse methods they have if birth family contact online becomes unwanted or dangerous as well such as blocking it, changing phone numbers or e-mail addresses, moving, or restraining orders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savmom Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Thinking of you Rose & praying for you to be surrounded by God's love & peace :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Thinking of you Rose. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Any updates? Hoping things are working out for you guys. You're a brave, awesome mama!! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Everyone is liking you good thoughts and prayers. I'm bumping so you can see. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 {{hugs to everyone}} What an awful situation. His birthmom damaged him *again*. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I was so happy to read your last update. Any new update? :grouphug: :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Yes Rose, I always think of Sunday afternoons as time to check for your updates. Hope all is well ad that you have found some personal stress-free time this past week. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted October 14, 2013 Author Share Posted October 14, 2013 Here's a brief update. He's still with my niece and her family and things are going quite well. She's managed to get him to a dr and a councillor (once) which we couldn't do. He is going to school. His anxiety levels are much higher since being with birth mom. Dr would like to treat this medically. Not sure how that will work (if he'd even take medication). I have limited conversations with him by his choice but because he's with family I'm not nervous about that. I don't know how long this will last but we take one day at a time. I did ask my brother, a social worker, if this possibly could work our for the longer run. He said its possible because he saw the worst at his birth mother's. So that's what's new this week. 37 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 :grouphug: I'm continuing to pray for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 I'm glad to hear that he is in the same place still. A much safer place (IMVHO) than birthmom's house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 :grouphug: I think it's great that your niece is helping out. Thanks for the update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OK Family Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 :grouphug: I think it's great that your niece is helping out. Thanks for the update. Yes I am glad to hear . Thanks for the update. Still keeping you guys in prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Thanks for the update. Still keeping your family in my thoughts. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 :grouphug: Glad to hear things are stable. Thanks for sharing the update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Poor kid, I'm glad he is safe with people who care about his well being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Just wondering if you've heard anything else from him in the last few weeks. I hope things are continuing to improve with him. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love_reading Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Rose: I don't know how to praise you. I am reading all your posts today and was surprise how well you have taken care off. I mean, you have under going this big change from so many days. I really hope the very very best turns to you and your loving son. I am sure he would be back to his mama soon. A big teddy hug to you :grouphug: ..I will definitely pray for you and your family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Any updates, Rose? Thinking of you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Rose, hoping that things are going well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 Praying for a loving and peaceful holiday season for you, Rose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Thanks for checking in with me. My boy is still with my niece. Yay! My niece has gotten him to a dr, councillor and dentist in the month he's lived with her. We've had practically no contact with him this month (his choice) but my niece connects with me several times a week. Councillor he saw said he has some significant issues to work on. Hopefully he'll got again. My niece is concerned about ds and pot use. I guess his time with birthmother has led to a desire to use. It makes me very sad. She and her husband have some ideas to work through this. And hopefully councillor can address this. Two weeks ago he was suspended from school for one day. He and some classmates left school ground to smoke some weed. A bike patrol police officer drove by, told the kids to get rid of the weed and head back to class. What does my kid do? Argues with cop. So he cuffed him and took his name. The cop then tells my son "oh, I know your mom". My boy is living in a city of 100,000 people, 1500 km's away from us and he runs into a police officer who knows me. Well I hope my boy has learned how small the world is. Officer just took him back to school. He turns 16 next week. We sent a gift. We are planning a family trip to visit at Christmas. I did have one phone conversation with him last Saturday. It was so pleasant. He commented about missing my cooking. He even told me he loved me. We talked about half an hour and I knew in the back of my mind I should hang up while things were good. Must I didn't. And some how (typical RAD) it spiraled downhill quickly. It ended with him telling me how terrible we were as parents. So I'm happy he's with my niece. She is trying to guide him. He seems somewhat responsive. 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 I did have one phone conversation with him last Saturday. It was so pleasant. He commented about missing my cooking. He even told me he loved me. We talked about half an hour and I knew in the back of my mind I should hang up while things were good. Must I didn't. And some how (typical RAD) it spiraled downhill quickly. It ended with him telling me how terrible we were as parents. So I'm happy he's with my niece. She is trying to guide him. He seems somewhat responsive. Rose, you have been so strong and patient through this time. I hope one day your son can truly appreciate the love you have shown him. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Oh, Rose...I see progress. It will take some time. HUGS to you and your family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Thank you for the update, Rose. Your story and struggles remind me to be extra patient with people I come into contact with - you just never know what battles folks are facing. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Thank you for the update, Rose. Your story and struggles remind me to be extra patient with people I come into contact with - you just never know what battles folks are facing. Susan, thanks for posting this. Honestly, that is one thing I have learned in our journey...you never know people's story. I hope my boys come in contact with many people with your attitude. Oh and thanks for the reminder. Tonight (which is almost every night the same) we had an extra handful of teens crashing our place. We have an open door policy. But, I didn't really feel like the commotion tonight and felt myself get irritated. The truth is, most of the kids here tonight have some big struggles. I have to pray for more patience. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Rose, you continue to be in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 I need some serious prayer tonight. My niece called to say my ds is rock bottom, depressed. I believe it. I think he's been suffering from depression at least all his teen years. I am very down about this. And, In my conversation with her I felt a bit like she was implying that some of the choices we made in parenting contribute to his current demise. I know she is exhausted. I mean she has three young children herself. I know she's probably at her wits end. We did the best that we could and it wasn't good enough. Tomorrow she is going to try and take him to dr. I did reconfirm with my niece that she can't save him. That maybe we have to seek out another plan. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Rose :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Praying! ((((hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 You are still in my prayers. People don't save people, only God can save people, and EVEN THEN, they have to want him to do it. Most people are more afraid of change than they are legitimate danger. It is hard for your ds to imagine changing his thinking, changing what is in his mind. Right now he would rather hold on to his familiar thoughts than have a chance at a good life by seeing things more clearly. Even if those thoughts are poisoning him, they are his thoughts, his old friends. I hope he sees some one good. I will keep praying for your family. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Praying for your mother's heart, your son, your niece and her family, and for the medical staff who can help your son. God bless. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I'm so sorry to read your latest update, Rose. Praying for your ds. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Rose, I'm sure you know this... it can take months for a doctor and patient to figure out the best combination and dosage of depression meds. At least that has been our experience in our family. It may be something you will need to share with your niece. :/ There are no magical happy pills. A combination of cognitive behavioral therapy and medication has been our best success story. :grouphug: Hugs for you and your family. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I hope your son can find it within himself to accept that he needs the help and then accept that help when received. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: and prayers for your and your family Rose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 praying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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