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We nearly lost dad last night. Spycar's daddy is gone. This.is.so.hard.

FaithManor

By FaithManor,
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FaithManor

FaithManor

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I tried, my sister tried, my brother tried...the surgeon wouldn't listen, and my dad always does what the doctor says. So, he had his lobectomy yesterday.

 

They nearly lost him on the table when his heart, obviously rather traumatized by a quadruple bypass only 42 days ago, became bradycardic. They pulled him through, finished the surgery - admitting that he was touch and go several times but they'd reached a point in the surgery where they couldn't just close him up...point of no return. He started crashing in the CCU one hour post-op and in front of us - we'd just been let up to briefly see him - and GOD BLESS THE NURSE, because had he not started running that code, pushing albumen fluid in both IV's WIDE OPEN, giving meds he probably wasn't authorized to prescribe as an RN, etc. dad would be dead. There were four very unstable critical care post-op patients in that unit, three nurses, and NO DOC on the floor. Took the #^$#&^$#*& physician five minutes to get to the unit. I shudder to think what would have happend if the nurse had not run the code, and I've demanded an investigation into where the darn resident was much less the attending. I am so heart broken and yet angry all at once that I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think. I've decided to go burn off some excess nervous energy at the gym, but dh said I had to wait until he has a break in his schedule so that he can watch me. Sigh...I think he believes I'll push myself too hard and get injured. Maybe he's right. Normally we don't have this "do what I say, obey me" kind of marriage. Never.have.! But, my husband's face seemed to indicate that for the first time ever, he was expecting me to do as he requested without argument, so I've decided I'm too tired and possibly too jaded to argue. I'll wait though I don't want to do so.

 

The surgeon is very lucky there was a hospital chaplain between he and my brother. Egotiscal jerk would.not.listen. when we, the caregivers, told him dad was not strong enough to have this surgery yet so when dad coded and there was no doc in sight, well, I have to wonder what my brother would have done. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down to the waiting room and had our pastor sit with him. That said, I am really struggling with my attitude towards the surgeon.

 

Those of you in the know, do male nurses like to get flowers? I mean, I don't know what to give, but I do know that I want Nick to have something waiting for him when he comes on shift tonight. Chocolate, a fruit basket - I wondered if maybe something like an actual fruit platter might be better so that it's all pre-washed, chopped, and ready to eat...the other nurses could share with him and they are all so wonderful that they should be pampered too. I know it's all in a day's work - dd is a medic and in the 18 months she's been working only ONE family has said "thank you" for her services and that's just normal; they don't expect it - but, I don't like to take these things for granted or see people give of themselves in this way day in and day out and not receive some thanks for what they do. I am wondering if Nick and company would even be allowed to have a floral bouquet on the floor since there could be allergy issues to consider. These patients are definitely ones that would suffer great pain if they started sneezing! I know we'll do a card, but that just doesn't seem like enough and I'm not certain if hospital policy will allow him to receive a personal gift such as a gift card. I just need to do something. Ideas????

 

Thank you to everyone who has upheld me in your thoughts, best wishes, and prayers. It is such a comfort!

Faith

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itsheresomewhere

itsheresomewhere

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Nurses really like things that are individually wrapped so if you go with candy, please make sure it is individually wrapped. Male nurses love a thank you as much as anything. The best thing is for you to write a note about how great the nurse was with your dad and send it to the hospital. It will go in his file and that can mean more than you think especially during reviews.

 

Make sure any complaint you have is in writing.

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Just Kate

Just Kate

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I'm so sorry, Faith. I'm sure it's one time that you wish you weren't right. I'll pray for your dad this morning.

 

I think the fruit platter sounds great. I wouldn't do flowers in the icu.

 

 

Agreeing on the fruit platter. I will keep your family in my prayers.

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melmichigan

melmichigan

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I am so sorry there were complications and so glad you had a nurse that knew what they were doing.

 

We loved getting fruit platters when I worked the floor, that would be my suggestion. You might want to check if the same nurse will be working when you send it and add a card so it can be shared with anyone that might be off shift.

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bobbeym

bobbeym

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I'm so sorry Faith. I'm keeping your family covered in prayer.

 

Before sending fruit, I would encourage you to check hospital policies. Many hospitals don't allow any food or drinks in employee areas on the unit, so if there isn't a breakroom nearby for them they wouldn't have anywhere to enjoy the fruit.

 

If fruit is allowed, what about an edible bouquet for the nurse? Still fruit but a little more cutesy. We have several RNs/NPs in my non-clinical department and they love those. Otherwise I think a small gift card would be just fine.

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*********

*********

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Oh Faith! First of all, I'm so glad your dad pulled through. And unfortunately, I am all to well acquainted with doctors and surgeons who have something of a God complex. :glare: We've had some fantastic ones, to be sure, but we've had our share of horrendous ones, too.

 

For the nurses, when dad finally left the ICU, I made up a big basket. I baked cookies, got a package of really good chocolates, and then lots and lots of fruits; apples, oranges, grapes, bananas, pears, plums, peaches, etc. All washed, of course. It was a big basket. :D Added a card. All the staff on shift at the time stopped by dad's room to say thanks, which gave mom and I a chance to tell them each thank you personally as well.

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Cera

Cera

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I would do a personal thank you note and a note to his supervisor that could be added to his personnel file. I wouldn't do fruit because it is perishable and he might not be able to enjoy it if they are really busy and also because it might not be allowed depending on the rules for open food on the floor. I would probably go with a nice basket of individual treats that the nurses could grab when they are hungry...granola bars, individual packets of trail mix, individual packets of dried fruit, fun size candy bars, etc.

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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1. Listen to your husband! This does not sound like "you obey me or else" track but the "I can see alarming signs and want to protect you" stance.

 

2. Male nurses (when I was a patient) like chocolate! :laugh:

 

Deep breath. Pray, take walks, take care of yourself...and listen to your husband.

 

Praying for you all.

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JuanitaL

JuanitaL

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Is it ethical for a nurse to accept something like a gift card? Wouldn't that be pretty similar to accepting cash or a check? I would probably give something that could be shared with the rest of the unit staff to make sure I didn't put him in a potentially awkward position.

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*Lulu*

*Lulu*

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We just recently did a two week stint in the hospital before losing my grandfather. We had some of the best nurses ever while he was in ICU; they were truly fantastic and tended to our family with so much compassion even as they tended to thier patient.

 

The ICU staff had a small break room so we brought a basket of fruit, nuts, packaged cookies, and hard candies in to the staff. We have a fantastic local doughnut shop, and my dad brought fresh doughnuts in at shift change every few mornings. We also wrote letters of commendation for the two nurses who went above and beyond every shift.

 

(((Faith)))

 

I hope your Dad's condition improves and your interaction with twit physicians and surgeons is minimal from here on.

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FaithManor

FaithManor

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Thank you everyone. I'm home for the night. He's doing better, more stable, more alert, and pain under control.

 

He is, as ever, INTENSE! My dad has always been a, uhm, presence, on top of which, he responds very strongly to meds, any meds, all meds...dad trips like he's on acid for just about anything stronger than asprin, alka selzer, or amoxicillan. It is a genetic trait that my grandmother had, and I'm ever so thankful I dodged that bullet! He is currently being very nasty, very cruel to my sister and while she can intellectually understand this is not him talking, it is very hard to take. I know why he doesn't do it to me. Sis has always been a people pleaser and a peacemaker. I have always been a rather rational, upfront, don't take it person though I can usually do it diplomatically. Somewhere deep in his drug induced psyche, he seems to know which one to pick on. Sigh....he's a nice guy when he's not taking meds. Whatever goes on in his brain, I have to spell her so she doesn't have an anxiety attack or something.

 

We opted for personal thank you notes, but not the fruit basket because their break area is not very conducive to much and the fridge is ubber tiny. But, I did find out that they like speciality creamers and syrups for their coffees and have a cupboard to house them in so I bought them some yummy coffee additives. The hospital also has this "stargram" thing you can fill out and it goes directly to the nurse manager, so we filled out glowing ones for Nick and company which I hope means good treatment at personal review time.

 

I've decided that in order to distract him from making my sister crazy tomorrow or from wanting EVERYTHING done by my mother who looks rather done in, to take my copy of All Creatures Great and Small and read aloud. He used to LOVE when I would read these books or similar ones on our family camping trips. It is a favorite memory - sitting around the campfire while I read some hilarious story. We've covered Mr. Popper's Penguins and the Bunnicula series when the kids were little, but James Herriot or those crazy woodsman stories by Pat McManus are his favorites. I'm going to avoid the McManus ones because they might make him laugh too much and that would hurt. But, maybe now that he's alert and cranky, the Herriot stories will help the time pass and keep some of the morbid talk down. Right now, he and mom are making us slightly batty by regaling us with the blow by blow account of everyone they've ever known who has died. I don't know if this is some psychological processing thing that's considered normal, but I know it's really getting to me, and I don't know how this is healthy. He made it through the touch and go part, he's stable, and it's time to think positive imo.

 

Anyway, thanks so much for your support. Hivers are the best!!!!!

 

Faith

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Seasider

Seasider

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Faith, you are a devoted daughter. What a blessing to your family.

 

My dad reacted that way and we learned he could not be given any morphine based drugs. He had to be restrained (ie, lashed to the bed) once in the CCU. Scary but so true, it is the drug's fault.

 

Wishing you all a restful night.

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Caroline

Caroline

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Faith, my parents did the same death stories thing when my mom had her arterial valve replaced last fall. My mom also insisted my dad learn how to find the weather on her iPhone and other strange things. It seems, these nine months later, that the biggest remaining weird thing is that she doesn't like anyone to drive the speed limit with her in the car. So it is taking them longer to get everywhere. My dad, amazing man that he is, trudged the 1200 miles home from Ohio in the right lane going 55 all the way to South Florida earlier this week. It took three days, but she felt safe.

 

All this to say, you are doing a great job, and your dad and your whole family are in my thoughts.

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