Jean in Newcastle Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I got a call yesterday from her doctor wanting to talk to dh about her. When dh called the doctor, he found out that his mom's blood sugar was 517 but the doctor did not want her to go the hospital because she is so medically fragile. By the time dh got there her blood sugar was 498. He spent the evening coordinating with the doctor, giving her the meds she needed to get her stabilized. Even then it was a bit touch and go because when her sugar was so high she was uncooperative and combative and once it went down, she brushed it off as not being a problem. By morning, her blood sugar had plummeted to 72 but all she would eat was juice and chocolate. She absolutely refuses to listen to FIL. Fortunately dh was off of work today and was able to go over there and spent the day getting her meds sorted out (they were a mess of old and new meds jumbled together and some prescriptions hadn't been filled). He's calling her at regular intervals to tell her to test her sugar, to eat etc. But without someone being physically there, she reverts to old destructive habits. Tonight she ignored his reminder to take her medicine, ate a carby dinner and her sugar was 410. When dh told her that she needed to take her medicine she tried to brush it off and said she'd take it "tomorrow". Dh had to talk sternly with her and asked her if she wanted to die or be transported to the hospital in a coma. She decided to take her medicine. I have to go over there tomorrow to get her up, get her meds, food etc. She's used to being the matriarch in a matriarchal culture. We get along - because we have lots of space. I'm a bit stressed about this. I do not know how we're going to manage this long term if she even lasts that long. They really need to be in assisted living at a minimum but they don't have money and are extremely stubborn. All of that is being hashed out in the family and I don't have much to do with that. But in the meantime. . . some prayers etc. would be nice in dealing with what really is a nightmare. Update: MIL is here at my home. It took an hour of gentle coaxing, allaying lots of fears, reminding her that we were getting her purse, her meds etc. etc. before we finally got her in the car. What really did the trick was pointing out that all the chairs and beds were gone and she no where to sit or rest at their house! Where she really dug her heels in was eating. We got here about noon and all she had eaten all day was about 1/4 cup of coffee. And she was adamant that she wasn't going to eat anything. Dd made her a small omelet and I put a small amount of a green smoothie into a cup for her. I told her that she had to eat only 2 tbs. of food but it was non-negotiable. If she didn't, I'd have to take her to the hospital. The amazing thing was once she took a sip of smoothie, she all of a sudden discovered that she had an appetite after all and ate much more than I had said she had to eat. We're hanging out here at my house. I have no idea where they are going to sleep tonight but assume it must be the new house since their bed was gone. I have no idea if I'm cooking for both of them tonight. I have no idea if the kids and I can go to our doctor's appointment in two hours or not. And I'm not sure about dd's swim lesson this afternoon. I'm getting "flexibility lessons". But it's all good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: praying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Sending you all the good vibes I can muster. I'm sorry you are having to deal w/ all of this. I hope for her sake and yours (and dh), that she realizes she needs to take her meds and eat better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I'm so sorry. It's so hard to watch someone be so self-destructive. I'll be praying for you. I have a MIL in a bit of diabetes denial and I hope it never gets to this point with her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: Praying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Oh gosh, Jean. I'm so sorry you have to deal with it- it can be so hard to parent your parent. I will be praying for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn121 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Praying. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 (removed to a pm.) :grouphug: I went through this with my mom a few years ago. It's a balance giving them the dignity of their 'age', but trying to get them to do what they need to care for themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in AZ Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: That is a huge nightmare!!! I can't imagine how frustrating that must be for all of you. Praying she begins to cooperate and take some responsibility for her actions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 I told dh that I was finding things "a bit stressful". He told me that I am the queen of understatement. The current plan is that I'm going to call in the morning and assess the situation by phone. Things will be topsy-turvy because they will have movers there helping them move to a smaller house. We'll decide if I need to go over there based on the call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Oh, this is hard. You can only remind her of the words her son said to her tonight if she gets belligerent with you. Can you guys check out some Assisted Living facilities? Or if this is out of reach, will insurance pay for someone to come by and check on them daily - someone other than family? This way nobody in the family would have to deal with the stubborness and often people like that take advice from strangers much better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Praying here, Jean! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 That sounds like a lot to handle. Do the best you can; that's all you can do. Pray for God to handle the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: do you have district nurses there? I worked in home based aged care for a few years. Here there is a district nurse that does house-calls. If I had a client that was being stubborn (silly) over their medications, the DN would come and be quiet firm with them. She would also assess them and take them to hospital if their health dictated it. It is amazing how family can try so hard to help and the relative just digs their heals in, but the DN arrives and they are like a little child going up to the headmaster, all meek and complying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Someone catch me if I'm wrong, but it's my current understanding that after a BG level of 180 organ damage occurs, and it's irreversible. If we had a reading in the 400's here, I'd be calling an ambulance or on the way in to the ER. I can't even imagine the emotional stress of the situation. Many hospitals and associations offer classes on diabetes, how to cope and manage. Could hearing it from someone else as well as having a support group of like situation people wake her up some? Sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else to get it through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 What about making it really easy to take her medication? If she doesn't have them already, buy pill boxes so you can fill them for her and all she has to do is open the box. Mine is a 7-day box and I have two of them, one for am and one for pm. I've written on them with a Sharpie to keep them straight. Would she be able to follow that plan? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crafty Mathy Mom Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 So sorry. :grouphug: My FIL is the same way. To complicate matters he is also blind and has to get step MIL to check his sugar. She's been known to lie about checking it. We're 2 hours away from them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 So sorry you have to deal with this. Has she always been this way about her meds/lifestyle? It occurred to me that she may be mourning the loss of her home if they are moving, and using comfort foods to feel better--but carbs are lethal in her case. But maybe I'm projecting-- :001_rolleyes: Not to make light of your situation. Hang in there. Prayers being said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Jeanne, I like what Night Elf had to say. But I'd like to take it one idea further. Night Elf suggested geting the pill boxes, which are very helpful if there is someone who can manage the manual dexterity, has decent vision to see if one med falls on the floor, remembers if they set one pill on the table between swallows and doesn't just walk away, etc. : ) (Personal experience with an elder...) If there isn't anyone in the house who can mange the above, or if your MIL is resistant to someone in the fmaily who would help her, perhaps your family can hire someone to come in and administer meds and have a short friendly chat? It needn't be a nurse, just someone caring and available and familiar enough with the illness to "call the ball" if it crosses a threshhold. I have a frined who does this kind of service for a number of elderly clients. It's a very noble job, as it enables them to function in their own home. hth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 What a difficult situation, I am sorry Jean. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in SC Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I'm so sorry, Jean! This must be incredibly stressful. Hugs and I will pray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 We have friends who had a similar situation. Theirs did not end well. I hope your mil decides she needs to get well again. You are grace, Jean. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Does she qualify for palliative care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn in FL Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: to you and your family! I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with ths issue. Unfortunately, non compliance with a med regime and the elderly seem to go hand in hand sometimes. You have received some sage advice from the previous posters. Please try to make an extra effort to take care of yourself during this incredibly stressful time (which I realize is much easer said than done.) You KNOW what stress can do to your poor body..... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Jean, saying prayers for you and this situation! How did it go this morning? ~coffee~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: What a difficult place for you to navigate. I hope the morning goes well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Wow. Good luck to you all. What a difficult situation. I hope your MIL will come around to reason. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Lots of prayers, Jean. :grouphug: It's so, so hard. And especially when they refuse to do what's best for themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 Because of the time difference, I've just woken up. MIL is not awake yet so I don't know how she's doing. I'll know in a little bit when I call. :grouphug: do you have district nurses there? I worked in home based aged care for a few years. Here there is a district nurse that does house-calls. If I had a client that was being stubborn (silly) over their medications, the DN would come and be quiet firm with them. She would also assess them and take them to hospital if their health dictated it. It is amazing how family can try so hard to help and the relative just digs their heals in, but the DN arrives and they are like a little child going up to the headmaster, all meek and complying. Someone catch me if I'm wrong, but it's my current understanding that after a BG level of 180 organ damage occurs, and it's irreversible. If we had a reading in the 400's here, I'd be calling an ambulance or on the way in to the ER. I can't even imagine the emotional stress of the situation. Many hospitals and associations offer classes on diabetes, how to cope and manage. Could hearing it from someone else as well as having a support group of like situation people wake her up some? Sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else to get it through. What about making it really easy to take her medication? If she doesn't have them already, buy pill boxes so you can fill them for her and all she has to do is open the box. Mine is a 7-day box and I have two of them, one for am and one for pm. I've written on them with a Sharpie to keep them straight. Would she be able to follow that plan? :grouphug: to you and your family! I am so sorry to hear that you are having to deal with ths issue. Unfortunately, non compliance with a med regime and the elderly seem to go hand in hand sometimes. You have received some sage advice from the previous posters. Please try to make an extra effort to take care of yourself during this incredibly stressful time (which I realize is much easer said than done.) You KNOW what stress can do to your poor body..... :grouphug: Dh is an RN who works with the elderly and is an expert in palliative care. The family listens to him and respects him. He is also working two jobs and is trying to handle this situation on top of it all. I think this situation has been going on for a while but we didn't know it until a couple of days ago. The doctor specifically did not want her transported to the hospital. I do not know the entire reasoning there but dh talked to him extensively and said that he agrees with him. I think. A huge problem is cultural. They do not want to go to a home that does not have Filipino food. The family is taking that into consideration as they try to figure out what to do. I'm a DIL. I don't have a whole lot of say. The medications have been sorted out into the pill boxes. Dh did that yesterday. Part of the problem was they didn't even have all the medications on hand. Now they do and they will be monitored. The main problem is with the glucose testing and the insulin. Neither of these are as simple as taking a pill. FIL has some issues of his own and is having trouble dealing with it. MIL was an RN. She should know better. But she doesn't. She also had a stroke about 6 months ago and there were cognitive changes there. The high blood sugars do cause organ damage. They also cause further cognitive damage. Yeah. I'm supposed to avoid stress so that my fibro won't flare. Oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 FIL, dh and I have all agreed that I'm going over there in a bit and will pick up MIL and bring her home here. MIL is ambivalent. I told the kids to bring out all their cute tricks to convince her to get in the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 FIL, dh and I have all agreed that I'm going over there in a bit and will pick up MIL and bring her home here. MIL is ambivalent. I told the kids to bring out all their cute tricks to convince her to get in the car. Good luck. People can be insanely mulishly stubborn when they feel their independence is being threatened. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Praying for you and family. I know what a difficult time it can be. Keep us posted if you can. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Thanks for the update. I pray all goes well with the pick-up. Some advice on that--don't respond to her emotional cues. If she pulls out the stubborn face, you keep your faces cheerful and non-combative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Sounds like the stroke may have caused some of the belligerent behavior which is evidently not unusual after a stroke. This situation seems to call for a home health aid person. Does this system exist in WA? This way your MIL could still eat her own food but someone skilled would be checking on her daily - and it would not be left to relatives to make sure she is following through on her meds and other necessities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :grouphug: I missed this earlier but I'm sure the situation still needs prayer. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in AZ Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 The ironies of life...a year and a half ago when FIL was experiencing serious health problems we found a fantastic home for him near us where he could be cared for around the clock. MIL went to live with him there and hated it. Partly because she's an Aspie and the change aspect, but partly because it was run by Filipino women who cooked them (amazing) Filipino food every day! The care was fantastic there, as well. I will pray that you can find a similar situation for your in-laws. It is so tough dealing with aging parents!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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