Beards....and how much say should a wife have in Dh's decision to have one?

[Isabella]

Thanks for the discussion, everyone. Good to get the different opinions.:001_smile:

Edited November 6, 2012 by Isabella

[Mama Geek]

I wouldn't do something in retaliation, but dh doesn't have a mustache mostly because of me. Blah. He had one for a little while and knew that I still didn't like it. He finally got rid of it and he really hasn't talked as much about wanting one since then.

[Annabel Lee]

In the end, I think he'll find he likes your enthusiastic kisses more than his beard.

 

I don't advocate anything like retaliation, but 2 can play at "no shaving". ;)

[momofkhm]

My dh grows one in the winter months. But he grows it for a reason and I understand and agree with the reason. He hunts and it keeps his face warm. He also rides a motorcycle and it keeps his face warm. Maybe having a reason is all it takes.

 

But we also get to the spring and I get anxious for him to shave the thing off. No more reason, you know. BUT dh also knows that once he shaves it, it's like having a new man and we have tEa more. So he also has a reason to shave it off. :tongue_smilie:

[amy g.]

I'd say none at all.

[Night Elf]

My DH has had a trimmed beard since even before I met him. He's been thinking about shaving it off. I would hate a naked face. It's just not him. However, I'm sure I would get used to it. It's his call totally and completely. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't shave.

 

He doesn't decide on my hair, color or style. I just see it the same way.

[RoughCollie]

I think that growing hair is a personal decision. DH has no say in how long my hair is or which color it is. He certainly isn't going to grow long hair and wear it in a pony tail to please me. He also isn't about to grow a beard -- even though it would take him about 3 days of not shaving to see if he likes it.

 

If DH grew a beard and I didn't like it, I wouldn't say anything about it after my initial response. I'd hope he would end up shaving it off (I'm pretending to be you since I love beards and long hair on guys), and I'd figure that if I said anything, he'd stubbornly keep it longer.

[Lucy in Australia]

This was my DH, too (after 20 years of marriage, mind you :blink:) He said he's been wanting to do it for ages because he gets itchy skin after shaving. He also gets a 5-o'clock shadow soon after lunch :) He said he would shave it off if I still really hated it after a few months. I made a big effort to get used to it. Now I can honestly say I think he looks better with it. It slims his face, suits his age & position at work and most of all, he is more comfortable.

[mytwomonkeys]

my husband has a beard (sometimes it's a gotee), but right now it's a beard. like your husband, he keeps it trimmed. for me, i prefer my husband with facial hair though & i think he looks funny without it (but he's had it since before we met). now, if it were just a mustache? i would speak up! lol. that is just too close to my dad & i'd have to say something. my husband can do what he wants of course; he's a grown man. but if it were over the top for me, i would express my opinion in a nice way (like the time my husband came home in cornrows back in 2001. umm, he's a blonde haired, blued eyed, fair-skinned, 6'3 scottish man - can you say ridiculous!!! i've asked that we never repeat that phase again -- ever! what was he thinking???).

[Melinda in VT]

None at all.

 

After years and years and years of clean-shaven marriage, DH grew a beard. I like the look on him, but I hate the feel when I kiss him. I was very happy when he shaved it off.

 

Since then, he has alternated between being clean-shaven and having a beard.

 

To me, it is just like me deciding how long to wear my hair. I wear my hair at the length that makes me feel attractive, well-groomed, and confident. This is slightly shorter than the length DH prefers on me.

 

The self-confidence and body comfort of the person outweighs the preferences of the spouse.

[lisamarie]

My DH grew a beard about a year ago. I am so very torn on it. He looks good with it, sexier with it, but I HATE kissing it. Blah. I really, really hate kissing him with it. I've told him this every time he asks me why I don't like kissing him as much as I used to. Well, dear, it's like kissing my leg in the middle of winter.:lol:

 

I haven't asked him to shave it off because he does look better with it. But that whole kissing thing.... And he would shave it off if I really asked him to. I just can't because he looks so good with it.:tongue_smilie:

[Sahamamama]

Well... every marriage has its own tolerance for unilateral decisions, doesn't it? ;)

 

Years ago, we were casually talking and I mentioned to my husband that I had never seen him (or a photo of him) without his beard. That was all I said. :glare: He went into the bathroom. I thought he was, ya know, doing his morning business. He came out without his beard -- totally shaved off -- and I burst into tears! He looked like someone else without it. I cried for two weeks, off and on, :crying: always saying, "Put it back, put it back. And please don't ever do that again." :lol: We laugh about that now.

 

[Funny true story: He actually drew a beard with a medical pencil on our then 8 month old daughter's face and took a picture of both of them -- him without the beard and HER with one. We sent it to his parents, just to torment them. It was worth it. We laugh about that now, too.]

 

Personally, I don't have much tolerance for one-way decisions in a marriage. My husband probably has more wiggle-room for me making my own decisions, although I think he'd not be thrilled about me unilaterally getting a puppy. :lol:

 

The key issue here is (probably) not the beard, but the unilateral nature of his decision that effects you. It's his choice, but you are stuck living with it. So you'd like to have a say about it, too. A vote. :D

 

Is he in a mutually respectful, egalitarian marriage, or is he acting like he's still single? Or does he think it's "his body," he can do what he wants? Or does he think the beard makes him more manly? Or does he think that sticking to his choice makes him more manly? ;) If you dyed your hair _____ (insert color) without first considering his opinion, how would he feel about that? If you ________ (insert any action that impacts his life) without first considering his opinion, how would he feel about that?

 

If you DO __________ (insert action that impacts his life, such as getting the puppy), then will that start your marriage on the path to continual power plays over who gets to make the most unilateral decisions? You get the puppy, so he buys a ____________ (insert major purchase). So then you ________, so then he _________. And on and on. That could be destructive, I think. HTH.

[Pamela H in Texas]

He probably did consider your opinion, just not to the degree of it winning out.

And would you want him to shave the beard just because you wanted it even when he didn't?

 

However, if my hubby decided to go around without a mustache, I would be upset. It was bad enough this weekend when he shaved off the goatee (which I guess I have gotten used to though I wasn't sure about it at first). I don't care as much about the goatee, but I really don't like the lack of mustache. He has shaved it two or three times in the last two decades. Why, I don't know. He doesn't even look close to the same person and I don't like it in the least. I would *really* have a problem if he decided to go like that for a couple months!

 

So I do understand. But I kinda think you have to let it be his decision.

He knows your opinion, but you don't want to bully him into doing things your way.

[Word Nerd]

How much say should a husband have over his wife's hair length or style?

[clarkacademy]

I don't think a beard is the same as a puppy at all. I also don't think you really should have a say that seems over controlling to me. Kissing your husband is a show of love and maybe it hurts his feelings that you are acting like this over something so silly. If you posted something along the lines of you cut all your hair off and he won't kiss you because he likes it long people would be jumping saying how horrible that is. They would say is he is controlling and using affection to get his way.

 

I am sure on this board they would say alot.

[DawnM]

Well, since I told him when we married that I hated beards and didn't want him to ever have a full beard and he agreed to it, I would think I would have some say.

 

DH does have a goatee and that doesn't bother me too much, but a full beard I would not like.

 

Dawn

[Truscifi]

None at all.

 

After years and years and years of clean-shaven marriage, DH grew a beard. I like the look on him, but I hate the feel when I kiss him. I was very happy when he shaved it off.

 

Since then, he has alternated between being clean-shaven and having a beard.

 

To me, it is just like me deciding how long to wear my hair. I wear my hair at the length that makes me feel attractive, well-groomed, and confident. This is slightly shorter than the length DH prefers on me.

 

The self-confidence and body comfort of the person outweighs the preferences of the spouse.

 

:iagree: None. Nor should he have any say over my hair.

[marbel]

Let me say, he does keep it trimmed, so it's not big & bushy. I HAVE gotten used to the look of it, but still wouldn't say I like the look. Also, I WILL not kiss him with it! That grosses me out!

 

You haven't kissed your husband in all this time? Wow. (Hope I'm misinterpreting.)

 

I agree with a pp that if you go down the road of getting the dog, which affects the whole family in a huge way and much more so than a beard, you will be setting yourself up for trouble.

 

My husband and I don't comment on each other's appearance except to correct an error or give a compliment. I have no idea what he thinks of my hair color (fake) or style (not very). I am quite sure he'd like me to be thinner but he does not comment on my weight or my eating. Every couple is different, not setting myself up as the model, but it sure makes life easier and happier when we don't get all cranked up about superficial stuff like hair (facial or otherwise).

 

I'd learn to live with it.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

Edited November 5, 2012 by marbel

[Cera]

 

Now, I know it's his body, and he should be able to do what he wants with it, but I'm wondering if he should be taking more notice of what I think. On the other foot, I'm overweight, and I guess he'd like it if I were thinner, so maybe it's something like that?

 

 

 

I think you hit the nail on the head with this part of your post. Have you asked him nicely to shave it instead of just asking how long he plans to keep it?

 

Something along the lines of "Honey, I know you like the beard but I really prefer it when you shave because it is very scratchy and I miss kissing you all the time."

 

eta: If he keeps the beard after that it's his body but he just might shave it if he knew it would really make you happy.

[Wheres Toto]

My DH has had a trimmed beard since even before I met him. He's been thinking about shaving it off. I would hate a naked face. It's just not him. However, I'm sure I would get used to it. It's his call totally and completely. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't shave.

 

He doesn't decide on my hair, color or style. I just see it the same way.

 

:iagree: I think these kind of decisions really need to be up to the person wearing it. I don't think power plays are a good thing in a relationship, especially over something that is pretty trivial in the long run.

 

Although I am coming from the perspective of someone who likes beards (or at least doesn't hate them). Dh currently has a mustache and goatee. He has had a long full beard at times since we've been together (bears a strong resemblance to Santa Claus) and it didn't bother me at all, although I knew that was temporary.

[Mama_Rana]

None, sorta. I don't like when my DH grows a beard. I don't mind how it looks--except his beard went gray before his hair so that did tend to age him--but he tends to keep it super short and it is not pleasant to kiss him with. I've tried to encourage him to let it grow just a little longer, but he fears letting it look unkempt. :/

He knows I don't care for it, and from time to time he grows one anyway. I don't nag him.

 

But it goes both ways. I'm not a regular shaver either. I tend to keep the pits shaved in the summer, but in the winter, not as much, and legs pretty much year round are left natural. I'll shave occasionally when I want that smooth feel and/or look [like for his birthday or our anniversary]. I know he prefers me to be shaven, and I appreciate that he doesn't nag me about it. [OTOH, I hope to get laser hair removal as soon as I can afford it and find a practitioner.]

[Parrothead]

His hair, his decision.

[Mommy to monkeys]

In the end, I think he'll find he likes your enthusiastic kisses more than his beard.

 

I don't advocate anything like retaliation, but 2 can play at "no shaving". ;)

 

 

When my husband started growing a beard (he did it because he had gotten out of the military and was "tired of shaving"), I tried this kind of stand off.

 

I caved first.

 

I hated the beard. Still hate it (almost 2 years later). . .and it does annoy me that he didn't care what I thought.. . .but it's HIS face. If ONLY I had stuck a "no beard" clause in our marriage vows!:tongue_smilie:

[The Girls' Mom]

His face. Does he get to tell you how to wear your hair, etc?

 

I may be biased though. I love the beard my dh has worn for 20 years :D

[kokotg]

DH grows one every winter these days. I don't mind the way it looks (and, in fact, it always freaks me out when he first shaves because he looks like he's 12 to me for the first few days), but, yeah, I could do without the scratchiness. But it's his face, so it's his decision. He lets me tell him what to wear, so it all works out.

[susankenny]

I's speak my peace and then leave it alone. I think spouses do have the right to express preferences, but it shouldn't trump the other person & I would not be passive aggressive in trying to make them change.

 

 

Susan

[2squared]

Well, you could encourage him to join the military. He wouldn't be allowed to have a beard them.

 

:leaving:

[*********]

He doesn't decide on my hair, color or style. I just see it the same way.

 

DH has no say in how long my hair is or which color it is.

 

To me, it is just like me deciding how long to wear my hair. I wear my hair at the length that makes me feel attractive, well-groomed, and confident. This is slightly shorter than the length DH prefers on me.

 

How much say should a husband have over his wife's hair length or style?

 

Nor should he have any say over my hair.

 

His face. Does he get to tell you how to wear your hair, etc?

 

 

I'm really surprised by these responses.

 

My dh DOES have a say in how I wear my hair. Perhaps it has to do with our religious beliefs? I'm not sure. (We believe that women should have long hair, and men should have short hair.)

 

Anyway, yes, my dh has a say in how I keep my hair. And if he wanted to grow a beard, I'd have a say in that, too.

 

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about marriage. In verse 4, he says:

 

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

 

Also, consider Genesis 2, 23-24:

 

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

 

Dh and I believe than when you marry, you are no longer seperate, but one. And yes, that extends to having say over one another's physical bodies.

 

It's compromise, just like a lot of marriage. :D

 

(And lest anyone get any ideas; dh does not TELL ME how to wear my hair. But I don't do anything to it that I know he'd dislike.)

[Live2Ride]

I'm glad that my DH can't have a beard at work. They have to be able to wear a respirator should the need arise and it has to fit snuggly around their mouth. They are actually fitted each year for one. He can only grow one when he's in license class (which is longer than 12 months) and he normally does, but keeps it trimmed up. It's nice and all, but he knows I like him better without it, mainly because it tickles me and he'll smush it on me when he kisses me just to make it worse, :D

 

But I won't tell him no. It's not something I should tell him no about. He lets me do whatever to my hair, but he does let me know if a style or color is not his favorite (which I do know is his nice way of saying he doesn't like it at all, lol), but luckily we've got similar tastes in style.

[cloversandlions]

I definitely don't think that getting a puppy that he doesn't want is a good idea, no matter how justified you might think it is. It's just not comparable, you know? And it's not fair to the animal, either.

 

My dh has "issues" around the fact (and it is a fact) that he can't really grow a full beard. He keeps trying to grow a mustache, which doesn't really fill in very well, and IMO, it looks terrible. That hasn't stopped him from trying over and over again, though. In his case, I think he equates it with being more...manly (he seems to think that real men should be able to grow facial hair). When I was in high school, I dated a fellow high school student who had a full beard and mustache (he was very popular in college, before the stores started carding everyone who looks 30 and under!). It didn't bother me - I don't have a strong preference either way - but I do understand your POV. :)

 

Maybe you could offer other, uh, incentives to your dh? ;)

[ccolopy]

In our marriage, I express my preferences, and he decides whether to take my advice or not. I think he looks equally as handsome with a beard and without, but he thinks he looks more professional when he shaves, so he usually does.

[Isabella]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I guess the overwhelming majority say that the wife has no say. I tend to agree with Bethany though, and perhaps that is to do with our religious beliefs, too. We also agree with women with long hair, and men with short. At present I have short, though, after going through chemo last year. I also would never wear anything, or do anything to my hair that my husband hated. I wouldn't stop shaving my legs because he would think that was gross (so would I!):tongue_smilie:

 

All I have said was exactly what I said in my original post. Exactly that. So, I haven't been harping on, nagging or anything like it. He knows how I feel, because I said it very straightly. ;)

 

And to the PP, you didn't misinterpret, I have not kissed him on the face since he has had the beard. I kiss him on the shoulder in greeting or goodbye. We have never been passionate kissers, so there's not much different there. I hug him plenty, so it's not like I'm cutting off all affection!

 

I think I gave the wrong impression, I'm not PLANNING to get the puppy at all, just wondered how he would feel if I did that without taking his feelings into account. :tongue_smilie:

 

I am not going to do anything about it, and I certainly won't be saying too much more than I already have, just looking forward to when he's over it!

 

Thanks again, though. It's been very helpful and interesting to see the responses.:001_smile:

[Impish]

I guess Wolf and I are weird :lol:

 

I let him pick out my hair colour. He colours my hair for me, and I figure he looks at me more than I do.

 

I love his goatee. Do NOT like it when he's clean shaven, and really loathe moustaches. So, he's shaven now and then, but grows it right back, b/c he knows how I feel about it.

 

I also would never have deliberately cut my hair short (it fell out when I was really ill, growing back) b/c I know how much he loved my hair long.

 

We want to please each other. We want to be attractive to the other. So, yeah, we absolutely do take into account the other's preferences, and I guess that amounts to each of us having a say in the other's appearance.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I feel your pain. Dh grows a beard every summer for his fishing trip, and sometimes randomly throughout the year. I certainly don't like kissing him with the beard because his is coarse and prickly. The kids don't like when he kisses them with the beard, either. Usually, after a couple weeks of our complaining about the kisses, he shaves it off! He tried growing just a mustache once, and I kept asking when he was trying out for C.H.iP.s. He got the message.

 

Dh likes long hair, but I don't look good with long hair, so he deals with it. I don't like his beards, but other than complaining when he smooches me, I deal with it.

 

Getting the puppy is not the answer.

[Ellie]

His face, his beard. If you want the right to tell him how he can wear his face, then he has the right to tell you how you can wear your hair. IMHO, neither is appropriate.

[stripe]

His face, his beard. If you want the right to tell him how he can wear his face, then he has the right to tell you how you can wear your hair. IMHO, neither is appropriate.

 

I agree -- and no matter what any religious beliefs are, if the partners share the same religion that has a perspective on hair, then to me, it's not the spouse who's telling the partner to keep their hair that way, it's God. I have acquaintances whose husbands have too many opinions about their hair. My view is that my husband should only say nice things about my hair. He has never expressed an interest in knowing my opinion of his facial hair, either.

[*********]

At present I have short, though, after going through chemo last year.

 

I also would never have deliberately cut my hair short (it fell out when I was really ill, growing back) b/c I know how much he loved my hair long.

 

Isabella and Imp, I want to clarify that my religious beliefs regarding women having long hair has to do with INTENTIONALLY cutting it short. There is certainly no judgement from me if a woman has short hair due to something beyond her control.

 

Just wanted to clarify. :grouphug:

[KungFuPanda]

My Dh grew a beard while away on a camping trip. When he got home, I assumed he'd shave, but he didn't. I asked him why, and he said he thought he might grow it and just see how it feels for a while. I asked him how long, and he said a couple of months. I let him know I don't like it, and that I would be looking forward to when he decided to shave again. Fast forward a couple of months, and I told him 2.5months are up, and was he going to shave. He said, no, he'd gotten used to it, and liked it, so would keep it.

 

Let me say, he does keep it trimmed, so it's not big & bushy. I HAVE gotten used to the look of it, but still wouldn't say I like the look. Also, I WILL not kiss him with it! That grosses me out!

 

Now, I know it's his body, and he should be able to do what he wants with it, but I'm wondering if he should be taking more notice of what I think. On the other foot, I'm overweight, and I guess he'd like it if I were thinner, so maybe it's something like that?

 

What's your thoughts? I feel like getting the puppy I want, and that he doesn't want, and saying I feel like I want it, so I'm going to just go ahead and do it....like your beard. That would probably be not in the same league, but KWIM?

 

The puppy isn't the same at all. The same would be if he refused to kiss you unless you lost weight. Or unless YOU were completely clean shaven. Or unless you cut your long hair short.

 

We'd probably be saying one unkind things about him if HE made any of those demands of you.

[*********]

I agree -- and no matter what any religious beliefs are, if the partners share the same religion that has a perspective on hair, then to me, it's not the spouse who's telling the partner to keep their hair that way, it's God. I have acquaintances whose husbands have too many opinions about their hair. My view is that my husband should only say nice things about my hair. He has never expressed an interest in knowing my opinion of his facial hair, either.

 

That's a good point Stripe, but with dh and I it goes farther than just 'I keep my hair long/he keeps his short because that's what we believe the Lord wants for men and women'. Not only would I not cut my hair short, I wouldn't wear it any way I know my dh disliked. For example, if he didn't like my hair in pigtails, I wouldn't wear them. That has nothing to do with our religious beliefs on hair; I simply want to please my dh.

[dbmamaz]

I've always LOVED beards. The ex tried to grow one for me after a few years, but really couldnt. even i admitted it looked too scraggly to be worth it. DH otoh has a LOT of hair. When we first got together i was getting rug burn on my face! He tried 3 different razors and could not get it smooth enough to not hurt me, so he grew a beard for me. He often forgets these stories, and recently he said he wouldnt shave it for a job, because he likes it.

 

Everyone has to work out their own marriage, but keeping score and holding grudges is not usually productive.

[Cricket]

I's speak my peace and then leave it alone. I think spouses do have the right to express preferences, but it shouldn't trump the other person & I would not be passive aggressive in trying to make them change.

 

:iagree: Although one of the biggest reasons I keep my hair long is because dh prefers it that way. He also has a beard. I love how it feels on my cheek. After seeing responses, I guess I'm the oddball on that!

 

The only time I've had an issue with his hair is when he had a longer, scraggly beard and then decided to shave his head. He looked horrid! Escaped convict scary. People would actually see us coming down the sidewalk and cross over to the other side so as not to pass us. Thankfully that phase didn't last long.

[Desert Rat]

His face. Does he get to tell you how to wear your hair, etc?

 

I may be biased though. I love the beard my dh has worn for 20 years :D

 

This was my question. If he does have a say in your decisions regarding your hair then, yes, you have a say in his beard and hair.

 

I love my dh's beard when he has it. I love his clean shaven face when he has that. When I met him he had a handlebar moustache. He's had soul patches, goatees, moustaches, mutton chops. I guess I like variety. And I certainly love his face.

 

OP, if his beard is scratchy, tell him to try conditioner in it. If you sincerely hate the beard, sit down nicely and talk to him about it. Good luck!

[Parrothead]

 

Dh and I believe than when you marry, you are no longer seperate, but one. And yes, that extends to having say over one another's physical bodies.

 

 

Wow! I've never heard this sentiment before. I'm entirely too independent to even think about making something like that work. (Which is why I don't get behind the patriarch system either.)

 

What do you do if he decides to tell you to do something against your beliefs? Or just something you don't want to do?

[Jenny in Florida]

How much say? As far as I'm concerned, next to none.

 

It's his body, his face. I'd be extremely unhappy with a husband who tried to control or unduly influence my own decisions about how I wear my hair or any other superficial, cosmetic decision I made. So, I would be a terrible hypocrite if I made a scene about his similar choices.

[Joker]

Dh would never in a million years say he disliked my hair (even if he did) because it's just hair. I don't care what he does with his hair either because it's just hair. I'm not the one having to shave my face so I'm not going to tell him he has to or that he shouldn't.

[Mommyof4ks]

I would probably say something about not liking it, but I would not fuss over it or retaliate. It would bother me if dh wanted me to grow my hair, cut my hair, wear make up, or whatever, so I would never tell him what to do.

 

Of course I let my boys grow their hair long at ages 7 and 8, because they wanted to know what it felt like, so maybe I am the wrong person to ask. I never said anything to them about how it looked or anything, and after 6 months they got bored and cut it.

[*********]

Wow! I've never heard this sentiment before. I'm entirely too independent to even think about making something like that work. (Which is why I don't get behind the patriarch system either.)

 

What do you do if he decides to tell you to do something against your beliefs? Or just something you don't want to do?

 

I'm not sure what you mean. Could you give me an example?

 

If my dh told me to do something that would cause me to sin, I wouldn't do it.

 

If it was simply something I didn't *want* to do, then we'd sit down and hopefully come to a compromise.

[BigMamaBird]

Well, my Dh can't grow a beard so this is hypothetical for me, but here it goes. I have short hair and Dh prefers long, but when I got it cut short, he was supportive of it and often compliments me because he loves me and wants me to know that he finds me attractive. So I'd try to treat him how I'd want him to treat me. As long as he was keeping it neat I'd make an effort to come up with sincere compliments from time to time and I'd stop trying to get him to shave.

[jujsky]

I wouldn't kiss DH if he had a beard either. Think of all the body parts we shave as women. Is it really that big of a deal to shave his face? DH has mentioned a couple times he'd like to try a beard, but I've told him, "You stop shaving, I stop shaving." My DH did have a mustache prior to meeting me, but a friend convinced him to shave it off. Thank God! I've seen the pictures. It looks like something crawled onto his upper lip and died a slow, painful, greasy death. There's no way I would have dated him because it made him look sleazy and creepy. Some men look good with facial hair -- my DH doesn't.

[Parrothead]

I'm not sure what you mean. Could you give me an example?

 

If my dh told me to do something that would cause me to sin, I wouldn't do it.

 

If it was simply something I didn't *want* to do, then we'd sit down and hopefully come to a compromise.

Well, sticking with the hair thing. What if he told you he'd like it if you'd lop off about 4 inches. It would still be considered long, just not as long as it currently is. And say you are perfectly happy with the current length. Would you lop off the 4 inches just because he wanted you to even though it might make you unhappy for just a bit?

 

Or what if he said he would prefer that you not diet or exercise because he likes it if you are just a bit squishy. (That may fall under gluttony and sloth but just as an example let's say it is just on the right side of sin.) Would you just fall into unhealthy habits because of his desire for a slightly squishy wife?

 

Or opposite that and he decided you were a glutton and slothful. Would you jump in feet first into the diet and exercise regime he devised for you because all of a sudden he has decided he wants a hard body wife with great abs?

 

 

ETA: I'd like to open these questions to anyone else who thinks spouses have a say in their spouse's physical appearance.