Spy Car Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I would go with wife has veto power over beards, unless beard was preexisting. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 This is a tough one for me. I don't believe we should control the appearance preferences of our spouse. I cut & color my hair as I desire & he has the option to do the same. That being said, I would be... not happy... if DH grew a beard, not because of looks although I don't care for that look, but because kissing him with facial hair actually hurts. Like, rash around the mouth from the irritation - HURTS. I would never do something to myself that would physically hurt him & I would expect the same from him. That being said, maybe if the hair gets long enough it wouldn't hurt & I'd be willing to give it a try but if it hurt, I'd expect him to shave. I know he prefers me with long hair but I keep mine short for the time being. It causes NO problem in our marriage. Yup, beards can hurt. At least I assume they can. If dh wanted to try it I would be up for it since it's his face. But if it hurts he would be willing to cut it off regardless of whether or not he liked it. If my hair, or other easy to change feature hurt him I would also be willing to change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 When I am most anxious, I curl up to my Dh with my face stuck in his armpit. I find the smell of him the most relaxing thing in the world. Hair, or lack of it, is not a hill to withhold affection over. I thought I was the only armpit lover/ sniffer.:001_smile: My dh has a beard which I love. He has shaved it once or twice while we've been married. I told him I prefer the beard but didn't demand he regrow it. Once you've stated your opinions I feel your input stops. As others have said he doesn't tell me how to dress, cut my hair, etc so I owe him the same courtesy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 When I am most anxious, I curl up to my Dh with my face stuck in his armpit. I find the smell of him the most relaxing thing in the world. Hair, or lack of it, is not a hill to withhold affection over. Meeeee too :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 DH wears a goatee and a moustache. I don't love them, as I prefer clean-shaven, but I'm used to them now. He keeps them neatly trimmed so they don't scratch me when I kiss him. :) A while ago, he grew the sides in more. I didn't like that and did tease him about it a bit. I think it keeps his face warm in the winter, but it's also not really as flattering to him, IMO. It's his face, but I was awfully glad when he got rid of that part. I keep my hair long (like, extremely long; it's almost to my knees), partly because I like it that way, but partly because I know he likes it like that. Not sure what I'd do if he really didn't like it long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafgaf4 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I would only say something if it made him look like a "goober". Otherwise, I would keep my mouth closed and love him anyway! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 My skin is sensitive. I can't bear kissing a scratchy, bearded face. The one time dh tried a beard and we tried a little brewing, my face got red and almost raw. It hurt and dh couldn't understand why I couldn't get in the mood. I told him the problem, he went into the bathroom and shaved. Problem solved. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I have veto power in my house. Can't stand dh's looks without his beard. But that's his choice, not mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 How much say does he get on your hairstyle? If you fix your hair how yo like, then he gets to fix his hair/beard how he likes. The only exception would be if you get rashy from the beard, then comon courtesy would be to eliminate the issue. If he keeps his beard trimmed and you still find kissing your husband "gross", then I have no advice for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 When I am most anxious, I curl up to my Dh with my face stuck in his armpit. I find the smell of him the most relaxing thing in the world. Hair, or lack of it, is not a hill to withhold affection over. It's the pheromones. I like my husband's scent comforting also. When I was a little girl, I found my stepdad's scent comforting (his shaving cream and aftershave). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jpoy85 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Dh looks better with a beard. I HATE his gotea (not spelled right sorry) thing though. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I haven't read any replies since this morning when the boards went down, and didn't get a chance to come back until now. I'm trying to remember what I posted, but couldn't submit. It went something like this: Dh has a beard (trimmed) and mustache. I'm not crazy about either. It's the second time since I've known him that he's done it, but he's kept it the longest this time - 4 years. It's his hair, not mine. I told him I like his bare face better. Once. A few years ago I got tired of my always straggly hair and had it very cut short. I've kept it that way. It's my hair, not his. He told me he prefers long (or longer) hair on me. Once. Neither of us would tell the other what to do with our hair. It's not something worth getting bent out of shape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Well, it's no fun to be poked in the face by thousands of little spikes when you give your husband a kiss. Get a really good conditioner, and ask him to wash his beard ONLY with this conditioner. Not only will it make the beard smell great, but over time will soften the spiky hairs. (That's what we do). HTH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
go_go_gadget Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I think both parties' opinions should matter, but that the ultimate decision lies with the person to whom the body actually belongs. That said, my skin is very sensitive and I can't kiss my husband without instant, visible irritation to my chin if he has even a hint of a beard, so he's very careful about shaving for that reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 (edited) Okay, well in keeping with the OPs problem. Say your dh had to travel for business for a few weeks. While he was gone you dropped 20 pounds. When he got home she said he liked you better with the 20 pounds and decided to withhold affection until you gained the 20 pounds back. Would you gain it back to please him? I truly don't mean this to sound argumentative or nit-picky, I'm just trying to make sure that we're approaching this from the same angle for comparison's sake. If we're trying to compare this with the OP's problem, it would need to go more like this. Before going on a business trip my husband made it clear that he liked a little meat on my bones. I decided to go ahead and lose weight anyway, because I like the way I look when I'm lighter. I lose a bit of weight, he comes home and expresses disappointment that I'm thinner, but I tell him I'm going to keep losing weight anyway. I lose much more weight over the next few months. He grows physically distant from me. Eventually he tells me that he can hardly stand to touch me anymore (for whatever reason - perhaps he finds stick thin girls child-like and repulsive) because of all the weight I've lost. This would not be news to me. I knew when I was doing it that it was something he wouldn't like, and I did it anyway. I just wasn't expecting such a visceral reaction to it and was hoping that we could both be happy with my choice. So yes - in that situation I absolutely would put weight back on to please my husband. As for you last paragraph, it isn't because it is my choice, but because it is my body. Bethany's argument is that because they are married it is no longer her body. Her body has become her husband's body to ask for (or demand) what he pleases. I'm trying to ascertain where the my body is your body ends. Is it just with facial/head hair? Or does it extend to all aspects of the other spouse's body? I can't answer that question for Bethany, since I'm not approaching it from the "your body belongs to me" angle. I just think that in a marriage, choices that affect the relationship between spouses should not be unilateral. Both parties should have a vested interest in their physical attraction, and therefore both parties should take care to protect and encourage that part of relationship, even if some work or sacrifice is involved. "It's my body" doesn't hold water for me when I'm promised to look after someone else's best interests, and my body is in that someone's best interests, lol. Edited November 5, 2012 by SproutMamaK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Well, how would you feel if your husband dictated how you were with your body? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Well, I like a nice, neat, well-kept beard. I don't get why it grosses you out. Does he not wash it? Trim it? Keep it neat? If he does these things, then I don't see the big deal at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I think dh is right sexy with a beard. But I hate the way it feels on my neck and thighs. This has me :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 (edited) No say, at all. You can express your opinion on the matter - ONCE, then leave it at that. However, if your opinion is that you dislike the beard or how it feels on your face, and he chooses to keep it, he does not get to whine about lack of kisses or the follow up to kissing... teA, either. ETA: I'm not saying that the withholding of affection will happen consciously or out of spite, either. But we, as humans, have a tendency to avoid that which we do not find appealing and it's very hard to force yourself to be "turned on" if there is something that "grosses you out"/makes you feel uncomfortable standing in the way. Edited November 6, 2012 by fraidycat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I truly don't mean this to sound argumentative or nit-picky, I'm just trying to make sure that we're approaching this from the same angle for comparison's sake. If we're trying to compare this with the OP's problem, it would need to go more like this. Before going on a business trip my husband made it clear that he liked a little meat on my bones. I decided to go ahead and lose weight anyway, because I like the way I look when I'm lighter. I lose a bit of weight, he comes home and expresses disappointment that I'm thinner, but I tell him I'm going to keep losing weight anyway. I lose much more weight over the next few months. He grows physically distant from me. Eventually he tells me that he can hardly stand to touch me anymore (for whatever reason - perhaps he finds stick thin girls child-like and repulsive) because of all the weight I've lost. This would not be news to me. I knew when I was doing it that it was something he wouldn't like, and I did it anyway. I just wasn't expecting such a visceral reaction to it and was hoping that we could both be happy with my choice. So yes - in that situation I absolutely would put weight back on to please my husband. Okay. I can't understand it at all, but okay. I can't answer that question for Bethany, since I'm not approaching it from the "your body belongs to me" angle. I just think that in a marriage, choices that affect the relationship between spouses should not be unilateral. Both parties should have a vested interest in their physical attraction, and therefore both parties should take care to protect and encourage that part of relationship, even if some work or sacrifice is involved. "It's my body" doesn't hold water for me when I'm promised to look after someone else's best interests, and my body is in that someone's best interests, lol. All I can say to this is I don't think a spouse's outward appearance should affect the relationship. What happens if there is a horrible accident and one spouse is disfigured? Chemo? Old age? I think if one loves one's spouse one doesn't care what one's spouse looks like. And I'm still interested in how the "your body belongs to me" relationship. I can't get behind it, but I'm curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Well, I like a nice, neat, well-kept beard. I don't get why it grosses you out. Does he not wash it? Trim it? Keep it neat? If he does these things, then I don't see the big deal at all. Yeah, seriously, my husband likes my beard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Yeah, seriously, my husband likes my beard. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Yeah, seriously, my husband likes my beard. :lol::lol: I somehow choked on my own air with this one. :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 All I can say to this is I don't think a spouse's outward appearance should affect the relationship. What happens if there is a horrible accident and one spouse is disfigured? Chemo? Old age? I think if one loves one's spouse one doesn't care what one's spouse looks like. Maybe the misunderstanding is that some are using the sense of Sight as their reason, while others are using Touch. Sight, not AS big of a deal. However, physical appearance IS important to some people, whether they wish it so, or not and whether it should or shouldn't doesn't really matter in the end. Touch - well, a person can't easily just "close" their nerve endings in their face, like they could close their eyes. Visual learner or "attractor" vs. Kinesthetic learner or "attractor" maybe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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