How often do you hug your teenagers?

[5LittleMonkeys]

I had a friend over the other day and she made a comment that made me wonder if we are the exception or the rule.

 

Dd14 came downstairs, came over to me and said, "I need a hug." She didn't really need a hug but this is just always the thing she says when she wants a hug. So I wrapped her up in a big bear hug. A little while later dd12 came downstairs and came up behind me and hugged me. My friend, at that point, commented that her dc would NEVER hug or allow to be hugged by her or her dh. She said that they were around 10 when they started to reject hugs, holding hands, and pecks on the cheek. She said that my dc must be overly affectionate, to which I replied they weren't, just probably average. She disagreed and said she thought the more common was the way her dc behaved.

 

I would say on average my two older dc will get\give 3-5 hugs a day (to me or by me) for no real reason. I'll also sometimes hold one of their hands while they sit on the couch next to me for a movie or documentary. NOW, out in public is different of coarse.:tongue_smilie:

 

So, I'm curious if others are like we are or not. Also, I wonder if ps vs. homeschooling has any bearing on it. My friend's dc go to ps.

[nukeswife]

I don't have a teenager yet, but my oldest son is 12.5 and he's just like your kids. I think maybe your hs vs. ps may be right. My kids have never seen that it's "Uncool" to hug or be hugged by your parents. In fact my 12.5 year old still likes to have "mom and me" days where I take him to lunch and then we go hang out at the book store or the game store, or head to a movie.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I added a poll. My first!:D

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ds14 loves to give me hugs (at least 3 a day). Dd10 loves to give me hugs too - sometimes too many because I want some space from her! They are usually the initiators of any hugs too.

[Chris in VA]

I hug all my kids. They are fine with it. I don't think ps or homeschool has a thing to do with it.

[J-rap]

We're not a real touchy-feely family, but I make sure I hug my teens at least once/day. We all say "I love you" though every time someone walks out the door. I had one child who didn't want to be hugged, not even when she was very small. Darn! But I respected that.

[Mimm]

Hm. I don't have teenagers, but when I was teen, I didn't get hugs, and most certainly never kisses from my parents and I was homeschooled. I had friends that were homeschooled and friends who went to public school that had affectionate parents. Based on my experience, there isn't a relationship between schooling method and affection between parents and teens. :)

[Laura in MI]

I hug all my kids. They are fine with it. I don't think ps or homeschool has a thing to do with it.

 

:iagree: I think it has to do more with their personality and each family.

 

My kids do regularly ask for hugs, my 17yo will even ask for a hug occasionally :D

[CyndiLJ]

I have 2 13 year olds, 2 12 year olds and a 9 year old...and all 5 get hugged often all day long. Sometimes it is my initiating it, sometimes them. We snuggle next to each other when reading on the couch, my daughters (12 and 13) will put their arm around my shoulders in public, hold my hand, etc. My sons will also throw their arm over my shoulders or around my waist in public.

 

We are a very affectionate family, and one thing I feel we are most blessed with is the open way we are with each other. I see other families with teens and it appears they rarely hug one another, you can see it in their body language. I know some are born to be non-huggers, but I am so glad ours are not that way! As they grow older and as we have what I am sure will be moments of struggle, a good hug can help say what words can not express sometimes.

 

Cindy

[Joanne]

My teens, who were homeschooled until 2 years ago and now attend private and public schools...........

 

We hug, at their request, several times a day.

[Alphabetika]

I said occasionally/homeschool, because my dd who's been a teen the longest has never liked being hugged, not even as a little kid. But my younger teen likes hugs and I hug her at least once a day.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Based on my experience, there isn't a relationship between schooling method and affection between parents and teens. :)

 

I don't think homeschoolers love their kids more or that homeschool dc love their parents more, or anything like that...just wondering if the peer aspect of ps would affect if a teen regarded hugging as un-cool or to "babyish".

[elegantlion]

I get multiple hugs a day. One when he gets up, one when I say good-night, and however many more I can get in the day. I'm a huggy person, ds is too. I hug him in public, usually in a goofy manner. He doesn't care.

[Abigail4476]

Other. Often and for no particular reason other than loving them so much I just have to squeeze 'em!!! :tongue_smilie:

 

Mine all started private school this year, but I'm not sure what the schooling choices have to do with the amount of hugging.

[Jennifer in MI]

Depends on the kid.

 

Ds 15 has NEVER been a hugger. Even as a baby. He physically stiffens up at physical affection. So, for him, physical contact with me consists of a fake punch in the arm or a fist bump. Seriously - that's affection for him. Oh - he also gives the BEST massages.

 

Ds14 is fine with it. Never asks. But he'll hug if I initiate it.

 

Ds11 is my cuddler. He still holds my hand regularly. He likes to curl up to me when we read. He hugs ALL.THE.TIME. I don't see this changing.

[HRAAB]

I get and give many, many hugs every day. My older two who live away from home get their hug meter filled up when they visit. We're a huggy family.

[5LittleMonkeys]

 

Mine all started private school this year, but I'm not sure what the schooling choices have to do with the amount of hugging.

 

See my post #12.

[lmrich]

My dd daily. My ds when he lets me. However his hugs are big ones whereas my dd are like little pats on the back.

[Lolly]

dd19 is still known to climb in my lap on occasion. :lol: We hug frequently around here. When ds is getting angryish, we holler out "*** needs a hug" and all group hug him. It always results in laughter.

[Abigail4476]

See my post #12.

 

Oh, okay, TY! :001_smile: It seems to be more of a personality thing around here.

[bettyandbob]

I voted other. I have 2 teenagers, both attend public school.

 

One that I never hug. I wish I could, but he won't ever let me and hasn't for years. He does not accept physical affection. He never has. Affection with him is subtle, often it's simply the way he seeks us out to share something that's important to him.

 

I hug dd ocasionally for no reason. We also have a lot of "hanging out in mom's room time" chatting about school, movies, music, her art, goals. She snuggles up to me in bed. Not hugging, but leaning in my shoulder and such.

 

My youngest is 10. He gets hugs all the time and seems to crave physical touch.

[LibraryLover]

As often as they'll let me. :)

Edited February 15, 2012 by LibraryLover

[KungFuPanda]

I have one of each kid :-). My daughter, who has never been to school, tries to escape my hugs. She's ALL about the personal space and can be introverted. I am undeterred. My 11-yearson who went to public preschool is her opposite and will exchange several hugs a day without complaint. He's my snuggle buddy.

 

So, I didn't vote.

[butterflymommy]

My 13 y.o. who is in school (we just put some back in school) hugs me and lets me hug her all the time.

 

My 15 y.o. who is HSed grows fangs and talons if I get within 2 feet of him. :glare:

[Melissa in Australia]

No hugging of teens here.:crying:

My DH doesn't go in for hugs either. I hug him all the time, it is like hugging a tree trunk.:crying::crying::crying::crying:

[DarlaS]

DS 18 has never been a hugger. I hug him when I go to bed and (sometimes) when he leaves the house for classes. He doesn't hug back and I don't push it. He's just never been the snuggly sort. He is much more sweet and sensitive than he lets on, so I'm pretty sure he'd notice if I stopped.

 

DS 14 accepts hugs and hugs back--sometimes out of the blue.

 

DD 11 is not super snuggly, but still accepts and hugs back.

 

DS 8 is still a snuggler. I snuggle him as much as I can get away with because he is so like the oldest, I figure my days snuggling him may be numbered.

 

ETA: All are/were homeschooled.

[Tree House Academy]

My almost teenager HATES to hug and always has. He is very awkward in the way he shows affection and it seems to be part of his anxiety disorder.

 

My 8 year old, however, will probably be a hugger for life. He has always been OVERLY affectionate and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I only chose my answer based on my current 12.5 year old, though. But, like I said, he has never liked to hug or be affectionate with people...from the time he was very, very small (like 1.5 yrs old!).

[pdalley]

My mother was a touch me not. My grandmother is a hugger and a cuddler.

 

I took after my grandmother and the boys are very huggy for the most part at 15 (the huggiest), 12 and 10. They are as huggy at home as they were in public school.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I can't vote.

 

 

So, I didn't vote.

 

 

Well, I almost didn't do a poll...now I realize my first thought that there were too many variables was accurate.

 

My friend speculated that her dc might be more affectionate if they were home all the time; if they were away from "negative influences of their peers" (her words, not mine). Seems, from those that have answered, that it really has more to do with personality\temperment.

 

I'm glad to hear of so many huggy dc though!:D

[NotAVampireLvr]

We're a super affectionate family. I have 1 DC who is less affectionate then the other two, but this one is also the most likely to climb into our bed at night or curl up next to us on the couch. I think some kids just have different comfort levels. DH and I hug multiple times a day and kiss each other often so its "normal" here.

 

I didn't vote because I don't have teens.

[MamaT]

We hug each other several times a day, sometimes initiated by me and sometimes the kids. My boys are actually much more affectionate than my girls, but everyone gets hugs every day. They are all hs, but I don't really think that has a lot to do with it. We are just an affectionate bunch!

[Mona100]

Before my daughter was homeschooled, she was pulled in the middle of 8th grade, she rarely if ever hugged me. Now, at home she hugs me all the time. Sometimes, she will ever let me hold her hand while we watch tv but never for a really long time usually just a good squeeze. So, in this household, homeschooling made the difference.

[besroma]

We have five children who are homeschooled and one in public high school (not our choice). The eldest son was homeschooled from age 4 to 13. He is still very affectionate, "cuddly," and loves to give and receive hugs.

 

I think the level of comfort comes from within the family, with schooling having no impact in most cases.

[Donna]

I hug my boys before bed every night and snuggle them for a bit. I also hug them now and then during the day when they need it or I just feel like it. My oldest will come over for a hug after every high school wrestling match he wrestles whether he wins or loses.

 

They have been attending ps for the past 3 years.

[Mommyof4ks]

My dd will be 12 in two days, and she still gives me hugs often, but she no longer wants kisses. I was still kissing my dad at 15 while in ps, and that was less than 20 years ago. Maybe things have changed?

[Renee in NC]

I hug my teens and they hug me. This is true for my hs teen and my oldest who was always in PS.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I don't have teens, yet, but I have a 13 yr. old goddaughter that is hugged daily by her parents, and by me several times a day when I get to spend time with her. She goes to public school.

 

I have a 15 yr. old nephew and 18 yr. old niece who are both hugged and kissed by their parents daily, and they both give me and all my family hugs and kisses when we get together. They both have gone to public school their whole lives.

[HappyCrazyMama]

Occasionally or only for special occasion...homeschool

...but I'm not a hugger myself. I don't mind hugging family members, my mom after a visit for example, I cringe when acquaintances want a hug. My teens hug me on my birthday, Mother's Day, or if any of us will be gone for more than a couple of days, that type of thing. My younger children are hugged more often, usually daily and more than once.:)

[posybuddy]

We're pretty demonstrative here, too, and my boys still initiate plenty of hugging and couch-snuggling, but when we're out in public they are much more self-conscious about it (15 yo especially), so I respect that and keep to myself, or to fist-bump kind of stuff.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

We hug SEVERAL times a day. Sometimes he initiates, sometimes I do. I get at least 3 or 4 hugs a day. My son is almost 19. He was homeschooled.

 

We're super duper affectionate. Everyone in this house (including the dog) gets an "I love you" 3 or 4 or 100 times a day. :001_smile:

Edited February 14, 2012 by TejasMamacita

[Tap]

Other...my kids have attended public, private and homeschool they all get hugs or hug me daily.

 

Even my ds17 a sophomore in college, still comes up and hugs me almost daily.

[Unicorn.]

Other...my kids have attended public, private and homeschool they all get hugs or hug me daily.

 

Even my ds17 a sophomore in college, still comes up and hugs me almost daily.

 

Here too (except for having a college kid). My ds is 15 (currently in ps) and dds are 13 (currently homeschooled). They all give and get hugs daily!

 

Oh, and they all still curl up on the couch w/ me, and use me for a pillow too.

[JennifersLost]

I have to initiate the hugs with my oldest two - ds's 18 and 16, but they don't reject them.

 

Ds 14 will hug me spontaneously, and sort of comes my way and bumps into me if he wants me to hug him. :)

 

Dd 10 wants hugs/kisses/I love you's constantly.

 

The joke with the three boys is that I call out, "I love you" to them all the time and they say, "uh huh." Since I know they won't say it back, I do voices for them and say all kinds of funny things...."I love you, too, Mom - you're the best Mom on Earth!" and so on. They cringe.

 

I do try to remember to hug even the non-huggers pretty regularly although it is a bit deflating. I figure they like it even if they can't show it.

[PinkInTheBlue]

My teen boys hug me often every day. I hug them often and every day. :) They are awesome!

[Retired]

I hug and tell my kids I love you at a minimum of once a day (cause i work 12 hour shifts) and when I'm at home it several times a day,

 

oh and my boys like to pick-me up and give me hug. It seems like yesterday I was the one caring them around.

 

Oh and I'm 5'3" and both of my boys are 6'2" They love to carry me around so they can here my squeals to be let down. :D

 

we are very affectioned and we home school

 

But I seriously don't think that homeschooling or not makes a close family its all about the personalities.

 

Both of my parents came from homes with physical abuse, I was never hugged or told they love me until I was adult. They had by then gotten some therapy:tongue_smilie:

 

I just knew when my boys were born they would never wonder if they were loved. We show and say it often and my dh is also physically and verbally affectioned with the boys even if they are bigger than him;)

[KidsHappen]

Occassionally and for no special reason (previously homeschooled now public schooled) was not a choice but that would be the case for us. Teens under 16 get hugs more often whereas older teens just usually when someone is coming or going somewhere or for some special reason. Older teens get their touch needs met by their SOs but sometimes we do have group family hugs.

[2squared]

She's ALL about the personal space and can be introverted.

 

This describes me. My kids are always climbing all over me and touching me, and my toddler still nurses. It's nearly more than I can bear. By the end of the day I am completely touched out. I have to "make" myself give physical attention to the kids, because it's honestly not easy for me. Sitting near each other, wrestling, and playing is easy. Just touching to touch is veeerrrryyy difficult.

[Starr]

I think the poll has more homeschooler huggers because it's a homeschool board. Our public school friends hug their teens.

[Night Elf]

I had to say often/we homeschool but actually my oldest dd didn't start homeschooling until she was 16 and she has always been very affectionate. She's 19 now and curls up next to me on the sofa. She even sits on my lap sometimes!

 

I went to ps and I was always very affectionate with my mom. We're just 'huggy' kind of people I guess.

[Heather in Neverland]

We are HUGE huggers in this family. My boys crawl in bed with us for stories and prayers and hugs every night before going off to their own beds. We hug and cuddle while watching movies. We walk with arms linked. etc.

 

Interestingly, none of us like to be hugged by anyone but our immediate family. I didn't even have a receiving line at my wedding because i didn't want people hugging me. :tongue_smilie: