I think it's one of those things that is going to push people's buttons no matter what, because we all have different ideas about what is a need and what is a want, and when it's okay to ask for money and when it isn't. I fall into the "never ask for money" camp. But I got a gofundme email from a friend who thought it was perfectly fine to ask me to donate so she could attend an out of town wedding. I simply didn't answer it; my personal belief is that I would never ask a casual friend for a donation for that kind of expense. (I'd like to have seen my nephew graduate across the country, but I didn't hit up anyone for money) BUT some of her circle of friends might operate like this all the time. So I think the take-away is to just ignore it if you don't like it. And if you use it, know that you may possibly offend someone.

What's wrong with working for five years and then going to school when you're 23? At that point you are considered an adult and you can get your own financial aid. Meanwhile, you can work a few jobs and find out what you actually want to do with your life. Considering how long we all live these days, that five years is a flash in a pan. A kid this spoiled rotten isn't going to get a darn thing out of college right now anyway, and I doubt she's getting anything out of high school, either. She can take some time to grow up, live entirely by her own rules now that she's out from under her tyrannical parents and when she's 23 she'll probably get a free ride (since I imagine a little princess like that won't actually work very much or make any money). If I were her parents I wouldn't give a darn what the court said. She wouldn't see a dime and I'd bankrupt the rest of us just to make the point.

Oh, gosh, Rose - I think about you guys a lot. You are definitely in my prayers and good thoughts. So glad you guys have another chance in court coming up. Isn't raising teenagers grand? I know that feeling when your life suddenly feels like Jerry Springer show.... I hope things look up.

Thank so much and keep it coming. I want to get started right away so we don't "waste" it. I'm in Canada - is there anything special I need to know?

Edited: I originally started this thread as a "How should I Use Prime?" thread after my son gave me Amazon Prime for Christmas. Then I went onto Amazon this afternoon and found out it doesn't even work for me. I live in Canada. So does my son. Why would the site even allow him to purchase a service that can't be used on our country? So I checked out Amazon Prime on Amazon.ca which is completely stripped of any usefulness. No movies or tv shows, no free lends on books. But it still had the two-day shipping option so I thought I'd try to get my membership switched. Nope. No can do. My only recourse was getting the membership cancelled and refunded. Except that I didn't order it - my son did. And they couldn't even figure out who he was or how to refund the money to him. I spent over an hour in online chat and got nowhere. They finally told me my son would have to log in and cancel the gift. What do you bet that when he tries that he won't be allowed to since I already accepted and started the membership???? I am soooo frustrated. I have to wait for my son to get home to do his part. I hope it goes smoothly. If he has to fight it out with customer service as well I will be very angry. Rant over.

Thinking of you, Rose - hope things smooth out for you guys. Lots of hugs - this isn't about "fault"; this is about what do you do today. Or what does he do today. Ultimately, it is his life.

Thank you for all the sympathy and support! I swear, I have never come on here asking for "prayers" and not had it work out in the end. We didn't make a big fuss today, since it is Christmas. He came over on time, and has been a joy to be around. The day has gone smoothly. Dh told me he will have a "word" with son on the way home tonight to let him know NOT to do that again. Seriously, as I was getting up and dressed this morning I nearly threw up I was so worried. I think tonight when everyone goes home I will have a good cry, LOL.

Argh - found him! In bed. With a cold. He "figured I would call" and then he'd tell me he wasn't coming to dinner. Was too sniffly to make the call himself. Or answer emails, or.... Would it be bad to hit your kid with a 2 x 4 on Christmas morning????? I barely slept last night!!!!

Still nothing. It's only 8:30 am here so we're waiting a bit longer, then dh will go and ask the building manager to open his door if he doesn't answer it. I'm about to start calling him every five minutes. I've held off in deference to 20 year old sleep patterns. I've asked one of my other sons to start asking around online to his friends to see if he can locate him. We're all supposed to get together at 11 am for brunch and presents. I'm still sure this will work out fine and am also still totally panicking. Time to put on my happy face and stuff the turkey so the littlest one doesn't panic, too. Thanks for the prayers - they are appreciated.

I don't want to say "missing" because I don't want to over-dramatize, but I saw him last night - we went last minute CHristmas shopping together - and he was in a good mood. I asked him to come to dinner tonight (Christmas Eve dinner) and he said yes. Then he didn't answer emails or his phone all day. I've emailed repeatedly asking him to just drop me a line and tell me everything is okay. So far nothing. He's 20 and has been on his own for over a year. We don't micro-manage his life, but this is weird behavior. I'm mostly posting because I feel like if I say something publicly (here) it will turn out to be no big deal, you know? It is really creeping me out right now. It's 1:30 am on Christmas. He hasn't emailed yet. Where the heck could he be and why would he blow us off? Prayers would be lovely. I'm sure it's just a 20-year-old boy being a 20-year-old boy...but I'm spooked.

Abandonment is huge and real. The only good treatment of this I've ever read is actually in a marriage counseling book called Getting the Love You Need. THat author expresses the fact that things that happen to us even in really early times can have a HUGE affect on us. The fact that this child lost both mother and siblings in one shot is big, big, big. Is he seeing a family counselor or a psychiatrist? A family counselor might be more helpful because of their "bigger picture" viewpoint. The upshot is that one of the things the kid will do is test to see if other people will abandon him. In other words, he will act out in ways almost guaranteed to make people abandon him to relive his fear. What he needs from you, from his father and anyone else around who possibly can is stability. That doesn't mean you put up with bad behavior. Absolutely not. But you stand by him and love him as best you can, and reiterate that love as much as you can. His father needs to know that sticking by his rules - even if that means the child has to live elsewhere - in the end is best for everyone. That may sound contradictory, but it isn't. His father needs to have firm rules and expectations expressed through love and consistency. If at all possible, the Dad needs to keep the door open - if not for a return, than for reuniting in a different way. This is a pattern that can repeat through generations if not healed. An abandoned child will abandon their own kids - not meaning to, of course.... I hope all of you get the help and support you need and it is terrific that you are there to help. Sometimes families need a little space to come together again more strongly.

I believe Amazon made this available to every author who had qualified books; you just have to choose to opt in. So when an author or publisher adds a new book to the catalog they can choose to opt in, and you can go back and opt in for books that are already published. I imagine what you'll find is more new books coming online with Matchbook activated. And probably the big publishers will take months to figure it out, like usual. :) I think it's tough for them to adopt new technologies and sales options than it is for smaller ones.

It's interesting to see this from readers' points of views. There's been a lot of discussion about it on the author boards I frequent. Most authors I know are opting in for their books, and most are choosing to make the ebook free, (that's what I'm doing) although some are choosing 99 cents because they think customers can buy a paper copy for a friend and keep the ebook for themselves. Since I hang with romance authors and we tend to publish ourselves, it's easy for us to opt in to the program. It's a whole different matter for big publishers to do so with their books - they might need to redo contracts over it, so I can see why it will take time for Matchbook to become a big program, but I bet by this time next year it'll be a given with most books; it just makes sense.

Interesting answers! As I edited to say above, the comment about the concert/plays was because she knew that sitting on the aisle toward the back is something I do in those situations because I find them really stressful. I have to admit when she said that I hoped she was right and there were tons of other stressed out people sitting on the aisles for the same reason, but I guess not! :) While I find that people on forums talk about anxiety, I don't find that people in real life do, so I feel very strange about my own anxiety issues, which are most like Cindy in FL above. I've dealt with anxiety all of my life, but only learned in the last few years that's what it was. I spent years trying elimination diets, blaming perfume and other things for the reactions I got in crowded places, etc., and then finally realized that wasn't it. It was the crowds themselves. Probably the hardest part about it for me was that I don't feel afraid of any of the situations that I react to. In other words, the idea of a crowd does not scare me, nor does being outside, nor do airplanes or dentists....but when I'm in those situations my body's reaction is overwhelming. I think Cindy summed it up well. I don't like to be in any situation I can't get myself out of--immediately--if I start to feel bad. While several people commented that people who disliked crowds could easily avoid concerts, etc., that has never been my situation, because my children are in concerts (or other family members or friends), or friends invite me, or my parents insist that I go, or....you get the picture. Plus, I love concerts, plays and movies, so it's sad not to go. In other words, to me, the consequence of saying no is just as hard to bear as the consequence of going. I have to assume that's the same for many other people.

Someone in the counseling trade commented to me last week, "You wouldn't believe how many people struggle with anxiety. Just go to any play or concert and look at all the people sitting on the aisle in the back." Her comment stuck with me. How many people do suffer anxiety? How severe is it? Obviously this is a really informal poll, but I'm curious because anxiety runs in my family with sometimes uncomfortable results. Try to pick the answer that's closest and feel free to comment on particulars. Is anxiety really that prevalent? Edited to add "other" choice to section one!!!! Also edited to add: the comment about plays and concerts was in context with a conversation we were having about me feeling anxious at plays and concerts....maybe she was just trying to make me feel better, LOL?

I'm an author. I started by writing young adult fiction, didn't get anywhere with that, so moved over to romance novels because I really wanted to be published. I published a novella with an established epublisher and ended up really frustrated with not having control over my work, so after a break (I got into audio book publishing for 3 years) I decided to "go for it" this year. I've published three western romance novels this year through my own imprint (ebook, print, and audio books for two of them) and have sold over 10,000 copies in the last six months. I publish my ebooks through KDP (Amazon's Kindle program) and use Smashwords to get them in B&N, Apple iStore, KOBO, etc. I use CreateSpace to sell my print books through Amazon. You can see my books at www.coraseton.com. If you are dedicated you can do it all yourself. If you want more support, then go the traditional publisher venue. Personally, I can't imagine going through a "regular" publisher ever again. I'm way too much of a control freak. When I began, I wrote whenever I could and would set a timer for 15 minutes, just to get some words down on the page. Now writing is my full time job. Good luck with your journey - hope it works for you!

Regentrude gives good advice, but I'll admit that I tell my daughter she's beautiful constantly and always have. As someone who never was told that she was attractive in any way (and felt like a total loser into adulthood), I think words of praise are crucial. I try to tell my sons how handsome they are, too, and honestly I've never given anyone a compliment without seeing them react visibly - I don't quite know how to put it in words. I think we're all hungry to know that we're worthy; in our looks, in what we do, in how we are... I've seen my daughter grow up fairly confident. While I was worried about boys and whether or not they "liked" me by the time I was in third grade, she walks tall and proud and fearlessly through life. She has a very "safe" crush on an appropriate boy that goes absolutely nowhere, and meanwhile her time is spent with her crafts, music, friends and sports. (she's twelve by the way) I am glad that she has a sport and a solid group of friends. We've always been able to speak with humor about her clothes--what's appropriate, what's not, and how to look pretty without looking sleazy. So far, so good! I don't belittle her when she spends time fussing with her hair and I do what I can to help her pick attractive clothes and look neat and clean. I still have memories of my thirteenth or fourteenth birthday when my grandfather told me I was a pretty girl. I almost cried. No one had ever said so before--certainly not my mother--and I already knew I wasn't "popular" at school. I remember thinking that he was the only one who could really "see" me and everyone else was blind to me. It would not have spoiled me or hurt my self-esteem one bit for a few more grownups in my life to tell me I was beautiful. Just my two cents.

Freihofer's Louisiana Ring. It was a kind of coffee cake/cake thing with powdered sugar on top. They discontinued it when Entenmann's bought them up. After all these years I still wish I could get it.

Yeah - and then there needs to be one for landlords so they can pass around info about tenants. Save everyone a huge hassle. I'm not even trying to be snarky; I think the info on both sides should be available. If none of the horrible tenants got rentals, and none of the horrible landlords got tenants, maybe the good tenants and landlords could find each other.

Just want to put in a plug for doing this - my first Nano was a total fail, but my second Nano attempt was successful and turned into my first published novel. Learning to produce 1700 words a day, every day, also vaulted me from being a hobby writer to a committed writer. Fast forward a few years (I took a detour into audio book publishing for 3 - 4 years), I am now a full time author, make my income as a writer, and I've written 5 and 1/2 50,000 word novels this year. When I sit down these days to write, I do 5,000 words a day, and bang out a first draft in 14 days. That used to be an unbelievable number to me. Now I can generally get it done before lunch. Nanowrimo is such good practice for anyone who wants to get serious about writing! It can really lead to great things!

It's not selfish at all; it's real. No one is happy being just one thing. If your kids are small, then start small. You're on the right track; pick a hobby, take a class, do a "group". And be prepared to try a bunch of things before you hit on the thing that sticks. Think of it this way: whatever you allow yourself to do you are also giving your kids permission to do when they are adults. So if you are a mom who has terrific hobbies and a fantastic social life, then you are allowing your kids to be great parents who have hobbies and social lives. Kids and family don't always come first. THey're just part of the big picture.

How's this for a creative solution. For one month don't say a word about practice times, but begin to ask her to play "for you" at a time you'd prefer. Can you move her keyboard near the kitchen so she can play while you cook dinner? She might complain, pretend not to care, pretend it's a huge hassle to play "for you" or all kinds of other things, but I bet over time it solves the problem without you ever having to talk about not practicing at night. With all this late night behavior that gets a rise out of you, I think the step-kids may have figured a failproof way to get attention AND cause a rift between you and your hubby. These kinds of triangles - kid/mom/dad - victim/bad-guy/savior - are classic (and anyone can occupy any position). The only way out of the triangle is to do something completely different and unexpected (usually simply not playing your "role").

I haven't found it that onerous so far, but maybe your situation is different. I do all my taxes myself. I'm self-employed with income from several streams and my husband is self-employed, too, so our tax returns are fairly complex. I just follow all the directions step by step. Then once I've done my canadian ones, I do my US forms, starting at the beginning and filling them in all the way, too. At the end I fill in a few extra forms to show that I've paid my self-employment taxes here and am contributing to the Canadian Pension Plan. I put a photocopy of the form from the Canadian government that says I contribute to CPP in as well, and voila - no US taxes. The one irritating thing is that every year the IRS pretends they don't have my form on file that says I'm paying into CPP. So they send me a bill for the taxes I "owe" and I call them up and tell them, "Look in my account; you have the paperwork." They do that and say, "Oh yes, we have it here." and I tell them, "I'll talk to you next year!" And that's that. Now if you give up citizenship solely to get out of paying taxes, then you're in trouble. The US will go after you for a large sum of money. I think it's one of those situations where you have to stay calm and walk through the hoops. If I were your husband, I'd find a new accountant.

I agree with another poster that it is eye-opening about the pregnancy deaths. I mean, we all know the statistics from the past, but it's another thing to look around and realize the truth of what that was like for people.

Two of my kids would have killed me. Pneumonia at about 30 would have (and came close to) killing me. After that pneumonia bout, which went on for 30 days with me getting sicker and sicker until every breath hurt and I was consuming about a quarter of a sandwich per day, I totally had a whole new appreciation for those long lingering deaths young people used to have in novels. That was terrifying. The first batch of antibiotics didn't work at all and there was no family around/no one to take me to the doctor. I finally realized I wasn't going to make it and dragged myself and three little kids to the doctor myself, and burst into tears when he asked me what was wrong. I could barely breathe, barely walk, was so dizzy and just didn't know how I was going to do another day. When the doctor checked my chart he nearly had a heart attack. Turned out the previous dr had prescribed antibiotics that hadn't been effective in over a decade!