Too young to marry? How 'young' were you?

[happypamama]

I was just over 21 when we got married, DH just over 23. We're successfully married thus far (celebrated 13 years in August). The only reason we didn't get married sooner was because we had no way to support ourselves; we'd have gotten married at 18 and 20 if we could have. (By the time we got married, we'd been together almost 7 years. Shoot, if we'd met when we were older, we totally would have wanted to get married on the first date -- that's how sure we were!)

 

My parents were 20 and 23 when they got married, and they've been married 36 years; they'd only known each other for a couple of years before they got married, but obviously it's worked for them. My ILs got married at 21 and 24 and have been married 40 years. My brother was almost 22 when he got married, but his wife was only 19, and they'd been together, IIRC, five years. They just celebrated their tenth anniversary.

 

I know way too many people who have gotten divorced in the past few years, regardless of their ages. I don't think age has a lot to do with it, nor even maturity.

[Lolly]

Well, the few couples I know who married very young have a lower divorce rate than the ones I know who married at average or older ages. (Totally means nothing of course._):lol:

 

I wouldn't be upset if my kids wanted to marry young if they seemed compatible and devoted. I wonder if the statistics for young marriage are dismal because these kids are often tossed out of the family support system. If mine were to decide to marry young, I would still provide everything that I would if they were living with a roommate. I would encourage them to continue their education (which I do plan to pay for and still would). I would fork up half of their rent. All in all, I would make it as easy as possible for them to succeed. Of course, if they were going to just be tossed out on their own at 18, I would go ahead and do that too.:tongue_smilie: They would be facing rough times then, married or not!

[Daisy]

I was 21 and I've been married for 16+ years.

 

My sister was 17 and she's been married for 20+ years.

 

My parents were 18yo and have been married for 40+ years.

[nukeswife]

When DH and I got married I was just shy of a month away from my 23rd birthday and he was 24 (turned 25 a few months after we married), but we'd only known each other 4 months and had only been physically in the same state for 10 days of those 4 months.

 

I'm actually surprised that the military aspect of it isn't more of the issue than the age, as far as the comments you're getting. Being a military spouse is hard work. Dh and I have been married 14.5 years and he's just about to go out for his 7th deployment. I'm a single parent a good amount of time, in 2010 my dh was home for exactly 96 days because of deployment and time out at sea getting ready for deployment.

 

If you're daughter is a strong, independent, not afraid to do her own thing while he's gone, kind of gal I think she'll be just fine. Now if she's not one to enjoy being alone etc, it might be tough for her unless she's outgoing and not afraid to jump right in to a new community and make friends.

[LostSurprise]

My parents married very young (18). My mother drilled into me for years that it's a mistake to marry that young because it was insanely hard. Her and my dad were married until she passed away a few years ago and they had a good marriage so it obviously worked out. They did admit it was hard.

 

:iagree:

 

This exactly, except every aunt and grandmother I had took me aside at 16 and told me to take my time. Every one of them had married early (17-20) and most had rocky marriages or divorces. My own parents separated for a time and worked through it.

 

I made my dh wait. He was probably ready 3 months in. I was ready after 2.5 years. I don't criticize young marriage, but I think 17-22 is a period with a crazy amount of personal growth (at least in our society) and you will probably 'grow up together.' That can be very hard, and if both spouses aren't committed it can be fatal to the marriage.

[bettyandbob]

I was 25 and have been married 20 years.

 

However, my dh and his wife were 19 and have been married for 30 years.

 

ETA: marriage did not halt education or career plans. Db has a BS, MS and JD and his wife has a BA and JD. They did delay having children until they had been married 7 years.

Edited December 5, 2011 by betty

[Munchkins_mama]

I think that the family dynamics have a lot to do with the success of a young marriage. If the family values career and life experience, the young people will be more likely to feel trapped in a marriage if they haven't 'seen the world'. If a family values family and children more, then the young people are probably mature enough and know what is expected enough at the age of 18.

 

I've been flamed many times from my more liberal friends for the thought that my girls will probably not go to college. THey will probably get married right out of HS and start a family. That is what people do in my family. It's not a pressure thing, it's just the way it is. I will encourage them to get a skill though. Even prepared 'kids' can make stupid decisions.

[arliemaria]

I was 20 and dh 21. Been together 10 years, married almost 8.

[BigMamaBird]

I met my dh when I was 15 and we knew we'd be married at about 17 or 18. But I solidly was going to wait till I finished college to get married. So the day after my Graduation Open House, I took some of the money I'd been given and put a down payment on our reception hall! One year later we were married, I was 21 and he was 23, it's been 11 years. Looking back, I was pretty young, but I felt all grown at the time.

 

18 does seem young to me, I personally wouldn't have been ready. But if someone wants to get married that young, the couple can take care of themselves and live independently and are prepared to care for any children that may come along, I don't see it as any of my business.

[missmoe]

I was 19. My husband had just turned 20. We've been married 20 years. We had lots of nay-sayers. Lots of people choose not to come to our wedding either. Be happy for the couple! Things are more likely to work out for them, if they have lots of support from family and friends.

[Susann]

I was 30, dh was 31 & we got married on the 10 year anniversary of our first date. We were repeatedly told we were set in our ways & would be divorced in a couple of years! We've been marrried 23 years & together 33 years. I truly consider myself blessed! We have repeatedly told dds we did what was right for US. We don't expect them to wait as long as we did. We would like them to graduate college & live on their own for at least a year before marrying. That said, we would never oppose them if they felt they were ready earlier. I have faith that they are intelligent & mature enough to decide for themselves.

[ForeverFamily]

I got married at 18, about 3 months after graduating from High school. A lot of people had the same comments about us. Things like.... it would never work, and that we were being irresponsible. We have now been happily married for 7 years!:D I think it is just a matter of when you find the right one, you find the right one, and nothing can change that. KWIM!

 

That said I don't think getting married at 18 is for everyone. I think it just depends on how mature they are and the quality of the relationship. Best wishes to you and your daughter!!!

[astrid]

I was 26, dh was 28 when we got married. I still wished I had waited a couple more years.

 

I personally would do everything in my power to discourage any of my children from getting married so young although I realize that by 18 they no longer need my permission.

 

I realize that there are many people, especially on a board like this, who married quite young and are perfectly happy. I'm thrilled for you, really. No snark. But, that's not what I want for my children at all.

 

I'd much prefer them to sow their wild oats (carefully and with maturity!) and marry when they're older, so to speak, than to wait for marriage and marry young.

 

I agree. Working in the field of adult education, I see all too often the results of very young marriages.

 

astrid

[littlebug42]

I was 28. My brother was 18 when he got married and they just celebrated their 29th anniversary. I would say it would depend on the individual as to whether or not it was successful. I would prefer the road my brother took to my own. I sowed many wild oats and regret a lot of it.

[waa510]

I got married at 20, just a month shy of my college graduation. DH was 22 and in the military at the time. We both graduated, have 2 kids and are very happily married. I had to get parental permission to marry in Augusta, GA b/c I was under 21. Please try to shield the couple from these awful comments about their upcoming marriage. Guests at our wedding reception were taking bets for money on how many years we would last before divorcing:glare:. It hurt...a lot. We will be married 6 yrs in March.

[astrid]

IMO, that's too young. I have at least a couple of handfuls of friends and family who regret marrying so young. I can only count a couple who married young and are still married.

 

I think the "waiting for marriage" part is detrimental to many a young person's decision making processes. It is probably pushing them to marry faster than they know is practical and optimal. It's a fact of life that lust can rule your decisions even when you think you're smarter than that.

 

Bottom line: If it were my kid, and they asked what I thought, I'd be honest tell them it's a dumb idea to marry so young, that I think they should move in together and give the relationship a test drive, but that in the end, that is their decision to make. Then, I'd shut up and never mention it again. It's not my life to live.

 

Yes, this, exactly.

And for some reason, the lyrics to "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by the Beach Boys just popped into my head:

 

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older

Then we wouldn't have to wait so long

And wouldn't it be nice to live together

In the kind of world where we belong

 

You know its gonna make it that much better

When we can say goodnight and stay together

 

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up

In the morning when the day is new

And after having spent the day together

Hold each other close the whole night through

 

Happy times together we've been spending

I wish that every kiss was neverending

Wouldn't it be nice

 

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true

Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do

We could be married

And then we'd be happy

 

Wouldn't it be nice

 

You know it seems the more we talk about it

It only makes it worse to live without it

But lets talk about it

Wouldn't it be nice

 

Good night my baby

Sleep tight my baby

[oldskool]

I was 19 and dh 32. We have been married 17 years. I would say that having family support (financial and emotional) during hard times was the key to us making it.

 

Lesley

[DesertDweller]

I was twenty. Dh was nineteen. We actually waited two years before getting married. We just celebrated our 28th year anniversary.

 

I'm sure my parents weren't happy although they never came out and said anything. Dh's parents thought we should have already gotten married.

 

Ds got married when he was twenty. Dil was twenty-one. They dated for five years, both had good jobs, bought a house, and were going to school.

 

I think a lot depends on maturity and, hopefully, having the ability to live independently. I think it's also important to make sure the couple has some idea of what their expectations are over the first five years or so especially when it comes to children, jobs, and continuing education.

[G5052]

We've told ours all along that we want them to have at least two years of college or trade education under their belts.

[Murphy101]

Engaged at 16, married at 19.

Next month will make 19 years of marriage for us.

 

I'd tell the naysayers they are adults and in love. Thus the only helpful thing you can do is encourage them to be steadfast and welcome the new family member with open arms. Anything else would only add unnecessary hardship to the start of their marriage.

[Angel]

Turned 18 in May and got married in August. Dh was 20. We've been married 21 years. We've certainly had our ups and downs but we have been committed to making it work.

 

Do I look at kids getting married at the same age we were and go "Holy Cow, they're young! Were we that young?" Yep :D But I'm certainly not against it.

[Kertie]

 

I'd also like to know what to say to these naysayers.

 

I would just tell them that it is not one's age that destroys a marriage.

[elinnea]

Married when we were both 20 and divorced after three years. I wish I'd waited longer. IMO people change so much in their early 20s. Ex-h and I met when we were 17 and had a ton in common but by the time we were divorced our lives were headed in opposite directions and we had different goals and values.

 

I married the second time at 26 and dh is 4 months older. We've been married for 14 years now. For me 26 was a good age but dh probably could have waited a few years. He's from another country and lived at home until we married. His parents didn't see him as an adult until much later and consequently he also didn't feel very mature until his 30's.

[AStableBeginning]

I was 19 when we got married, my Navy husband was 23. Fourteen years and 5 kids later we are still going strong!

[ktgrok]

I got married the first time at 21, and although i was totally ready my ex was not. I should have realized.....we had been engaged for years and he kept postponing the wedding until I got pregnant and he felt he couldn't anymore. Everyone but me knew he wasn't marriage material. heck, I knew too but i was pregnant and thought it was the right thing. More important than age would have been listening to others give me advice on him.

 

I divorced many years later and 5 minutes after meeting my dh I knew we would be married.

[BatmansWife]

I was engaged when I was still in high school. I still remember everyone wanting to see my engagement ring.

 

I met dh when I was 15 and he was 19. I wasn't engaged until I was a senior and was 17. I graduated in June, turned 18 in July, and got married in October. That was 26 years ago.

 

For the record....we had waited too.

[GWOB]

I was 19 and dh was 22 when we got married. We didn't plan on getting married right away, but, ahem, certain circumstances;) caused us to speed up the process. We were both in the Navy, so we both had a great deal of maturity. My Dad said if we lasted 4 years he would personally kiss my dh's a$$. It will be 12 years in Feb.:001_wub:

 

 

She will not be the only young military wife. Most of our friends got married around the same age. Most of them are still married. It won't be an easy life, but there will be others like her. She will likely meet the best friends she could ever ask for. Just support her and make sure she understands that married life, especially military married life, is a LOT of hard work.

[golfcartmama]

I'd just encourage them to get premarital counseling to go over things like money handling, debt, children (when to start, how many), disciplining children, education, religion, how to handle disagreements, etc.

[Cera]

Married at 19 (he was 24) and recently divorced after 11 years of marriage. I will strongly suggest that my daughters wait to get married until they have completed college (or established a career) and lived alone (in their own apartment/house not a dorm room) for at least a little while. I will also suggest they make sure the man they are marrying has done the same.

 

I was in college and he was a college grad but the real world is very different than the "supported by your parents and school" world. We talked a lot and had the same expectations/future goals but once we were on our own grew in opposite directions in a lot of ways. I would have left long before I did if I wasn't married and I do regret all the opportunities I gave up to try to make it work with him (though I am very glad I have my children).

[Leav97]

My Dad said if we lasted 4 years he would personally kiss my dh's a$$. It will be 12 years in Feb.:001_wub:

 

 

Did you hold him to it?

[BethG]

24

[Desert Rat]

I married at 23 which was considered young. Dh was 21 (by 2 weeks). We have been married 17 years.

My mom and dad got married when he was 22 and Mom had been 18 for 2.5 months. They have been married 41 years.

I do think we're exceptions. Are friends who married around the same time and age as we were all made it less than 5 years. I think it has to do more with personally than age, IMHO.

[Jenny in Atl]

We've been together since I was 18 and he was 17... got married at 25 and 24. Just lived in sin for a while... :D

It's been 28 years.

[KungFuPanda]

Met DH at 18. Married at 21. Just celebrated our 18th anniversary.

 

So that makes me 25 if you fudge the numbers :-)

[higginszoo]

Met DH at 18. Married at 21. Just celebrated our 18th anniversary.

 

So that makes me 25 if you fudge the numbers :-)

LOL I'm the same age ... I like the way you do math.

[Mommie_Jen]

I was 20 and DH was 18, out of high school for 6 months. We originally planned on waiting to get married for another year or two, but he was accepted into a highly sought after trade school way out across the country. He was taking either his wife or his mom, and she wasn't going! :) We were engaged for 1 1/2 years.

 

Both of us will tell you that we were young and stupid. It was hard. HARD growing up together. The first few years were But we did what we had to do to make it work, and here we are 14 years later!

[scrappyhappymama]

I don't criticize young marriage, but I think 17-22 is a period with a crazy amount of personal growth (at least in our society) and you will probably 'grow up together.' That can be very hard, and if both spouses aren't committed it can be fatal to the marriage.

 

:iagree:

 

I got married at 18 and my husband was 22 and in the Navy. I had already been away at college for a year, so I didn't feel as young as I was. :lol: We've been married nearly 20 year now. My parents married at 17 and 18 and have been married 40 years.

 

However, I certainly know just as many couples, if not more, who married young and are no longer married. As I quoted above and fully agree with, being married in your early 20s is HARD! My husband likes to joke that he'd never leave me and marry a younger woman because raising one wife was hard enough. Haha. Of course, living with a young man while he makes that transition from video game playing, car speaker buying, paycheck blowing guy to a responsible family man and provider is no picnic either! If I were counseling a young person or my own child contemplating marriage, I'd definitely focus on whether they are willing and ready to be responsible and unselfish and accommodating. It's not just about always having someone to fall asleep with at night or playing house. ;)

 

As far as the comments go, I think that's a losing battle. People were generally supportive of our getting married, but MANY assumed I must be pregnant. Several, upon finding out I was not in fact pregnant, proceeded to then give me a piece of their mind about how foolish I was being for marrying so young.

[~Tara~]

Married at 20, hub was 21.

We had known each other 10 months at that point. We've been married 16 years now.

:)

 

I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

[Veritaserum]

It really, really depends on the person more than the age. I know people in their 30s and 40s who are not mature enough for marriage. ;)

 

I got married two weeks past my 19th birthday. I was a sophomore in college. I was independent. I knew what I wanted, so I grabbed it when I found it (dh). Dh is four years older. We met when I was a 17yo freshman, but we didn't date until the next year. Dh didn't want to date a 17yo. :tongue_smilie:

 

19 is very young, but I do not regret getting married when I did. We'll celebrate 13 years in February. People (*cough*dh's family*cough*) didn't think it would last, but they were wrong.

 

I think I will have a minor heart attack if my dds marry that young, but I will bite my tongue. My goal is to instill independence and logical thinking skills before they leave home at 18. Hopefully that will prevent poor relationship decisions. :)

[Starr]

I found the first few years of marriage to be hard and I was really old. I'm not so sure waiting means people are maturing. Give them room to grow and the support you would give them if they were single.

[MamaSheep]

I was 24 and dh was 25, and we've been married 15 years, and going strong. I'd have been happy to have married younger had I found the right man. My parents and 5 of my siblings (the other one is still unmarried) married younger than that and have had happy, successful marriages. One of my SILs was married to my brother on her 18th birthday, oh...six or eight years ago(? I forget) and are still so cute and in love and have four adorable kids. I think it's great to get started on real life as soon as you're ready and not put off the truly good, meaningful stuff of life. I think it's great to have your kids while you're still young and energetic enough to chase them around. But only if you're really ready for the responsibility of it all.

 

I think preparation is much more important than age. And a good support system is a big help. (Maybe you could tell the naysayers that they'll have a better chance at success if the people around them build them up, support them, and help them stick together, rather than criticizing, planting doubts, and tearing them down.) I think a lot of 18 year olds these days really don't understand what it means to be an adult and should not toy around with serious grown-up activities like marriage. But an 18 year old who takes life seriously, really "gets" that it's not easy and is committed to working through the hard stuff, has educated him/herself about mortgages, car payments, taxes, credit cards, housekeeping, cooking, basic child care, etc. and has a rational plan for where they'll live, how they'll support themselves, etc.--I say go for it.

 

PS. And it's definitely worth "waiting". Good for them!

Edited December 5, 2011 by MamaSheep

[Brigitte]

I was 20 and my husband was 21 when I married the first time. He was in the Navy, active duty, and I was in the reserves and finishing college. I think we would still be married today, but the long deployments were too hard for us (me really). He was sent to Panama for either 2 years with me or 18 months alone. He had to go alone at least temporarily since there was no married housing available when he left. I went home to live with my family. That was a big mistake. My family was not supportive of the relationship at all. In the end, it broke us up. I didn't have the maturity to stand up to my family and not have him around. If I had stayed connected with our military friends, I would have benefited from being around other young women in the same situation.

[GWOB]

Did you hold him to it?

 

 

Yep. And I got a picture. It was awesome.

[ErinE]

I quickly learned that love is not just a feeling but a decision.

 

I love this quote! My dh and I married young for my family (22). I got a lot of criticism for marrying, telling me I should wait and "sow my wild oats." I had no interest in shopping around. I dated several guys before meeting my husband and I only dated nice guys so I knew when I had a keeper. We were very good friends before we started dating.

 

Perhaps when I was in my twenties, I had a few twinges, especially when my sisters would go on exotic vacations with other single girlfriends and I didn't feel comfortable going as a married woman. But dh and I joke we were born old. We were never interested in partying or dating just to have a warm body to turn to. I always thought I would marry in my early thirties, but after meeting my husband, I couldn't imagine waiting.

 

If I knew someone marrying at my age and I was close to them, I would share the reality of marriage. There will be hard times, but if you both make a commitment to work through those rough patches, your love will be more than you ever imagined on your wedding day. Like pp said, I've known 40-year olds too immature for marriage. I would never say getting married young is a dumb idea. There are too many people I know who have made it work.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I was 18 and 5 months, dh was just turned 20. He was going into the army, so he had a way of supporting us. We were also saving ourselves for marriage. We have been married for 7 years. A lot of people said that we were too young, didn't know what we were doing, we'd be divorced quickly. We're still here :D

 

I know a woman who got married at 16, and they've been married for 18 years, very happily.

[gingersmom]

I just have to say I find this fascinating.

 

I do not know of one single person in real life who was married at 16, 18 or even 21.

 

99% of the people I know graduated high school and went straight to college.

 

I was married at 30, one brother at 27 and one at 42.

 

My parents were married when my mother was 19 and my father was 26. I am not sure I would call them happily married.

 

My grandparents were together over 50 years but lived 90% of the time in separate cities (hundreds of miles apart).

 

I would definitely encourage my daughter/son to wait to be married till at least after college.

[Scarlett]

I quickly scrolled through the thread and didn't see any mention of how old the boyfriend is. I think that is important to know.

 

Basically though, I think it isn't an 'age' as much as compatibility and determination. I have a fantastic article that I am going to link about how to determine if a personal is a good match for you.

 

I agree with others who say that ultimately they are adults. You can only guide them in harmony with your own knowledge of your child and your own personal morals. Others should keep their opinions to themselves. (and by others I don't mean the Hive ;))

 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068b_qa.html

 

I'm copying my favorite part below....

 

1. Intelligence. You and he should be roughly equivalent in intelligence, within about 15 IQ points. Without having to take an IQ test, you can usually figure that out by comparing grades in school, although men are notorious underachievers in high school. College grades are a better measure of intelligence for both men and women. The quality of your conversation is another good indicator of compatible intelligence. Men who are stimulating to talk to are usually in your league intellectually. But if there is a large gap between you in IQ, both of you will tend to be bored by your conversation. The one with the highest IQ will find the conversation to be superficial, and the one with the lowest IQ won't be able to keep up. There is also a tendency of someone with a higher IQ to disrespect the judgments of the one with the lower IQ, and that's an absolute relationship killer. Respect is essential in marriage regardless of the quality of an opinion. If you both enjoy talking to each other for hours at a time, and you respect each other's ideas, you pass the test.

 

2. Energy. You should marry someone roughly equivalent to you in energy. If one of you lays around watching TV while the other scurries about and can't sit still, it's probably a bad match. The reason energy is an important determiner of compatibility is that so many of your lifestyle pre-dispositions will depend on your energy. Leisure time activities and sexual interest are particularly sensitive to the amount of energy you have. People high in energy enjoy activities that burn that energy, even after work, while those with low energy levels would find such activities to be exhausting. And regarding sex, the more energy a person has, the more sex he or she tends to need. Since leisure activities and sex are two of the best ways to deposit love units after marriage, incompatibility in these areas can make it very difficult for a couple to stay in love.

 

3. Social Interest. If one of you is socially outgoing and the other is an introvert, that difference can make the planning of social activities very difficult. The Policy of Joint Agreement dictates that you don't do anything unless you can both agree, and in marriages of extroverts to introverts, their area of mutual social comfort is very narrow. The extrovert will not be able to get to know as many people as he or she would like because the introvert hates meeting new people. And the introvert will be constantly challenged to tread into the terrifying waters of introductions. Yet, I am very much opposed to spouses going their separate ways after marriage (one goes to a party and the other stays home), so the social interest difference require very creative solutions to keep them together yet make their social lives happy for both of them.

 

4. Cultural Background. Culture determines a host of personal sensitivities. Take Christmas, for example. In the American culture, Christmas is usually a big deal for most people. But imagine growing up in a family where every year Christmas was celebrated with zeal, only to discover after marriage that you cannot celebrate Christmas at all. The Policy of Joint Agreement dictates that you don't do anything unless you can both enthusiastically agree and because the person you married comes from a family that finds Christmas offensive, you do not celebrate it. Even if your spouse were to give you permission to celebrate Christmas, his background will still make such a celebration very uncomfortable to him. From my perspective, The Policy of Joint Agreement would rule Christmas out until a way is found to celebrate it with mutual enthusiasm.

 

Cultural background does not only dictate sensitivities, but it also dictates certain skills in meeting emotional needs. In some cultures, outward displays of affection are discouraged, and yet you may need that from the person you married. To meet your emotional need, he must not only go against his cultural training, but he must learn to do something that he was never taught.

 

Sometimes when two people are in love, they feel they can overcome cultural barriers. But that's usually because their relationship has been rather brief. They have not yet had to wrestle with some of the conflicts that culture imposes on them. I counseled one couple who had fallen in love, yet one could only speak Spanish and the other could only speak English. Granted they could eventually learn each other's language, but with that would come a host of cultural differences that might be much more difficult to overcome. Time eventually proved to both of them that their relationship was not meant to be.

 

5. Values. Moral values usually dictate how we behave. The Policy of Joint Agreement and the Policy of Radical Honesty are moral values that I encourage all married couples to adopt because they create and sustain love. But even when these two important values are agreed to at the time of marriage, conflicts with other moral values can make the creation of a compatible lifestyle very difficult to achieve. Getting back to our Christmas example, it's a cultural difference that makes a spouse unskilled in knowing how to celebrate Christmas. But if you marry an Orthodox Jew, it's more than skill that will be a problem. He will probably be deeply offended by such a celebration. And that offense comes from his moral convictions, not just his cultural background. A discussion of values is always a good idea when on a date, because if you find your values to be very divergent, it will make it difficult for you to agree on a lifestyle that you enthusiastically share.

 

A question often asked in a compatibility test is "Would you be willing to give up your religion to please your spouse?" It's not really a fair question, because it usually doesn't come to that drastic measure. But the point is important, and I would rephrase the question a little differently. I would ask, "Do you have any beliefs that would prevent you from following the Policy of Joint Agreement?" That is actually more to the point. Is there some belief that is so important to you that you would be willing to let your spouse suffer rather that give it up? If so, you should be certain that your spouse shares the same belief.

 

The point in all of this is that wide differences in any of these five characteristics of people make it difficult, but not impossible, to create a compatible lifestyle. When dating, if you try to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement (never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement), you will be able to pick up on areas of incompatibility immediately. And if you find yourself fighting a difference in one of these characteristics, it's reasonable to come to the conclusion that it's not worth the effort to try to resolve it. That's when you break up and start in all over again with someone else.

[Doran5]

21 when we were married. 19 when we started dating. Been together for 15 years now! If they are mentally prepared for all that comes with marriage and your daughter understands that she can't just run home every time her feelings get hurt. Not to mention the military aspect. Deployment, stationing across the country or globe. You know your daughter and if you think she is ready give your blessing. If not, be prepared for them to get married anyway.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I was 17 years 4 months when dh and I got married. He was 20 years 5 months. We will celebrate 14 years of marriage in April. We had out ups and downs but I don't think any more than a couple that was older when married. We are very happily married!! :001_wub:

 

Its funny though- we relate MUCH better to people ATLEAST 15 years older than us. I think 2 of my best friends are MUCH older than me :lol: People that we went to school with are just now having babies. We wouldn't change anything if given the chance!

[SnowWhite]

I was 25 and dh was 19 (almost 20). My BIL was also 19, and SIL was 16. That seems a mite young to me but they are married 11 years happily. They both graduated from homeschool before marrying. Both have had successful job experiences and BIL is going back to college in January pursuing a RN certificate.

 

Both dh and I attended college as newlyweds, and both completed our courses with good grades. I went on to earn my Master's degree as well. Both of us established careers in our majors. (I now continue with my Elementary Ed career at home, LOL).

Edited December 5, 2011 by SnowWhite
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