Melinda S in TX Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 When you are invited to someone elses home, or when you invite someone over for a meal, do you contribute/expect them to contribute? If it makes any difference, we are a large family (eight of us) and we frequently have large families over. If you do contribute/expect them to contribute, what would you like to take or have them bring? I'm confusing myself. I hope someone understands and can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I always offer. I don't always ask others though. I don't Expect it. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I always offer. I don't always ask others though. I don't Expect it. Dawn :iagree:with this. I always offer to bring something when invited. I do not expect others to offer to bring something to my home. I do take them up on it, if asked, usually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I agree with the above. I always ask if I can bring anything, and even if they say no I bring a bottle of wine, or a little gift for the kids- SOMETHING. I never walk in to someone's home empty handed. I never expect anyone to bring anything, and usually tell the ones who ask no thank you unless we are very close (immediate family, close friends). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 As a family of 6+ (depending on the number of foster children we have) I always offer to bring something. I typically have people offer to bring items to meals when I invite them, but I rarely take them up on it. I truly enjoy cooking for my guests. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I do not expect others to contribute unless specifically asked to do so. Often guests will bring something anyway, and I think it's lovely. When I am invited to another's home, I offer to bring something. If it's someone I know well, they might ask me to bring rolls and a salad or a side dish. If nothing is specified, I sometimes bring something like an appetizer, a bottle of wine, some lemonade, a small side dish....something that will fit into the meal without interfering with the hostess's meal plan. Depends on the event and the hostess. If my sister says "Don't bring anything," she means it. If my neighbor says don't bring anything, she means we're welcome without bringing anything, but if we bring something, she always serves it happily. :) When we have large family gatherings at my house, everyone brings a specific part of the meal. Tomorrow, for example, dh and I are making the turkey and gravy, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin pie; my mom is bringing mashed potatoes and cornbread stuffing; my sis is bringing traditional stuffing and rolls and salad...and so on.... Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiddenJewel Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I do not expect if I we are the ones doing the inviting. If we are invited somewhere, we offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missouri Okie Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Most people offer. So, I've come to expect THE OFFER unless I know someone is not a competent cook. I usually decline unless it's a big meal like Thanksgiving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I always offer to contribute. I don't expect people to offer when I invite them to my home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I usually offer to bring something. With people who we tend to visit often (usually family), I tend to have certain dishes to bring over and over. Usually it is because it is someone's favorite or it fills some gap - like they don't like cooking something. If they don't want me to bring a dish (because they have their menu set), then I will usually back something like banana bread for them to eat the next day. I don't expect anyone to bring food for a get together of mine. If it is a big dinner and people volunteer then I take them up on the offer. Vegetable dishes are my usual go to offering because one family member who had big dinners doesn't seen to do vegetables (all meat, potatoes, and bread in every possible variation). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 :iagree:with this. I always offer to bring something when invited. I do not expect others to offer to bring something to my home. I do take them up on it, if asked, usually. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homemama2 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer to bring something when invited. I do not expect others to offer to bring something to my home :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always ask, "What can I bring?" I never expect anyone to bring something, but if they offer, I graciously suggest something. Some people feel more hospitable if they contribute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always ask, "What can I bring?" I never expect anyone to bring something, but if they offer, I graciously suggest something. Some people feel more hospitable if they contribute. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 When I am invited, I ask if I can bring something. Sometimes the answer is no (in which case I bring a bottle of wine). Sometimes the host asks for a specific contribution (a salad, a desert). If I invite people, I do not expect them to bring food. The one exception is my annual beginning-of-summer-bbq for 40 people; there I ask people to bring something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 When I am invited, I ask if I can bring something. Sometimes the answer is no (in which case I bring a bottle of wine). Sometimes the host asks for a specific contribution (a salad, a desert).If I invite people, I do not expect them to bring food. The one exception is my annual beginning-of-summer-bbq for 40 people; there I ask people to bring something. :iagree: Adding that if I don't know if they drink alcohol, I bring flowers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I contribute if asked or they take me up on the offer. I very rarely ask anyone to bring anything. But it's no problem if they do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 If you do contribute/expect them to contribute, what would you like to take or have them bring? I have six children~I don't take "nothing" for an answer when asking what I can bring :001_smile:. If the hostess has a request, I follow it. If she's vague, I bring things to make little people happy: plenty of juice bags, snacks to munch on in case the meal is served later than they are accustomed to, kid friendly side dish like fruit salad or homemade macaroni and cheese, and usually one of my girls will bake some type of dessert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer. I don't always ask others though. I don't Expect it. Dawn This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Around here most everyone brings something to meals. It is just a given at holidays, but even at barbecues or whatever it is very, very common. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 It depends. If I am invited to someone's home for the first time, and I am sure that Mr. Ellie and I are the only guests, and nothing is said about potluck or anything, then no. I'm a guest. My job is to show up and be delightful. :D If I'm invited to the home of someone I've known a long time, and I can tell from the discussion that it's a special meal the hostess is preparing for a special event, like a Christmas dinner, then no. The hostess is giving a party, and I'm a guest. My job is to show up and be delightful. :D The only time I offer to take something is if the hostess says it's going to be a potluck, or we've been talking about an informal get-together of some kind and I can tell by the conversation that the hostess is opening her home but we're all bring food and whatnot. I don't allow my guests to bring food or anything when I'm inviting them as guests. That's the definition of a "guest." People who have been to my home three times aren't guests any more. They're family, and sometimes I let family contribute to the meal. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I agree with the above. I always ask if I can bring anything, and even if they say no I bring a bottle of wine, or a little gift for the kids- SOMETHING. I never walk in to someone's home empty handed. I never expect anyone to bring anything, and usually tell the ones who ask no thank you unless we are very close (immediate family, close friends). Same here, if they say "nothing", I'll bring something for the hostess or kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always ask, "What can I bring?" If the hostess suggests something, I bring it. If she says not to bring anything, I may bring a bunch of flowers or bottle of wine or candy/treat. If flowers, dh or one of the kids brings it in. If foodstuff, I will bring it in, give it to the hostess quietly, and let her know this is a little something for her to enjoy later (as in when she puts her feet up after everyone has gone home and she's ready to put her feet up). When people ask me if they can bring something, and I say no, is because I either have a specific menu planned, and/or I truly just want them to be guests. I always assume that if we are invited somewhere, and the hostess tells me not to bring anything, that she is operating with similar intentions. If I am hosting an event which I'd like help with, food-wise, I say it right up front: "Hey, we are throwing together a little potluck, would y'all like to come..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer, and people say no, so I bring a bottle or wine or flowers. Same in reverse -- people always offer, I say no, and so they bring wine or flowers. And so the world keeps spinning on its axis. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 We always go to my dd's for the holidays. We usually spend a week so I don't bring anything. I just do the shopping instead. Works out well for us. I can afford the food more than they can and they can handle the cooking more than I can. Ordinarily though, I would never show up for a meal empty handed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer, and people never say no. Ever. Probably has something to do with my chosen profession. :D I don't expect people to bring anything when they come to my house unless I clearly have stated that it's a potluck for a large group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer. I don't always ask others though. I don't Expect it. Dawn This is me, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I have never offered to bring anything but I don't expect anyone to bring anything to my house.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always ask "Oh, what should I bring?" If they say "Oh, nothing, we've got it all under control." I take them at their word. If I invite someone over, I don't expect them to bring anything, but if they would like to it will be graciously received. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Yes, we always bring something and if it's only chips and dips or wine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 As a guest, I say something such as, "We can't wait to join you for dinner next Friday! May I please bring something to share? How about the marinated cheese you love?" Then the host has the option to accept, decline or to guide me to bring something else. Additionally, we always take a gift for the host--usually cheese or a bottle of wine to enjoy whenever they choose. As a host, I always say we have it covered. If one of our guests insists on bringing something specific, I accept. I do not direct people as to what they should bring. If it's a special event, such as a child's birthday party, and someone brings an extra cake or something bizarre, I store it in the freezer and notify them I'll present it to the person of honor at a different time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Usually I will offer at the time of invitation. If the hostess says not to because she has an overabundance, I will usually bring a little treat (box of homemade candies or cookies). If she hesitates and states that she believes she should have enough, I will bring a dessert, bread, popular side dish, etc. If she says that it would be nice but not to bother because coming is enough, I'll bring a couple sides, desserts, goodies, etc. No one has ever indicated or shown signs that they were offended. Typically whatever I bring gets consumed along with what was planned by the hostess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer as do my friends. We often do pretty casual potluck type dinners where the host provides the main course and everyone else brings other food to go with it. I try to always go with something though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer to bring/ask "What can I bring to help with lunch/dinner/snack?" rather than "Can I bring anything?". If they say no/nothing, I still might bring a drink if I think my kids will be picky, or some sort of snack/dessert item as a just in case. Something that, if not eaten right then the host can save for later. For example, if we're going for a late lunch/early dinner, and I know we'll be there a while before actually eating, I might bring chips & salsa so the kids can munch while we cook. That's if the hostess said not to bring anything; if given specifics, I'll comply with that. When people come to my house, I do not expect them to contribute. I figure, we wind up reciprocating and it evens out, if not with these particular people still we are guests in other's homes, and we have others as guests in our home. So whatever extra I might spend on the meal when I hostess, I've saved the last time I was a guest. It all works out, and if I'm hostessing, I've counted the cost, know what I'll serve, know it's not a problem, etc. I wouldn't offer to host if I was expecting my guest to contribute. The exception might be a large family gathering, where more than one group is getting together -- ex, holiday meals when several extended family members are gathering and we're using my house as home base because I'm centrally located or have the biggest dining table or whatever; in that case I'd ask others to bring parts of the meal. But that's a group decision sort of event, not an "I invited you to come eat with me" event. If I specifically invited, I would not expect contributions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I try to offer, but I never expect my guests to bring anything. Today I am taking cookies and homemade rolls to Thanksgiving at dh's cousin's house. She insisted I didn't need to bring anything but I pressed the issue. We are a family of 5 and they are a family of 6, and there will be 20 people there today. So I knew a contribution would help. When my family gets together (4 families, total 19 people), everybody contributes something. I usually host and provide meat (and several side dishes), frequently with financial contribution from my parents and/or a brother. Sis-in-laws generally bring veggies and/or beverages. My mom and single brother frequently contribute appetizers and/or desserts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer. I don't expect it at my home, but since our guests are always family or good friends, they always ask if there's anything they can bring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Always. If I am going, I ask what I can bring. If they say 'oh, don't worry about it," I offer a desert. If not that, I bring wine or flowers. If people are coming, I usually ask for wine, a desert, or a salad. For big holiday meals, (hosting or visiting) side dishes are farmed out and the turkey is made at the host's house, plus wine (of course!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer. I don't always ask others though. I don't Expect it. Dawn Exactly. If someone invites you over you ALWAYS offer to bring something. But if I invite someone over I never ask them to bring something... But then they always offer. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I offer to bring something unless it is an EVENT. Like, a birthday party, wedding, confirmation, or Baptism. In those cases I bring a gift for the honoree. I would never ask someone to bring something unless they were cohosting; however, most people do offer, and I gladly accept. If I offer and someone says no, I bring some kind of hostess gift that does not demand to be used that day, like wine, or artisan olive oil, or seasonal napkins, or a special cheese, or a little box of chocolates. Maybe some spiced nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Also, I think it's really rude to ask someone to bring something, especially something very specific. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
higginszoo Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer as a guest. I don't expect anyone to bring anything (for family events, they're in from out of town, so not even practical). For times when we have local friends over, I might have them bring rolls or dessert or wine if they ask, but when I invite them, I'm not expecting them to offer unless it's set up as a potluck in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 When you are invited to someone elses home, or when you invite someone over for a meal, do you contribute/expect them to contribute? If it makes any difference, we are a large family (eight of us) and we frequently have large families over. If you do contribute/expect them to contribute, what would you like to take or have them bring? I'm confusing myself. I hope someone understands and can help. I usually offer--unless it's clear they want to "do" dinner for us. I prefer that people do NOT bring food if I've invited them for dinner. If I say that I don't want them to bring anything, that's what I truly mean. I've typically planned the appetizers, drinks, meal, dessert to go together. Having additional food can just be awkward because it may not "fit" or their offering may mean that it would be rude for me to then bring out a dish I had already prepared if it was too similar to whatever they brought. Honestly, I would consider it rude for someone to bring something after I've told them no thank you to that. If I want people to bring something, I'll say that it's potluck when I invite them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I always offer as do my friends. We often do pretty casual potluck type dinners where the host provides the main course and everyone else brings other food to go with it. I try to always go with something though. This describes all of our entertaining as well as our invitations to other people's homes for meals. It really isn't an issue because it's normal in our circle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 If it's a special event, such as a child's birthday party, and someone brings an extra cake or something bizarre, I store it in the freezer and notify them I'll present it to the person of honor at a different time. This!!! Glad to know I am not the only person who thinks it's rude for someone else to bring my kids or dh a special birthday cake. Hell-ooooooo, I am his/her wife/mom/lady of the house, it's my job and my joy to do the cake (whether I bake it myself or procure a special favorite). Twice now I've had folks bring a cake and make a big deal of presenting it in place of my planned cake (jumping the gun to get hers on the table first, that is). Awkward!!! Laurie4b, you conveyed well what I was trying to say in my earlier post. I prefer that people do NOT bring food if I've invited them for dinner. If I say that I don't want them to bring anything, that's what I truly mean. I've typically planned the appetizers, drinks, meal, dessert to go together. Having additional food can just be awkward because it may not "fit" or their offering may mean that it would be rude for me to then bring out a dish I had already prepared if it was too similar to whatever they brought. Honestly, I would consider it rude for someone to bring something after I've told them no thank you to that.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Yes, this seems to be how it is for us, too. I like to know what the person's menu is so that I can bring something small to *complement* the meal but not any dish that might overshadow the hostess, kwim? I like to bring homemade honey butter (super easy) if the hostess will have rolls. Or I offer to do both if that wasn't on the menu...often rolls/bread get forgotten in the shuffle of making so many dishes and I like making them. I have brought a quick bread or appetizer type thing, too, if it fits in with what is being offered. Juice boxes for little ones if it's a family gathering are always appreciated and I know my kids like them because we never buy them. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaM Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 It is expected in our family but it is more because we rotate locations. The host usually provides the main and teh guests provide appetizers, sides and deserts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kandty Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 It depends! For Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all other family get togethers it is expected your bring something. Sometimes the person tells you what to bring and sometimes you pick. Just depends on the meal. Now this is a big pet peeve of mine. If I am invited to someone's house or I invite people to my house for a birthday or some event that I am expected to bring a gift or they are expected to bring a gift, BRINGING FOOD IS NOT EXPECTED (or wanted). DH's family breaks this rule of mine and I think it is rude to ask me to bring your child a gift and food. I would never ask anyone to do that! An exception is that I can always ask my mom for help with the food at these type of events, because that is what moms do!:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kandty Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I prefer that people do NOT bring food if I've invited them for dinner. If I say that I don't want them to bring anything, that's what I truly mean. I've typically planned the appetizers, drinks, meal, dessert to go together. Having additional food can just be awkward because it may not "fit" or their offering may mean that it would be rude for me to then bring out a dish I had already prepared if it was too similar to whatever they brought. Honestly, I would consider it rude for someone to bring something after I've told them no thank you to that. :iagree: I have had problems were I told people not to bring anything or they brought more than asked and it completely messed up my meal. Too many leftovers, things gone to waste, or it changed the type of meal we were having, or guest ate the other's person food and not mine. I once had a relative tell me after I told her that all the food was taken care of and nothing was needed, "I WILL bring something, so tell me now and don't make me ask again!" I kid you not! She wasn't trying to be mean, but in her head it was rude not to bring something that if she didn't do it she wouldn't be able to live with herself. This same person ask people to bring food to her house, but she makes a ton to begin with and I always end of taking my food back home not eaten and wasted! As a one income family I am hurt by this as money is tight and it was a complete waste of money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I guess I have a "guest mentality". I almost never offer to bring anything, though in most cases we do bring a wine or a chocolate gift box or something along those lines - but it is a gift, the point of it is not really to contribute to the meal, even if it does end up on the table sometimes. Likewise, I would probably be offended if somebody felt necessary to "complement" my meals (which are, of course, perfect :tongue_smilie:) and I make sure to emphasize this point to people who ask what they can bring. Besides, MY dinners are MY show off time if I decide to put some actual effort into that food. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 (edited) I'm picky enough that being invited to someone else's house for a meal can be problematic. My good friends know that I don't mean to offend when I dislike their cooking, and they enjoy giving me a hard time about it. I do offer to bring something, usually dessert. If I'm inviting people over I discourage the guests from bringing anything. Let me do all of the cooking please. Edited November 24, 2011 by joannqn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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