Kari C in SC Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 We have been waiting and waiting for an accident report. On one hand I want it and on the other hand - it terrifies me. An Alaska lawyer called us last night to say it had been released. The Army will conduct another investigation on their own and then they are supposed to review it with us. This attorney is mailing me a copy without the pictures. I asked that he not send pictures and he said he took them out, but I am terrified there will be a mistake. I am so afraid of seeing my sweet child after this horrific accident. My friend has offered to come over and open it for me. She is just amazing. The lawyer told me some of what we already knew and a little more we didn't. Basically, the 18 year old girl, Alecia had just gotten the car at the beginning of May. She had a permit - no license. She was driving a car that somebody had either given or lent to her. It was not in her name, nor was the insurance. She was pulled over 4 days prior to the accident and ticketed. They could have impounded the car because she was driving without a license. That day, she drove about 4 or 5 hours from her hometown to my son's military base. She was pulled over for driving recklessly. She called my son to get herself released to drive. He came to get her, they drove away. At some point, he changes drivers with her. Supposedly, she passed and hit the semi 30 minutes later. I am so angry that the officer did not use his legal right to impound her car. I am so angry my son let her drive. I am so angry that I am angry with my son because he is gone and how awful is it that I am mad at him? The officer had this against her - ticketed 4 days ealier, no license, no insurance because he had no license, not driving her own car, 4-5 hours from her home (showing this wasn't a quick trip to the store). I don't know why I am writing this here. I am just so tired and my heart hurts so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 oh, bless you. my heart goes out to you....:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: You can't help the way you feel. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: I can only imagine how hard it is for you to hear/read that information. Please don't dwell on the what-ifs, I think that will only bring you more pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 It's so senseless, Kari... such a waste of life. I'm so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avila Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: My aunt was killed in a car accident 25 years ago, and it still hurts. I was mad at the people at the party who served the alcohol. I was mad at her for drinking. I was mad at her fiance for drinking and then still thinking he was less drunk than her and driving and mad at her for letting him. I was just mad. And then very, very sad. I have forgiven them, and quite frankly God, who I was probably the most mad at. But it took a very long time. And I still am sad on holidays, her birthday, and the anniversary of day it happened. All this to say that I still can't imagine your pain, anger and frustration. I can empathize, but I know it isn't the same. But I am praying for you. I am so sorry this happened to you and your son and his friend. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Kari, I am so sorry. :grouphug: No mother should have to go through this. You are in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: You are allowed to be angry at him and miss him simuntaneously. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: It's okay to be angry. We love you, and am so sorry you are having to go thru the deeper layers right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I am so sorry. *hugs* I don't know what to say at all...just that I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I am so very sorry for what you're going through. I can't imagine the nightmare it must be to lose a child when it could have been so easily stopped. Feel free to talk your feelings through here as much as you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and continued prayers for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbaby Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I can't imagine the rollercoaster of emotions you must be going through. I hope you and your family can find peace. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: There are no words, Kari. May God be with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristavws Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: Krista Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: I'm so sorry :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LNC Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm praying for you now. I can't tell you how sorry I am... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: i dont even know what to say. :crying: I cant imagine the nightmare of it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 There are no words. (((Kari))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 There are no words. Just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 In tears for you, Kari. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Oh, Kari -- (((hugs))) -- I am so sorry. Praying for you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Being mad is a perfectly acceptable reaction! Feel no guilt over that. Many :grouphug: to help you as you get through this time of pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm so very sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Sending you :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and prayers. Of course, you are angry. People did things wrong and your son paid the ultimate price for it. And I understand why you would feel angry with your son, and I also know that the anger toward him will pass. You're hurt beyond belief, and you need to lash out at someone. And in this case, your anger is totally justified. But please, remember that this stupid girl must have been very persuasive, because she was able to weasel out of a lot of trouble with more people than just your poor, kind ds, so it's not really surprising that he would have ended up letting her drive. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprimis Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Kari---my heart really hearts for you. It is truly something no mother should have to go through. Many hugs and prayers for peace of mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrjoy Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm so sorry......I wish we all had answers here to help heal all your heartache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I don't have words - just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 so sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 oh, bless you. my heart goes out to you....:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I couldn't think of anything better to say. I will remember you in my prayers. Acts24:15 and I have hope toward God, which hope these [men] themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous. Job 14: 13 O that in She´ol you would conceal me, That you would set a time limit for me and remember me! 14 If an able-bodied man dies can he live again? All the days of my compulsory service I shall wait, Until my relief comes. 15 You will call, and I myself shall answer you. For the work of your hands you will have a yearning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm so sorry.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Kari, I am so very sorry. :grouphug: I cannot imagine your pain. It is perfectly okay to feel all this anger. In fact, it is good for you to feel it. It's one of the stages of grieving. Let the anger flow; let the tears flow... as much as it hurts, and you are tired, let it out. You will be healthier in the long run. We are all here to support you, and we'll listen as you pour your heart out. No mother should have to feel this pain. I am still praying for you. :grouphug: Edited January 4, 2011 by jenL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patches Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm so sorry. Praying for peace for you. I think the anger is normal.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: Words can't express my sympathy for you right now. Just sending lots of hugs. Cathie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: I am so very sorry. I am sure that I can't even imagine your pain...but I think I would probably feel really angry too. Whatever you feel, there is nothing wrong with you feeling that way. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :crying: So sorry for you. Don't try to analyze the emotions you feel, or try to talk yourself out of them. Just let them wash over you, and let them go. God knows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thea Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I am so sorry. My brother died 11 years ago due to his stupid choices. I'm *still* angry with him (although no longer furious). Your feelings are normal. :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Oh, Kari. :crying: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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