Laura Corin Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I was curious about the thread full of people uncomfortable about holding hands and praying in church. Do you feel the same about shaking hands with strangers when you are introduced? Poll to follow. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 Answering my own question: I shake hands with strangers (although women often don't in the UK, except in business situations). If I have a cold I excuse myself for the other person's benefit, but other people's germy hands don't worry me: we are surrounded by germs and our bodies (assuming no specific health problem) are well adapted to fight them off. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamee Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) I will when necessary, but the last few years, it's been a bow.:D As for holding hands, this was very common in Korea amongst same-sex friends. It took some getting used too with my Korean friend, but when in Rome . . . Edited October 19, 2010 by Jamee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I shake hands with strangers. I'm like you, not too worried about germs, except that I try not to spread them when I know I'm ill. I like to think others would extend the same courtesy, but if not, well, it's a germy world out there in general. When it comes to holding hands with strangers, or even casual acquaintances...that would make me uncomfortable. Not so much out of concern for germs, though. For me, there's a different cultural level of intimacy in holding hands than in shaking hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2J112903 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I go out of my way *not* to touch someone when we are out, wheather it is at Mass or not. This is one reason why you do not see me at Mass often, I literally get sick thinking about touching someone else besides my DH or son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Yes. Even if I get sick as a dog because of it, which I often do. What good is being human if all one does is cringe from humanity? a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I try to avoid shaking hands as much as possible, but I don't refuse a hand that's already extended. I'm much more comfortable with a genuine smile and verbal greeting! Because of that, I'm kind of happy with dh's company's decision to cheap out and cut spouses from social events. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 While I don't like holding stranger's hands in church, I have no problem with shaking hands during the greeting time. I think that holding hands is more intimate because it is extended. I don't love the germ factor, but if I see that it's a big cold/flu season, sometimes I will discreetly use some hand sanitizer a few minutes after greeting time. That's not the norm though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) My solution is to wash my hands. Always when I come home and always before I eat. Everything is dirty, not just people -- oh well! I am around people from different cultural backgrounds. Some shake hands, some kiss on the cheek, some hug, and so on. I basically reciprocate, or default to shaking hands or just greeting someone. Edited October 19, 2010 by stripe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Yes. Even if I get sick as a dog because of it, which I often do. What good is being human if all one does is cringe from humanity? a Thats why I hug, too, although I am often not one to offer one- I will always respond and will offer when I feel comfortable enough. Truth is, I am a little inhibited in this area, but I do try and overcome it. I agree...I dont get the whole cringing from humanity thing. We are isolated enough in our suburban castles without reinforcing it with pulling back from the simple humanity of a handshake or hug...or pat on the back or whatever. Sure, one can be sensitive to when it is appropriate...but I am glad that physically touching our fellow man is not completely socially forbidden-many studies show that physical touch is healing. I think we are meant to touch. SHaking someone's hand gives one a sense of the person that nothing else can. I try and overcome my own inhibitions with things like that because I just cant see the point in reinforcing them with justifications. The more you do it, the easier it gets. I grew up with an English dad who never hugged me my whole childhood...believe me, I needed hugging, and it hasnt been easy to overcome the sense of discomfort around it. Warm hand, warm heart my husband has often said. He is a very huggy person, thankfully for me. I also dont worry about germs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I have no problem shaking hands. It is a social nicety and it does not last long. I do, however, hate (and I can not stress enough how much hate) when people I just met hug and/or kiss me on the cheek. That is a huge violation of my personal space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 yes, i shake hands often. for me, i don't have a sanitary issue with holding hands of a stranger though, it's more of the intimacy involved that would make me feel awkward. i tend to feel anxious in social situations (not obvious to others at all), and simply exchanging "hello" and "good morning" during the meet & greet at church can feel fake & a little stressful. holding hands intimately with a stranger and praying for them on demand would heighten that stress, lol. it's not the situation in of itself, it's just my own personal hang-ups. i still shake hands and socialize of course, it doesn't prohibit me from anything. it's just awkward, ykwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I shake hands with strangers. I'm like you, not too worried about germs, except that I try not to spread them when I know I'm ill. I like to think others would extend the same courtesy, but if not, well, it's a germy world out there in general. When it comes to holding hands with strangers, or even casual acquaintances...that would make me uncomfortable. Not so much out of concern for germs, though. For me, there's a different cultural level of intimacy in holding hands than in shaking hands. :iagree: A handshake lasts a few seconds and is not intimate. Holding hands to pray is far too intimate for my comfort. I could feel comfortable with that in a family setting but not at church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Answering my own question: I shake hands with strangers (although women often don't in the UK, except in business situations). If I have a cold I excuse myself for the other person's benefit, but other people's germy hands don't worry me: we are surrounded by germs and our bodies (assuming no specific health problem) are well adapted to fight them off. Laura :iagree:, except with the UK-specific situations. I won't willingly share my cooties, but the cooties of others do not bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I do shake hands with strangers, but sometimes I am uncomfortable - not for germs or anything like that, but more like the "see and old friend ... do I hug or don't I?" kind of discomfort. If one is clearly offered, I shake without reservation, but I usually am not the one to offer (except for the sign of peace in church.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I shake hands, unless my hands are dirty ;) If I'm sick, I assume my hands are dirty. Even so, I've had some people (especially at church) that will laugh at my 'silliness' and shake my hand anyway. I figure, decline out of a sense of propriety (don't want to spread the germs), but I do enjoy a good hand shake :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Same here, but I honestly would prefer if a slight bow were to come back in style. When I am nervous, my hands sweat, and I hate having someone shake my hand when my hand is damp. Plus, I think it would help the spread of disease. Answering my own question: I shake hands with strangers (although women often don't in the UK, except in business situations). If I have a cold I excuse myself for the other person's benefit, but other people's germy hands don't worry me: we are surrounded by germs and our bodies (assuming no specific health problem) are well adapted to fight them off. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) I shake hands with the ones I don't hug instead. :001_smile: I don't let the fear of germs (the one that causes me to buy all white plates and use gallons of bleach, for example) hold me back; my fear is more salmonella and the like than people germs. ;) My dc drag home way more germs into my house than I can get from anyone else. I'd have to stop touching my dc first to ward off germs, and that's not going to happen. We work on keeping our immunity up instead. Edited October 19, 2010 by angela in ohio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenhwyfar Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 i hate shaking hands. :ack2: if the hand is already stuck out at me i'll shake it - but i don't offer and i've manipulated situations before so that i knew i wouldn't get a hand offered. just do.not.like touching people with whom i am not very, very close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smrtmama Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Handshakes aren't an intimate act. Hand HOLDING is. Hence, why I don't mind shaking a stranger's hand, but I don't want to clasp it in mine for any length of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenhwyfar Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Handshakes aren't an intimate act. Hand HOLDING is. Hence, why I don't mind shaking a stranger's hand, but I don't want to clasp it in mine for any length of time. it is intimate to some of us though ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smrtmama Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 it is intimate to some of us though ;) It's not socially/culturally intimate. There's nothing implied through a handshake other than "nice to meet you." If physical contact in general is uncomfortable for you, that's another story. Of course, you shouldn't ever have to touch anyone you don't want to touch, but apart from the touching thing, no one should feel pressured into a false expression of intimacy/connectedness with someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I have no qualms about shaking hand with someone when we meet. It is customary. We are both doing it voluntarily (probably, anyway :lol:). It is not being done to make us feel artificially warm and fuzzy with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I shake hands with strangers. The handshake I don't like to receive is the one where my hand is being approached with what I perceive to be this attitude: "I am royalty, you are not; (or) I am the president, you are not." Do you know what I mean? It is not a handshake that clasps mine the way I am clasping theirs, in a true handshake form, no. It is like they think I have cooties. And they shake everyone's hand like that. Sorry. Had to say it.:tongue_smilie: But I would not like to hold hands in church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Same here, but I honestly would prefer if a slight bow were to come back in style. When I am nervous, my hands sweat, and I hate having someone shake my hand when my hand is damp. Plus, I think it would help the spread of disease. If the bow comes back for men, then the curtsy will have to come back for women. That means a lot of other old social norms will have to be brought back into play because one only curtsies to a social superior. And a man only bows to one of senior social rank. As for the handshake, I'm okay with it. Unless I'm meeting a man who thinks the "bone crusher" is appropriate. I've actually taken to just offering my fingers for a very "ladylike" handshake. The arthritis in my hand makes me want to whimper if squeezed too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Crown Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I'm an enthusiastic hand-shaker, even hugger, being Texan and all. But I strongly dislike pretending that promiscuous handshaking around the pews is in any way similar to the ancient liturgical "kiss of peace." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I do my best to avoid it. Unfortunately, too often I'm stuck facing someone with their hand outstretched. Ignoring it is rude. I *can't* shake their hands without hours of escalating pain after. So, I end up grasping their hand with my left, which creates the kiss-the-back-of-the-lady's-hand clasp. Embarrassing! And of course, it *always* leads to the question of what's wrong with my right hand/arm, which also makes me squirm. I just say, "nerve damage" and leave it at that if at all possible. Never ceases to amaze me how many ppl want details. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I shake hands happily during about five months of the year - April through the end of September. I stop for flu season. It's a habit left over from ds's years of "keep him healthy so we don't have to do heart surgery". Though ds is healthy as a horse now and heart is fine, it tuned me in to just how much disease is spread from things like this. So, I instinctively keep my hands clasped together and warmly, verbally greet them while kind of quickly giving them the head nod. Someone may think I'm weird but for the most part, it has been accepted without social awkwardness. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I would prefer to not shake hands, but it is culturally expected here. My problem is not a germ thing. But rather a touching thing! I prefer not to be hugged or touched by those outside my immediate family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I'm an enthusiastic hand-shaker, even hugger, being Texan and all. But I strongly dislike pretending that promiscuous handshaking around the pews is in any way similar to the ancient liturgical "kiss of peace." :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I'd rather not shake hands, but anything is better than being expected to hug everyone. There are very few people I hug willingly, not many more I choose to hug to be polite, and everyone else ought to nick off. I really, really hate hugging other people's husbands. Dude, you have a wife and kids, you have other people you're on hugging terms with, I am not them. If you want me to like you, don't touch! (And don't make me repeat that a second, third or fourth time because there aren't many polite ways to say it.) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I don't love shaking hands with strangers, but I'll do it and be pleasant about it. I just don't enjoy touching people I don't know. It's not a germ thing, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) While I don't like holding stranger's hands in church, I have no problem with shaking hands during the greeting time. I think that holding hands is more intimate because it is extended. I agree. I dislike the idea of any sort of forced intimacy. I would be highly irritated with such an instruction from any of my church leaders. Shaking hands and holding hands are very different, in my opinion. Edited October 19, 2010 by Crissy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I'd rather not shake hands, but anything is better than being expected to hug everyone. There are very few people I hug willingly, not many more I choose to hug to be polite, and everyone else ought to nick off. I really, really hate hugging other people's husbands. Dude, you have a wife and kids, you have other people you're on hugging terms with, I am not them. If you want me to like you, don't touch! (And don't make me repeat that a second, third or fourth time because there aren't many polite ways to say it.) Rosie Rosie, you rock! I hate shaking hands, but I hate hugs more. I loathe hugs. Please people! Can you NOT see the 2 foot invisible force field encircling me at all times? No touchy-touchy! However, I do shake hands in church and I encourage my children to do the same. Grin and bear it because being rude is EVEN worse than shaking hands. :glare: I'm not holding hands for some kumbaya time though. No filippin' way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I'm the one with the church that asks us to hold hands and sometimes pray for the person next to you. (even if it's a stranger.) However, I have no problem with shaking hands in greeting. It's just the extended contact of 'holding hands' that I don't like. Personally, I think I don't like holding hands because, for adults, if you hold hands with someone it's generally because you're dating them or married to them. (not counting holding a child's hand.) So, holding someone's hand feels soooo intimate to me. But, in our culture, shaking hands briefly (for a second or 2) is an acceptable form of greeting and is not intimate. So, I'm ok with it. Of course, I keep hand sanitizer in my purse and as soon as the greeting portion of church is done, I use it on the sly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I've learned to relax quite a bit. I shake hands with strangers (we shake hands at the beginning of Mass and during the Sign of Peace). We also hold hands during the Lord's Prayer. I'm not saying I'm totally, 100% comfortable with it, but I do it with a smile, and it hasn't hurt me, so far. Hugging - not so much. I have friends who always hug, and I don't want to hurt their feelings so I hug back. The only men I hug besides my hubby are family members. I'm not sure how I would handle it if a friend's dh tried to hug me. Glad it hasn't happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 I can't stand it when people shake my hands during cold/flu season. I feel like I want to immediately wash my hands. I can't stand being sick. I don't mind handshaking so much in the summer. I actually like being hugged but if someone hugs me and then later is cold or mean in any way I will judge that person harshly. I am not usually the one to initiate shaking hands or being hugged because I fear rejection and I don't want to invade anyone's space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Of course I shake hands with strangers, it is only people who I know and whose behavior I find extremely unethical that I refuse to shake hands with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Of course I shake hands with strangers, it is only people who I know and whose behavior I find extremely unethical that I refuse to shake hands with. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I didn't realize I was in such a small minority. I think shaking hands is pretty gross - I've read the studies about how many people actually wash their hands with soap & water after using the toilet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I'm really only talking about a slight bow of the head for both genders. Maybe I watch too many period dramas, but men and women gave a slight bow to one another not just based on rank. I think it gets the point across without having to touch. And, I see no need for other social norms to HAVE to come back. Why would everything need to be copied? If the bow comes back for men, then the curtsy will have to come back for women. That means a lot of other old social norms will have to be brought back into play because one only curtsies to a social superior. And a man only bows to one of senior social rank. As for the handshake, I'm okay with it. Unless I'm meeting a man who thinks the "bone crusher" is appropriate. I've actually taken to just offering my fingers for a very "ladylike" handshake. The arthritis in my hand makes me want to whimper if squeezed too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I appreciate good, firm handshakes. I cannot STAND wimpy handshakes from men or women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I appreciate good, firm handshakes. I cannot STAND wimpy handshakes from men or women. :iagree: I don't handle dead fish for a living for a reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Well, while I generally don't like to be touched by people I don't know intimately, I will shake hands if need be. However, I feel like praying is quite a bit more intimate than shaking hands. I will bow my head when someone else prays but I prefer to pray privately. To both pray and hold someone's hand at the same time would be entirely too intimate to do with someone who was not immediate family. I don't go to church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 20, 2010 Author Share Posted October 20, 2010 I didn't realize I was in such a small minority. I think shaking hands is pretty gross - I've read the studies about how many people actually wash their hands with soap & water after using the toilet. I just reckon that our bodies are pretty good at dealing with germs. In my family, we all wash our hands after using the toilet and before eating, but otherwise I don't worry. We rarely get ill - I can't remember the last time that any of us had a stomach upset, which one would think would result from other people's poor toileting habits. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I just reckon that our bodies are pretty good at dealing with germs. In my family, we all wash our hands after using the toilet and before eating, but otherwise I don't worry. We rarely get ill - I can't remember the last time that any of us had a stomach upset, which one would think would result from other people's poor toileting habits. Laura I have often wondered where this obsession with germs came from..then I watched a bit of commercial TV recently, and half the ads were for pain killers (cos no one wants to feel anything anymore) and the other half were for various things to kill germs. Smiling mothers killing all those nasty germs in their homes. Wow, how did we as a species survive so many thousands of generations without dettol or pine-o-clean? Well, the fittest of us survived because we had strong immune systems- and the rest didnt. I wonder what will happen now? I have never instigated a wash hands before meals rule- only after toileting and when they actually feel dirty. We rarely get sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 20, 2010 Author Share Posted October 20, 2010 I have often wondered where this obsession with germs came from..then I watched a bit of commercial TV recently, and half the ads were for pain killers (cos no one wants to feel anything anymore) and the other half were for various things to kill germs. Smiling mothers killing all those nasty germs in their homes. Wow, how did we as a species survive so many thousands of generations without dettol or pine-o-clean? Well, the fittest of us survived because we had strong immune systems- and the rest didnt. I wonder what will happen now? I have never instigated a wash hands before meals rule- only after toileting and when they actually feel dirty. We rarely get sick. David Mitchell. We started washing our hands before eating during the bird flu scare when we were living in China: hens used to peck around in the street and some of our neighbours had pet hens that were let out into the courtyard where the boys used to play. I thought that was a specific risk worth paying attention to. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 My issue isn't germs but rather my arthritis. I avoid shaking hands because too many people either squeeze your hand or shake it too vigorously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I don't mind handshakes. I find a big difference between shaking hands with a stranger and holding their hands during a prayer. The contact in prayer is longer and more intimate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I do my best to avoid it. Unfortunately, too often I'm stuck facing someone with their hand outstretched. Ignoring it is rude. I *can't* shake their hands without hours of escalating pain after. So, I end up grasping their hand with my left, which creates the kiss-the-back-of-the-lady's-hand clasp. Embarrassing! And of course, it *always* leads to the question of what's wrong with my right hand/arm, which also makes me squirm. I just say, "nerve damage" and leave it at that if at all possible. Never ceases to amaze me how many ppl want details. :glare: You could offer your left hand then lean in for the air kisses. This is how women greet each other here all. the. time. They will greet men that way as well. (But men do not air kiss each other -- they just seem to nod at each other and grunt an unintelligible, yet mutually understandable utterance. :001_huh:) People won't embarrass you with unwelcome questions. They will start thinking you are more "cosmopolitan." :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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