S/O holding hands: do you shake hands with strangers?

[Laura Corin]

I was curious about the thread full of people uncomfortable about holding hands and praying in church. Do you feel the same about shaking hands with strangers when you are introduced? Poll to follow.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

Answering my own question: I shake hands with strangers (although women often don't in the UK, except in business situations). If I have a cold I excuse myself for the other person's benefit, but other people's germy hands don't worry me: we are surrounded by germs and our bodies (assuming no specific health problem) are well adapted to fight them off.

 

Laura

[Jamee]

I will when necessary, but the last few years, it's been a bow.:D

 

As for holding hands, this was very common in Korea amongst same-sex friends. It took some getting used too with my Korean friend, but when in Rome . . .

Edited October 19, 2010 by Jamee

[MamaSheep]

I shake hands with strangers. I'm like you, not too worried about germs, except that I try not to spread them when I know I'm ill. I like to think others would extend the same courtesy, but if not, well, it's a germy world out there in general.

 

When it comes to holding hands with strangers, or even casual acquaintances...that would make me uncomfortable. Not so much out of concern for germs, though. For me, there's a different cultural level of intimacy in holding hands than in shaking hands.

[Mom2J112903]

I go out of my way *not* to touch someone when we are out, wheather it is at Mass or not. This is one reason why you do not see me at Mass often, I literally get sick thinking about touching someone else besides my DH or son.

[asta]

Yes. Even if I get sick as a dog because of it, which I often do.

 

What good is being human if all one does is cringe from humanity?

 

 

a

[Carrie12345]

I try to avoid shaking hands as much as possible, but I don't refuse a hand that's already extended. I'm much more comfortable with a genuine smile and verbal greeting! Because of that, I'm kind of happy with dh's company's decision to cheap out and cut spouses from social events. :tongue_smilie:

[ChristusG]

While I don't like holding stranger's hands in church, I have no problem with shaking hands during the greeting time. I think that holding hands is more intimate because it is extended.

 

I don't love the germ factor, but if I see that it's a big cold/flu season, sometimes I will discreetly use some hand sanitizer a few minutes after greeting time. That's not the norm though.

[stripe]

My solution is to wash my hands.

 

Always when I come home and always before I eat. Everything is dirty, not just people -- oh well!

 

I am around people from different cultural backgrounds. Some shake hands, some kiss on the cheek, some hug, and so on. I basically reciprocate, or default to shaking hands or just greeting someone.

Edited October 19, 2010 by stripe

[Peela]

Yes. Even if I get sick as a dog because of it, which I often do.

 

What good is being human if all one does is cringe from humanity?

 

 

a

 

Thats why I hug, too, although I am often not one to offer one- I will always respond and will offer when I feel comfortable enough. Truth is, I am a little inhibited in this area, but I do try and overcome it.

I agree...I dont get the whole cringing from humanity thing. We are isolated enough in our suburban castles without reinforcing it with pulling back from the simple humanity of a handshake or hug...or pat on the back or whatever. Sure, one can be sensitive to when it is appropriate...but I am glad that physically touching our fellow man is not completely socially forbidden-many studies show that physical touch is healing. I think we are meant to touch. SHaking someone's hand gives one a sense of the person that nothing else can.

I try and overcome my own inhibitions with things like that because I just cant see the point in reinforcing them with justifications. The more you do it, the easier it gets. I grew up with an English dad who never hugged me my whole childhood...believe me, I needed hugging, and it hasnt been easy to overcome the sense of discomfort around it.

Warm hand, warm heart my husband has often said. He is a very huggy person, thankfully for me.

I also dont worry about germs.

[kewb]

I have no problem shaking hands. It is a social nicety and it does not last long. I do, however, hate (and I can not stress enough how much hate) when people I just met hug and/or kiss me on the cheek. That is a huge violation of my personal space.

[mytwomonkeys]

yes, i shake hands often. for me, i don't have a sanitary issue with holding hands of a stranger though, it's more of the intimacy involved that would make me feel awkward. i tend to feel anxious in social situations (not obvious to others at all), and simply exchanging "hello" and "good morning" during the meet & greet at church can feel fake & a little stressful. holding hands intimately with a stranger and praying for them on demand would heighten that stress, lol. it's not the situation in of itself, it's just my own personal hang-ups. i still shake hands and socialize of course, it doesn't prohibit me from anything. it's just awkward, ykwim?

[Veritaserum]

I shake hands with strangers. I'm like you, not too worried about germs, except that I try not to spread them when I know I'm ill. I like to think others would extend the same courtesy, but if not, well, it's a germy world out there in general.

 

When it comes to holding hands with strangers, or even casual acquaintances...that would make me uncomfortable. Not so much out of concern for germs, though. For me, there's a different cultural level of intimacy in holding hands than in shaking hands.

 

:iagree: A handshake lasts a few seconds and is not intimate. Holding hands to pray is far too intimate for my comfort. I could feel comfortable with that in a family setting but not at church.

[GWOB]

Answering my own question: I shake hands with strangers (although women often don't in the UK, except in business situations). If I have a cold I excuse myself for the other person's benefit, but other people's germy hands don't worry me: we are surrounded by germs and our bodies (assuming no specific health problem) are well adapted to fight them off.

 

Laura

 

:iagree:, except with the UK-specific situations. I won't willingly share my cooties, but the cooties of others do not bother me.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I do shake hands with strangers, but sometimes I am uncomfortable - not for germs or anything like that, but more like the "see and old friend ... do I hug or don't I?" kind of discomfort. If one is clearly offered, I shake without reservation, but I usually am not the one to offer (except for the sign of peace in church.)

[lionfamily1999]

I shake hands, unless my hands are dirty ;) If I'm sick, I assume my hands are dirty.

 

Even so, I've had some people (especially at church) that will laugh at my 'silliness' and shake my hand anyway. I figure, decline out of a sense of propriety (don't want to spread the germs), but I do enjoy a good hand shake :lol:

[Nestof3]

Same here, but I honestly would prefer if a slight bow were to come back in style. When I am nervous, my hands sweat, and I hate having someone shake my hand when my hand is damp. Plus, I think it would help the spread of disease.

 

Answering my own question: I shake hands with strangers (although women often don't in the UK, except in business situations). If I have a cold I excuse myself for the other person's benefit, but other people's germy hands don't worry me: we are surrounded by germs and our bodies (assuming no specific health problem) are well adapted to fight them off.

 

Laura

[angela in ohio]

I shake hands with the ones I don't hug instead. :001_smile:

 

I don't let the fear of germs (the one that causes me to buy all white plates and use gallons of bleach, for example) hold me back; my fear is more salmonella and the like than people germs. ;) My dc drag home way more germs into my house than I can get from anyone else. I'd have to stop touching my dc first to ward off germs, and that's not going to happen. We work on keeping our immunity up instead.

Edited October 19, 2010 by angela in ohio

[Gwenhwyfar]

i hate shaking hands. :ack2: if the hand is already stuck out at me i'll shake it - but i don't offer and i've manipulated situations before so that i knew i wouldn't get a hand offered. just do.not.like touching people with whom i am not very, very close.

[smrtmama]

Handshakes aren't an intimate act. Hand HOLDING is. Hence, why I don't mind shaking a stranger's hand, but I don't want to clasp it in mine for any length of time.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Handshakes aren't an intimate act. Hand HOLDING is. Hence, why I don't mind shaking a stranger's hand, but I don't want to clasp it in mine for any length of time.

 

it is intimate to some of us though ;)

[smrtmama]

it is intimate to some of us though ;)

 

It's not socially/culturally intimate. There's nothing implied through a handshake other than "nice to meet you."

 

If physical contact in general is uncomfortable for you, that's another story. Of course, you shouldn't ever have to touch anyone you don't want to touch, but apart from the touching thing, no one should feel pressured into a false expression of intimacy/connectedness with someone.

[Ellie]

I have no qualms about shaking hand with someone when we meet. It is customary. We are both doing it voluntarily (probably, anyway :lol:). It is not being done to make us feel artificially warm and fuzzy with each other.

[gaillardia]

I shake hands with strangers.

The handshake I don't like to receive is the one where my hand is being approached with what I perceive to be this attitude: "I am royalty, you are not; (or) I am the president, you are not."

Do you know what I mean? It is not a handshake that clasps mine the way I am clasping theirs, in a true handshake form, no. It is like they think I have cooties. And they shake everyone's hand like that.

Sorry. Had to say it.:tongue_smilie:

But I would not like to hold hands in church.

[Parrothead]

Same here, but I honestly would prefer if a slight bow were to come back in style. When I am nervous, my hands sweat, and I hate having someone shake my hand when my hand is damp. Plus, I think it would help the spread of disease.

If the bow comes back for men, then the curtsy will have to come back for women. That means a lot of other old social norms will have to be brought back into play because one only curtsies to a social superior. And a man only bows to one of senior social rank.

 

As for the handshake, I'm okay with it. Unless I'm meeting a man who thinks the "bone crusher" is appropriate. I've actually taken to just offering my fingers for a very "ladylike" handshake. The arthritis in my hand makes me want to whimper if squeezed too much.

[Violet Crown]

I'm an enthusiastic hand-shaker, even hugger, being Texan and all. But I strongly dislike pretending that promiscuous handshaking around the pews is in any way similar to the ancient liturgical "kiss of peace."

[Impish]

I do my best to avoid it. Unfortunately, too often I'm stuck facing someone with their hand outstretched. Ignoring it is rude. I *can't* shake their hands without hours of escalating pain after. So, I end up grasping their hand with my left, which creates the kiss-the-back-of-the-lady's-hand clasp. Embarrassing! And of course, it *always* leads to the question of what's wrong with my right hand/arm, which also makes me squirm. I just say, "nerve damage" and leave it at that if at all possible.

 

Never ceases to amaze me how many ppl want details. :glare:

[FaithManor]

I shake hands happily during about five months of the year - April through the end of September. I stop for flu season. It's a habit left over from ds's years of "keep him healthy so we don't have to do heart surgery". Though ds is healthy as a horse now and heart is fine, it tuned me in to just how much disease is spread from things like this. So, I instinctively keep my hands clasped together and warmly, verbally greet them while kind of quickly giving them the head nod. Someone may think I'm weird but for the most part, it has been accepted without social awkwardness.

 

Faith

[missmoe]

I would prefer to not shake hands, but it is culturally expected here. My problem is not a germ thing. But rather a touching thing! I prefer not to be hugged or touched by those outside my immediate family.

[lionfamily1999]

I'm an enthusiastic hand-shaker, even hugger, being Texan and all. But I strongly dislike pretending that promiscuous handshaking around the pews is in any way similar to the ancient liturgical "kiss of peace."

:lol:

[Rosie_0801]

I'd rather not shake hands, but anything is better than being expected to hug everyone. There are very few people I hug willingly, not many more I choose to hug to be polite, and everyone else ought to nick off. I really, really hate hugging other people's husbands. Dude, you have a wife and kids, you have other people you're on hugging terms with, I am not them. If you want me to like you, don't touch! (And don't make me repeat that a second, third or fourth time because there aren't many polite ways to say it.)

 

Rosie

[shinyhappypeople]

I don't love shaking hands with strangers, but I'll do it and be pleasant about it. I just don't enjoy touching people I don't know. It's not a germ thing, either.

[Crissy]

While I don't like holding stranger's hands in church, I have no problem with shaking hands during the greeting time. I think that holding hands is more intimate because it is extended.

 

 

 

I agree. I dislike the idea of any sort of forced intimacy. I would be highly irritated with such an instruction from any of my church leaders.

Shaking hands and holding hands are very different, in my opinion.

Edited October 19, 2010 by Crissy

[Daisy]

I'd rather not shake hands, but anything is better than being expected to hug everyone. There are very few people I hug willingly, not many more I choose to hug to be polite, and everyone else ought to nick off. I really, really hate hugging other people's husbands. Dude, you have a wife and kids, you have other people you're on hugging terms with, I am not them. If you want me to like you, don't touch! (And don't make me repeat that a second, third or fourth time because there aren't many polite ways to say it.)

 

Rosie

 

Rosie, you rock!

 

I hate shaking hands, but I hate hugs more. I loathe hugs. Please people! Can you NOT see the 2 foot invisible force field encircling me at all times? No touchy-touchy!

 

However, I do shake hands in church and I encourage my children to do the same. Grin and bear it because being rude is EVEN worse than shaking hands. :glare:

 

I'm not holding hands for some kumbaya time though. No filippin' way.

[Garga]

I'm the one with the church that asks us to hold hands and sometimes pray for the person next to you. (even if it's a stranger.)

 

However, I have no problem with shaking hands in greeting. It's just the extended contact of 'holding hands' that I don't like.

 

Personally, I think I don't like holding hands because, for adults, if you hold hands with someone it's generally because you're dating them or married to them. (not counting holding a child's hand.) So, holding someone's hand feels soooo intimate to me.

 

But, in our culture, shaking hands briefly (for a second or 2) is an acceptable form of greeting and is not intimate. So, I'm ok with it.

 

Of course, I keep hand sanitizer in my purse and as soon as the greeting portion of church is done, I use it on the sly.

[HRAAB]

I've learned to relax quite a bit. I shake hands with strangers (we shake hands at the beginning of Mass and during the Sign of Peace). We also hold hands during the Lord's Prayer. I'm not saying I'm totally, 100% comfortable with it, but I do it with a smile, and it hasn't hurt me, so far.

 

Hugging - not so much. I have friends who always hug, and I don't want to hurt their feelings so I hug back. The only men I hug besides my hubby are family members. I'm not sure how I would handle it if a friend's dh tried to hug me. Glad it hasn't happened.

[MamaBearTeacher]

I can't stand it when people shake my hands during cold/flu season. I feel like I want to immediately wash my hands. I can't stand being sick. I don't mind handshaking so much in the summer.

 

I actually like being hugged but if someone hugs me and then later is cold or mean in any way I will judge that person harshly. I am not usually the one to initiate shaking hands or being hugged because I fear rejection and I don't want to invade anyone's space.

[pqr]

Of course I shake hands with strangers, it is only people who I know and whose behavior I find extremely unethical that I refuse to shake hands with.

[MamaSheep]

Of course I shake hands with strangers, it is only people who I know and whose behavior I find extremely unethical that I refuse to shake hands with.

:lol:

[Brilliant]

I didn't realize I was in such a small minority. I think shaking hands is pretty gross - I've read the studies about how many people actually wash their hands with soap & water after using the toilet.

[Nestof3]

I'm really only talking about a slight bow of the head for both genders. Maybe I watch too many period dramas, but men and women gave a slight bow to one another not just based on rank. I think it gets the point across without having to touch. And, I see no need for other social norms to HAVE to come back. Why would everything need to be copied?

 

If the bow comes back for men, then the curtsy will have to come back for women. That means a lot of other old social norms will have to be brought back into play because one only curtsies to a social superior. And a man only bows to one of senior social rank.

 

As for the handshake, I'm okay with it. Unless I'm meeting a man who thinks the "bone crusher" is appropriate. I've actually taken to just offering my fingers for a very "ladylike" handshake. The arthritis in my hand makes me want to whimper if squeezed too much.

[justamouse]

I appreciate good, firm handshakes. I cannot STAND wimpy handshakes from men or women.

[lionfamily1999]

I appreciate good, firm handshakes. I cannot STAND wimpy handshakes from men or women.

:iagree: I don't handle dead fish for a living for a reason.

[KidsHappen]

Well, while I generally don't like to be touched by people I don't know intimately, I will shake hands if need be. However, I feel like praying is quite a bit more intimate than shaking hands. I will bow my head when someone else prays but I prefer to pray privately. To both pray and hold someone's hand at the same time would be entirely too intimate to do with someone who was not immediate family. I don't go to church.

[Laura Corin]

I didn't realize I was in such a small minority. I think shaking hands is pretty gross - I've read the studies about how many people actually wash their hands with soap & water after using the toilet.

 

I just reckon that our bodies are pretty good at dealing with germs. In my family, we all wash our hands after using the toilet and before eating, but otherwise I don't worry. We rarely get ill - I can't remember the last time that any of us had a stomach upset, which one would think would result from other people's poor toileting habits.

 

Laura

[Peela]

I just reckon that our bodies are pretty good at dealing with germs. In my family, we all wash our hands after using the toilet and before eating, but otherwise I don't worry. We rarely get ill - I can't remember the last time that any of us had a stomach upset, which one would think would result from other people's poor toileting habits.

 

Laura

 

I have often wondered where this obsession with germs came from..then I watched a bit of commercial TV recently, and half the ads were for pain killers (cos no one wants to feel anything anymore) and the other half were for various things to kill germs. Smiling mothers killing all those nasty germs in their homes. Wow, how did we as a species survive so many thousands of generations without dettol or pine-o-clean? Well, the fittest of us survived because we had strong immune systems- and the rest didnt. I wonder what will happen now?

 

I have never instigated a wash hands before meals rule- only after toileting and when they actually feel dirty. We rarely get sick.

[Laura Corin]

I have often wondered where this obsession with germs came from..then I watched a bit of commercial TV recently, and half the ads were for pain killers (cos no one wants to feel anything anymore) and the other half were for various things to kill germs. Smiling mothers killing all those nasty germs in their homes. Wow, how did we as a species survive so many thousands of generations without dettol or pine-o-clean? Well, the fittest of us survived because we had strong immune systems- and the rest didnt. I wonder what will happen now?

 

I have never instigated a wash hands before meals rule- only after toileting and when they actually feel dirty. We rarely get sick.

 

David Mitchell.

 

We started washing our hands before eating during the bird flu scare when we were living in China: hens used to peck around in the street and some of our neighbours had pet hens that were let out into the courtyard where the boys used to play. I thought that was a specific risk worth paying attention to.

 

Laura

[TravelingChris]

My issue isn't germs but rather my arthritis. I avoid shaking hands because too many people either squeeze your hand or shake it too vigorously.

[Night Elf]

I don't mind handshakes. I find a big difference between shaking hands with a stranger and holding their hands during a prayer. The contact in prayer is longer and more intimate.

[Audrey]

I do my best to avoid it. Unfortunately, too often I'm stuck facing someone with their hand outstretched. Ignoring it is rude. I *can't* shake their hands without hours of escalating pain after. So, I end up grasping their hand with my left, which creates the kiss-the-back-of-the-lady's-hand clasp. Embarrassing! And of course, it *always* leads to the question of what's wrong with my right hand/arm, which also makes me squirm. I just say, "nerve damage" and leave it at that if at all possible.

 

Never ceases to amaze me how many ppl want details. :glare:

 

 

 

You could offer your left hand then lean in for the air kisses. This is how women greet each other here all. the. time. They will greet men that way as well. (But men do not air kiss each other -- they just seem to nod at each other and grunt an unintelligible, yet mutually understandable utterance. :001_huh:)

 

People won't embarrass you with unwelcome questions. They will start thinking you are more "cosmopolitan." :D