BikeBookBread Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) Our family takes "vacations" to visit family. Usually, one week of tension, worry, guilt, smoothing things over, etc. I am to the point that I dread it. Please don't get me wrong: I LOVE my family. It's just that our relationships are becoming increasingly complicated. My parents are elderly, DH's family is much more easy-going, but still is a challenge to visit. We never want to withhold grandparent time from our children because we have troubles with parents. The assumption in our home since we married has always been if we fly anywhere, it is to visit family. We have never taken a family vacation elsewhere: to the beach, mountains, amusement park, etc... Do you consider visiting family taking a vacation? Edited June 8, 2010 by BikeBookBread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 No, visiting family is pretty much what you describe. It is NOT a vacation. Since the only family member that behaves is dh's mom, we do not visit family more than once every few years. At present it has been about 2 years since we have seen some of the others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 No. It would be a lesson in endurance that I paid dearly for...and not just financially. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rookie Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Um, no. I would consider it an obligation with DH's family and Hell on Earth with mine. We take our vacation with OUR family: DH, the dc, and me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 We had our very first "vacation" in May of last year ~ I took the kids and flew back east to visit family.. we stayed at my MIL's place and had lots of fun. In the fall, dh did the same* - flew down & stayed at his mom's place. Those were definitely vacations. :) (*we can't go away together because of our pets) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I do consider it a vacation but my parents live in Naples, FL and we live in Iowa. I would even consider going to IL to visit relatives a vacation also. As long as I get to leave home for a couple days I call it a vacation :001_smile: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I responded other. We don't live near family so if we want to see them, we have to use vacation days to do that. Out of 21 vacation days, at least 18 are spent with his family or mine (usually mine). We love our families, though, so while it isn't what people think of as vacation it is our break from routine. We went to Spain one year for two weeks. We were still visiting family because my sister lived there at the time. We even took Dh's sister along to help with the adult/child ration. It was fun. We saw family and toured Spain. It was affordable because we only stayed in hotels two nights, and my sister provided most of the food and gas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Nope. Those are trips. NOT vacations! A vacation to me is where I get to relax and not have to worry about cooking, cleaning, entertainment, etc. I want it all handed to me on a silver platter!!! LOL We only took trips until two years ago when we started vacationing. We much prefer vacationing!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) Yes. Going to see "Mama 'n 'em" is considered vacation. That's just the way we do it in my family. Edited June 8, 2010 by Blessedfamily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 We love our family, in fact I think dh is on the phone with my mom right now. If it's our plan to visit family for vacation, it's vacation. It's not always want I want for vacation, we love the beach, and they are no where near the beach. We can never seem to stretch a trip to see family and the "full" * beach vacation. *we're close enough to spend the weekend on a decent beach, but we prefer the white sands of Florida, which is not a weekend trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Nope. Those are trips. NOT vacations! A vacation to me is where I get to relax and not have to worry about cooking, cleaning, entertainment, etc. I want it all handed to me on a silver platter!!! LOL We only took trips until two years ago when we started vacationing. We much prefer vacationing!!!! :iagree: On a vacation, we're able to decide what we want to do and when we want to do it without having to dabble in family politics. I'm not expected to help clean up the kitchen after meals, and someone comes and makes my bed daily and empties the trash. I do (mostly) enjoy trips to see family, but vacations they are not. We mostly take trips because both sets of parents are 18 hours away by car (and 12 hours away from each other), and my Grandma/extended family is 9 hours away by car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Sort of. Dh has to use 'vacation time' so, it is 'vacation'. But, we don't have difficult relationships, at least with my side! His side is close enough that we don't have to use vacation time. It is certainly a break for us when we visit my family- my parents babysit and we can actually go out! And they take us out to eat a lot. But, since I want to spend much more time with my family than dh has vacation time, I usually go without him. He drops us off at one airport and my parents pick us up at the other- we probably go for a week every 3-4 months. This year all vacation time will be used when our daughter is born...so, that won't exactly be a 'vacation'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I consider them vacations. But I also acknowledge that I could use another vacation right afterward just for me;) One thing we've done lately is to make sure we rent a vehicle for ourselves. It gives us a break to be able to drive to the store or a park if we need to get away from family. And it helps to be by ourselves when we are all going on an outing together. Of course we have had to put up with a lot of flack for being so wasteful with our money but I'm good and don't tell them that we consider the money well spent in order to give us a sanity break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debbie in London Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 It depends on if it's my family or his. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I responded "other" because for us, it depends. When we go to CO over President's Weekend to ski and family joins us, it's a vacation - we love hanging with those cousins and having their kids and our DS have oodles of time together. When my parents invite DS to Disney for his birthday (annual tradition now) and I go, it's vacation since I get along well with my parents and we have fun while we're at Disney......but going to their house - to me that's a visit, not a vacation - still get along well with them, but it's where I grew up, so not really a "vacation" in my mind. Going to my sister's or on a trip with my sister - most definitely not a vacation....she's high maintenance and creates all kinds of stress - I only tolerate it so DS has time with his cousins and aunt/uncle - if she had no kids, I'd be hard pressed to spend more time with her! When we do visit her, we no longer stay at her house, but at a nearby hotel to avoid the stress. Other cousins and family -- vacation no matter where we're staying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Visiting family is not a vacation, it's an obligation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Visiting family is not a vacation, it's an obligation. This. We do visit family, who are all 500 miles away by design, twice a year. It is most definitely not our vacation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I'm surprised at how many people are voting 'no' on this....I was all excited last year, about going on our very first "vacation" back east to stay with MIL- which apparently wouldn't be a "vacation" by many standards here. :laugh: I think a fancy hotel/resort kinda thing would stress me out WAY more than a visit with family. :tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 DH and I are from the same small hometown, which happens to be halfway across the country from where we presently live. Visiting "home" is certainly NOT a vacation. It is hell, on a good day. :glare: We try to add in some fun things, like a trip to their zoo, but then we just get flack for not spending time with family. We have an extremely active young boy. My step-mother-in-law has dozens of china dolls down at floor level in antique brass beds. My mother hoards and doesn't even have room to walk through her house, let alone sit down. We are never really sure how they expect our son - who is well-behaved, just active - to spend any amount of time at their homes. Both mothers judge how much time we spend with the other side of the family and demand equal time. :tongue_smilie: I could go on, but suffice it to say --- it is in no way whatsoever a vacation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 This thread is sad to me. I consider it an obligation but I still count it as vacation. It is vacation if DH has to take vacation time to go there. No, it is not very restful. But it is mostly enjoyable, I love that my children get to spend time with their grandparents, and they are wonderful hosts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Visiting family is not a vacation, it's an obligation. Yes, as is hosting them. I hate, hate, hate it. Did I mention I hate it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 This thread is sad to me. I consider it an obligation but I still count it as vacation. It is vacation if DH has to take vacation time to go there. No, it is not very restful. But it is mostly enjoyable, I love that my children get to spend time with their grandparents, and they are wonderful hosts. You're right. It is sad. I guess I'm just bitter (naughty me!!!) because we have never had a vacation as a family, and won't again this summer. And now that we are moving to VA, and family is Washington State, it will be even harder for us to justify a family vacation that doesn't include a trip to see them. Again, we really DO love them. It's just that there is not one bit of restfulness about a visit to our families. I'm seeking rest right now...a bit of balmy beach with a cool drink in one hand a good book in the other, no family politics, no passive aggressiveness about visiting the "other" in-laws, no "well, we ARE getting old, you know...." guilt. I'm sorry I brought it up, I guess I was just curious if other people had similar experiences. I truly wish I was in that "yes" column... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I love visiting our families (or most of them) but that is not our annual vacation. Our annual vacation is a getaway, like the beach or Orlando or something. Sometimes, some our family does meet up with us at the getaway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I responded other because we usually opt for meeting family somewhere and vacationing with them that way, but I would consider staying with them at their home a vacation also. We also do a vacation just us each year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 It's not always relaxing, but I do consider it a vacation from normal life. Otherwise we'd never have a vacation! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Wow. I Love going to see family. I don't visit people that stress me, but we visit my brother, my sister, my husband's aunt, and his father. They are all vacations. We always plan fun things while we are where ever. Goodness. I also look forward to my brother's anual ski trip to see me. It is great for the kids to spend time together and have more extended family. btw - camping is a favorite vacation too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I said 'no' but I was tempted to say 'other' "H**L NO!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I'm an "other". When we visit family in GA, my mother cooks and cleans, takes us sightseeing and out to dinner... The travel itself is a pita, but the visit is always a vacation. When we meet up with family at another destination, it's a 50/50 vacation. We usually rent a house somewhere and share or take turns with all of the chores and shopping and whatnot. It's fun, but not a complete break from reality. The kids get spoiled, regardless, so it's always a vacation for them! Oh, and on the rare chance I get to fly down all by myself, my mother pampers me like nobody's business! When she comes to stay at my house, I freak out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 It's the only vacations we have ever gotten. We have to travel and it costs money - it's a vacation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 When we were first married, not so much. We tended to just hang around the house. Now, they definitely feel like vacations, because we go and do things with our relatives. Not every day, but most days we are going to the beach, or a museum, or hiking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 You're right. It is sad. I guess I'm just bitter (naughty me!!!) because we have never had a vacation as a family, and won't again this summer. And now that we are moving to VA, and family is Washington State, it will be even harder for us to justify a family vacation that doesn't include a trip to see them. Again, we really DO love them. It's just that there is not one bit of restfulness about a visit to our families. I'm seeking rest right now...a bit of balmy beach with a cool drink in one hand a good book in the other, no family politics, no passive aggressiveness about visiting the "other" in-laws, no "well, we ARE getting old, you know...." guilt. I'm sorry I brought it up, I guess I was just curious if other people had similar experiences. I truly wish I was in that "yes" column... We've tried very hard to convince the in laws to come see us! Of course, for us, that means there are TWO of the in laws coming to visit and for us to see them, that means getting 6 of us over 2000 miles away. For some reason, they only visit once every 1.5 years or so (money is not a problem for them). :glare: Other years, we've made a vacation out of visiting family. We've driven out to AZ twice (and we're doing it again next year). But, we plan things around them! We visit wonderful historical locations on our drive out there. Next year, we're driving to AZ, staying for a week, and then to LA and taking a Mexican Riviera cruise! A trip and a vacation in one!!! Also, little weekend/midweek trips can be vacations. Find a resort and sign up for their email specials. We've found wonderful local places (with indoor water parks) that offer midweek specials (food included) for $149/night for ALL of us!!! That's a VACATION!!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 It depends on the family. Visiting my SIL actually IS a vacation, because the kids are all close to the same age, get along well, and the adults have similar interests and backgrounds (I would define my SIL as a "frustrated homeschooler"-she keeps her kids home until she has to put them in school, afterschools heavily, and generally controls her children's education). Visiting my FIL and other SIL, though, is an obligation. And my brother and his wife are just plain exhausting to be around. And I can get along GREAT with my parents as long as we meet somewhere else and aren't at their house or our house, but as soon as we're on someone's "home turf" it seems to bring out the worst in everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) I voted yes. We love visiting family. At my 16 yo's birthday party in January, we played a game to see who could answer the most questions about her correctly. For her favorite vacation, I thought she would answer Disney, but she said it was going to Grandma's. :001_smile: ETA: After reading other responses, I have to say that going to my mom's is restful because there's nothing to do there. We sleep in, read, play games, go hiking, fish, etc. Disney and the beach are fun, but definitely not restful. I have to come home to rest after those vacations. Edited June 8, 2010 by LizzyBee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxxxxxxx Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Nope. Those are trips. NOT vacations! A vacation to me is where I get to relax and not have to worry about cooking, cleaning, entertainment, etc. I want it all handed to me on a silver platter!!! LOL We only took trips until two years ago when we started vacationing. We much prefer vacationing!!!! :iagree::iagree::iagree: Now we have taken vacations with my parents.......but just to go to their house is not a vacation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I think a fancy hotel/resort kinda thing would stress me out WAY more than a visit with family. :tongue_smilie: That reminds me of how I felt when we went to Hilton Head (on the company's dime). I looked over at dh and said, "We don't belong here." :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) I don't consider them vacations. Our families live about 1000 miles away and only my family comes to visit us. DH's family goes on cruises, camping trips, etc. When we use our vacation time to go visit my inlaws it is stressful. My inlaws never want to go anywhere or do anything; they are usually saving up for their next vacation. Going to visit them becomes a rehashing of everything my SIL and her family has done since our last visit and whirlwind visits to everyone we want to catch up with (an hour or two at one place and an hour or two at another). No day trips to interesting points, no chance to relax and spoil ourselves, etc. We have decided not to use our vacation time for trips back home. We are going to go see things we want to see and do things we want to do. This summer we are going to South Dakota. We are very excited. Edited June 9, 2010 by The Dragon Academy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 No, I do not consider visiting family to be a vacation. That means that we have only ever been on 2 family vacations, one of which my mom came along and paid for everything. I actually got in trouble with mil once when I let slip that I didn't consider visiting to be a vacation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Penance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 The two times we flew out to see MY family in S. California we made it clear before we left when we'd be with various relatives...and when we'd be with old college friends or just doing what we want. It helped that we could have relatives come with us to corral kids at D'Land and Knotts, though (and let them buy the cheaper local resident tickets ;) ) All our other vacations have been road trips. If a relative is squeezed in (such as Aunt Mary Sister Thomas More in Nashville) for a few hours once or twice during the visit - great (free dinner at the convent! Nuns make interesting food). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m0mmaBuck Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 No. We visit family, but we tend to schedule a "vacation" around the visit. Let me explain. For example, we are flying to WI to visit my family this summer. We are flying into Chicago to spend a couple of days there. Then we are driving up to Wisconsin Dells for a few days of water parks, rollercoasters, and boat rides before we head to the family farm for about a week. The "vacation" is Chicago and the Dells. The "visit" is with family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) You're right. It is sad. I guess I'm just bitter (naughty me!!!) because we have never had a vacation as a family, and won't again this summer. And now that we are moving to VA, and family is Washington State, it will be even harder for us to justify a family vacation that doesn't include a trip to see them. Again, we really DO love them. It's just that there is not one bit of restfulness about a visit to our families. I'm seeking rest right now...a bit of balmy beach with a cool drink in one hand a good book in the other, no family politics, no passive aggressiveness about visiting the "other" in-laws, no "well, we ARE getting old, you know...." guilt. I'm sorry I brought it up, I guess I was just curious if other people had similar experiences. I truly wish I was in that "yes" column... The words, "We can't afford it this year," should be practiced daily until you can say it convincingly. Then don't tell anyone on either side of the family you went to ________________. ETA: I told dh a few years ago that there was too much world to explore to be going back to Hometown every year. Edited June 9, 2010 by Parrothead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 That reminds me of how I felt when we went to Hilton Head (on the company's dime). I looked over at dh and said, "We don't belong here." :D No kidding. That is exactly how I feel, lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 DH's famiyl is local- we only catch up every few months though. Its best that way :001_smile: My family however live on the other side of the country and we only visit every 2-3 years and yes, I definitely consider it a holiday. My mum is a wonderful hostess- you know, I wouldnt like to live with her or anything, but she really has a wonderful knack for looking after us all for the few days we visit. Great cook. She is not a difficult person for me to be around for a few days and since I see her so rarely, I value it. My brother and dad live a fair way from mum, and my brother has 6 kids and we LOVE visiting them and their chaotic, happy family. They have a separate guest space. They barely change their routine when we arrive and we kind of just have to blend in with their family- and we really love it. Dad and his wife..well, they are a little more challenging but we dont stay with them, we just make a few visits. All in all...we make it work for us, and its just me and the two kids who do the visit every few years and we have a great time. We make sure we spend half the time with my brother and his family because thats where we have the most fun! But the rest is good too. I think because I left home at such a young age (16) and havent lived near my family for my whole adult life, they really value me and make sure I feel welcome. My brother, who has lived closer and been more involved, has a lot more "issues" with them than I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Nope. Those are trips. NOT vacations! A vacation to me is where I get to relax and not have to worry about cooking, cleaning, entertainment, etc. I want it all handed to me on a silver platter!!! LOL That's what I love about visiting my folks and my IL's- they spoil me by pretty much waiting on us hand & foot. Seriously, I have to fight with them just to pitch in a little bit. The flip side of that is that they expect the same kind of treatment when they visit US. So it's a ton of stress on me to have them come out. But it all evens out in the long run :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 This thread is sad to me. I consider it an obligation but I still count it as vacation. It is vacation if DH has to take vacation time to go there. No, it is not very restful. But it is mostly enjoyable, I love that my children get to spend time with their grandparents, and they are wonderful hosts. I find it a little sad, too, but I am thankful to read about others who feel the same way. I always thought I was an oddball for not considering trips to visit family as a vacation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Yes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 DH's family, yes. My family has a dysfunctuional past - think grandma (my mom) who explains she isn;t into grandkids because she already raised kids. In 9 years has never babysat for one minute, although she is hale and healthy. DH's family? So family oriented you would gag. His parents are deceased, but dear aunts and uncles beg to see our boys, cousins write, and when we visit, I can relax knowing lots of people are doting on my boys. We have yet to visit my mom in her new digs, are making another cross-country trip this summer just to stay with DH's aunt and uncle in Montana. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 This thread is sad to me. I consider it an obligation but I still count it as vacation. It is vacation if DH has to take vacation time to go there. No, it is not very restful. But it is mostly enjoyable, I love that my children get to spend time with their grandparents, and they are wonderful hosts. It's not sad in every case - - I voted for it not being a vacation, but I still quite enjoy visiting family. As others have said, in my mind it's a trip, it's a visit, but it's not a vacation. I guess my criteria tends to be picking the location and activities that my own family will enjoy, not planning around a specified location and coordinating the time and activities around others. Hmm, what else? A trip/visit is about spending time with grandparents and other family, while a vacation is about planning experiences and spending time with my own (nuclear) family. Sometimes, other family or friends join us on vacation, and it's still vacation, :D. I guess the difference is that we are planning an experience for our family, and others may or may not join us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Maybe for us it doesn't seem like a vacation because it's just going back to where we grew up. This past summer I invited my two sisters to meet us about halfway and we spent a few days seeing some sights. That way we got to visit AND vacation. Then we continued on to where our family lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 It's not sad in every case - - I voted for it not being a vacation, but I still quite enjoy visiting family. As others have said, in my mind it's a trip, it's a visit, but it's not a vacation. I guess my criteria tends to be picking the location and activities that my own family will enjoy, not planning around a specified location and coordinating the time and activities around others. Hmm, what else? A trip/visit is about spending time with grandparents and other family, while a vacation is about planning experiences and spending time with my own (nuclear) family. Sometimes, other family or friends join us on vacation, and it's still vacation, :D. I guess the difference is that we are planning an experience for our family, and others may or may not join us. :iagree: A vacation is choosing your own destination and making your own plans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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