If you are a somewhat dominant personality...

[Laura Corin]

... I don't mean that you are an ogre, just that you run a 'tight ship' and have decided opinions. Do you ever wonder if you home educate because it gives you more control over your (and your children's) lives, rather than because it's a good educational choice? Is it possible to disentangle those two motivations?

 

I visited an excellent school today and came home to write pro and con lists for school and home ed. It set me wondering about my motivation.

 

Let's try not to get too personal..... please? If you happen to be a Meyers-Briggs INTJ, it would be interesting if you mentioned that.

 

Thanks

 

Laura

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have been known to tell people that one of my reasons for homeschooling is "that I don't delegate well". They laugh - but it's true!

 

But having said that - over the years I've seen a greater divide between the product of my home school and the public and private schools in my area. So I have continued to homeschool for academic reasons.

[Carrie12345]

I believe I'm an even 50/50 on those two reasons, and I don't think it's possible for *me to separate the two. Or maybe it's just that I don't want to. ;)

 

I am, indeed, and INTJ!

[sweetfeet]

I absolutely have control issues. I would say it is a major part of my decision to homeschool. I have a few friends who would say the same about themselves.

[Erica in PA]

... I don't mean that you are an ogre, just that you run a 'tight ship' and have decided opinions. Do you ever wonder if you home educate because it gives you more control over your (and your children's) lives, rather than because it's a good educational choice? Is it possible to disentangle those two motivations?

 

I visited an excellent school today and came home to write pro and con lists for school and home ed. It set me wondering about my motivation.

 

Let's try not to get too personal..... please? If you happen to be a Meyers-Briggs INTJ, it would be interesting if you mentioned that.

 

Thanks

 

Laura

 

I'm an ISTJ, which I wouldn't think would be tooo much different from an INTJ. I think being a perfectionist gives me more confidence in educating my children at home, because I *know* that I will be diligent and do a good job. I can be sure that they will learn to the best of their ability, whereas if they were to go to school I can't really make sure of that, even if they were to go to an excellent school. Not every student in an excellent school gets an excellent education, kwim? In a way that is about control, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I don't want to be in control of my dc's education because I want to control them, but because I can make sure they get the best education possible. It's a fine line, though, I see what you mean.

[Alice]

I'm an INTJ and I definitly am a perfectionist who likes control.

 

It's early in the homeschool process for me to have a lot of insight into all my motivations but I know myself well enough to know that being in control is part of it. I don't currently know of a school in our area that I would say is excellent that we can afford. Plus, I like homeschooling so far. Both dh and I are trying to approach the decision to homeschool with the attitude that we will do it as long as we think we are giving our kids a better education than they can get elsewhere. I can see though that the more invested I get in homeschooling the harder it would be to stop. Hope that makes sense. I'm at work and writing quickly.

[LG Gone Wild]

... I don't mean that you are an ogre, just that you run a 'tight ship' and have decided opinions. Do you ever wonder if you home educate because it gives you more control over your (and your children's) lives, rather than because it's a good educational choice? Is it possible to disentangle those two motivations?

 

I visited an excellent school today and came home to write pro and con lists for school and home ed. It set me wondering about my motivation.

 

Let's try not to get too personal..... please? If you happen to be a Meyers-Briggs INTJ, it would be interesting if you mentioned that.

 

Thanks

 

Laura

 

Yes, I do want control over their lives because kids need supervision and a lot of adult input. Don't we harp about how out of control kids are today? Where are the parents and so forth? Well, here I am!

 

Part of what I have come to find out is that if my kids went to school, I would always be behind. I would never really know what it is their are supposed to be learning or what is expected of them to do well in the class. I learned this when my son started scouting. On the occasions where he went to the meetings by himself, he didn't really understand what he was supposed to do for the next meeting or if he did, he didn't communicate that to me very well or at all. I would then e-mail the leaders to get the straight skinny. It was always catch up. School would be so much worse.

 

Plus, I can't stand to be on anyone's plantation.

 

As for running a tight ship, only in my dreams.

 

I took that personality test and came up squarely in the middle. I was like four different blocks.

Edited March 9, 2009 by LG Gone Wild

[Snickerdoodle]

I can't stand to be on anyone's plantation.

 

 

<snort>

 

:lol:

[Laura Corin]

I can see though that the more invested I get in homeschooling the harder it would be to stop.

 

This is my sixth home educating year.

 

Laura

[Perry]

I know I am controlling and I'm sure that plays a part in my desire to homeschool. OTOH, if we had an excellent school available, they'd be there in a heartbeat.

 

I'm an INTJ.

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

Ok I just wrote a similar thing on my blog- So I will post about it here, since it ties in a little bit with what you are talking about.

 

I find that most homeschool parents are a tad bit controlling and that is OK.

 

My Entry

Recently, I found myself in a discussion with a mature women who had raised a bundle of kids. She had eluded that one of her children was a “helicopter parentâ€. I laughed because I wondered if it was a subtle comment meant for me, or perhaps I was just feeling a little defensive, but it definitely got me thinking about how much “micro managing†I do for all my children? Most homeschool parents to some degree or another, are huge micro managers by default. There is a ton of detail to pay attention too. In public school, others do the micro managing, but as a parent, teacher, my own personal financial advisor, and small business owner, I am about as managed as they come. I admit that I pay excessive attention to many minor details. That has been a strength, and at times a weakness. The ability to parent well is to learn to manage and drop the control part of “micro-managingâ€.

 

I grew up in an environment where you learned to take responsibility for actions - this was, and still, is called a consequence. It was on my mind when I dated, when I studied , when I chose my college courses, and when I looked at my career options. I still reinforce that principle in my own life today.

 

As an elementary parent- you do a lot of hovering. There are a lot of decisions to be made. In middle school, kids start making their choices, and start taking a step away from the parents. They are taking advice from coaches, teachers and leaders in their various organizations. In addition, they are taking advice from their peers. With middle schoolers this can become complicated, it is flat out hard to decide when to push and when to let go. It is my responsibility to teach a sense of personal accountability, without hovering, which can backfire.

 

Parenting is a tough gig. I learned that this weekend as we created our freshman year schedule. You know what your children are capable of and in this day and age, it is hard to not want to give them the world. It is tough to find that balance of giving and taking, of hovering and letting go. It is flat out hard to teach choice and consequence without letting them skid a little at the bottom of the barrel. We’ve all been there, and I am sure you know what I am talking about?

 

To the best of my ability, I let my kids find their unique talents and gifts naturally guide them. Homeschool helps a lot with this, because you spend so much time with your kids, you learn what they can do, without any ridiculous testing or some arbitrary method.

 

On the flip side, it can be a tad bit discouraging when you discover that they have God-given gifts that they are just wasting, or they have no motivation to get going. This causes me to head right into micro management mode-implementing processes and procedures, executing orders and instructions on every occasion possible. Totally ineffective parenting!

 

We had this incredible family night tonight that started out as a dinner turned lecture, turned spiritual experience, I was the “mean mom†getting on the kids about living slothful lives, Brian was the “bad Dadâ€- talking about terrible manners, and then we managed to turn it around- where we just discussed started talking about taking advantage of your gifts and talents that you have been given. We discussed getting the best education which is a key to opening the door of the future. One of my kids said “you can crash down the door- you don’t need the key!†Quick wasn’t it? I was impressed with this child’s ability to think on his feet. Brian immediately responded by saying you sure can, but you will be spending a lot of time, putting the door back on hinges, repainting and repairing. When you use your gifts and your education you have the ability to walk through door and close it and keep moving forward, while other people are doing the repairing.

 

So where am I going with this? I don’t know- but it is on my mind.

I think what I am trying to say- is you have to do a fair amount of HOVERING. We hover when we teach. We do a fair amount hovering when we support or attend extracurricular activities. Parents that hover by teaching “choice and consequence†are helping to guide their children down a successful path. Now if you are running missed lunches to school, doing homework essays for your children, or calling the college guidance counselor then you are doing too much.

 

It is all about balance, and less about control.

[Paula in PA]

Well, some of my family have been known to imply I'm doing it for control because they consider me a control freak. And they may have a bit of a point. :blushing: But I think it's more about the academics for me. The schools around here are hardly all that great and the sheer focus on standardized testing is something we strongly oppose.

 

So I guess for me it's a little bit about control, but mostly it's because I believe that we are giving her a better and more thorough education here at home.

 

BTW, I am INTJ as well.

[Aubrey]

I'm INTJ, & if you count K, I've been hs'ing for 4 yrs. I've been planning *how* I'd hs ever since my mom gave up when I was in 1st g.

 

I know what you mean. I'm glad sometimes that there aren't good schools & that we don't have the $ to have to face that decision.

 

BUT I think we tend to put ourselves into false dilemmas. Just because we have personalities that like more control & we're in a situation where we *have* control, does not nec. mean that this is bad. Can you reassess your hs'ing based on other factors?

 

For me, once or twice a yr I worry that the dc would be better off in school because I'm not doing things to *my* standards. Dh goes through, point by point showing me clearly how much better their math, reading, social, writing, etc. skills are than they would be, even if I were to get a GREAT job & send them to GREAT schools.

 

Beyond this, though, we keep our dc home for other nonacademic reasons. To keep an eye on (& yes, control) their peer contacts. To encourage strong family relationships. To answer their religious, philosophical questions. Etc.

 

Ok, now that I write that out, it does sound like control. But I believe that our children have been given to us to shape & manage &...I don't know...help them become beautiful people. I guess that *does* mean letting go sometimes.

 

Huh. I thought I had a great answer when I started out. :leaving:

[MBM]

We afterschool. It's less a matter of control and more a matter of filling in gaps or teaching the subject matter using better material.

 

So far, so good.

[Emmy]

I think there is some validity to the idea - yes. I wouldn't call myself a control freak but I am not one to go the status quo on *anything*. I didn't give my babies gerber baby cereal in their bottles just cause that's what my mom did; I don't buy my kids personal gaming systems at 4 cause all our friends do and I don't send my kids to the public school because that's what "everyone" does. I research, give things thought, and decide what I think is the best fit for our family and for the vision I have for my kids.

 

I am ENTJ btw. :)

 

I do agree with the poster above - and your comment - about how the longer we do this, the harder it will be to consider school as an option. My dh and I have been talking as of late about private school. We never intended to homeschool long term so we've been discussing our options. We have a great Christian school in the area where many of my son's church friends attend. They use Abeka so I know the grammar and math will be strong. But I keep pointing out the faults to my dh - what about history and science? It's too workbooky and what about Latin and what about this or that and the other thing....I can't help but look at it and see it's failings as compared to the customized education I can provide. Of course that customized education comes at the price of my sanity at times LOL.

[Heather in Neverland]

I am absolutely INTJ and I homeschool for both reasons: I think most public schools are atrocious and I want to control my children's curriculum.

[Nestof3]

I am an INTJ.

 

I homeschool for both of the reasons you mentioned -- the control and the education. To me it's more about just controlling what they eat in a day, it's about instilling values, seeing character traits that need work, etc. It's also about being the mom I feel called to be -- and that includes home educating.

 

I am certain that in the younger years, I am providing a better education. I experienced first hand with our eldest what it was like to sit on the sidelines checking up on him, not being able to do anything about his lack of attention in the classroom, being told my son needed Ritalin, etc. I experienced the lack of time to really just enjoy one's childhood and to have time to explore their interests.

 

For the older years, it's really about more than academics. I know I've mentioned it a thousand times on this board, but for us, it's also about giving our sons an opportunity to learn a trade and earn a ton of money. It gives our sons a chance to spend time with Dad really learning work ethic.

 

I also avoid public school for political and governmental reasons.

[elegantlion]

I don't have a controlling personality, I leave that to dh. :D However when ds was in prek and K in a private school I felt very out of control, out of the loop with his education. He never wanted to talk about school and I did want to be the fly on the wall watching him.

 

I know my dh enjoys having control over our choice of schooling and I feel very protective about his education. Fortunately I know he trusts me.

[dhudson]

I'm an ENTJ and I know :blush: I have a strong personality and like to have control over things. My dh was private schooled and I was public and home schooled and we had decided early in our marriage that our children would not be public schooled. My dh gave me until my oldest was in third to home school and then we would re-evaluate. By then time our ds was in 3rd my dh had firmly agreed that home school was they way to go even though we have an excellent Christian Classical Private School at our church. Our oldest, now in 6th, will start taking a class or two next year there but will remain at home for the majority of time.

 

I think we home school now because we see the difference in character and academics that our children show. I think I may have started home schooling because I didn't think anyone could have done a better job. I think I still think that. :glare: Maybe control, and possibly arrogance but an overriding love for my children and a knowing that this is the best thing for them.

[ekarl2]

I used to teach PS middle school English. My decision to homeschool is partly based on the knowledge that my chances of my kids having middle school teachers who teach what I think they should learn at that age are non-existent. I'm less opinionated about high school stuff, believe it or not. I just want to make sure they get the skills and knowledge foundations taught before they go off to high school. There are so many kids in public and private schools that are taught so much rubbish and waste in the middle school years.

[MrsMe]

Nope, not a dominant person in general. In my neck of the woods, ps's are toxic. And IMPO most are. I'm sure there are some out there that aren't. We also live in the boonies. I also know that my child is my responsibility, not someone elses' to conform them as they wish for most of the hours that my child is awake. But it can be easy to become controlling by having them home all day. I try my hardest not to though, but that doesn't mean I don't fail. That's what Daddy is for. To keep me in line and make sure my child is also having fun and being adventurous.

[flyingmommy]

I prefer to call it "guidance" instead of "control."

 

I also know that I will not move on till my child understands and masters the material. Public school doesn't care and we are still paying the price for my daughter's years there. I don't think public school is evil, it's just not what is best for my children.

 

J

[Mama Anna]

I'm an ESFJ. I'm very detail-oriented and often have trouble "seeing the forest for the trees" - that's why God gave me my dh! :)

 

It's interesting when I try to pin down my reasons for homeschooling. I think though, that at the base a large reason is that I can do it "my way." I was raised in a home-culture that heavily emphasized customization - from an outside shower on the open back porch to the huge canvas bag in the basement to catch anything coming down the clothes-chute (sp?) and I think that a good part of my motivation comes from wanting to customize things. One brother is a computer programmer and another loves the metal-bending aspect of HVAC work - at least 3 out of 4 siblings love customization.

 

How much of this is control-oriented? Probably quite a bit. But there's also a solid conviction that mass-production can never suit a specific situation as well as something custom-designed.

 

Is that an answer? :lol:

 

Mama Anna

[AuntPol]

Oh yes, control is a big part of it for me. My daughter is government school in 4th grade (she will be home in 3 weeks) and my son made it to second grade in government school. It drove me absolutely bonkers to see my kids get a mediocre education that is often at odds with my personal values, deal with crazy gangster kids, not be pushed to excel at all (and if fact encouraged not to excel) and then go to a conference and be told everything is " just fine". I also hated always having to play twenty questions to find out anything.

 

I discovered that the school definition of a good, involved parent was one who bought extra supplies, baked cookies for teacher lounge, gave lavish presents, never asked questions and loaded tons of compliments and complained loudly about how overworked and underpaid teachers were. I, of course, asked questions, persisted to know exactly what did "differentiation" entail for my child, etc. I haven't even joined PTA last two years because it those meetings were so ulcer-inducing. I am sure there will be a happy dance in the office when I pull my daughter out at end of the quarter.

[elise1mds]

I'm an ISTJ (light on the S), and I will start homeschooling my son this fall. I could say this choice is not a control issue, but that wouldn't be entirely true because I'm having a blast looking through curriculum and planning his education, and I definitely run a "tight ship." I could say homeschooling is also a good educational choice, and that would be true, too. The public schools in my area are pretty awful, but we've had him in a private school for a couple of years and that school isn't bad. My daughter is going to continue to go there unless she asks to come home. Primarily I will be homeschooling because HE is not happy in the school environment. He's bored, he's ADHD with sensory integration issues (medicated, but still), and he has been acting up because of that combo. Homeschooling is more practical, and I can't argue with that, even if it is "easier" for me to send him to school every day and just deal with homework. If I could send him to a good school that would push him academically and still work with his issues, I wouldn't have a problem with delegating the educational side of things. I just haven't found one I can afford. My tune might change once I really get into actually teaching, but that's what I think my philosophy is right now: It'll be better for him, but it's not set in stone forever (yet)!

[Paula in PA]

I prefer to call it "guidance" instead of "control."

 

Oh, I like that. I have to remember it the next time someone implies I'm too controlling. "No, I'm not controlling, I'm guiding." :tongue_smilie:

[Colleen in NS]

... I don't mean that you are an ogre, just that you run a 'tight ship' and have decided opinions. Do you ever wonder if you home educate because it gives you more control over your (and your children's) lives, rather than because it's a good educational choice?

 

Not really. I homeschool *because* dh and I have decided opinions about how we want to raise and educate our kids. It started off because it looked like fun, but my opinions for continuing to home educate my kids have gotten more decided. So I guess it's the decidedness that keeps me going when I doubt my abilities.

 

I also know there will come a day when I won't have control over my kids' lives, so I'm doing my best to prepare them to be able to make well-thought out decisions when it's their turn to make the decisions. I also just plain old want to make the most of the time I do have to make the best relationship with them that I can.

[chai]

Another INTJ here. I had never considered that I am home schooling because I am controlling. That definitely was not my original reason to educate my dd at home, because I "fell" into this when dd was so precocious.

 

I'm planning on homeschooling through high school for many reasons--and I must admit that having some control fits into that. My dream, though, is that homeschooling will ultimately give dd control over her own education. In fact, the thought of allowing her to go to public HS makes me very uncomfortable. Even though I say that I will only homeschool as long as I can offer dd a better education--part of me is not willing to accept that a school could do a better job as a whole. I know that in some individual subjects with certain teachers, dd could learn more and better, and those are the areas that I plan to outsource. But if I'm being honest I know that dd would do just fine in the right high school.

[LaxMom]

I do, though I don't think I'd say I "run a tight ship". Our decision to home education was based on the <dreadful> quality of the schools here, though. And that my reading 5 year old was not eligible to start until the next year.

 

So, yes, I suppose it was, in some ways, to have control over our kids' education, but only because my eldest's education was controlled by the public schools and we have a very concrete understanding of how substandard they are. (My husband is not the father of my eldest, and I had joint custody with the ex, so homeschooling was not an option)

 

I would say, though I am now a dedicated homeschooler, this option might not have even occurred to us for consideration if we lived elsewhere.

[Kelli in TN]

I don't know what I am on the scale, but I DO know that I am a total control freak. Almost to an unhealthy extent at times!

 

So, yeah, it is pretty hard for me to let go of the reins.

 

But I do think my children are better off for it. The choices we have available to us are not good. The private schools are prohibitively expensive and the public schools are......we they are not what I have in mind for my kiddos.

 

 

I think I could let go of the control if someone gave me the thousands it would take to send them our local classical school though!!!;)

[elizabeth]

Oh yes, control is a big part of it for me. My daughter is government school in 4th grade (she will be home in 3 weeks) and my son made it to second grade in government school. It drove me absolutely bonkers to see my kids get a mediocre education that is often at odds with my personal values, deal with crazy gangster kids, not be pushed to excel at all (and if fact encouraged not to excel) and then go to a conference and be told everything is " just fine". I also hated always having to play twenty questions to find out anything.

 

I discovered that the school definition of a good, involved parent was one who bought extra supplies, baked cookies for teacher lounge, gave lavish presents, never asked questions and loaded tons of compliments and complained loudly about how overworked and underpaid teachers were. I, of course, asked questions, persisted to know exactly what did "differentiation" entail for my child, etc. I haven't even joined PTA last two years because it those meetings were so ulcer-inducing. I am sure there will be a happy dance in the office when I pull my daughter out at end of the quarter.

They rejoiced when my inquisitive self pulled dd at the midpoint of the year . Odd they never did come up with a satisfactory answer regarding differentiation at our local school either. I hope you find home educating both of your children to be exciting and fulfilling . I did not realize how much energy I was wasting on researching , persuading and proving that dd needed challenge. I use the words "wasting energy,"as they had no intention of doing anything differently regardless of what tests were run etc. One week after dd was home it was obvious to our family that this method of education was right for us. It was rather fun to run into her former principal and share that we were still home educating and having a grand time of it,thank you very much.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I'm an INFJ :001_huh: yet I belong on this thread.

 

I keep a very tight rein on our homeschool. These kids will get the education I never had, whether they appreciate it or not! I am equally (grimly?) determined to also foist upon them tradition, security, and joy.

 

I was an idealist as a child, growing up in a fundamentally strict home yet neglected in education, food, clothing, and shelter. Serious mental illness also came into play in our home. I lived in my mind and in books for most of my childhood because I could hardly stand to face the harsh realities of my life.

 

When I got married and began having babies, I decided to do it right. I want to make a proper home for my family, and for myself! I took one long, hard look at the public schools and found no chance there for my children.

 

I took a long, hard look at homeschooling and thought it would be the answer. And it has been, for many years. We intend to homeschool all the way through.

 

The "F" part of my INFJ-ness is a problem sometimes. I get overwhelmed with concern for the world and for my children's future. I can be so strict and unwavering, yet at other times I am terrified of so many things and wonder if I have the grit to watch my children go through hardship as they grow.

 

I just thought I'd share all this since no one here really knows me :) I wonder if there are others like me...overly sentimental and idealistic, yet grimly determined to run their household as they see fit.

[Mommy22alyns]

ISTJ here.

 

The main reason I started homeschooling is because of Becca's personality and abilities.

 

Control is a side benefit. ;) Maybe #2 on the list now.

 

But what is so bad about wanting control over our lives? Who likes to feel out of control?

[Stacia]

Interesting thread. I'm an INTJ & a dominant personality. However, I'm really not a control freak & don't even necessarily 'run a tight ship'. I guess I tend to see control freaks as wanting/needing to be in charge of all the little details & I'm totally a big-picture kind of gal. Little details & such drive me nuts, lol.

 

I'm actually not against the idea of schools (I loved school myself) & actually kind of fell into hsing. I guess I like our freedom FROM the school & it's schedules. Does that make me an anti-control freak? ;) (Meaning, we have the ability to do things like travel during times of the school year when a student in school couldn't go; I wouldn't relish the idea of my dc coming home & having a boatload of homework after a long day at school; I don't want to be beholden to the whims of those running the schools; etc....) Funny thing is that the futher along I go, the more I consider if my dc should go to school, while my dh (who originally just went along w/ the idea of hsing since it was my idea) seems more & more set that we should continue hsing through at least middle school & likely high school. Right now, though, hsing is working for us. But, I'm always open to other opinions, learning more about different options, and fairly often assessing if this is the road we should continue to take or if we need to change routes. Imo, nothing is set in stone.

[Ellie]

I don't think it makes that much difference.

 

There is ample evidence that homeschooling is a good educational choice. So if homeschool because *I* want to, then I get the best of both worlds, yes?

:D

[Rosie_0801]

To me it's about the relationship between responsibility and control. If the kids go to school, I'm responsible for their education but don't have much control over it. If I teach them myself I'm still responsible, but I am in a position to make any changes that need to be made.

 

Rosie

[Chris in VA]

INFJ but sometimes I test as an E and also sometimes as a P--go figure (I've taken it numerous times for various reasons).

 

I like having control, being right, sharing my opinion, etc. Homeschooling is fun because I get to choose so much.

 

I don't run a tight ship, but I do like control.

 

A good saying I've heard is that, as kids age, we parent best less by control and more by relationship. Probably homeschooling works that way, too.

[sassenach]

As a group, I've always thought of hs moms to be on the more dominant end of personalities. While I wouldn't call myself a control freak, I know quite a lot of hs moms that would fall under that umbrella. Hsing is a counter culture lifestyle, so I have to think that you'd have to have a somewhat dominant, or at least confident personality. I actually think that I am not a controller, but I have a fierce independent streak that has allowed me to go against the norm without caring much of what anybody else thinks. I'm INFP, if that helps at all.

[Garga]

I've been accused of being controlling by dh :tongue_smilie:

 

I've also recently wondered if I hs just because I'm controlling. Lately I've been actively trying to back off in many areas that I control, just to be sure I'm not smothering my kids. I still control homeschool (!), but I give them room in other areas, like I let them wear their snow boots all the time, just because they like to. (There's no snow...)

 

INTJ here and love to be in control.

Edited March 10, 2009 by Garga

[JennifersLost]

I'm a complete control freak and I don't hesitate to tell people I homeschool because I can teach better than most teachers can.

 

I also self-diagnose my medical conditions and have "cured" myself and my kids several times when doctors were unable to.

 

I also cut my kids' hair (and shh - my own, too).

 

I don't delegate anything I can do better than someone else. And since I'm smart and capable, that doesn't leave much, LOL.

 

And yes, I realize this makes me kinda crazy. I just don't care.

[mcconnellboys]

I absolutely have control issues and I would say that a strong desire to control the quality of my children's education does play in to what I do, sure, but I haven't allowed it to overcome me. My older son is extremely extroverted and was just never happy enough with any group I could provide for him. Even back in school he'd be happier surrounded by an even larger group of kids (larger than 900). One school he's been looking at has an enrollment of 1200 or so. He whispered to me, "It might not be enough....." Another concern I always had for him was that he has some learning disabilities, but is too high functioning for those to really get diagnosed and taken very seriously. They do provide problems from time to time, however. I sought to protect him and provide him with the best learning environment given his LD's.

 

With my younger son, who has always been happier hsing, I don't know what the future holds. If he wishes to move back into some sort of traditional school, we will entertain that possibility just as we did with my older son.

[AuntPol]

They rejoiced when my inquisitive self pulled dd at the midpoint of the year . Odd they never did come up with a satisfactory answer regarding differentiation at our local school either. I hope you find home educating both of your children to be exciting and fulfilling . I did not realize how much energy I was wasting on researching , persuading and proving that dd needed challenge. I use the words "wasting energy,"as they had no intention of doing anything differently regardless of what tests were run etc. One week after dd was home it was obvious to our family that this method of education was right for us. It was rather fun to run into her former principal and share that we were still home educating and having a grand time of it,thank you very much.

 

It's working out wonderfully for my son. He hated school so much that he has anxiety when we have to go to the school for any reason (like showcase nights, etc). He's really made vast improvements academically, socially, emotionally, etc.

 

And I understand about they are not going to change. We had 504 meetings, behavior team meetings, etc. We wasted so much time going to meetings. Teachers would give great plans on what they were going to do but they never carried it out.

 

But anyway, I aggravated the administration so much with my questions that they eventually quit calling me when DS had got in trouble at school. Even though I was a SAHM/WAHM and listed as the primary contact, they would call my dh and lie, telling him that they couldn't reach me (no missed calls on my phone). After about two months of that, DH got aggravated enough to agree to homeschooling which is what I had wanted from the beginning.

[Sarah CB]

... I don't mean that you are an ogre, just that you run a 'tight ship' and have decided opinions. Do you ever wonder if you home educate because it gives you more control over your (and your children's) lives, rather than because it's a good educational choice? Is it possible to disentangle those two motivations?

 

I visited an excellent school today and came home to write pro and con lists for school and home ed. It set me wondering about my motivation.

 

Let's try not to get too personal..... please? If you happen to be a Meyers-Briggs INTJ, it would be interesting if you mentioned that.

 

Thanks

 

Laura

 

I'm an INTJ with absolutely no F and I'll fully admit that one of the reasons I homeschool is because I'm a control freak.

 

I'm not so much a control freak in terms of making my children do what I want them to do - I really enjoy seeing the uniqueness in each of them and they do a ton of things that I would never have planned for them to do.

 

Rather, I'm a control freak in terms of what other people do with or to my kids. I have always joked that my kids can't go to school because I'd be kicked out. I know I would always second-guess the assignments the teacher had given, the book choices, the down-time, etc. I would seriously be a teacher's worst nightmare. And I'm Ok with that.

[kalanamak]

ISTJ here, and I would send my child to a good school with decent people. There are things we miss because I work full time and school: more variety and more joyful food. Sit down dinners. Sojourns. Games.

 

But it isn't going to happen, and so I trudge on. Tonight kiddo told me how much he loves math, and he did extra reading practice, wanted to get down the model cells we have so he could more precisely color him cell drawings, and asked, again, for Jim Wiese's Greek Myths CD....he'll just have to live with the fact dinner for him was 12 Clementines, a cheese sandwich, a pear, a bowl of blueberries with a scoop of ice cream.

 

If I had my druthers, I'd be comfortably retired and homeschool, but that isn't going to happen either.

[Bee]

most of the time. The longer we hs the less it becomes all about what I want and the more about what the children want.In the end, it is their choice every year to decide if they want to go to school. Although I started out hsing mainly because of concerns about academic quality and social issues in the local ps my expectations of hsing have shifted over the years (no matter how hard I try, neither of my children will ever be an academic genius). Also, I'm agreeing more and more with dh that learning life skills is just as important as learning academic skills and so I'm starting to look toward shifting our educational emphasis less toward leaning heavily on the academic side and more toward a balance of both skills and academics.

[Alice]

.he'll just have to live with the fact dinner for him was 12 Clementines, a cheese sandwich, a pear, a bowl of blueberries with a scoop of ice cream.

 

 

 

That sounds like a great dinner to me. :)

[Karen sn]

I'm a complete control freak and I don't hesitate to tell people I homeschool because I can teach better than most teachers can.

 

I also self-diagnose my medical conditions and have "cured" myself and my kids several times when doctors were unable to.

 

I also cut my kids' hair (and shh - my own, too).

 

I don't delegate anything I can do better than someone else. And since I'm smart and capable, that doesn't leave much, LOL.

 

And yes, I realize this makes me kinda crazy. I just don't care.

 

What she said!

I wouldn't be such a control freak IF I could find someone who could do it right or better than I can!

 

I let my dd and my boyfriend cut my hair because I got sick and tired of spending good money on bad haircuts. If I get a free haircut I don't mind a few missed strands.....funny thing though, dd and bf do a rather fine job!

 

I don't go out to eat (even when the economy was good) because I can't stand wasting money on food that is less than divine. I'd rather do it myself or eat cheap food at home and not pay an arm and a leg for it.

 

I had my dd in a public school for one day.

And I couldn't bring myself to do it a second.

I think that her school was glad I wasn't going to keep her there - because I had already been there several times and asked a gazillion questions before the 1st day even started.

 

This was a school that had their thermostat monitored AND CONTROLLED by someone in a town hours away. YES!!! The principal apologized for the warm temperature in the room, explaining that they don't control it - some school agency in another part of the state has that job!!! They have to call and say, "We're using the such and such room tomorrow - please turn the a/c on."

 

WHATEVER!!!!!!

 

My kid ain't goin' to no school that has that little control of school life!!!

[G5052]

I would say though that we homeschool for more complex reasons than some.

 

We began homeschooling for religious reasons, and over time experienced the other benefits -- character development, schedule flexibility, ability to adjust curriculum levels in each subject, time to pursue interests, evenings free for family, etc. My kids play a lot with public school kids in the neighborhood, and the neighborhood kids are perpetually jealous of my kids and even tell me so!

 

I went in feeling that I was just as smart as any teacher in terms of my ability to educate my own children, and of course that has certainly proven true in our eight years of homeschooling. So yes, there's a bit of control there :tongue_smilie:.

[katilac]

I'm an INFP and do 95% of the hs'ing; dh is an ISTJ (and does have issues seeing that there can be two good ways to accomplish something, *g*).

 

Neither dh nor I have dominating personalities where others are concerned (dh had to be forced into his current management position, lol), but I've always been on the non-comformist side of things and both of us have very definite ideas about how our kids should be raised. I'd say we both have a lot of confidence in making our own decisions, ones that others are often puzzled by.

 

For us, more freedom for our kids and our family has become one of the very top reasons we homeschool. Like Stacia noted, we want freedom from the school's schedule and demands.

 

On my end, I detest, on principal, the fact that American students are forced to leave most of their civil rights at the school house door.

 

On dh's part, he is big on the idea that hs'ing opens their eyes to the fact that you are free to live your life how YOU wish to, and that it is possible to break out of the mold of what you 'have' to do. He wants them, as adults, to see that there are other choices besides 9 to 5 jobs in an office.

 

Honestly, at this point, my kids are horrified at the thought of going to school, :tongue_smilie:. The neighborhood kids get off the bus at 4 PM, after they have been playing and whatnot for HOURS. The time and scheduling benefits alone are big selling points for us!

[Sahamamama]

... I have been musing on this today...

 

My husband and I have been under the impression that our children would go to "Troubles-Abounding Elementary School" if we didn't homeschool them. That's what the realtor told us, and we had no intentions of putting them into that school. Yesterday I learned from neighbors that our realtor and house papers were wrong. Our children would, in fact, go to "Calmer-Waters Elementary School." This bit of news set me to thinking...

 

I called the Board of Education to ask a few questions (anonymously). I perused the school's website. Just the thought of registration, testing, hallways, cafeterias, "silent lunches," "silent gym" classes, teachers, group punishment, parent/teacher conferences -- it's making me ill.

 

My nephews and niece attend(ed) this school, so I have some idea of the quality of the end-product (not so reassuring, actually). I also have some idea of what my sister has had to DO to keep her children in the teachers' good graces -- and for all that effort on HER part, I (and she) really don't think her children know much. I'm back to our original conviction that homeschooling, for now, works for us.

 

I tested INFJ on the MB, so close to your profile. Is wanting to "control" (oversee? direct? supervise? guide?) your children's environment during their early/middle years a negative personality trait? I don't think it is.

 

FWIW, Laura (and I hope this doesn't sound weird to you), I regularly read your blog. You do seem to protect your boys, but in today's world, why not? You also seem to invest a lot of your energy into educating yourselves and enjoying life together. That's a good thing, and they will always be the richer for it. Your program seems well-rounded. You seem to have a sense of your own and your family's, um, "bookish" tendency, as you put it, and as you say on your blog, you try to balance that out with long walks, Chinese lessons, photography, etc. Your children have had unique and formative experiences (understatement) while living overseas. They (and you) have all made (are still making?) the "reentry adjustment" to Scotland, all while Calvin was making an A+ on the Huge, Mammoth, Mega-Science Test you British people do over there. :001_smile: Wow.

 

I'd say that is quite a boat load. Yes, you run a tight ship, but you are a good captain. You can get the boat from port to port, and still enjoy the trip. Your sons are achieving academically, they are growing as people, they have a lot to offer their world and generation. Whether or not you "put" them into school.... they really will be OK.

 

I hope that helps. I don't know if that really answers your question, which I took as being something like, "How do you know if you homeschool because your personality is too (or very) controlling?" My husband and I wrestle with this all the time. Our thought on this is that any parent who sails upstream is a bit out-of-the-norm. Intentional parents exercise self-discipline/self-control, and are often particular about MANY aspects of the child's environment and training -- everything from attitudes to zoo trips: nutrition, sleep, exercise, peers/adults, media, travel, education.... Our "control" over our children's education is only a part of the larger picture.

 

You have been working to create the IDEAL environment for your boys' learning and growth, and what has worked (so far) has been to tailor an individual program for each of your sons. How can any classroom-based school compare to that? Schools are one-size-fits-all. If you do release your son(s) to a school, there will have to be a trade-off somewhere.

 

There have to be reasons why you are looking at schools in the first place. Why are you looking? Pin those reasons down, and you will find that you can probably be just as "intentional" about having a son at school as you have been about having that son at home.