If you are a somewhat dominant personality...

[Reya]

It's not that I'm controlling. It's just that I'm better.

 

 

Just kidding! :-))))))

 

(mostly)

[Laura Corin]

Is wanting to "control" (oversee? direct? supervise? guide?) your children's environment during their early/middle years a negative personality trait? I don't think it is.

 

FWIW, Laura (and I hope this doesn't sound weird to you), I regularly read your blog. You do seem to protect your boys, but in today's world, why not? You also seem to invest a lot of your energy into educating yourselves and enjoying life together. That's a good thing, and they will always be the richer for it. Your program seems well-rounded. You seem to have a sense of your own and your family's, um, "bookish" tendency, as you put it, and as you say on your blog, you try to balance that out with long walks, Chinese lessons, photography, etc. Your children have had unique and formative experiences (understatement) while living overseas. They (and you) have all made (are still making?) the "reentry adjustment" to Scotland, all while Calvin was making an A+ on the Huge, Mammoth, Mega-Science Test you British people do over there. :001_smile: Wow.

 

I'd say that is quite a boat load. Yes, you run a tight ship, but you are a good captain. You can get the boat from port to port, and still enjoy the trip. Your sons are achieving academically, they are growing as people, they have a lot to offer their world and generation. Whether or not you "put" them into school.... they really will be OK.

 

I hope that helps. I don't know if that really answers your question, which I took as being something like, "How do you know if you homeschool because your personality is too (or very) controlling?" My husband and I wrestle with this all the time. Our thought on this is that any parent who sails upstream is a bit out-of-the-norm. Intentional parents exercise self-discipline/self-control, and are often particular about MANY aspects of the child's environment and training -- everything from attitudes to zoo trips: nutrition, sleep, exercise, peers/adults, media, travel, education.... Our "control" over our children's education is only a part of the larger picture.

 

You have been working to create the IDEAL environment for your boys' learning and growth, and what has worked (so far) has been to tailor an individual program for each of your sons. How can any classroom-based school compare to that? Schools are one-size-fits-all. If you do release your son(s) to a school, there will have to be a trade-off somewhere.

 

There have to be reasons why you are looking at schools in the first place. Why are you looking? Pin those reasons down, and you will find that you can probably be just as "intentional" about having a son at school as you have been about having that son at home.

 

What am I looking for from a school? I think that it is the opportunity to grow with many minds. Calvin, in particular, is reasoning at a more-or-less adult level. He pretty much knows my limited brain inside out. He learns different points of view from books, of course, but I think he would benefit from hashing ideas through with his peers (at a selective school) and with excellent teachers. I do understand that this could mean his developing ideas very different from mine, but I suspect that this is the point where my control needs to lapse. My current thought is that school at age 15 or 16 is a good idea for him - when the school curriculum starts to be more about individual thought and less about rote learning. The school we are considering does the IB programme (about which I have no political qualms).

 

I have looked into distance learning courses and local college options, but I feel that he needs real life contact, and the local colleges (similar to CC, I suppose) don't offer the kind of stimulating experience he needs. Because universities in Britain have no 'general' courses, it's not possible to jump to university level for a few courses, and full early university entrance is something that I hope to avoid if possible.

 

Hobbes is highly social and, with the best will in the world, we are not able to provide the people-contact that he craves. He's happy at home at present (and I personally like having an eight year old at home with Mum) but I can see resentment building if he starts to feel that we are depriving him of a school life that he would love - he is asking to go to school now.

 

Hobbes is so people-focused, however, that peer pressure could be a major problem for him, I think. The flip side of that is that he has a stutter, so I have to be very sure that he would be going into a respectful environment. It's a conundrum. As he gets older, the academic aspects that I mentioned for Calvin will be equally important for him - he's also very bright - but I don't think that keeping him at home alone until that point comes would be productive.

 

Thank you for your response - I have more aspects to think about now.

 

Laura

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I couldn't help but chuckle while reading the above because my experience homeschooling has taught me that I am in far less control than I might like. I wish for more control in many areas and probably don't cede much control but still...

[Sahamamama]

... I suspected you've been thinking that Calvin needs, perhaps, a rigorous academic course (which you can provide at home) AND other teachers and intellectual friendships (which might prove more of a challenge). At the same time, he is only 12 years old. No matter how bright, intellectual, diligent, and advanced he is... he's still young. You may also be thinking about how to balance not wanting to homeschool Hobbes alone with not wanting to hold Calvin back for the sake of his younger brother. What to do?

 

It might be that "letting go" and sending them both (or one) to an excellent school really will be the right solution for all of you, but it might also work to come up with ways to postpone this for a year or more. Each year that you keep Calvin at home might buy Hobbes one more year at home, too, plus both boys mature that much further under your guidance.

 

I don't know if any of these would work, but I'm brainstorming a few possibilities.

 

Give Yourself More Credit -- I think you are overlooking this, Laura. You mention your "limited brain," but I have read your posts and blog a long time. FWIW, I think you ARE bright enough and determined enough to "be enough" for even the brightest 12-year old a while longer. This is the crux of your question, really -- not, "Am I keeping him here because I'm too controlling?" but "Has the time come to look for and utilize other options because homeschooling [or the Homeschooling Mother] is no longer enough for this child?" Evaluate yourself honestly, but not too harshly. Even if you don't have all the world's knowledge, you do have maturity and hard-won wisdom. That is worth passing on to your sons. Maybe these are the years to shift the focus off the brain and pour your "soul" into them. Mold them into whole people. Maximize what you do have to offer them.

 

Enroll in an Online Course -- Is it possible for you to find and enroll Calvin in an online course that includes a "Discussion Forum" or some sort of moderated student-teacher and student-student interaction? I don't know what's available out there, but some on this forum might know. A precursor to the Great Books? An introduction to the Bible? Shakespeare? There's got to be something online (with a discussion component) that he could do for year or so.

 

Cheat/Take a Course Yourself -- I know, you are too busy teaching to become a student again. But have you seen any Teaching Company lectures? Or any materials from the Intercollegiate Studies Institute? Perhaps you could simply use teacher guides to give yourself a headstart in your discussions with Calvin. Maybe your curriculum and resources need to be more teacher-friendly (give you the quick overview). Just a thought.

 

Import Another Brain -- If you really do feel your brain is limited (which I doubt), could you be a host family to an international student? An au pair? Someone who wants to emigrate to the UK and speaks, um, Mandarin or French or whatever? ;) You might be weary of cross-cultural living, but then again, you do know how to do it, and this might be a way to expand your household brain power. Add another brain.

 

I hope something here helps. :001_smile:

[Alphabetika]

INFP here, and not dominant or controlling. But the way I see it, *someone* is going to control my children's education. Either that controller will be someone who knows and loves them, or someone who doesn't and never could.

 

For us, obvious choice.

[Laura Corin]

I think that you are right that there are two separate issues here:

 

Should the boys go to school?

Why am I reluctant to send them to school?

 

For the first: I am coming down on the side of 'yes', but as you say, waiting for another few years is probably a good idea. I'll keep working on how to do that: the classics head at the school I visited on Monday was eager to tutor Calvin in the holidays.....

 

For the second: well, that was what prompted the original question - my suspicion that it is my wish to be in control of things that causes me to be reluctant. I don't have anything against (good) schools - both DH and I had good experiences at school. But letting go will be hard, even when Calvin is fifteen or sixteen.

 

Thank you for helping me to hash through the issues.

 

Laura