Popular Post KungFuPanda Posted July 30, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 30, 2023 My son's service was yesterday and it was absolutely beautiful. I am glad we did it and we were overwhelmed with the love and support of his whole village. The homeschool community especially came out in force and filled the building. It was a very hard day, but it fed my soul to see everyone gathered to remember my boy and share their favorite stories. My husband gave the most beautiful eulogy and the deacon was perfect for us. We went to the funeral home at 10 a.m. and left around 5 when a smaller group reconvened at our house until 10. I'm so so grateful for supportive friends and family. I really had no idea how many people would attend. I'm glad I set up a tab at our local pizza place and appointed an emergency pizza person with very specific instructions just in case the headcount went above my catering estimate. That all happened without a hitch or me even knowing it until much later in the day. I am exhausted today, and I haven't really planned my life past yesterday's service, so I'm kind of aimlessly floating now. I think I'll just float a few more days. I have people in my house and everyone goes home tomorrow. It was all very terrible and touching and now I'm beginning this next phase of life and I have no idea what's going on. 90 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I am so sorry for your loss. Gentle hugs and good thoughts. This just sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 So sorry for you loss. Glad you have all this lovely support around you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 So so sorry for this huge loss to you and your family. I too would be grateful if so many showed up to show support for my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I'm again so sorry you lost your son so soon. It's really never enough time. I'm glad you were so surrounded for his service, and I pray today again for comfort in your grief and for your next steps. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I am so so sorry, and glad the ceremony helped even if only a little. Take your time, and be very gentle with yourselves. If you ever want to tell stories about your sweet boy, we are here to listen. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 It must be such a mix of emotions with the big event past, but now not sure what is next. I am so glad you have support there and I pray you have continued support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I’m so sorry you lost him. I’m glad you have so much support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I'm so sorry, but grateful that you felt so much love and support on such a difficult day. Floating for now seems like the right thing as you process your life and future without your precious son. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I am so sorry for your lost, but am heartened to hear that you had so much love and support. {{KFP}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Losing your son is terrible beyond belief. I'm so sorry. I hope you are comforted by the amount of support you felt yesterday. I pray you will be able to draw upon that love during the tough times of your grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I have thought about you a lot lately and am just so sorry for your loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathyl Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 That sounds like a beautiful way to remember your son's life. Floating sound good. {{Hugs}} 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Sending love. I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Love and deepest sympathy to you. ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Huge huge hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Glad you had all of that support for you and your family. The pizza idea was great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Sending love ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Gentle hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 It sounds like a beautiful day--I'm so glad you got that. No rush to figure out what's next. Peace to you and your family. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I'm glad the day went well for you, as well as it could under the circumstances. It's good to have a reminder that you and your child are loved. Take care of yourself now. 💗 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Beauty and ashes. Thank you for sharing. It does my heart good to know that you are so loved and supported. Much love from your WTM sisters, too. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 ((((((((( KFP )))))))))) What a lovely tribute to your son. It’s okay to float. Take care of yourself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I'm glad that the day went well and was a good reminder to you that he touched many lives and you are loved and supported. Floating is the only thing you need to do right now. Your whole existence has been blasted apart and it will take a long while before your parts and pieces come back together into some semblance of a new "normal". Big, big hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 30, 2023 Author Share Posted July 30, 2023 4 hours ago, Ottakee said: Glad you had all of that support for you and your family. The pizza idea was great. Thank you. The service was on his birthday and the catering reflected what we normally served. I think we did the “tailgate menu” then added pizza to it. Birthdays were always pizza and chicken. I didn’t have it in me to make The Cannoli Cake so we just went with the sweets provided. But yeah, I underestimated the headcount by a good 40% and our pizza place knows us and were happy to help out with a quick order and delivery. The service had rows of chairs in the center and round tables on the perimeter for overflow seating and dining. We chose to personalize these tables ourselves rather than have them do it. I put mementos that belonged to my son and photo prints of some of his artwork in every table with instructions to please take something home. Everything was taken and that feels special. it was a difficult day for my grandson because he was just overwhelmed by everyone looking at him. It was really hard to see DS’s friends break down; especially his friend that was his age with his exact diagnosis. We almost cloistered ourselves and didn’t do the big formal goodbye, but I’m so glad we all had that day together. My mom just pulled away and now it’s just Dh and me. I have no idea what’s next. I think I need to find a different job. Part time work no longer makes sense for me. I think I can save rattling around the house for when I’m much older and my current job is dead end. 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Praying for you as you feel your way through this next phase in life. There is no blueprint. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 (((((Hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 There is all this TIME now. It’s weird. I don’t know what people do. For normal people, the active mothering winds down gradually, but I never had that. DS’s physical care took time. Getting ready for the day and getting out the door took hours. We hung out together most days, shared most meals and enjoyed the same shows. We had cooking days because he liked to cook have his favorite meals prepped for the two days I worked. We planned field trips with friends and he had tea three times daily. My world absolutely revolved around making sure he was cared for and had things to took forward too. He was good company and I MISS him so much. 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 What an amazing relationship! Wow! Thank you for sharing him with us over the years. I have always thought that you are one spectacular mom. Hugs. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kidlit Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I have no words, just heartfelt condolences Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 23 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said: There is all this TIME now. It’s weird. I don’t know what people do. For normal people, the active mothering winds down gradually, but I never had that. DS’s physical care took time. Getting ready for the day and getting out the door took hours. We hung out together most days, shared most meals and enjoyed the same shows. We had cooking days because he liked to cook have his favorite meals prepped for the two days I worked. We planned field trips with friends and he had tea three times daily. My world absolutely revolved around making sure he was cared for and had things to took forward too. He was good company and I MISS him so much. It's so hard. I am so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I am glad that you had such a wonderful relationship with your son. Thank you for sharing about him. Praying for peace as you float and eventually figure out the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said: There is all this TIME now. It’s weird. I don’t know what people do. For normal people, the active mothering winds down gradually, but I never had that. DS’s physical care took time. Getting ready for the day and getting out the door took hours. We hung out together most days, shared most meals and enjoyed the same shows. We had cooking days because he liked to cook have his favorite meals prepped for the two days I worked. We planned field trips with friends and he had tea three times daily. My world absolutely revolved around making sure he was cared for and had things to took forward too. He was good company and I MISS him so much. My neighbors lost their special needs adult daughter almost one year ago and the mom expresses this a lot. She truly devoted 24/7 to her daughter for so many years and she doesn't know what to do with herself now that she's gone. She knew that others thought of her daughter as a burden but she didn't at all - she truly loved caring for her and misses it terribly. There's just such a big hole in her life now. Big hugs to you. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 31 minutes ago, Kassia said: My neighbors lost their special needs adult daughter almost one year ago and the mom expresses this a lot. She truly devoted 24/7 to her daughter for so many years and she doesn't know what to do with herself now that she's gone. She knew that others thought of her daughter as a burden but she didn't at all - she truly loved caring for her and misses it terribly. There's just such a big hole in her life now. Big hugs to you. Yes. Caring for him wasn’t really that difficult; it just took us longer to do everything that other people can do in minutes. He was still able to do a lot for himself and we worked the time that took into our lives. He had his mind and could communicate; he just needed a lot of physical assistance. He WAS my schedule. He cared about order and routine and provided the structure to my whole day. I would start my morning with his tea and breakfast. I knew he could spend almost an hour in the bathroom in the morning, so I would do some meal prep while listening for him. I cleaned the kitchen while he got dressed. We’d have our lunch around one then either hang out at home or do some errands or appointments until teatime at around 5. After dinner he’d be tired and ready to transfer to his bed for a few hours of tv/gaming where he sometimes invited us to watch a movie but usually kicked me out so he could have some alone time. He always had either hot chocolate or herbal tea before going to sleep. Now I’m untethered and getting caffeine headaches because I’m forgetting to make my afternoon cup without his prompting. I’m not automatically making lunch or dinner because nobody needs me to do that for them. We’re showing up at a destination within ten minutes of deciding to go there and it’s just not normal. Everything is still so weird and it’s been two months of this. Thank you everyone for understanding and letting me ramble. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 Thank you for sharing him with us. It sounds like you had a beautiful and special relationship. Sending hugs as you grieve and find your new path. Please continue to share here as you are willing and able. ❤️ I'm glad your community came out in force. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasProud Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 So sorry... Sounds like he was such a special person. So glad the memorial service went well. It will take a long time to find your "new normal." That is ok. I am so sorry for the loss and the giant hole it left. Huge hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 Ramble away. It sounds like his celebration of life was lovely. I'm so sorry you are walking this path. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneBlessedx4 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I am so sorry about your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your amazing relationship with your son with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 I’m so sorry, KFP. Your relationship sounds beautiful and I’m sure you do feel unmoored. I’m so glad you feel well-supported and your hs community really rallied around you. It’s okay to float, even if floating takes longer than some people think it “should”. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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