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DawnM

By DawnM,
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DawnM

DawnM

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DH's brother has cancer.   We don't have many details yet, the oncologist has been called.   They have been draining between 5-7 liters of fluid from his stomach every day.   There are cancer cells.   They found a tumor but I am still not clear if it is in his stomach or outside of his stomach.

It is not looking good.    He is 57.

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Ausmumof3

Ausmumof3

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I’m so sorry Dawn. I hope for his sake it’s not in the stomach 😞 

If it turns out it is, your DH maybe should consider getting the helicobacter pylori test? It’s been a few years since this was front of mind so I’m not sure what current recommendations are.

Edited by Ausmumof3
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Corbster98

Corbster98

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30 minutes ago, GoVanGogh said:

I am so sorry. I hope for the best for your husband’s brother. My DH was diagnosed with cancer last month. It is such a heaviness. His siblings, one just a bit older and one much younger, have been really struggling with the diagnosis. 

I am sorry to hear about your DH. Saying a prayer for you. 

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DawnM

DawnM

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8 hours ago, GoVanGogh said:

I am so sorry. I hope for the best for your husband’s brother. My DH was diagnosed with cancer last month. It is such a heaviness. His siblings, one just a bit older and one much younger, have been really struggling with the diagnosis. 

I am so sorry.

In DH's family, there is a high cancer risk factor for the men.   His grandfather had prostate cancer, his dad died of pancreatic cancer, and now his brother with cancer.   

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GoVanGogh

GoVanGogh

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1 hour ago, DawnM said:

I am so sorry.

In DH's family, there is a high cancer risk factor for the men.   His grandfather had prostate cancer, his dad died of pancreatic cancer, and now his brother with cancer.   

Same with my DH’s family. His dad recently passed away from cancer (lymphoma), and now my DH now has bladder cancer. He doesn’t have any risk factors for it, aside from being male. (Men are much more likely to get bladder cancer than women because they don’t urinate - flush toxins from the bladder - near as often as women.) It makes me wonder about the toxins we were exposed to growing up in a farming community. 

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Pawz4me

Pawz4me

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FWIW, DH's family has no history of cancer on either side, as far back as anyone can remember. And yet he has it. Likewise, there are many people with a strong family history who will never be diagnosed. It's an extremely complex disease, and family history is just one of what are probably many factors.

@DawnM, the fluid with cancer cells is called malignant ascites. As you're gathering, it's generally considered a sign of advanced disease.

I'm so sorry.

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DawnM

DawnM

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43 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

FWIW, DH's family has no history of cancer on either side, as far back as anyone can remember. And yet he has it. Likewise, there are many people with a strong family history who will never be diagnosed. It's an extremely complex disease, and family history is just one of what are probably many factors.

@DawnM, the fluid with cancer cells is called malignant ascites. As you're gathering, it's generally considered a sign of advanced disease.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you, I did look it up last night after talking to my friend who is a physician.   And yes, I am sure it is very advanced.   I am curious to see what kind of cancer it is.   I am thinking it is liver based on the liver enzymes that came back, but we will see.

It makes me miss my dad, he loved explaining medical diagnosis and treatment to lay people and he was so good at it.   I remember as a 6 year old, as I was perched on top of the linen shelves, holding a torch (flashlight) over the patient so my dad could see to operate.   There was no electricity.   And my dad would explain every detail of the surgery and the body and what was wrong with the body and why he had to remove or alter whatever it was he was working on.   Growing up in a 3rd world country, I got to experience all of it.   I miss him so much.   

Over the years my dad had FOUR different kinds of cancers and almost died with one of them.  He had prostate cancer.   He lived another 30 years.   He had kidney cancer, was in the hospital for over 30 days from complications.   We almost lost him.   He lived another 20 years after that.   He had melanoma spots removed throughout the years.   And then he developed bone cancer and died 10 days after the diagnosis.

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Laura Corin

Laura Corin

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On 6/24/2023 at 1:12 AM, DawnM said:

DH's brother has cancer.   We don't have many details yet, the oncologist has been called.   They have been draining between 5-7 liters of fluid from his stomach every day.   There are cancer cells.   They found a tumor but I am still not clear if it is in his stomach or outside of his stomach.

It is not looking good.    He is 57.

I'm sorry  - it's so much.

On 6/24/2023 at 4:01 AM, GoVanGogh said:

I am so sorry. I hope for the best for your husband’s brother. My DH was diagnosed with cancer last month. It is such a heaviness. His siblings, one just a bit older and one much younger, have been really struggling with the diagnosis. 

I'm sorry to hear about this diagnosis.

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YaelAldrich

YaelAldrich

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I'm sadly echoing what the others have said. Ascites are usually associated with advanced disease. If you want to get family together while he's still awake, do it right away.  Like get on a plane early this week or start driving today or tomorrow. 

I'm so sorry. Cancer is a terrible diagnosis;  especially like this where it comes out of the blue. 

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DawnM

DawnM

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8 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said:

I'm sadly echoing what the others have said. Ascites are usually associated with advanced disease. If you want to get family together while he's still awake, do it right away.  Like get on a plane early this week or start driving today or tomorrow. 

I'm so sorry. Cancer is a terrible diagnosis;  especially like this where it comes out of the blue. 

Yeah, we are trying to get this house ready to sell and I know he feels like that is top priority (DH that is) but we may need to delay the sale of the house and allow him to go out to CA to see his brother.   

We are waiting for more word from the oncologist.   

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YaelAldrich

YaelAldrich

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11 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Yeah, we are trying to get this house ready to sell and I know he feels like that is top priority (DH that is) but we may need to delay the sale of the house and allow him to go out to CA to see his brother.   

We are waiting for more word from the oncologist.   

If I may be so bold,  if you can hire out work so he can leave (much)  sooner than later,  even if it's a short visit (and will intend to return soon)  he will not regret it. 

Once my mom started getting ascites,  it was less than a month and she was not awake a great deal of time.  

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DawnM

DawnM

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3 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said:

If I may be so bold,  if you can hire out work so he can leave (much)  sooner than later,  even if it's a short visit (and will intend to return soon)  he will not regret it. 

Once my mom started getting ascites,  it was less than a month and she was not awake a great deal of time.  

Well, we don't even have a diagnosis yet, so I would like to wait until we have one and not just show up and say, "Hey, looks like you are dying so we rushed out here when no one else in the family did."

And, I will let DH decide what to do, this is his family.  

But I do appreciate you telling me this is an issue.   I will pass it along.

 

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TexasProud

TexasProud

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1 hour ago, DawnM said:

Well, we don't even have a diagnosis yet, so I would like to wait until we have one and not just show up and say, "Hey, looks like you are dying so we rushed out here when no one else in the family did."

And, I will let DH decide what to do, this is his family.  

But I do appreciate you telling me this is an issue.   I will pass it along.

 

I get this.  I do.  But you said they are draining 5-7 liters EVERY DAY.  That means he will have to stay in the hospital or, they will put in a permanent drain like they did for my mom and send him home.  Regardless, it is VERY hard to keep the patient hydrated and keep the fluid at a reasonable level so it is not painful or interfering with breathing.  The hospice agency drained too much, which totally tanked her blood pressure, but then didn't want to give her too much fluid.  She was much more comfortable in the hospital, to be honest...   But there is a pretty high rate of infection.  It is just so tenuous.  He needs to be ok if his brother takes a sudden turn for the worse and he isn't there.   My mom was bad and they "just" had to drain her once a week.  Even with that they suggested the permanent drain.  So if they truly are draining that much fluid EVERY DAY that is just beyond bad. The prognosis is very, very poor. 

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Pawz4me

Pawz4me

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1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

 So if they truly are draining that much fluid EVERY DAY that is just beyond bad. The prognosis is very, very poor. 

I didn't want to "like" your post, but the above is what I thought, too. From what I understand that's a truly enormous amount of fluid. If they're really draining that much every day then I have to wonder how he could have more than a few days left. I also don't really understand how someone could get that bad w/o already having a diagnosis. I'm thinking he had to have some symptoms? The more common scenario I hear on the cancer board I belong to is draining a liter or two every few days or once a week, and that's in people who have known their diagnosis for quite some time.

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DawnM

DawnM

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I just spoke to DH.   Tomorrow they are running tests, we will see what they say about that and in the meantime he will work diligently today to see what he can get done.

We also decided that if we need to put the house on the market a week later, it is ok.

Hiring out isn't so easy.   These are finishing touches on jobs he started and they have to be done to his specs due to him doing things custom.   Also, we have had a dickens of a time finding any contractors to do small jobs, any handymen to have availability, etc.....

But DH thinks he can finish most of the necessary stuff today.   

We do have someone coming out to do paint touch ups and drywall repair and will hire out for that.

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DawnM

DawnM

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Update.   They are pretty sure it is non-hodgkins lymphoma, which, given the other choices, this is really the best to have.   The 5 year survival rate at stage 4 is like 60%.   They are pretty sure his is stage 4, but they are still waiting on the biopsy results to confirm.

I found out he has literally not been to a doctor in 20 years.   They almost wouldn't help him in the ER because they said there was no medical history and they weren't sure what was going on.   They weren't even sure if he was who he said he was.  

Anyway, it isn't great news, but it is better than it could be.

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DawnM

DawnM

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Update:

He is currently in the hospital.   He has refused to live his life differently, even after being told of the risks.  He would go to work and go out in public as normal.

He ended up in the hospital with sepsis and it is not good.   They are draining more fluid from his abdomen this weekend, but he is in bad shape.

I told my DH he has got to work the chemo plan as prescribed or he isn't going to make it.  I mean, there is a strong chance he won't make it at all anyway, but he seems to be bent on accelerating the process.   That is my opinion anyway.

DH may be flying out for a funeral sometime soon.   I told him to consider flying out now.   It is a horrible time for him to go.   I start back to work and we have no one to watch the 5 year old while I am at work until school starts for him which is September.   But life can get in the way of life, you know?   We will figure something out.

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DawnM

DawnM

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13 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Is there anyway he can take the 5 year old with him? Maybe there is family he can stay with while your husband goes to the hospital. 

No.   and DH will be staying in a hotel.   The only "family" is his brother's girlfriend and she is at the hospital all the time.   

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stephanier.1765

stephanier.1765

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1 hour ago, DawnM said:

Update:

He is currently in the hospital.   He has refused to live his life differently, even after being told of the risks.  He would go to work and go out in public as normal.

He ended up in the hospital with sepsis and it is not good.   They are draining more fluid from his abdomen this weekend, but he is in bad shape.

I told my DH he has got to work the chemo plan as prescribed or he isn't going to make it.  I mean, there is a strong chance he won't make it at all anyway, but he seems to be bent on accelerating the process.   That is my opinion anyway.

DH may be flying out for a funeral sometime soon.   I told him to consider flying out now.   It is a horrible time for him to go.   I start back to work and we have no one to watch the 5 year old while I am at work until school starts for him which is September.   But life can get in the way of life, you know?   We will figure something out.

Ugh, that's so frustrating and I'm almost 100% sure that my DH would react the same way. I'm sorry! The stress of it all and then the stress of him not working the plan has got to be such an enormous weight on your family's shoulders. Hugs!

Edited by stephanier.1765
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Faith-manor

Faith-manor

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So sorry , Dawn! I do agree that though it is bad timing, your dh going now makes more sense than going later for a funeral. Go while the person is alive and can be comforted by your presence is my motto. So many of my father in law's relatives and friends saved their paid vacation for the funeral and never saw him in person during the last year of his life. That was really hard on him, on my mother in law, and then later they said they regretted their decision. I hope you can find someone to help with A.

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