How do you teach someone to drive?

[Drama Llama]

Apparently, my little baby boy is old enough to drive.  I am not sure how that happened, but the state has issued him a learner's permit.

His grandfather and multiple uncles all offered to teach him to drive, and I got all offended by the sexism, and announced I'm doing it myself.

Except I don't actually know how.  Any advice?  

[Terabith]

I highly recommend driving around parking lots until he has a feel for steering, starting, and stopping.  Maybe work on parking too.  Then I'm a big fan of the VA complex at night, with miles and miles of fairly deserted, low speed roads to practice on.  That worked really well with my oldest, but my youngest learned to drive during covid, when the VA was closed to outsiders, so we started with driving to Dairy Queen because it was high value.  

[historically accurate]

We start in an empty parking lot. A quick talk about all the buttons, pedals, etc. My talk always ends with, "When I say, "Stop", you stop! No questioning, no rolling your eyes, no hesitation, etc." 

Then, kiddo graduates to parking in the parking lot - this is how we end most driving lessons actually even as they get better at driving. Park at least 10 times - get out and look at your parking job - do you need to pull in further? Did you go over a line? etc. Also backing out of the parking spots is hard for most kids.

We then go to the local cemetery, which is actually pretty expansive and practice on "roads". Next, a neighborhood with very little traffic, very few pedestrians, and slow speed limits during the day. 

Then, and only then, out to the roads. I alternate between in-town and out in the country. In town for distractions, stop lights, etc. Out in the country for speed (I've had 1 kid who was scared to drive over 30). 

When they're comfortable on the road, they get to drive me to errands/activities.

That about sums it up - I hate teaching driving, mainly because my kids tend to be really anxious about driving. 

[Bambam]

We started out in a large empty parking lot. I had them drive around the building several times - both ways - curbs to avoid, stop sign, just figure out how the car handles. We then practice parking. I make them get out and look how close they are to the lines, did they pull up too far or not enough, etc. We practice that till they get decent (remember, it is empty!). Then there is usually trash on the ground, so I have them drive over it specifying which tire (left or right) to hit it with (not glass though!). Once we are both comfortable with that (usually several visits), then we go to the mall before it opens and practice driving around it, then our little neighborhoods, then slightly bigger streets, etc, etc.  

IMHO, you want the same person to teach them to drive, then you can have others take them out and give them advice too. 

In our state, there is one specified person who is the 'teacher' for the behind the wheel part. You have a thorough check list of things you have to do (drive x hours on limited access highway (both day and night), etc. You have to sign off on all of that. 

[Beth S]

We have a nearby cemetery that had a circular route.
 

[Terabith]

The upside to cemeteries is that they have lots of Pokemon and Poke stops, and you can play while your kid drives.  The downside is that they lock the gates when it gets dark and sometimes they define dark very broadly.  I have, um, been locked in there at night more than once.  

[Corraleno]

Agreeing with everyone else to start in a large parking lot — I generally used the mall parking lot in the morning, before they opened, since there is also a "road" that goes around the perimeter plus lots of stop signs to practice slow stops and starts. Then we progressed to little neighborhood side streets —  and then I signed them up for driving lessons!

I would actually have jumped at the chance to have an uncle or grandfather teach my kids to drive because (1) it's honestly pretty harrowing, and me gasping and grabbing the door handle whenever my ADHD kid made a scary mistake did not help things, and (2) kids often take constructive criticism from mom and constructive criticism from others very differently and I didn't want my kids to feel like I was criticizing them — I much preferred the role of congratulating them on doing well when they returned from a driving lesson with someone else!

ETA: Also, I don't know what the laws are in your state, but in mine, if kids pass a licensed driving course before the age of 18, the instructor can give them the driving test as part of the class and then they don't have to take the test at the DMV, so that was a huge bonus for using a professional driving instructor. DS was already 18 when I signed him up for lessons, but the instructor at the school we used was also licensed to do driving tests for the DMV, so although DS had to go to the DMV for that, he could take the test with someone he was comfortable with and who did not schedule the test until he knew DS was ready and would pass it.

Edited April 25, 2023 by Corraleno

[cjzimmer1]

Like everyone else, I started with empty parking lots.  The only thing I will add is that I insist my kids treat the end of the lane as "roads" and practice looking both ways, turning on turn signals etc.  I'd much rather the habit is so engrained that they use them even when not needed than it's something they have to "think" about and end up forgetting to use them when they really need to.  

One of my kids only needed a couple of hours and he was ready to head to the streets (albeit quiet and/or very rural) others needed a month or more of daily practice (we typically only practiced for 30-45 minutes a day as that was all we had time for).  But I just kept slowly increasing what we worked on. I found bigger parking lots at the community college that had a perfect setup for practicing y turns and backing up straight (and on Sundays it was deserted). Rural roads were great for practicing higher speeds (as long as there wasn't too many tractors heading out to fields).  We drove city streets with stop lights later at night when there were fewer vehicles out.  

I also don't take them for the final test until their skill level is well past the bare minimum (for instance they are not required to parallel park on the test but I make all my kids practice it till they have it down pat because it teaches excellent control of the vehicle as well as awareness of the "space" of the vehicle which is very helpful for even in parking stall next to other cars).  Also I know they will be nervous and make mistakes they don't normally make but their overall skill level is high enough to carry them through.  So far we are 3 out of 3 passing on the first try (and we did not use any driving schools, just me and the kiddo that was learning).

A couple of other things more related to the final test but good to think about now.  See if you can find a list of what skills they will be testing on the final test and also if you can find sample routes and practice those.  There is a little used road near our DMV that they frequently use for testing.  It appears to be a country road and it would be easy to assume the limit is 45 or higher.  There is no sign posted until about half way down the road that it is a 30.  MANY kids have failed for speeding on that road (speeding is an automatic failure for us) because they assumed the limit had been raised from the lower in town speed by the DMV and it's not. 

Edited April 25, 2023 by cjzimmer1

[wintermom]

Driving lessons with a professional, so that the new driver learns all the things that experienced drivers have forgotten or don't feel like doing. 

 

[Garga]

1. Parking lot. Any empty lot will do for the first time. If you can manage to get up to something like 15 mph in the parking lot, they’ll feel like it’s 80 mph. 

2. We found a parking lot that’s a combo of a movie theater/hotel. It has roads that weave through various lots and is mostly empty. So, if you can find a parking lot with “roads” through it, that’s the next step.

3. Find an empty road in a neighborhood and practice going around a block with all left turns for 10 times in a row. Left turns because that’s the side the driver is on and can see best when they’re making their turn. Then, go around the block 10 times making all right turns.

4. Next is driving in a quiet residential neighborhood and learning how to stop at all the stop signs and not hit the parked cars. 

5. Graduate up to a traffic light. Who goes when? What do all those signs and arrows mean? 

6. and 7. Then, start driving around “town” and hopefully your town isn’t NYC, but is manageable. Also start driving down the back roads, if you live in the country. Sometimes the windy 50 mph backroads with no shoulder are more scary that being in town with lower speeds and shoulders. 

8. Get on your local beltway/freeway where you have to merge at 55 or 65 mph. Stay on it for at least one exit. Do not do this during rush hour!!

9. After that, it’s just practice everything. If you have a traffic circle nearby, drive on it. If you have a wonky intersection, go through it. If you have beltway/freeways, drive on them. 

 

Oh, and I forgot—somewhere in there, parking. 

1. Park pulling in between yellow lines far away from other cars. Circle round and round and practice pullig in to park.

2. Practice backing out of the spot, away from other cars.

3. Then, practice pulling and backing out of spots, between two cars. 

4. Then practice backing in between the yellow lines (no cars yet). 

5. After a long time, practice backing in between cars.

6. Then the dreaded parallel parking. Go online to find out how to parallel park. I learned based on feel and that’s how I parallel park—by feel. I lived in a town house for 10 years and parallel parked constantly, so it’s second nature now. But there are actual steps to take so you don’t have to try to learn by feel.

 

Another tip: “how fast do I take this turn?” usually 5-10 mph. 

“When do I start slowing down before the light/stop sign?” Impossible to give a solid answer. It depends on whether the road is uphill or downhill and how fast you were going when you realized you needed to stop.  You’ll have to tell the student, “For now, I’ll tell you when, based on feel, and eventually, you’ll also be able to tell by feel, but every single stop is different based on the grade of the road and the speed limit.”

I like what @historically accuratesaid about establishing that they stop NO MATTER WHAT when you tell them to. 

 

My oldest had pretty severe anxiety about driving. We didn’t get out of the parking lot for 5 solid months because he would get panicky. And he did not listen to me when I would give him instructions. We had multiple times where I almost thought we were goners or would be involved in a terrible crash because he wouldn’t listen. He’s 20 now and I never, ever ride when he’s the driver. I don’t want to downplay PTSD, but when I get in the car with him, I can feel a horrible cocktail of adrenaline or whatever pouring through my veins and it’s a horrible feeling. When I’m in the car as a passenger, I think I also trigger a negative reaction in him as well. It’s best if I’m not a passenger in his car. 

My youngest had a normal, healthy respect for driving and teaching him was a breeze. He would even say, “C’mon Mom, you have to tell me when I’m doing something wrong,” and I would say, “Son, I will! But you’re not doing anything wrong.” He took to driving like a duck takes to water. When I said stop, he stopped. I’m not afraid to ride in a car with him as the driver.

Edited April 25, 2023 by Garga

[kristin0713]

I just signed my daughter up with AAA driving school. 

[livetoread]

The driving school my kids went through (taught by retired police) wanted kids to have some driving experience before they started with them since they took them right out on the roads. We started in a large church parking lot and then practiced in our suburban neighborhood that has wide streets. Other than that, they mostly learned how to drive from the school and just practiced with me. 

[itsheresomewhere]

Empty parking lots.  
 

I have the luxury of teaching on an old golf cart first to get them comfortable with the basics.  Bonus- we can’t go fast at all.  
 

I do recommend a driving school for a few sessions.  The one I really like around here goes over what to do with aggressive drivers, road rage and other things I hate that happen very well.  We might be saying the same things but having someone else go over it was extremely helpful to several kids I know. 

[Soror]

19 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

Like everyone else, I started with empty parking lots.  The only thing I will add is that I insist my kids treat the end of the lane as "roads" and practice looking both ways, turning on turn signals etc.  I'd much rather the habit is so engrained that they use them even when not needed than it's something they have to "think" about and end up forgetting to use them when they really need to.  

One of my kids only needed a couple of hours and he was ready to head to the streets (albeit quiet and/or very rural) others needed a month or more of daily practice (we typically only practiced for 30-45 minutes a day as that was all we had time for).  But I just kept slowly increasing what we worked on. I found bigger parking lots at the community college that had a perfect setup for practicing y turns and backing up straight (and on Sundays it was deserted). Rural roads were great for practicing higher speeds (as long as there wasn't too many tractors heading out to fields).  We drove city streets with stop lights later at night when there were fewer vehicles out.  

I also don't take them for the final test until their skill level is well past the bare minimum (for instance they are not required to parallel park on the test but I make all my kids practice it till they have it down pat because it teaches excellent control of the vehicle as well as awareness of the "space" of the vehicle which is very helpful for even in parking stall next to other cars).  Also I know they will be nervous and make mistakes they don't normally make but their overall skill level is high enough to carry them through.  So far we are 3 out of 3 passing on the first try (and we did not use any driving schools, just me and the kiddo that was learning).

A couple of other things more related to the final test but good to think about now.  See if you can find a list of what skills they will be testing on the final test and also if you can find sample routes and practice those.  There is a little used road near our DMV that they frequently use for testing.  It appears to be a country road and it would be easy to assume the limit is 45 or higher.  There is no sign posted until about half way down the road that it is a 30.  MANY kids have failed for speeding on that road (speeding is an automatic failure for us) because they assumed the limit had been raised from the lower in town speed by the DMV and it's not. 

I just had my second pass- both of mine on their first time on their 16th birthdays. We drove the route multiple times and practiced everything. In our state, you do have to parallel park so we obviously practiced that too.

Like everyone else we progressed through various scenarios as they showed competency. By the time they take their test I expect them to be able to handle all day to day driving on their own. I expect that not only will they be comfortable but I will be comfortable with their driving as well. 

50 hrs/10 at night are required here but we far exceeded that. The more they can drive the better but build up to it as you/they are ready. We have to have at least 6 months of a permit here. Ds had 1 yr as he got his tight at 15. Dd only had 9 months as the wreck delayed her readiness. 

There are no driving schools here so that isn't an option. 

Especially with dd being in the wreck with bf I'm even more if a proponent of as much practice as possible. I see way too many people not hardly having their kid drive and then them off on their own with their license. I think it is great you're taking charge. There is no reason a man would be better at teaching than a woman.  Both of mine primarily learned with me and I taught ds how to drive a stick on my own. I don't even like driving but I'm with them most of the time and I feel very strongly about preparing them as much as possible. 

Good luck you can do it 👍

[Sneezyone]

High school parking lot on a weekend. Preferably large and suburban. Ours comes equipped with parking cones. 😎 DH is in charge of making sure the kids learn the rules of the road and can drive on city streets.  Can kiddo take a class? Do your u know any calm, soothing people?

I am in charge of throwing them to the wolves in a stick shift vehicle that they own after they feel confident with an automatic. 🤣 we know our roles.

Edited April 25, 2023 by Sneezyone

[mommyoffive]

45 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

Like everyone else, I started with empty parking lots.  The only thing I will add is that I insist my kids treat the end of the lane as "roads" and practice looking both ways, turning on turn signals etc.  I'd much rather the habit is so engrained that they use them even when not needed than it's something they have to "think" about and end up forgetting to use them when they really need to.  

One of my kids only needed a couple of hours and he was ready to head to the streets (albeit quiet and/or very rural) others needed a month or more of daily practice (we typically only practiced for 30-45 minutes a day as that was all we had time for).  But I just kept slowly increasing what we worked on. I found bigger parking lots at the community college that had a perfect setup for practicing y turns and backing up straight (and on Sundays it was deserted). Rural roads were great for practicing higher speeds (as long as there wasn't too many tractors heading out to fields).  We drove city streets with stop lights later at night when there were fewer vehicles out.  

I also don't take them for the final test until their skill level is well past the bare minimum (for instance they are not required to parallel park on the test but I make all my kids practice it till they have it down pat because it teaches excellent control of the vehicle as well as awareness of the "space" of the vehicle which is very helpful for even in parking stall next to other cars).  Also I know they will be nervous and make mistakes they don't normally make but their overall skill level is high enough to carry them through.  So far we are 3 out of 3 passing on the first try (and we did not use any driving schools, just me and the kiddo that was learning).

A couple of other things more related to the final test but good to think about now.  See if you can find a list of what skills they will be testing on the final test and also if you can find sample routes and practice those.  There is a little used road near our DMV that they frequently use for testing.  It appears to be a country road and it would be easy to assume the limit is 45 or higher.  There is no sign posted until about half way down the road that it is a 30.  MANY kids have failed for speeding on that road (speeding is an automatic failure for us) because they assumed the limit had been raised from the lower in town speed by the DMV and it's not. 

Did you do this at a certain age? 

[teachermom2834]

I’ve done it three times and am sufficiently traumatized that my fourth and last child is signed up for drivers Ed this summer and they will work with her until she can pass the test and administer it to her there. 
 

I know I got the three boys driving but I’ve blocked it out except that I don’t want to do it again. I know my dd will still need lots of practice that will be stressful but I am handing the initial instruction over to a professional. 

We did always start in empty mall parking lots. Lots of places to practice stopping and turning onto roads that aren’t really roads and intersections that aren’t actually live intersections in real traffic. 
 

Where we live lots of kids have a head start from driving on farms or family property or having fun with ATVs which actually does help with handling a vehicle. But we are city folk and our kids really don’t start until they have a legal drivers permit so they are really starting from scratch learning the very basics and they need to be in a virtually empty parking lot for that. 

[cjzimmer1]

2 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

Did you do this at a certain age? 

Mine were 18 since our state laws require you to be enrolled in a driver's ed program to get your temps if you are under 18.  Driver's ed is so expensive we opted to wait a couple of years so we could avoid that expense.

[happi duck]

Before the parking lot I start with me driving and talking through what I'm doing (as we run errands etc)

 

[SHP]

2 hours ago, kristin0713 said:

I just signed my daughter up with AAA driving school. 

This was what I did for the practical side. Starting as soon as it was safe for them up front I used real traffic examples as teaching moments. I feel this was almost more important

[kirstenhill]

I'm almost to kid#2 getting his license...and then my break will be short before it gets to kid #3...big sigh. 

After the first couple hours in a parking lot, we move to slow speed residential streets. Then after that we start tackling common routes the kid will drive once they are driving independently, mostly by have them drive it as often as possible when going there anyway - church, school, friends' houses, etc. 

Then we add in long road trip driving on the interstate, and more complicated driving random places around town (maybe one way streets, places where it's tricky to turn left, etc). DH takes them out for parallel and 90 degree reverse parking, because I'm terrible at both. 

In our state we are required 6 hrs behind the wheel with a professional instructor, plus 40 parent hours (15 of which are at night).  So far we've found the night hours hardest to get - we go out for special driving sessions to get those. Tonight I took DS16 out for 40 minutes around town. I tried to take him in areas we rarely drive to so he'd get a feel for navigating when you can't always see well the curve ahead in the road, etc. 

[kirstenhill]

We live in a mid size city and both kids so far we've also taken at least once for driving in the actual large city so they could experience real traffic. More than once with DD because her goal was to be able to regularly drive there to visit friends. If you already live in a big city that's less of a concern, but if you don't it's probably better to have their first serious traffic experience to be with a parent involved than when they have their license and need to drive to a larger city for an event. 

[Rosie_0801]

Ah, well, we're just back from a learn-to-drive road trip!

Brother started Daughter off driving around a nearby national park where there is no real need to get out of second gear. After about five hours of that spread across a few weeks, when he was confident she knew how to steer and stop, they got on the road and tag team drove to pick me up. He'd been saving up for months, so they pretty much tag teamed drove around the country and I sat in the back like Lady Muck. She's already at 65 hours out of the required 120!

Since most of that was highway driving, we'll spend a bit of time over the next few weekends driving around the blocks near my house to practice turning corners more smoothly and most definitely remembering to change down to second. Driving home from my place will give her some good night driving practice, and eventually her uncle will take her into the city to practice hook turns.

When she's old enough to take her probationary licence test, she'll have a few lessons with a professional driving school for polishing.

[Laura Corin]

7 hours ago, wintermom said:

Driving lessons with a professional, so that the new driver learns all the things that experienced drivers have forgotten or don't feel like doing. 

 

Yes - we only did practice between driving lessons.  There are things that would fail you now that weren't in the Highway Code when I took the test forty-two years ago.

[Ottakee]

Agree with driving school is offered in your area.   So helpful.

[Drama Llama]

We will do driving school, but the timing for the classroom piece doesn’t work until later in the summer.  My thought is we save the in car piece for closer to when he gets his license, which is a while away, because they need to hold the LP for a number of months.  I feel more prepared to teach the parking lot stage than the highway stage.

[Kuovonne]

Driving instruction also happens when the kid is a passenger. Verbalize all the mental work of driving—scanning for potential hazards, estimating following distance, navigation, adjusting for weather, checking if the tank needs filling, planning lane changes, etc. Then have the kid start doing that mental work out loud as a passenger so it is easier when behind the wheel. 
 

I also started my kids out in an empty parking lot. The very early lessons were about getting the feel of the vehicle, without trying to drive in a lane or turn at specific places. No new skills are attempted until *both* the student and teacher felt ready to progress. 

Edited April 25, 2023 by Kuovonne

[QueenCat]

You've gotten a lot of good ideas... so mine might be a little different. 

Be prepared for a lot of deep breaths. Bad language that I don't normally use came out of my mouth a few times. Shocking both me & the child. If you like a little wine here and there, have some on hand for when you get home from driving practice.

[kirstenhill]

29 minutes ago, BandH said:

We will do driving school, but the timing for the classroom piece doesn’t work until later in the summer.  My thought is we save the in car piece for closer to when he gets his license, which is a while away, because they need to hold the LP for a number of months.  I feel more prepared to teach the parking lot stage than the highway stage.

This may be a weird hyperlocal thing, but all the driving schools here require spacing out the behind-the wheel sessions with the professional instructor with 3-4 weeks between sessions (spread out to either 3 or 4 sessions, depending on length).  We also have to hold the learner's permit at least six months in our state, but some parents here who don't read the fine print run into problems because they think their student will do all 6 hours in the last couple weeks before the test, when in reality they can't get them in that close together. 

I also was glad to have re-read the fine print while considering if I will sign up kid #3 with the same driving school as kid #2 or a different one...I thought maybe kid #3 would take the classroom portion this summer when he has a lot of free time, even though he can't take the permit written test until this winter.  But even though state regulations allow a kid to take the class any time after turning 14, all the schools have a maximum length of time between taking the classroom portion and finishing the behind the wheel portion, unless you want to essentially pay 50% more.  So if you can't get from starting classroom to finishing the behind the wheel in 15 months-ish, it costs a lot more.  At the same time they suggest the last session should be as close as possible to the time of taking the behind the wheel test at the DMV.  So it is really set up to do the whole thing in a particular time frame.

I'm sure a lot of the details are going to vary state to state and even city to city...but I guess I always tell people to read all the fine print very carefully, because it seems like it is easy to get caught out with doing it in a way that might end up costing a lot more.

I like the professional instructor hours behind the wheel because I think they are helpful, but I am slightly jealous that apparently every state doesn't require them! In some ways that would probably make the whole thing more flexible. 

[Annie G]

26 minutes ago, Kuovonne said:

Driving instruction also happens when the kid is a passenger. Verbalize all the mental work of driving—scanning for potential hazards, estimating following distance, navigation, adjusting for weather, checking if the tank needs filling, planning lane changes, etc. Then have the kid start doing that mental work out loud as a passenger so it is easier when behind the wheel. 
 

This. And understand that how you drive is their model. When oldest Dd was 14 (she’s turning 40 so this was a LONG time ago) I was following a friend home from an event, and at a railroad crossing the lights were flashing and bells going off but the arm was not yet down. She quickly went through the crossing, and got mad when I stopped, knowing the arm was about to be lowered.  Why did I stop? Because I didn’t want my kid to see me take an unnecessary chance.  

[gardenmom5]

EMPTY parking lots.  keep him in first gear.  if you have an automatic, keep him at low speed until YOU have gained some confidence he knows what he's doing.  then he can go a little faster, going up and down and *turning* up and down the ?aisles?.  make sure that includes stopping, looking, turn signal, etc.  when he's comfortable with 25mph - he can graduate to empty side streets.   

backing up: Make sure he actually turns his head and looks over his shoulder!   back-up cameras are great and all, but they're not something to depend upon.  mirrors have blind spots.  you want him to be aware of his surroundings.

I didn't let any of mine (four down) get a license until *I* was comfortable with their driving.  number of hours was irrelevant. 

Dudeling refused to get a learner's permit.  Even when I told him he needed state ID to board an airplane . . . . So, he has state ID.  I'm going to be too old to teach him to drive by the time he's ready.  (dh and I took turns, though I had one, my patience was shot and dh spent more time) glad he has brothers around to teach him.  maniacal laugh! 

[gardenmom5]

I learned on a manual - my mom made we learn the "feel" of the clutch/gas relationship before doing much driving.  I like driving manuals, but they're aren't many out there anymore.

[Clemsondana]

I would take up the relatives on their offer, just to get kid more time in the car than one person can give.  It was also a good way to get 1:1 time with a busy teen, which may or may not be important for the particular people involved in your family.  For my older, my mom actually did some driving with him...not sure if my dad did, too.  Mom just did the parking lot stuff - they started going forward and backward down our very long driveway and progressed to lots and maybe some loops on residential streets.  I did parking lots, circling and going in and out of spaces and avoiding curbs.  We didn't always, which was a bit jarring.  Spouse did parking lots and some loops on the road - there is a small old-school downtown that kid could slowly drive through, then make a loop with only one of the 4 sides of the square being crowded, and with stop lights at every turn. 

Before driving on bigger roads, we had kid go to driving school (one week of classroom instruction followed by a certain number of driving hours).  It turns out that most kids have a good bit of road time before taking the driving class.  Our kid had only been out of the parking lot once.  Not knowing that, the driving school took kid down major roads and on the interstate.  They were impressed that a first-timer in that situation did so well.  They are really good at what they do.  Kid had multiple different teachers during their driving school lessons, so between family and school they probably got instruction from 6+ different people.  Since everybody has different hang-ups, I think it helped kid, and the driving school covered a lot of best practices that most adults never developed the habit of doing.  They taught rules for how to turn into a parking spot (align this part of the car with something and then turn) which was a better fit for kid than my vague eyeball-it instructions.  They recommend a particular spacing of 3 lessons included with the class, but I think we upped it to 5.  Our school is one of the few to be allowed to do the driving test, so the last hour of kid's last lesson was the driving test and we just had to go to the DMV to get the physical license.  

I spent the months before kid got a license getting kid to give directions to everywhere that we went so that they were used to thinking about how to get places and knew turns far enough in advance to plan.  I'd point out odd merges on familiar routs or ask them to decide what lane I should be in.  As soon as kid did the basic driving, I had them drive almost everywhere that we went.  That way all of the routes that they would need to drive would be very familiar.  Kids need 50 hours of supervised driving to get their license, but our school recommended closer to 100.  The vast majority of those were with me since i'm usually the one who runs the kids around.  The day that kid got his license, he was comfortable driving to ball practice, scouts, church, etc. 

Our funny - we live on a road that isn't 2 lanes wide in many places, and even some parts that have a line down the middle aren't really comfortably 2 lanes wide.  I got in the habit of saying 'mailbox' if kid veered close enough that I worried that they'd hit one.  One day on the interstate kid drifted close to the line and needed to pull back to the center and I reflexively said ''mailbox'.  It's become a family joke when anybody drifts a bit now.  

[SKL]

When I was at this stage, someone recommended the book "Crash-Proof your Kids" which is actually pretty good.

Your state may have requirements for many hours of driving you around.  You can ease into it ... parking lots, cul-de-sacs, quiet streets, etc.  When ready, plan to go to a local store and have your kid plan the route out himself and don't give him any directions (unless it's an emergency).

I never let my kids drive around school or around their friends until they were well past the basics.  Too much need to prove something to peers, which inevitably leads to trouble.

Kids should be taught by whoever is least likely to freak out on them when they screw up, IMO.  🙂

[SKL]

Also, in my state, under 16s can ONLY drive with their parent or guardian in the car (as teacher).  So it may not be legal for uncles to teach them.  Check your laws.

Edited April 25, 2023 by SKL

[Mona]

Our DMV gave us a guide when my kids each got their permit. The guide is set up by lessons making sure you cover everything from adjusting mirrors and seats to how to parallel park, merge on to highways, and who has the right of way at a four way stop. There were places to initial that you covered each step and there was a log in the back to log hours driven and note the type of conditions; day/night, rain/shine, snow, etc. They also informed about a DMV app to track.

We also started out in a large empty parking lot. My oldest didn’t need long before he cold drive in town and around the neighborhood. My next child needed several trips to the parking lot before she was comfortable enough to drive around town.  Everyone is different. Once they were on the road a bit, I called a local driving school to take them out a few times.

[wintermom]

Every new driver is different, learns at a different pace, has different levels of anxiety and different learning styles.

The best driver-learner combination would be recommended, above and beyond parental preferece (this refers to the OP saying they would teach rather than male relatives). 

I was a better parent-teacher for some of my dc during that beginning driving stage than others.

Edited April 25, 2023 by wintermom

[Vintage81]

49 minutes ago, SKL said:

Kids should be taught by whoever is least likely to freak out on them when they screw up, IMO.  🙂

This is good advice. 😊

My oldest DD is about to turn 15 in May, so we're getting ready for this too. I fully admit that I'm the wrong person for the job for this very reason. DH will be the designated driving instructor which will be better for everyone. 😂 Good luck @BandH...I hope it all goes well for y'all!!

[barnwife]

Well, don't do what my dad did. I got my permit and then and on the way home he stopped for milk. I wasn't driving because the DMV is far from the house with lots of busy roads. When he got back to the car, he said, "You drive home."

I mentally started panicking. But then I decided that if I refused, it might be a long time before he let me drive again. So I did it.

But really, who thinks letting a new driver back a Chevy Astro van out of a parking space in a fairly busy lot is a good thing for the first attempt at driving? 

The good news is that I did it. And the van, my dad, and myself made it home in one piece.

However, I don't recommend that method. I have no idea what my dad was thinking. 

[Ottakee]

I would also have the future driver ride in the front seat with you with NO electronics.  Have them pay attention to where you are going….amazing how many don’t know directions as they never pay attention.   Have them talk through speed limits, lane changes, turns, noticing bikes, walkers, motorcycles, etc

[rebcoola]

Pretty much what everyone else has said parking lots to quiet roads. Our state gave us a booklet with a lesson guide this was nice because some of the parking maneuvers are very specific and noted things that may have changed since parents learned.  We started driving right away 50 hours are required in our state we did 200. The classroom stuff mostly like box checking rather than actually helpful to learn to drive but I have the kid that memorized the guide.

[Drama Llama]

1 hour ago, Vintage81 said:

This is good advice. 😊

My oldest DD is about to turn 15 in May, so we're getting ready for this too. I fully admit that I'm the wrong person for the job for this very reason. DH will be the designated driving instructor which will be better for everyone. 😂 Good luck @BandH...I hope it all goes well for y'all!!

If the choices are between parents, then I am definitely the right choice.  I might not be better than his uncles or his grandfather but there is no reason to think I will be worse.

I think there is this thinking that they have a responsibility to replace his father and do “fatherly” things.  And sometimes I am grateful for that.  But to me this is something either parent can do.  Lots of kids learn from their moms.  I am not prone to freaking out.

[wintermom]

6 minutes ago, BandH said:

If the choices are between parents, then I am definitely the right choice.  I might not be better than his uncles or his grandfather but there is no reason to think I will be worse.

I think there is this thinking that they have a responsibility to replace his father and do “fatherly” things.  And sometimes I am grateful for that.  But to me this is something either parent can do.  Lots of kids learn from their moms.  I am not prone to freaking out.

Well there's always an option to have your ds drive with his uncles or grandfather for practice. The male-bonding is an important element for young men. If not for the driving aspect, but for car stuff (e.g., all things cars, maintenance, models, mileage, motors, etc.). Unless, of course, this is YOUR forte and you really love cars. If so, that's really cool and a wonderful way to bond with your ds!

Edited April 25, 2023 by wintermom

[mommyoffive]

16 hours ago, cjzimmer1 said:

Mine were 18 since our state laws require you to be enrolled in a driver's ed program to get your temps if you are under 18.  Driver's ed is so expensive we opted to wait a couple of years so we could avoid that expense.

I think I have seen it for $300 ish.  Is it more expensive around you?  I had always planned on my kids waiting at least 2 years to get it.  I just think kids need the extra time to mature before driving.  I hadn't factored in the money savings of not having to take drivers ed.

[Vintage81]

25 minutes ago, BandH said:

If the choices are between parents, then I am definitely the right choice.  I might not be better than his uncles or his grandfather but there is no reason to think I will be worse.

I think there is this thinking that they have a responsibility to replace his father and do “fatherly” things.  And sometimes I am grateful for that.  But to me this is something either parent can do.  Lots of kids learn from their moms.  I am not prone to freaking out.

I definitely agree that moms can do this too!! I was just commenting on myself...sorry if that wasn't clear. 

I'm sure you'll do great...it's good that you're not prone to freaking out! ☺️ I wish you all the best! 

[SKL]

Just a funny, but the other day my 16yo offered to give driving lessons to her younger 16yo sister.  NOPE.  Thankfully the law says you have to be 21 to do that.  😛

[cjzimmer1]

3 hours ago, mommyoffive said:

I think I have seen it for $300 ish.  Is it more expensive around you?  I had always planned on my kids waiting at least 2 years to get it.  I just think kids need the extra time to mature before driving.  I hadn't factored in the money savings of not having to take drivers ed.

$500-$600 was the going rate 6 years ago.  I haven't bothered to check since.

[ScoutTN]

I don’t bc it makes me WAY too nervous. I delegate.

[ScoutTN]

42 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

$500-$600 was the going rate 6 years ago.  I haven't bothered to check since.

This is accurate for my area. Class plus 6 hrs of driving. Our insurance discount makes this totally worth it.

Edited April 25, 2023 by ScoutTN

[cjzimmer1]

1 hour ago, ScoutTN said:

This is accurate for my area. Class plus 6 hrs of driving. Our insurance discount makes this totally worth it.

That's cool that your insurance offers discounts like that, ours doesn't.  So the cost of driver's ed is a pretty hefty expense (especially times 6 kids) for us so I'm very glad we have the option to sidestep that unnecessary expense. 

 (remainder of post is just general commentary not directed at ScoutTN)

I know some people don't have the disposition to teach their kids like this but my philosophy has been , I taught them to tie their shoes, I taught them to read, I taught them to do algebra (and this was way more stressful to do with my non mathy kids than teaching them to drive), I taught them to cook and do laundry, manage their money.  Driving is just one more life skill that I teach them before sending them off on their own.  I didn't find it very hard and for the most part not really stressful either but I get it's not everyone's cup of tea (and like a previous poster, I tell my kids upfront, I'm not chit chatting with them so every word that comes out of my mouth is important and they to listen and respond appropriately, and Stop means stop immediately no questioning/hesitating we can discuss why after the stop has been made).  My most recently licensed driver did have a hard time understanding some of my directions (on parallel parking) so we watched a couple of videos on YouTube together and talked through what to do while watching the car moving.  It was very helpful for her to "see" it happening from the outside.  I had also googled the correct times to use turn signals on y turns as my memory was a bit fuzzy on that.  My point is even though I learned to drive a very long time ago and yes some things have changed, it's easy enough to find current information so make sure the student has correct information. 

Edited April 25, 2023 by cjzimmer1