What changes have you made in your life that have been positive for you mentally?

[Indigo Blue]

As in “take the bull by the horns” and do something proactive to make hard but necessary changes that, once you worked  up the courage to do, have been beneficial to you in many ways, including mentally?

Mine:

Changing accountants and changing churches. These things might not seem like a big deal, but they are to me for many reasons. There’s a lot of history and backstory that I really can’t explain here, but just know these are big things. 

We have already changed accountants. It’s a pleasure working with her. We will soon change churches. 

I feel so good about giving our business to a woman that will be respectful to me and do a great job with our business needs. It’s emotionally and mentally so freeing. She’s also a Quickbooks expert, a plus. 
 

I have attended the same church with Dh since before we were married as high school sweethearts. Dh has attended there since birth, practically. Over the years things have changed in churches in general, as we have discussed here on this board. I have come to a point in my life where my attending this church, which for quite awhile really has been more about supporting Dh, is no longer feasible for my mental health. Again, I can’t explain it, but both of us are ready to move on. I would be happy to not attend at all because I am just “done”. Been through enough. But I will be willing to attend with Dh somewhere new if we are both happy. ONE thing, of many, that I will say is that hearing negative messages/sermons consistently is just something I can no longer tolerate. I feel happy that we are going to be proactive and make a change. 
 

These changes feel good, right, and justified. It feels good having the power to do them. It feels good to use that power to actually make those changes. And it feels good to feel better about it all. 

 

 

 

 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

Changing jobs.  It’s an adjustment and my MIL(main source of childcare now that DH and I aren’t working opposite shifts all the time) hurt her back and will need surgery, but we will figure it out.  Even in just two weeks everyone in my life is commenting on how much more relaxed and happier I am.

[kbutton]

I picked up a part-time seasonal job. So far, so good. I really like getting out of the house. I feel a wee bit too busy, but it's temporary, and I think I'll have a better idea of how I want to use my time when it ends. 

[MEmama]

So many things, most that seem insignificant but have made a big difference:

Not cleaning as much. Seriously, there are fur balls on my floor and I don't care. It's liberating.

Not waiting to make my own breakfast on other members of the household to finish whatever they are doing "just in case" they want breakfast too. They can make their own, I don't need to feel guilty.

I accepted a job because I think it will be good for me.

Dyed my hair purple and got tattoos because I wanted to, without asking for anyone else's input.

Started taking an antidepressant, which is helping in all the ways.

Am leaning into my f*ck it phase of life and am learning what makes *me* happy.

 

 

[TexasProud]

Honestly, staying away from this board.  I regret it every time I come back and have a worse frame of mind . I feel more hopeless. I think I am better off being clueless.  At least my mental health is. 

[Tap]

Divorcing my x-husband. We always got along fine, so divorcing him was hard to do. I needed to be free tho. We had just been friends for the last 10 years of our 30yr together. I was so much happier within the first month of our official separating of households. 🙂

Changing jobs. I went from retail pharmacy to hospital/outpatient pharmacy. SOOOOOOOOOO much less stress.  I am sure it added years to my life.

Connecting with my BF. After divorcing my xh, I had zero intention of dating again. I knew bf from our youth, reached out on Facebook just to catch up and well that didn't go as planned. LOL We have been together for a year and he definitely brings me joy. I was really set against opening myself up again. He definitely had to put in some work to get me to let him in and had to convince me to start dating him. LOL

[TheReader]

I started fencing which has helped a ton. Exercise, yes, but also a built-in social outing, and since DH also started fencing with me, built-in date night. 

I also started joining DH at his "boot camp" exercise class (it's not one of the militant/military style ones, that's just what the guy calls it); again, the boost from exercise, but also the mental boost of seeing myself get stronger, have more energy, etc. That has been a huge confidence boost for me. 

Changing churches - some of y'all will remember the (mental) health crisis my oldest went through right before Covid; our then-church/pastor did not support us at all (not even a single email, text, phone call, nothing from him) during that time. The youth pastor/team were great, although the then-youth pastor hadn't ever even really met our oldest. But the actual pastor, nope.  When we switched during the pandemic, it was such a huge relief. 

I'm trying to lean into my "what do *I* want to do" phase of life, like MEMama mentioned. I'm not there yet, but getting there. I've been making some art quilts, working through/processing some emotions, and that's helping a lot. 

Also, we started family therapy, for other reasons, but it's been beneficial overall as well. 

[Scarlett]

I cry a lot now. So I have given myself permission to do that.  If people don’t want to see me cry in public they can look away.  Or stay away.

I got a dog.

[SKL]

When I was about 30 and I suddenly realized that everything I did was my choice.  I could choose to do it or not (obviously choosing the logical consequences of each).  This was in connection with my job / a lot of job stress and dissatisfaction that was making me feel oppressed.  I then "chose" to stay at my job and own it as the best choice for me at the time, while choosing to do some other things to improve my lot over time.  It may sound weird, but it was a really life-changing realization.

When I stopped watching TV.

When I paid off all of my debt.

When I started Yoga.

That's all I can remember off hand.

[Pawz4me]

Leaving organized religion.

Truly accepting that "good enough" really is.

Changing my voter registration to unaffiliated.

[livetoread]

Acknowledging I'd stopped believing in a deity awhile ago and trying to still do so wasn't worth it anymore.

Increasing my hiking and camping even if it meant camping by myself most of the time.

Mindfulness of the good things right now versus working myself up about what might happen in the future.

Putting less emotional energy and focus on my struggling young adult children and more on my relationships with my friends and dh.

[Pam in CT]

3+ years ago: getting a good therapist, good enough that I keep going even when I'm feeling more or less OK -- maintenance mode frequency, then I dial it up to greater frequency when I'm feeling the stressors more.

October 2022: gave up Twitter, the last of my SM (I gave up FB in 2016 and never got on the Insta train). It was MISERABLE for the first month but I can feel physically how less tense I am.

Jan 2023: got a puppy. My last dog died last June and I was so disconsolate I didn't think I ever wanted another dog, but my husband went ahead without me, which ordinarily would be SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS but in this one instance, I was wrong, he was right.

[Carol in Cal.]

Seriously embraced and was embraced by the historic Church (Confessional Lutheran)

Started to sing again

Implemented artist’s dates as a valid concept

In my 60s (!!!), changed my heel strike gait and started wearing zero drop wide forefoot shoes most of the time, which in turn prevented me from relapsing into plantar fascitis AND improved my balance to the point where it is now better than ever in my life.  Quite remarkable.

Did a period of no contact with an NPD issue, and then got strong and clear enough to return to contact but with power and stability in that situation.

[marbel]

Quit my job and embraced retirement.

Started using that free time to do more walking/light hiking without having to wait around for my husband to be free / in the mood to go. 

Spending more time engaged in religious/spiritual practices - listening to a daily prayer podcast, starting a daily Lectio Divina practice as a way to connect more deeply.

Indulging in the procurement and care of houseplants (only 8 small ones so far). 

[Indigo Blue]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I cry a lot now. So I have given myself permission to do that.  If people don’t want to see me cry in public they can look away.  Or stay away.

I got a dog.

I hope it helps, Scarlett. But it makes me sad to think that you cry a lot. 
 

Dogs make things so much better. 

[Ottakee]

I have started making more me time.   I go to the gym or swim 5 days a week, meeting a friend most of those days so we get in our social time.

I am also starting to travel more and backpack.   Again, good for my physical and mental health.

[Anowyn]

I quit social media. I didn't realize how much time I was wasting on it until I got rid of it all. 

[Shoeless]

Putting space between myself and difficult people.  It doesn't feel right to cut them off completely, so instead, I've put a lot of emotional space between us. 

Not fretting about their reaction to the emotional space helped, too. How they feel isn't my responsibility to manage.

Edited April 21, 2023 by Shoeless

[Heartstrings]

I’ve started adding in fluffy podcasts, not just the serious ones that I usually enjoy.  My usual interests of politic s, history and economics are just too heavy lately.  I’m less well informed but it’s fine.  
  I also started buying seasons of a show I’ve been wanting to watch.  It’s good for me to spend money on something just for me.  

[Ottakee]

2 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

I’ve started adding in fluffy podcasts, not just the serious ones that I usually enjoy.  My usual interests of politic s, history and economics are just too heavy lately.  I’m less well informed but it’s fine.  
  I also started buying seasons of a show I’ve been wanting to watch.  It’s good for me to spend money on something just for me.  

I altérnate my audiobooks like this too.   Sometimes I just need some fun Fluff after all the heavy stuff.

[wintermom]

Making time during the day, everyday, to walk with dh and the dogs in the woods (off-leash dog park with trails). We capitalize on going at the sunniest and warmest part of the day, and work it in around both our jobs. It's been great to do this together, getting outside in the sun everyday is great for my mential health, and laughing at the puppy's antics at the dog park is also excellent for my mental health. We meet other individuals and couples at the dog park who are also enjoying the same things we are. 

[Faith-manor]

Spending more time enjoying nature, not just being outside, but active. Kayaking and sailing, swimming, and hiking/walking has been so good for Mark and me.

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

In my 60s (!!!), changed my heel strike gait and started wearing zero drop wide forefoot shoes most of the time, which in turn prevented me from relapsing into plantar fascitis AND improved my balance to the point where it is now better than ever in my life.  Quite remarkable.

I love my zero drop shoes, but I can't find a wide variety. I'm not even sure where to go to replace mine. Any tips? I got into them because of plantar fasciitis as well. I need to find something--"regular" shoes no longer fit quite right now, though I've always been a bit hard to fit (where my foot curves is in a different place than most women's shoes, and my feet are narrow in the heel but normal-ish (again the curved part of my foot is in an odd place) across the toes. And more, but that's the biggest problem at the moment, lol! (Everyone in my FOO has funny feet!) 

Sorry to interrupt the main thread!

[Carol in Cal.]

3 minutes ago, kbutton said:

I love my zero drop shoes, but I can't find a wide variety. I'm not even sure where to go to replace mine. Any tips? I got into them because of plantar fasciitis as well. I need to find something--"regular" shoes no longer fit quite right now, though I've always been a bit hard to fit (where my foot curves is in a different place than most women's shoes, and my feet are narrow in the heel but normal-ish (again the curved part of my foot is in an odd place) across the toes. And more, but that's the biggest problem at the moment, lol! (Everyone in my FOO has funny feet!) 

Sorry to interrupt the main thread!

I wear Altras, and I have 4 different models that I rotate through.  One is a road shoe and then there are three trail running shoes.  

I tried Xero sandals and hated them.  HATED them.  

I wear Earthies casual flats with nylons or tights when I need something a little dressier than running shoes.  They are close to zero drop but not perfect.  They have a little cush and a medium amount of toe room—less than ideal but better than most.

I’ve become sensitive to arch support—I don’t like it all the time, nor do I need it very often, and I think it contributes to bunions and throws me sideways a bit, so I mostly don’t wear it but I do have one pair of dressy Abeo almost flat sandals with arch support that are very comfortable for things like weddings when I have to stand for a long time.

I’ve tried Clarks but can’t stand how they angle my toes down, even though they have that great wide forefoot design.  They actually give me cramps in my toes and feet.  

But!  I go barefoot!  A lot!  And I never thought I would be able to do that again!  My PF is GONE and I’m strengthening my feet the way they were designed to work!  It’s amazing!

BTW, I have a great thread in the old General board about PF, with lots of crowd sourced ideas.  And what finally cured mine was a gadget from Costco, MedMassager, that I used every day until I was all better.  

[kbutton]

1 minute ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I wear Altras, and I have 4 different models that I rotate through.  One is a road shoe and then there are three trail running shoes.  

I tried Xero sandals and hated them.  HATED them.  

I wear Earthies casual flats with nylons or tights when I need something a little dressier than running shoes.  They are close to zero drop but not perfect.  They have a little cush and a medium amount of toe room—less than ideal but better than most.

I’ve become sensitive to arch support—I don’t like it all the time, nor do I need it very often, and I think it contributes to bunions and throws me sideways a bit, so I mostly don’t wear it but I do have one pair of dressy Abeo almost flat sandals with arch support that are very comfortable for things like weddings when I have to stand for a long time.

I’ve tried Clarks but can’t stand how they angle my toes down, even though they have that great wide forefoot design.  They actually give me cramps in my toes and feet.  

But!  I go barefoot!  A lot!  And I never thought I would be able to do that again!  My PF is GONE and I’m strengthening my feet the way they were designed to work!  It’s amazing!

BTW, I have a great thread in the old General board about PF, with lots of crowd sourced ideas.  And what finally cured mine was a gadget from Costco, MedMassager, that I used every day until I was all better.  

This is helpful! My PF is gone, so I am good that way. I got on it early. 

I can wear some Clarks, but I think they resized their shoes. I used to wear a 9.5, and while my feet have probably flattened a bit, now I need a 10.5. They don't sell that size at all, so I am stuck with 11. I think my mom had to change her size with them too, and her feet haven't changed much.

I am barefoot all day at home. I do have some plantar warts that have become sore again since having Covid, but my PF doesn't deter me from being barefoot.

I also wear Ecco sandals--they are the occasional arch support that I like. 

I don't have dressy shoes that work with summer outfits at all, so I will have to look at Earthies.

[Sneezyone]

Self advocacy and boundaries, also silence. For ex) someone says they can’t afford to do X, I’m no longer volunteering to pay. I Iook forward to seeing you next time. DH says (despite having 60+ days of unused leave) that he can’t take a day off to attend a special weekend event that’s been planned for 6 months…I’m not going to excuse it, say it’s ok, or be ‘nice’. I’ve hired a CPA…first time, ever, to do our taxes. If I get a decent raise, I’m hiring a cleaning service too. I’m offloading tasks that do not bring me joy.

Edited April 21, 2023 by Sneezyone

[-----]

Let my relationship with my mother die a natural death (ie. no contact, long story).  

Homeschooled my 5 younger kids.  And doing WTM with them.

Joined a gym and go 4-6 times a week.

Quit going to church and quit trying to find one.  

Went vegan.  Something I need to get back to very soon.

Insisted on dh and I each having our own bedrooms. 

Gardening.  I'm lousy at it but I'm learning to love it. 😉

 

 

 

[kristin0713]

Sending my kids to school. Why did I wait so long? 😄

[kbutton]

29 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:

Sending my kids to school. Why did I wait so long? 😄

My younger one went to high school this year. How could I forget that, lol? It's been a nice change. 

[Katy]

Putting my kids in school.

Moving to a different state to do so because of special needs.

Finally getting the high risk kid vaccinated so we didn't have to be in isolation.

Routinely stopping watching news whenever it's too much since a few elections ago. DH tells me the important stuff.

Changing political parties from independent to a particular party.  Even if my values were previously pretty split, some issues are now more important to me than others.

Eating mostly raw and plant based drastically changes my happiness level.  I went off of it a few weeks back when we had a stomach bug come through and I haven't gotten back on, and today I've been abnormally prone to tears.  My period just ended so hormones shouldn't be the problem.  Even happy songs made me cry today. I've got to get back on it in the morning.

[SKL]

Not sure if I should add this or not, but ... becoming a BTS fan.  Haha.  It gives me something fun to think about.  But it's also a distraction, so I'm not sure ....

[Shoeless]

Oh, yoga! And walking outside helps tremendously.  I know that sounds hokey, but it really does help.

[Corraleno]

Biggest change for me was going WFPB two years ago. I lost 40 lbs and feel so much better.

Fully embracing the "don't-give-a-shit-what-anyone-thinks-anymoreness" of old age.

Accepting that as much as I love the idea of having a huge vegetable and flower garden, like I've had in previous places I've lived, realistically I don't have the energy for that any more, and it's OK to just grow a few plants in pots on the deck and stop pretending that I'll put in a big garden "next year."

Maintaining firm boundaries with dysfunctional family members and refusing to get sucked into drama.

 

Edited April 21, 2023 by Corraleno

[Laura Corin]

Moving house to one with a smaller garden/yard. I felt burdened by looking after the old one and also didn't want to commit money to getting someone else to tend it.

Now I have more time to exercise, read, travel and study.

[Melissa Louise]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

Not sure if I should add this or not, but ... becoming a BTS fan.  Haha.  It gives me something fun to think about.  But it's also a distraction, so I'm not sure ....

This has been GREAT for my mental health, although I think it probably makes me seem more nuts from the outside!

I might be streaming the new Agust D album rn as I type...

[marbel]

Two more I thought after reading other posts:

Paying for a Spotify account, rather than always trying to get my music for free, and having music on in the house more often. Any type of music I want to hear at the time. It really helps my mood.

My Instagram account. I don't use it as social media, it's just for pleasure. I used a fake name so no one is going to find me, and only follow organizations that make me happy. I see pictures of beautiful gardens, beautiful food, places I might go, places I'll never go but are nice to look at... I do get ads but mostly they are related to what I want to see, so they are not too bothersome. I started it when I had my horrible customer service job, for a little escape between customers. Now I still use it when I'm waiting somewhere or just need a very short break to reset my day.

 

[MEmama]

6 hours ago, SKL said:

Not sure if I should add this or not, but ... becoming a BTS fan.  Haha.  It gives me something fun to think about.  But it's also a distraction, so I'm not sure ....

Distractions can be healthy. Earlier this year I went waaaay deep into the fandom for a certain show and found it to be an excellent, harmless escape when I was in a space where really needed one. I say embrace it.

[Faith-manor]

8 hours ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

Not engaging with people on this board. 

ETA - leaving Christianity. Not going to church still makes me so happy. 

Me too. We gave up on organized religion, and instead followed our hearts supporting causes and NGO's we could trust, and volunteering for the community in practical, none religious ways. We are both better of mentally. We both have excellent singing voices, and miss singing so good news, we found a community choir to sing with though we have to travel some distance for it. It has been worth that once per week effort this year.

[Faith-manor]

Carol, is DA BOMB on foot issues. She helped us so much when Mark had a bout with plantar fasciitis. Her recommendations were spot on, and he now wears Brooks Cascadia trail running shoes everyday except when he had to dress up for an in person work meeting. He has never had another problem. Carol was way more help than his physician and the podiatrist combined!

[Navymom]

Got another dog. Between aging dogs and covid I didn't  actively train, teach or compete for about 3 years. I missed it terribly. 

Dh was adamant that we should go down to 1 dog, but I finally convinced him that I NEEDED a puppy. Seriously needed one!

It is the one thing that is all mine. 

 

[Kidlit]

Changing jobs--from classroom teacher to public children's librarian--I have enough interactions with kids to keep me happy, I am surrounded by books all day, and I get to help support parents in early literacy, etc.  I don't do lesson plans and rarely take home work.  I DON'T GRADE PAPERS!

 

  I have Babytime today!  😍

[wintermom]

7 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

Moving house to one with a smaller garden/yard. I felt burdened by looking after the old one and also didn't want to commit money to getting someone else to tend it.

Now I have more time to exercise, read, travel and study.

Glad you're enjoying your new home and smaller garden! I'm all about opening up time for "leisure" activities - though they are a necessity to me.

On a similar note, I've let part of my backyard become a "haven for wildflowers" which means I don't mow it. It's a win-win for me and the butterflies, etc. ☺️

[BeachGal]

Avoiding the internet as much as possible.

Getting outside as much as possible. I work on the gardens where I live, do free landscaping for poorer churches and pick up litter in our city. Being outside is where I find my happy place. Even in winter. 

Meeting and engaging with people irl. I have met many people in my city while gardening and what strikes me the most is how lonely so many are.

Tackling projects and chores I despised and thus avoided in the past. I now commit to these several days per week shortly after waking up.

Reading more about philosophy and religion. Learning about and touring churches. Trying to memorize the Prayer of Saint Francis.

[Indigo Blue]

7 hours ago, Corraleno said:

Biggest change for me was going WFPB two years ago. I lost 40 lbs and feel so much better.

Fully embracing the "don't-give-a-shit-what-anyone-thinks-anymoreness" of old age.

Accepting that as much as I love the idea of having a huge vegetable and flower garden, like I've had in previous places I've lived, realistically I don't have the energy for that any more, and it's OK to just grow a few plants in pots on the deck and stop pretending that I'll put in a big garden "next year."

Maintaining firm boundaries with dysfunctional family members and refusing to get sucked into drama.

 

Love your post. Especially the last part. As you know, I choose to not be no contact, but I have made so much progress in this area (mentally) too. Just didn’t mention that in my OP. 
 

I wish we didn’t have to get ourselves to a point where we no longer give a darn about what others think. Several of us mentioned that in this thread. I wish things were different so we could be more vulnerable and be our natural selves. That’s not reality, though. It’s sad. 

[Spryte]

I gave up chasing a relationship with a FOO member that didn’t really care one way or another about a relationship with me, maybe five years ago. Just stopped the endless trying and let it go. 

Started exercising. Went keto and lost 25 lbs, have kept it off for 7 years staying low carb. 

Started some new, good habits with DH.

Found what works for us re: school (BYL), and I stick with it instead of changing things up every summer when the bug hits. 

 

[ScoutTN]

Making more time, and guarding that time, for things that charge my emotional and spiritual batteries. Reading, time with friends, time outdoors, Bible study and prayer groups, community service, etc. Doing this despite ongoing challenges with my Dh and Ds, not letting their issues dominate all my time, energy, thinking. 

 

Stopped verbally processing at home or with my Dh or Ds. I just keep my thoughts to myself, write them down, or occasionally  talk through something with friends. This is hard to do, but also freeing in many ways. It reduces conflict and misunderstanding. 

Dd and I can think together out loud about some things and we both enjoy that at times. We listen, learn things from one another, understand each other, and laugh together, often at ourselves. I treasure those conversations. 
 

Goal setting. I needed to be more forward-thinking, not just stuck in the moment. To recognize what can be changed and what cannot. To set aside some ideals and dreams and pick up new ones. @Granny_Weatherwax The goal thread has been super helpful for me in this, even though this year had had a rough start and I have not posted much. The thinking has been a needed challenge for me. 

Edited April 21, 2023 by ScoutTN

[Indigo Blue]

I really love all these posts. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

Stopped reading most of the news.  That's very recent.  Some of the recent topics are very triggering for me, and I will just brood on them all day long.  So I had to remove myself from those topics.  Only happy, fluffy, or local news for me for the most part.  My mental health is better for it.

We downsized from a house to an apartment two years ago.  So freeing!  That house felt like a trap.  Endless projects, neighborhood going downhill.  So glad to be out of there!  And if we want to move now, we just end our lease and hire some movers.  No worry about finishing endless projects and getting the house ready for sale and all that.

And I'm finally getting my eyes fixed!  This is the year to attend to my early onset cataracts.  First two appointments out of the way, on track for surgery this summer!

[Toocrazy!!]

I also changed my eating habits and have been surprised the change nutrition can make on my moods. Feel so much better. 
About four years ago in the middle of some real stress, I started reading really fluffy romance books. Total escapism. I love them and the distraction they provide. A fictional totally unrealistic happy ending makes me happy! 
I also switched up my job to get rid of a lot of tasks that were truly stressful. Took a pay cut but totally worth it. 

[Clarita]

Taking care of people feelings. Genuinely listening to what people want instead of giving them what I think they need. 

Spending some time speaking to my spouse in an (what I thought) was overly nice way, pretty much using those scripted "I feel..when you..I need..." type things. What I used to think was me being transparent and completely honest, was really me being toxic and disrespectful.