Does “No problem” in response to “Thank you” upset you?

[Garga]

This youtube video sort of explains why older people don’t like “No problem” as an answer to “Thank you.” 

 

The video is about those little phrases we say back and forth to each other that don’t really have more deeper meaning than, “I acknowledge you,” like when we say, “What’s up?”  We don’t really mean for you to list what you’re up to, we’re just greeting each other.  They’re called phatic phrases.

To me, saying “No problem,” (short for “It was no problem” or “It was not a problem”) reassures the person I’m doing a favor for that they haven’t put me out and that I’m not resentful at the request and that our goodwill toward each other is still strong.

But for older people, it doesn’t seem to convey that at all.  My family was at a church event where there were many older people there and a number of them got to talking about how they don’t like “No problem” as a response to “Thank you.”  They were getting a bit irritated at the thought.

Musing:  the phrase “you’re welcome” kinda doesn’t mean anything.  Welcome usually means a friendly greeting, like when you are invited into a home.  “Welcome to my home!”  So if you do someone a favor and they say “Thank you” and you say, “You’re welcome,” ...welcome to do what?  Saying “you’re welcome” is completely meaningless.  Which, I suppose, is why it fits the definition of a phatic phrase, as defined in the video—phatic phrases are somewhat meaningless of themselves.

 

What do you think?  Does “No problem” bother you and if so are you Gen Xer, a Boomer, a Millennial, etc?  

 

 

[regentrude]

Does not bother me. It's an idiom that makes sense. I am 51 y/o. I don't think the Thanks requires a response at all. Btw, it makes at least as much sense as the cursory, not seriously meant question "How are you" as a greeting phrase.

[Tanaqui]

"You're welcome" is also a newcomer. Up until relatively recently people said "my pleasure".

[Momto6inIN]

I have no problem with "no problem" 🙂

[Momto6inIN]

I always thought that "you're welcome" meant "you are welcome to the service I just provided you" so it does kinda make sense to me.

[AngieW in Texas]

I'm a "no problem" person. That makes much more sense as a response. I'm almost 52.

[Wheres Toto]

I have no problem with No Problem.  😁

I just turned 50. 

This discussion also reminded me of this:

 

[Pawz4me]

I'm 56, on the tail end of the Boomers, and it doesn't bother me at all. I can't say that I've ever even thought about it. To me you're welcome, no problem and my pleasure are all just polite acknowledgements. 

[Arcadia]

For a formal response, I was taught in elementary school (late 70s/early 80s) to say “It’s my pleasure” or “The pleasure is all mine”.

[marbel]

I prefer "You're welcome" over "No Problem." I am old.  

But really when I say thank you to a cashier, they should say "thank you for shopping with us," "thank you for your business," something like that.  They should be thanking the customer for doing business there, not assuring the customer that serving them is not a problem.  

"My pleasure" is also good. 

[Pen]

De nada. 

[Wilma]

Doesn't bother me at all, but it's also not my favorite. I'm a Texan, and the gold standard here is "yes ma'am/sir."

So, imagine having walked through a door a teenaged kid is holding open for you and your crew. You say, "Thank you." And he replies, "Yes, ma'am." Is that not the actual nicest thing?

The other nicest reply I know is the Dominican Republic's "siempre," which means always. Is that not the other nicest??

[katilac]

I'm 53, so Gen X, and it doesn't bother me at all. In my limited observation, it tends to annoy easily annoyed people, lol. The same cranky people who snap, "Merry CHRISTMAS" with no goodwill whatsoever when someone wishes them happy holidays 😄

[annandatje]

Sixty two here and have no problem with "no problem."

[Annie G]

I’m 58 and it doesn’t upset me to hear ‘no problem’ but I don’t use it. If I have actually done someone for someone and they thank me, I prefer to reply with “I was happy to do it” or ‘my pleasure/you’re welcome’.   (I mean things like giving someone a ride if asked, bringing a meal, etc.)  If it’s a silly thing like asking someone to pass the salt, then whatever. In that case, the thank you/no problem thing doesn’t matter at all.  

[maize]

I imagine adapting to changes in the way younger people speak has always been and will always be a bit challenging and even irritating for some older people. 

Language has changed in every generation, that's just how language works.

[gardenmom5]

upset?  no.

consider it basically meaningless as a response to "thank you"? yes.

wonder if the person has a problem making a definitive statement?  yes.

 

I used to respond to my mom, when making similar responses to "thank you", "the correct response to 'thank you' is: **you're welcome**"!  she had to think about it.  "oh".

 

 

[Kassia]

No problem doesn't bother me at all but recently I've had people respond with, "no worries" and I felt like it implied that I was worried when I wasn't.  I'm sure it's just an expression but I definitely prefer no problem.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why would I have a problem with something so inconsequential?  So no, I don't  have a problem with "no problem". 

[gardenmom5]

26 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Well....I have thoughts, but really, they aren't based on anything other than my own thoughts.

Thank You is an expression of appreciation.  So, when a person says Thank You, they basically saying "I appreciate that you took the time to do/say XYZ to/for me."

You are Welcome, to me, says "You are welcome to my efforts of XYZ at any time."

And IMO, "No Problem" says basically the same thing to me.  "It was no problem for me to do XYZ"\

 

But, so much social grease is much more surface level than that, so my thoughts probably don't really mean much.  

 

to me, it does not mean the same thing as "you're welcome".  let alone "it was my pleasure".  "glad I could help".   those acknowledge you put forth effort to assist someone.  

to me, no problem, trivializes that you assisted someone and what it meant to them.   I'd wonder if the person would still assist me if they thought the effort was too much for them?  

[Miss Tick]

Having heard this discussion before, I sometimes panic and respond "Sure!" Which is probably absolutely reviled by all the people who dislike "no problem" and also disliked by some of the people who are okay with "no problem". Just another symptom of my chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome.

[Guest]

30 minutes ago, Pen said:

De nada. 

We say that a lot in our family (for no particular reason; nobody her is Spanish or even speaks it particulalry fluently) or we use the French “de rein.” De rein is the eauivalent of saying, “It’s nothing,” so really that is quite similar to saying “no problem.” (And because I am guessing “nada” also literally translates to “nothing,” I guess in Spanish it is the same.) 

I use no problem and it does not bother me, however, when I am being more formal, I say, “my pleasure” or “you’re welcome.” 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, marbel said:

I prefer "You're welcome" over "No Problem." I am old.  

But really when I say thank you to a cashier, they should say "thank you for shopping with us," "thank you for your business," something like that.  They should be thanking the customer for doing business there, not assuring the customer that serving them is not a problem.  

"My pleasure" is also good. 

Yes.  This.  I am 54.  It bugs me.  But I try to not let it bug me too much because well, times change.  

I also don’t like yeah as a affirmative response.  I actually ask my boys to say yes or no even in text.  

[teachermom2834]

What if someone thanks you in text and you respond “No problem!” With smiling emojis? I think exclamation points and emojis convey my pleasure 😂

Honestly I think I use “no problem” in response to doing a favor for someone. So a neighbor thanks me for picking up their mail I will most likely say “no problem” with a warm smile. Not dismissive. I can’t imagine saying it in response to giving a gift or something but for simple favors “no problem” implies it caused you no trouble and feel free to ask again. It isn’t exactly my pleasure to pick up mail but it certainly is no problem and the recipient should be assured I was not at all put out. Saying “You’re welcome” almost seems a little dramatic as a response to a simple favor. Lol. Funny to think about it. I am 44 yo.

[Scarlett]

39 minutes ago, Quill said:

We say that a lot in our family (for no particular reason; nobody her is Spanish or even speaks it particulalry fluently) or we use the French “de rein.” De rein is the eauivalent of saying, “It’s nothing,” so really that is quite similar to saying “no problem.” (And because I am guessing “nada” also literally translates to “nothing,” I guess in Spanish it is the same.) 

I use no problem and it does not bother me, however, when I am being more formal, I say, “my pleasure” or “you’re welcome.” 

 

Yes, I can see it used more casually. I don’t love it when people I am giving my business to say that to me.  But I won’t ever complain.  

[Scarlett]

Just now, teachermom2834 said:

What if someone thanks you in text and you respond “No problem!” With smiling emojis? I think exclamation points and emojis convey my pleasure 😂

Honestly I think I use “no problem” in response to doing a favor for someone. So a neighbor thanks me for picking up their mail I will most likely say “no problem” with a warm smile. Not dismissive. I can’t imagine saying it in response to giving a gift or something but for simple favors “no problem” implies it caused you no trouble and feel free to ask again. It isn’t exactly my pleasure to pick up mail but it certainly is no problem and the recipient should be assured I was not at all put out. Saying “You’re welcome” almost seems a little dramatic as a response to a simple favor. Lol. Funny to think about it. I am 44 yo.

Yes, I would agree to this as well.  It isn't always dismissive to me. 

[maize]

Some of you are really overthinking this. Some version of "no problem" or "it was nothing" is a common polite response to "thank you" in many languages. It has no deep meaning, it's a polite interaction smoothing response and not inferior to other options.

De nada (Spanish, Portuguese)

De rien (French

Не за что  (Russian)

And many other languages. There is nothing negative or insufficiently polite about such a response.

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, Wilma said:

Doesn't bother me at all, but it's also not my favorite. I'm a Texan, and the gold standard here is "yes ma'am/sir."

So, imagine having walked through a door a teenaged kid is holding open for you and your crew. You say, "Thank you." And he replies, "Yes, ma'am." Is that not the actual nicest thing??

No.  I dislike being ma'am'ed. Makes me feel old.

[marbel]

16 minutes ago, maize said:

Some of you are really overthinking this. Some version of "no problem" or "it was nothing" is a common polite response to "thank you" in many languages. It has no deep meaning, it's a polite interaction smoothing response and not inferior to other options.

De nada (Spanish, Portuguese)

De rien (French

Не за что  (Russian)

And many other languages. There is nothing negative or insufficiently polite about such a response.

Overthinking it?  LOL, the OP asked for opinions!  But, as one who does not like "no problem" I will say that when someone says it to me, I don't complain, or roll my eyes, or hit the person  with my cane. 🙂

Thinking about this some more... I do phone customer service for a bank.  It's a "young" bank, run by very young people, mostly. And we are to end every interaction by thanking the customer for their call, for their business.  We are never to say "no problem."  In fact, it is on the list of things we are not supposed to say.  So I am not sure it is a generational thing only.

In families, among friends, "no prob, Bob" works great. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I just discovered something from watching that clip - When DH answers the phone to one of our kids he always says "Whats Up"- which makes all the kids and I think that he thinks something unpleasant is happening. But after watching this I now know that it is a North American thing ( in his case Canada)  and not a lets panic moment .

amusingly my ds21 now responds "well I am still alive"  when DH says "What's Up" - which while amusing for ds21 makes me think that something life-threatening must have happened. I never get use to it.

 

No problems is a pretty common expression in my area and ha been used at least for the 46 years I have been alive

Edited August 8, 2019 by Melissa in Australia

[maize]

16 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I just discovered something from watching that clip - When DH answers the phone to one of our kids he always says "Whats Up"- which makes all the kids and I think that he thinks something unpleasant is happening. But after watching this I now know that it is a North American thing ( in his case Canada)  and not a lets panic moment .

amusingly my ds21 now responds "well I am still alive"  when DH says "What's Up" - which while amusing for ds21 makes me think that something life-threatening must have happened. I never get use to it.

 

No problems is a pretty common expression in my area and ha been used at least for the 46 years I have been alive

Yes, what's up I'd just a greating around here; 

A typical response would be "not much" 🙂

[HS Mom in NC]

2 hours ago, Arcadia said:

For a formal response, I was taught in elementary school (late 70s/early 80s) to say “It’s my pleasure” or “The pleasure is all mine”.

Where did you grow up?  I wasn't taught that in the Southwest in the late 70s/early 80s.

[HS Mom in NC]

2 hours ago, Wilma said:

Doesn't bother me at all, but it's also not my favorite. I'm a Texan, and the gold standard here is "yes ma'am/sir."

So, imagine having walked through a door a teenaged kid is holding open for you and your crew. You say, "Thank you." And he replies, "Yes, ma'am." Is that not the actual nicest thing?

The other nicest reply I know is the Dominican Republic's "siempre," which means always. Is that not the other nicest??

In other parts of the West "Ma'am" is offensive. It's ONLY acceptable use if it's used for a very very old lady.  In AZ employees are trained to say, "Miss" for every female who is not a grey haired woman with a walker, hearing aids, and orthopedic shoes.

[Arcadia]

2 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Where did you grow up?  I wasn't taught that in the Southwest in the late 70s/early 80s.

 

SE Asia, Roman Catholic convent school (autonomous public school)

[katilac]

 

2 hours ago, SusanC said:

Having heard this discussion before, I sometimes panic and respond "Sure!" Which is probably absolutely reviled by all the people who dislike "no problem" and also disliked by some of the people who are okay with "no problem". Just another symptom of my chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome.

Brian Regan, take luck (really short): 

 

2 hours ago, StellaM said:

In our fam, Boomers and Xers, we say 'No prob Bob' to each other, which I think most people on these forums would loathe! But we have a few weird things like that - if we're getting ready to go out or get started on something, we sometimes say 'Right said Fred, climbing up the ladder'. Isn't language so awesome and weird!

Yes, it is, and I'm feeling the need for 'Right said Fred, climbing up the ladder' to replace our usual, 'Ready, Eddy, Freddy, spaghetti?' 

18 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Where did you grow up?  I wasn't taught that in the Southwest in the late 70s/early 80s.

Me either. I'm a few years earlier, and I thought that sounded very formal for the era. 

[alisoncooks]

I say "no problem" all the time. In my defense, I was going for casual and friendly. Not offensive. Oops. 

[JustEm]

3 hours ago, Wilma said:

You say, "Thank you." And he replies, "Yes, ma'am." Is that not the actual nicest thing?

 

 

No it is not the nicest thing.  I cringe when people call me ma'am.  It is just not the norm in my area.  the only people who get called ma'am are senior citizens.  At 34 years old, I'm very far from being a ma'am.

[JustEm]

24 minutes ago, katilac said:

 

Brian Regan, take luck (really short): 

 

 

hehe, I quote that one a lot. 

[ktgrok]

5 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

upset?  no.

consider it basically meaningless as a response to "thank you"? yes.

wonder if the person has a problem making a definitive statement?  yes.

 

I used to respond to my mom, when making similar responses to "thank you", "the correct response to 'thank you' is: **you're welcome**"!  she had to think about it.  "oh".

 

 

Wait...you lectured your mother, your elder, on etiquette  and you think she was the one not being proper?

5 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

to me, it does not mean the same thing as "you're welcome".  let alone "it was my pleasure".  "glad I could help".   those acknowledge you put forth effort to assist someone.  

to me, no problem, trivializes that you assisted someone and what it meant to them.   I'd wonder if the person would still assist me if they thought the effort was too much for them?  

It means, "helping you is not a problem, nor a burden, so no need to feel beholden to me"

1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

 

No it is not the nicest thing.  I cringe when people call me ma'am.  It is just not the norm in my area.  the only people who get called ma'am are senior citizens.  At 34 years old, I'm very far from being a ma'am.

This always shocks me when I hear it on here. Here anyone female is a ma'am, I even refer to my dd9 and dd2 that way! 

[Farrar]

This is why I hate manners. People think that the thing they have in their head is "the one and only correct way" and that anyone not doing it is purposefully making some statement, even if they're literally told that mores have changed or that there are regional or cultural differences. Way to take things personally.

[theelfqueen]

I dont mind No Problem but "My Bad" in place of "I'm sorry" rubs me the wrong way. 

[katilac]

9 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

 This always shocks me when I hear it on here. Here anyone female is a ma'am, I even refer to my dd9 and dd2 that way! 

Same in my neck of the woods! Ma'am and sir alike. 

[JustEm]

16 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

This always shocks me when I hear it on here. Here anyone female is a ma'am, I even refer to my dd9 and dd2 that way! 

 

Yeah, I'm well aware that it is the norm in southern places.  My sister lives in Alabama so her kids call me ma'am and when I'm there I hear it from everyone.  It doesn't upset me but inwardly I cringe.  It is more of an automatic reaction than anything I actually think care about.  I'd never be upset by being called ma'am I just don't like it.

[gardenmom5]

19 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Wait...you lectured your mother, your elder, on etiquette  and you think she was the one not being proper?

It means, "helping you is not a problem, nor a burden, so no need to feel beholden to me"

 

  considering she acted the rebellious teen - when **I** was a teen (and needed a mother).    you *really* don't want to go there...

as for the second - opinions differ.  the OP asked for opinions.

[ktgrok]

4 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

  considering she acted the rebellious teen - when **I** was a teen (and needed a mother).    you *really* don't want to go there...

as for the second - opinions differ.  the OP asked for opinions.

I'm not saying she isn't a pain, it was just ironic 

As for what it means, it seems the meaning is determined by the one saying it. They know what they mean. Others may interpret it differently, but when i say it I mean that it was no problem to help you, you are not a burden, don't feel beholden to me. I get that others may not understand that that is my meaning, but it is still my meaning. 

[YaelAldrich]

I'm only 45 and I cringe (inwardly) when someone says no problem to my thank you.  I hope when someone does a kindness for me it's never a problem.  And by saying no problem, it kind of implies it was.  Maybe I'm nuts...

[gardenmom5]

27 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

I'm not saying she isn't a pain, it was just ironic 

As for what it means, it seems the meaning is determined by the one saying it. They know what they mean. Others may interpret it differently, but when i say it I mean that it was no problem to help you, you are not a burden, don't feel beholden to me. I get that others may not understand that that is my meaning, but it is still my meaning. 

you seem to have a difficult time dropping this.  this isn't about her "being a pain".  (which implies annoying, but not serious consequences to her actions.)   again - you do NOT want to go there.

and again - the OP asked for opinions. what it means to you,  is irrelevant to me. we have different opinions.  

 

[Shoeless]

"No problem" is fine.  "You're welcome" is fine.  Any kind of verbal acknowledgment of appreciation is a-ok with me! 

IMO, grumping that you got a "No problem" when you wanted a "You're welcome" is like complaining you won the lottery, but were paid in nickels when you really wanted dimes, lol. 

 

[Tanaqui]

...I don't want to be paid my lottery winnings in nickels OR dimes. Whatever happened to enormous novelty checks?

[Rosie_0801]

7 hours ago, Wilma said:

So, imagine having walked through a door a teenaged kid is holding open for you and your crew. You say, "Thank you." And he replies, "Yes, ma'am." Is that not the actual nicest thing?

 

Definitely location specific. I'd feel like the kid really meant "Well I have to do this so I don't look like a rude little so-and-so, don't I? Now would you hurry along, old woman, so I can get on with my day?" I'd much prefer "no worries." lol