Does “No problem” in response to “Thank you” upset you?

[HSmomof2]

Doesn’t bother me at all. I often respond with No Problem myself and never considered it bothered anyone. I’m Gen X.

[Rosie_0801]

5 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I just discovered something from watching that clip - When DH answers the phone to one of our kids he always says "Whats Up"- which makes all the kids and I think that he thinks something unpleasant is happening. But after watching this I now know that it is a North American thing ( in his case Canada)  and not a lets panic moment .

 

Older relatives in my family have been known to use "What's cookin,' good looking'?" Would your kids prefer that? 😄

[Shoeless]

9 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

...I don't want to be paid my lottery winnings in nickels OR dimes. Whatever happened to enormous novelty checks?

 

They still do those! One of my former teachers won Publisher's Clearinghouse sweepstakes and they gave him a giant check! 

[Laura Corin]

It doesn't bother me. I try to look for intention.

In England, I grew up with 'Not at all' rather than 'You're welcome'. It's essentially the same meaning as 'No problem'. I'm 56.

[Laura Corin]

4 hours ago, hjffkj said:

 

No it is not the nicest thing.  I cringe when people call me ma'am.  It is just not the norm in my area.  the only people who get called ma'am are senior citizens.  At 34 years old, I'm very far from being a ma'am.

In the UK it sounds sarcastic, or at least odd.

[Melissa in Australia]

2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

 

Older relatives in my family have been known to use "What's cookin,' good looking'?" Would your kids prefer that? 😄

My dad says that

[Melissa in Australia]

2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

 

Definitely location specific. I'd feel like the kid really meant "Well I have to do this so I don't look like a rude little so-and-so, don't I? Now would you hurry along, old woman, so I can get on with my day?" I'd much prefer "no worries." lol

we use no worries as well

 the only people who have ma'amed me are telemarketers who have English as a second language/ I just assume they learned American English as I think they are the only ones ma'aming anyone

[Rosie_0801]

Just now, Melissa in Australia said:

 the only people who have ma'amed me are telemarketers who have English as a second language/ I just assume they learned American English as I think they are the only ones ma'aming anyone

 

I hate that. It makes me feel like a coloniser.

[Melissa in Australia]

Just now, Rosie_0801 said:

 

I hate that. It makes me feel like a coloniser.

I hate it as well

 to me it sounds patronising 

[DawnM]

7 hours ago, hjffkj said:

 

No it is not the nicest thing.  I cringe when people call me ma'am.  It is just not the norm in my area.  the only people who get called ma'am are senior citizens.  At 34 years old, I'm very far from being a ma'am.

 

I have had a problem with it.  We used it some in my boarding school because many of the teachers were from the South, but after living on the West Coast for so long and only hearing it as either for elderly or as sarcasm, it makes me cringe too.

I was trying to explain it to a friend here in the South and then she watched a movie where the younger man said, "Yes Ma'am" to a woman not that much older than he was, and she snapped and said, "Don't you Ma'am me!" meaning "don't call me old!"  

[DawnM]

I don't have a problem with "no problem". It is just one more way to show you are happy to help.

 

[MEmama]

8 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

In other parts of the West "Ma'am" is offensive. It's ONLY acceptable use if it's used for a very very old lady.  In AZ employees are trained to say, "Miss" for every female who is not a grey haired woman with a walker, hearing aids, and orthopedic shoes.

I dislike both.

Ma’am is snarky, Miss is dismissive. Plus usually I’m older than anyone who might call me Miss, which makes it worse and more absurd. Why refer to someone that way at all? I don’t need to be addressed when I’m buying groceries. 

 

[Guest]

26 minutes ago, MEmama said:

I dislike both.

Ma’am is snarky, Miss is dismissive. Plus usually I’m older than anyone who might call me Miss, which makes it worse and more absurd. Why refer to someone that way at all? I don’t need to be addressed when I’m buying groceries. 

 

What do you say if, for example, you were trying to catch up with the lady who left just previous and forgot her diapers? Ma’am is not heavily used here (and I pretty much never hear “miss”,) but this is one instance I would not be surprised to hear ma’am: “Excuse me, ma’am? You left your diapers!” 

[J-rap]

I don't mind "no problem" at all.  It's a simple polite acknowledgement to "thank you."  I think even a head nod would do the trick.

I can see why someone might think it's more of a negative, roundabout way of being polite -- I mean, if they're really going to interpret it literally.  

Like if I asked someone what the weather was like outside, and they answered "Well it's not cloudy and raining" instead of "it's sunny."

"It's no problem" instead of "you're welcome!" might be subtly interpreted the same way.

But I don't think most people think it through like that!

 

 

[Scarlett]

7 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

 

This always shocks me when I hear it on here. Here anyone female is a ma'am, I even refer to my dd9 and dd2 that way! 

I know,!  It isn’t for elderly only in my world either.  

[Melissa in Australia]

30 minutes ago, Quill said:

What do you say if, for example, you were trying to catch up with the lady who left just previous and forgot her diapers? Ma’am is not heavily used here (and I pretty much never hear “miss”,) but this is one instance I would not be surprised to hear ma’am: “Excuse me, ma’am? You left your diapers!” 

Well here diapers might mean incontinence pads - as the ones that go on a baby are called nappies in Australia. so I would probably say "Hay you forgot your shopping". as mentioning the word diaper would be potentially very embarrassing

 

 I always have to mentally translate when I see the diaper on this board that you guys really mean nappies

[MEmama]

40 minutes ago, Quill said:

What do you say if, for example, you were trying to catch up with the lady who left just previous and forgot her diapers? Ma’am is not heavily used here (and I pretty much never hear “miss”,) but this is one instance I would not be surprised to hear ma’am: “Excuse me, ma’am? You left your diapers!” 

Just “excuse me”.

 

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Well here diapers might mean incontinence pads - as the ones that go on a baby are called nappies in Australia. so I would probably say "Hay you forgot your shopping". as mentioning the word diaper would be potentially very embarrassing

 

 I always have to mentally translate when I see the diaper on this board that you guys really mean nappies

Funnily, I almost typed nappies because I know this about our Aussie members. But, coming from me, it sounds like a weird affectation because almost no people in the US say nappies. 

[ktgrok]

6 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

you seem to have a difficult time dropping this.  this isn't about her "being a pain".  (which implies annoying, but not serious consequences to her actions.)   again - you do NOT want to go there.

and again - the OP asked for opinions. what it means to you,  is irrelevant to me. we have different opinions.  

 

I'm sorry, I meant in that situation she was being a pain, not that that was the limit of the issue. I believe you, and am sorry.

As for opinions, I was trying to clarify that although you can have your opinion of what I mean when I say, "no problem" it doesn't change what I mean when I say it. The person saying something is the one who knows what they mean. I don't understand why what the person means when they are speaking would be irrelevant. 

[Laura Corin]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

What do you say if, for example, you were trying to catch up with the lady who left just previous and forgot her diapers? Ma’am is not heavily used here (and I pretty much never hear “miss”,) but this is one instance I would not be surprised to hear ma’am: “Excuse me, ma’am? You left your diapers!” 

Excuse me? You left your nappies!

ETA, or as I'm English: 'Excuse me, I'm sorry, you left your nappies!'

Edited August 8, 2019 by Laura Corin

[teachermom2834]

Dh and I grew up in NY but have lived in the south our entire married lives. 

We don’t teach the ma’am. It has literally caused problems for my sons when a co-op teacher or another parent (and in the worst case the mom of a girlfriend) thought one of them was disrespectful for answering a question with “yes” or “yes please” or “no thank you” without the ma’am. Really crazy for me to see a woman in her thirties get bent out of shape because a 15 yo didn’t address her as “ma’am”. The people that use it are pretty superior about having raised their children properly. I tried to explain once about it being sarcastic and definitely not the sign of good breeding in other areas of the country. No one was convinced.

My kids have adopted it. Just makes life easier. But they are no nicer than they were before they picked it up.

[Garga]

 

58 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

Dh and I grew up in NY but have lived in the south our entire married lives. 

We don’t teach the ma’am. It has literally caused problems for my sons when a co-op teacher or another parent (and in the worst case the mom of a girlfriend) thought one of them was disrespectful for answering a question with “yes” or “yes please” or “no thank you” without the ma’am. Really crazy for me to see a woman in her thirties get bent out of shape because a 15 yo didn’t address her as “ma’am”. The people that use it are pretty superior about having raised their children properly. I tried to explain once about it being sarcastic and definitely not the sign of good breeding in other areas of the country. No one was convinced.

My kids have adopted it. Just makes life easier. But they are no nicer than they were before they picked it up.

Out of curiosity, does one ever stop saying ma’am or sir?  Like, I’m 46, and if I interact with anyone—from age 20-90, would I say, “Yes, ma’am,” or “yes, sir” to them?  Does the 90 yo say it to me?

What are the rules for using ma’am and sir?  

[Garga]

12 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I just discovered something from watching that clip - When DH answers the phone to one of our kids he always says "Whats Up"- which makes all the kids and I think that he thinks something unpleasant is happening. But after watching this I now know that it is a North American thing ( in his case Canada)  and not a lets panic moment .

 

My in-laws will say “What’s wrong?”when you call them.  

Ring-ring

In-law: Hello?

Me:  Hi, It’s Garga.

In-law:  Oh hey...what’s wrong?

I have to say, it grates, but that’s because overall they’re negative people.  I’ve never heard anyone else use “what’s wrong” as a greeting, so I’m left thinking they’re really living in a state of mind where they expect the negative in all situations.  

[teachermom2834]

 

2 minutes ago, Garga said:

 

Out of curiosity, does one ever stop saying ma’am or sir?  Like, I’m 46, and if I interact with anyone—from age 20-90, would I say, “Yes, ma’am,” or “yes, sir” to them?  Does the 90 yo say it to me?

What are the rules for using ma’am and sir?  

I have no idea. I don’t use it at all. I have a set of older neighbors (mid seventies) and if I wanted to be extra respectful I call them by Mr. or Mrs. with their first or last name. I also consider “Yes, please” or “no, thank you” to be perfectly polite and stand alone so I don’t add ma’am or sir. 

Not to start another tangent but it took me a long time to think it normal to call an adult Mr. or Mrs. and their first name. I think that is a southern thing too. ??? I have managed to adopt that after a couple decades though.  

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Garga said:

 

Out of curiosity, does one ever stop saying ma’am or sir?  Like, I’m 46, and if I interact with anyone—from age 20-90, would I say, “Yes, ma’am,” or “yes, sir” to them?  Does the 90 yo say it to me?

What are the rules for using ma’am and sir?  

I dont know but I wonder something similar with addressing others my age or younger in a business construct. Is this guy, who is 32, always supposed to be Mr. Gupta to me? Or, since I have interacted with him for five years, should I just call him Mike? Mike sounds so casual, but Mr. Gupta makes it seem like I cant remember I have known him for years. 

Usually, if someone wants to clarify it, they’ll say, “Call me Mike” early in the relationship. So it’s unlikely they will bother two years in. But I never know if they would be incensed if I addressed them casually or if they are inwardly cringing when I call them by what seems like their father’s name. 

[ktgrok]

12 minutes ago, Garga said:

 

Out of curiosity, does one ever stop saying ma’am or sir?  Like, I’m 46, and if I interact with anyone—from age 20-90, would I say, “Yes, ma’am,” or “yes, sir” to them?  Does the 90 yo say it to me?

What are the rules for using ma’am and sir?  

I use sir and ma'am for anyone I don't know well. So check out girl who is in her teens, the teen or twenty something guy in the drive through, etc. It's more a stand in for their name than anything. So if I know their name I'd use that, but if not, Sir or Ma'am. 

Cashier: Do you want a receipt for that?

Me: Yes, Ma'am

or 

Random teen boy holds door for me, so I say, "Thank you, sir!"

[ktgrok]

3 minutes ago, Danae said:

 

The pissy way some Southerners react to "yes please" and "no, thank you" combined with their absolute inability to accept that "m'am" and "sir" are not universally considered good manners makes it very clear that, for them at least, it's about conformity, not politeness.

Very true. I should clarify that although I use Sir/Ma'am on the regular, I do not get upset if others don't use it. 

I do have a nostalgic wish to be called Mrs. Meyer though. No does that these days 😞

My friends, all adults with their own children, STILL refer to my mother as "Mrs. Last Name". It does sound respectful to me, but like everyone else in these parts I go by Miss Firstname. Actually, it's less about respect, more than being called "Mrs. Last Name" was a sign you were a real adult, married, with your own house. In my weird way it was a sign you'd "arrived" at a certain stage in life. And I have the stretch marks and the mortgage and the men's clothes in my closet, but never got the title, you know? It's like getting all the work of a promotion but without the new title. 

Edited August 8, 2019 by Ktgrok

[Rosie_0801]

18 minutes ago, Garga said:

 

Out of curiosity, does one ever stop saying ma’am or sir?  Like, I’m 46, and if I interact with anyone—from age 20-90, would I say, “Yes, ma’am,” or “yes, sir” to them?  Does the 90 yo say it to me?

What are the rules for using ma’am and sir?  

 

The only person of my grandparents' generation I have anything to do with now is my friend's grandmother. When I prodded him to introduce us, he introduced her by her first name, which doesn't feel very polite when she's in her 90's. I call her Nonna if I'm speaking about her, just as he does. It seems more natural to me than Mrs. A because both of my grandmothers expected to be called Grandma or Nan by pretty well anyone of their grandchildren's generation. Anyhow, she has dementia and seems not to speak English any more, but she beamed at me last time I stuck my head in there, so I'm feeling confident I wave to her politely enough.

[ktgrok]

My husband almost never calls me from work unless there is a problem, so now when he calls it goes like this:

Me: Hello? (tension in my voice)

Him: Nothing's wrong. I just....

And my father almost never calls me, period. Like a handful of times in my life. My mom always calls. At least, he doesn't call me on purpose. But he butt dials me fairly often, and my name is under my mom's in his phone list (both names have the same first three letters, mine is a shortening of hers) so he used to accidentally call me when meaning to call her. So now when he calls instead of saying, "hello" I often say, "did you mean to call me?". 

[sassenach]

It does not bother me and I say it all the time. I’m a young gen x. 

[sassenach]

14 hours ago, Kassia said:

No problem doesn't bother me at all but recently I've had people respond with, "no worries" and I felt like it implied that I was worried when I wasn't.  I'm sure it's just an expression but I definitely prefer no problem.  

No worries is a very NorCal phrase. When we moved here from Florida, I picked it up quickly. 

[JustEm]

2 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

Dh and I grew up in NY but have lived in the south our entire married lives. 

We don’t teach the ma’am. It has literally caused problems for my sons when a co-op teacher or another parent (and in the worst case the mom of a girlfriend) thought one of them was disrespectful for answering a question with “yes” or “yes please” or “no thank you” without the ma’am. Really crazy for me to see a woman in her thirties get bent out of shape because a 15 yo didn’t address her as “ma’am”. The people that use it are pretty superior about having raised their children properly. I tried to explain once about it being sarcastic and definitely not the sign of good breeding in other areas of the country. No one was convinced.

My kids have adopted it. Just makes life easier. But they are no nicer than they were before they picked it up.

 

This is why my sister taught it to her kids, she's in Alabama.  She does not like ma'am but didn't want to cause trouble for her kids not teaching them that it is the expected response.

[JustEm]

1 hour ago, teachermom2834 said:

 

Not to start another tangent but it took me a long time to think it normal to call an adult Mr. or Mrs. and their first name. I think that is a southern thing too. ??? I have managed to adopt that after a couple decades though.  

 

I hate being called mrs. Em or Emily. I will not respond to it if an adult calls me it, like in the presence of children.  But I will respond to it if a child does because they can't help what other adults teach them.  But my response is always, "Call me Em." 

[JustEm]

1 hour ago, Garga said:

 

Out of curiosity, does one ever stop saying ma’am or sir?  Like, I’m 46, and if I interact with anyone—from age 20-90, would I say, “Yes, ma’am,” or “yes, sir” to them?  Does the 90 yo say it to me?

What are the rules for using ma’am and sir?  

 

According to my sister, seniors do not call younger women ma'am.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

Very true. I should clarify that although I use Sir/Ma'am on the regular, I do not get upset if others don't use it. 

I do have a nostalgic wish to be called Mrs. Meyer though. No does that these days 😞

My friends, all adults with their own children, STILL refer to my mother as "Mrs. Last Name". It does sound respectful to me, but like everyone else in these parts I go by Miss Firstname. Actually, it's less about respect, more than being called "Mrs. Last Name" was a sign you were a real adult, married, with your own house. In my weird way it was a sign you'd "arrived" at a certain stage in life. And I have the stretch marks and the mortgage and the men's clothes in my closet, but never got the title, you know? It's like getting all the work of a promotion but without the new title. 

So funny to me. I have no wish, none whatsoever, to be called Mrs. and my surname. I like Miss Danielle by children, or just Danielle by anyone out of their twenties. 

The one thing I never liked, from the first day I was married, was being addressed as Mrs. and my husband’s entire name. Mrs. john Smith. What? Don’t erase me! 

[Lady Florida.]

It doesn't bother me and I sometimes say it myself. I'm 63, born right in the middle of the baby boom, so I definitely qualify as "older people". 

Edited August 8, 2019 by Lady Florida.

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

 I do have a nostalgic wish to be called Mrs. Meyer though. No does that these days 😞

My friends, all adults with their own children, STILL refer to my mother as "Mrs. Last Name". It does sound respectful to me, but like everyone else in these parts I go by Miss Firstname. Actually, it's less about respect, more than being called "Mrs. Last Name" was a sign you were a real adult, married, with your own house. In my weird way it was a sign you'd "arrived" at a certain stage in life. And I have the stretch marks and the mortgage and the men's clothes in my closet, but never got the title, you know? It's like getting all the work of a promotion but without the new title. 

In my part of the south, Mrs. Last Name has never been a thing, it's always been Mrs. First Name. Well, everyone actually just says "Miss" but uses Mrs. or Ms. in writing. There was exactly one set of parents in my neighborhood who used last names and they were Not From Here. 

 

[ktgrok]

2 minutes ago, katilac said:

In my part of the south, Mrs. Last Name has never been a thing, it's always been Mrs. First Name. Well, everyone actually just says "Miss" but uses Mrs. or Ms. in writing. There was exactly one set of parents in my neighborhood who used last names and they were Not From Here. 

 

Yeah, this was in Palm Beach County which is geographically south but has so many transplants from Ohio and New York that it has it's own miso-mash of culture. So sir and ma'am are used for people of all ages, with varying levels of use, and Mrs. Last Name and Miss First Name were both used, with it moving more to Miss First Name

[TCB]

31 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

 

I hate being called mrs. Em or Emily. I will not respond to it if an adult calls me it, like in the presence of children.  But I will respond to it if a child does because they can't help what other adults teach them.  But my response is always, "Call me Em." 

I've always had everyone call me by my first name, but I'm starting to rethink that now. I'm the coach of a robotics team and I really think it might help some of the kids be more polite if they had to call me Mrs. ... I'm kind of sad about it because I've always gone by my first name and never really had a problem until recent times.

[HS Mom in NC]

My cousin lives in rural Maine.  Her teen daughter's new classmate moved there from The South.  On the first day of school he was sent to the principal's office because the teacher asked him something and he responded reflexively with, "Yes, Ma'am."  Like many parts of the US, it was interpreted as sarcasm.  No one uses Ma'am or Sir unless they're joking around and/or being sarcastic in most of the US.  The kid's pastor talked to the principal explaining that it was an automatic reaction and not meant sarcastically and everyone cooled down. 

You can see the Old World British culture in The South.  They value traditionalism and conformity so much more than the rest of the US, which is why they're not keeping up with national social norms.  They're more hierarchically oriented than the rest of the US which values egalitarianism. Other places would find it offensive and condescending the way adults refer to adult women, even married ones, here in NC as Miss Lisa or Miss Diane.  I still can't bring myself to do it  because it's soooo freaking demeaning where I come from. Miss is for employees who don't know a woman's name. I simply make eye contact and speak directly, avoiding the Miss all together. If I have to get her attention I just say, "Pardon me."

[JustEm]

31 minutes ago, TCB said:

I've always had everyone call me by my first name, but I'm starting to rethink that now. I'm the coach of a robotics team and I really think it might help some of the kids be more polite if they had to call me Mrs. ... I'm kind of sad about it because I've always gone by my first name and never really had a problem until recent times.

 

hmm, I have not had this issue.  I mean there are always going to be impolite kids, which I do come across in out home school group.  But I handle that on a case by case basis.  There are time where I've had to ask kids to remove themselves from the group until they are able to show everyone the respect they deserve.  If it ever came down to one kid being a repeat problem I'd simply not welcome them back to the group.  Them calling me by my preferred name has nothing to do with how they should be showing respect to me or the rest of the group.  

[TCB]

36 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

 

hmm, I have not had this issue.  I mean there are always going to be impolite kids, which I do come across in out home school group.  But I handle that on a case by case basis.  There are time where I've had to ask kids to remove themselves from the group until they are able to show everyone the respect they deserve.  If it ever came down to one kid being a repeat problem I'd simply not welcome them back to the group.  Them calling me by my preferred name has nothing to do with how they should be showing respect to me or the rest of the group.  

I always thought this way too but have changed my opinion. I think there may be some kids who are helped by that boundary. Then again maybe it's just because I've gotten old lol! 

[Hyacinth]

Waaaaay back when I studied the subtle impact of negative word connotations. "No" and "problem" are great examples of words with negative connotations. So some people might bristle at the phrase simply because it sounds negative (not that they would necessarily notice it consciously or articulate it that way).

People respond more favorably to receiving positive-sounding messages. For example:

Don't hesitate to call / Please call

Don't run in the hallway / Please walk in the hallway

Don't forget to turn off the machine / Please remember to turn off the machine

Don't come in after midnight / Be home before midnight

In the "no problem" context, I think it's better communication to say what it IS (my pleasure) rather than what it's not (a problem). I like "you're welcome" too. 

But in the grand scheme of things to be annoyed about in daily life, this doesn't crack the top 100.

 

[JustEm]

14 minutes ago, TCB said:

I always thought this way too but have changed my opinion. I think there may be some kids who are helped by that boundary. Then again maybe it's just because I've gotten old lol! 

 

gotcha,  who knows.  I hope it works for you if you start implementing it

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

My cousin lives in rural Maine.  Her teen daughter's new classmate moved there from The South.  On the first day of school he was sent to the principal's office because the teacher asked him something and he responded reflexively with, "Yes, Ma'am."  Like many parts of the US, it was interpreted as sarcasm.  No one uses Ma'am or Sir unless they're joking around and/or being sarcastic in most of the US.  The kid's pastor talked to the principal explaining that it was an automatic reaction and not meant sarcastically and everyone cooled down. 

You can see the Old World British culture in The South.  They value traditionalism and conformity so much more than the rest of the US, which is why they're not keeping up with national social norms.  They're more hierarchically oriented than the rest of the US which values egalitarianism. Other places would find it offensive and condescending the way adults refer to adult women, even married ones, here in NC as Miss Lisa or Miss Diane.  I still can't bring myself to do it  because it's soooo freaking demeaning where I come from. Miss is for employees who don't know a woman's name. I simply make eye contact and speak directly, avoiding the Miss all together. If I have to get her attention I just say, "Pardon me."

I had no idea anyone felt this way about Ma'am.  Hmmmm

[SKL]

Generally no, but it might depend.  For example, suppose I did a service for someone at my considerable expense and just asked them to do a small part of it.  Then I say "thank you" for that part and they say "no problem."  Well I hope it wasn't a problem for me to do only 90% of what is your responsibility.  It would also depend on their tone when they say it.  If they clearly just meant to acknowledge one polite standard word with another, then fine, but if it is said grudgingly, like "well it kind of is a problem but I will suck it up," then yuck.

I may be jaded by certain people who do that ... like a certain person to whom I just suggested this Saturday p.m. would be a good time for me to do xyz for her, and she was clearly irritated because she wasn't given more advance notice to prepare the paperwork (something she has known needed to be done for months).  It is a good time for me because I will be driving the 3 hours and clearing my schedule that evening anyway.  Apparently I am a pain in the a$$ because I can't just clear my schedule and drive out there whenever she gets around to feeling ready.  Gruff.  😛

[Pam in CT]

re gradations of slightly different meaning: 

17 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

Well....I have thoughts, but really, they aren't based on anything other than my own thoughts.

Thank You is an expression of appreciation.  So, when a person says Thank You, they basically saying "I appreciate that you took the time to do/say XYZ to/for me."

You are Welcome, to me, says "You are welcome to my efforts of XYZ at any time."

And IMO, "No Problem" says basically the same thing to me.  "It was no problem for me to do XYZ"\

 

When I studied Spanish as a kid, the response was "de nada," or "for nothing" or "it was nothing," which tracks pretty closely to "no problem."

When I studied Spanish in Central America, the common response is "con mucho gusto," or "with much pleasure," which tracks much closer to "it was a pleasure."

Both are, to my ear, gracious good manners,  But the emphasis is a little different. And while "con mucho gusto" is enchanting, and connotes a much higher degree of connection and relationship building than "de nada"... that isn't necessarily what you're looking for with the grocery store attendant.  Nor is "pleasure" in the encounter quite true.

 

"No problem," to my ear, minimizes the scope of the effort.  I refill my husband's coffee cup at the same time as I do my own, no problem.  Truly it was no extra effort at all.

"You're welcome" neutrally acknowledges the thanks.  I take my mother to a doctor's appointment, she well deserves the favor even though it does, in fact, inconvenience me somewhat.

"It was a pleasure" emphasizes the reciprocity of the encounter.  I cover the theater ticket of my adult daughter and we go together; yes I paid but I dearly love spending the time with her.

They're all appropriate.

[maize]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

Generally no, but it might depend.  For example, suppose I did a service for someone at my considerable expense and just asked them to do a small part of it.  Then I say "thank you" for that part and they say "no problem."  Well I hope it wasn't a problem for me to do only 90% of what is your responsibility.  It would also depend on their tone when they say it.  If they clearly just meant to acknowledge one polite standard word with another, then fine, but if it is said grudgingly, like "well it kind of is a problem but I will suck it up," then yuck.

I may be jaded by certain people who do that ... like a certain person to whom I just suggested this Saturday p.m. would be a good time for me to do xyz for her, and she was clearly irritated because she wasn't given more advance notice to prepare the paperwork (something she has known needed to be done for months).  It is a good time for me because I will be driving the 3 hours and clearing my schedule that evening anyway.  Apparently I am a pain in the a$$ because I can't just clear my schedule and drive out there whenever she gets around to feeling ready.  Gruff.  😛

Couldn't "you're welcome" just as easily be said I'm a grudging tone?

[MEmama]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I had no idea anyone felt this way about Ma'am.  Hmmmm

Um, yes. Probably most of the country. 

I've lived all over and have never lived anywhere where this wasn’t true, West coast, Midwest, New England...

My father is from the Deep South and the only times I can remember him daring to call my mother Ma'am was when he was angry or pulling some patriarchal BS. It does NOT sound nice to my ears.

FWIW Sir sounds just as bad to me.

[maize]

I was in the military, so do see ma'am and sir as terms of respect.