Found unauthorized cell phone in 14 y.old room - WWYD?

[HSMWB]

We have in the past had ‘sneaking’ cell phone issues with our daughter.  And we have a very strict ‘no cell phone in room’ policy.  Additionally we take physical control of the cell phones overnight to charge in our bathroom (including ours) that all phones/devices are on overnight.  We did not start out our parenting journey this way, but have felt like it was necessary due to the ‘sneaking’ behavior going on.

So tonight my husband was in the child’s room to do some house repairs (that child knew he would be doing) and in the meantime, he discovered a newish cell phone, charged, has service, in the room.  We just took it, and are now trying to decide what to do.  Child has not yet been in room or anything.  What would you do now as the next step???? Help, this parenting is hard work.  I have no idea who it belongs too.

[gardenmom5]

first thing I'd want to know is: where did it come from?  does she have her own money? is this a phone  you provided, and she got it without your knowledge?  have you looked through the phone? does she have friends who are being problematic? dudeling knows I can look through his phone at any time.

what restrictions are set up for use of her phone - restrictions that are built into software?   I've installed life 360 for dudeling, just so I can track him. He knows it's a requirement for him.  right now - it's just tracking.

[Farrar]

I don't think I'd have any idea what the consequences were going to be until I had a sense of what happened. Like, a friend leaving it there after hanging out and forgetting about it is going to be radically different from a secret phone she somehow managed to get and is using to not just circumvent the rule but also contact people you don't like or look at content you've also banned.

 

Edited May 31, 2019 by Farrar

[Arcadia]

I would be very worried about who would help your child get a phone with service because even prepaid phones need an adult’s name as owner. I would be brainstorming with my husband on who could have pass my child a cellphone with service.

With my kids, there would be a bigger chance they took the wrong phone home from an activity and we have to go look for their phone. 

Does she has her phone? Could she have bought a new phone and swap the SIM card? 

[lmrich]

Has she had a friend over? 

[Shoeless]

17 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

I would be very worried about who would help your child get a phone with service because even prepaid phones need an adult’s name as owner. I would be brainstorming with my husband on who could have pass my child a cellphone with service.

 

This is my worry, too.  Who's giving my 14 yo a phone and why? 

Since there has been sneaking behavior in the past, I'd try to ascertain who owned the phone first.  If a friend forgot to take it, ok.  Let's call friend's parent and let them know that friend left the phone here.  If it really belongs to friend, that shouldn't be a problem, vs asking friend directly who may have been told to lie if asked about a phone. 

If the phone doesn't belong to a friend?  Man, I'd probably blow my top and over react, so I will leave it to wiser, calmer people to advise. 

[HSMWB]

The location where the phone was found, makes us think that she is deliberately hiding it from us.

I have no idea where the phone came from, I doubt that any friends just left it at our house if it was their working phone, that has happened in the past with phones, and it seems parents come looking for them quickly.  We think it ‘might’ be an old ‘forgotten’ phone from someone, possibly.

It seems to be an LG phone, the phone is cracked, and it seems to have apps installed.  At our house, we have WiFi that is provided to all through the management, and from the lock screen, it looked like it was connected to the public WiFi.  

[Arctic Bunny]

I’m guessing everything would stop until that phone was unlocked and I could look through it. I would give an opportunity for an explanation, first. And a description of what I’ll find on the phone. But scary people give kids phones to communicate and circumvent parents. I would be freaking out.

[HSMWB]

She is on her cell phone currently.

[cave canem]

We had a situation like this with a sneaky child, who was already seeing a therapist out of our concerns about deceitfulness.  Consequences were difficult and not short-lived, but the medium-term outcome seems great.

Our situation was different in that we found the rogue phone in the child's hand. 

If I had found the phone as you describe, I would probably have waited for her to come and ask me about it.  If that didn't happen within 24 hours, I would confront her.

If she refuses to unlock the phone for you, that's another level of trouble.  She then would likely try to access it behind your back so she can clean it up before you see it.  Storing it off site, like at Dad's workplace, might be appropriate.

Does she go to school?   If so, this will be harder to scope out.  She can clean up accounts using someone else's phone.

[Scarlett]

I would be flipping out.  There would be a serious come to Jesus meeting.  

[J-rap]

First, I want to say that I'm so glad cell phones were not quite a thing yet when my kids were teens -- only 10 years ago!  Wow.  

Secondly, I'd confront your child immediately, but lovingly and with the assumption that you'll believe her.  Start out that way, anyway.  Give her everything benefit of the doubt to be honest, while at the same time gently and clearly explaining your reasons for your home rules.  Even if she starts out with reasons that are dumb, respond with something like "I understand.  However..."  

After that, be lovingly strict with fair repercussions/punishment.  And don't forget to hug her and tell her how much you love her.

Anyway, that's what I'd try.  However, I also have a bunch of ultra rule-following kids so my reaction is based more according to that.

 

[Just Kate]

A girl in my ds class at school was given an old phone by a friend. It wasn’t activated with cell service or data, but she used it to connect to WiFi to use Instagram, Snapchat, texting apps, etc. It was a long time before her parents learned about her phone! I imagine this could be the situation here?

[BakersDozen]

I would hold on to the phone and just wait. See if your dd comes to you.

We have gone through Hades and back with cell phones and deceit with our older kids. I hate it. We did everything we could think of from mild to severe, calm to...not calm. 

I can't offer any advice that is different than what the others have, but I understand how you feel, OP.

 

[Tanaqui]

I don't know what to do, specifically, but I advise you to think and reflect before you act. No matter how angry/upset/worried you feel, I'm sure it's best to deal with this once you and your husband have spent some time calming down. I don't always follow that advice, but when I do, it works better than when I don't!

[hshibley]

After you deal with the cell phone I’d ask myself why does she feel the need to sneak around me? We don’t have rules regarding cell phones in room so I’m not sure your motivation there but at 14 contact with friends and privacy becomes very important. I wouldn’t want to set up an environment where sneaking around like that becomes the solution vs talking to dad or me about more adult privileges. 

[Lanny]

The sneaking issues are the #1 issues in this thread, IMO. If you cannot trust her at 14, what will she be like at 18? That seems to be something that if you can find a way to make her want to change her behavior, now, before it's too late, that would be very helpful to her, for the rest of her life. She will be 18 very quickly...

Regarding Wi-Fi.  One can do *many* things on WiFi, without having a working cell phone service. Years ago, someone gave my Stepson a phone he wasn't using because he'd gotten a new phone. A Samsung Android. My wife took it with her when she went out of town and she installed something on it, and it stopped working.  Somehow, the IMEI number got changed, which one might assume is impossible. We do not believe the phone was stolen or reported lost, and we've known the person who gave it to my Stepson for 20+ years.  My wife "rooted" the phone and we tried to restore the original IMEI number, which wasn't reported as a phone that was lost or stolen, but it didn't seem possible. The bottom line is the phone worked fine on WiFi. 

[madteaparty]

35 minutes ago, Lanny said:

The sneaking issues are the #1 issues in this thread, IMO. If you cannot trust her at 14, what will she be like at 18? T

Well, Lanny, I haven’t been through life with an older teenager but hopefully better decisions will be made at 18 because the 14 yr old brain is still very much growing. I read somewhere that they are literally incapable of making good decisions left to their own devices, they just (also literally) don’t have enough brain for those calculations. 

OP, I would be freaking out, no question.

[Noreen Claire]

Many years ago, when we were in the thick of trying to keep our oldest out of an extremely unhealthy teen relationship, we had taken DS's cell phone and computer access away. "The Girl" gave him her own phone and then used her mother's to communicate with him. It was a very difficult few years, from which I don't think we (or he) has fully recovered from yet.

(((Hugs and strength)))

[EKS]

I don't understand why people are saying that this is a huge freak out worthy deal. 

If it doesn't actually have cell service and is only connected to the wifi, it is probably either an old phone of yours (or someone in your family) or one of her friends.  She probably uses it to Skype (or whatever) with her friends at night, play games, look at the internet, and whatever else one can do with a phone that only gets wifi.  Now if the phone actually has cell service, that changes things.

I'd take the phone away and shut down your internet at night.  And do whatever else is typical in your family when a child disobeys a parent.

And I'd want to find out how and from whom she got the phone.  Depending on the circumstances, this is the piece that may make this situation freak out worthy.  Otherwise, imo, it's just normal teenage stuff.

 

Edited May 31, 2019 by EKS

[madteaparty]

14 minutes ago, EKS said:

I don't understand why people are saying that this is a huge freak out worthy deal. 

If it doesn't actually have cell service and is only connected to the wifi, it is probably either an old phone of yours (or someone in your family) or one of her friends.  She probably uses it to Skype (or whatever) with her friends at night, play games, look at the internet, and whatever else one can do with a phone that only gets wifi.  Now if the phone actually has cell service, that changes things.

I'd take the phone away and shut down your internet at night.  And do whatever else is typical in your family when a child disobeys a parent.

And I'd want to find out how and from whom she got the phone.  Depending on the circumstances, this is the piece that may make this situation freak out worthy.  Otherwise, imo, it's just normal teenage stuff.

 

It’s freak out worthy, because all those things you mention, cruising the four corners of the internet, Snapchat with friends etc are precisely why people don’t let kids take phones to their rooms at night. It’s bad news. There’s nothing she can do with service that she can’t do without it. 

[Chris in VA]

I can pm you my experience. It wasn't pretty. 

[Chris in VA]

22 minutes ago, Noreen Claire said:

Many years ago, when we were in the thick of trying to keep our oldest out of an extremely unhealthy teen relationship, we had taken DS's cell phone and computer access away. "The Girl" gave him her own phone and then used her mother's to communicate with him. It was a very difficult few years, from which I don't think we (or he) has fully recovered from yet.

(((Hugs and strength)))

yep

[hshibley]

5 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

It’s freak out worthy, because all those things you mention, cruising the four corners of the internet, Snapchat with friends etc are precisely why people don’t let kids take phones to their rooms at night. It’s bad news. There’s nothing she can do with service that she can’t do without it. 

But if that’s the concern then there should be no phone at anytime. Any of those things can happen during the day at home or accessing free WiFi at the library McDonald’s etc. You have to transition from treating her like a young child to helping her navigate the world as an adult. 

[Noreen Claire]

1 minute ago, hshibley said:

But if that’s the concern then there should be no phone at anytime. Any of those things can happen during the day at home or accessing free WiFi at the library McDonald’s etc. You have to transition from treating her like a young child to helping her navigate the world as an adult. 

For the same reason that it is recommended that children use computers in family spaces, not closed off in their room, is why children should not take cellphones into their rooms. The temptation to read/watch/click/snap something when no one is looking is real, and until they are able to make better decisions, screens should be used in common spaces only. 

[EKS]

7 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

It’s freak out worthy, because all those things you mention, cruising the four corners of the internet, Snapchat with friends etc are precisely why people don’t let kids take phones to their rooms at night. It’s bad news. There’s nothing she can do with service that she can’t do without it. 

It's not freak out worthy.  It is simply showing that there are holes in the OP's system.  Freak out worthy would be if she were using the device to communicate after hours with a nefarious character.  Assuming that this is not the case, what is going on here is very run of the mill.

That's why if a parent is truly interested in ensuring that a kid can't go online at night, they need to be sure that all activated cellular devices are confiscated (including the parents own devices--kids are good at learning or figuring out passwords) and that access to the internet--wifi (including from the neighbors) and wired--is really and truly eliminated.  

[madteaparty]

46 minutes ago, EKS said:

 

That's why if a parent is truly interested in ensuring that a kid can't go online at night, they need to be sure that all activated cellular devices are confiscated (including the parents own devices--kids are good at learning or figuring out passwords) and that access to the internet--wifi (including from the neighbors) and wired--is really and truly eliminated.  

Well, they thought they were confiscating all devices. As to turning internet off,  I don't know about OP but it is not an option here. DH works from home and all hours of the night. 

[EKS]

1 minute ago, madteaparty said:

Well, they thought they were confiscating all devices. As to turning internet off,  I don't know about OP but it is not an option here. DH works from home and all hours of the night. 

I get it, believe me.  BTDT.

There are ways to confine internet use to particular devices.

[TechWife]

1 hour ago, madteaparty said:

Well, Lanny, I haven’t been through life with an older teenager but hopefully better decisions will be made at 18 because the 14 yr old brain is still very much growing. I read somewhere that they are literally incapable of making good decisions left to their own devices, they just (also literally) don’t have enough brain for those calculations. 

OP, I would be freaking out, no question.

I think Lanny is spot on. Morality isn’t solely a matter of brain development. Lying and sneaking are poor choices at any age, absent life endangerment. If a poor behavior isn’t called out when a person is young, then it increases the chance that the person will think the behavior is acceptable when they are older. Calling it out, naming it, doesn’t always prevent poor behavior, but it does make the lines of responsibility for that behavior clear. Hopefully at some point “when you know better, you do better” will kick in, but if it does not, it won’t be because of a less than optimal parenting choice. We are each individually responsible for our own behavior at any age - calling children out on their poor behavior clearly communicates that fact to them and fulfills the parents responsibility. 

[sassenach]

We would sit down with the child immediately and ask them to explain it. If they said it was a friend’s, I would ask for the friend’s parent’s contact and only give the phone back directly to them. If they said it was theirs, I would have them unlock the phone in front of me and I would go through the phone front to back. I would be extremely concerned about how they got the phone and what they have been doing on it. 

[madteaparty]

31 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I think Lanny is spot on. Morality isn’t solely a matter of brain development. Lying and sneaking are poor choices at any age, absent life endangerment. If a poor behavior isn’t called out when a person is young, then it increases the chance that the person will think the behavior is acceptable when they are older. Calling it out, naming it, doesn’t always prevent poor behavior, but it does make the lines of responsibility for that behavior clear. Hopefully at some point “when you know better, you do better” will kick in, but if it does not, it won’t be because of a less than optimal parenting choice. We are each individually responsible for our own behavior at any age - calling children out on their poor behavior clearly communicates that fact to them and fulfills the parents responsibility. 

I don’t think anyone is suggesting patting child on the back and asking if they want some data to go with that illicit phone. I’m stating that asking if she does this at 14 what will she do at 18 may not make that much sense. But what do I know. 

[Guest]

A kid can buy an inactivated PaYGo phone and use it on WiFi.  I’m guessing they could buy a PAYG card and set up an account under a fake birthdate with equal ease. My DD bought an unactivated phone last year because she wanted an extra for Pokémon purposes (that she could use on a WiFi hot spot), and it just ran like a usual checkout.  

 

Edited May 31, 2019 by dmmetler

[EKS]

12 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

It's freak out worthy because unless this phone is just randomly left behind by a friend (not likely) then this kid is very likely planning and scheming to circumvent house rules and deliberately lie to her parents.  That's freak out worthy.  

Perhaps our definitions of what freaking out means are different. 

If the situation is indeed as you describe it here, I'd say that it is par for the course when parenting teens.

[Arcadia]

2 minutes ago, dmmetler said:

  I’m guessing they could buy a PAYG card and set up an account under a fake birthdate with equal ease. 

 

AT&T did check my husband’s drivers ID when we activated PAYG phones for our kids. My friend’s ID wasn’t checked when she bought a FreedomPop PAYG phone while here on vacation but she needs to key in credit card information for account activation. She couldn’t activate her FreedomPop account with a prepaid Visa card. 

[73349]

Take the phone and change your WiFi password now. You should also be able to set your wifi to turn off at a certain time at night.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Chiming in here to say.

Thinking that teens literally are not able to make good decisions is a very sad view of teens.  Of course teens can make good decisions and make them all the time.  And of course they make bad decisions.  My middle-aged self still makes bad decisions from time to time.  Do teens have the capacity to always see the big picture of things?  No.  That's why they still need parents.  But I think that parenting teens needs to become less top-down authoritarian and more side-by-side mentoring. 

I would not freak out.  I would talk to the teen.  Maybe over some froyo (our go-to for talks that are not confrontational).  I would ask questions.  A lot of them.  Without judgment.  Some of those questions would be related to why the teen wanted the phone and if some restrictions need to be relaxed a bit.  My reaction to whether they wanted the phone for the opportunity to communicate (innocently) with friends would be a lot different than if they wanted the phone for clandestine meet-ups with someone they met on Tinder.  Once I had all the information then I would ask the teen for suggestions on how to handle the situation.  As in I would listen to their solutions and their negotiations while still reserving the right to make decisions because as a parent hopefully I am looking at the big picture and not the small picture of "Oh My Gosh - my kids are going to be sexting and get up to no good!"  I mean that as a default reaction, not as a part of an informed picture of some of the pitfalls of unlimited cell phone access.

My young adults have needed some freedom to learn how to make good decisions. 

[Janeway]

13 hours ago, HSMWB said:

We have in the past had ‘sneaking’ cell phone issues with our daughter.  And we have a very strict ‘no cell phone in room’ policy.  Additionally we take physical control of the cell phones overnight to charge in our bathroom (including ours) that all phones/devices are on overnight.  We did not start out our parenting journey this way, but have felt like it was necessary due to the ‘sneaking’ behavior going on.

So tonight my husband was in the child’s room to do some house repairs (that child knew he would be doing) and in the meantime, he discovered a newish cell phone, charged, has service, in the room.  We just took it, and are now trying to decide what to do.  Child has not yet been in room or anything.  What would you do now as the next step???? Help, this parenting is hard work.  I have no idea who it belongs too.

I would find out how she got it first. I would be seriously concerned it came from a predator. And don't be fooled, predators come in all sizes and genders and ages.

[HSMWB]

We took the ‘new, not her’s, unauthorized ‘ phone last night, and it is currently at dad’s work.  We are hoping that sometime today/tonight she comes and asks us about it.  If not, we figure it is the ‘cooling-off’ period that we need to try and be calm and rational when we ask her about it.

Unfortunately we are unable to turn off, change the password, or disable the internet that reaches our house.  It is a ‘public utility’ where we are living and we would have to move to change it.  This is one reason why we have been taking physical possession of all wireless devices at bedtime.  At first we did not, but it soon became apparent that her friends parents were not keeping their kids off the devices and our child was getting all kinds of messages/texts/pictures from her friends until WAY late in the night.  Nothing nefarious, but not a situation that we wanted going on.

Thanks so much for all the replies 

[shawthorne44]

I'd set a time.   Maybe Sunday afternoon to confront her if she hasn't come to ask about it.  Demand that she unlock it, hand it back to you and explain fully who gave it to her, and what she has been doing with it.  

[TechWife]

58 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

I don’t think anyone is suggesting patting child on the back and asking if they want some data to go with that illicit phone. I’m stating that asking if she does this at 14 what will she do at 18 may not make that much sense. But what do I know. 

As a parent who is one the other side of parenting, It makes perfect sense to me. Parenting should be done with the future in mind. Otherwise, it becomes an exercise about power and control. 

[sassenach]

3 hours ago, EKS said:

I don't understand why people are saying that this is a huge freak out worthy deal. 

If it doesn't actually have cell service and is only connected to the wifi, it is probably either an old phone of yours (or someone in your family) or one of her friends.  She probably uses it to Skype (or whatever) with her friends at night, play games, look at the internet, and whatever else one can do with a phone that only gets wifi.  Now if the phone actually has cell service, that changes things.

I'd take the phone away and shut down your internet at night.  And do whatever else is typical in your family when a child disobeys a parent.

And I'd want to find out how and from whom she got the phone.  Depending on the circumstances, this is the piece that may make this situation freak out worthy.  Otherwise, imo, it's just normal teenage stuff.

 

TBH, for me it’s because every time I have seen this situation play out in real life (I have several friends who have had this exact thing happen) it ended up leading to the discovery of freak out worthy issues, like nude photos, adult men grooming, detailed suicidal ideation, etc. 

Edited May 31, 2019 by sassenach

[ktgrok]

1 hour ago, happysmileylady said:

It's freak out worthy because unless this phone is just randomly left behind by a friend (not likely) then this kid is very likely planning and scheming to circumvent house rules and deliberately lie to her parents.  That's freak out worthy.  

 

1 hour ago, EKS said:

Perhaps our definitions of what freaking out means are different. 

If the situation is indeed as you describe it here, I'd say that it is par for the course when parenting teens.

Am I the only one who remembers being a teen and lying to my parents, and it not being because I was on the fast track to Hell? I was a really good kid, good grades, no drugs, tried alcohol once in high school, etc etc, and I still lied to my parents. Heck, even on Leave it to Beaver, with the "perfect family", the kids lied and deceived their parents. And I'm pretty sure ALL kids break house rules at some point. 

So not freak out worthy to me. Just a normal teen parenting issue. 

I also wouldn't sit around waiting for her to come to me, that feels like playing games, not like direct, healthy communication that I want to model. 

[hshibley]

6 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

I agree with your reaction for a teen that doesn’t have a track record of deliberate deceit. I’m thinking the OP’s position is different?

Even if the teen has a track record of deceit becoming more and more restrictive is only going to push the teen to find more ways to deceive. You need to address the heart issue which can only be addressed with open conversation. 

[teachermom2834]

I vote not freak out worthy (and tend to be pretty easy to freak out)

Obviously you have to address it and have some sort of resolution. But, kids make bad decisions. Smart kids, good kids, all kids. Yes it might be the tip of the iceberg to something more sinister. But it really might not.

I have really good kids. The oldest two are 21 and 19 and they threw me some doozies. But after the first couple times you realize that they are normal teenagers and are going to do some bad or even just mindless stuff. I know the posts are coming where people talk about their teenagers that NEVER lied, misled, skirted around the truth, etc. Great. 

The technology is really hard to deal with so I tend to just accept that I don't know the extent of its use and monitor what I can without being insane. I remember having conversations on a schoolbus, in a locker room, etc that my parents would have freaked if they heard. I was never in danger. I'm pretty sure my kids do the same. 

There is a learning process to growing up and maturing that is just going to involve some missteps, secrets, etc. I am not advocating a head in the sand, by any stretch. If you knew me IRL you would find it comical that I could come across as permissive. But, these years involve some uncomfortable parenting moments. I advise taking a deep breath and walking through them with your child. Definitely get to the bottom of it but your dd is not doomed to be a troubled teen because of this and you will get nowhere by treating her like one.

We had a "secret phone" issue at one point given by a girlfriend who didn't like the phone up at night rule we had for ds. When i discovered it I was like "what the heck?' and we talked about it and I took it away. I kept it for a long time and I'm not sure where it is or if we ever even returned it to the girl. But my ds was so embarrassed and ashamed we discovered it that it didn't really go any further as far as punishments go. He is a really good kid and didn't like us not trusting him. That was enough punishment. But this was an older teen and I knew there was no crisis. The dishonesty stinks but it is also hard to be an emerging adult living under parental rules. I'm all for law and order but understand being a teenager isn't always comfortable either. They need to make some decisions (good and bad) as part of their growing up process. I know I did.

[EKS]

46 minutes ago, sassenach said:

TBH, for me it’s because every time I have seen this situation play out in real life (I have several friends who have had this exact thing happen) it ended up leading to the discovery of freak out worthy issues, like nude photos, adult men grooming, detailed suicidal ideation, etc. 

Yes, well, it can also mean that the kid is binge watching old MacGyver episodes in bed every night.  Ask me how I know...

[Lanny]

4 hours ago, madteaparty said:

Well, Lanny, I haven’t been through life with an older teenager but hopefully better decisions will be made at 18 because the 14 yr old brain is still very much growing. I read somewhere that they are literally incapable of making good decisions left to their own devices, they just (also literally) don’t have enough brain for those calculations. 

OP, I would be freaking out, no question.

 

IMO if someone cannot be trusted when they are 14, they will be less trustworthy at 18.  A good 14 year old should be extremely capable of making excellent decisions. Deception usually leads to more deception.

[shawthorne44]

1 hour ago, sassenach said:

TBH, for me it’s because every time I have seen this situation play out in real life (I have several friends who have had this exact thing happen) it ended up leading to the discovery of freak out worthy issues, like nude photos, adult men grooming, detailed suicidal ideation, etc. 

I'm even freaking out for the OP.   The odds of this phone being innocent are nil. 

[Pen]

“Hey, Name, Dad found a cellphone in your room last night. We’re wondering what’s going on.”  

[Pen]

Then wait patiently for name to talk.

[SKL]

Well, first I would ask her what that phone is doing there.  Possibly it belongs to a friend and she has a legitimate reason for having it in her room.  You might clarify that in the future, even if it isn't her phone and she isn't using it, she needs to hand it over to you until it goes back to its owner.  Confiscate it right away so she doesn't have a chance to cover up any lies she might be telling.

If it is hers, or being lent for her use, I would look at the activity - not a wrong here since my kids know that my being privy to their phone/computer stuff is a condition to their having the stuff.  If she has password protected it, demand the password and demand that she always provide you her phone password.  Put the phone in time out for some time.  Depending on what you find on the phone, further action may be warranted.

Consider changing the password on the phone to one that she does not know (and delete her fingerprint if she uses that in lieu of a password), so that if she does sneak it, she can't use it.  If she is doing something you consider unsafe, lock down the access to that tool by putting your own password on it.  Most importantly, explain what the danger is, so that she is less likely to find a work-around such as using a friend's phone.

My kids do sneak their phones sometimes, and I admit I don't really do much about it.  I may hold it for an extra day or so to encourage better compliance next time.  If I took their phone for every dumb choice, they might as well not have a phone, and then I wouldn't have that to hold over their heads when I need it, LOL.