Found unauthorized cell phone in 14 y.old room - WWYD?

[EmseB]

24 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 b. it applies to everybody, not just the kids. It does no good to say "No devices in the bedroom and/or after 10pm" if they can turn around and say "You do it, and you're on the phone at dinner too!"

I agree that adults should model responsible screen use. At the same time, there are plenty of things I do as an adult that I don't allow for my kids. It's like, yes, I will model how to drink alcohol responsibly, but fairness does not come into the equation when I'm allowed to have a glass of wine and they are not. DH and I watch a TV show (streaming, via internet) almost every night after the kids go to bed. That doesn't mean I have to allow them screen use or internet access or later bedtimes because the adults get to do so. My kids could say, "You do it," about a lot of things that adults do that they are not allowed to do yet. That's not a basis for setting standards for kids' screen use.

Now, if I had a propensity to get up in the middle of the night and watch YouTube videos instead of getting necessary sleep, then I might be more inclined to try to turn off the internet for myself at certain hours. But the difference is that as an adult, I'm not doing those things, I'm able to self-regulate. Kids are notoriously bad at this and social media sites are designed to keep them engaged and keep them clicking on just one more thing. As an adult I can recognize this and step away, but it's a bit harder for my 10yo.

[Pen]

7 hours ago, HSMWB said:

***Update from OP***

She did not come asking about the missing phone, so I finally asked her where it came from.  She told me that it was from a friend (who is also homeschooled since birth I know this board will wonder), and then gave an explanation about how friend didn't have a charger cord for the phone, she (friend) thought she (daughter) might have one, so friend lent it to her to charge the phone. 

 

Hmm sounds unlikely though not impossible. 

Quote

She said this happened last week when they saw each other.  The phone was not physically near us when this conversation happened, but today I plan to ask her to unlock it in front of me so that I can see what is on it. 

Good idea.  Look for what Is not as well as what is— like if it looks like browser history has been erased

and if it seems consistent with story of a borrowed phone

old texts if they’re there 

phone call history 

Instagram and the like if possible 

photos to see if whose phone it was seems clear that way and to help determine that there hasn’t been any Xrated child pornography like photos to extent you can tell

 

Quote

Assuming that story stays the same, then plan to go meet the mom of the friend for coffee and give the phone back to her to deal with as she pleases.  

 

Will you ask about if they lack a charger cord in their home?

It sounds fishy, but I know someone who does something like that (asks friends to charge their devices based on lack of cords or chargers)  to keep their own electric bills low !  Or does charging of more expensive devices at coffee shops with outlets. 

However, I don’t think they give out passwords to use the device. 

 

Anyway, I d seek as much information from the other parent as possible. 

 

Quote

I don't quite believe all aspects of this story, but I think that the bones could be believeable.  This particular friend has expressed that she (DD's friend) thinks our rules are a bit strict (but talking with the mom we agreed that friend only heard daughters side, when hearing all sides it is much more reasonable) and she also has several older siblings who are young adults and I could see them letting her have 'castaway/old' phones of theirs that she then gave to our daughter.

 

Sounds more likely 

Quote

Daughter also reminded me tonight of exactly why we had been taking all screens.  Last night we went to bed early and only took cellphones because we were tired it has been a busy weekend.  The laptop was left in the common area.  In the middle of the night I got up because I could not sleep and wanted to do a little work on the laptop . . . it was found with a dead battery on sleeping DD's bed.  I looked through the history and she had been watching youtube make-up tutorials . . . sigh

 

When is “middle of night”? 

 

for her age, makeup tutorials sounds like a fairly normal thing —   Is she allowed to watch make-up tutorials at some reasonable daytime hour?

Edited June 3, 2019 by Pen

[Catwoman]

All I keep thinking is that I can understand wanting teens to respect family rules, but given the OP’s concern about her dd’s trustworthiness, I was very relieved to find out that the dd was only watching makeup tutorials when she sneaked online in the middle of the night.

It also makes me less suspicious about what she was doing with the phone. 

 

Edited June 3, 2019 by Catwoman
Typo!

[Tanaqui]

1 hour ago, EmseB said:

I agree that adults should model responsible screen use. At the same time, there are plenty of things I do as an adult that I don't allow for my kids. It's like, yes, I will model how to drink alcohol responsibly, but fairness does not come into the equation when I'm allowed to have a glass of wine and they are not. DH and I watch a TV show (streaming, via internet) almost every night after the kids go to bed. That doesn't mean I have to allow them screen use or internet access or later bedtimes because the adults get to do so. My kids could say, "You do it," about a lot of things that adults do that they are not allowed to do yet. That's not a basis for setting standards for kids' screen use.

 

If somebody in my household had a problem with alcohol, be they an adult or a child, I'd be willing to ban it from the entire family as well. Because that makes life easier on the person who needs to make the change.

It's a lot easier to change a rule at this age if you make it clear that it's a family affair, not a punishment.

[Corraleno]

11 hours ago, HSMWB said:

Daughter also reminded me tonight of exactly why we had been taking all screens.  Last night we went to bed early and only took cellphones because we were tired it has been a busy weekend.  The laptop was left in the common area.  In the middle of the night I got up because I could not sleep and wanted to do a little work on the laptop . . . it was found with a dead battery on sleeping DD's bed.  I looked through the history and she had been watching youtube make-up tutorials . . . sigh

So you were up late and wanted to use the computer, even though you believe screens disrupt sleep — isn't that basically the same thing your DD did? She was awake late, noticed the laptop was left out, and decided to watch make up tutorials for a bit until she fell asleep. And she was already asleep while you were up and looking for the computer, so it doesn't seem to have affected her too badly. Maybe it would make sense to loosen the restrictions a bit, at least over the summer?

Edited June 4, 2019 by Corraleno

[Pen]

8 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

I have some sympathy for her - those tutorials are a black hole!  - says the adult who still struggles to regulate, especially when Tati has a bunch of new videos drop 👀

 

Kinda like WTM can be a black hole 🤪🤫

[EmseB]

1 hour ago, Tanaqui said:

 

If somebody in my household had a problem with alcohol, be they an adult or a child, I'd be willing to ban it from the entire family as well. Because that makes life easier on the person who needs to make the change.

It's a lot easier to change a rule at this age if you make it clear that it's a family affair, not a punishment.

In our house, rules about bedtime, screen time, etc. are not punishments. I can go online after my kids' bedtime to watch TV, send work emails, or even goof off without anyone being punished. 

I feel comfortable saying there's a difference between a kid pushing boundaries or trying to sneak extra computer time against the rules to watch makeup videos without it being an addiction or serious problem a la alcoholism that needs extreme restriction from the entire family. I guess it does go back to how serious one finds that to be and how much freaking out needs to be done. Requiring everyone in the family to be off the internet when I send my kids to bed at nine would be a pretty extreme measure to take in our house because it would require adults do no work after the kids are in bed (sometimes that's the only time I can work), nor enjoy a movie w/o the kids. 

I'm fully comfortable setting boundaries for my kids that I don't have to also follow. That doesn't mean said boundaries are punishments or viewed as such. I am the world's meanest mom, though, so there is that. 😄

[regentrude]

3 hours ago, EmseB said:

But in any case, in our house, books do get the same reaction for some kids because some kids then cannot participate in life the next day because they didn't get enough sleep and who has to bear the consequences of that? Mostly me trying to get them ready for the day, get them to focus, keep them from looking like death while we are at an event that I've already paid for or scheduled, or just trying to get them to act nice to the rest of the household.

I guess I am on the complete other side of the spectru,m. At age 6, we turned over responsibility for sleep to the child. They had to be quiet after 8pm and in their rooms, so that other family members were able to sleep, but were responsible for their own sleep time.They quickly learned that if they stayed up late, the next morning would be unpleasant - for them. Because they still had to get up at 6:30, and school started at 8am. Since there was no rule about bedtime, there was no power struggle and no pushing boundaries, and they learned to self regulate during the elementary school years. If staying up late is not forbidden, it's not half as interesting.

[Terabith]

16 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I guess I am on the complete other side of the spectru,m. At age 6, we turned over responsibility for sleep to the child. They had to be quiet after 8pm and in their rooms, so that other family members were able to sleep, but were responsible for their own sleep time.They quickly learned that if they stayed up late, the next morning would be unpleasant - for them. Because they still had to get up at 6:30, and school started at 8am. Since there was no rule about bedtime, there was no power struggle and no pushing boundaries, and they learned to self regulate during the elementary school years. If staying up late is not forbidden, it's not half as interesting.

Yup.  Same here.  It never seemed like it was something worth fighting over to me.  And it seemed like a pretty important thing for kids to learn to self regulate early, too, when stakes were low.  But I rarely have made rules about technology either.  I can imagine situations in which we’d have to, but they haven’t come up.  But I start from an expectation of trust and respect.  Not that people who do things differently don’t.  Every family has to do what works for them.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

8 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

Would we tell a 14yo addicted to pot that it was no big deal, they have autonomy, and have peace knowing that as they age s/he will make better decisions?

Screen addiction is real. It is the plague of our kids’ generation. 

LOL - staying up a bit late to watch some make-up youtubes is not the definition of screen addiction!  Any more than the OP deciding to go on her laptop during the night because she has some insomnia makes her screen addicted.

[Pen]

26 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I guess I am on the complete other side of the spectru,m. At age 6, we turned over responsibility for sleep to the child. They had to be quiet after 8pm and in their rooms, so that other family members were able to sleep, but were responsible for their own sleep time.They quickly learned that if they stayed up late, the next morning would be unpleasant - for them. Because they still had to get up at 6:30, and school started at 8am. Since there was no rule about bedtime, there was no power struggle and no pushing boundaries, and they learned to self regulate during the elementary school years. If staying up late is not forbidden, it's not half as interesting.

 

Different kids are different.  

Some are good at self regulation, some have a lot of trouble. 

There are many children with *no* bedtime rules who stay up late.  

In my own experience, staying up and being sleep deprived is very common.  Especially among teens. 

[EmseB]

45 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I guess I am on the complete other side of the spectru,m. At age 6, we turned over responsibility for sleep to the child. They had to be quiet after 8pm and in their rooms, so that other family members were able to sleep, but were responsible for their own sleep time.They quickly learned that if they stayed up late, the next morning would be unpleasant - for them. Because they still had to get up at 6:30, and school started at 8am. Since there was no rule about bedtime, there was no power struggle and no pushing boundaries, and they learned to self regulate during the elementary school years. If staying up late is not forbidden, it's not half as interesting.

It's awesome all your kids can and do self-regulate like that! I have one who can and one who definitely can't and the little two, it kind of remains to be seen. I don't think our family is super odd in requiring bedtimes for our kids, but I could be wrong. In any case I have one kid where his stay up late self does not care about his morning self at all, and I am left with the fallout.

Also, I admit that I set these boundaries set for myself as well. I need time to work, I need time alone (or alone w/dh if he's home), and set bedtimes save my sanity in the evenings. 

ETA: obviously I can't force anyone to sleep, but for one of my kids, he would read Calvin and Hobbes until the wee hours regardless of how miserable he made himself and others the next day. So the content of what he was doing was innocuous, but we still had to say he couldn't take those to bed with him. Interestingly, without the books he fell asleep w/in 20 minutes usually, so it wasn't like he was reading them to fall asleep.

Edited June 3, 2019 by EmseB

[Jean in Newcastle]

2 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Kind of separate from the OP, but YouTube is a whole entire rabbit hole of really freaking weird crap.  My kids ONLY watch YouTube on a family TV, and they watch on DH's account so that he can double check everything.  They like to watch play throughs of Mario Kart, which would be fine, except that sometimes the "next video" is some super freaking weird play through of a different Mario game where someone does voice overs with a lot of sexual content and all sorts of other weird crap.  In fact, DH watches a whole lot of fishing videos....a LOT of fishing videos....and even then, he gets some of the most bizarre crap that pops up. 

Yeah, I will be monitoring YouTube use for a very long time, as a totally separate thing from stuff like screens in the room and so on.  

Have you set your YouTube settings for Restricted Mode?  It limits what can crop up.  No filters are 100% perfect but I have found it works pretty well. 

[catz]

I also know some homeschool families who've never had bedtimes and their days regularly don't start until after 12 noon.  And if that works for you, that's great.  Starting school after noon would mean my brain would turn off.  I am at my best between about 8 am and 2 pm and then I'm pretty done as a homeschooler.  As in many things in life, YMMV.  If you have something that works for your family and your kids, great. But you can't assume everyone else is doing it "wrong".  Some kids self regulate better than others.  Some families need boundaries than other ones don't need.  You do you.  

Edited June 3, 2019 by FuzzyCatz

[Tanaqui]

So on the plus side, I think we've pretty much covered all your options here and you just have to pick the ones that best suits your family.

[maize]

3 hours ago, regentrude said:

I guess I am on the complete other side of the spectru,m. At age 6, we turned over responsibility for sleep to the child. They had to be quiet after 8pm and in their rooms, so that other family members were able to sleep, but were responsible for their own sleep time.They quickly learned that if they stayed up late, the next morning would be unpleasant - for them. Because they still had to get up at 6:30, and school started at 8am. Since there was no rule about bedtime, there was no power struggle and no pushing boundaries, and they learned to self regulate during the elementary school years. If staying up late is not forbidden, it's not half as interesting.

I think based on past discussions that poor executive function isn't a thing in your family; an ability to self regulate can be more nature than nurture.

My guess is that your approach works for kids who have good executive function/self regulation ability to start with.

[fairfarmhand]

3 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

I would guess that your kids probably are on the other end of the spectrum.  I don't have any experience with kids who have the ability to make those sorts of connections and self regulations at those ages.   Of course my kids are like me and more nocturnal than diurnal.  But, my nephew is one who pops up at the crack of 5:30am every day and has since the day he was born.  He's 13, and would absolutely stay up playing video games if my sister let him.  And still be exhausted and irritable and a general pain in the a** to be around.....and do it all again the next day.  

Same. I also had kids who will eat till they barfed. And it is totally unpleasant for ME to have to try to teach a whiny, weepy over tired child. And it’s annoying to everyone else to have to listen to it. I mean, yes you can say “you must be pleasant.” But I didn’t want to have to spend a day doling our punishments when the kid failed. Much better for our family to set the kid up for success by making them go to bed.

[Daria]

I'm not quite sure why people think a teenager can't activate a phone.  You go to the store, buy a pay as you go phone, buy a gift card for a service and activate online.  There is no requirement to prove your are an adult.  You might need to provide a birthdate but that's easy to do.  

[Pen]

5 minutes ago, Daria said:

I'm not quite sure why people think a teenager can't activate a phone.  You go to the store, buy a pay as you go phone, buy a gift card for a service and activate online.  There is no requirement to prove your are an adult.  You might need to provide a birthdate but that's easy to do.  

 

I thought it might be best not to point out for the dc reading over our shoulders. 

Yes. My Ds managed to do this when younger than to main child this thread is about. 

[LMD]

7 hours ago, regentrude said:

I guess I am on the complete other side of the spectru,m. At age 6, we turned over responsibility for sleep to the child. They had to be quiet after 8pm and in their rooms, so that other family members were able to sleep, but were responsible for their own sleep time.They quickly learned that if they stayed up late, the next morning would be unpleasant - for them. Because they still had to get up at 6:30, and school started at 8am. Since there was no rule about bedtime, there was no power struggle and no pushing boundaries, and they learned to self regulate during the elementary school years. If staying up late is not forbidden, it's not half as interesting.

 

Did you allow them to have screens in their rooms after 8pm? 

But, you are regulating, just at the other end! Bedtime may not be a battle, but getting up on time or starting school on time might have become one, when you/the school set that 6.30/8am rule.

[SKL]

17 hours ago, regentrude said:

and that must be forbidden, because???

If this is the dangerous stuff she is doing with electronics, I don't understand the rule at all. Would staying up all night with a book elicit a different reaction?

This happens with one of my daughters.  I am super glad that her choice of content is as innocent as make-up tutorials.  But she needs her sleep, and has shown herself unable/unwilling to resist the temptation of sacrificing sleep for stupid videos.  Other kid, same thing, except the time-waster is k-pop tripe.  (And yes, staying up with a book all night is a problem too with one.  I confiscated the book light.)

I am not one to freak out about this kind of thing, but I do want it to stop.  Wish I had better ideas on this topic.

[SKL]

9 hours ago, regentrude said:

I guess I am on the complete other side of the spectru,m. At age 6, we turned over responsibility for sleep to the child. They had to be quiet after 8pm and in their rooms, so that other family members were able to sleep, but were responsible for their own sleep time.They quickly learned that if they stayed up late, the next morning would be unpleasant - for them. Because they still had to get up at 6:30, and school started at 8am. Since there was no rule about bedtime, there was no power struggle and no pushing boundaries, and they learned to self regulate during the elementary school years. If staying up late is not forbidden, it's not half as interesting.

My kids used to ask me if they could please go to sleep when they were little.  Things have changed in the past couple years.  I do think the body clock changes around middle school age.  It did for me also.

I also do think that today's internet has a different level of influence over kids' choices.  (Or adults' for that matter.  But adults are not growing etc.)

[SKL]

8 hours ago, Seasider too said:

 

Would we tell a 14yo addicted to pot that it was no big deal, they have autonomy, and have peace knowing that as they age s/he will make better decisions?

Screen addiction is real. It is the plague of our kids’ generation. 

This is another reason I confiscate the screens - overnight usually, and occasionally longer.  I am hoping that if they don't have them all the time, they won't get super addicted.

I have my own issues with addictive behavior involving screens and games.  And I've seen much worse.  When we were teens, my brother and his friends were nuts over Dungeons and Dragons, and it got ridiculous too.  It's unhealthy.  As a parent, I have some responsibility for my kids' health until they are 18.  If they can learn from their own mistakes etc., that is ideal, but if that doesn't work, I have to try something else.  Like most parents, I go through cycles of loosening and tightening the line, seeking the right balance of healthy independence / healthy supervision.

[maize]

5 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

When my kid was 14, getting to a store would have required me to drive her.  Public transportation doesn't exist in a whole lot of areas, and many of those areas also don't have much within walking distance.  In addition, all the money that my DD received at 14 I had access to.  Either it came from an allowance, or it came from her job.............which was at my sister's cake shop.  And most 14yr olds don't have a job or other steady source of income, so most of the money they get comes from parents.  It would have been really difficult for my kid to have gotten to a place where she could get a phone, pay for the activation and maintain regular service without my knowledge.  At least not without some more lying/sneaking and/or some sort of an accomplice.  

There are very inexpensive phone and service options; I recently picked up a $29 tracfone smartphone on clearance at the grocery store for my 15 year old; pay as you go tracfone cards start around $10.

Our grocery store is less than half a mile away. My dd doesn't have regular income but what she picks up from things like pet sitting would totally cover that phone if she mostly used it with Wi-Fi. (She mostly doesn't use it at all...she took it with her when travelling out of state for a martial arts tournament a few weeks ago and did text me a few times but hasn't touched it since. I tease her sometimes about how un-teenagerish she is.)

[Lady Florida.]

16 hours ago, kand said:

I think kids vary in their ability to self-regulate. We don’t regulate bed times for kids, but still have a couple who are terrible at it. One stays up late night after night and then feels awful each morning, but it hasn’t changed her behavior.  The same goes for computer use.

This x1000. My 21 yo with moderate-severe ADHD has a terrible time self regulating. He always has and it will always be a struggle for him. We taught him coping skills and he takes ADHD meds but for the rest of his life he'll need to fight his natural tendencies. 

[MamaSprout]

Started new thread.

Edited June 4, 2019 by MamaSprout

[Tanaqui]

I think, MamaSprout, that that question might be worthy of its own thread. I can imagine that we all have a lot to say!

[Jean in Newcastle]

For me, the issue is not with scaffolding certain kids.  Or having boundaries.  The issue I have is that some seem to be putting a moral spin on this that I think is counterproductive. The other issue I have is that some parents seem to treat teens the same way that I would treat a much younger child.   I really think that teens benefit most from parents coming ALONGSIDE them.  Thus my advice of lots of nonconfrontational talking, asking for teen input etc.  I see this as a form of scaffolding in helping young teens think through the natural consequences and figuring out what their choices are.  That doesn't mean that there might not need to be scaffolding beyond that for some.  But I wouldn't start with the big guns. 

[Wheres Toto]

I'm not sure I understand the rationale for waiting so long to confront the kid and then not being prepared with the phone in hand to check things.  Why stretch it out so much?

I've raised one through the teenage years, have one just entering them and one about to enter them.  We definitely aren't on the stricter end of things and have given the kids at least some control over their activities.   We do allow screens in bedrooms, partially because we have a very small house and that's what works best.  I can literally hear everything the kids are doing in their rooms.  I also check where they've been and what they've been doing.  I choose to limit their screen time by keeping them busy with other things rather than just pulling them away.   

Bedtimes are a mix.  We all go to bed at 10pm.   If the kids have trouble sleeping, they are allowed to get up and read or watch tv.   Some days they need to get up early, some days they can sleep in.   Either way they aren't generally cranky even if they are tired.  

One of the younger kids has aspergers and the other has adhd and anxiety.  So far this is working - a mix of guidance and support, with the occasional "I suggest you not stay up too late tonight".

[Jenny in Florida]

On 5/31/2019 at 1:43 PM, Lanny said:

 

IMO if someone cannot be trusted when they are 14, they will be less trustworthy at 18.  A good 14 year old should be extremely capable of making excellent decisions. Deception usually leads to more deception.

 

Well, I have to tell you that is 100% not how it played out here. 

At 14, my son was such a handful that I ended up "expelling" him from our homeschool. We caught him sneaking out of the house, texting things that were definitely inappropriate and regularly lying to us about all kinds things big and small.

By 18 he was what most adults would recognize as "a good kid." He was in college, had his first steady girlfriend -- the first girl he ever actually "dated" and who is still his girlfriend more than three years later -- was working part time, etc. In his case, I think being a young teen without the option to do anything "real" just basically drove him crazy. Once he turned the corner and was allowed to be an adult, he started rising to that expectation.

Don't get me wrong: He wasn't (and isn't) perfect. But it is simply flat out not true that he was "worse" at 18 than he was at 14.

[Jenny in Florida]

I was thinking of this thread while listening to a podcast the other day:

https://clark.com/podcasts/5-17-19-phone-addicted-teens-are-getting-burner-phones-clark-stinks/

Apparently, the whole "secret phone" thing is becoming more common. 

[Jenny in Florida]

On 6/3/2019 at 8:55 AM, regentrude said:

and that must be forbidden, because???

If this is the dangerous stuff she is doing with electronics, I don't understand the rule at all. Would staying up all night with a book elicit a different reaction?

 

Well, and I'm amused that the reason mom found out about it at all is that she got up in the middle of the night to use the laptop.

[scholastica]

1 hour ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

Well, and I'm amused that the reason mom found out about it at all is that she got up in the middle of the night to use the laptop.

Actually, she woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep, so she decided to do some work on the laptop. For those of us with occasional insomnia, it makes sense to go do something productive instead of staying in bed awake.

[Jean in Newcastle]

2 minutes ago, scholastica said:

Actually, she woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep, so she decided to do some work on the laptop. For those of us with occasional insomnia, it makes sense to go do something productive instead of staying in bed awake.

Which is what I tell my current teen.  But apparently it is a sign of addiction to tell a teen to do what works for a lot of us. 

[LMD]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Which is what I tell my current teen.  But apparently it is a sign of addiction to tell a teen to do what works for a lot of us. 

 

Playing on a screen and preventing yourself from sleeping because you are a teen with low impulse control, is a very different situation from an adult who has slept, been woken, and decides to use the time & screen to work.

I feel like people are intentionally misreading posts...

[katilac]

On 6/3/2019 at 8:42 PM, Daria said:

I'm not quite sure why people think a teenager can't activate a phone.  You go to the store, buy a pay as you go phone, buy a gift card for a service and activate online.  There is no requirement to prove your are an adult.  You might need to provide a birthdate but that's easy to do.  

Yes, phones are super easy to get and activate. 

On 6/4/2019 at 7:44 AM, happysmileylady said:

When my kid was 14, getting to a store would have required me to drive her.  Public transportation doesn't exist in a whole lot of areas, and many of those areas also don't have much within walking distance. 

You only need a gas station or convenience store., and not very much money. Of course it's easier if you're in a city walking past a myriad of stores every day, but a phone is a very easy thing for teens to obtain. The more rural kids just may have to wait a few weeks for the right opportunity. And yes, deceit is going to be involved by definition, otherwise you would simply be asking your parents to drive you to the store to buy a phone. 

I agree that it's harder for some kids than others, but I promise that even 'harder' is very, very easy. 

[Pen]

You can also order a smartphone and minutes (for example tracfone) by telephone or online nowadays, if you have some way to pay. 

[katilac]

2 hours ago, Pen said:

You can also order a smartphone and minutes (for example tracfone) by telephone or online nowadays, if you have some way to pay. 

You can buy those prepaid Visa cards almost anywhere. 

[Catwoman]

Any updates?

[Catwoman]

On 6/3/2019 at 8:27 AM, HSMWB said:

***Update from OP***

She did not come asking about the missing phone, so I finally asked her where it came from.  She told me that it was from a friend (who is also homeschooled since birth I know this board will wonder), and then gave an explanation about how friend didn't have a charger cord for the phone, she (friend) thought she (daughter) might have one, so friend lent it to her to charge the phone.  She said this happened last week when they saw each other.  The phone was not physically near us when this conversation happened, but today I plan to ask her to unlock it in front of me so that I can see what is on it.  Assuming that story stays the same, then plan to go meet the mom of the friend for coffee and give the phone back to her to deal with as she pleases.  

I don't quite believe all aspects of this story, but I think that the bones could be believeable.  This particular friend has expressed that she (DD's friend) thinks our rules are a bit strict (but talking with the mom we agreed that friend only heard daughters side, when hearing all sides it is much more reasonable) and she also has several older siblings who are young adults and I could see them letting her have 'castaway/old' phones of theirs that she then gave to our daughter.

Daughter also reminded me tonight of exactly why we had been taking all screens.  Last night we went to bed early and only took cellphones because we were tired it has been a busy weekend.  The laptop was left in the common area.  In the middle of the night I got up because I could not sleep and wanted to do a little work on the laptop . . . it was found with a dead battery on sleeping DD's bed.  I looked through the history and she had been watching youtube make-up tutorials . . . sigh

 

Any updates? I hope everything turned out okay!

[HSMWB]

6 hours ago, Catwoman said:

Any updates?

 

She unlocked the phone for us and nothing except silly selfies, texts between her and her two bffs, and of course the usual social media apps were found.  Whew.  Oh. My. Word.  I am so relieved.  Lots of tears all around, but I think we managed to muddle through.

It was basically given to her from a friend who’s parents purchased her a new uncracked phone.  They considered it ‘junk/trash’ and it didn’t even cross their mind that their child would give it away.

And a big thank you you to everyone who replied, at least I know we are surely not alone in this.

[Catwoman]

Thank you for the update! I’m glad to hear she wasn’t doing anything inappropriate on that phone!

[Katy]

So relieved there wasn't some creeper on the other side of that lock screen.