anyone's family NOT excited for more babies?

[omishev]

We have 3 and are thinking about having a 4th. I am concerned our families won't be excited. First because we visit frequently and I think they already feel like it is chaotic. A big reason is financial. Both sets of grandparents are saving for college and dividing equally among the grandkids but they only have one cousin on each side. The more kids we have the less money their child gets. Also, I feel like the aunts/uncles would not be thrilled about getting extra bday/Christmas presents. We are thankful for their generosity but we don't want to be selfish; I would say just split it by family but I don't think the grandparents would do it. They would probably try to increase the total they are saving so it doesn't impact the other kids as much but still... I would be so excited to have another baby and it is hard to think others may not be. We both come from 2-kid families so even having 3 seems nuts to them.

 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

4 minutes ago, omishev said:

We have 3 and are thinking about having a 4th. I am concerned our families won't be excited. First because we visit frequently and I think they already feel like it is chaotic. A big reason is financial. Both sets of grandparents are saving for college and dividing equally among the grandkids but they only have one cousin on each side. The more kids we have the less money their child gets. Also, I feel like the aunts/uncles would not be thrilled about getting extra bday/Christmas presents. We are thankful for their generosity but we don't want to be selfish; I would say just split it by family but I don't think the grandparents would do it. They would probably try to increase the total they are saving so it doesn't impact the other kids as much but still... I would be so excited to have another baby and it is hard to think others may not be. We both come from 2-kid families so even having 3 seems nuts to them.

 

I don't come from a family who gives my kids anything, so I can come from that perspective when I say this: I would be seriously tempted to tell the entire family that I don't want a thin dime of theirs, for my children, but I would appreciate it if they would accept my children and be there for them in less pecuniary concerns. Like coming to their Little League playoffs or dance recitals, and happily sharing Sunday dinner now and then.

If I had siblings or in-laws or parents who resented the existence of my children due to the resource thinning for all, they wouldn't see us very often. Maybe never. It might be worth it to force your relatives to admit that...in case there's a chance you'd be blessed and surprised to find that they don't feel that way at all. I hope not.

[ktgrok]

Yup. I waited to tell my parents and it was still bleh when I told them. I hate that. But they always come around and get excited once the pregnancy progresses. But yeah, when I told my parents we were expecting number 4 my mom said, "are you sure you want another one?" Um...I just told you were were TRYING to have another one, we conceived one, and I'm several months along. At this point, it is safe to say we are having this baby, so it's a bit late for "do we want one more". Sigh. 

Just ignore it. Or you will resent them forever if you let them dictate your family size. 

[barnwife]

Oh, hello me from 2 years ago. I knew DH's family would be thrilled about a #4; mine...not so much. It's not that they wouldn't love a baby. It's just that families of more than 3 in my family are rare in my generation. FWIW, now that #4 is 2 yo and of course, everyone loves him.

8 minutes ago, Lang Syne Boardie said:

I but I would appreciate it if they would accept my children and be there for them in less pecuniary concerns. Like coming to their Little League playoffs or dance recitals, and happily sharing Sunday dinner now and then.

As for the above quote from a pp, that's nice in theory. However, in many families that isn't possible due to time/distance constraints.

OP, fwiw, DH and I realized we needed to have whatever size family we feel called to, regardless of how others may respond.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

1 minute ago, barnwife said:

Oh, hello me from 2 years ago. I knew DH's family would be thrilled about a #4; mine...not so much. It's not that they wouldn't love a baby. It's just that families of more than 3 in my family are rare in my generation. FWIW, now that #4 is 2 yo and of course, everyone loves him.

As for the above quote from a pp, that's nice in theory. However, in many families that isn't possible due to time/distance constraints.

OP, fwiw, DH and I realized we needed to have whatever size family we feel called to, regardless of how others may respond.

 

I know it's only a nice theory. My family that does nothing financial for my kids, also doesn't care to attend their activities or invite them to their holidays. But I was referring to an option that could be presented to relatives whose current idea of involvement is a bank account - be present sometimes, or as possible, instead of looking at each grandchild as yet another financial obligation (with or without relationship).

[EmseB]

Just recently found out we're expecting #5. My side of the family thinks I'm nuts for having more than two. Although they love all of them, it was a little difficult breaking the news for me. But we also have a ton of people in our lives who love one more baby and big families, so it wasn't all difficult.

[moonflower]

1 minute ago, EmseB said:

Just recently found out we're expecting #5. My side of the family thinks I'm nuts for having more than two. Although they love all of them, it was a little difficult breaking the news for me. But we also have a ton of people in our lives who love one more baby and big families, so it wasn't all difficult.

 

Congratulations!

[Loowit]

My parents weren't thrilled when I was expecting our 3rd.  Mom had told me after our 2nd that we could stop now because we had a boy and a girl.  I just kind of rolled my eyes.  My parents love youngest as much as the others, and did as soon as he was born.  I have no idea what my ILs thought about it.

I understand what you are saying about uneven distribution.  Both DH's siblings only have 1 child each, so it is a bit uneven with gifts and such, but no one has complained or said anything.  The college money would make it awkward in a way, but at the same time I would feel it is my parents'/ILs' money to do with what they will.  I would not let that really factor into my decision making.

I would have loved to have had a 4th child regardless of family feelings on the subject, but couldn't due to infertility problems.

[ktgrok]

To clarify how much my parents are not okay with large families, my mom kept pressing to know when my DH would have a vasectomy until I quite firmly and fairly rudely told her that asking about other people's sex lives or birth control is NOT OKAY. EVER. PERIOD!

[AFwife Claire]

Could you just suggest that they divide college resources evenly by family?  That way each child in your family would get less, but your family would get an equal amount.  I don't know from experience though--neither of our extended families have helped us financially.

And even though my husband came from a family of 6, his family still thought we were crazy for having so many--"Why don't you stop?!  You're not even Catholic!" was their direct quote.  My parents were supportive theoretically ("Children are all a blessing"), but as I was one of only 2 kids, they really couldn't fathom why we kept having kids either, lol.  But we pretty much didn't ask or care about other's opinions, and I am glad for that!  (And I think it's hilarious that 4 is such a potentially shocking number!  😂)  

[HS Mom in NC]

18 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

To clarify how much my parents are not okay with large families, my mom kept pressing to know when my DH would have a vasectomy until I quite firmly and fairly rudely told her that asking about other people's sex lives or birth control is NOT OKAY. EVER. PERIOD!

That's not rude.  Please don't perpetuate that myth to yourself or your children that what you did was rude. It's always exactly the appropriate thing to tell anyone when they press about matters that don't concern them.

[Lorien]

If my parents had any concerns, they kept them hidden and were nothing but supportive. Some of my siblings weren’t excited when we announced #s 6 and 7 though because they’d been forced into being done at 3 (physical issues) or had a spouse who was done at 3. I could understand their disappointment even though it hurt that they couldn’t be happy for us.

DHs parents were a different kettle of fish. MIL didn’t talk to me for two days after we announced #7 (mutlti-generation household here, so can we say...awkward!), wouldn’t speak of the pregnancy for months, refusing to acknowledge simple things such as adding a new nail to the family picture wall, because she was not happy we were having another. Then after several months she wondered aloud to another family member that she thought it was strange we never talked about the coming baby. As soon as #7 was born, it was a totally different story and Grandma loves #7 as much as the other grandkids.

However, we’ve been told not to have any more, we’ve gotten ultimatums that will take effect if we dare to get pregnant again, and we regularly hear comments about us being done. I’ve told DH if we do decide to have another, then he’s telling his parents! 🙂 

[Moonhawk]

My parents were not thrilled when I told them about #3 and #4. How they act now though, you'd think more grandchildren was all their idea, lol. My mom is bracing herself for #5, since I've said we'll have more once it's financially viable (even though this is at least a year in the future, she is already trying to come to terms with it, lol). One sister is jealous (she wanted lots of kids but her husband wouldn't have more than 2). My other sister thinks that having more than 2 is the height of parental neglect and hung up on me when I called to tell her about #4, LOL. 

I didn't let any of this ruin my own excitement though. Having another baby, another child and getting to see a whole new person from the beginning: all of the things every baby does to look forwad to, all of the quirks each individual has to discover. They'll either come around eventually to see how much joy the new baby is, or they don't. The things you listed as dampers on their thrill seem petty when put next to a WHOLE NEW LIFE and should be treated as such. If you guys would be excited to have another baby, everything else is small potatoes 🙂 

[fairfarmhand]

Considering that one of my kids has been a major challenge in the last few months (young adult knucklehead) I’ve beem so thankful for my other kids. It takes a lot to overcome the hurt, sense of failure, and sadness, and my other three have helped me heal. 

My kids see eldercare in families with fewer kids and thank me for having so many kids (and I only have 4) to divide all that up with. 

Also, my cousin is one of two. Her sister died way too young last year. Nowshes an only child with an aging parent and that’s hard.

so there’s lots of good stuff. Way more than challenges, I promise. It’ll be okay.

[gardenmom5]

I went through that, even some rude comments.  tbh: I had already developed a fairly low opinion of family's opinions.  they weren't paying any of my bills, or doing anything that offered support to my family - so frankly, they had zero say in what choices my dh and I made/make.

and giving things for which I didn't ask - are gifts.  I learned to never count on them, after all - whether they give a gift or not, is their choice.   they had zero right to tell me what I should do based on a gift they may or may not give me one day.

[klmama]

OP, if the extended family isn't excited at first, that's their problem; don't let it become yours.  If someone makes a critical comment, it may just be because they are concerned about you and aren't thinking about how it would sound.  Don't let it get you down.  They'll love any future dc you have, just like they love the ones you have now!

[Catwoman]

5 hours ago, EmseB said:

Just recently found out we're expecting #5. My side of the family thinks I'm nuts for having more than two. Although they love all of them, it was a little difficult breaking the news for me. But we also have a ton of people in our lives who love one more baby and big families, so it wasn't all difficult.

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I’m so happy for you!!!

[Chris in VA]

Gosh, this thread makes me so sad. And grateful. I can't imagine babies not being welcomed in my family (both sides). People saying what you guys have heard is just far out of my experience.  

[LMD]

8 hours ago, EmseB said:

Just recently found out we're expecting #5. My side of the family thinks I'm nuts for having more than two. Although they love all of them, it was a little difficult breaking the news for me. But we also have a ton of people in our lives who love one more baby and big families, so it wasn't all difficult.

Congratulations!!! That's so lovely!

[lavender's green]

We both come from two-child families, so everyone thinks more than two is nuts. There was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm over #3, until she turned out to be the first girl grandchild. 

At one point MIL said in a dry voice "I'll never be able to retire." Okaaaay...? Sorry for being such a burden by supplying you with grandbabies....? They do not financially support us in any way, shape, or form. I'm still scratching my head over that. Unfortunately it was before I learned to call out all her little remarks.

[fairfarmhand]

I don’t understand...are we larger families allowed to criticize and moan “you’re ONLY having two? When are you having another one?” “Just two? Wow. How selfish.” 

No. Because it’s NONE OF ANYONES BUSINESS how many kids anyone has!

[Momto6inIN]

I was apprehensive to tell my parents about #6 being on the way. I only have 1 sibling and my dad was a staunch believer in overpopulation back in the 60's/70's and my mom has always believed that having too many babies weakens a woman's health because her mom had 6 and died at 60 from complications of rheumatoid arthritis. I've told her about research that actually shows the contrary, but old beliefs die hard. They have never been anything but supportive of me and my family out loud. Who knows what they say about us when we're not around lol but I can't imagine them saying anything like the comments some of you report. 😕

I also can't imagine having a sibling who was so concerned about the money they might theoretically get someday that they were upset about getting another niece or nephew to love. I'm sorry for all of you who have to deal with that. My brother and his wife have 2 and say they're done and can't imagine having as many as we have, but they love and support them all and are never stingy with Christmas presents and whatnot. I do try to spend more on their 2 for gifts than I might if the numbers were more even.

Extended family is a whole nother story. DH has several aunts and uncles with 7+ kids and 6 siblings himself so it was no big deal to his side of the family. But my aunt's and uncles and cousins think we're a freak show and regularly make comments about how maybe we should get separate bedrooms. I just shrug and say we like it and what else are we going to do with all our time if we don't have a TV? 😎 They usually don't know how to respond to that and drop it.

[maize]

My grandparents (both sets) were not delighted when my parents kept having babies--ten of us! I remember with #7 my mom just didn't tell them, they found out when she stepped off the plane for a visit six months pregnant.

I've been fortunate, both dh and I come from large families and our parents have always expressed delight and support when a new baby was announced.

[ktgrok]

My mom's "reasoning" for saying I'm "not allowed" to have more children is that it is too anxiety provoking for her. Yes her. She has anxiety and worries about pregnancy complicaitons/delivery/etc. To be fair, she had an emergency c-section with me after my heart rate dropped to almost nothing, so maybe that is the source of that fear. But it is still not okay to tell me not to have kids because of it. Get a counselor and some xanax. Add in that my last several were home births and yeah, it was ugly until the babies were born. Then she was fine. So I guess she wasn't being selfish, it was fear for me that made her be such a PIA about it, but still. 

She's lucky I'm exhausted and  that #4 is practically feral and takes up ALL my energy or I might have had another kid just to spite her, lol. Very much a "don't tell me what to do" reaction. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Anyone else think it's weird that people who want to retire a couple of decades before dying are hostile to the idea of more taxpayers being born to support their taxpayer subsidized retirement?  Yep.  Baby Boomers and silent Gen really are the "Me" generations.

[mommyoffive]

I feel you on this.  My family gave me such a hard time about everything.  What age was deemed ok to get married.  What age was ok for having a kid.  Every kid after the first one, I have gotten a hard time about.  All those negative comments.  You don't need more than one.  Why would you another?  I hope you are done.   And on and on.  We don't get help from family other than presents, which I wish they wouldn't do.    

[Selkie]

There was one instance of this in my family, but it was in the opposite direction - having too few kids. My brother and his wife decided they were content with their one child and weren't going to have any more. My other brother's wife raised a huge stink, lectured them on how they were ruining their child's life by not providing a sibling, and gossiped about it far and wide. It was so extremely obnoxious and inappropriate.

This is the same SIL who called me "weird" behind my back because I breastfed my babies. She also once asked me what my ds' favorite tv show was. When I said he didn't have one because he was only one year old, she then proceeded to gossip about how deprived my poor ds was because he wasn't watching enough tv. Seriously.

[StaceyinLA]

Haven't read previous replies, but I can tell you that I would not, for a millisecond, be concerned what anyone in my family thought about my wanting to add another child to my family.

[Arcadia]

4 hours ago, Momto5inIN said:

I also can't imagine having a sibling who was so concerned about the money they might theoretically get someday that they were upset about getting another niece or nephew to love. 

 

My BIL’s wife did think that and a few slip of the tongue over the years gave that away. She feels financially insecure all the time even though their family can be considered upper middle class for their region. My in-laws want more grandkids for bragging rights mostly so BIL’s wife has three, my SIL (DH’s sister) has two and I have two. My SIL would be supportive of any number of kids we choose to have. 

My parents were worried for my health having two kids a year apart which I can’t blame them because I have health issues since newborn. We (husband and I) were worried about infertility which my mom suffered from so didn’t want to delay having a second child. My parents are very supportive in time and money. My brother (only sibling) has only one child and my parents know it won’t bother me if they give his child more.

[fairfarmhand]

23 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

My BIL’s wife did think that and a few slip of the tongue over the years gave that away. She feels financially insecure all the time even though their family can be considered upper middle class for their region. My in-laws want more grandkids for bragging rights mostly so BIL’s wife has three, my SIL (DH’s sister) has two and I have two. My SIL would be supportive of any number of kids we choose to have. 

My parents were worried for my health having two kids a year apart which I can’t blame them because I have health issues since newborn. We (husband and I) were worried about infertility which my mom suffered from so didn’t want to delay having a second child. My parents are very supportive in time and money. My brother (only sibling) has only one child and my parents know it won’t bother me if they give his child more.

I get this. 

Sometimes, I think good parents who worry about health matters simply give a knee jerk response right  off the bat, hurt their kids' feelings, and nobody knows how to recover from that. 

I pray that I will be gracious. I have one dd who has health struggles (mental and physical) and I know were she to become pregnant, it would be very hard to be happy and excited right off the bat. I would hope that if I was cuaght off guard enough that my reaction was poor, that I could go back and make it right. "Honey, I've been so concerned for your health that I was caught off guard. I'm sorry my reaction wasn't what you expected. This is going to be a good thing. You'll get through the pregnancy and it'll be okay. "

[omishev]

It has been really interesting to read everyone responses.  I am so sorry for the hurtful things some of you have experienced. Others, I just love your attitudes. haha!! Thanks for the encouragement! 

[Arcadia]

3 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

I pray that I will be gracious. I have one dd who has health struggles (mental and physical) and I know were she to become pregnant, it would be very hard to be happy and excited right off the bat. I would hope that if I was caught off guard enough that my reaction was poor, that I could go back and make it right. 

 

My husband and I expected my parents to be worried so it wasn’t hurtful. My parents proceeded to buy food for me to ensure that my prenatal nutrition is taken care of because they feel bad my husband has to spend much more for me during my eventful pregnancies versus a typical pregnancy. My in-laws’ reaction was to ask if baby was going to be a boy because they want more grandsons, that was actually hurtful. 

[sassenach]

Yeah, by the time we hit #4 it felt like I was sharing a terminal diagnosis. My grandmother, who was the best at loving the babies once they arrived, would sigh and tell me how sorry she was. Lol. 

 

[moonflower]

8 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Anyone else think it's weird that people who want to retire a couple of decades before dying are hostile to the idea of more taxpayers being born to support their taxpayer subsidized retirement?  Yep.  Baby Boomers and silent Gen really are the "Me" generations.

 

I always think this is so hilarious.  We had a fair number of extended family members who expressed concern to my mom that we were ruining the environment by having too many kids.  They're all 50-60+ and have either not had kids of their own or alienated the ones they do have (via divorce when the kids were young, etc.).  Like, hello, who do you expect to literally take physical care of you when you're old (much less pay into SS/Medicare to pay the people who will literally take care of you)?  Are you just planning to import young people from other countries to do this work for you?  So stupid.  

OP, we've gotten a lot of censure about having more than 2 kids.  2 was my mom's limit.  She has learned to say "oh, congratulations!" through gritted teeth, which is an improvement.  We have 7.  I had been only telling my sister, who normally got excited and congratulatory, but with the last pregnancy she said okay, fine, but only if you put them all in school.

So now I'm telling no one, I'll just show up to the 4th of July 7 months pregnant or something 🙂

[moonflower]

When I was pregnant with our 4th, my mom gave me the book The Fifth Child. (Doris Lessing).  What a terrible book.  

The idea was (and she stated this pretty plainly) if you keep rolling the dice by having kids, you'll eventually have one that is more of a burden, or more annoying, or something.  I didn't quite get it.  The thing is, in the book, the author has to make the baby a literal monster, like a sci-fi type thing, to make the trope work - because otherwise, it's just another child, maybe needier or less needy than the rest but not of less value because of that.

Ooh, I resent that book.  I don't think Doris Lessing understood children or the concept of mutual sacrifice.

[katilac]

3 hours ago, moonflower said:

When I was pregnant with our 4th, my mom gave me the book The Fifth Child. (Doris Lessing).   

 

 

Who gives a pregnant woman a horror book about pregnancy? Who does that, lol? Did she give you Rosemary's Baby for the next one? 

[scholastica]

3 hours ago, moonflower said:

When I was pregnant with our 4th, my mom gave me the book The Fifth Child. (Doris Lessing).  What a terrible book.  

The idea was (and she stated this pretty plainly) if you keep rolling the dice by having kids, you'll eventually have one that is more of a burden, or more annoying, or something.  I didn't quite get it.  The thing is, in the book, the author has to make the baby a literal monster, like a sci-fi type thing, to make the trope work - because otherwise, it's just another child, maybe needier or less needy than the rest but not of less value because of that.

Ooh, I resent that book.  I don't think Doris Lessing understood children or the concept of mutual sacrifice.

There is always some question as to whether the child was born that way or became that way because of her perception of him both pre and post-natally. I read it in college 25 or so years ago and didn’t feel like she didn’t understand children. 

[moonflower]

20 minutes ago, scholastica said:

There is always some question as to whether the child was born that way or became that way because of her perception of him both pre and post-natally. I read it in college 25 or so years ago and didn’t feel like she didn’t understand children. 

 

Possibly I was taking it too personally and/or literally.  

[sgo95]

Things my parents haven't approved of but I did anyway: becoming a Christian, not pursuing a graduate/professional degree, getting married at 21, staying at home instead of working, having DD1 at 22, having DD2 at 24, homeschooling my kids, having DD3 at 26, having DS1 at 29 (although this was tempered by their approval of birthing a boy instead of another girl), and finally having DD4 at 33.  They think we're done, but we're probably not...I never tell them I'm pregnant (I live across the country from them).

 

[fairfarmhand]

3 minutes ago, sgo95 said:

Things my parents haven't approved of but I did anyway: becoming a Christian, not pursuing a graduate/professional degree, getting married at 21, staying at home instead of working, having DD1 at 22, having DD2 at 24, homeschooling my kids, having DD3 at 26, having DS1 at 29 (although this was tempered by their approval of birthing a boy instead of another girl), and finally having DD4 at 33.  They think we're done, but we're probably not...I never tell them I'm pregnant (I live across the country from them).

 

So um. Do you just text them a photo of a baby...here’s your new grandchild!!!’😊 congratulations! (Why isn’t there a sarcasm font?)

[sgo95]

3 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

So um. Do you just text them a photo of a baby...here’s your new grandchild!!!’😊 congratulations! (Why isn’t there a sarcasm font?)

😄 Just a quick phone call to say we had a baby [girl/boy].  It's nice to live far away when they're not supportive... 

[rebcoola]

My MIL literally told me my 3rd better be the last.  It made me want a 4th!!  I know its because she won't be able to afford to give presents the way she has for the first 2.  Boohoo  you can't give each kids 40 presents at every holiday/birthday what will you do?!? LOL my family would think we are weird if we have a 4th but wouldn't say anything.

[MercyA]

My family loves babies and was so happy when I finally had one. 🙂 My brother and sister have four each. For a while we joked that every family get-together involved a pregnancy announcement. It was like, "T is pregnant! Awesome! Can you please pass the salt?"  😉 

Babies are a blessing and I think large families are lovely. I'm so sorry to hear that some people's relatives are such a pain. I honestly don't understand people. Why do they care so much what other people do?!?

[moonflower]

I don't get it either.  I think for my mom it was a legitimate concern in a way, or at least an understandable one: her mom had 5 kids very quickly starting at 18 (with my mom, who was the oldest).  She (my grandmother) had been an only child and didn't know how to handle all the kids, and got overwhelmed (and was also, tbh, a pretty selfish person).  One day she ran off with a grad student, taking my mom and the youngest child - my mom was 12 and the youngest was I think 3.  She left 3 boys, ages 10, 8, and 6, behind.  Just left them.  They didn't see her again for the remainder of their childhoods.

So for my mom, having many kids meant danger, heartbreak, overwhelm.  She was pretty traumatized by what happened to her brothers, I think.  She knew intellectually that I wasn't going to run off and abandon my kids and husband, but the feeling was strong.

For the rest of our extended family I have no idea why they care or think they have the right to a voiced opinion other than congratulations.  

[Bambam]

I only have two kids. Our family, our choice. We did not ask for our parent's consent or approval, nor that of any of our other relatives, friends, employers, fellow employees. None of their business. The only two people who got a vote in that decision were me and my husband. 

We live in an area where there are many large families (4+ children). Babies are a gift. Babies are a blessing. I say Congratulations to each family expecting a new baby - regardless of how many children they have, how close together they are, etc. I'm excited for them! A new baby is exciting! 

Sometimes I wonder if the naysayers think the fact someone else is having baby #whatever is a judgment on them for not having more babies? Sorta like some people get all defensive when you tell them you are homeschooling? 

Good luck with coming to peace over potential news breaking. 

[Crimson Wife]

On 3/5/2019 at 10:01 AM, Arctic Mama said:

I’m dreading the responses we will get if/when we have #7.  Because #5 had mild special needs and #6 is fairly significantly impacted, the pressure to be ‘done’ is a lot higher than it was with neurotypical kiddos.

{{{{hugs}}}}

I was dreading the response to our most recent pregnancy so much that I never did a big social media announcement.

[ktgrok]

6 hours ago, Crimson Wife said:

{{{{hugs}}}}

I was dreading the response to our most recent pregnancy so much that I never did a big social media announcement.

Crazy enough, my parents are the ONLY ones that give me a hard time. My friends and extended family are totally supportive. 

[73349]

On 3/5/2019 at 10:36 AM, Selkie said:

There was one instance of this in my family, but it was in the opposite direction - having too few kids. My brother and his wife decided they were content with their one child and weren't going to have any more.

Yup, it happens this way all the time as well. "____________ needs a playmate!" says grandma who lives too far away to babysit, every time she talks to us when child is aged 2 to 8. Believe it or not, Grandma, there are other kids in this town he can play with! [Note that Grandma's first two children were nearly 9 years apart, so...?]

However many kids you can take good care of, go for it! One is the number for me.

[Bluegoat]

My mom, for every one of my four kids, seemed a little put out.

It's funny in a way because of her siblings (she has four) she is the one who had the most kids (three).  And I know she really values having a little larger family.

I think it's because when she grew up, her mom in some ways struggled with her position, for a variety of reasons.  And so for my mom, it's always seemed like a kind of risk, or something that could really happen at the wrong time and maybe disaster could occur.  But getting "oh, no!" for my first child was kind of a drag.

My dad was worried about #3 and 4, and said so.  I kind of expected that though, he suffers from anxiety and it seems to help if he says what is worrying him.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Bluegoat