SKL Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I will delete, so please don't quote. I dated this guy for about 7 months, and I cut it off because he got violent and ugly. But there were so many things wrong with that "relationship" I could write a book. He was a vindictive person, and I am still anonymous on the internet because of him. Well for years, he kept calling me and guilting me when I didn't call back. Every time he called, it was because he wanted something from me - free legal services or a job recommendation. After a while I just ignored all his calls (and every other call from his area code, even though I have a client there). I was afraid of making him mad, but hoped that he would eventually forget me and move on. So today he called twice, left a message, and sent me a text. Just wants to "connect" (of course). I don't know how long it's been, probably at least 5 years since the last time I accidentally answered a call from him and talked to him. He said he was married and happy, but he was a habitual liar, so who knows .... Anyhoo ... I don't want to call him back, but I'm afraid not to. Talk me out of it! Or into it! Or something! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Don't respond. That is all. 39 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Why in the world would you waste a single moment of time on him again? Block his numer and don't respond in any way. Do not get sucked back into his web. Who cares if he is happy or not. Who cares that he wants to connect. If he is happy he shouldn't be trying to connect with old girlfriends. Run baby run. And DO NOT look back again. 38 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 DO NOT RESPOND!! And I just yelled that in my Sensei voice, so there's that. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I think you are about to witness one of those historic moments where we all agree, so brace yourself. :lol: Do not even think about calling him back, and yes, block his number! 44 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Don't call, don't call, don't call... 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Another vote for not responding at all. What good can he possibly bring to your life? 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Block the number. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winterbaby Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Why are you afraid not to? I mean I think I get it... he's a scary guy, you're scared not to comply with his wishes... but if you give him anything, he'll only want more, and that's where the danger lies. Don't do anything to encourage him. It's much easier to keep ignoring him than to give him attention and then try to withdraw it. Once you let him in you won't be able to justify setting boundaries with him so the only solution is to ignore him totally. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Don't do it!!! No!!! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Don't Do It!!! Block his number or get a new unlisted number (though that might complicate your work). If you need to talk to someone IRL, call a domestic violence hotline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I understand being afraid of somebody like that, and if he DOES get violently angry from being ignored, you'll probably find out in follow-up call/text and can deal with it then. Also, everything Winterbaby said - it will be more difficult to withdraw attention. I hope you ignore it and I hope he gets the hint. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) No. Just no. I'm guessing it's a control thing. If you call back, he knows he's in control even this many years after the fact. And that is a slippery slope... (see Ethel Mertz' suggestion re: calling a domestic violence hotline). Edited August 23, 2017 by Stacia 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Add my voice to the chorus of NO votes. I know it might be scary to not respond, but it will be even scarier if you call him back and he wants to get together. It will be a lot harder to say no when you're actually speaking with him. Please don't respond. You and your dds will be much safer if you keep that guy out of your life. I'm so sorry you're worried about this -- I would be worried, too. :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Another vote for not responding and blocking his number! You can do it! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I may run out of likes on this thread alone. I agree 100% with everyone who has posted. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) Why would you call him??? Block his number. ETA: Being still afraid of the guy is a clear sign that your dealings with this person are not healthy for you. Do NOT get sucked in. Edited August 23, 2017 by regentrude 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No and block the number. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Do not respond. Anything you say or write, regardless of the content, any communication from you at all, will be an encouragement to him. Do not deceive yourself that you will say the 'perfect thing' to make him leave you alone. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Hell no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn in FL Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I may run out of likes on this thread alone. I agree 100% with everyone who has posted. Ditto on running out of likes. As genuinely diverse as this board is on so many issues, moments like this reinvigorate my sense of "a sisterhood bond" amongst the boardies. Adding another voice to the chorus... Do Not Respond On Any Level. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Can you think of one single reason to call him? I can't! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Why would you call him if he was violent and vindictive? To get more abuse? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No is a complete sentence. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 NO NO NO NO NO Your curiosity is not worth opening up Pandora's Box. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 I searched his name on the internet to see what he might be up to. Turns out he started a business "group" in which he is the only team member. He has 3 people who he somehow talked into writing un-grammatical recommendations. (Unless he wrote those himself.) His description of his professional background is full of lies. (No surprise.) Sounds like he's unemployed again. I'm guessing he wants me to either write him a recommendation or let him use my name & resume on his site. Ha! NFW. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) I think you already know what you should do. If you have any doubt imagine it's one of your dds asking the question. If you have any further doubts ask yourself whether you want this guy in any remote way in their proximity. Hugs. It sucks that bad people can still mess with is so many years afterwards. Edited August 23, 2017 by Ausmumof3 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 If you were intimate, is there any chance he's calling to inform you of some sort of medical diagnosis you should know about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 It's actually good that he probably wants a recommendation -- better that than wanting to get back together! Hopefully, he is also contacting everyone else he knows and if you ignore him, he won't bother trying to call you again. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 If you were intimate, is there any chance he's calling to inform you of some sort of medical diagnosis you should know about? This was 12 years ago, so I don't think so. :P Besides, he said he wanted to connect, he didn't say he has info I need to know. (Don't give him any ideas....) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 23, 2017 Author Share Posted August 23, 2017 No, I definitely don't want him around my kids. No way no how. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 And the whole site says, "NO!" 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summerreading Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Block, change number, think about getting a restraining order if he finds a way to contact you again. "just to connect" he is "hoovering" a funny term for trying to suck you back in. I have recently found some really helpful YT channels about dealing with narcissists and the psychology their tricks. One is them is called Thrive After Abuse. maybe you could benefit https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkUVh2cwep3jCYwDjE689Wg 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 NONO NO 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Adding to the chorus of "NOOOOO!!!!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No return call. And if he calls you and you BY MISTAKE pick up the phone, tell him that you do not wish to talk to him and that he must not call you anymore. Then write this down in a contemporaneous note. I don't know what the law is where you are, but here we are supposed to tell someone three times; after that, a stalker-based restraining order can be issued. But some places, all it takes is once. But you have to tell him to have it count. That said, you don't have to tell him. It's just IF you pick up and it is him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No. Not at all. I am up to my eyeballs in stuff right now but am taking few precious seconds to join the chorus and say emphatically, unequivocally, NO. Change your number and do not respond. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Add me to the no! column. Given what you've said, I am afraid for you that he's calling and demanding a response. Better to ignore him then run the risk he takes it as a sign to call more often. If he was happily married when you last talked, it's likely that relationship is on the rocks or down the tubes now which is why he's reaching out. Don't respond. Ignore him. Contact a domestic violence hotline if you need more guidance. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No - You knew this was going to be our answer, and needed support to stand strong, so here it is. No Never Not for any reason You are worth more than his abuse and control. Your time is worth more than the effort you've already put into googling someone you dislike. Your child is worth more than anything else in the world, and they deserve to have a mom who is at peace. Don't allow yourself to overthink this. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I find there's a song running through my head that I played for DD21 earlier. I recognized this song even though I haven't heard it in like 12yrs or so :lol: ...and now it's stuck in my head. Also, adding my NO for posterity. :lol: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Nope. You moved on with your life and left that jerk in the dust. Just because he wants something, you are in no way obligated to spend one more second of your time on him. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 This precise moment in time is what boundaries are for. Don't be a chump (ala the Chump Lady)! Why haven't you blocked his # yet? If you don't want to do that (for some good reason), just label his phone # as DO NOT ANSWER. That way you or kids don't accidentally pick up. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No. Just, no. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 (edited) nm Edited September 6, 2017 by lllllll 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Do NOT NOT NOT, under any circumstances, call that guy. He is a disaster waiting to happen. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 No!!!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Is this a test? Seriously, you must be too close to the situation because I'd think it would come as no surprise that your question generated a unanimous Hell No. If you could easily pass on a new phone number to your clients and necessary friends and family, I'd seriously consider ditching the current one. If he plays phone roulette, you may have trouble blocking every number he might call from, best if he doesn't know what number to dial. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry that he is still interfering with your life. And, no, I don't think you should call. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backroadsmom Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I don't often post and have nothing more to add to all the NO's. But, here it is anyway: Of course you should not call him. Afraid to not call him? How about, afraid to call? Because you should be afraid. You want your children to have a mother? Do not call. Do you want peace in your life? Do not call. If he's changed (which he hasn't), so what. If he hasn't changed, so what. You are not his saviour, that would be someone else. And, at the very very least, block the number. But, the smart thing to do is to change your number. The phone company just changed mine a couple of weeks ago within moments of asking. Won't cost anything. If you are in touch with a dope who would give him the number, don't give it to that person. Also, stop wasting your time thinking about such a loser. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 DO NOT RESPOND. If he starts to escalate, keep a log but DO NOT RESPOND. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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