Work around the house

[Laura Corin]

I was chatting with Husband about whether couples mostly shared housework these days or not.  We disagreed. 

 

Here's a situation:

 

Person A works full time; took a walk during the lunch break; since coming home has spent half an hour cooking but otherwise hasn't done any housework.

 

Person B works part time but hasn't done paid work today; has done various light household tasks, plus ferrying children around in the early evening; went swimming in the morning.

 

The house is full of teenaged guests, and the adults offered to let them go off and play while the adults tidied up supper.  Does A tidy, does B tidy or do both tidy?  Does it make a difference what gender each person is?

 

I should note that the disagreement was about our perception of how other couples organise things - there's no disagreement in my own household about chores.

[Amy in NH]

The division of labor in our house is such that person A almost always unloads the dishwasher and does dinner dishes, as well as about half the cooking and most of the yard work, while person B does laundry, all the rest of the housework and shopping.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Amy in NH

[GinaPagnato]

I said B automatically should clean up only because A did the cooking. Gender doesn't play into my vote.

 

In our home DH works FT in a high stress career and I homeschool FT. Since I'm home all day, I'm the one who automatically does the cooking and cleaning in the home, particularly because DH often works later into the evening. DH takes care of all outside chores and anything to do with the cars. This has been our division of labor since having kids, and it seems to work. The only exception is if I have a meeting or am otherwise going out to dinner, in which case I expect that the kitchen will be clean when I return.

[Carrie12345]

I voted both, because of the specific phrasing.  "and the adults offered to let them go off and play while the adults tidied up supper" Plural.  

 

If dh were to tell the kids "Go on, we'll handle it" and then expect me to it by myself... well, there'd be some loud talking!

 

ETA: The teenagers are responsible for evening food/dish clean up on an alternating/rotating schedule of their own making. Girls and boy.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Carrie12345

[MEmama]

I said B automatically because that's closest to how it works in our home. I don't expect DH to do much around the house after a full day at the office; I'd rather he gets a bit of time to relax and to hang out with DS. I can clean a kitchen in my sleep and it doesn't bother me to do so.

 

On the rare occasion I have been working/ out of the house all day or I have something going on after dinner, DH will take care of clean up (or more the case recently, both of them together). He's not help-adverse.

 

When I get a paying job, household management will be more of a shared endeavour. For now I don't mind that it's mostly my domain.

 

(I do agree here that if it was stated that the ADULTS plural will clean up, that both do and one wasn't being recruited to do so on their own)

[Joyofsixreboot]

Here we'd both clean up. We tend to do things together. Whether that is common I don't know.

 

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[Melissa in Australia]

I do most of the inside tasks dh does most oftheoutsidetasks. As we try to live as self sufficient way as possible there is a huge amount of outside tasks. devision of labour is pretty even. I get kids to help with clean up after meals.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Melissa in Australia

[marbel]

I do most of the inside tasks dh does most of the outside tasks. As we try to live as self sufficient lay as possible there is a huge amount of outside talks.devision of labour is pretty even. I get kids to help with clean up after meals.

 

This is us, mostly (well, not the self-sufficient part, lol).  

 

In our house, my husband is A and I am the closest to B.  I don't really work part-time - well, a whopping 2-3 hours a week - but I pretty much run the house, and I am still involved somewhat with the kids.

 

I would generally do the cleaning up simply because overall I work less.  Plus, I am very fast and efficient at getting it done.  However in the scenario in the OP, my husband would probably help out unless/until I told him to stop. Because most likely he would have other tasks to do.

 

I have to say I was a little put off - not in an offended way, more in a perplexed way - by "negotiation" in the poll.  I'm probably picturing something far more complicated and business-like than was meant.   :-)  

[Melissa in Australia]

The negotiation part got me as well. I was picturing a argument or nagging. Something that doesn't happen around clean up in my household

[SparklyUnicorn]

I do most of that stuff.  DH sometimes pitches in.  If I worked a paid job full or part time, I'd expect him to do more because it would be necessary to get it done. 

 

It's not a gender thing to me.  More of a matter of practicality.  I'm here more often to do it.

 

 

[Night Elf]

I voted both based on my own home life. DH works outside the home. I'm a housewife. We still split chores and it's never been a conscious thing such as making a chore list. It's just over the years we've settled into what each of us likes to do or at least doesn't mind doing. I usually have dinner started when he gets home but he finishes it. We both clean up afterwards. He cooks on the weekends and we both clean up afterwards.

[regentrude]

In our home, both adults share tasks when they are both home.

In general, the person who has less work outside the home (which in our family is I) does the larger share of housework overall, but in your scenario, when both people are there, we would both tidy up and take care of necessary tasks together. Whether one person had worked full time or part time or done child related tasks on that particular day would be irrelevant - we don't typically have one spouse sit around and relax while the other works. 

 

Who exercised when and in which way would be completely irrelevant - I don't understand why that is even mentioned.

 

 

 

 

Edited June 2, 2017 by regentrude

[Rachel]

In my home A and B would both tidy and then be able to relax around the same time.

[SKL]

Whatever it takes to get it done.  Unless someone is sick or thoroughly exhausted or legitimately busy with something else, and given a choice between pitching in or watching the other person work, the person should want to pitch in.  Exception being if the other person is so uptight that s/he is happier doing it her/himself.

 

When I was younger, I probably had a "fair / unfair" view on this.  But in my "mature" age, I feel like that's all unnecessary drama.  It's not that big of a deal to spend a few minutes working together or separately toward a comfortable home.

[Garga]

For us, at this very second in time, Person B would probably have more energy than Person A, simply because Person A's job is stressful. Also, I've found that being a master of my own time wears me out less than being a worker under someone else's authority.

 

For example: Let's pretend I could get a job homeschooling according to someone else's schedule. I would feel more stressed out and tired working for someone else than if I stayed home and did the exact same homeschooling all day for myself.

 

I find that the person with the job is more worn out after a day of work than the person without the job. AT THIS TIME. That does NOT count for the person at home with any child under 7 years old. Because then, the child is effectively the "boss." They have too many needs/demands for me to feel in charge of my own life.

 

But once I hit a stage where I no longer had a boss (adult or baby boss), doing the same or more work didn't wear me out as much as when I did have a boss.

 

However, in my house my dh has adhd and he doesn't like to sit still, so even though he's the one with the boss and gets more tired than I do, he hates being still and often leaps up to clean things before I am even done with my last bite of the meal. :). Unless he's playing on his ipad and then he focuses on that and I do the cleaning.

 

What a convoluted post. I have no idea who should do the cleaning up in the above scenario!

Edited June 2, 2017 by Garga

[TheReader]

I said both, automatically, gender doesn't matter. 

 

In our house, the way "after dinner" works is that one of us will put away the left-over food, everyone brings their own dishes from the table to the sink, and the one not putting away the food would put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. 

 

If the dishwasher were full (but not of clean dishes needing to be unloaded) then that person would stack the dishes in the sink, toss anything into the trash or disposal, and set any pans to soak. 

 

If this was being done later after first relaxing and watching TV, which happens often, then whoever finished up first would also go and close the dog doors, lock up, turn outside lights on, etc. 

 

This routine happens every time, if both of us are home. Some Fridays are an exception, if DH plays video games until late with the boys, and I go to bed early, I'll clean up all of it. Or, if I'm not feeling well, he'll do all of it. But mostly, it's shared, and fairly automatic.

 

Other chores are similarly divided....I do all the laundry, but he cleans the bathrooms and floors. I do the general tidying, putting things away, keeping the house looking "neat" and acceptable for visitors; he deep cleans and I cook 90% of the time, and keep the kitchen clean, grocery shop, etc. The teens take care of the yard work (and kids put away their clean laundry). 

 

When I type it out, it sounds like DH does more around here than I do....but in the day-to-day, all the things I do are more or less daily where his are once/week, so it feels equal to us. 

[Laura Corin]

Who exercised when and in which way would be completely irrelevant - I don't understand why that is even mentioned.

 

It wasn't so much in terms of exercise as whether each of them had had some time to use as they pleased over the course of the day.

 

[rainbowmama]

We share housework. I start bedtime immediately after dinner. My husband comes home sometime during bedtime or afterwards. Occasionally, he gets home earlier, but he would be reading in the middle of the bedtime book and he can't nurse the baby anyway, so it just makes sense for him to reheat his dinner and then clean up if he has time. If I have finished bedtime before he's finished cleaning up, then we'll clean up together. If he isn't home by the time I finish bedtime, then I clean everything minus wiping stuff down and sweeping/mopping, which I leave for him since it'd need to be redone after he ate anyway.

[J-rap]

That's hard to say, because it kind of depends on what their day-to-day arrangement is I suppose.  Normally I'd say the one who has had the least busy day (so in this case B) can work a little harder in the evenings.  Maybe A can pitch in a bit so they can get it done more quickly.

[Desert Strawberry]

IME small household tasks fall to the wife, regardless of employment status. While men handle the larger tasks, the little tidies seem to fall on women. Including numerous sahd households.

 

i know this wasn't a gender based question, but i see this as a heavily gender based issue. 

[Arcadia]

The house is full of teenaged guests, and the adults offered to let them go off and play while the adults tidied up supper. Does A tidy, does B tidy or do both tidy? Does it make a difference what gender each person is?

This happens very often when I was growing up due to large extended families. My cousins, same age nephews and I gather at an uncle or aunts home. After eating, the adults sent us off to play because it is not often we (the teens) are free to meet and play.

 

All the adults present would just chip in, bring the dishes to the kitchen, wash the empty dishes and let the host take care of the leftovers. Usually the guys help dry the dishes while the ladies wash but it is more of an assembly line operation than gender specific. The teens would have wash their own plates and utensils as they finished their meal.

 

My FIL doesn't do housework though so my MIL would have been the one cleaning with help from FIL's sisters if they are around. FIL's sisters' husbands do help wash up and dry dishes when asked because sometimes ladies want to chat in the kitchen and shoo their husbands out.

[Guest]

Whoever thinks it should be tidied up right now, balanced against what they WANT to be doing instead at that given time.

 

In my house, I am thinking 900 steps ahead, so if I think the space needs to be cleaned now, it's because I am going to need to use it later. This causes friction with DH because he thinks everything should be cleaned "right now."

 

If DH thinks the space needs to be cleaned right now, it's because he wants it clean right now and isn't thinking about the future. This causes friction because often right after he finishes cleaning, I or the kids come along and boom there's a mess again and that is frustrating. HOWEVER, envisioning a future that include dinner as well as lunch is possible, if you have enough imagination to remember that it happens literally every single day :laugh:

[Pam in CT]

Well, in our house the kids clean up after dinner, with a fairly formal rotation system.

 

I dunno what we'll do when the fledglings fly the nest.  It could get ugly, lol.  I think before kids -- that's reaching back over decades, here -- I mostly cooked and he mostly cleaned, with some degree of debate & resentment about (his) not quite concluding the task to (my) overly-exacting standards.  Yes.... that's ringing a bell.  Sigh.

[ScoutTN]

I chose other for the first question because the info didn't say anything about what each person prefers to do. I am person B in the info, except that in our house, person A doesn't really cook much at all. I don't mind cleaning up, but am happy to rest or do something else if Dh volunteers. Our kitchen is too small for two adults working, so the both options are n/a for my scenario. Nice idea, though and we did do that years ago in another home. 

 

In my house, I often clean up so that Dh can have more time with the kids, since he is gone all day. Before kids I cooked, he cleaned up. On the weekends, when we are usually together most of the time, Dh often offers to clean up. Also when he can tell I've had a wretched day and need to get out of the house and away from everyone. 

 

I am working my kids into the cooking and clean-up duties, but they don't do dinner on a regular basis. 

 

 

Edited June 2, 2017 by ScoutTN

[Bluegoat]

I said gender doesn't matter.

 

I am not sure about what other people do, but I've found/observed that systems for chores seem to work best if there is clear responsibility without having to negotiate it every time.  In our house I usually do kitchen stuff, cooking and cleaning. Dh has other areas he takes care of as a matter of course.

 

Either of us can ask the other "please do this for this period of time" but then it reverts.

 

The couple in the OP could have lots of rules that work - who cooks doesn't clean, say, or it could be one person always has that job, or something else.

 

I find seeing jobs as all up for negotiation each time, or thinking someone should just jump in, usually just isn't as effective, though many try it that way.

[marbel]

In our home, both adults share tasks when they are both home.

In general, the person who has less work outside the home (which in our family is I) does the larger share of housework overall, but in your scenario, when both people are there, we would both tidy up and take care of necessary tasks together. Whether one person had worked full time or part time or done child related tasks on that particular day would be irrelevant - we don't typically have one spouse sit around and relax while the other works. 

 

Who exercised when and in which way would be completely irrelevant - I don't understand why that is even mentioned.

 

That is interesting to me.  I have a completely different perspective, though that's probably because I don't go to a job.  But I'm not sure it would still apply even if I was working.  I don't think we (husband and I) thought this way before kids when I was also working full time.

 

I would love to have my husband feel he can sit down and read after dinner while I do the dishes. He has a hard job and gets very little downtime.  

 

On the other hand, sometimes I have days full of running around, errands, homeschooling (not this last anymore!) and I feel no shame in sitting down to read while he mows the lawn or whatever.   

 

Maybe you don't mean this in as strict a sense as I'm reading into it.  

[Guest]

In my home,both A and B tidy, since there are guests. None of the teens that our sons bring home expect restaurant type service,.and would not depart without cleaning the table off and filling the dishwasher. They would leave pots and pans to us.

 

 

We do have nephews who think they are entitled, and we have not invited them back. In their home, gender matters. Men eat first, and do not clean up after themselves, coffee cup left on table etc.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Heigh Ho

[AmandaVT]

Our kitchen is too small to share the post dinner clean up. I do dishes most nights here as DH doesn't typically get home until a bit after dinner. On Saturdays, I'm in the office all day and DH takes care of dinner and clean up. 

[marbel]

In my home,both A and B tidy, since there are guests. None of the teens that our sons bring home expect restaurant type service,.and would not depart without cleaning the table off and filling the dishwasher. They would leave pots and pans to us.

 

 

We do have nephews who think they are entitled, and we have not invited them back. In their home, gender matters. Men eat first, and do not clean up after themselves, coffee cup left on table etc.

 

Even if the adults told them to go off, and not worry about cleaning up?    

[Bluegoat]

That is interesting to me.  I have a completely different perspective, though that's probably because I don't go to a job.  But I'm not sure it would still apply even if I was working.  I don't think we (husband and I) thought this way before kids when I was also working full time.

 

I would love to have my husband feel he can sit down and read after dinner while I do the dishes. He has a hard job and gets very little downtime.  

 

On the other hand, sometimes I have days full of running around, errands, homeschooling (not this last anymore!) and I feel no shame in sitting down to read while he mows the lawn or whatever.   

 

Maybe you don't mean this in as strict a sense as I'm reading into it.  

 

I am the same.  I often do household stuff if my dh is out doing other things, and he does as well.  I used to feel guilty about it, like I had to jump up and do some work just because he was, but that was the way of crazy.

[Cinder]

I said Other, gender doesn't matter. In our home I tidy up the kitchen always--unless deathly ill--because I like it done a certain way. I'm a sahm and usually make the meals as well. But this was our routine since early in our marriage when we were both working full-time. In a friend's home the dh tidies the kitchen because he likes to. He works full-time and doesn't usually do any meal prep; this is the routine they've established. In SIL's home they take turns cooking and cleaning and often clean the kitchen together.

 

I don't think there's a "should" to assign to either person; they need to come to some kind of agreement based on individual and household needs/preferences. And they need to be flexible enough to help one another when the situation calls for it and not be rigid in only doing "their" job.

[Guest]

Even if the adults told them to go off, and not worry about cleaning up?

Yes. They all get up from the table with plates and flatware in hand, scrape their plates into trash and put plates and flatware in dw. A few go back and grab the glasses, salt and pepper shakers, and serving dishes and the others dispose of paper napkins and stack placemats.food dishes are put on counter, glasses in dw. They thank the cook and express appreciation for the potwasher. That is how they were raised, to be courteous guests.

[marbel]

Yes. They all get up from the table with plates and flatware in hand, scrape their plates into trash and put plates and flatware in dw. A few go back and grab the glasses, salt and pepper shakers, and serving dishes and the others dispose of paper napkins and stack placemats.food dishes are put on counter, glasses in dw. They thank the cook and express appreciation for the potwasher. That is how they were raised, to be courteous guests.

 

Ah.  So they disregard the host telling them not to clean up, and clean up anyway?  That to me is not a courteous guest. A courteous guest does as the host requests.

 

Getting up and automatically starting to help, great.  Asking what to do, very good.  But once the host says "no, you go on and [whatever]; I/we will take care of this" it's time to stop.   

 

I have a strong preference not to have guests working in my house. Unless it's necessary (like, I need to wash some forks for dessert), I want to do the dishes after people have gone. Partly because I want to enjoy my guests while they are there. But also - I have had dirty dishes placed in a dishwasher that had some clean dishes left in it (no time to finish emptying before guests came) so clean dishes got rewashed unnecessarily. I have had things put down the disposal that should have gone in the trash or compost.  Wine glasses have been broken because people put them in the dishwasher, then shut it, snapping the stem.  I know which glasses are too tall and/or fragile. Etc.

 

Thanking the host(s), of course, is always the right thing to do.  

 

(Not related to this, but remembering past threads - I cringe when I read that a good houseguest strips their bed before leaving.  No!  Ask the host what to do.  Many times I have not wanted to deal with dirty sheets right away, and have preferred people leave them.)

Edited June 2, 2017 by marbel

[frogger]

In our home, both adults share tasks when they are both home.

In general, the person who has less work outside the home (which in our family is I) does the larger share of housework overall, but in your scenario, when both people are there, we would both tidy up and take care of necessary tasks together. Whether one person had worked full time or part time or done child related tasks on that particular day would be irrelevant - we don't typically have one spouse sit around and relax while the other works.

 

Who exercised when and in which way would be completely irrelevant - I don't understand why that is even mentioned.

Maybe it was mentioned to show they each had some personal care time. If I'm busy running kids around during the day and want to go for a bike ride in the evening DH would tell me he'll take care of stuff so I can go. I certainly didn't work harder. I may have been reading a book while waiting for someone to finish a music lesson but if I'm serving my children all day or running an errand for him he wants me to have time for my chosen activity also.

[Sarah CB]

I voted both, because of the specific phrasing.  "and the adults offered to let them go off and play while the adults tidied up supper" Plural.  

 

If dh were to tell the kids "Go on, we'll handle it" and then expect me to it by myself... well, there'd be some loud talking!

 

ETA: The teenagers are responsible for evening food/dish clean up on an alternating/rotating schedule of their own making. Girls and boy.

 

I was trying to figure out how to vote because of the issues mentioned here. The teens are responsible for the kitchen every night, so I'd have the same reaction if someone volunteered that "we" would do it but then expected "me" to do it myself.

[Farrar]

I said Other, gender doesn't matter. In our home I tidy up the kitchen always--unless deathly ill--because I like it done a certain way. I'm a sahm and usually make the meals as well. But this was our routine since early in our marriage when we were both working full-time. In a friend's home the dh tidies the kitchen because he likes to. He works full-time and doesn't usually do any meal prep; this is the routine they've established. In SIL's home they take turns cooking and cleaning and often clean the kitchen together.

 

I don't think there's a "should" to assign to either person; they need to come to some kind of agreement based on individual and household needs/preferences. And they need to be flexible enough to help one another when the situation calls for it and not be rigid in only doing "their" job.

 

This was basically my take as well. Dh and I don't think of the household chores that way. We have some things we do together, but many things are just for me to do or him to do unless there's a pretty specific reason - more than anything described in the OP. I am faster at the dishes and better at it and like it done a certain way, so it would be up to me to do it whether I was person A or B. So, for me, the routine would override the situation unless the situation was much more unbalanced than this one - like someone who had clearly been working nonstop and needing help, or someone being sick, or even... I'd just leave them to soak if I wasn't up for it. No big deal.

[SKL]

(Not related to this, but remembering past threads - I cringe when I read that a good houseguest strips their bed before leaving.  No!  Ask the host what to do.  Many times I have not wanted to deal with dirty sheets right away, and have preferred people leave them.)

 

This is news to me.  I have never asked, nor been asked, about the bedsheets at the end of a visit.

[frogger]

I couldn't vote.

 

Dh works most evenings, so supper clean up falls to me or dd19. As dd19 has been out of action the last few weeks, I've been doing it, and I hate it, because I also do the cooking.

 

Why don't dd17 and ds pitch in? Well, because dd17 is excused chores in her final year of study (she's working 10+ hour days, she doesn't need dishes.) And ds? No idea. A bad habit of the baby not pitching in. Which I am too tired by evening time to break.

 

It's hilarious to me, this idea that we are in an equal housework world. While there would be plenty of couple globally who have worked this one out, the overwhelming trend, in any study, is that women still do more housework than the men they are married to. This holds, even when the man is the SAHD.

I think this is true in many cases and depending on where you live will be more or less true but when I looked at these surveys they seldom included stereotypical male tasks such as changing the oil or replacing the whole engine at times. Maybe I looked at the wrong ones. I would have to go find them again. My husband is taking down our ceiling because of freeze/thaw issues. He will then insulate and replace it. These things take huge chunks of time. So if the surveys included those types of things I would be less prone to snort at them.

[Bluegoat]

I think this is true in many cases and depending on where you live will be more or less true but when I looked at these surveys they seldom included stereotypical male tasks such as changing the oil or replacing the whole engine at times. Maybe I looked at the wrong ones. I would have to go find them again. My husband is taking down our ceiling because of freeze/thaw issues. He will then insulate and replace it. These things take huge chunks of time. So if the surveys included those types of things I would be less prone to snort at them.

 

I've wondered about this too.  Strictly speaking, I do most of the official housework, social family networking, and kid stuff.  Dh however does the lawn and snow, all household maintanece, dog related things, computer stuff, anything to do with the car, garbage/recycling, and the bills.  He even fixes the vacuum a lot of the time when I plug it because I can't get it back together again.

 

It suits me fine - I think I have the better end of the deal.

[Guest]

Ah. So they disregard the host telling them not to clean up, and clean up anyway? That to me is not a courteous guest. A courteous guest does as the host requests.

 

Getting up and automatically starting to help, great. Asking what to do, very good. But once the host says "no, you go on and [whatever]; I/we will take care of this" it's time to stop.

 

I have a strong preference not to have guests working in my house. Unless it's necessary (like, I need to wash some forks for dessert), I want to do the dishes after people have gone. Partly because I want to enjoy my guests while they are there. But also - I have had dirty dishes placed in a dishwasher that had some clean dishes left in it (no time to finish emptying before guests came) so clean dishes got rewashed unnecessarily. I have had things put down the disposal that should have gone in the trash or compost. Wine glasses have been broken because people put them in the dishwasher, then shut it, snapping the stem. I know which glasses are too tall and/or fragile. Etc.

 

Thanking the host(s), of course, is always the right thing to do.

 

(Not related to this, but remembering past threads - I cringe when I read that a good houseguest strips their bed before leaving. No! Ask the host what to do. Many times I have not wanted to deal with dirty sheets right away, and have preferred people leave them.)

These are teenagers. No crystal stemware involved. Their parents have expectations. Their parents aren't going to accept that they couldn't take two minutes and scrape their plate and figure out how to load a dw. Same as when my dh says don't remove.your shoes. They take shoes.off anyway because.that is what their parents expect. As a host, its my job to make them comfortable, not to tell them they can ignore their parents, and not to make a mountain out of a molehill.

[Seeking Squirrels]

I said both with negotiation. The negotiation part really is just a ten second exchange. Our kitchen is small so only one can comfortably clean up in there, but generally the dining area has become a mess as well. So when we split chores after dinner, one takes the kitchen, the other takes the table and floor in the dining area. So the exchange would be one of us asking the other "Do you want the kitchen or out here?"  

 

I often prefer the kitchen because I can throw on my headphones to finish the task. Whoever works on the dining area is usually working with the kids and directing them through clean-up of the other main-level living areas. I usually need a tune-out break by that time. 

 

 

 

 

[Alice]

In our house it would go like this: 

 

Person B, "Hey, you cooked, I'll clean up." 

Person A, "No, that's fine. I'll help."

 

And then we would do it together. Gender wouldn't matter here and it wouldn't matter what the other person had done that day unless one of us clearly had a vacation kind of day. Then that person would try and give the other person a break. 

 

In general, we do have some tasks that more typically one of us does. Usually that's just pragmatic. He's a better cook than me but I'm home at the end of the day so I typically cook dinner. He's home with the kids in the morning so he almost always starts laundry and changes the bedsheets on Fridays. Etc. Sometimes it's because one of is truly better at a job or cares more about how it is done. Or we have a particular job we hate and the other one doesn't mind as much. 

 

For most other things, whoever is around when a job needs doing does it. 

 

 

Edited June 3, 2017 by Alice

[Guest]

In the specific situation you posed, I say both automatically, but in our household we do have a specific dinner clean-up chore rotation that the kids do. Even the 20yo falls back to doing her jobs in rotation, just as always. In instances where the kids cannot do their chores, though, both parents fall in and clean up.

 

HOWEVER, overall we follow traditional male/female gender roles for the general household cleaning and maintenance. I do the very large majority of the regular cleaning. DH will do things in a pinch, but he never, ever, ever just notices that something needs to be done. OTOH, I never mow or chop wood for the furnace. So we're even.

 

 

 

Oh wait. No, we're not.

[Audrey]

For this chore, there's no difference.  We both do the dishes and wiping down tables, counters, etc.

 

This holds true for just about any chores in our family.  Everyone does chores.  Everyone pitches in fairly.  There are some chores, though, that people have kind of "claimed" over the years. I'm the only one who does windows, but I am clear that I like it that way.  Only husband takes out the recycling and trash, but he is clear that he likes it that way.  Only son cleans the cats' litter boxes.  I am not sure if he likes it that way, but the cats are very clear that he is the only one who can do it to their liking. :laugh: 

[frogger]

Replacing the whole engine is not a daily task. Many men will never replace an engine or take down a ceiling in their lives.

Work is work whether it is daily or not. I realize you may be wealthy and pay someone to do all household maintenance but our house which is older needs work almost constantly. Oil and tire changes are routine maintenance as is shoveling snow , mowing lawns, unclogging drains, cleaning gutters, etc.

 

If only daily things count then most my house work doesn't count. I only dust maybe twice a month, cleaning out the fridge, heck even laundry isn't done everyday at my house.

 

If you live in an apartment and take the bus to work then yes, you have a lot less work to do as a couple. If you are wealthy you can outsource more which is fine. Many on this board pay someone to come clean the house after all. But the surveys that I remember seeing don't include these tasks.

[Χά�ων]

Here we'd both clean up. We tend to do things together. Whether that is common I don't know.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

That is what happens at our house. It gives us a few minutes of adult only conversation to touch base on important topics.

[Χά�ων]

For this chore, there's no difference. We both do the dishes and wiping down tables, counters, etc.

 

This holds true for just about any chores in our family. Everyone does chores. Everyone pitches in fairly. There are some chores, though, that people have kind of "claimed" over the years. I'm the only one who does windows, but I am clear that I like it that way. Only husband takes out the recycling and trash, but he is clear that he likes it that way. Only son cleans the cats' litter boxes. I am not sure if he likes it that way, but the cats are very clear that he is the only one who can do it to their liking. :laugh:

Can your son come give how to clean out a litter box lessons? The cats do not approve of anyone's effort here. Or maybe we are just not worthy of scooping cat shit.

[Χά�ων]

Replacing the whole engine is not a daily task. Many men will never replace an engine or take down a ceiling in their lives.

I am firmly on team no one should ever take down a ceiling camp. They might discover a dangerous situation caused by a previous owners inexperienced, completely brainless, and potentially deadly DIY work and have to redo everything. Not that I am living that or anything.

[frogger]

I am firmly on team no one should ever take down a ceiling camp. They might discover a dangerous situation caused by a previous owners inexperienced, completely brainless, and potentially deadly DIY work and have to redo everything. Not that I am living that or anything.

Ha ha Yes, we have seen way too many brainless do it your self situations. It is so scary to take off the nice outer layer that keeps you in ignorance of the terror underneath.

[myfunnybunch]

I voted Other. It really depends on the day.

 

Dh is more like person A; I am very much like person B. Usually, dh does the dishes each night with help from the boys, while I fold the day's laundry.

 

In your scenario, since the teens were excused because of guests (this also happens in our home occasionally, teens excused because of guests :) ), it would depend on whether or not I, er, person B had other things to do. Sometimes I help with the meal cleanup if the guys are busy, and sometimes I don't. And sometimes dh is busy and I clean up. There might be negotiation or I might pitch in without being asked or I might go do something else. Just depends on the day. There's not really a "typical" for us in this situation.