Work around the house

[regentrude]

Ah.  So they disregard the host telling them not to clean up, and clean up anyway?  That to me is not a courteous guest. A courteous guest does as the host requests.

 

Getting up and automatically starting to help, great.  Asking what to do, very good.  But once the host says "no, you go on and [whatever]; I/we will take care of this" it's time to stop.   

 

I have a strong preference not to have guests working in my house. Unless it's necessary (like, I need to wash some forks for dessert), I want to do the dishes after people have gone. Partly because I want to enjoy my guests while they are there. But also - I have had dirty dishes placed in a dishwasher that had some clean dishes left in it (no time to finish emptying before guests came) so clean dishes got rewashed unnecessarily. I have had things put down the disposal that should have gone in the trash or compost.  Wine glasses have been broken because people put them in the dishwasher, then shut it, snapping the stem.  I know which glasses are too tall and/or fragile. Etc.

 

Thanking the host(s), of course, is always the right thing to do.  

 

(Not related to this, but remembering past threads - I cringe when I read that a good houseguest strips their bed before leaving.  No!  Ask the host what to do.  Many times I have not wanted to deal with dirty sheets right away, and have preferred people leave them.)

 

I agree. I do not find it efficient to have six people trying to put their individual dishes in the dishwasher. It goes quicker if I just do it, and I get to load it for maximum capacity. I much prefer my guests to leave stuff and let me clean up in a few quick minutes. That way, it is done exactly as I want it, and everything is placed exactly where it belongs.

 

Now, if I am not home and DS has guests, I expect stuff to be put away and don't are how they load the dishwasher - I just don't want to come home to stuff on the table and counters.

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

If our house was like the one in your post then both would automatically start cleaning but I would likely have to direct DH to what I specifically wanted him to do so I don't have to (like take out trash and UNLOAD the dishwasher).  But our house, sadly, isn't like yours.  DH works 12+ hour nights (2 days on week one, 5 days on week 2).  If we eat dinner together he then will either do yard work that is in dire need or work a second job (very, very part time).  So I'm left doing all the cooking/cleaning... luckily I have 4 teenagers to help out. 

[The Girls' Mom]

I didn't vote.

 

Here one person has a disproportional share of work, by far.  One person does it all, or directs teens to help.  Said one person has even been doing it all most of the time while going to school full time and working full time.  Said one person is tired and grumpy.  

 

 

[EMS83]

In theory, I think whoever stays home gets most of the home stuff.  If both work, then make it even and give tasks according to what each person hates doing the least.

 

In our house, in the OP situation, the teens would be tidying.  

In our house, one person works (and because they're a contractor, is never really "off"); the other person does everything else, with the help of conscripted child labor and low enough standards to stay sane.  Working spouse has very little commentary or complaint to offer, but is listened to when it's offered.  Home spouse regularly starts insane projects that make expensive and impractical messes.  Working spouse just shakes their head, but doesn't complain.  It's all good.   :001_wub:

 

Home spouse would really rather that working spouse go to church with the family than help out with fixes and chores, anyway.

[ktgrok]

I said B, with negotiation. What that would look like is person A would likely start cleaning, but person B would shoo them out and do it, since person A cooked. Or before starting that job B would say "hey, I'll take clean up since you cooked."

 

So not arguing, just verbalizing what was happening. And B would clean since A cooked. 

[jrn]

Our house I work out of the house and at the house and cook and clean. Every now and then I lose my temper and dishes are done by someone else for a day or two.

[HTRMom]

My husband works. I have little kids at home. He always does the dishes. We're not in your scenario exactly, but I'd guess he would still do them.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[maize]

I think this is true in many cases and depending on where you live will be more or less true but when I looked at these surveys they seldom included stereotypical male tasks such as changing the oil or replacing the whole engine at times. Maybe I looked at the wrong ones. I would have to go find them again. My husband is taking down our ceiling because of freeze/thaw issues. He will then insulate and replace it. These things take huge chunks of time. So if the surveys included those types of things I would be less prone to snort at them.

So...do you assume that because your husband does this sort of thing that most husbands do?

 

Because mine sure doesn't! Neither did my dad, nor my FIL, nor most of the men I know. Maybe 1 in 10 is a real handyman sort.

 

I know at least as many women who handle household, yard, and vehicle maintenance stuff as I do men.

Edited June 3, 2017 by maize

[MaeFlowers]

I do most of that stuff. DH sometimes pitches in. If I worked a paid job full or part time, I'd expect him to do more because it would be necessary to get it done.

 

It's not a gender thing to me. More of a matter of practicality. I'm here more often to do it.

This is us, too. People probably see us as more traditional because I do 99% of the housework but it isn't for any reason other than it is just what works.

 

I voted other. Everyone has to work out what works best for their household.

[frogger]

So...do you assume that because your husband does this sort of thing that most husbands do?

 

Because mine sure doesn't! Neither did my dad, not my FIL, not most of the men I know. Maybe 1 in 10 is a real handyman sort.

 

I know at least as many women who handle household, yard, and vehicle maintenance stuff as I do men.

 

Maybe reread the first line of my post again. ;)

 

Before I quit to stay home I was a carpenter and though my husband is handling the ceiling I have done a lot of projects around the house but I also know how statistics work and just because some women handle these things doesn't mean most do. Trust me when I say the majority of crews I worked on was male. Work is work regardless so I simply disagree that most surveys are fair.

Edited June 3, 2017 by frogger

[Wheres Toto]

In our household, the person who cooks dinner doesn't have to do the clean-up.  So, dh ALWAYS cooks dinner so I pretty much always do the clean-up.   There are exceptions if I happen to have some other large task to do (like if a kid is sick, or there's extra laundry, or I am sick, or I was working all day, or had a work project to do, etc.) but that is the usual arrangement.

 

ETA:  Our kitchen is too small for two people to be able to do clean-up at the same time with any efficiency.  We'd be bumping into each other constantly, even worse if the dishwasher was open for loading.  Dh cooks so he does put away any leftovers/make decisions about how to pack up leftovers (pack for lunches, freeze for future, leave out for another meal soon).  I do the dishes and clean-up, but I will admit I usually don't do it until the next day while my breakfast is heating up.

 

Dh has removed ceilings.  He built our bedroom walls, he replaced our front door recently (including having to cut a new hole and put in new insulation and sheet rock.  He also does all the outside work including gardening and mowing, although I do help some with gardening.

 

Neither of us feel the need to get up and do work just because the other happens to be doing so at that point in time.  I sit and read while he cooks dinner, he sits and watches tv while I do laundry.  It all works out in the end, so we don't worry about it being "fair" every minute of the day, we work as a team to get done what needs to be done, each of us according to our strengths and abilities.  

 

My ex couldn't stand to see me sitting down if he was doing something, which just made things ridiculous sometimes.

 

 

Edited June 3, 2017 by Where's Toto?

[Audrey]

Can your son come give how to clean out a litter box lessons? The cats do not approve of anyone's effort here. Or maybe we are just not worthy of scooping cat shit.

 

 

Well, they all gather around and inspect his work while he's doing it.  I think one of them is the foreman.  I suspect the calico.