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Having a bad weekend

Garga

By Garga,
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Garga

Garga

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I went out to dinner last night with some old girlfriends, but lately I have grown apart from most of them. I sat there feeling out of place. One woman told us all about how she yells at her daughter, (a suicidal 13-yo with anxiety and ADD) and reenacted the yelling with the snarling face and everything. Another one just shrugged at me and said, "You know I don't like pets," when I mentioned my sadness over a beloved pet I had to have put to sleep a few months ago.

 

Some of them have serious relationship problems with their kids, and they got snarky toward me about my sons as we were heading out to our cars in the parking lot. Paraphrasing, they said, "Garga doesn't have problems with her kids. Let's think of something her kids'll do. Oh, I know! They'll date girls totally wrong for them--drugs addicts!" And they went on making jokes about drug addicted girls coming to my house and saying, "I'm taking your son!" And I'm kicking myself for just looking at them like they were nuts in silence. I should have told them to knock it off. I just didn't know how to respond in the moment.

 

And this morning I attended the funeral of a man I respected and admired. My dh can't handle funerals, so when we were sitting at the church waiting for the funeral to start, he started cracking jokes about the pictures of our friend that were projected on a screen and I burst into tears which has made me headachy all day. I don't want to sit at a funeral for someone I care for and listen to a bunch of jokes.

 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day when we'll spend time with my in-laws who cannot seem to have a conversation without being contrary, while my own mother whom I'd love to spend time with lives 2500 miles away.

 

I don't like this weekend and am feeling low and need a hug. Feel free to commiserate with stories of your own if you'd like so I can stop thinking of my own problems.

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Harriet Vane

Harriet Vane

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Awww, there there.  :grouphug:

 

Your friends sound like bullies. They should rejoice in your awesome son, and they should not be mean to fragile, suicidal 13-year-olds. 

 

And I am very, very sorry for the loss of your pet. 

 

And I am sorry for the loss of your friend. 

 

Can you do something else tomorrow? Have the day to yourself? 

 

Here's another hug.  :grouphug:

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OneStepAtATime

OneStepAtATime

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Oh, that's awful!  Frankly, your friends suck.  Dump 'em.

 

As for your husband, I have friends/relatives/DH that do that.  They make jokes when they are stressed.  I HATE it, but I do understand it is a stress response.  It would still have hurt me deeply if my DH had done that during a funeral, especially someone I cared about.  

 

Huge hugs, Garga.  I'm so sorry you are having such a bad weekend.   :grouphug:

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Garga

Garga

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Over the past two years I've gotten new friends who are a much better match for me. I went out with them to dinner a few weeks ago and it was lovely. They are kind and compassionate and I am so glad I know them. I had been holding on to the old crowd, but you guys are right. They were being bullies and it's time to let them go.

 

I feel a little silly because one of my new friends had some trouble with my old friends. She told me they weren't very nice and I didn't believe her. I was like, "Oh, they're fine. They just don't know you that well." But she was right!

Edited by Garga
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Guest

Guest

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:grouphug:  I'm so sorry. I actually admire your restraint with your friends. I will say I am feeling more and more in a similar situation lately though with some people I know with kids a similar age to my oldest. Completely different type of relationships and expectations between parents and teens than we have in our house......I don't even know how to relate to them and can see it eventually getting where you're at. Because I'm the outsider- the homeschooler. They're the norm, and I'm weird. So it's not just you!! I hope you can hunker down tomorrow with a book or something and stay out of the fray. It's your Mother's Day too!!! 

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Garga

Garga

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:grouphug: I'm so sorry. I actually admire your restraint with your friends. I will say I am feeling more and more in a similar situation lately though with some people I know with kids a similar age to my oldest. Completely different type of relationships and expectations between parents and teens than we have in our house......I don't even know how to relate to them and can see it eventually getting where you're at. Because I'm the outsider- the homeschooler. They're the norm, and I'm weird. So it's not just you!! I hope you can hunker down tomorrow with a book or something and stay out of the fray. It's your Mother's Day too!!!

I've always been different in my parenting compared to most of the rest of the old group. The ones who were most different from me did a lot of eye-rolling at my parenting style. Their kids are all slightly older and it was intimidating. Maybe they all knew something I didn't know?

 

Nope. I'm glad I went my own way on parenting issues. And I'm really glad I pursued friendships with the newer group. If I hadn't, I'd be feeling pretty lonely right now.

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MotherGoose

MotherGoose

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This is minor compared to the sorrows of many, but since Garga mentioned pets, we had to put my beloved dog of 16 years down on Saturday of Mother's Day weekend three years ago. It still brings me to tears even though I have have a wonderful mother and three children.

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Night Elf

Night Elf

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In my opinion, I think those ladies were a little dismayed that they have problems you don't. Some people need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. I'd avoid them and stick to the new crowd you have. You won't be able to change the old crowd, especially because it seems they feed each other. I think you've outgrown them.

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Guest

Guest

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I went out to dinner last night with some old girlfriends, but lately I have grown apart from most of them. I sat there feeling out of place. One woman told us all about how she yells at her daughter, (a suicidal 13-yo with anxiety and ADD) and reenacted the yelling with the snarling face and everything. Another one just shrugged at me and said, "You know I don't like pets," when I mentioned my sadness over a beloved pet I had to have put to sleep a few months ago.

WHAT in the actual heck?! I would be so hurt by this! I swear, I would be tempted to ask, "Well, do you like *me*?! Because it mattered to me!"

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Garga

Garga

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WHAT in the actual heck?! I would be so hurt by this! I swear, I would be tempted to ask, "Well, do you like *me*?! Because it mattered to me!"

Yes! This! I wish I could rewind the past 24 hours and say the things I should have said. But I'm not dramatic or confrontational, so I woudln't really do it. What I'll actually do is back away and be busy the next time they have a get together.

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Garga

Garga

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In my opinion, I think those ladies were a little dismayed that they have problems you don't. Some people need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. I'd avoid them and stick to the new crowd you have. You won't be able to change the old crowd, especially because it seems they feed each other. I think you've outgrown them.

That's some good insight. You're right, I'm thinking.

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Guest

Guest

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I've always been different in my parenting compared to most of the rest of the old group. The ones who were most different from me did a lot of eye-rolling at my parenting style. Their kids are all slightly older and it was intimidating. Maybe they all knew something I didn't know?

 

Nope. I'm glad I went my own way on parenting issues. And I'm really glad I pursued friendships with the newer group. If I hadn't, I'd be feeling pretty lonely right now.

This was the best thing that came out of getting involved in my homeschool co-op - there are other mothers who are much more like me. One of my "old" friends was always saying things, predicting how my kids were bound to grow up to be jerks, presumably so she could feel better about her own kids. (Not that her now-grown kids are jerks per se, just that she was a very unhappy mother in their teen years." She would say things like, "Just accept it - you're screwing up your kids. Every parent screws up the kids." One time she insisted that all parents have a "favorite kid" and anyone who denies having a favorite kid is "lying through their teeth." This statement was the last time I agreed to go to dinner with her and those other ladies. There was just nothing for me there.

 

But when I got to know some homeschoolers, I found other mothers who have high standards, who believe a good relationship with kids is at least possible, who like "kooky" hobbies like canning tomatoes and making pickle relish. 😠I met other women who used cloth diapers and who bring reusable shopping bags with them as a matter of course. Who weren't in a competition for how ragged they can run their kids so they can have an impecable resumé. I just don't jive with moms like that.

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Guest

Guest

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Yes! This! I wish I could rewind the past 24 hours and say the things I should have said. But I'm not dramatic or confrontational, so I woudln't really do it. What I'll actually do is back away and be busy the next time they have a get together.

I know what you mean. I am the same way. I am not quick with a retort. I'm a very tender-hearted person and when other peope aren't, I'm so stunned I do nothing.

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DragonFaerie

DragonFaerie

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I'm so sorry for your losses, but I am glad that you have found new and better friends, so good for you!   :grouphug:

 

I'm ignoring Mother's Day.  I've always hated holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc.  I don't even like celebrating birthdays.  But this year, well.... my mom passed away in December.  My dad passed away almost three years ago, so I'm feeling pretty alone these days.  I'll just ignore Mother's Day.  Tomorrow is a day just like any other.  Carry on. 

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Garga

Garga

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I'm so sorry for your losses, but I am glad that you have found new and better friends, so good for you! :grouphug:

 

I'm ignoring Mother's Day. I've always hated holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc. I don't even like celebrating birthdays. But this year, well.... my mom passed away in December. My dad passed away almost three years ago, so I'm feeling pretty alone these days. I'll just ignore Mother's Day. Tomorrow is a day just like any other. Carry on.

Hugs back at you. :grouphug:

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Garga

Garga

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Hugs. Those friends are NOT friends. I agree, dump 'em. Yuck.

 

I am sorry for the loss of your friend, and that your child wasn't able to be the support that you needed.

It was my dh who was cracking the jokes. When I started crying, so did he, albeit subtly. He was trying to stop the tears with his jokes. I probably should have said that in the OP. His jokes are his way of hiding the hurt and weren't meant to be insensitive, but I wasn't able to deal with his jokes at that time. The both of us were a mess. :)

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Garga

Garga

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This is minor compared to the sorrows of many, but since Garga mentioned pets, we had to put my beloved dog of 16 years down on Saturday of Mother's Day weekend three years ago. It still brings me to tears even though I have have a wonderful mother and three children.

I get it. Those fuzzy little bodies and the sweet eyes. I love animals and miss them when they're gone.

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happypamama

happypamama

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Well, Garga.  I think you should stick with your new group of friends because they appreciate you and love you and think you (and your kids) are awesome. :)

 

I'm offended that your other group of people was so rude.  I mean, I'd say that to anyone who was reporting such comments, because that's just not nice.  But since I know you IRL, I can be offended on your behalf.  I wouldn't worry about your sons dating drug addicts; they're too smart for that, and you have the kind of relationship with them where it doesn't really seem likely that they'll rebel and date drug addicts.

 

I am sorry about both your friend and your pet.  (And that seems like the kind of thing my DH might do in a similar situation, to cover up how sad he was.)  You were there for me so very much the last few months; I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you more.  I hope you're at least able to talk to your mom tomorrow even if you can't be with her and that your DH and kids shower you with love and appreciation.

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lavender's green

lavender's green

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Well...normally when out with friends, I try to understand that people will be people, with all their big messy imperfections...

 

But...

 

You know that saying? Misery loves company? It's true.

 

I agree with others that you've outgrown the old set of friends.

 

As a side note, as a mother of very young children, I am sick to death of people trying to convince me that parenting older kids is hell. I get that it isn't easy. But it's not necessarily hell.

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JustEm

JustEm

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My family and I were sitting down watching Rogue one tonight and my 7 year old kept making loud noises right next to me,the baby was quite happy in my arms but very loud, and my 2 year old kept asking me to watch her do ballet then proceeded to dance around and sing sweetly. I started getting annoyed at their cuteness.

 

Then I thought of you and how you go to the movies by yourself often. I thought about how it would be nice to just sit in a movie theater with you and not be watching a movie at home with my kids. That made me smile and then I was able to enjoy the movie again even with all the noise.

 

I'm sorry you had to listen to that cr*p from your friends and I'm sorry this weekend is tough for you. I hope things are more pleasant tomorrow than you anticipate.

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NorthwestMom

NorthwestMom

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

The older I get, the more alone in a crowd I feel. I totally get it. And when people say very insensitive things to me, unless its overtly racist or cruel, I try to change the subject and then avoid them for the rest of my life.

 

I'm sorry for your losses! 

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happypamama

happypamama

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My family and I were sitting down watching Rogue one tonight and my 7 year old kept making loud noises right next to me,the baby was quite happy in my arms but very loud, and my 2 year old kept asking me to watch her do ballet then proceeded to dance around and sing sweetly. I started getting annoyed at their cuteness.

 

Then I thought of you and how you go to the movies by yourself often. I thought about how it would be nice to just sit in a movie theater with you and not be watching a movie at home with my kids. That made me smile and then I was able to enjoy the movie again even with all the noise.

 

I'm sorry you had to listen to that cr*p from your friends and I'm sorry this weekend is tough for you. I hope things are more pleasant tomorrow than you anticipate.

When she and Creekland were talking about movies in the other thread, I then pictured a WTM get together at the movies.  Haha!

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Anne

Anne

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Garga, I'm with everyone else being offended on your behalf!!  People who talk that way to you are NOT friends!!  I am thankful that you have some new friends who sound much more like *real* friends.

 

And tomorrow??  Can you stay home??  (maybe you're coming down with something...catching....)  :-)

 

Anne

 

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creekland

creekland

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I'm glad to read you have new friends because those old ones?  They aren't friends...  Just sayin'.

 

Every now and then I make a comment on here about how some kids (I know at school) have truly awful parents.  You might have met some of them.  We all make mistakes parenting now and then, but some folks are just downright crappy parents.

 

Best wishes for all to go as well as it can tomorrow.  I hope you can have a bit of a Happy Mother's Day knowing you have great kids who have a great mom (that make others jealous).

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MercyA

MercyA

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Regarding your old group of friends--WTH?!? They behaved horribly towards you. I am so sorry.

 

I hope you are able to have a lovely chat with your mom tomorrow. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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MercyA

MercyA

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This is minor compared to the sorrows of many, but since Garga mentioned pets, we had to put my beloved dog of 16 years down on Saturday of Mother's Day weekend three years ago. It still brings me to tears even though I have have a wonderful mother and three children.

 

I am so sorry. I understand. I still miss my neurotic little Chi-mix. He was a little terror and still the dog of my heart. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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