When were your kids mature enough to stay home alone?

[JumpyTheFrog]

How old were your kids when you began leaving them home alone for up to an hour? How did you decide they were mature enough?

[JumpyTheFrog]

Also, if you had any difficult kids, how did you decide if they were mature enough to be home alone, even if they had maturity issues about attitude and rule following for school work, chores, or general behavior?

[Ethel Mertz]

DS is an only. We left him alone for short periods of time when he was 12. Our state didn't have a minimum age for leaving kids alone, but some states do.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is a bit tricky.  Not the same age for each.  I want to say 12ish for the older kid (but rarely) and 10.5 for the younger kid.  My reasoning being I did not want a 10 year old in charge of anyone, not so much that at 10 my older kid couldn't have managed being home for an hour alone. 

[SKL]

About 7yo-8yo for my kids.  They are not the type to do crazy things; I was more worried about them over-thinking a situation and going to the neighbors for "help," drawing attention to my possibly unpopular parenting decisions.  :)  I didn't have a land line or other way for them to call me from the house.

[gardenmom5]

11 - 13.  depends upon the child, and where we'd be.

 

they had to know how to appropriately answer the phone (no 'they're not here', but 'they can't come to the phone, having a nap, etc.')

aren't going to take advantage of an adult not here to go do something they're not supposed to do.  capable of fixing their own appropriate snack.

eta; they also needed to be old enough to know what to do in an unexpected/potentially-emergency situation.

Edited July 19, 2016 by gardenmom5

[fdrinca]

It depends: where are we going, how long will we be gone, are neighbors home at the time? 

 

I have left DS (newly 9) by himself for short periods, as he was ripping through Harry Potter and couldn't be moved to leave the house. We were always in town, and not gone for more than 90 minutes, except when we were two streets over at a birthday party. 

[Carrie12345]

I think all of my kids were capable of being home alone for an hour by 9/10ish.  Being home alone TOGETHER is a whole other issue!  I still minimize the time my 13yo is home alone with the little boys.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I agree it really depended.  If I were just going to the post office no big deal.  I would not have been willing to leave them home every day to go to a job.  I'm still not willing to do that (one is 14.5 and the other 11), but I have no problem going to the gym for 40ish minutes whenever.  It's up the street.  They know how to use the phone.  I'll run any errand.  DH and I would now be willing to go out on a Friday night.  That sort of thing.

 

 

[frugalmamatx]

Newly 9. DD is well coached in safety, and we have great neighbors that she can go to in an emergency. Plus we both have skype, so she is in frequent contact with me and can show me anything that comes up. She knows to not answer the door unless it is a neighbor {and to check without being seen}, and that if anyone else comes to the door she is to hide in one of several places until they have left. Anything else she is to go out the back door or a back window, and head to the neighbors thru the alley. We have great neighbors and normally one or more of them are home. 

 

She regularly stays home alone for a couple hours by her choice while I go grocery shopping a couple of miles away. I can get home in about 30-45 minutes on city bus in an emergency, and I'm comfortable with that. It gives us both a break from one another - she generally spends her time on blogs or watching netflix. 

 

I did actually leave her home alone at 7, but it was just for a 45 minute round trip run to the store for more meds while she was sick. I wasn't going to drag a sick child out in cold wet weather on a bus for meds. She slept the entire time I was gone. 

[Farrar]

An hour? Around age 7-8. They had plenty of practice before that - staying home for that long with dh asleep (he works nights) and staying home for shorter periods.

[RenaInTexas]

7 & 9 boys. We started with a few minutes and have done as much as 3 hours during the day. I've even dropped them off 4 blocks from home and told them I expect to see them home in 10 minutes. Secret: we - as a family - had regularly walked the neighborhood so I knew they could do it ... it was more so teaching them that they could do it. We also have a home with an alarm system. DH and I started staying at home --all day-- when we were 8/9, so that influences our decision as well.

 

The first time I left them (for 10 minutes) they called me 3 times! 

[MEmama]

6 or 7 for quick errands in town. He would just read. 10 or so for longer errands, an hour or more, just because otherwise he'd get bored and rather go with me. :)

Edited July 20, 2016 by MEmama

[bettyandbob]

8-9. For older ds and dd.

 

Older ds is a difficult personality. However he was thoroughly well versed in handling emergencies. He took it upon himself to learn these things. He also did not want to hVe to ride along when I took dd to her activities.

 

When dd was that age I couldn't trust them to leave at the same time. Too much fighting between them. When they did start being home with out a parent at the same time they had to agree to stay in different parts of the house. I forget when I stopped being concerned they would fight.

[rebcoola]

7-8 and my 7 year old is more in the spirited category.  They had a lot of practice runs being "alone" while DH slept during night shift.  They are allowed to watch netflix while we are gone and relish getting to choose so really don't want to lose the privilege.

[EKS]

11 for the older one and 9 for the younger one.

 

[Julie Smith]

For an hour. With a neighbor close by, and me close by if needed. I think the boys were 6 and 7. 

 

We live next door to a car repair shop that is open during the day, which is when I left them. So if anything happened they just had to step outside and several men where there for assistance. 

 

 

 

Edited July 20, 2016 by Julie Smith

[Maura]

I started leaving our oldest home for 15-20 minutes around the time he turned 9. Now I'll leave our two oldest (10 and 8) home for an hour or two during the day, and have left Ds5 with them a few times. None of the three have any behavior issues. 

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Dd at 10, but only if your 8yo brother was home with her.  Left alone, she was kind of in her own world.  The house might catch fire and she wouldn't notice.  Ds, on the other hand, was always aware of EVERYTHING!  I trusted the two of them together to make good choices.

 

Nothing every happened.  They're 18 and 20 now.  :)

[Joshin]

Older DS was 13. Two reasons for the long wait -- he would have to watch over a younger sibling, and that was the age when he started to show maturity. Previous to this he was the type of kid that instantly burst into tears in the store if we barely walked out of eye shot. Man, has he grown up! At nearly 16, we've left him alone for an entire weekend with no issues.

 

Younger son was 10. He matured emotionally more quickly than his brother, and he was born with that street smart analytical mind that makes him more naturally capable. We did leave them alone for quick errands, like running out to get milk, much younger. For this I'm talking about leaving them alone for an hour or more, and sometimes in the evening so mom and dad could have a night out.

[kiwik]

Here the law is 14 although the law is a bit grey (what is adequate supervision for a 13 year old), I have left ds7 and ds9 home while I have coffee with the neighbour (our houses are joined) or gone a couple of doors down to drop something off. I have also once or twice got one of the adjoining neighbours to watch ds9 while ds7 and i went to the shop for 10 minutes.

Edited July 20, 2016 by kiwik

[ikslo]

9 1/2 - just recently.

[nd293]

Around 9yrs old for ds. Dd was probably about the same. I knew they were ready because we worked our way up to it: can the child behave responsibly when a parent is napping? Do they know how to phone and text? Do they reliably do as asked? Can they be trusted to stick to family rules when no one is watching? If left alone for 10 minutes do they respond to 'check in' texts quickly? Are they mature enough to discuss potential risks (e.g fire, strangers, Mom doesn't arrive back home as expected) without becoming distressed or panicked?

[Rachel]

This is not a simple answer. I left my son once for 15-20 minutes, at his request at 7, nearly 8. I knew both next door neighbors were home and I let a friend know who was down the block. That friend has since moved and the neighbor who is usually home during the day has a job now, so I haven't left him recently.

 

I will leave him and his younger sister while I walk the dog around the block, but we are in a quiet residential area and it's a 5 minute walk. I also let them walk the dog around the block by themselves.

[Rachel]

Around 9yrs old for ds. Dd was probably about the same. I knew they were ready because we worked our way up to it: can the child behave responsibly when a parent is napping? Do they know how to phone and text? Do they reliably do as asked? Can they be trusted to stick to family rules when no one is watching? If left alone for 10 minutes do they respond to 'check in' texts quickly? Are they mature enough to discuss potential risks (e.g fire, strangers, Mom doesn't arrive back home as expected) without becoming distressed or panicked?

I think this is a good guideline.

[lulubelle]

Very mixed at my house.  My son, 13, is a difficult kid!  He is best left alone!  He focuses better when alone anyway and no access to internet devices!  Maybe started it when he was 12 for no more than 2 hours and me not being far away.  My next oldest is super responsible and was able to stay home when he was 10.  My youngest does not like to stay home without me, but from time to time with number 2 for a short time.  We have gone out a few times at night and left a movie going, so they are focused away from each other and we are back before it ends.    

[Guest]

Mine have been 10yo. (Except my special needs son who is 13 and still unable to be left alone.)

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is not a simple answer. I left my son once for 15-20 minutes, at his request at 7, nearly 8. I knew both next door neighbors were home and I let a friend know who was down the block. That friend has since moved and the neighbor who is usually home during the day has a job now, so I haven't left him recently.

 

I will leave him and his younger sister while I walk the dog around the block, but we are in a quiet residential area and it's a 5 minute walk. I also let them walk the dog around the block by themselves.

 

Definitely not a simple answer!  So many factors.  I think probably my kids could have managed sooner, but I don't like worrying.  I can't go somewhere and get something done if I'm worried to death over them.  Now I don't worry. 

 

We also don't have trusted neighbors in the event there is a problem. 

[Laurie4b]

I left three out of four of them home alone at age 9 for brief periods (like an hour). I thought it was important to help their sense of independence and maturity to be trusted like that. They were all responsible kids.  That age is also okay by our state/community standards. I also left them only when there was a reliable neighbor around. 

 

The fourth was probably more like 12 before I left him home alone. He has ADHD and the impulsivity concerned me. 

 

 

[DawnM]

We told the boys 12 but we started at 10 for grocery trips, etc.

 

But youngest has always been more mature so it was tougher for him, even for longer periods of time. Maybe 10???

[MinivanMom]

I have started leaving my kids at home alone for an hour or more at 10 yrs. For me, it was important to know that they were comfortable staying home alone, that they knew what to do in an emergency, and that I could trust them to follow my rules and directions while I was gone. 

 

I wouldn't leave a kid who was afraid to stay home alone, and I wouldn't leave a kid who was generally having problems with behavior and following directions. I would take either of those situations as a sign that the child in question wasn't quite ready yet.

[magnificent_baby]

My oldest two were 10 when I would leave them to run an errand. My youngest, however, will have to demonstrate leaps in maturity before I'll consider leaving him alone at 10. I don't trust his decision making skills at all. 

[fairfarmhand]

My most attitudinous kid did fine staying home alone by age 10 or so.

 

Her compliance in schoolwork and chores and argumentativeness had nothign to do with being responsible enough to not burn down the house. If your kid struggles though with following safety rules and using common sense, they may not be mature enough to do it for awhile.

 

I do think ahead about what they can do while I'm gone.

 

Usually, it's stuff like watchign a movie or playing the wii.

 

My younger kids I prefer them to not play computer.

[lllll]

nm

Edited July 28, 2016 by ~ d9n

[Garga]

All alone? Around late 10 to 11. WIth each other? I would leave the 11 year old with the 9 year old together. But the 9 year old had to wait a bit until he could be left completely alone.

 

The rules were: don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, don't cook on the stove. MIcrowave is ok. Don't go outside to play or hang out. There is a list of numbers to call by the phone. 911 is on top and our address is also listed by the phone because I've heard that people get panicky if they call 911 and forget their own address.

 

I point out which houses they could go to for help (there are 3 of them.).

[Mimm]

I started leaving mine home alone while I ran my husband to work in the mornings. He worked about ten minutes away, so they were alone around 20 minutes each morning. They were around 8 and 10 I think? Having frequent short opportunities to experience being left alone was helpful I think. It was first thing in the morning so they were busy getting breakfast and cleaning up the kitchen and starting up with school.

[J-rap]

I'm pretty sure my kids would have been able to do that easily at around age 10 (very likely younger than that, but I would not have been comfortable!), but since the oldest one would have had four younger siblings to care for at age 10, that would have been too much of a responsibility.  So, it probably wasn't until he was 12 that we felt comfortable leaving them all home for a bit.  By then, we had a 12 year old and an 11 year old, so felt quite comfortable.

 

We were only gone for about an hour though, when we received an emergency call from home.  It was the first time a bat got into our house and it was flying around inside and of course the kids were terrified!  Fortunately we were only about 5 minutes away by car.

[J&JMom]

Oldest was 10 or 11 and youngest 8-9 when started leaving them home alone for a short time. Can't really remember now.  They had distinct rules: 1) do not answer the door and keep it locked including don't let the dog out, 2) no cooking or heating anything in the kitchen, and 3)  stay off the phone.  They know to use the phone and have a contact list of numbers on the fridge. Neither have cell phones atm. We would test them by driving around the block and then ringing the doorbell, etc. and once they could handle it we stayed away longer and longer.   At first, we would check in at hour intervals.  Now at ages 13 and 11, we leave them long enough to grab lunch and a movie and don't bat an eye. We haven't left them alone at night yet. 

Edited July 20, 2016 by J&JMom

[mamiof5]

I know it really varies per child. For us? When oldest is 11-12.

 

So, when our oldest was 12 (now 20) she stayed watching younger siblings (2) and baby if he was napping.

 

Now 2nd oldest is almost 12. She, 10yr old and 8 yr old stay with 2yr old toddler (mostly when he's napping).

 

I'm taking about 1 hr max errand.

 

Kids are very responsible and know rules about door, phone etc

[Carrie12345]

I'm pretty sure my kids would have been able to do that easily at around age 10 (very likely younger than that, but I would not have been comfortable!), but since the oldest one would have had four younger siblings to care for at age 10, that would have been too much of a responsibility.  So, it probably wasn't until he was 12 that we felt comfortable leaving them all home for a bit.  By then, we had a 12 year old and an 11 year old, so felt quite comfortable.

 

We were only gone for about an hour though, when we received an emergency call from home.  It was the first time a bat got into our house and it was flying around inside and of course the kids were terrified!  Fortunately we were only about 5 minutes away by car.

 

Ack!!!

 

See, my 14yo knows that THOSE are the kinds of things that require contact.

My 13yo, otoh, will text me a million times with little tattles and general boredom.  Even when her older siblings are in charge. @@  This is why she serves as back up, not first call!

[Xahm]

Oldest was 10 or 11 and youngest 8-9 when started leaving them home alone for a short time. Can't really remember now. They had distinct rules: 1) do not answer the door and keep it locked including don't let the dog out, 2) no cooking or heating anything in the kitchen, and 3) stay off the phone. They know to use the phone and have a contact list of numbers on the fridge. Neither have cell phones atm. We would test them by driving around the block and then ringing the doorbell, etc. and once they could handle it we stayed away longer and longer.

Whenever I see the "don't answer the door" rule I feel compelled to say that kids should be taught not to open the door, but do make noise or say "no one is interested, please go away." A common tactic of petty criminals is to knock or ring the doorbell before breaking in. They will then offer to rake leaves or mow your yard for a crazy price or ask if you want to donate to a made up charity if you answer, then move on. Letting them think no one is home means you or your kids might be in the house when they break in, and that's a situation that can get dangerous fast. 15 year old thief doesn't really want to hurt anyone, but he might if he's scared, especially if he stole a gun from your down the street neighbor last week.

[AmandaVT]

Older DS was 13. Two reasons for the long wait -- he would have to watch over a younger sibling, and that was the age when he started to show maturity. Previous to this he was the type of kid that instantly burst into tears in the store if we barely walked out of eye shot. Man, has he grown up! At nearly 16, we've left him alone for an entire weekend with no issues.

 

 

This is my kid - If I'm a minute late to piano he's worried that something happened to me or that I forgot him. We got separated in a store once when he was 5 and even though he did exactly what we had practiced if we ever got separated, he was in a panic, even though it was about 20 seconds of not being able to see me. He gets nervous if I walk across the street to chat with our neighbor in their driveway for a few minutes. It'll be a bit before he's comfortable I think. :-) 

[luuknam]

About 7yo-8yo for my kids.  They are not the type to do crazy things; I was more worried about them over-thinking a situation and going to the neighbors for "help," drawing attention to my possibly unpopular parenting decisions.  :)  I didn't have a land line or other way for them to call me from the house.

 

7yo for my oldest, youngest isn't old enough yet. And yes, I've worried about the neighbors (especially the CPS agent who lives in the other half of our duplex, but I don't want to ask him for permission for every parenting decision I make). I'd been leaving the oldest alone for short periods starting at 6yo (e.g. walking youngest to daycare 3 minutes from our house). At first I did leave my cell phone with him to play on, so he could call my wife if there was an issue. He did call her the first time he was alone, just to test it worked, and one more time some other time, but he was fine. Now most of the time he's phoneless. I do hand him the iPad to play on almost every single time I don't hand him my phone, so while he can't call anyone, he could message my wife.

 

Anyway, wrt readiness, it's a process. We started with a small amount of time and then increased it. The longest he's been home alone now is 1 hour and 45 minutes, I think (took youngest to TKD, then realized I should pick up my meds from Target on the way home, or something along those lines). I don't anticipate increasing the max anytime soon - there are plenty of times he'll ask to stay home alone and I'm like, nope, you've got to come with us.

 

Also, he knows my wife's phone number, he knows that if there's a fire to get the hell out of the building (preferably using doors, but if necessary to break a window with a hard object and get out that way - it's a small house with no rooms not facing the outside), call 911 (if he has a phone), to knock on neighbors' doors if there's a fire and yell fire and stuff. He knows to not mess with the stove or w/e while we're gone (and realistically, when I give him my phone or an iPad to play on, every single time I've gotten back he's still been playing on it - kid sitting still playing on electronic device is less likely to create a problem).

 

Which is one of the reasons I'm hesitant to leave both kids home alone together - two kids can create much more dangerous situations than one (at least two boys roughhousing can, especially at the top of the stairs where I've told them not to). Aside from the fact that the youngest is still a little too young for my comfort and the oldest is not old enough to babysit.

[Lolly]

Honestly, one of mine was probably ready at 5. Most of them by 6. All of them by 7. We did start leaving them alone for short periods at around 7. At 8, for slightly longer times. Never had any issues.

[Sarah CB]

First kid was fine alone at ten. Second kid was nearly 13 before I was comfortable leaving him alone - once I left him home alone for 20 minutes while I picked up milk and bread and I came home to a police officer. Ds thought he'd heard something and had called 911.  Third kid was ok alone from 10. Fourth kid was perfectly happy to be left alone for short periods at 9. He's 10 now and is the most responsible one when he's home alone - he'll make a meal, clean up after himself, put himself to bed, etc.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I started leaving my two alone for short periods of time when DS was 10 and DD was 8.  Even though DS was the older child we all knew it was DD who was in charge.  DS was and still can be, easily distracted.  I don't have a child with attitude problems but if I did I'd probably wait awhile longer maybe 12 or so, or when the attitude improved.

[abacus2]

For legal/CPS concern reasons, I would not leave a kid younger than 10 for anything other than walking around the neighborhood. Most of the places I go are about 30 minutes from my house. The first time we left my oldest, she was 11 and dad had a lunch meeting 10 minutes away. I now feel comfortable leaving her for several hours during the day at nearly 13. I have not yet left her with any of her siblings. She could handle it, but I think I would rather she be 14 before she has any babysitting role.

 

Really at this point, the majority of the time, none of my kids need much supervision anymore. But I feel better about things when they have an adult around for when they need one.

[Tita Gidge]

I don't know that I've ever left my kids home alone alone, come to think of it.

 

When my older kids were at the right age, we lived with my parents, brothers, and grandparents. There was always an adult around. I don't even know what age I would say I'd felt comfortable with it, it just wasn't on my radar at all.

 

My middle boys are close in age (four boys, four years apart in age) and spent most of their lives living with me and my brothers. I think they've been left home alone as a group but none of them has ever stayed home as an individual. I'd say there were probably capable of it by the time the eldest of them was 10; easily. They're all older teens now.

 

My youngest is 11 and capable of staying home alone, but she doesn't like to. She's well equipped to handle most emergencies, but doesn't feel confident in her ability to. I told her brothers that she's going to end up living with some of them when she moves out of my home (as a young adult) so to be prepared LOL.

 

I really think a lot of it is a personality thing.

[CanadianAlison+3boys]

Under 10 is at best a gray area (at worst a flat out ticket to an investigation) here with respect to CAS (our version of CPS), so for that reason alone I won't leave any of mine younger than 10. Oldest is going to be 10 next month and we have been having talks about what he is comfortable with and what we are comfortable with. If middle DS was my oldest I would have zero hesitation (he's 7.5 now and would be fine if CAS wasn't an issue), but oldest DS is my worrier to the nth degree, and I won't leave him alone if he's not confident and excited about the prospect. So sometime after his birthday we will start doing short runs but whether that's soon after or not will be up to him mostly.

[scoutingmom]

We have locally had cfs called on people for stupid things.... like a 10yo, 8yo and 6yo playing 'unsupervised' in their own completely fenced yard with the mom inside (checking out the window periodically) -and this creates a permanent file as well as the investigation (pretty complete even for frivolus calls). Society around here says min 12. Our almost 13yo has been home alone a few times, and having now just taken a babysitting course, has now babysat the others.

 

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