Is Mother's day for YOU or is it for your mother, MIL, grandmother,etc?

[Kelly1730]

Dh's mother passed away when he was a teenager so it's only my side of the family for MD. For the last several years, one of my daughter-in-law's has generously hosted all of us for lunch/dinner. She invites my parents, the other five of my children, their spouses and children, my great-aunt who is widowed and even my sister and her family. She's a marvel! I get my mother a hanging basket and I get a potted flower for each of my dil's since they are the mothers of my precious grandchildren:) I don't care if the kids remember to get my anything, truly. I just enjoy being together with all of them, that's my gift. (and, not having to make or clean up dinner;)

[Mrs Mungo]

We don't live local to our moms. We send gifts and/or flowers, cards, etc and we call our moms. But, mostly it is my day.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Total non-event. We are not Hallmark Holiday people.

[shawthorne44]

My mother would like it to be an excuse for us to drive 50 miles to visit them for Mother's Day.  When DD not quite one I didn't particularly mind.  When DD was not quite two we had an argument about it because going over there is stressful.  I think as the mother of THE child, DD's focus should be on Me.  During the argument I pointed out that there was Grandparent's Day.  I knew full-well Mom's wanting us to visit was more about DD than me.  She claimed that Grandparent's Day didn't matter.  We've progressed and last year, we went over the weekend before or the weekend after.  This year, I don't think I am doing even that.  Dad doesn't like to drive here, and when they do he leaves within a couple of hours.  Yet, I am expected to spend days.  It makes me hurt, angry and grumpy.  

[RebeccaS]

I send my mother a card if I remember.  (I did this year!)  Usually, I forget.  Dh and I do not celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day.  I make it about my sisters-in-law, though.  They lost their mother (I never met my mother-in-law as she passed before dh and I met) near the day and so I try to send them something to let them know I'm thinking of them.

[Arcadia]

My parents side of the family has never celebrated Mothers Day or Fathers Day. So no problems there.

My hubby's family celebrate so he and his siblings will split the bill for gifts and lunch for his mum and grandma. For Father's Day, he and his siblings will split the bill for gifts and lunch for his dad. His grandpa has died.

I don't celebrate.

[Joker]

It's my day since we don't live near either of our mothers. We just do church that day, though. I don't like the crowds on Mother's Day so we usually eat out at a place of my choosing on Saturday. They will get me a gift if they know there is something I want, but usually it's just cards and flowers. The best part of  Mother's Day is that they don't let me do any cooking or cleaning!

[PrairieSong]

I would be happy to share this day with my mother and MIL but they're both gone now. My grandmothers and dh's grandmothers have been gone for a long time. My kids usually make me brunch and get me something.

[NoseInABook]

I call my mom and we usually get his mom a card because she's local. Other than that, it's about me and spending time as a family.

[Elisabet1]

My children. It is for my children. Without them, I could not be mom. So, it is all about being mom, which means, doing stuff with them, for them, and so on.

[CadenceSophia]

I don't live near family so I make phone calls and send pictures of the kids... pretty much the same thing I do every day except I try to get everyone on that day. Sometimes my parents have sent me flowers or potted plants which is super sweet. DH will usually take care of breakfast and dishes on Saturday and we try to go out on a date Friday or Saturday of Mother's day weekend. I am sorta attached to MD because my first Mother's Day as a mother was a week after my son was born. It was our first time venturing out of the house with a baby and we went to brunch not even realizing it was MD.  Sweet memory.

[Elisabet1]

This will be my 4th Mother's Day and we've never celebrated it because my mother and his both expect nice gifts and we're so poor there's never any leftover for me.

(((hugs))) Have you considered making gifts for them...like having the kids make gifts, even just artwork..and giving that and leaving it at that?

[myfunnybunch]

All of us who are moms. Me, MIL, my mom.

 

Dh is an only child and MIL lives nearby. We share Mother's Day. Dh and the boys make me breakfast. Every year, they bring it up on a tray, because they want to serve me breakfast in bed. I think it's boring and messy, so I stay in bed until they bring it, then I thank them and drink some coffee in peace, then bring the whole shebang down to the table and we all eat together.

 

After church, we go to MIL's. I drive separately, and after we celebrate her for a while, I go home to call my mom (lives on opposite coast) and take a nap. Or I go to the garden store, or read in the hammock, or whatever I want to do all by myself. Dh brings the boys home and they cook me dinner.

 

Win-win. MIL gets to celebrate surrounded by all of the boys. I get to celebrate a little then I get some time to myself.

 

My youngest sister became a mom for the first time this year. I think I'll send her a little card and celebrate her a little, too. Mother's Day should be a time for all the moms in the family.

 

Cat

 

 

[swellmomma]

typically it ends up being all about my mom and my sister.  No one thinks to remind my kids about it so it's never about me, but they give me a hard time if I don't focus on my mom while listening to my sister drone on and on about all the gifts bestowed upon her.  This year it is about no one.  I am working all day that day.

[Jenny in Florida]

My wonderful MIL is no longer with us, unfortunately. And my own mother is not in my life (by my choice). 

 

With that said, I'm not a big fan of having my family make a fuss about me. I don't especially like my birthday, either. So, truthfully, Mother's Day is kind of a non-issue here.

[Mandylubug]

all about my Mama and MIL. This year, my bday lands on Mother's day as well. The past couple years I have put my foot down with DH and told him I refused to juggle both on one day. So, we always celebrate with his Mom on another day. Mostly, because DH works on Mother's day anyway, so we pick another day when he isn't rushing out the door for work.

[Guest MamaBird]

I try to prepare my heart to see Mother's day as any other day in regard to what I expect for myself. That helps me stay away from expectations of what I might want from the day. And...I want to grow to see it as another opportunity (just like other days) to show love to my mother, mother in law and grandmother. Just a day that reminds me to consider others...especially my mothers! 😊 Most mother's enjoy time connecting with their kids, so maybe carving time out to spend with them might be the best gift. See what your husband thinks. 😊

[Kelly1730]

We will be having our family get-together on Saturday (see previous post about A-mazing daughter-in-law:) and the weather forecast for the weekend looks promising. I think we'll do something quick like Subway after church and then maybe I can get my guys to help me plant flowers. We'll see:)

[Slache]

(((hugs))) Have you considered making gifts for them...like having the kids make gifts, even just artwork..and giving that and leaving it at that?

They both make requests and then complain that they didn't get them until the next giving season. My husband and I actually moved so that we wouldn't live near either of them because they're both so unpleasant. My family loves me though and they find other ways to show appreciation. This whole "I've never had a Mother's Day" thing was a recent realization, and my husband said he's going to take me to my favorite restaurant(Red Lobster) next month, which we haven't been to in years. Thanks though. You're sweet.

[Lizzie in Ma]

It's still about my Mom, or at least she thinks so, lol.

My sisters and I planned a gathering for her this year to combine her birthday and Mother's Day so every single weekend in May won't be taken up, we thought it was a great way to get it all done.  Got an email yesterday saying she didn't want to be alone on Mother's Day and can we do a lunch or dinner.  sigh

[shanvan]

For years it was all about my mom and MIL.  My mom would dictate what she wanted to do, and then we'd go visit MIL and take her out.  On the road all day long, paying homage.  I finally had it and said that I wanted mother's day to be about me while I still had kids at home.  When my kids grow up, I'm not going to demand that it be all about me - it will be their turn.  My mom never had to share when I was a kid - her mom and MIL lived thousands of miles away, they got a call, and it was all about her then too.  I used to make her breakfast and cards and she could do whatever she wanted that day.  If it wasn't my turn now, when would it be?  I'd already let this go on about half the time my kids would be with me before they grew up and moved away.

 

My mom threw a gigantic hissy and tried to make me hugely guilty.  Sorry, not working anymore.  Now Saturday is Mother's Day for mom and MIL.  I go to my mom's, DH goes with the kids to his mom's, and they each get love and thanks.  Then I get to be with DH and kids on mother's day.  I don't care much if a big fuss is made, but at least I'm not running around playing third banana.  If anyone even acknowledged that I was a banana.

This similar to my experience.  I finally had it too.  My MIL is not actively 'mothering any more'.  She is very much uninvolved in our lives.  My mother is very involved and helps me out quite a bit.  My Dh visits his mom on Mother's day with the kids for a few hours so I can have the house to myself and some peace and quiet.  I usually read while longing on the couch.  They make sure the house is vacuumed and straightened so I can relax.  When they come home they make dinner and clean up.  They used to buy me a nice hanging basket for our front entry--something a bit more elaborate and expensive than I would feel comfortable choosing, but this year we are recovering from my Dh's unemployment and money is tight, so they won't be doing that.  I will take my mom somewhere on Saturday, and she spends Sunday with my brothers.  So, each mom gets something out of the weekend.  I do think it is a little ridiculous to have a commercialized holiday ruling the weekend, though.

[Lisbeth]

This will be my 4th Mother's Day and we've never celebrated it because my mother and his both expect nice gifts and we're so poor there's never any leftover for me.

I think that is cr*p. Who cares what they expect? The one actively mothering should get priority IMO. Grrr, sorry, I am mad on your behalf.

[Lisbeth]

It's still about my Mom, or at least she thinks so, lol.

My sisters and I planned a gathering for her this year to combine her birthday and Mother's Day so every single weekend in May won't be taken up, we thought it was a great way to get it all done. Got an email yesterday saying she didn't want to be alone on Mother's Day and can we do a lunch or dinner. sigh

Um, NO is a complete answer. I think these moms of adult children can be so selfish. It should be your turn.

[katilac]

They both make requests and then complain that they didn't get them until the next giving season. My husband and I actually moved so that we wouldn't live near either of them because they're both so unpleasant. My family loves me though and they find other ways to show appreciation. This whole "I've never had a Mother's Day" thing was a recent realization, and my husband said he's going to take me to my favorite restaurant(Red Lobster) next month, which we haven't been to in years. Thanks though. You're sweet.

 

They can complain all day long, that doesn't mean you have to buy the presents they have the nerve to request! 

 

When someone tells me that they have to do thus and so or the person in question will have a fit, I say the same thing I would say if the person was a toddler: So let them have a fit! No one has died from a temper tantrum yet. 

 

And yes, I do have vast experience with a very difficult person who would indeed have fits if things didn't go the right way. I learned that giving in doesn't help. If they went into a tirade over the phone, I hung up. If they started carrying on in person, I left. If they ruined, or threatened to ruin, a special moment for me or another family member, I not only left but sharply curtailed all contact for a long period of time. 

 

Most of these difficult people CAN control themselves; they simply choose not to because no one is forcing them to do so. If the end result is a fractured relationship, then so be it. That's their choice. In my case, once the person realized we were serious, and weren't going to be manipulated or embarrassed into decisions, they backed down enough to have an overall positive relationship (if not an easy one, lol). 

 

I had the bravery to do this once I had kids, and realized that, 1) the behavior was going to cast a long shadow on what should be special moments for MY family, and 2) if they treated me that way, they were going to eventually treat my children that way. 

[G5052]

Our parents are all gone.  I have an aunt that I'll send a card to because she has really been the mother I never had in terms of a relative who was always been there and who loves unconditionally.

 

DH may or may not remember because of his medical issues even if the teens remind him. I've learned to accept that and move on.  Last year his brother called to wish me a happy day, and he was a little shocked that the troops hadn't done anything.  I told him that this is my world, and to not rock the boat when there's no storm :closedeyes: .

 

We're going to a picnic Saturday.  That's my party! 

[DawnM]

My FIL used to tell my MIL, "You aren't my mother" and wouldn't give her anything.  

 

I have told DH in no uncertain terms that I better never hear that out of his mouth.  

[mama mills]

There are two days a year where I count on something ruining our day 1. my birthday and 2. mothers day

I joke with my husband that mothers day is a day for moms to do extra work :tongue_smilie: 

I feel that my family appreciates me enough everyday of the year, so I make sure to call my mom and DH calls his.

[bluemongoose]

Usually it is about my mom.  MIL and DH are not on speaking terms. Gmas have all passed away except a step and she has no children and she lives far away. My bday and Mothers day are only a couple weeks apart, so DH is giving me a very nice bday/mothers day gift at the end of the month. I will be getting pampered all that day. On actual mothers day I will be celebrating my mom.

[kbutton]

They both make requests and then complain that they didn't get them until the next giving season. My husband and I actually moved so that we wouldn't live near either of them because they're both so unpleasant. My family loves me though and they find other ways to show appreciation. This whole "I've never had a Mother's Day" thing was a recent realization, and my husband said he's going to take me to my favorite restaurant(Red Lobster) next month, which we haven't been to in years. Thanks though. You're sweet.

 

I hope you have a blast at Red Lobster!

 

[Jerico]

Not really anyone. I dont care about it. My mom is laid back and honestly just happy to see us. I usually get her a little something. Mil is in another state but if she was closer my answer might be different lol.

[JFSinIL]

Oh, when she was alive it was mostly about MIL.  Now....my turn? Nope - dd turns 18 that day (best Mother's Day gift ever 18 years ago!!!). 

[Guest]

I just sent dd an email to remind her to call her grandmother on Sunday because it was Mother's Day.

 

Oops.

 

< cringe >

 

That probably looks incredibly pathetic to you and I'm sure she'll be telling her therapist and using it as an example of how shamelessly I beg for attention, but honestly, after all these years of reminding boyfriends and dh's and even my own father to call their mothers or send cards, I didn't even think.

 

:laugh:

 

ds1 has been working pretty intense hours so I hope he doesn't know anybody like me. I'd just as soon he forgets.

[Mom in High Heels]

We've not lived near either of our mothers for the past 19 years, so we (read: me) usually just send flowers and make a phone call.  I used to get to sleep in on MD, which is GLORIOUS, and they used to make me b'fast in bed, until I finally requested they stop, as the food was always cold by the time it got to me, and honestly pretty bad to start with.  I also think b'fast in bed is messy.  Now I usually get flowers and a card and lots of extra hugs and kisses.  

Unfortunately, this will be the 3rd (or maybe 4th) year in a row that James Bond will be gone for MD (stupid Army-they do it on purpose!), so once again, it will be just me and the boys, and there will be no sleeping in.  Ah, well.  I usually get a card, but I saw something on Pinterest or maybe FB where instead of cards that get lost, you get a blank journal and each year they draw something, trace their hands, write something, paste pictures or whatever for MD, and then you can keep it.  How neat is that?  I promised Indy I'd pick up a blank journal tomorrow so he can do something and help Han Solo.  I wish I'd seen this years ago, as many of Indy's homemade cards have gotten lost in moves.  :(  I think it will be nice to have year after year in a journal that I can look back through later.

[Tammi K]

There are no grandmas for either dh or me. MIL passed away years ago. My mother is a non-entity in our lives. DH will be out of the country on Sunday and I'm pretty sure my kids have no clue it is even upcoming. So, here at our house, Mother's Day is probably a non-issue this year.  :sleep:

[KRG]

MIL does not speak to us

I took flowers to my mom yesterday. I also see her at least 3x a week.  We live 5 minutes apart.

At our house mother's day is for me. That being said it is very low-key.  They make me a card and usually cook breakfast.  I let them know that I don't want a big fuss and please don't spend lots of $$!!

[I talk to the trees]

Total non-event. We are not Hallmark Holiday people.

 

Same here, except that even though *we* aren't, my mother is. If I don't come up with something tomorrow, she'll almost certainly go into "Eeyore mode." So I guess my answer to the OP is that it is all about my mother.

[a27mom]

I still remember how painful Mother's Day was for me in the many years we were childless. I also see how it can be a very a painful holiday for those who are motherless. So Mother's Day is still a bit bittersweet. I have a sister in law in her late 30's who is single, so I try to be sensitive about making a big deal myself. (She doesn't complain or anything though). I am happy just to be able to b a mom.

 

Blessedly we have very low maintenance mothers and gma. We will all go to dh's 98 y/o gmas home and have easy sandwiches and potato salad etc lunch. There will be 12 of us, my parents, dh parents, dh 2 single sisters, dh's single uncle, and gma. Some of Dh's cousins will drop by between seeing their mothers. It is usually pretty relaxing. The only slightly stressful part is finding a gift for mil ;). (She is only difficult, because she really doesn't want much)

 

Now if it was all about me I would send dh and the girls away and read a all day. :D. Guess it is good it isn't all about me.

 

Oh, I love the blank book idea up thread think I'll do that.

[Sue G in PA]

Only 2 Mother's Days it was truly, almost, about me was in 2001 when my 4th child was born ON Mother's Day and again in 2008 when my 7th child was born ON Mother's Day. And I'm ok with that. ;) This year, child #7 celebrates his 6th birthday on Mother's Day and child #4 celebrates his 13th on Tuesday. I will get out of choosing what to do and how to celebrate by putting the focus on them. I like it that way. :)  As for my Mom, well, typically we visit her and my Dad on Mother's Day but I don't have the emotional energy to do that this year. So…I think we are spending Mother's Day in church and then in the Lego Store and hopefully I'll get some Coldstone out of the deal. :)

[ScoutTN]

Mostly for my Mom, then for me, then for my MIL.  DH isn't super motivated on gift giving and making special days a big deal, but my kids are excellent about it! 

[shawthorne44]

My FIL used to tell my MIL, "You aren't my mother" and wouldn't give her anything.  

 

I have told DH in no uncertain terms that I better never hear that out of his mouth.  

 

For me, I agree with your FIL.  I expect my husband to assist, but I think it is a child to mother occasion.

I also find it weird to get anniversary cards from anyone but my DH.  

[Guest]

Well, whatever our obligations, responsibilities, and traditions may be, the second Sunday in May is not really about chocolates and flowers and greeting cards anyway, it's about taking back our power as mothers and trying to find a better way for our nations to resolve conflict than sending our sons off to kill each other:

 

http://www.peace.ca/mothersdayproclamation.htm

 

 

[redsquirrel]

I specifically downplay mother's day with my kids and dh to the extreme. I don't like a day where they are 'supposed' to do anything. I know they love me and I don't need them to feel like they have to give me anything etc to 'prove' it. If I could avoid it altogether I would.

 

It is important to my mom so I always send a gift and I call her. This year I got her a DVD set of a TV show from the 1970s that she loved. I hope she likes it. DH will call his mom when I remind him. She's not my responsibility so I don't worry about that.

[Ottakee]

Ends up we will have MIL and my mother here for lunch along with my brother, SIL and their 3 kids.  Just burgers and hot dogs on the grill.  Super simple.  Haven't bought a gift yet but maybe we need to.  I am just not a big gift giver.

[Word Nerd]

We don't make a big deal about it--for me or MIL or my mom. I'm not a fan of the guilt-trip holidays where people are compelled to show their love by buying stuff. I'm not a grinch. I just bristle at the commercialism.

[8circles]

Used to be about me but I don't like being celebrated (on my birthday either) so I always downplay it. The boys usually buy me a hanging basket and maybe a homemade card.

 

I used to send flowers and make the phone call and coordinate gifts from the kids to both my mom and MIL but this will be the 2nd year in a row that I'm not on speaking terms with my mother. So we'll call my MIL and dh may or may not hav the kids call my mom. I do still do a gift for each from the boys.

 

But my mom sucks. So I'm kind-of in mourning and wish mother's day would just go away.

[rocassie]

I'm okay with sharing but I really feel like the mother who is currently in the trenches (i.e. currently raising the little(and older) ones and trying to maintain a home with said children should take priority.  I'm all for honoring my MIL and Mother with a card and phone cal but I think the focus should change once they have graduated to grandmotherhood.

 

 

 

 

[Mommyof4ks]

We usually all get together, but this year ds is celebrating his birthday today, so we made grandmas mad and celebrated him. :)

[Guest]

I'd love to see the focus shift off of grandmothers and back on to mothers where it belongs. I'll have to remember to spoil dil rotten just as soon as ds meets her and marries her. ;)

 

Mom didn't like my present or want to talk on the phone, which put me in such a rotten mood that I had trouble caring about ANYTHING my kids could have done for me, so that would have put ds in such a funk that he wouldn't even have wanted to get dil a card if she already existed.

 

Anyway, he gave me a dozen gorgeous pink roses and  box of Russel Stover chocolates! Yes, this kid really exists, and no, your dd can't date him unless she's 100% committed to homeschooling her kids and has a realistic idea of the challenges a Military Wife and/or Law Enforcement Officer's Wife is going to have in life.

[Susan in TN]

It's for me. We do call my mom & MIL and send them something nice (this year, chocolate covered strawberries). But the both live quite far away, so it's me who gets the love. And I really do. My kids are so loving towards me even though I am sometimes cranky and unjustly harsh with them. It makes me want to be a better mom.