Interested in how adult men relate to sibling(s) now that they no longer live together. To which of your husband's siblings would HE say he's closest?

[AnnaBeth]

I'm curious about what adult male relationships to siblings looks like.  What's "normal"?   My husband has one sister 3 years older and they never communicate (and she lives 30 minutes away).  (and there's no strife/fighting between them).   I think it's so strange as I talk to my 2 sisters probably two or three times a week each.    I'm curious if how he relates to siblings (now that they're obviously grown/no longer in same home) is typical of other men?   To which of your husband's siblings would HE say he's closest and WHY?   How near in age is he to this sibling?  Or, why does he NOT communicate regularly with a sibling?   In short....please tell me about your husband/partner's relationships with his siblings and what factors you feel contribute to that dynamic?   Also...please give the ages of he as compared to the sibling(s).

 

 

THANKS!

 

[Heidi]

My dh never calls his siblings, except his twin. They are in similar jobs, so that's what/why they chat. If it weren't for the job, they probably wouldn't talk much. Dh has a sister that calls him often when she is feeling depressed. He can't stand her depressing personality, but he loves her of course, so he answers the phone.

 

ETA: he has 3 brothers and 2 sisters

[carriede]

I don't think his "issue" is a guy thing.

 

My DH is fairly close to his siblings. They don't talk on the phone a LOT, but once every 1-2 months. We're also all on Facebook. DH has a sister 2 years older and a brother 5 years younger. We visit back and forth 4+ times a year, and we live 5 hours away. If we were closer, I'm sure we'd see them much more often.

 

On the other hand, I am NOT close with MY siblings. They're all nice people and we get along well... There's just no real relationship. We visit 1-2 times a year, rarely talk on the phone. Also 5-6 hours away. I have Bro +7 years, Bro +3 years, Bro -7 years, and Sis -11 years.

[Onceuponatime]

My husband has one sibling, his sister, who lives 1,000 miles away. She is 7 years older than him. He sends her birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas cards, and writes newsy letters a couple of times a year. He calls her once or twice a year, but he rarely gets a live person on the other end. He does things like this for all his old, close friends, but I know he is certainly not typical. He is more sentimental about the past than most men. He does not get the same treatment in return, most of the time, but he doesn't care.

 

My brothers rarely contact me, but our relationship is not strainedat all. We are 3 and 6 years apart and live about 400 miles apart.  I talk to their wives more. It's more like we just live our own lives and when we do get together everything is great. None of us are chatty people.

[Crimson Wife]

DH has two younger siblings, a sister 3 years younger and a brother 12 years younger.

 

BIL and SIL are very close to each other, both geographically and emotionally. They have similar interests and go on double-dates all the time with SIL's husband and BIL's fiancee.

 

DH has very little in common with his siblings and we live on the opposite coast. He sees them maybe once per year and doesn't really talk to them on the phone unless there's a specific reason. He never just calls to chat and vice versa. It's not that he dislikes his siblings but if he had met them as adults rather than being related to them, I don't think they would've become friends.

 

DH is actually much closer to one of his first cousins. The cousin works in the finance industry like DH, did a master's at the London School of Economics, and in general just has a lot more in common with DH.

[LostSurprise]

DH has a sister 4 years older. They talk on the phone at least once a week (it was much more when we married), often more. DH also calls his parents a few times a week (it was almost daily when we married). 

 

I would say he had a good relationship with both, although not deep relationships. 

 

I, on the other hand, feel close to my siblings but I never call them. I will sometimes chat late at night to one of my brothers on Facebook. None of us is phone people (except maybe my sister). When we do get together we all stand around talking into the early hours because we enjoy being together, but in our regular lives we don't intersect much. I'm the oldest and there's a year between me and my brother, then a year between him and my sister. My youngest brother is 4 years younger then her. 

[PeachyDoodle]

DH's brother is 3.5 years older. They talk on the phone or FaceTime at least 2-3 times/week. BIL used to live out of state; now he lives about 45 minutes away. DH sees him a couple of times a month. Used to be a little less when he was further away, but they would always see each other when BIL was in town. He doesn't have kids and their parents are here, so BIL always came here instead of DH going there. They often make plans to watch a ballgame or just hang out and talk. I would describe them as quite close.

 

However, it is definitely close in a different way from my sister and me. She lives 6 hours away and we talk probably less than DH and BIL. But when we do talk, it's about deeper things, such as relationship issues, things that have upset us or made us really happy, etc. Whereas DH and BIL tend to talk more about their favorite teams or something funny they saw on TV. It sounds more like what I would call chit-chat, BUT it is their way of bonding. It works for them.

[J-rap]

My husband has 6 siblings, and because they mostly live within 150 miles and we seem to have family gatherings fairly often, they don't talk on the phone or keep up much contact in-between.  On the other hand, he isn't SUPER close to any of them.  My brother and I were very close growing up, three years apart.  As we got involved with our own young families it was just hard to find the time to keep up (and we always lived in different part of the country or state), although we always loved being together at family gatherings.  Now that our kids are all older and we have both had some major, difficult changes in our lives, we are there for each other.  We'll text each other, email, and talk when we can.

 

Sometimes I feel a little sad thinking about how close all of our children are and have been while growing up, and yet I know that their lives will probably take them all in different directions and places, and it will be difficult to be close in the same way anymore.  For now though, even though my five children live in three different countries, they are all in contact with each other several times/week, and they try really hard to keep up with each other's lives.  They are still each other's best friends (including the two spouses in the mix now!) and trust each other's opinions more than anyone else's.

[MinivanMom]

Dh has two older sisters and a younger brother. Dh would say that he's close to his brother; they talk on the phone maybe once per week, but dh does the calling the majority of the time. He isn't close to his sisters. One sister he has a civil relationship with and they talk about once per month, but he does the majority of the calling. The other sister he only talks to once or twice a year, and it is always dh calling her. Their relationship is somewhat strained due to meddling and gossip from mil.

 

I think it's sad, because dh always describes his family growing up as very close, happy, and loving. Unfortunately, their parents are very controlling and didn't handle the transition to adulthood very well. As a result all of the siblings are scattered across the country, because they each tried to move as far away from their parents as possible. Mil has also taken a "divide and conquer" approach to trying to control them, so there was a lot of setting the siblings against each other about a decade ago. I don't understand why they haven't tried harder to maintain their relationships outside of the situation with their parents, and I hate to see dh put so much effort in and get so little back. It's so strange to me that he puts in all the effort with his sisters. The sisters are close to each other, but won't make any effort with him. They would prefer to just get (gossipy, false) updates from mil about us and call it good. They just don't seem to care about having a direct relationship with him.

[Anne in CA]

My dh had six half siblings. His youngest sister passed away a few years ago. He texts the remaining ones or emails them to share news, but he doesn't call them and they don't call him. Dh's father and step mother behaved very poorly to him in his youth and although they have both apologized and dh and has forgiven them his siblings did not grow close to him because he would not see his father's family when he was a teen. It is sad, but it is evidently not going to change.

[Jerico]

1 brother 18 months older. They rarely talk. My hubby called his bro to wish him a happy bday in september, his brother just called back last week.

 

I have 1 sister 2 1/2 years younger. We occasionally text but rarely talk. Both of out siblings are single an just very busy with their jobs and lives (and probably their tv shows)

[HRAAB]

My dh has 8 brothers and 4 sisters.  5 of them live locally, the others live in the same part of the country.  He rarely talks to any of them on the phone - only if there is a specific question or plans are being made for some get together.  Often they run into each other at their mom's house (1 sister lives with mom).  One year the oldest brother made a point of calling each sibling on their birthday.  The 4th of July and Thanksgiving are big family events with everyone (if they can make it) showing up.  They usually try to make it for weddings (nieces and nephews).  Other than those type of occasions, dh doesn't see his siblings much.  Sometimes one brother will ask the other brothers to come help with some big building project or such, but normally he only sees them on planned family events or at his mom's house.  

 

None of that means they aren't close.  From my experience, they are a very close family.  There is no strife between any of the siblings; they all get along well together.  They have busy lives of their own, and I don't think any of them are really the type to just talk on the phone - even the sisters. Even though they don't see each other often, they always seem to know how other members are doing through the grapevine.  Life is just busy - not saying that's a good thing, just the way it is.

 

 

[happypamama]

My DH has one sibling, a sister six years younger, and he talks to her on the phone maybe twice a year, if that.  She usually calls him on his birthday.  He sees her maybe once a year, usually when we're all at his parents' for Thanksgiving.  They get along fine, no animosity; they just tend to be introverted and don't talk much.  We'd get together with them more often if we lived closer together.  I see his sister on FB and occasionally trade comments with her.

 

I chat with my sister once a week or so, sometimes more, sometimes less, via FB, but we don't actually talk very often -- different life stages, different schedules.  We'll chat via FB if our DH's are out/busy.  We're 9 years apart, though; she's a newlywed, and I'm an old married mom of several, so we don't have a ton in common, but we enjoy chatting, swapping recipes, stuff like that.  We chatted a lot more in the past few months, because she was planning her wedding, and she would bounce ideas off of me.  I don't talk to my brothers or their wives on the phone either; one brother usually calls me on my birthday, but that's about it.  Again, we don't live close to any of them, so we only see them once, maybe twice, a year, but it's a good time when we are together.

 

I have to admit that DH and I tend to be extreme introverts.  We just don't do a lot of "hey, how ya doing?" sort of chatting.  I also don't hear that all well on the phone, so the only people I talk to very often are my mom and my MIL.

[Spryte]

DH has 2 siblings - both very long distance, in opposite directions.  He calls both every month or so, sometimes more or less.  They get along well.  I would say they are equally close, but in different ways.  One is 2 years younger, one is 12.  No major issues, this is just the way they work.  

 

I have one brother, who never, never calls.  I text or call him every 6 - 8 weeks or so, and may or may not get a response.  We send holiday gifts, and that's about it.  I haven't seen him in several years, and miss him.  :(  He is not a phone guy (none of the guys in my family of origin are), and the only way to communicate by phone with him (indirectly) is to talk to SIL, and while she's nice enough, it's not the same and invariably leads to strife.  So I've settled for texting my bro now and then, and being happy if I get any response.  FWIW, I think he may have Asperger's, though never diagnosed, so he's probably not a good measuring stick for typical adult male family relationships.

[maize]

My husband doesn't communicate a lot with his siblings in generall, though he cares deeply for them. When one brother was going through a rough time dh did call him every night. Otherwise he doesn't tend to call a sibling unless he has something particular to arrange, I think he just doesn't see talking (or other communication) as a way of staying connected as important.

 

My own brothers mostly interact with siblings via email or Facebook, we have a private Facebook group for the family and they will post pictures, videos, etc. I have one older brother who will occasnally call, and in general if I initiate a call they are happy to talk. I talk on the phone more with my sisters than my brothers.

[Amy in NH]

I talk to my two-year-younger sister about once per week.

 

DH talks to his six-year-older sister about every other month, and his three-year-older brother about once per year.

[Erin]

My family has never been much of the talk-on-the-phone types.  Consequently, my brother and I rarely talk except at holidays when we're both home. But now and again, something will come up where I need his opinion or he's picking my brain or whatever and we'll have a fairly good talk.
 (For example, when I was trying to figure out what to do with Buck and his ADD, my brother the Google engineer with ADD was, of course, my first call!  We talked for hours.  Haven't done that in years...)  I chat with my SIL on facebook fairly often.  

 

 

My husband is the middle child between two sisters.  He almost never calls them, but they will call him about once every month or two...  And they'll talk for quite a while.

[Dory]

My dh talks to his one brother about one a week or sometimes every other week. It's pretty casual but they talk often. My one older brother (2 1/2 years between us) calls me about once a month and I call him about the same and my two younger brothers both call me almost once a week (9years between us). I know that the brothers who call me also call each other fairly regularly to keep on touch. My other older brother doesn't call me much (4 years between), but he sees me fairly regularly. he does still call cousins and brothers now and then though, although not as often as the other three.

 

I do think that women are more prone than men to call regularly, but not calling at all is not just a guy thing.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I'm not sure that it's always gender-specific, given the wide variation in the "family crucible" in which any given set of sibs grows up.

 

I'm estranged from my sister (2 years my junior), and we were not close at all growing up, especially starting in adolescence.  But then, ours was an emotionally abusive house, and I'm the one who escaped, as it were.  She was psychologically torpedoed, and still lives, jobless, with my mother.

 

My cousins (1 boy, 2 girls, about ten years behind me), OTOH are quite close as a family with their mom (my aunt), and now that the next generation is having kids, they seem to be building a supportive clan around the new grandma.

 

It depends.

[gardenmom5]

dh has regular contact with both of his sisters.  regular as in several times a month.  1 1/2 yrs older, and 4 years younger. he probably has a better relationship with his younger sister, based upon personality. prior to his brother's (2 years younger) death, he had occasional contact with him. (phone calls a few times a year.  maybe. and he stayed for several days at thanksgiving.)  but his brother was an untreated schizophrenic who lived in a flop house.  (re: one step up from homeless.)

there are jokes about they have a good relationship because they've bonded against a common enemy.  mil is nuts. (makes for great stories.) 

 

I have severed ties with my brother (I adored him when I was a young child).  my sister also has little/no contact with him (when he wants something), his adult daughter has no voluntary contact with him.

[ThelmaLou]

My husband has two older brothers and one younger sister. They're all on good terms, at least outwardly. I know there are some grudges and resentments undergirding some of the relationships, but they all have a good time with one another at holidays, birthdays, etc..

 

My husband is the youngest of the 3 boys. He's very close to his next older brother, but both of them have a hard really bonding with their oldest brother. Their personalities are just very different. They do make an effort, though. They all went to Colorado together for a week or so last year and had a good time.

 

Sometimes it seems to my husband that they all had "different parents." Their memories about the same situations or takeaways from childhood vary widely. My husband feel like he had the best parents in the world. The others have some hangups that often get blamed on their parents. Not that they don't still love and respect them, but they feel somehow "scarred" by some childhood events that seem kinda benign to us. Of course we're not in their shoes.

 

One point of contention is that my mother-in-law and my husband's sister are kinda co-dependent. Since my father-in-law passed away over 20 years ago, my MIL and SIL kinda run the show when it comes to family gatherings, etc.... My SIL's children clearly take priority over her brother's children in the eyes of my MIL. Everyone knows it. It's just how it goes. No one begrudges the special relationship between a mother and daughter, but often it's  clear that she just plays favorites.

 

My MIL truly is a wonderful, generous, loving person. My SIL is not difficult to get along with, either. It's just kind of a weird dynamic.

 

I have one brother who's 6 years older than me.  He's a really great guy. We don't have any issues between us, but we're not exactly close. I enjoy being around his family. He's got great kids, a really sweet wife, and he has a hilarious sense of humor. He's a man of integrity, very wise, very stable, kind, much like my dad. For some reason, we only cross paths on obligatory birthdays and holdidays, so probably see them about once every month or two. We've been on a couple of trips together with our parents and had fun. We really have quite a bit in common...religiously/doctrinally, politically, child rearing, etc... I don't know why we don't ever pick up the phone to just get together and hang out, or see how the other one's doing. We just don't. I often wonder how things will change when our parents (who live with us because of poor health) pass away. I mean, he'll be my only living nuclear relative. I would like to stay in touch fairly regularly. I do interact with my SIL and niece and nephew on FB pretty often, so we do see a snippet of what's going on in their lives. For example, I'd have never know my SIL had fallen and had to get stitches in her head if I hadn't seen it on FB. So, I called to see how things went and whether she needed anything. They also kept our youngest three boys for us a few weeks ago so we could go on a weekend 20th anniversary date. Anyhow, I would say, functional, pleasant, and even enjoyable, just not particularly close.

 

[Garga]

My dh and his brother have never called each other in the 21 years we've been married. Wait...they may have called each other about 3 times and it was for something practical, probably for a car part since BIL works at a junk yard.

 

They are not mad at each other. They just have nothing in common. Nothing. They are 5 years apart in age. My DH is an intellectual who works at a college and spends his weekends watching Sci-fi. BIL is a tattooed junk yard worker who gets drunk in bars on the weekends.

 

Neither man is wrong or bad, just very, very different.

[Farrar]

I agree that it's hard to make generalizations.  Some families are the Bravermans.  And some aren't.  And I'm not sure how much gender of the siblings has to do with it.

 

Dh gets along with and loves his sister.  We love her kids and her husband.  But she doesn't live nearby and is very different - dh is kind of a quirky intellectual.  Sil is more of a practical doer.  They were terrible to each other as kids.  She was kind of a popular girl and he was a complete dork.  Now they're fine, but I wouldn't call them close.

[KrissiK]

My dh is on very good terms with his siblings. He has 3 brothers and a sister, all within a reasonable (1-2 year) gap between each succeeding sib. He rarely talks to them outside family events, unless he has a specific question. Then he'll call them and chat for quite a while. Don't know why this is.

[Pawz4me]

My DH is on great terms with his siblings, but he rarely talks to them on the phone.  They all call each other on their birthdays, but other than that it's usually only a family emergency that will get them to pick up the phone and call each other.  He and his sister (four years younger than DH) do e-mail every week or two, and they'll get their brother (four years older than DH) in on the e-mails if warranted.  MIL pretty much acts as the communication hub.  We all see or talk to her regularly, and she keeps us all up to date on what everybody else is doing.

 

FWIW, I rarely call/text/e-mail my brother unless there's something specific we need to discuss.  I'm in contact with my SIL (his wife) all the time, though.  We're best friends.

[lavender's green]

My DH is on good terms with his sister, 3 years his junior, but they only see each other once or twice a year, and don't call except for major life events.  Once in a while his parents will pass the phone off to her if she's in the room when DH calls them (she lives with them), but neither really initiates things very often. 

 

Part of this is distance: I think if we lived closer we'd get together with her and her husband a lot more often.  Another is personality.  If they'd met as adults they simply wouldn't have much in common and not keep the relationship up.  Finally, there's just DH's personality.  When he senses that a stage of life has passed, he doesn't do much to keep things going. 

[Guest]

I am the only girl with three brothers.  One is 2 1/2 yrs older than me, and the other two are 11 and 12 years younger.  My older brother is hard to get along with, and is one of those that you never know when he is going to fly off the handle for no reason.  For that reason, I have a hard time talking with him for much more than a few words on IM or text.  

 

The second to youngest brother is the one I am closest to.  I took care of my younger brothers a lot when they were little, so I have always been close to them.  He and I talk at least a couple times a week through texts, and at least once every couple of weeks on the phone.  

 

My youngest brother and I have always gotten along well too.  But he was deployed a few years ago, and since he came back, he hasn't been the chatty person that he used to be.  Between work and his farm, he doesn't have much time to talk, but will always answer me when I call or text.  

 

Whether we go a week or a month without talking, I do know that any of my brothers would do whatever they could if I needed help.  The fact that we moved 1500 miles from them has something to do with it.  When we lived in the same area, I saw the younger two at least once or twice a week.  We are really really trying to get moved back to where I grew up, and I hope that we can have a closer relationship again.  

[mommymilkies]

My (some newly) adult brothers never contact me.  It makes me sad.  No falling out, they just don't even think about it, I think.

 

Dh talks to his younger sister once in awhile on the phone and they hang out when we go to town. He only talks to his older half sister at family functions.  They all have families and lives.  He is closer to his younger sister, though.

[Guest]

Guess I didn't answer your question. :)   Dh has one sister, and they aren't close.  But it isn't from his lack of trying.  His sister is a couple years older and has always thought she was better than he was.  Dh is currently living out of state at his father's house, while trying to save money to get the family moved there.  His sister is about 15 minutes away from them, and despite dh asking to get together, he has seen her once since August.  

[JustEm]

My dh has 2 younger sisters.  He sees them weekly and random funny texts get sent about once a month.  He doesn't have a super close relationship with either but if they needed him or he needed them they'd be their for the other in a heartbeat I think.  

 

With my own brothers it varies. I have 4 living.  the one I was closest with as a child (17 months older than me)  I am still closest with.  We see each other at least once a week usually twice.  I hang out with his wife and kids while he's working often.  We watch each others kids regularly and if need be I could tell him anything.  About every 2 years dh and I go on a beach trip with a different brother and his dw.  We see them usually once a week.  My third brother still lives with my parents and I see him once a week but we don't have much of a relationship (his choice/ Aspergers/doesn't feel like he fits in with his siblings.)  My oldest brother lives about an hour away. I see him on holidays and his kids' birthdays/special events.  We used to be very close but are not anymore for no reason other than we both started our adult lives.  We can still rely on each other if we need to.

[Mom-ninja.]

My dh regularly calls/texts his siblings (2 sisters both over 10 years younger) and 1 brother (3 years older).

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

My DH has several siblings.  One he actually works with so they communicate more often.  But for everyone else, they usually contact me to find out what is going on in our lives.  DH loves them, but he is an introvert (not shy; there is a difference) and just doesn't see the point of random communication.  If you need something, you call.  If something momentous is happening that relates to DH's life in some way, then sure, let's talk.  Otherwise, what's the point?

 

When we were all planning a trip together, I was the one that coordinated everything with DH's family.  He just had no patience for all the communication and planning going back and forth.  I think I now know his sister better than he does.   :)

 

I have a brother.  We love each other.  He is an extreme introvert.  We talk on the phone maybe every 2-3 months, the conversation lasts all of 5 minutes on a good day, and it works fine.  I see him when he comes down to visit our mother and we may eat a couple of meals together.  He sees the kids and may interact a bit.  They know he isn't uncaring.  He just isn't very verbal or demonstrative.

[Loowit]

DH is the oldest.  His brother is 3 years younger and his sister is 6 years younger than him.  He gets along fine with them.  I don't think they talk all that much, but I am not really sure.  When I met DH he had a very strained relationship with his sister.  She was a very rebellious teenager and purposefully did things to bother and hurt him.  Some were pretty destructive.  But she has grown up a lot since then and they get along fine now  DH mostly talks to them a holiday gatherings.  Sometimes he will see them for other things, but not very often.

 

But really I don't think it is a guy thing.  I am not close to either of my siblings.  My sister is 15 months older than me and my brother is 2 years younger.  I didn't get along with my sister growing up and now we get along okay when we see each other, we don't really spend time talking on the phone.  We do email at times back and forth.  Both of us are busy with our own thing and it just isn't a priority.  I used to see my brother more and talk to him a couple times a week, but as time went on, kids were born, etc. we just don't talk much.  My DH actually talks to my brother more than I do.  They were friends before I met DH.

[Joyofsixreboot]

My dh has 3 sisters 15,13, and 10 years older than him. He doesn't enjoy their company and rarely calls them. I have to admit I have 1 brother 20 miles away. We don't dislike each other but don't have the same interests and his wife isn't crazy about me so we probably see/talk to each other 5-6 times a year.

[AnnaBeth]

interesting........keep um coming

[Laura Corin]

Husband has one brother, two years older.  They probably communicate (email, usually) once a month or two.  They are on good terms and would do a lot for each other.  They just don't have much in common.  They see each other when they happen to be nearby (they live on different continents)

 

I have two older brothers (in their fifties - two years apart in age).  The eldest sends out texts when something major happens in his life.  I suspect that the younger replies briefly ('Great!'  'Sorry to hear that').  They rarely see each other - once every year or two.  They are on friendly terms, but have very, very little in common.

 

L

[Ripley]

My ex-husband has one sibling, younger by 3 years. He considers them close, but they aren't close by my standards (not that it matters. LOL) They call on birthdays, exchange gifts at holidays, and get together whenever my ex travels back to their hometown (he's the only one who moved away). They know each other fairly well, but - not like the day to day stuff. He could pick out a gift card to buy her, but not be able to SHOP for something she'd like because he doesn't know her current style or tastes well enough at this point - e.g. They were extremely close growing up, and even in the early years of our marriage (she was still a teenager). What happened was she married a super liberal and started sharing those beliefs; well, my ex and his family are super conservatives. :lol: Now they can't stand each other and have very little respect for each other's politics. So they limit contact and any real conversations. LOL

 

My brother and I talk every day, and text throughout each day. I can tell you what he ate for breakfast and when it left his body via the other route (because that's when he finally takes his turns at our Words With Friends games). Okay, maybe TMI but we're very close and involved in each other's day to day. His girlfriend thinks it's weird that we're so close. It's normal for our family, though. All of us are pretty close and are in regular call/text/facetime contact. I think we're close because we want to be. We don't care what each other's politics are (and they're vastly different) and we fall back on our shared history to carry us through those times when we can't stand each other. Differences aren't personal, they're ... differences. However wrong ;) I think that's the key.

[Um_2_4]

Dh is the eldest of 13 (FIL has 30 grandkids, I am so not used to a big family :lol: ) and he is in regular contact (about 1-2x a month, he spends a couple Sundays a month just on the phone or video chat) with all of them. The youngest 2 that are still at home, probably more. And he is the "go to" guy if anyone is having problems, so add that into there.

 

I will say it wasn't as much when we first married. More of them were still at home (single, school or busy working etc) so he would call and talk to his mom and maybe say hi to them, but now that all are married with their own families they talk more. Plus they coordinate to deal with older parent issues, etc.

 

I have no siblings, so can't say there :laugh: .

[AnnaBeth]

My dh talks to his one brother about one a week or sometimes every other week. It's pretty casual but they talk often. My one older brother (2 1/2 years between us) calls me about once a month and I call him about the same and my two younger brothers both call me almost once a week (9years between us). I know that the brothers who call me also call each other fairly regularly to keep on touch. My other older brother doesn't call me much (4 years between), but he sees me fairly regularly. he does still call cousins and brothers now and then though, although not as often as the other three.

 

I do think that women are more prone than men to call regularly, but not calling at all is not just a guy thing.

What's age gap between dh and his brother?

[AnnaBeth]

My ex-husband has one sibling, younger by 3 years. He considers them close, but they aren't close by my standards (not that it matters. LOL) They call on birthdays, exchange gifts at holidays, and get together whenever my ex travels back to their hometown (he's the only one who moved away). They know each other fairly well, but - not like the day to day stuff. He could pick out a gift card to buy her, but not be able to SHOP for something she'd like because he doesn't know her current style or tastes well enough at this point - e.g. They were extremely close growing up, and even in the early years of our marriage (she was still a teenager). What happened was she married a super liberal and started sharing those beliefs; well, my ex and his family are super conservatives. :lol: Now they can't stand each other and have very little respect for each other's politics. So they limit contact and any real conversations. LOL

 

My brother and I talk every day, and text throughout each day. I can tell you what he ate for breakfast and when it left his body via the other route (because that's when he finally takes his turns at our Words With Friends games). Okay, maybe TMI but we're very close and involved in each other's day to day. His girlfriend thinks it's weird that we're so close. It's normal for our family, though. All of us are pretty close and are in regular call/text/facetime contact. I think we're close because we want to be. We don't care what each other's politics are (and they're vastly different) and we fall back on our shared history to carry us through those times when we can't stand each other. Differences aren't personal, they're ... differences. However wrong ;) I think that's the key.

What's age difference between you and your brother?   What do you mean 'normal for our family'?   What about your family created this deeper connection you continue to share?

[AnnaBeth]

DH has a sister 4 years older. They talk on the phone at least once a week (it was much more when we married), often more. DH also calls his parents a few times a week (it was almost daily when we married). 

 

I would say he had a good relationship with both, although not deep relationships. 

 

I, on the other hand, feel close to my siblings but I never call them. I will sometimes chat late at night to one of my brothers on Facebook. None of us is phone people (except maybe my sister). When we do get together we all stand around talking into the early hours because we enjoy being together, but in our regular lives we don't intersect much. I'm the oldest and there's a year between me and my brother, then a year between him and my sister. My youngest brother is 4 years younger then her. 

Does DH initiate the phone call or does sister call him?

[BeautifulLife]

DH (31) has 2 brothers. One is 34, the other is 24. DH talks to the older one probably once a week. He and the younger brother text occasionally but usually don't talk on the phone. He has a close relationship with both of them, but careers, distance, and personalities play a roll in how often they communicate. We live in Hawaii, and DH works very long hours. His older brother is a state trooper in NJ so he calls when he works nights, while it is after work but before bedtime here. DH and his younger brother are both pretty quiet on the phone, and it's hard to keep a conversation going very long between them. So texting works best. :)

[T'smom]

My dh is one in a set of triplets. They never "chat" on the phone, but we do get together with their families on a semi-regular basis, especially in warm weather. We don't live super-close to each other, but they do play golf on a regular basis and have played on the same rec baseball teams. They are in a fantasy league together and text trash talk about that. But I usually know more about what is going on with them because my SIL and I do just "chat" (it is really nice to have her to vent to.....they are not identical, but their personalities are very similar, so we really 'get' each other!)

[LucyStoner]

My husband has one brother.  Their contact is limited to occasional emails on light topics only.  We see him infrequently but that is mostly because he lives on a different continent.  Since he moved there, he's been home twice and we are planning to visit once our kids are old enough to enjoy/remember the trip. 

 

My BIL is somewhat mentally ill and my husband and him were raised in a pretty bad DV situation with affluent parents who never got caught/suspected.  They keep it light because that's all their history can really handle and they never got too close as kids because of how their dad played them off of each other. 

[Kari C in SC]

Well... My dh's brother lives next door to us and his 2 sisters (both single) own the house across the street. You would THINK they were all very close because of this. They are not at all. We moved to be closer to our nieces and nephews after my sil died. It was a good idea in theory. Except that our family connection was my sil and since she is gone, there is no real connection. We are all nice to each other and see each other for some birthdays and holidays, etc. but honestly they are just like other neighbors that we don't talk to much.

 

Now for me, my one sister lives right near is with my mom. She is disabled and needs helps with some things. I see her all the time and take her and my mom on trips with us several times a year. My mom doesn't drive and my sister only drives locally. So, they need me for any extras. I have another sister states away that I don't have much contact with her. I have a brother with a psycho girlfriend of 20 years and I have zero contact with him after this crazy lady did horrible things to our family.

 

Like others say, I will feel sad if my youngest 2 don't have some kind of relationship later on. They were both very close to my oldest son even when he was so far away in Alaska.

[Ripley]

What's age difference between you and your brother?   What do you mean 'normal for our family'?   What about your family created this deeper connection you continue to share?

 

This brother and I are two years apart in age.

 

Normal for our family ... I don't know. My oldest sister is three years my senior; my other sisters are younger than me by four and sixteen years, respectively. My brothers are younger than me by two, eight, and twelve years. We all communicate weekly, at a minimum. My brothers initiate contact as often as the sisters do, if not more.

 

We're just genuinely interested in each other's lives. I guess we feel enriched by the presence of each other in our day-to-day lives, so we make an effort to maintain that. We like each other!

 

What created this connection? I don't know that either. My mom comes from a big family, and so do her parents. We grew up very close to all of those people, and are still close to them. Every other month the kids and I fly overseas for a quick 48-hour visit with my great-aunts and -uncle (all in their 90s). My 92 year old grandmother makes the trip with us every other visit. They made time for family, taught us to nurture our individuality within the family, and showed us the value of extended family. The connection wasn't created so much as it was modeled and nurtured. We're just doing what we saw THEM doing.

[MrsJewelsRae]

My dh only has one sibling, a brother 4 yrs younger. His brother had distanced him for several years, though we were on friendly terms with them, living 10 minutes from each other, same church, family dinners at dh's parents every couple months, etc, it wasn't really close though. Now they have more in common, we each have 3 kids, our middle and 3rd child are the same age as their oldest and 2nd child and very close. They've been getting closer, they were intentional about getting together for coffee a couple years ago, to try and sort out the distance, my dh is kinda pushy, and his younger brother is very sensitive to the feeling of being bossed by big brother. ;) His brother was going through big changes and felt the need to be viewed as independent- not "Jake's little brother" or "just like his parents", establishing who he was I guess. My dh pushed for a "all on the table" meeting a few years ago where they each shared things, each surprising the other with some misunderstandings, they cleared the air, it has been really nice getting closer to them the last couple years, especially since our kids are best friends. :) Honestly, I think their mother makes each of them feel that the other is so much better when she talks to them separately. For instance, my sil was certain that mil was upset about them choosing to ps their kids, but I scoffed and said no way, she's given me such a hard time for years about hs our kids- we both had the impression that approved of the other more, she tends to play one against the other either to get support for herself or in a "subtle" attempt to get one to be more like the other. Now that we've all caught on to this we don't let it effect our relationship. Never underestimate the bonding power of making fun of your parents. ;)

[Tap]

Dh is not close to any of his siblings. He is the middle of 3 boys, and has a step sister.  He talks to one brother a couple of times a year, usually around a birthday or Christmas.. His sister cuts his hair, so he sees her for an hour once a month but if he wasn't going to her for that, he would likely only talk to her a couple times a year also.  His older brother.....we just avoid as much as possible. 

 

He does have 3 close friends that he talks to weekly if not more, so it isn't his personality to stay detached, it is just that he doesn't have anything in common with his siblings.. 

 

 

 

I am actually worse than he is.  I haven't talked to any of my siblings in years.  :0(  

[sewingmama]

DH is the oldest of 4. His brother is 3 years younger and they hardly ever talk. They have a totally different lifestyle so don't get along so well. He also has two sisters 4-5 years younger then him. He talks to them a lot. He usually initiates the calls though. We live on separate continents or he would visit and call them least weekly. He gets along fine with them both.

 

I have two younger brothers and a sister. My brothers are 15 months and 2.5 years younger then me. My sister is my half sister and 15 years younger. As kids I didn't have much to do with my brothers ..they played together..I played alone. I was like a second mother to my sister.

 

As adults... my brothers live in a separate state and my sister lives in the US. My sister never initiates contact with me ...we hardly ever talk. I know what is going on in her life via my mother. My closest in age brother never calls me or I him but we get along fine and if I lived closer we would have more contact. We're just not phone people. My youngest brother calls me about once a month and complains I never call him lol. He is a big family person and makes an effort to keep in touch. He always was a chatterbox as a kid.

 

All three of my siblings live a different lifestyle to us so we don't hang out socially by choice but we do the family holidays and if someone needed something like a lift somewhere or something we would do that. Now that we all have kids we make more of an effort to keep in contact. The kids all enjoy each other and their aunties and uncles. In fact I think my brothers love my kids way more then they do me LOL. My sister is indifferent to my kids although I adore hers.

 

I have to say though...if they weren't my siblings they aren't the type of people I would usually choose to be friends with lol.

[Laurie4b]

I think dh feels pretty close to all his siblings. There were 5 kids in his family, all born within 6 years, so they are all close in age. We live several hours drive away.  He doesn't talk with them often on the phone, but they would each be there for the other in a crisis.