My counselor says I need a hobby.

[caitlinsmom]

I am on the verge of a total collapse.  In desperation I went to see our counselor today.  After I share just a small blip of all that goes on in my head/life, he leans back and says  "This will sound simple but it's going to be the best place to start.  You need to get out, focus on you and find a hobby."  Arg.  Obviously there was more to it but he came back to that point multiple times throughout our session.

 

So hive, what hobby should I take up?

 

Take the following into account:

 

-I don't like knitting.

-I like sewing but hate dragging it all out in our (very) small space.

-I started drawing this week but so did everyone else in the house.  It doesn't feel like "mine".

-I read a lot but that doesn't count.

-I am a horrible crocheter, I don't find joy in scrapbooking, and working out is not a hobby in my mind but torture. :) 

-I am very frugal and will feel guilt and stress if my hobby costs too much money. I NEED to avoid stress as much as possible.

-I live in an area with 4 seasons but winter is harsh with negative temps much of the time.  Not a pleasant hiking/outdoorsy environment (at least to me).

-I also live in a rural area with little "culture" available.  Museums, symphonies, ballets etc do not exist around here.  I am at least 3 hours from the closest opportunities of that sort.

 

I'm all ears..... :)

 

 

 

[Mrs Mungo]

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Could you take a class? I enjoy a lot of things in groups that I wouldn't do on my own.

[Liz CA]

Start writing and see what happens. Children's books, fiction, non-fiction if you have an area of expertise...the sky is the limit. :)

[caitlinsmom]

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Could you take a class? I enjoy a lot of things in groups that I wouldn't do on my own.

 

Introvert who likes to do things at my own pace.  Classes are good but I find myself bored because they move to slowly for me.  Plus I have pretty severe anxiety right now so being with people (in groups) contributes to the issues I am dealing with.

[Jean in Newcastle]

First thing I would do is to follow the first two parts of his advice "get out and focus on yourself".  Is there a coffee shop you could go to without your family?  You could take a sketchbook with you so that your drawing really is your own in that environment.  Or you could find a class, like Mrs. Mungo suggested, or write, as Liz suggested.

[Mom in High Heels]

Why doesn't reading count as a hobby?  I think it is!  I read all the time and it is my absolute favorite hobby.  If you like to read, get out, and go read in a coffee/tea shop (or a park in the spring and summer) and just enjoy not being interrupted, asked to do anything, etc.

[Stayseeliz]

Photography!!!! It is healing, creative, amazing, etc. You can use anything from a camera phone to a camera that costs thousands. They are free classes online, YouTube videos, free classes at the local library, etc.

[Dandelion]

Is there a cause you're passionate about? Helping children or the homeless for example? If yes, I'd look into volunteer opportunities that allow you to support that cause. It's not a hobby in the traditional sense of the word, but it can be just as fulfilling. Volunteering can be especially helpful when you need to get your mind off of your troubles. Nothing does that better than focusing on helping others in need IME.

[caitlinsmom]

Why doesn't reading count as a hobby?  I think it is!  I read all the time and it is my absolute favorite hobby.  If you like to read, get out, and go read in a coffee/tea shop (or a park in the spring and summer) and just enjoy not being interrupted, asked to do anything, etc.

 

Unfortunately I end up using reading as a coping technique.  I need to find something else at this point in my life to help create a little balance.  Otherwise I totally agree with you, reading is the best hobby! :)

[PollyOR]

Well, I doubt it will be a popular choice but I played an online game for quite awhile.  It was my escape.  

[NicAnn]

I've developed several hobbies and interests over the last few years. It really had made a difference in my quality of life.

 

Politics

Volunteering

Banjo playing (I'm quite bad)

Online classes- iTunes U and Coursera, Khan Academy

Crosswords

 

If you lived alone and were in your early 20s, what would you do? That's how I started playing banjo. I thought it was fun and quirky.

[MomatHWTK]

I have found that it is not so much what you choose to do, but that you are doing it with complete selfishness. If I am going shopping for groceries or stuff for the kids, I am "away" and by myself but I am still living for someone else.  Now, I am OK with living for my family most of the time but there does need to be that little corner that is just for me.  It could be as simple as actually getting to take a bubble bath without interruption.

 

I know one of the big problems I had before I got "selfish" was that if I was in the house, even if I was off duty and DH was supposed to be in charge, I really wasn't able to relax.  People kept finding me!  If I went out, poor DH would think of something unimportant we needed or have a little question and call... I had to break him of that habit.  

 

I am now knitting.  But I am not only knitting but I am making things I want to make, trying to sell some of them so I'm really managing a small business- very small. LOL  But, it is mine.  DH helps me, he builds the displays and pays for the yarn and we go to sales together.  But management is something I used to do in my old life and my initial education was in Textiles (yeah, it's a real major) so it brings everything about ME together. 

 

I also, btw, play computer games as a zone-out option. 

 

ETA:  I am an introvert as well and when everyone is tugging at me my social anxiety goes through the roof.  I am taking a break from outside interactions right now for that reason. My social battery is getting fully used up at home and needs time to recharge.  Maybe when the sun is out more in the spring I'll venture out again.  I guess that means I'm a social hibernator. ;)

[PeterPan]

Ditto the photography.  

[Mrs Mungo]

Well, I doubt it will be a popular choice but I played an online game for quite awhile. It was my escape.

My kids know they should go away for a little while if I have to go kill things.

[Mergath]

I second trying writing.  It's free if you have a laptop or a notebook to write in, you don't need much space to do it, and you can do it anywhere.  And the only prerequisite is that you know how to write in some kind of language. :)  It's amazing for stress, too.  Oh, and regardless of what some books will tell you, you do not need to do it every single day.

[mommymonster]

I completely hate running. Hate it. And yet, I run when going through extreme stress. In the winter, I bundle up and head out. If you're in a cold climate, there might be a mall or indoor track you could access. It's amazing how grounded I feel after being out for 30 minutes. I'm slower than a turtle 

 

Another option is a musical instrument. Harmonica, recorder, jaw harp... doesn't have to be expensive. I purchased a decent recorder from amazon.com and am learning to play it. 

 

Gardening is great, but very season dependent. This is the fun time of year for gardening for me -- planning, researching, and dreaming. It's much less work than planting and harvesting.  :001_smile:

 

 

[Incognito]

You appear to be taking picutres in your avatar, so you would probably like that as a hobby. :)

[MAIMOM]

my mothers hobby is junk shop shopping, then she sells it online. She have herself $20 to get started and had a blast looking for items.

 

Another friend goes shopping,places anything she wants in a cart and drives it around the store just looking. then she goes a round and puts it back/ away. She says she feels better having owned it for a little while

[ChristusG]

This might sound crazy, but what about couponing? Since you are frugal, not only could it be a hobby, but it will help you out financially too. It's takes time to research the best deals, learn what coupons go with which deals, organize things, make the purchases, etc. Lots of people say they enjoy it and like the rush of saving lots of money. Plus, if you have a surplus, you can decide who to bless with that surplus of goods.

[gardenmom5]

gardening? not necessarily vegetable gardening, but flower gardening too.  I know you can't do too much outside in the winter, but you can do some research and get ideas of what you'd like to do.

 

during a particularly difficult time,  was able to obtain chunks of used brick. (as in the wall's were broken down, and there were many bricks in a chunk.)   I cleaned brick.  I got a hammer and a brick chisel to seperate the bricks from each other and the mortar.   It really was a fabulous way to get out tension. being able to hit something was theraputic. when I'd feel particularly stressed, I'd go clean brick.  I could do ten before my arm gave out.  when I was done, I had lots of used brick for garden projects.

[LibraryLover]

Find a hobby?   That was the recommendation of a Dr?  

[Alessandra]

I see reading doesn't count, but I would still suggest reading, choosing biography/nonfiction and becoming an 'expert' in one subject, say, the Tudors.

 

Exercise is such a good tension reliever. Perhaps, yoga, kettle ball, whatever, using free online videos.

 

Do you have a dog? Walking a dog is a great way of getting out and meeting people, without having to be 'social.'

 

Another idea might be to learn a new computer program. Sketchbook Express (easy) and Google SketchUp (steep learning curve) are two free graphics programs. Or learn a photo editing program if you take pix.

 

I would ignore the traditional 'hobby' advice, that is, the hobbies that require stuff and produce more 'stuff,' like knitting, scrap booking, etc.

 

ETA I love mommy monsters running, music and gardening ideas.

[mmeblue]

Paper quilling is a fun hobby if you're looking for something that results in a finished product.  The supplies are not very expensive - you can get a starter kit at quilling.com or quilledcreations.com, I believe.  It's easy to learn, and you can do projects that are small and quick or more elaborate, depending on how much time you want to devote.  There is a bit of the "pulling out supplies," but it doesn't take up nearly as much space as sewing.  

 

Another idea is to find a topic of interest and complete a free online course to learn more.  I know there's Coursera, or OpenCourseWare through a number of universities, depending on what fields are of interest to you.  

[plansrme]

This is also probably not going to very popular, but what about a few hours a week at a paying job? Even a no-skill, entry level job somewhere could be fun and get you out of the house. It is also easy to get to know people you are working with.

 

And I second the running or waking, even in the cold.

[JuanitaL]

Our library has free classes/special speakers - at least once a month - different topics/activities/hobbies. Last year I was given several packets of heirloom seeds at a gardening workshop. It was free, fun, and something I did just for me.

[Wabi Sabi]

This is a good time of year to start planning a garden. Soon all of the seed catalogs will start arriving in the mail, and IMO they offer a welcome distraction from a long, cold winter. You can spent the first few months of the new year perusing the seed catalogs and starting things like tomatoes and peppers indoors.

[marbel]

Why not start a blog and write book reviews?   And/or join Goodreads.com and write reviews there; join some groups and converse with people about books?    That might make reading seem more of a hobby and perhaps less of a coping technique? 

 

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

Unfortunately I end up using reading as a coping technique.  I need to find something else at this point in my life to help create a little balance.  Otherwise I totally agree with you, reading is the best hobby! :)

 

What is wrong with coping techniques? Reading is better than drinking or shopping for shoes.

[Another Lynn]

If you enjoyed drawing, I would keep at it and maybe everyone else's interest in it will fall by the wayside. 

[Splash]

The thing that has helped me the most through the last five very difficult years is a friend I can meet with a couple times a month and just talk, have lunch, just us no kids. We also talk throughout the week. I joined a Bunco group that meets once a month and use that as therapy time as well. Bible study once a week was a good option for me. Getting away for just a bit with other ladies has really been good for me. Sometimes I really don't want to go out and do these things but usually if I make myself get going I enjoy myself once I'm there. I too use reading as an escape or coping mechanism to a sometimes unhealthy level.

 

I am not a crafty person and find them stressful, I hate gardening as I can't stand dirt under my fingernails, sometimes when things are really rough my brain just can't take any additional info in so classes at that point would be difficult. I did get myself a little cuddly lapdog. She's sweet and I enjoy her, she came from a long line of therapy dogs and her gift is sensing when someone in the family needs love and cuddles.

 

I am an introvert but still find the need for adult interaction now and then.

 

Not sure what your stressors are but getting away from stress for a bit was good for me. I have a child with a mental illness and one with a chronic life threatening disease as well as three others who just need me around. It can be hard to breath at times but I'm learning to take care of myself now as well per their doctors orders. I'm no good to them if I'm not doing okay.

 

I hope you find what helps you cope and grow.

[RoundAbout]

Is there a YMCA a around? Going to the Y to exercise is my favorite hobby. They have childcare and I can put headphones on and ignore people or be more social when I choose. Exercise is great for metal health.

[Danestress]

I wonder if a consistent volunteer activity that you actually enjoy would serve the same purpose.

[Carrie12345]

-I don't like knitting.

-I like sewing but hate dragging it all out in our (very) small space.

-I started drawing this week but so did everyone else in the house.  It doesn't feel like "mine".

-I read a lot but that doesn't count.

-I am a horrible crocheter, I don't find joy in scrapbooking, and working out is not a hobby in my mind but torture. :)

-I am very frugal and will feel guilt and stress if my hobby costs too much money. I NEED to avoid stress as much as possible.

-I live in an area with 4 seasons but winter is harsh with negative temps much of the time.  Not a pleasant hiking/outdoorsy environment (at least to me).

-I also live in a rural area with little "culture" available.  Museums, symphonies, ballets etc do not exist around here.  I am at least 3 hours from the closest opportunities of that sort.

 

I'm all ears..... :)

Wow, sounds so much like me, lol!!!

I don't have a magic answer, but I can share what I've come up with while I continue to search for something additional.

I DID join a gym. Yes, it's torture. Yes, it crimps my schedule. Yes, it costs some money (and the outlay for things like decent sneakers, sports bras, etc. was relatively pricey.) It took me a long time to bite the bullet and do it because of all those things.

BUT, it's been good in so many ways. I'm slowly losing weight. I'm quickly gaining energy and strength. I have quiet time to clear the cobwebs from my head. I've even found a trainer in the gym who does group training for $10/pop, and have become friendly with several ladies that way.

 

To a point, I have some guilt about the expense. But it's making me a healthier person on several levels, which is better for my family. And it gives me an accomplishment that is mine, and mine alone.

 

I'm still searching for something a little more... creative, I guess. In the meantime, I'm happy with this!

[stripe]

I'd think something artistic, sporty, or service oriented would be worth trying. Or cooking? Or animals?

[shukriyya]

Find a hobby? That was the recommendation of a Dr?

Yep, that was my thought too.

[mumto2]

Since you enjoy sewing but find the equipment too much maybe hand quilting. Dd and I took a class from a local shop where wew me a pillow sham. Two pieces of fabric, batting, quilt thread, special needles, and two thimbles were the extent of the equipment. My project fit in a ziplock while in progress. Not too bulky or messy. A couple hours setting up and tracing your pattern then you are ready to go for hours. Several squares could be pieced into a quilt.

[LLMom]

My dr. recommended the same thing to me.  It does make sense, though because many times people who are stressed, depressed, or anxious are generally not spending enough time on themselves.  They need some time to relax and have fun. 

[Carrie12345]

Find a hobby?   That was the recommendation of a Dr?

It makes total sense that a *counselor* would recommend that someone who feels on the verge of a total collapse (and likely due to working on everyone else's needs before her own) should take the time to put some focus on her own relaxation and enjoyment.

 

I'd be more concerned if the first solution offered was pills. (Not that they can't be a useful tool in caring for one's self.)

[Annie G]

This is also probably not going to very popular, but what about a few hours a week at a paying job? Even a no-skill, entry level job somewhere could be fun and get you out of the house. It is also easy to get to know people you are working with.

 

And I second the running or waking, even in the cold.

 

This worked so well for me. I made it clear that I was going to find a part time job and that I wasn't going to be coming home and doing everything that I usually do while I'm home.  Dh and the kids quickly  picked up the slack and I LOVE my job- I make people happy every day at work and that wasn't always happening at home.  I'm a better wife and mom because oddly enough, work is my 'me' time.   But the key here is that my family stepped up and took over some of the duties- laundry, housekeeping, food prep, etc.  

 

 I have also taken up cycling. I love it when the weather is good and when it's bad, I have an indoor trainer. I hate that thing but it keeps me in shape and reminds me that I will love riding when the weather turns nice. (Which in my region means late April. ugh. )  When I get stressed, it's clear...I run for the bike trail and I ride for a few hours. It's so calming. 

 

I know some people feel that adding a job just adds stress but for me it was the opposite.  And a bonus is that I have more money to spend- some on me, some on dh and the kids.  

 

 

For the OP- try a few things and see what clicks. I hope you find something that brings you relief from stress. It's wonderful to feel the stress just melt away - and don't fret if it takes you a few tries to find something that clicks with you. 

[Garga]

I like what a PP said about how the hobby ought to be totally selfish. I have a few hobbies and feel no guilt about the fact that I don't share them with anyone. I think it's an awesome lesson for my sons to learn--that the women in their lives won't drop everything to pander to them. Their mother is an independent person with her own likes/dislikes that have nothing to do with them. Won't their future wives be glad to know that my sons don't expect them to cater to their every whim?

 

We can offer ideas, but in the end you'll have to find something you like best. It would be nice if it could be something that gets you out of the house. Before I had kids, I used to head to the local library. It had a little room in the basement with all the magazines in it. It was absolutely silent. People would go in there and read the magazines and the only sound was of the pages turning. Could that be your hobby? Heading out once a week to the magazine section, alone, and reading the magazines all the way through?

 

If you do decide on photography, take your pictures from unusual angles--usually higher than normal or lower than normal. Then, upload them to ipiccy.com and edit them. It's a free program, is very intuitive, and will make your pictures look amazing. You don't need an expensive camera if you work with different angles and then use the free editing program.

[texasmama]

Haven't read the other replies, but a book club comes to mind.  Join an existing one or start one at Starbucks.  The idea is for you to get out and among other adults and get some break from the daily grind, I think. 

 

After being at home with the kids for about 6-7 years and becoming miserable, I did two things.  I joined the church choir (and rode to practice with a friend so we got to visit), and I volunteered to help with a multi-class reunion for my high school.  These two things helped me get my life back.   They broke the cycle of aloneness and of my entire existence being inside the four walls of my house and with my family. 

 

Having a therapist suggest a hobby is a very valid intervention.  It is helping someone find something of meaning that she can continue after the therapy is over.  Once, when I was stressed and overwhelmed and ready to pop, my therapist suggested a few days ALONE at the beach.  No family.  It sounded absurd, but I did it.  I met my best friend there for one night (I stayed two), had a long drive to process my thoughts, spent time alone for the first time in years and played in the waves.  My friend and I had not played like kids for years, and we both needed it.  It was fab. But I would not have done it without being ordered to by the therapist.

 

 

[Excelsior! Academy]

Branch out from drawing.  Keep a nature journal and sketch with colored pencils. Or use water colors or pastels. Even oil paints. Everyone else may still draw, but they can't use your special supplies.  Depending on your mood and how much you want to pull out that day determines the media you use.

[Garga]

And I agree with others that perhaps a low stress job would help. One where you don't need the money, so you don't have to worry about getting fired, but that you go to just to get away and earn some spending money. Actually, that sounds great. Maybe I'll do that. Wouldn't some fun money be awesome!?

 

And volunteering to help others. It will get you out of the house and doing something helpful. Since it's volunteer work, you can quit whenever you want if it doesn't work out.

[texasmama]

Introvert who likes to do things at my own pace.  Classes are good but I find myself bored because they move to slowly for me.  Plus I have pretty severe anxiety right now so being with people (in groups) contributes to the issues I am dealing with.

I didn't see this part before recommending a book club, but I think it might still work since it is a low key activity and usually a smallish group.

[Χά�ων]

I am in the same boat. I am looking at community class offerings at a nearish college. They cost $10 plus materials are rarely more than 5 sessions with the bulk of classes only lasting 2-3 sessions.

[DianeW88]

Do volunteer work.  That won't cost anything, and you will feel amazing afterwards!  Serving others is the best cure for whatever problems you may have.  Check out hospitals, nursing homes, food banks, homeless shelters, libraries, etc.  There are so many opportunities out there, and so many people who need help!

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: Finding a hobby as an adult is often a job in and of itself.

 

The Well Educated Mind has an excellent reading list for book lovers; I found it enjoyable and indulgent to begin a reading journal based on Susan's lists.

 

 

Check out your library for resources.  Our local libraries have free stuff online like language classes.

[Twigs]

Branch out from drawing.  Keep a nature journal and sketch with colored pencils. Or use water colors or pastels. Even oil paints. Everyone else may still draw, but they can't use your special supplies.  Depending on your mood and how much you want to pull out that day determines the media you use.

Check out this recent thread about hobbies.

Best wishes.

 

ETA - If you choose something like this, be sure to buy yourself some extra special supplies to keep to yourself.

[Ripley]

I am crafty, but I have a hand injury that's prevented me from partaking in my usual hobbies.  While it heals, my new hobby has been to totally zone out - and to echo an earlier poster, to take the time to be completely selfish.  What this looks like for me: I sit at Starbucks or McDonald's or McAllister's or somewhere I can comfortably spend a few hours.  I either suck up some wi-fi and visit online forums ... or I put on my Beats and zone out to music. I have always loved music, but half of what I listen to isn't family friendly ;) I will literally sit in a chair listening to music, zone out, and a few times I've even fallen into a nap. LOL It's such a super-charge! I feel like I run ragged taking care of my family, stressing myself out with the day-to-day stuff, and so my hobby is like an anti-hobby. I just sit and do nothing.

 

I'm actually a person who needs to keep busy, and is always multi-tasking, so it was hard to do at first ... I felt unproductive and antsy. But I couldn't do the hobbies I wanted to at the time (due to working outside the home and being a single parent, time was my biggest issue) and my friends suggested working out or yoga or meditative activities that seemed a little woo-woo to me. My anti-hobby cost no more than $2-10, depending on my order, and I could squeeze in a 20 minute or hours long session pretty much anytime I needed to. It was flexible, convenient, and inexpensive.  I highly recommend it. LOL

[bettyandbob]

I just took up crochet, like last month. Using YouTube. I'm enjoying it and I really disliked knitting and I love sewing,but hate getting my machine and materials set up. I can tell it's going yo take a lot of practice and I don't mind pulling my stitches out (10 years ago I might have been more impatient with myself)

 

Yoga. You could get DVDs from the library to start.

 

Volunteer. You could volunteer at a YMCA or community center. Volunteering at such a place may give you reduced priced access to use the gym or take a class (ceramics, jewelry making, woodworking, tai chi) and discover what you like. My community center needs adaptive aquatics volunteers (helping persons with disabilities play in water and/or learn to swim).

 

Speaking of swimming, join a masters team. I want to do this when I can work the schedule better. They meet year round. There is always a slow lane. You get fitness. You can be solitary or take part in comeraderie

 

If you want to be social you could join a group that meets once a week to make dinner for a shelter or a knitting/crochet groups that makes baby blankets for the hospital/scarves for homeless/afghans for people who've lost their home in a fire. The other ladies would help you improve your skills and it would be social. Or any group whatsoever.

 

Maybe you have an environmental interest that you could immerse yourself in in your community.

 

Learn to sing and join the local choral , even if they meet an hour away.