S/O: Did you want to know the sex of your baby before he/she was born?

[Loowit]

DH wanted to know with our first, I didn't. Baby didn't cooperate so we didn't find out anyway, though they did guess a girl and were right. We didn't find out with our second either, my choice. I was glad to not know. With our third we did find out ahead. I gave in to the pressure from DH and the other that kept telling me that it is a surprise either way. I was kind of bummed to know to be honest. It took some of the mystery out of the rest of my pg. I we were by some miracle to have another baby I would not want to find out.

[HS Mom in NC]

Other-

 

Bio kids-didn't want to know and didn't find out.

 

Adopted kid-had the option of not knowing but chose to find out. We were matched to adopted kid when she was 6 weeks old which is when we found out.

 

 

[twoxcell]

We chose not to find out with our first but the others we did find out via ultrasound. With my first I only had one ultrasound in the 3rd trimester. My OB was anti unnecessary ultrasounds and only did it to check fluid levels. With my other three I went to a different office and had some pregnancy complications so they did loads of ultrasounds.

[Petrichor]

We wanted to know for all three pregnancies. DH and I had a really tough time agreeing on baby names for all the children. With the latest, we had a few choices, but didn't settle on a name until the baby came out and we got a good look at him. I couldn't imagine making it twice as hard by not knowing the baby's gender.

We kept the gender a surprise for DS, and narrowed it down to about two names per gender. I really liked both the boy names, but I didn't really like any of the girl names. Surprise surprise we had a DS (I had a feeling it would be a boy, though I really hoped it would be a girl since I had so much more experience with girls, and none with boys). BUT, I didn't name him either of the names we had picked out, because when I looked at him, his looks suited another name so much better. It was a name we considered, but passed on when I was pregnant.

[Cindy in FL.]

I didn't find out with my oldest because they didn't do ultrasounds for every pregnancy back then. I did find out for the other 4, though, and I'm glad I did. I am not a patient person!

[PrincessMommy]

No, we never wanted to find out.   Only had 2 sonograms in 6 births . One for our first to rule out twins (I was so sick), and the last to determine gest. age because he was lying transverse and appeared much smaller.  Anyway,  it's been 12yrs since I had a baby, and in that time I've noticed that the pressure to find out seems to have gone up.  My dd and her husband chose not to find out and they got way more flack and pressure from family/friends.  Comments like "How can I buy you a nice present if I don't know what sex your baby is?"  :confused1:

[Cinder]

JoyofSix:

 

You have 7 children? Did you have a 7th after you had your user name in place or do only 6 give you joy?

 

 

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Annie]

I voted other.  I didn't want to find out, but I found out anyway because my DH really wanted to.  He doesn't have many strong opinions on baby related issues, so I didn't mind giving in.  I'm actually kind of happy we ended up finding out this time around because I was sure it was a girl, and it ended up being a boy.  It took me a good 12 hours to get my mind around it, so I'm glad I got that out of the way early!  I had no feeling as to if it was a boy or girl the first time around.

[BarbecueMom]

We found out with all of them, but #1 and #3 held their boy stuff up to the camera so the tech didn't even have to tell us.

[creekland]

We wanted to know for all three of ours and found out in the u/s - all boys.  No regrets - not one.  If I had more, I'd still want to know as early as we could.  It helps me prepare and kind of gives me the feeling of bonding.

[Tap]

We were young and poor with ds, so knowing helped me shop ahead on sale.  I still bought some neutral items just in case, but honestly if ds would have been a girl, there would have been something wrong because there was NO question about his gender on that screen! LOL

 

With the baby we lost, she kept her legs crossed at every ultrasound and I had lots of them due to her issues. We had an amnio at 19weeks that showed Trisomy 18.  We found out her gender by accident when her genetic paperwork showed her gender.  What I learned in 10th grade biology gave it away.  LOL

 

With dd14, we had  CVS chromosome study done on her at 9 weeks and subsequently, multiple ultrasounds, with her every physical trait being monitored and measured.  It would have been very difficult for us to not know.  After seeing so many ultrasounds in a few years period of time, it was pretty easy to read them.  

 

 

 

 

 

[Jeannie in NJ]

I chose other since my dc are adopted.  When we applied to adopt our first, there was a small window of a few months that we could choose the sex.  Our agency said usually they do not let people choose because many more people choose female Korean babies than male.  (at least that was true 17 years ago, don't know about now).  THey also told us that since we chose a girl, that our second child would be required to be a boy.

[LMD]

I wanted to find out, no reason, I just wanted to know.  We've found out each time and have been happy to do so.  This current one was very nearly a surprise, baby was being coy!  We had been able to tell very easily ourselves with #2 & #3, but the tech eventually saw and was almost indignant when I asked 'how sure are you?' :D

 

It was especially nice this time to find out, my oldest was hoping for a particular sex, so I wanted to be able to prepare her.  And this pregnancy was quite surprising enough in itself, knowing has helped me emerge from denial! :ph34r:

[Luanne]

I only had one child and chose not to find out before she was born.  However, I think if I had had any more children, I would have wanted to know beforehand just for the sake of convenience.

[HS Mom in NC]

No, we never wanted to find out.   Only had 2 sonograms in 6 births . One for our first to rule out twins (I was so sick), and the last to determine gest. age because he was lying transverse and appeared much smaller.  Anyway,  it's been 12yrs since I had a baby, and in that time I've noticed that the pressure to find out seems to have gone up.  My dd and her husband chose not to find out and they got way more flack and pressure from family/friends.  Comments like "How can I buy you a nice present if I don't know what sex your baby is?"  :confused1:

 

Yes, I agree that there's more pressure to find out these days. It's also strange how some peoples' brains short circuit when you tell them you're choosing to not find out.  My MIL's children were born in 1967 and 1970.  When we told her we weren't finding out (my older two are 17 and 15) she said with complete sincerity, "How can you possibly prepare for a baby without knowing if it's a boy or girl!?!?!" I told her, " Probably the same way you managed to prepare for yours when you didn't know."  Seriously, she hadn't thought it through. What's wrong with people?  If you want to find out, great, but if you do an others don't, it's not bizarre or crazy.....it's the norm for humanity to not know.  They managed and so will my husband and I.  Sheesh.

[HS Mom in NC]

I chose other since my dc are adopted.  When we applied to adopt our first, there was a small window of a few months that we could choose the sex.  Our agency said usually they do not let people choose because many more people choose female Korean babies than male.  (at least that was true 17 years ago, don't know about now).  THey also told us that since we chose a girl, that our second child would be required to be a boy.

 

My youngest is a Korean adoptee too.  She's 8.  Sex selection policy at our agency at that time was:

 

1. You must have at least 2 children and they must all be the same gender for you to be able to choose the opposite gender.  You have to have all girls to choose a boy or all boys to choose a girl.

 

2. You may not choose the gender if: you have no other children, you have at least one child of each gender, you want to have another of the same gender as all your other children.

 

3. If parents have a preference for one gender over another it's noted and taken into consideration with the understanding that #1 and #2 carry more weight in the adoption agency's decision as to which family will get which child.   Anyone who insisted on a girl who didn't fit #1 and #2 was shown the door with contact information for Chinese adoption services.

 

We were given an article that stated 75% of Americans will choose to adopt girls if given the choice. They think it's perceived by adoptive parents that worst case scenarios of adopted children with behavioral issues are worse in boys vs. girls.  I don't know if anyone has ever done any research on why people have that preference.

 

We had no preference regarding gender going into adoption and 2 biological daughters already.  We were given a girl. I guess there were only girls available or more people were requesting boys.

[happypamama]

I have not found out with any of my five; we chose not to, and we like having that surprise at the end.  We also have been able to see for ourselves each time, which has been fun.

 

With DD, I felt absolutely sure she was a girl.  It took us a few minutes to even get around to checking after she was born, but I was not at all surprised that she was a girl.  We had a girl's name and two possible boys' names picked out.  I didn't have feelings one way or the other with DS1; we had a boy's name picked out but no possibilities for a girl's name.  With DS2, I was also sure he was a girl.  Biggest surprise of my life when he popped out, and I saw that he was a boy!  We didn't really have any name picked out, and it took us five days to find what is just the perfect name for him.  With DS3, I didn't have any feelings either way, but we had a tentative boy's name chosen, no girl's name at all (we did end up using the name we had tentatively chosen).  With this baby, we don't know (although I have vague girl feelings, I'm hesitant to be certain, after I was so wrong about DS2), but we'll know in a few days or a few weeks!  We have no names at all.  Well, *I* have names I like, and DH has names he likes, but the two are not in agreement.  Yet. ;)

[marbel]

Yes, I agree that there's more pressure to find out these days. It's also strange how some peoples' brains short circuit when you tell them you're choosing to not find out.  My MIL's children were born in 1967 and 1970.  When we told her we weren't finding out (my older two are 17 and 15) she said with complete sincerity, "How can you possibly prepare for a baby without knowing if it's a boy or girl!?!?!" I told her, " Probably the same you managed to prepare for yours when you didn't know."  Seriously, she hadn't thought it through. What's wrong with people?  If you want to find out, great, but if you do an other don't, it's not bizarre or crazy.....it's the norm for humanity to not know.  They managed and so will my husband and I.  Sheesh.

 

When I was pg with my first I was working, and a coworker was pg at the same time.  She wanted to know the sex of the baby.  Fair enough.  But try as they might, the ultrasounds were inconclusive.  She was beside herself and it seemed like her inability to find out ruined the joy of pregnancy for her. She felt paralyzed, as if she couldn't prepare at all.  She was angry that she couldn't keep having more tests till they determined the sex.  She also couldn't believe I chose not to find out. 

 

I have to admit, I had a hard time sympathizing with her.  That was 1997; I am not sure but I think it was still pretty new then to be able to find out.   (I could be wrong on that.)   None of my siblings, who are older than me and started having kids in 1977, knew ahead of time.

 

As for names, my husband and I had 2 sets, ready to go, by the time the baby was born. We saved the girl name and got to use it 18 months later.

 

I suppose there are people who choose not to know who are baffled by those who do.  It's just a preference, like sweet or unsweet tea. 

[dtsmamtj]

Five out of seven we didn't find out if they were a boy or a girl.  I prefer not knowing - my husband is fine either way.  

[fraidycat]

We were surprised with both.

[My3Munchkins]

We didn't find out with our 3.

 

#1 - I "knew" it was a boy and was right.

 

#2 - I "knew" it was a girl and was right.

 

#3 - I was sure I was having a boy and was shocked when my doctor announced "It's a girl!"

[shawthorne44]

My personal opinion is that there is so much excitement and discoveries at the birth, that I liked having the joy spread out. 

When she was born there was

 

Things I was excited about at the birth:

1)  She is a healthy baby! 

2)  She smiled at me when she first saw me.

3-20) She is a healthy baby! ... And she seems happy!

21.  No one is on my bladder!  First time in months!

22. No pain, feeling pretty good. 

 

I think even if I hadn't known the gender, the discovery would have been the 23rd biggest thing that day.  Whereas, "It is a girl" was the focus for about a month. 

 

[jenL]

We did not know for our first, and I loved being surprised.

 

We found out for our second for two reasons: 1) I really wanted a girl, and I didn't want to be shocked if it was a boy at the delivery (I know that sounds harsh, but knowing myself, I knew I'd need time to accept if it was a boy); 2) we didn't have a ton of money, so if it was not a boy, I needed to begin shopping consignment stores and sales early since we only had boy clothes from our first.

 

In hindsight, I wish we were surprised for our 2nd.  

 

[Audrey]

After all the Royal Birth threads I have been curious about you all.

 

I put "other."  I did not want to have an ultrasound tech tell me or show me the gender of my baby, but I knew he was a boy the moment I knew I was pregnant. 

 

My husband didn't care if we knew ahead.  I had already told him it was a boy, and he just said, "Well, okay then!"

 

How did I know?  I knew he was a boy because all the time I was trying to conceive, I kept thinking "I'd better have a girl." I was quite convinced that I would be complete rubbish as a mom to a boy. The Universe has always had a wicked sense of humour toward me. 

 

It could be nothing but a boy. ;)

[lea_lpz]

I voted I knew the gender of each child before they were born, and other.

 

We couldn't wait to find out the gender of our dd, and my dh wanted to the gender of our 2nd child and I didn't have any strong opinions either way. We have a daughter and son together (he has a son from a previous relationship), and so for a third child for myself, I would maybe want to be surprised since I already have one if each and to make this pregnancy unique :)

 

But then I don't know. I like to plan and it does help bond as far as picking a name, calling baby he or she, buying clothes and decorating a nursery, etc.

[redsquirrel]

I can honestly say that even though I didn't know the sex of the baby, it didn't cause me any trouble in shopping at all. What is there to buy that is gender specific? That said, I shy away from pink and blue and frills and 'daddy's little slugger' stuff no matter what. But, I can honestly say that there hasn't been anything we bought in the first couple years of life that wouldn't work for either a boy or a girl.

 

I still buy things like winter coats and boots etc in 'neutral' colours so that I can pass stuff on to my niece.

[OhanaBee]

We didn't want to know before our oldest was born.  My mil predicted a boy.  Everyone else said, "Girl".  Thank goodness everyone else was right.

 

With our second we wanted to find out [to buy boy things ahead of time if it was a boy] but we had to do the ultrasound so early that my OBGYN couldn't tell.  Mil predicted a boy and, in fact, vaguely threaten me if it wasn't a boy.  {"This one better be a boy! I want a grandson, ha ha ha."}

 

Yeah.  Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

Second child was a girl.

 

By the time we had child #3 I was sick and tired of the idiotic question: "So, are you hoping for a boy this time?" and ready to kill my mil for her comments like, "You need to STOP after this one, even if it is a girl" and "So, am I going to get my grandson.....EVER?"

 

Thankfully my third dd was not modest during the ultrasound, leaving absolutely no question about her sex.  I took great delight in saying things like, "Why would I want a boy? I'm going for an all girls softball team!" and "If you want a grandson, you'd better bug your own daughter, lady!"

 

Her sisters were also very happy that she wasn't a he.

[Sparkle]

We did not find out for the first 3 kids. The last one we did. We didn't tell anyone though, and most people thought we were having a boy, but nope, she was our second girl. Made things nice and even.

[nmoira]

This might sound  bad, but yes. Because we both wanted girls so very much, but we didn't want to be disappointed should it not come to pass. Knowing ahead would have given us time to work through it before the birth. Both children were girls. :D Then we stopped.

[Amber in SJ]

I needed to know.  I get pregnant very easily but have a difficult time staying pregnant.  I have been pregnant seven times and have four children.  Those pregnancies that "stuck" were tough; severe HG and pre-term labor w/ hospitalization or bed rest starting at 20 weeks.  Generally the placenta starts to fail.   I like to say I am allergic to being pregnant.

 

Knowing the sex of the baby (assuming we got that far, my miscarriages generally happened between 10-16 weeks) made all the difference to me.  Suddenly he or she seemed real to me.  I wasn't just lying on the bathroom floor a ball of misery, I was fighting for my son or daughter.  We had three little girls first and when the US tech told us the last one was a boy Dh said, "Huh?  We don't make little boys."  I am thankful technology allowed me to find out.

 

Amber in SJ

[retiredHSmom]

I didn't know the baby's gender for my first two pregnancies and I didn't want to.

 

I found out with my third in an unusual way.

 

When I was pregnant with my third we lived on a military base in Iceland.  My triple-screen came back with a highly elevated risk of Down's Syndrome and I was only 27.  My husband and I did a lot of research and decided to have an amniocentesis so we would know for certain because if the baby had DS I wanted to be in the US where immediate open heart surgery would be available if needed.  I had the amnio in an Icelandic hospital and someone messed up.  They mailed the results to my home address rather than the doctor on base.  The letter I got was totally in Icelandic but 46XY immediately jumped out at me.

[happypamama]

I put "other." I did not want to have an ultrasound tech tell me or show me the gender of my baby, but I knew he was a boy the moment I knew I was pregnant.

 

My husband didn't care if we knew ahead. I had already told him it was a boy, and he just said, "Well, okay then!"

 

How did I know? I knew he was a boy because all the time I was trying to conceive, I kept thinking "I'd better have a girl." I was quite convinced that I would be complete rubbish as a mom to a boy. The Universe has always had a wicked sense of humour toward me.

 

It could be nothing but a boy. ;)

LOL, I always knew I wanted at least one girl and at least one boy, but how much I actually enjoy having boys has been such a lovely surprise to me! They are so much fun, and so sweet to their mamas!

 

Part of the reason we didn't decide to find out is because we thought if any of us had a preference for one over the other, we would do better to confront any disappointment with a cute little baby in our arms, rather than spend the second half of a pregnancy trying to convince someone that it would be okay. DD was hoping for a sister with DS3, but she handled a third brother very well when she actually had him to love on (and oh, do he and she ever adore each other!).

[Catherine]

Never had an ultrasound, but did have CVS for the last, though they did not tell us the sex, at our request.

 

I guessed right all three times. Even the last, when my dh and my mom all thought girl-I guessed right that it was another boy.

 

Catherine

[Audrey]

LOL, I always knew I wanted at least one girl and at least one boy, but how much I actually enjoy having boys has been such a lovely surprise to me! They are so much fun, and so sweet to their mamas!

I agree!  I also think I make a pretty decent mom for a boy -- my boy, at least.  :D

[Dandelion]

Yes, I wanted to know, and did find out for both DS and DD. 

[AHASRADA]

I always wanted to know. I thrive on planning ahead, and feel out of control if I'm not able to. Of course I wanted to know the gender so I could purchase clothing, decorate the nursery and focus in on names.

 

I did know the gender for babies 1 and 3. For #2, they weren't able to see on the ultrasound. At least, ds was only 3 so we still had all his baby boy stuff if it was a boy. The baby would be rooming with ds, so there was no decorating to do. I bought a few neutral outfits and a couple girl things just in case. When she turned out to be a dd, everyone gave me girl clothes as gifts, so it worked out.

 

I was very relieved to know ahead of time with #1 (1st baby, lots of stuff to buy) and #3 (bonus baby 10 years after 2nd and all baby stuff was long gone, plus a tougher time coming up with a name).

[musicianmom]

Well, Ds was unplanned and a total shock for a few reasons, not the least of which that I had never before conceived without pharmaceutical assistance. So my excuse for finding out was, "He's already given us enough of a surprise."

[Donna]

I didn't want to find out with my first so we didn't know. I figured it was one of the very few times in my life where I would have a true surprise and I loved it. I did find out for the other two...more for practical/planning reasons.

[Melissa in Australia]

we left each child as a surprise.  As soon as I walked into the ultrasound room I would tell the technician to please avoid that area as we wanted it to be a surprise. When people would ask DH what we were having he would tell them a bundle of joy

[MissKNG]

We found out before birth. To us, finding out the baby's gender is a surprise anytime (birth or at the ultrasound). I am a planner and wanted to set up the nursery and buy clothing, etc for the correct gender. Not neutral colors. So for planning/practical reasons, we found out ahead of time.

[DawnM]

I think it was more in the 80s that it became more common, not the late 90s. I am trying to look it up but don't have a lot of time this am.

 

When I was preg. in 1997 (ended up miscarrying with that pregnancy) it was very routine.

 

Dawn

 

 

I have to admit, I had a hard time sympathizing with her.  That was 1997; I am not sure but I think it was still pretty new then to be able to find out.   (I could be wrong on that.)   None of my siblings, who are older than me and started having kids in 1977, knew ahead of time.

 

 

I suppose there are people who choose not to know who are baffled by those who do.  It's just a preference, like sweet or unsweet tea.

[Cinder]

That was 1997; I am not sure but I think it was still pretty new then to be able to find out.  

 

I think it was more in the 80s that it became more common, not the late 90s. I am trying to look it up but don't have a lot of time this am.

 

When I was preg. in 1997 (ended up miscarrying with that pregnancy) it was very routine.

 

Dawn

 

 

It was definitely common in 1994. Just did some quick searching on the history of u/s use and haven't come up with anything yet.

 

[WistfulRidge]

I've never had any preference as to whether we had a boy or a girl so it didn't matter to me whether or not we found out before the birth. DH really likes having it be a surprise (and honestly, when I was pregnant with DS1 I was surprised that he didn't want to know before hand - I'd never met anyone else before that wanted a surprise!)  We got a lot of grief/pestering over this during my first pregnancy but now our families/friends have gotten used to it.

 

It was harder to keep it a surprise with our first (traditional OB care), and in fact, our OB forgot that we wanted a surprise and let it slip that we were having a boy during an ultrasound right before I was induced. DS2 and DS3 were both homebirths with a midwife and I opted out of having an ultrasound both times - made it much easier to keep the surprise a surprise.

[AHASRADA]

That was 1997; I am not sure but I think it was still pretty new then to be able to find out. (I could be wrong on that.)

DS was born at the very end of 1996. Ultrasound and determining gender was definitely routine "back then".

[LucyStoner]

We didn't want to know the first time around and no one, not even our doctor knew.  I had 1 ultrasound at 9 weeks that time around- this was before the genetic screening stuff included an ultrasound.  I was 22 and very low risk.  

 

We did want to know the second time around and after my numerous recurrent miscarriages I had so many ultrasounds that it was easy to find out.  

[Murphy101]

DS was born at the very end of 1996. Ultrasound and determining gender was definitely routine "back then".

Yep. My first was born in 1995 and it was the norm for everyone then too.

[ElizabethB]

We did not want to know but were required for medical reasons to find out. (Sex linked genetic disease that they treat the birth of a boy with a different level of care.)

 

When people would say they liked to be surprised and we would explain why we did too but couldn't, people would get very quiet. Finally, we stopped explaining and just said nothing, it was awkward otherwise.

[TammyinTN]

With our first we didn't know.  With our second they got the sex wrong.  Our third had many ultrasounds so we knew as I was a high risk and dh was deployed for 6 months of the pregnancy. 

[MrsJewelsRae]

We wanted to find out with our first but weren't allowed (nurse said it wasn't "medically necessary"), I felt it was a boy and was right! :) The surprise was wonderful in the delivery room, but the wait was torture for me, I hate gender neutral stuff and I badly wanted to buy clothes and decorate a nursery. The gender did not matter in the least, ever, I can't imagine caring about that, especially after infertility and miscarriages. For my second baby we went to a different ultrasound clinic and found out at 20 weeks it was a girl. Oh my, did I ever have fun with that! I bought so many pink and purple things, bedding, nursery planning, diaper and blanket sewing, it was so much fun! I loved knowing who she was. :) We had it confirmed at 24 weeks with another ultrasound after I was in a car accident, so we were pretty certain. Even if they were wrong in the end, I would have been pretty surprised but seeing that baby, holding them, feeling that miraculous love coursing through every vein, the sex wouldn't have mattered at all. We didn't tell anyone but close family and my best friend that we were having a girl, so we still got to surprise everyone else.

 

With our 3rd, it took a long time to get pg (3+ yrs) and I knew I was not likely to be able to get pg again due to my endo and PCOS and all the treatments it took to finally get pg. I didn't know what to do, find out or be surprised. At our first ultrasound I was watching the baby move around and I said "oh! I know what that is! It's a boy!! Right?" She confirmed it was. I was not disappointed. :) We didn't tell a single soul (dh and I) the whole pg, I kept every purchase hidden, so we surprised everyone again.

 

If I get pg (please please) again I'll probably find out and tell everyone! :)

[DawnM]

Your grandbabies are adorable!

 

With our first we didn't know.  With our second they got the sex wrong.  Our third had many ultrasounds so we knew as I was a high risk and dh was deployed for 6 months of the pregnancy.