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(kind of long)Vent: I have never before been sorry to have invited someone for supper


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:iagree:

 

 

Of all the rude-guest stories I have heard over the years, this is the top of the list. I am gobsmacked.

 

She made you feel like pasture flop. Don't accept it. You went above and beyond as a hostess. The issues are hers, not yours.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

:iagree:

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There are people in this world who cannot be happy. They cannot relax and enjoy themselves. They hate to see other people who are able to do that.

She is certainly one of these, and with mental illness issues to book, I would think.

I'm sure your meal was wonderful. I'd go with what the (normal sounding) husband did and said and ignore the crazy-@ss wife.

:grouphug:

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I have absolutely no problem agreeing with you, Audrey. She was beyond rude.

 

Wait. . . I don't agree with you on one thing - you have absolutely no reason to feel like pasture flop. You were beyond courteous and kind in letting her know all the ingredients in detail before the meal.

 

:iagree: That was beyond rude. I can't wrap my head around her requesting the menu. Really? We have some dietary restrictions and I would never think of doing something like that. I would offer to bring something that was "safe" for my family to eat.

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:iagree: :iagree:

 

If I were in your place, I definitely wouldn't be inviting them over again, ever, and I just might tell her so!

 

:iagree: I think I would let her know that I didn't need her cooking lessons but possibly gift her with an etiquette book.

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How awful! I can't imagine why she would have a rational reason to do such a rude thing and you acted like a perfect host, asking for food allergies or special diets.

 

I have a child (my youngest) with a rare allergy - everything citrus including foods that have citric acid, sodium citrate, and potassium citrate. So I do ask about foods mainly because if it made with a processed food, it is likely to be suspect. Other than most fruits, the main problem we have is with preservatives and flavorings. So the one thing she can eat normally is homemade baked products. She can also eat beans that aren't in tomato sauce since they are always preserved with some other preservatives. She can also also eat salads, meats, root vegetables, apples,pears, and many other things. BUt we don't make a fuss. We make sure there will be food for her or have her bring something. Like the strange thing is what she can eat at fast food places. SHe can eat a lot at Burger King but much fewer choices at McDonalds. Chick Fil A is out.

 

But this lady was just plain rude. Don't invite them back.

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I have absolutely no problem agreeing with you, Audrey. She was beyond rude.

 

Wait. . . I don't agree with you on one thing - you have absolutely no reason to feel like pasture flop. You were beyond courteous and kind in letting her know all the ingredients in detail before the meal.

 

What Jean said.

 

no wonder this family is having trouble getting to know people.

 

I am so very sorry you had to go through that, and that this woman never had anyone teach her better manners than that.

 

And, fwiw, I so wish I lived closer to you; you always seem on the boards like a most fun, interesting, enjoyable sort of person.

 

:grouphug:

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The dad never said a word about anything his wife did. He ate everything. Thanked us for a great meal. The kids were polite and thanked us. She thanked us, then offered to teach me how to cook.

 

I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I feel like I never want to have another soul over for supper ever again.

 

FWIW, my dh has already said they're not going to be invited back, but still... I feel like a piece of pasture-flop. :sad:

 

Umm... and I think this might be a JAWM post, so ya know... if you really don't like me already, could you just save trashing me for another thread? Thanks.

 

YOU shouldn't be embarrassed at all! Wow, I haven't heard of such rude behavior from anyone in a looong time.

 

Me thinks she might be mentally ill. Or just a jerk.

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no no, the cows don't eat that slop - those are perfect for hogs. Audrey? do you have any hogs?

 

I know. I meant after it had composted & turned into dirt, use the dirt in the field.... Obviously, I'm not a farming type so my intentions haven't come out clearly.... :tongue_smilie: :lol:

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I can't even imagine what that must have felt like as the hostess. After you went to all the trouble to find out about allergies and whatnot, and then she acted like that?!

 

Honestly if I were you, I'd probably feel a mixture of hurt and mad. Then I'd feel so sorry for her husband and kids.

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I have absolutely no problem agreeing with you, Audrey. She was beyond rude.

 

Wait. . . I don't agree with you on one thing - you have absolutely no reason to feel like pasture flop. You were beyond courteous and kind in letting her know all the ingredients in detail before the meal.

 

:iagree:

 

Jeez, what the heck is wrong with people. AND what the heck is wrong with pasture beef? What she want? Corn fed beef.. bleh.

 

People need to just get over themselves. We ate dinner at another families house once. The food tasted like it had dish soap in it and you could smell it on the dishes. We all ate one plate and thanked them. Never said a word.

 

I am indignant for you.

 

I would pull up the big girl panties (as my mama used to tell me) and not give her another thought of your time. It isn't worth it and I can (almost) guarantee you that she isn't giving you one nano-second of her time.

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Could she have been misinformed about what beef is of better quality? Pasture fed is "too bad"????

Now you may know why they are having trouble meeting people. After the first time, most may reconsider...

Rude does not even describe it.

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I have not read all the replies, but Audrey, please know that you were beyond gracious. That woman wouldn't have made it past the first send-me-an-email request with me.

 

I have a feeling that NOTHING you could have served would have made her happy; seems she was determined to find fault.

 

Too bad for her husband and kids. Now stop beating yourself up! Just go cook yourself and your family your favorite meal with all the forbidden ingredients!

 

:grouphug:

 

ps I have to tell you that I am SO VERY IMPRESSED that you could comply with her initial requests anyway - I wouldn't have begun to know what to serve!

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:blink::blink:

 

Wow. I don't usually reply to posts... I couldn't leave this one without letting you know YOU WIN!! It's the crazy guest of the year award... Heck you might even have one it for the century! I've never heard of anyone being so rude! I'm astonished.

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Maybe she was just looking for an excuse not to eat the meat? Almost all beef cattle (in the US, anyway) are pastured—including conventionally raised beef cattle, which are finished on grain but spend the majority of their lives on pasture. I see cattle every day grazing in the fields around where we live, and they are not technically "grass-fed."

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But it happened tonight. :sad:

 

There is a new-ish family that moved in to town. They have a boy about my son's age and one just a bit younger. The dad of the family works for the RM, as does my dh part-time. Dh suggested we have them over since the dad had said they were having a hard time getting to know people.

 

So, I phoned up the mom about a week and a half ago and invited them over, inquiring as to which date would work best for them. As I always do when I invite people over, I asked her "is there anything special you'd like to eat, or anything that you can't eat?" She just asked for my email and said she would get back to me.

 

So... I wasn't even sure if that was a yes or not. Days go by and no phone call reply or email. We hadn't made a specific date, and I was thinking that the non-response was probably a "no" in disguise. That was sort of okay with me. She doesn't know me. Maybe she's a little shy. That's okay.

 

But, then I got an email from her on Wednesday saying they'd come on Saturday and with a list of things they can't eat. No dairy, no gluten, no seafood, no brassicas, no nightshades, no artificials colours, etc. etc.

 

I looked at it and thought "okay... sounds like allergies and maybe a theraputic ADHD diet." No problem. What I'd been thinking of making just needed a couple of substitutes to make it fit the list.

 

She emailed again this afternoon and asked for the menu. I called her to tell her and she just wanted me to email it. :confused: She didn't even let me tell her on the phone. So, I emailed it -- steaks, from our own beef, grilled veggies (no brassicas, no nightshades), 3-bean salad all from scratch (I listed all the dressing ingredients), a green salad and fruit salad for dessert. She emailed back to say that was okay.

 

Then they came, and all through the meal she picked at every single morsel on her plate and on the kids' plates and picked out tiny bits that she'd put on their napkin to "throw out later." She asked a million questions about the beef and when dh said they were pastured, she said "oh well, too bad!" and scraped the rest of the meat off her plate and the kids plates into their napkins.

 

The dad never said a word about anything his wife did. He ate everything. Thanked us for a great meal. The kids were polite and thanked us. She thanked us, then offered to teach me how to cook.

 

I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I feel like I never want to have another soul over for supper ever again.

 

FWIW, my dh has already said they're not going to be invited back, but still... I feel like a piece of pasture-flop. :sad:

 

Umm... and I think this might be a JAWM post, so ya know... if you really don't like me already, could you just save trashing me for another thread? Thanks.

Wow. That's just amazing.

 

I'm curious how old this Mom is. Sounds like one of the highly entitled generation.

 

Something Grandma-like is about to come out of my ...fingers here: In my day, you went to dinner with gratitude for being invited, ate whatever was set before you (or brought an item, if allergy problem) and enjoyed the company.

 

You went far and above the call to even ask her about allergies (though many people do this today, and I would too), but to be required to email the menu and then be told you would be taught how to cook in your own home.....WOW. I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face with that one.

 

Unbelievable.

 

And your menu sounded great, by the way. I'd happily eat it. Gee, my vegetarian daughter would happily eat it or keep her mouth shut about what she didn't want, graciously saying, "Oh, I'm not a big meat eater, but it looks delicious" or something like that. But most of all, we'd be thankful you went to the trouble and invited us over.

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ps I have to tell you that I am SO VERY IMPRESSED that you could comply with her initial requests anyway - I wouldn't have begun to know what to serve!

 

:iagree: I felt anxious just reading about her restrictions and would have been incredibly stressed out worrying about what to serve them. The fact that she made no acknowledgment of the time and care that went into preparing the meal and then actually had the gaul to pick at it, hide it in a napkin, and criticize Audrey's cooking is disturbing. I think the PP who suggested she may have an eating disorder of some kind is onto something. This behavior just isn't normal and goes beyond simple rudeness.

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:lol: That's not funny, but oh gosh - it is so funny!! She stole napkins?? What a total nut job. Audrey, I don't drink. But my goodness, if you do drink, please go have one right now. You deserve it.

 

Susan

I'm sorry, but I laughed too....she put you through all this AND STOLE YOUR NAPKINS???

 

What a perfect ending to the day....lol

 

This will be a funny family story for years to come, once you get past the shock of it.

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IUnder normal circumstances, I would have been happy to discuss it, but was just too embarrassed.

 

There's absolutely nothing for you to be embarrassed about. I think you went beyond accommodating her dietary requests. I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to serve and would've just dropped dinner plans. You were wonderfully sweet and generous and kind.

 

 

I'm echoing everyone else but am compelled to post anyway. Normal people do not behave this way. Most offer to at least bring something, particularly if they are dealing with a more restrictive diet.

 

And even if her pasture-fed beef concerns were environmental, it would be pointless to then throw away the meat. :confused:

 

Did she have any sort of conversation with you before eating? What other flags did she show?

 

 

It would be interesting to see what she'd fix at her house. It appears this was the best homecooked meal her dh's eaten in a loong time. But I'd also half expect her to serve Little Caesar's Pizza and Top Ramen. With KoolAid. (Doesn't everyone know someone who acts so superior but never lives it out?!)

 

Jaw dropping rudeness on her part, really. Fascinating to read the thread.

 

:iagree: I think I would let her know that I didn't need her cooking lessons but possibly gift her with an etiquette book.

Yes, this. This is a good idea, and I honestly don't think it'd be rude on your part.

Edited by ThisIsTheDay
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I'm late to the party and haven't read any replies, but I just wanted to say that you treated this family really, really nicely, and that meal sounds DELICIOUS! Pastured beef, from-scratch bean salad, AND you accommodated their food needs?!? I would be so grateful that you invited my family over, and "thank you" doesn't seem like enough for that incredible meal. I'm so sorry she was so rude.

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:iagree: I felt anxious just reading about her restrictions and would have been incredibly stressed out worrying about what to serve them. The fact that she made no acknowledgment of the time and care that went into preparing the meal and then actually had the gaul to pick at it, hide it in a napkin, and criticize Audrey's cooking is disturbing. I think the PP who suggested she may have an eating disorder of some kind is onto something. This behavior just isn't normal and goes beyond simple rudeness.

 

:iagree: I'm so sorry you had such an awful guest! I would have LOVED to come and eat your delicious meal and hang out with you. She must be completely crazy...that was beyond rude. What a slap in the face!! The nerve!!

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I still just can't believe she acted like that after the kindness you showed her in emailing her the menu and the list of ingredients, preparing it all from scratch, and accomodating her needs. I deeply sympathize with those who have dietary restrictions, but I would have had no idea what to cook. You were so kind and gracious, and you were able to put together a very healthy, delicious meal. Mmm...I love a good steak and grilled veggies!!:drool5:

 

I'm so glad your hubby is on your side and said she can't come back!

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Something Grandma-like is about to come out of my ...fingers here: In my day, you went to dinner with gratitude for being invited, ate whatever was set before you (or brought an item, if allergy problem) and enjoyed the company.

 

Last night DH and I went to a friend's house for dinner. That was the first time we'd ever been over to their house and we were taking Little Librarian and her cousin. We told the kids beforehand that we didn't know what they were serving but whatever it was they were to eat it with a smile and not complain. I told them that I hated liver with every fiber of my being but if they served liver I was going to eat it happily. Because like TranquilMind's Grandma would way that's the right way to do it. Ugh. That woman was a pill. On the plus side Audrey has a story that she'll laugh about ... someday.

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I have absolutely no problem agreeing with you, Audrey. She was beyond rude.

 

Wait. . . I don't agree with you on one thing - you have absolutely no reason to feel like pasture flop. You were beyond courteous and kind in letting her know all the ingredients in detail before the meal.

 

Good grief! Jean said it all. You should NOT be feeling bad, you should be feeling indignant! What a terribly, horribly rude guest! You went above and beyond. I'd be thrilled to have that meal at your house.

 

Don't feel badly; just be grateful it's done and she's gone.

 

:grouphug:

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Rude.

 

:grouphug: for your efforts and the hurts she caused.

 

A part of me is dying to know what she could possibly teach you about cooking????? What is in her head???

 

I've gone from appalled, to laughing, to really sad. Is it possible for your dh to say to the woman's husband that her behavior is...ahem...not normal.... I'm wondering if the dude realizes just how far off base the lady is. My television/novel earned psych degree tells me she needs HELP before she passes on her ickiness to her children.

 

Hugs again! I hope you are smiling about it all today.

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Goodness. I think she should not eat at people's houses. The people I know with complex dietary needs are generally very accommodating and happy to, for instance, bring their own food with them. I think you were incredibly considerate, but she was not. You tried. Now, don't do it again.

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So we're all in agreement? Audrey's for dinner tonight? We'll be sending you our list of restrictions and make sure you buy extra cloth napkins for us all to take home as hostess gifts :lol:

 

 

Seriously, I've been thinking about this again this morning and I don't think even my own FAMILY would be as accommodating as you were :grouphug:

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I really appreciate your kind replies. I thought I was a little off-my-rocker, and I've got clinically mentally ill people in my family and always have, and I thought I'd seen pretty much all the (non-violent) crazy you could see.

 

Last night just floored me.

 

I do realize there must be other issues at play with her, and I do feel sorry for the husband and kids -- who all seemed quite polite, happy to be there and gracious. Neither the husband or the kids questioned anything she did though. They seemed quite unperturbed by it all.

 

To answer a few questions that y'all had:

 

She did not make much conversation that wasn't about the food. She mostly asked questions about how things were prepared. She was incredibly interested in the bean salad. I hadn't wanted to risk additives, so I did not use any canned beans. I bought some fresh green beans, then cooked the kidney beans and chickpeas from dried. The dressing was all from scratch (oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, sugar -- nothing fancy). She was very concerned about the sugar. I hadn't thought that could be a problem. She let them eat it anyway.

 

She laughed that I hadn't dressed the green salad. I hadn't done that because I figured it would be safer to make a few dressings and let them choose from those or the couple of bottled dressings I had (again, I was not sure about additives, so tried to offer variety). When we got to the meat, she offered no explanation for why pastured was bad. Just made her statement and hurriedly scraped away.

 

She is neither very thin, nor obese. I would say she has a "mommy-average" figure on a medium-height frame. The kids are thin, but not skinny. My own ds is thin, but I don't think he's skinny. Her boys are like that. The dh is also kind of average weight for his height, I think.

 

If she does invite us, I will accept, but I won't make any demands on her. Dh has me convinced that it could be a lot of fun, or if not fun, then an interesting sociological observational opportunity. I would like to observe the creature in her natural habitat and under her usual conditions. ;)

 

I thought of several things: OCD, previous food issues, other mental illness, but neither the OCD or other mental illness that I've ever seen could quite explain the level of rudeness she showed.

 

I do want to laugh about it. Right now, I'm past the hurt stage and into the p*ssed off stage, but even that is waning. My dh and ds are already making silly jokes about it. My ds asked me this morning, "Mommy, is she what you mean when you say 'must be nuts because crackers don't rattle that loud?' "

 

And, you know what? I think it might be.

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I do realize there must be other issues at play with her, and I do feel sorry for the husband and kids -- who all seemed quite polite, happy to be there and gracious. Neither the husband or the kids questioned anything she did though. They seemed quite unperturbed by it all.

 

 

They are probably quite used to it and might have been dying inside of embarrassment, but what is showing that or questioning her behavior going to buy them? Probably more problems.

 

eta: That question wasn't for you, Audrey. I didn't think you were saying they should have said something, just that they seemed to think it was normal. However, I bet they know it's not.

Edited by LeslieAnneLevine
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but I agree that this lady was rude, rude, rude, possibly mentally ill. It sounds like a lovely dinner, and as a person with celiac, I think you took extra painstaking care to make sure the food was within the limits of what they could eat. It sounds like it was a delicious meal!

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but I agree that this lady was rude' date=' rude, rude, possibly mentally ill. It sounds like a lovely dinner, and as a person with celiac, I think you took extra painstaking care to make sure the food was within the limits of what they could eat. It sounds like it was a delicious meal![/quote']

 

:iagree:

 

 

Your meal sounds lovely! Could you share your bean salad recipe?

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Audrey, I read this last night, but could not reply till today. I agree that it sounds like she has a lot of issues at play. You should not be embarrassed at all; I think you are probably one of the most gracious hostesses ever (and would love to have eaten anything you would have prepared). Her husband was most likely trying to keep things as non-confrontational and "normal appearing" as possible. I feel for him and the kids. I hope she gets the help she needs, but I have to say, as long as they are eating something (and at least it's not the opposite extreme of eating tons of junk), this is probably mild compared to other issues she could have latched onto. Eating disorders/food obsession is a very difficult thing to deal with.

 

Humourous side note: my four year old came up a couple of minutes ago while I was reading one of your posts. He got really excited about your signature. "Mommy...it's a Christmas Star!" :lol:

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