Do you try to make Christmas gifts "equal" for your kids?

[Rhonda in TX]

I work hard to make things as equal as possible between my two kids. At least, the appearance of equal. I don't match dollar for dollar, but do try to make sure the number/quality of gifts are pretty much the same. DH just kind of rolls his eyes at this. Am I that unusual?

 

I'll point out that DH is an only child, so there was never any type of comparisons growing up. Also, his mom makes no effort to make things equal. She's very generous with us and the kids, but that can really vary from year to year. A few years back DS got a ton of very nice gifts and DD got... pajamas. A lot of pajamas, but still... It was strange. MIL doesn't see it and neither does DH.

 

So... do you or don't you worry about equality of gifts? Am I weird and worrying about this too much?

[learningmama]

I totally understand. We only get the kids a few gifts since they get a TON from the Grandparents and others. But, I like to get each 3 things or so. Total price spent is about the same. My mom use to spend the same amount of $ on my brother and I give or take.

[Jennifer in MI]

That is awkward because it's nothing you can really control. :grouphug:

 

In our family, no. I don't try to keep it even at all. My olders want things that simply cost more. Dd and ds11 don't care or need stuff.

 

But it would be really hard if outside family members were so different!

[ProudGrandma]

Within our own family, I try extra hard to make sure our 3 kids have the same number of gifts and that the price is comparable...my parents and my in-laws, my siblings and my husbands siblings are amazing....I give them an idea or two, they follow the idea and maybe add something small to go with it, and that is it. They have the means, but they don't go over board...it is nice that Christmas isn't all about gifts...it's Christ and then family....and then gifts.

[J-rap]

We've always tried to make it fairly equal. If we had a year where we couldn't spend as much, then everyone had smaller/less gifts, equally!

[Mommyof4ks]

I try to make things equal, but sometimes the kids ask for things that make it unequal. Legos are expensive, so it takes a lot to even that out for my older dd. She likes cheaper things.

[HappyCrazyMama]

The number of gifts is usually equal and to a certain degree the type of gifts (something to wear, a want, a need, something to read, & something to play with) but older kids gifts cost more. My mom was adamant about the money and the number of gifts be the same between my sister and I growing up I think that must have been stressful, I was 7 years older but she was raised with a lot of favoritism in her family and she was not the favorite :( so nothing less would be right in her eyes.

[Unicorn.]

Not weird at all. I try to keep things fairly equal. They all get the same # of gifts, and I may alternate on spending a little more on one, if there is something special for one of them, but price/value is fairly close.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Yes. I don't really even up the amt. spent, but the types of gifts. If the olders get children's classics then the youngers might get board books. Or if the olders get a Vision Forum or American Girl Doll the youngers might get a nice quality doll from Target. Not the same monetarily, but comparable. I do not do favoritism. At. All.

[iamrachelle]

Same here... I don't necessarily spend the same amount of money on each of them but I do try to match up the number of gifts.

 

My oldest DD is an avid reader and would rather have a book any day of the week (cheaper) and my son is a lego fanatic so we usually try to contribute to the obsession over the holidays (definitely more expensive).

[T'smom]

Older kids gifts can cost more- but I try (and will always try) to have an equal "wow" factor.

[gardenmom5]

My mother was obsessed with "equal", and I assure you, it did not make her children have any better feelings towards each other.

 

you know what, kids are different. their needs are different.

 

I spend approx the same on each, but the number of packages varied. (some years there were huge discrepencies in how much was spent, but if a specific child had a need - as opposed to a want - for something . . . . we were willing to blow a budget. )

 

I do try to have similar items/number in their stockings. (hey, they really only care about the chocolate in there anyway . . . . they almost couldn't care less about anything else I might tuck in.:glare:)

[smilesonly]

oh my goodness, yes.;)

[Chris in VA]

I have some baggage from my childhood about gifts, but I do try to make things pretty equal. I can get overly emotional based on other people's expressions and feelings, and I just hate looking over at a child who is trying to be cheerful about it but is noticing they didn't get as much or as cool a gift or what they wanted (but Brother did).

 

One year we really blew it--we got one son a weight bench and weights, and cleaned out a basement storage room to make a weight room. It was a room for both of them, but clearly for him to work out in. The other son got an electronic globe (which wasn't asked for). It was way too young for him, but I didn't understand that. Huge disparity--I felt awful ("What WAS I THINKING???") afterwards. I try to keep it even.

[2squared]

No. They each get similar "WOW" factor. I don't try to spend the same $ or have the same # of presents. They each get gifts in number and expense tailored to their preferences and ages so I consider that fair but not equal.

 

My 7yo is getting a pocketknife and slingshot for Christmas, but I didn't buy comparable weapons for the others. KWIM? The girls are getting hair and makeup type gifts, but I didn't get the 3yo as much as the 9yo.

 

They are all getting bedding for Christmas, so I did make that fair and equal. :D

[tabrizia]

Mine are still young, but I do try to keep the number of gifts about even, that being said, I don't really worry about cost, yes I am not having all of one child's gifts be from the dollar store and one child's gifts all be from The Expensive Store, but if DS gets a couple of sets of $1 army men DD might get a couple of my little ponies instead. I try to buy things that fit their personalities, needs and wants, which means that the older two have a lot more spent on them this year then the baby, but next year the baby could end up with more expensive gifts then the other two.

[Caitilin]

Older kids gifts can cost more- but I try (and will always try) to have an equal "wow" factor.

 

Yes, this is the way I tend to think of it as well.

[i.love.lucy]

Yes. I don't really even up the amt. spent, but the types of gifts. If the olders get children's classics then the youngers might get board books. Or if the olders get a Vision Forum or American Girl Doll the youngers might get a nice quality doll from Target. Not the same monetarily, but comparable. I do not do favoritism. At. All.

 

That's like us too. There's a big difference between an 11yo girl and a 7yo boy, so about all I can do is keep quantity about equal, and in some cases the type. Like this year both kids are getting boots, and jammies, and a bible. But the rest is a few toys for the boy and girly clothes for the girl.

[PhotoGal]

My kids are pretty close in age, so I do make sure that things are equal. I will even get them the exact same things if it makes sense. Dd will notice any discrepency, believe me! Anyway, it makes it more fun for me to shop. For example, if I find a puzzle that one would like it is fun to search out and find a puzzle for the other one. They also get a lot of combined gifts (board games, etc.).

 

The extended family does not always balance it and it can be a problem. For some reason, ds always gets active toys that he can play with (examples: nerf blaster or legos) and dd will get something you can wear or look at (examples: princess book or glittery shoes). Dd would much rather have the active toys. Then she is sitting watching while ds is playing with his stuff. It is a bit of a problem.

[Cammie]

Older kids gifts can cost more- but I try (and will always try) to have an equal "wow" factor.

 

 

:iagree: I have no idea how many gifts each child gets so I guess I don't focus on equal. I do focus on getting great things for each kid. Of course, I think they end up being pretty equal but Christmas is often so over the top here that I don't know the numbers.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I try to make sure that each of the children will feel that their gifts are as good as the other kids'. I don't want any of them to feel overlooked. If your DH and MIL don't see it, maybe it's because they don't see how your children will interpret those gifts.

[*Lulu*]

Yes and no, we have a family plan for Christmas gifts that we've used since DS#1 was born. Each child gets 1 gift and stocking from Santa, 1 toy/gift, 1 book, 1 group gift, and 1 gift from siblings.

 

I usually stay close in the total amounts spent, but I do not worry if one child's toy is 20, and another child's cost 40. (That is assuming the "wow" factor is equal.)

[Rhonda in TX]

Thanks, everyone! Good input and opinions. And nice to see I'm not unusual. :)

 

I agree about the "wow" factor. I try to make that the same. It's not something I worried about so much when the kids were younger, but now that they are teenagers...

[Guest]

I work hard to make things as equal as possible between my two kids. At least, the appearance of equal. I don't match dollar for dollar, but do try to make sure the number/quality of gifts are pretty much the same. DH just kind of rolls his eyes at this. Am I that unusual?

 

I'll point out that DH is an only child, so there was never any type of comparisons growing up. Also, his mom makes no effort to make things equal. She's very generous with us and the kids, but that can really vary from year to year. A few years back DS got a ton of very nice gifts and DD got... pajamas. A lot of pajamas, but still... It was strange. MIL doesn't see it and neither does DH.

 

So... do you or don't you worry about equality of gifts? Am I weird and worrying about this too much?

 

I aim to keep the appearance of equality. It's never going to be exactly equal; the 7yo just doesn't need things that are on par with the cell phone the 14yo wants, but I always have one "big" thing for each kid and then about the equal number of smaller gifts.

 

My mother does the same thing your MIL does and I really don't like it.

[Donna]

When everyone was younger I tried to make sure they had the same number to unwrap and each had one "big" gift. The past few years, the boys are old enough to understand that what they want costs more and their sister is younger and until this year still believed in Santa so we made Christmas more magical for her. All their lists are short this year so they each are getting what they want for Christmas...it isn't equal money-wise or number-wise but they'll all be happy anyway.

[DawnM]

My 7 year old is obsessed with the number of gifts and doesn't really get money at all. But this year he is asking for more expensive things!!!!!!! So there is no way to get him a large number.

 

I am getting books too this year and that will fill some of the numbers.

 

I try to spend the same, but it isn't always equal.

 

Dawn

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Yep. With the kids being so close in age, I do try to at least make the piles look even.

[teachermom2834]

Roughly equal but not exactly.

 

3yo doesn't "get it" at all so no worries. I'm not going to spend time and money filling in for her.

 

Boys all get something similar in "wow" factor. This year middle ds is getting a phone. It will cost nearly nothing to put under the tree and add him to my current plan. He will have a huge "wow" factor though. I'm not going to spend extra money to fill in because that is an awesome gift and he will likely have the biggest "wow" factor in the family. Other boys will get great gifts that they want but $$ is not equal.

[MamaT]

I have always tried to keep things pretty even in $ amount and number of gifts, especially once they get to 10yo and up. The number of gifts don't have to be exact any more (I used to be pretty OCD about that), but I make sure they're roughly the same.

[CalicoKat]

Yes, there's a smaller gift, medium gift, and an expensive gift.

 

I think my oldest daughter will be surprised by her expensive gift. I'm not sure she'll realize it was expensive (for us). She asked for a pair of Bear Paw or Ugg suede boots. She's turning 13 and her foot size hasn't grown in the past year.

[LucyStoner]

Equal in percieved value, to the child? Heck yes. I do not want to have either child feel less important. Equal in dollars spent? Not necessarily.

 

For example, my older son is getting a iPod Touch for Christmas that is handed down for my husband (but like new, we recently got iPhones via work discount and he no longer needed an iPod Touch so we added some apps and a case in his fave color plus the Lego life of george set and wrapped it up). My younger son's equivalent gift cost much less than the cost of not selling the iPod ($100 on the low end) plus the apps and case ($35) plus the Lego life of George to use with it ($30). It is a Leapster Explorer we got for $42+ $20 for BOGO games less coupon. Another example would be books. Paperbacks my older son wants might be $3-6 a pop. Picture books for my younger son can be closer to $8-15 each depending. But I consider them equal gifts. My younger son's main santa gift cost us $42 and has a retail value of $100 or so. His second Santa gift cost $5.50. My older son's Santa presents cost just $31 between the two of them. But they will be equally excited so I consider them equal gifts.

 

You can see if you think it is equal on my pinterest board: http://pinterest.com/kijip/holiday-glut/

Edited December 11, 2011 by kijipt

[Mommyfaithe]

My little guys get equal...and mostly duplicate, but another color.

The older kids that live at home want things that cost more.....so they have less to open...but more of a YIPPEE! They also get the younger kids presents.

 

My older kids who do not live at home anymore get 1 gift...and it usually is not a biggie. We all really focus on the little ones....the older kids had their turn and now have fun making Christmas fun for the littlies.

 

Faithe

[rhrice3]

My parents and grandparents were always very fair about their gifts for all of us. My husband's family not so much which often causes bad feelings so my husband has always been more aware of it than myself.

 

We have always tried to spend equally on the kids, but I think that it can become difficult when some are much older, etc. Mostly, we have always tried to get them what they REALLY wanted - which usually was not much. I think that is so much more important (if it is reasonable and affordable to you). I mean, what kid does not want to wish for something from Santa and get it!!

 

Merry Christmas to you and yours,

ReneeR

[Lady Florida.]

Our older son was already an adult when ds was born, so the gifts are very different. However, my mother did it, and I never understood it. I don't really know how my brother felt about it, but to me it didn't matter. If what I was hoping for cost $5 and what he wanted cost $50, what did it matter? If I got was I was hoping for I was happy. The cost, the WOW factor, or the number of gifts never mattered to me. Apparently I'm unusual though. I didn't know her attempt to make things even was so common.

[SailorMom]

I tried so hard, for years.

Last year there was a discrepancy of over $100, but both got exactly what they wanted, so I tried ot get over myself.

This year, the discrepancy will be the other way around - so I'm consoling myself that it worked itself out!!!

DH has always thought I was nuts to try so hard to make it even....

[AngieW in Texas]

I try, but it's hard.

 

The oldest has NO interests. She did get an iphone as an early Christmas gift (when we upgraded our phones). Her sisters just got Samsung Replenish, not nearly the same level of phone. Aside from that, the only things she wants for Christmas are itunes gift cards and Visa gift cards.

 

The middle is interested mainly in books, but also in a few video games. All of the games have to be bought used because they aren't made any more. I can typically buy her entire list for less than $100.

 

The youngest has expensive interests. She desperately wants a banjo (already plays guitar) and more Legos (the architectural sets are quite expensive) and the new Harry Potter Wii game.

 

It's hard to give an appearance of equality at Christmas. I have no idea how I'm going to manage that this year since the only things left on my 18yo's list are gift cards.

[dangermom]

I try to make it even in number and size of presents. My kids are 11 and 8, so we haven't quite gotten to the situation where one kid wants an iPad and it takes 40 Lego sets to balance it out. Since I have two girls, I will often make them contrasting versions of the same thing (this year it's wallets and explorer bags, plus they are each getting a little Star Wars nerf gun so they can fight each other).

[Night Elf]

I've always kept the number of gifts to open to be the same for each child. We unwrap gifts all at the same time. In other words, everyone puts a gift in their lap and we unwrap them simultaneously, then ooohh and aaahhhh over each one. Then repeat the process. We do this because my kids just don't like all eyes on them. And I don't like the free-for-all style where one kid rips through them so quickly that they are left sitting there watching others still going. So yeah, equal number has always played a part in our Christmas planning.

 

Oh, I should add that we have never had gifts from other people under our tree. When the kids were little, we had a family party a few days before Christmas where the kids got small gifts from grandma, great grandma, and one aunt. But as they got older, they just get gift-cards in the mail. The only wrapped gifts they get are the ones we put under the tree for them.

[Denisemomof4]

I do put a lot of effort into making things equal, and I try to spend similar amounts on all. Dh and I usually decide on a set price for each kid before CHristmas.

[happypamama]

I try to make it relatively equal between kids who might notice. I don't necessarily match dollar for dollar, but I try to make it fairly comparable, the main gift. The 3yo doesn't quite notice if his gifts aren't exactly comparable to the big kids' (and last year, with all his cool gifts, his favorite thing was the battery-operated toothbrush in his stocking anyway), and the baby is only getting a couple of gifts this year, because he needs nothing and won't notice anyway. But I wouldn't spend a ton more on DD or DS1 than on the other, and if it looked like one of them had considerably more stuff, I'd put some aside for their birthdays (which aren't too long after Christmas), or I'd package up some things to go together.

[learningmama]

Growing up, my brother and I never noticed. Mom kept the $ equal and we both got a big pile of presents and usually what we wanted. He and I are 6 years apart.

My kids are a little, less than 2 years apart and still young. They don't care, they just want the presents, whether it's one or many more.

I say go for the WOW factor. Little ones don't care. It would be hard to keep a teen vs younger ones presents equal.

In the past, ds gifts fron the grandparents have been "less than" his sister's. The kids did not care, but DH and I noticed and were not happy. But, I do know it is much more fun to shop for little girls IMO, so it is hard for some to keep it under control.

[momofkhm]

I think kids do compare. I know I did when I got old enough to "see" things. But we keep amount spent about equal. Equal amounts because when my girls were the age, they might get only one gift b/c it was an American girl doll. But there was nothing for ~$90 (at the time) that I would have bought for my son. That translates to when you get an older child an iPod but the youngers are still too young for one. But those years that their pile will be small I tend to ask "Do you want this enough that it will be your only present? You siblings will have a bigger pile."

 

I don't think it's weird at all.

[QuirkyKapers]

Yes, there's a smaller gift, medium gift, and an expensive gift.

 

:iagree: So far it has worked out. My kids are 18 months apart so that might make it easier. They usually are looking at similar items.

[Tap]

I go for 'interest equality' not financial or actual count.

 

Ds17 has always been hard to buy for. He doesn't like 'things'. Every gift must have a specific purpose and hold real value for him.

 

ie To buy a new robe, to replace an old one, doesn't make sense to him unless the old item was completely outgrown, or so ruined that it would show a bum.

Due to this, he ALWAYS has fewer presents than dd13. Who loves absolutely Anything. But, the things he does like....are usually quite expensive, so that helps to balance things out. LOL

 

A $25 book I am getting him, will be just as appreciated as the laptop dd13 is getting this year. Not financially equal, but they will get used just as frequently.

Edited December 11, 2011 by Tap, tap, tap

[TheApprentice]

Not necessarily gift wise, but price wise, I do.

[reign]

Once they are the age where they will notice I would try to keep the total price the same (babies and little kids don't care). My girls are so close in age they are all getting the same thing from me and everybody else. Pretty easy just have to make sure they open them together.

[justamouse]

We match dollar for dollar, and whatever that pans out to be, so be it. The olders get one present, one, really nice, big present (ie, dd16 has some nice watches on her list), and the littles get a lot more. BUT the olders know that their presents are more valuable so they really don't care.

 

It's a budget, and we stick to it.

[mytwomonkeys]

yep. equal, or at least the appearance of equal.

[Munchkins_mama]

We go for equal "WOW" factor. I usually shop the sales so I would never be able to match value to price or whatever for each kid.

 

DD10 is getting a brand new nicer quality sewing machine for her main gift. THe little two are getting pillow pets. haha. The machine costs 10 times as much as the pillows. Buuuut, the littles will go crazy for their gifts. They don't care how much it cost.

[SKL]

I do try for balance. My kids are close in age and they do compare, whether they "should" or not. I am not going to worry about every dollar, but I want it to look balanced.

 

This year I bought 3 big gifts for the girls to share, and a couple things that one dd needed. Now I need to get something for the other dd, to balance it out.