Denisemomof4 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) I hate to keep calling dd my RAD dd. I sometimes call her my little RADish...... a term of endearment, not just a label! I somehow think it sounds ........ I don't know.... more acceptable? Anyway, this week was a HUGE, HUGE turning point for my dd. She has been home with us for almost 7.5 years, and she's never, ever learned to trust us. I know this because when ever she's hurt, she NEVER comes to us for comfort. In fact, it took YEARS for her to CRY when she was hurt! Unfortunately, these are common traits from kids who were severely neglected and/or abuse. I've been working on this with her for YEARS. Also, she rarely speaks her feelings. When she does, half the time you really can't believe what she's saying. It's as if she's saying what she thinks YOU want to hear. Two nights ago I was sitting at the kitchen island when I heard her crying in her bed. It was after 9:00 and I thought for sure she was asleep! I went upstairs, thinking she had a bad dream. She was sobbing hysterically and couldn't talk! I just kept rubbing her back and trying to comfort her. Finally, when she had cried enough to feel better, she had a lot to tell me. A LOT. Things that she'd been keeping bottled up inside forever. Things that bother her. Things that make her happy. Things that make her sad. LOTS and LOTS of stuff. She's NEVER done this before. Ever. Not even close. I brought her downstairs and I just held her in my arms and we talked until after midnight. She decided that she wanted to keep a journal and start to write all her thoughts down, and she wanted to read her journal to me daily. On her first page, she asked FOUR TIMES why her birth mother gave her away. :crying: She also said that her mom (yes, me) works so hard to help her. She said she loves me. And she's decided that like dd11, she wants regular special time alone with me. This is my RAD kid who has rejected me and my love since THE DAY she met me!!!!!!!!!!! I was an emotional wreck all day yesterday. I couldn't get beyond the deep pain to the core of my being, the pain my daughter was feeling. I wish there was something I could do to help her have peace about her birthmom. I hate seeing her with this deep, raw pain. I was near tears all day. Today, I'm just SO grateful that MY DAUGHTER LOVES ME AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME. ALONE. JUST THE TWO OF US. Never. NEVER before. Ever. This is the BIGGEST break through we've ever had with her. In fact, it was SO huge that we woke up dh and told him a lot of what we were discussing! He was as happy as he could be. She has really caused tremendous stress on our family. Heartbreaking stress. It's not like it can all just be erased for him. But me? I think it has been erased for me. Things are just somehow different now. It FEELS different. My heart has been so filled with love for her that it STILL hurts! I've always loved her, but it's just DIFFERENT. The things she said, the deep, personal feelings she shared..... She wants to be able to discuss these things with me freely and regularly. WOW!!! I just can't believe this change has come about!!! I never dreamed she would be like this. And I can TELL that her words are GENUINE!!! And do you know what prompted all of this? Her MEI magazines!!! In the May issue they had a LOT to say about Mother's Day; how it's ok to love two moms, how it's ok to talk about your birth mom, how it's GOOD to talk about your feelings. She's been clutching this magazine for over a week and she just had to get everything out. My poor little dd. I do hope one day she can feel TRUE happiness and peace. I hope some day her scars and pains will be greatly diminished if not altogether GONE. Please celebrate with me. I truly feel that this breakthrough is the most astounding thing I've ever experienced, and I am absolutely FILLED with hope. In the past 24 hours, I can't even tell you how many times she's told me she loves me, and she has been happy to kiss and hug me. It's as if she can't get enough. :001_wub::001_wub::001_wub::001_wub::001_wub::001_wub::001_wub::001_wub: Edited October 14, 2011 by Denisemomof4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Aw. I am in tears reading your post. What an amazing breakthrough for her and for you. :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Oh my goodness, I don't even have the right words to say. :party::cheers2: and some:grouphug: all around! A true blessing for you, mom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 How wonderful! I am so glad to read this! Congratulations, hold onto that moment. :001_smile: I love the radish thing, that is so cute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CindyH in NC Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I hope it just keeps getting better for you and your daughter. Such a touching and hopeful story. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Beautiful!!!! Wow! I am so happy for you. What a glorious breakthrough! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pookamama Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Oh wow, I totally teared up! What an incredible, wonderful, precious blessing!! Congrats! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 That's amazing, Denise. Beyond amazing. Beyond words. That kind of wonderful. I believe that someday, she will come to find peace. She has the support she needs to get there. It will take time, but it will happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Denise, what a sweet post and what a wonderful breakthrough. You have crying many happy tears for you and your family. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: And here's me celebrating with you:party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linguistmama Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wow, that's beyond huge! :party::party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I'm so glad, Denise. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Oh, your post makes me weepy in a happy way. What a momentous breakthrough. I am so happy for you, your family, and especially your little RADish! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I am so happy for you and your dd. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Denise... ever since we finished our adoption training (which included weeks on RAD) last year or the year before... I've always thought of you and your dd and prayed for a breakthrough. Hallelujah!!! I'm weeping and celebrating and bursting with you!!! This is just the most amazing news!!! I hope that you copy your post and print it out and keep it in a safe place so you can read it whenever you want. I'm so so so happy for you!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I'm in tears. So happy for both of you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Great news, Denise, I'm really happy for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Denise...ever since we finished our adoption training (which included weeks on RAD) last year or the year before... I've always thought of you and your dd and prayed for a breakthrough. Hallelujah!!! I'm weeping and celebrating and bursting with you!!! This is just the most amazing news!!! I hope that you copy your post and print it out and keep it in a safe place so you can read it whenever you want. I'm so so so happy for you!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: That is SO, SO sweet, Karyn!!! Thank you!!!!!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I will be printing this all out. You ladies, ALL of you, are wonderful! You're making me cry!!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so happy for your DD! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 :party::party::party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wow, I am so happy for you and your family. :party::thumbup::party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 That's wonderful! :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wonderful news. Thank you for sharing.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wow. I don't even know what to say. Except that the post shows a big breakthrough AND hope for healing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Very cool news. You know I've been rooting for you both. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celia Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I am so incredibly happy for you and your family! Wiping away the tears! From one adoptive family to another, we share your joy! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 This is so wonderful :grouphug: :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 wow, fantastic progress. :grouphug: for your daughter, for everything she's been through. I hope she can find peace and happiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 :party:I have followed your posts over time and could not even beging to imagine the pain you felt. But in today's post I can feel the JOY with you. You had me crying in happiness for you and for your dd. I wish you continued love, comfort, happiness, closeness, attachment and more. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amydavis Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Your post brought tears to my eyes. I feel so happy for you, your daughter, and your family. This is an amazing step, and I can only imagine how overwhelmed with emotion you must feel right now. Thanks you so much for sharing, and I hope your relationship with your dd continues to grow in beautiful ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuckoomamma Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Congratulations to your whole family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 That's beyond awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I'm thrilled for you and your daughter! You are an awesome mom, and it's wonderful that you dd is reaching a point where she's willing to open up to your love! :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 :party: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 :001_smile: thinking about her wondering why her birth mother gave her up.... this is what has helped us " just because someone didn't love you the way you needed doesn't mean they didn't love you the very best they could." :grouphug: moments to treasure! ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wow, what a precious change in your lives!! I am so happy for your family and you in particular. How wonderful to finally be rewarded in the BEST way for your years of selfless love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cloversandlions Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Oh, your post makes me weepy in a happy way. What a momentous breakthrough. I am so happy for you, your family, and especially your little RADish! :) :iagree: That was the exact phrase I was thinking - weepy in a happy way. Such a wonderful, joyful, hopeful time in the lives of you and your daughter, Denise. I'll join you in your celebration; thanks for sharing it with us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Oh Denise! :crying::crying::crying::hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 This is such a happy thing to read, thank you for sharing it! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I always read your posts about you dd. This is just amazing and I am just filled with hope for all of you.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 :grouphug: and :001_smile: What a huge trial to overcome at such a young age! Certainly, she's growing into an amazing woman! She is blessed to have your unconditional love, and you are blessed to witness her blossoming moments. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a RAD child, but I imagine that it's HUGE for her to share the grief of losing her birth mother with you...a moment she'll remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 :grouphug: Wow, Denise. That is one of the best things to hear!:grouphug: :iagree:You're so awesome, that's why she had a breakthrough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-2-7 Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I'm so happy for you! What an amazing turning point for your family! I pray that it continues and love and trust will reign in your home! This gives me so much hope for my situation. We've only been working at it for 2 years. I've been tempted to throw in the towel a few times and stop trying. Your post gives me new resolve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 So very happy for you and your Dd, Denise. My Dd doesn't have RAD, but she does grieve the loss of her birth family. It is heartbreaking to see our kids in pain, but it is so wonderful that your Dd can put these feelings into words now and share them with you. That is a huge step forward. And knowing that you're loved is a beautiful feeling. Celebrate this event as much as you desire! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 What a beautiful Mom Moment! Thanks for sharing! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Dear Denise, I am rejoicing with you through my tears - such a huge praise for your daughter and your family!! Your family will continue to be in my prayers.. :hurray: and :grouphug: Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Incredible! What a gift for you!! And a start of more healing for her!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Wonderful! Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Aw. I am in tears reading your post. What an amazing breakthrough for her and for you. :grouphug: Cat Me too. That's wonderful, I'm so happy for you. It looks like your love and patience are finally winning through. :grouphug: Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElaineJ Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 Denise, this is wonderful! I'm so happy for you, your dd, and your whole family. I know there is still a lot of work to be done but I can hear the hope and I rejoice with you. Elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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