What have you been through while married?

[Ottakee]

This is not a husband bashing thing, more a question of what different challenges have you faced as a couple since you have been married.

 

I thought of this the other day as I watched the news and couldn't imagine how the family on the news could be dealing with the death of a loved one.......until I realized that we survived the murder of dh's brother.

 

In our 18 years of marriage we have:

lived with our in-laws (basement apartment and really not bad)

went through the murder of dh's only sibling--a brother who was shot at age 23

the trial of the murder---only one in our county for years

infertility

foster care of 100+ children

adoption of 3 special needs children

several job loses and periods of unemployment

MIL kidney transplant

FIL on dialysis

my mother in a wheelchair full time

finding out our 2 girls have degenerative mito issues

dh had a heart attack in Jan.

 

and coming up this month:

facing a layoff, likely this week

highway taking our house in the next few weeks

Edited May 23, 2011 by Ottakee

[CalicoKat]

dh's open heart surgery, aortic valve replacement (expected)

my open heart surgery, mitral valve replacement (unexpected)

infertility

5 adoptions

3 fosterlings

1 disrupted adoption

the arrest of my uncle for murder, his suicide, and cleaning out his home

my degenerative arthritis

and most recently unemployment

 

These certainly weren't items on my list for my future when I was 18.

[Twilight Woods]

We will be married for 12 yrs this October. To date we have experienced:

 

Having our first child be born with critical life threatening health issues

Having to decide to end our son's life

The death of our son

Death of DH FIL

We had to take temory custody of my brothers 2 sons [ages 4mo and 18mo]

Lay-off

Dealing with anxiety issues with DD #1

Dealing with issues with DD#2 [no dx yet]

 

 

Im sure there is more but It's all I could think of right now.

[kalanamak]

Nothing like this, but when I see couples who have, it really tends to "make or break" them. :grouphug:

[Jeannie in NJ]

the first year of marriage, my mom was killed in a freak accident, mil died of cancer and fil died of heart faiture

 

10 years ago my beloved niece was killed at age 18 by a drunk driver

 

I went thru 4 infertilty surgeries

2 adoptions, one is my son who is special needs and has had 20 surgeries (he is age 13)

[kwickimom]

Oh wow ladies! I have only been married 8 years and we havent had to go through much thank God.

 

 

lived with in-laws for 4 weeks on a mattress on the livingroom floor, and then lived apart for 8 weeks so I didnt kill in-laws. We had purchased a brand new modular and the company dropped it off in our yard and took all of our money and disappeared :glare: We ended up with our basement sitting there open in the winter for 3 months before we could squeeze another $10,000 out and beg another company to put our house on the basement which of course had no warranty and we had to finish the inside and fix a million problems all by ourselves. All this while DH was being let go from a job and started a new one at HALF the salary he was making. We had NO money and SO much debt and a baby.

 

the year after the house I had a miscarriage.

 

oh yeah and our in-laws tried to get us arrested at one point.

Edited May 23, 2011 by kwickimom

[Joker]

Nothing like this, but when I see couples who have, it really tends to "make or break" them. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: My dh told me if we didn't divorce in the year following the death of my dad, my brother and dh's brother then nothing could "break" us. Everything since then seems like small potatoes.

[Impish]

In our first year, we lost our first baby (ectopic pregnancy), I almost died, and Wolf lost his job.

 

We've been through other job losses, death of family member, my disability.

[MariannNOVA]

Let's see:

 

DH and I were both unemployed when we got married (July 29) (I was fired from my position the Monday of the weekend that dh and I got engaged - I had never been fired from a job before -- I was stunned -- but I did ALL that time to plan the wedding);

DD15 (at the time) moved out of my house and went to live with my sister (one mile away) and then when my sister became tired of her antics, she moved back;

DD15 was told she had to attend summer school or would repeat freshman year of high school;

DD15 ran away a few days after dh and I returned from our honeymoon -- long story -- she went to live w/her father in another state -- that lasted 4 weeks, and then she moved back and long-term (very long term) therapy began;

My house sells;

(September) We move into my sister's beach house and are told we can stay there till March when the summer rentals begin to come in;

Two days after we move into the beach house, my sister tells us we have to move b/c we have a dog and prospective renters don't want to rent a house that had a dog living in it;

The next day, dh and I see a house a few doors away from the beach house and we buy it;

Oh -- dh and I were still unemployed at this time;

DH began a new position on October 1 of that year;

I move us into the new house;

DH's grandmother passed away - he traveled out of the country to the funeral - 11/12;

DD15 returns to NJ to live with us - 11/12;

I start a new position - 11/14;

We all start family therapy - 11/21;

DD15 starts a new high school - 11/22;

DD16 says she is moving out if dd15 is going to be living with us; :confused: dd16 goes to live with my sister.

Infertility treatment begins (sure........why not?!)

Three miscarriages (one a late 2nd trimester one)

Three live births (dd12 and twins - who are ten)

DH, dd7mos and I survive a category 5 hurricane in St. Maarten.

We buy, sell, and move 9 times - two times back and forth from Wash DC and NJ;

DH is at the Pentagon on 9/11;

Both dds get married -- dd32 has two children, divorces, remarries, has an IUFD in late 2010, and is now pg with a baby boy due 10/15;

DD30 gets married, she and her dh leave for AZ where she starts med school, and she becomes suddenly very ill -- finishes two years of school - is finally 4 years after becoming ill, diagnosed with lyme disease. She has been ill now for 8 years but is finally in the past 12 mos been making really excellent progress;

Two years ago, I am the recipient of stunningly heinous information that literally knocks me on my butt for two years as I go through a deep depression and finally claw my way out (Nakia on this board is instrumental in my getting help -- thought she doesn't realize it at the time) -- dh is supportive but this was something that happened LONG LONg before I knew him and it just rocks me to my core.

After learning that news, I quit my classroom teaching job and we decide to homeschool.

We return home from vacation and find our house is a wreck from a pipe that leaked while we were on vacation.

We live in an extended stay hotel for 4 months.

Twenty months later, the house is finally the way it should be, it is on the market, and NO ONE is coming to look at it.

 

I've left stuff out but all the above took place in the past 16 years.

 

And, I thought I led such a staid, quiet, uneventful life. :willy_nilly:

[BlsdMama]

We'll celebrate 15 years this June...

 

About the same time we welcome our tenth child.

 

 

10 Births

2 miscarriages

1 death of a child

1 army enlistment

4 years in the military

2 cross country moves

 

All in all, I'd say it was all worth it. :)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

First 9 mos of marriage, we lived apart (different coasts mostly).

Dual military with frequent underway periods.

Weird scheduling from swing type watch rotations.

One of dh's work spaces destroyed in the Pentagon on September 11th (with the loss of eight of his colleagues).

Uncertainty of living on a military base in DC after September 11th (anti air battery outside our back yard, machine gun nest at the gate, mail delayed and irradiated during anthrax scare)

 

We've moved about every two years for the last decade. We've lived overseas twice. The last four moves were transoceanic/international moves, which have almost always involved lots of housing uncertainty, putting things into or out of storage and a month or more of family separation or living with relatives.

 

The last two years we were "forward deployed" and dh was away far more than he was home. Even when he's home, he works incredibly long hours.

 

The biggest lesson I've learned is to always tell him goodbye and that I love him. I learned that on September 11th. There is no way to know if this is our last day together.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

:iagree: My dh told me if we didn't divorce in the year following the death of my dad, my brother and dh's brother then nothing could "break" us. Everything since then seems like small potatoes.

 

DH and I joke that we've seen "bad day" and that if it's short of people trying to actually kill us, then it's something we know we can get through.

[Twilight Woods]

Nothing like this, but when I see couples who have, it really tends to "make or break" them. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: My dh told me if we didn't divorce in the year following the death of my dad, my brother and dh's brother then nothing could "break" us. Everything since then seems like small potatoes.

 

 

:iagree:

[Peela]

Oh wow, some of you have been through a lot!

 

I would say my marriage itself has been difficult but we really haven't had much to deal with from outside, that has impacted on us. I have 2 sick parents but they live a long way away and that doesn't impact our marriage. It is more from within, and because we are so different.

 

A few deaths of friends over the years. A miscarriage. Dh's daughter (my stepdd) and her dramas and difficulties over the years- I guess they were pretty tough on our marriage. But it just seems like life, and everything is spaced enough that it's not all at once. I guess we are lucky.

[G5052]

In the last ten years...

 

 

• Lost three of our four parents
  
• Fourth parent institutionalized for advanced dementia after years of turmoil/legal battles
  
• DH has been disabled for seven years, significant medical bills most of those years although this year is looking better
  

 

Yup. Just another day in the neighborhood.

[SailorMom]

I'm only going to list the biggest ones, otherwise it would be way too long... Oh - we've been married 18 years...

 

Death of my dad in car accident (he was 50)

Mom's suicide 10 months later (she was 49)

His dad's heart attack

His bi-polar sister's multiple suicide attempts

14 deployments in combat zones

8 moves to different states

Two heart procedures for DS14

Almost lost DS 13 - premature, lots of complications

Edited May 23, 2011 by SailorMom

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to all

[Sue G in PA]

In almost 16 years:

my surgery for possible ectopic pregnancy (it was not)

miscarriage of first child

filing chapter 7, losing our home and moving

miscarriage of 3rd child

Dh surgery

job loss

major car accident after moving here to PA

landlords trying to evict us for no reason

another car accident

my depression

ds9 major behavioral issues

church loss

several financial challenges (to put mildly)

3 more miscarriages

many marital issues

custody battle over a niece in foster care which we lost :(

death of mother of my godkids and losing them to the grandparents. :(

 

It's a lot but not as much as some. We've grown from our challenges and trust that God will redeem them all. :)

[AngelaNYC]

Dh and I are married 18 years.

 

3 children

Death of FIL

Death of both my grandparents

Dad's 2 heart attacks

3 cars

3 car break-ins

2 major job losses (dh)

Getting a job after 12 years as a SAHM

Same 2-bedroom apartment

[Gooblink]

We have been through precious little, by comparison. :grouphug: to all.

 

Married 14 years:

2 miscarriages.

Loss of dh's mom.

Drastic lifestyle change as we left our lucrative careers to start a business - that's been the most challenging to endure.

Having kids! My, how pouring your life into someone else ages a body. :)

 

ETA: Oh, and this has become such a part of our daily lives that I forgot to list the diagnosis of ds2's diabetes and celiac. Managing BGs and diet adds another level of daily stress, we just don't really think about it as such.

Edited May 23, 2011 by Gooblink
forgot years married and diabetes!

[Shelly in IL]

We've been married for 21 years.

We moved 20 hours away from our childhood homes, from day 1

2 different 6 month deployments

1 stalker of me while husband was on deployment

Took said stalker to court

Moved 11 times in 10 years - all out of state from the previous location

Grandfather suicide - my side

Uncle suicide- my side

3 divorces in dh's immediate family in one year

3 remarriages

2 new divorces of same family members

9/11 -dh is an airline pilot who was home - thank you Jesus-

Dh going on a surprise (to us) deployment this year.

I praise the Lord that we have been so blessed. :grouphug: to those of you who are suffering from losses and health issues.

[I.Dup.]

Dh and I will be married 10 years this August:

 

Unexpected pregnancy 3 months into dating, marriage 5 months later

Addiction

3 years in the military (he did 2 before I met him)

13 month deployment

Personal spirals downward, for both of us.

Borderline physical abuse

Infidelity

2 moves across country

12 moves total (probably soon to be 13)

Living with his parents, and mine for a time

Job loss

Foreclosure

Law suit against us by former landlord

Living on very little

 

And the best part-

our sixth child is due this August, by the time we will be married 10 years!

 

So amazed and thankful for what God has brought us through. We really have grown up together and he's my very best friend. I'm so glad we were able to stick it out. It makes such a difference to have a "history" together, I think.

[eight_gregorys]

Meant when we were military

DH deployment to Kuwait 2002

Discovered pregnant two weeks after he left (already had a 4 yo and toddler)

Found out it was twins a month later

DH is part of initial invasion in Iraq (2003)

DH misses birth of children and finally comes home when they are three months old

Have 5th child

DH gets out of the military

Move to CA

5 months later I was involuntarily mobilized (I left the army when the twins were born as we had 4 children at the time and my mobilization would have been impossible.)

DH has to quit job and become stay at home dad b/c daycare for the children was going to be $3500/per month

I spend months doing training to deploy, go to Iraq and six months in become very sick.

Doctors accuse me of faking sickness. (I'm not sure how you can fake your kidneys slowing shutting down, but that was the accusation.)

Diagnosed by with Systemic Lupus with kidney involvement

Medievacced out of country after their attempts to stablize me were unsuccessful.

Waited for medical board review.

Began the long road of counseling needed for me to reacclimate to being home and deal with the junk from Iraq.

Found out I was pregnant again/review board cancelled.

Forced to stay in NC while family was in CA.

Army would not pay for family to move to NC.

Spent our entire savings and sold much of our belongings to move family to NC. (Medical board took 3 1/2 years.)

Had severe complications during pregnancy.

Daughter born 2 months early. (Although perfect and had no significant issues.)

Severe post-partum depression. Therapy, anti-depressants, near end of my marriage.

 

It was a crazy couple of years. The good news is my disease is in remission. The army retired me with a very good disability percentage so my family and I have free healthcare and decent dental insurance as well. DH appreciates what I do being a SAHM, more than ever. We finally moved back to California a few months ago. DH lost his job shortly after we moved. (He worked from home, so he didn't have to change jobs when we moved.) Within a week of losing his job, he is offered another position with a 40% salary increase.

 

So the crazy fiasco worked out in our benefit. God is good....life is crazy.

[Rosyl]

PTSD, tbi

unemployment

retirement

I lost my voice for about 18 months--saved my marriage, no joke

deployments (4 year total) his tank hit by 26 ied's and he was at an outpost with no communication and we did not know if he was ok. There was also a 3 day period we didn't even know if he was alive.

military life--20 years--perpetual adjusting

lonliness

death of a very dear niece

sick parents

my brothers motorcycle accident that left him w/ traumatic brain injury and paralyzed on right side

me being robbed at gunpoint

miscarriages

infertility

 

this is if course a summary and not exhaustive.lol I would not change a thing. because all of these negative came with greater faith in God, strength in myself and love for my dh and I would not want to be married to anyone else.

[Desert Rat]

Married 17 years in November.

 

Lots of job turnovers

2 beautiful boys

figuring out what to do with my gifted one (it was super stressful)

16 months unemployment

ds8 allergic to treenuts

drunk driver totalling our second vehicle (no one was hurt)

not being able to replace that vehicle

my mother's mental health declining and having to commit her...2 times last year.

My dad's and my MIL's declining health.

My brother being a major slacker.

 

Overall, not a lot. The layoff was, by far, the worst. We made it through and I think it helped us to be in the rock-solid place we are now. It was hard to go through but it definitely made us stronger.

[historically accurate]

Illness (lung cancer) and death of my father

Stroke and heart attack of his father

Multiple surgeries for fibroid tumors

My breast cancer and subsequent double mastectomy

News that I carry the BRCA gene and may have passed it to our 3 girls

Three high risk pregnancies, but every one came through

Surgery on youngest at 8 months old after 5 months of illness (surgery cured it)

Owned 2 houses for 19 months, since the old one's sale fell through right after we moved

Unemployment, 13 months for me following birth of oldest, 9 months for him, of which 6 months overlapped

Apraxia of speech and physical delays in middle dd

 

I think those are the major things in 11 years. We are still adjusting/dealing with some of those things, but our marriage is stronger for it. Never would've thought some on this list could happen to me!

Edited May 23, 2011 by beckyjo
Typos

[sassenach]

Dh and I have been married for almost 14 years. We got married when he was 19 and I was 17 (we already had oldest dd), so one of my bullet points could be "immaturity" :lol:, but hey, we survived it!

 

Year 1: 3 moves, including 1 with grandparents and 1 with MIL. Both pretty disastrous.

 

Year 2: 2 moves, 1 from Cali to New Orleans, 1 promotion, found out we were pregnant with #2.

 

Year 3: Find out ds has a birth defect. He's born in major distress, almost dies, we find out 3 weeks later that he suffered a major brain injury. He get's discharged a week later, and dh and I start to figure out how to be the parents of a severely disabled child. Ds has another surgery that year, then we move to Florida.

 

Year 4: Dh changes jobs, then loses a job the week after Christmas. We find out we're pregnant with #3.

 

Year 5: Dh works multiple jobs to get us by. He lands his dream job, we buy our first house, and have our second son. Older son has 1 surgery that year.

 

Year 6-7: Dh's brother has a psychotic break and is diagnosed with schizophrenia. We try a specialized diet to help with older ds's seizures. It involves a hospital stay and me driving 5 hours to Miami every 3 months. We last about 2 years, then stop.

 

Year 8: Dh quits dream job, goes into vocational youth ministry. He's dx'd with stage 0 colon cancer (it was scary, but no further treatment was needed). We have our last baby. Ds has 3 surgeries, 2 of them major.

 

Year 9: Dh slips 2 discs, begins long road of chronic back pain.

 

Year 10: blissfully uneventful.

 

Year 11: Major fall out with our church. We take a position in Cali, move cross country, just barely get out from under our house in the downward spiral of the market, live in people's spare rooms, and vacation cabins for 4 months. Finally rent a place.

 

Year 12: Adjust.

 

Year 13: Another surgery for ds. This one had a terribly painful recovery. Worst surgery experience ever. Take a new position, move again. Finally feel like we're where we're supposed to be.

 

Year 14: Dh has freak accident, severs his ulnar nerve. We walk through extremely hard road of recovery. This was in September and we are nowhere near recovered from this.

 

 

Top 3 hardest experiences- 1) Ds. Nothing even comes close to touching this one. 2) The arm injury this year. Harder than I ever imagined it could be. 3) Leaving our church in FL and moving here.

[~Amanda~]

In 12 years of marriage, we've gone through:

Living with his parents

Living with my grandfather

the death of my grandmother

the splitting/"excommunication" of my mother, and thereby my entire maternal family

the birth of 4 children

my dad had a heart attack, and was in a coma for 2 weeks; I was told "he's not going to wake up"

the possibility of dh cheating on me/trying to leave me (twice)

the death of my mother

the living of us with my sister (who was 14/15 at the time, so we were taking care of a teenager)

several layoffs/stents of unemployment

the foreclosure of our house, repos of our cars, and the attempt to go through bankruptcy

the death of his grandmother

the death of his uncle

the finding of his bio dad

the finding of my bio dad

the "excommunication" of his stepfather, and as a result, his mother

[justamouse]

the short list-16.5 years married

 

living with parents-both sets

having 6 kids together

child going to jail

death of a parent

having no job, no insurance, no income whatsoever for 1 year

starting a business

leaving our church

finding a church

buying our second house

buying our third house-that one almost brought us to divorce

too many deaths

my surgeries

lawsuits

bankruptcy

 

Not in that order.

 

I love him awful.

Edited May 23, 2011 by justamouse

[TravelingChris]

WE have been married 25 years.

 

My mother dying within my first year of marriage (which is why we married before dh graduated from college).

Moving in with inlaws after graduation while waiting for permanent job

Moving back to Chicago to await dh going to OTS

Separation for four months while dh at OTS

Earthquakes, wildfires, tropical storms, ice storms, droughts, blizzards, tornado in the same block as us, I guess we only haven't experienced a tsunami

Oldest had to have a number of surgeries, ends up with major depression

Middle has one surgery, and a few chronic conditions- all necessitating many, many appointments plus a seven month long nonstop headache

Youngest develops idiopathic osteoporosis, wasp allergy with anaphalaxis, and some more medical problems.

We have a number of additional separations for jobs- me going away for four months for INS training, him going away repeatedly for various amounts of time for training and exercises (Air Force)

Dh's mother died a few months before the third child was born

Then of course there are my medical conditions that have altered our family= my Sjogren's and arthritis, my recent discovery that I and middle have hypercoagulability, asthma, and migraines.

 

Altogether the most stressful episodes have been the childrens' illnesses and conditions. We haven't had job loss since dh has been in the military for 24 years.

[wendylee]

DH has never been able to hold a job for more than two years

 

Massive tax debt because of bad advice that we are breaking our backs trying to pay off

 

Severely mentally and disabled son with several surgeries, hospital stays, and ongoing health issues

 

Oldest son addicted to pot, alcohol, smoking, and s**

 

MIL wildly manipulative

 

Financial problems for the last 19 years and no end in sight

[Jody]

We will be married 18 years in June.

 

5 miscarriages with 3 children in between.

 

Blood transfussion with one of my miscarriages.

 

Deal with my husband's side with remarriage of his dad.

 

Moved 3 times.

 

Husband left a job to go self employed for 11 years.

 

Changed churches 3 times.

 

However, in 2010 we had a lot of it!

My mother died very suddenly (5 days of when we found out) of two brain tumors.

Two weeks later my husband lost contract we had for our business. Two months later he decided to get a job working for someone. This was a 80 percent loss of money. Than come summer we talked to my dad and decided to move in with him. We rented our place, because the market was too off to sell it.

 

Than we ended up looking for a church closer to where we live.

 

We still have some money issues, but hope to be out of debt soon. We are living on alot less, but after business debt we can manage. He has a job but it is less than when he got a full time job out of high school back in 1987.

 

If we survived 2010 we can survive anything I think.

 

Sorry for everyone's troubles, but I think it helps us be strong! It sure makes you live on faith!

[meggie]

Not as much as others. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to all of you, I feel like a big wimp.

 

There have only been 3 rough periods in our 6 1/2 years.

 

1) The divorce of my parents. I still don't talk to my dad and my heart feels like it's breaking every time I think of him.

 

2) Unemployment. It took awhile, but I figured I could fight DH about it or stand by him and we could fight it together. I chose the latter and it strengthened us.

 

3) PPD after the birth of Digby. I was getting no sleep and went crazy. Life got a lot easier when he turned 1 and started sleeping through the night, craziness went away.

[TammyinTN]

For us...being married for 24 years.

 

3 miscarriages

3 great kids

 

8 years of college

1 awesome graduation

 

ROTC while in college

Coming back in as an officier

 

Being in military in some capacity since 1982 ---ROTC, Guard, Active Duty

Traveling and raising our beautiful family.

 

Moved 13 times

Enough adventures to write a book

 

Daughter left 1 year ago

Said daughter now married to wonderful husband with our first grand-daughter

 

We lost all of our Grandparents in the last 6 years. It's been really hard as we were close to all of them.

 

Our parents are still all alive and doing beautifully. We talk with them often and the kids sneak in for surprise visits at least once or twice a year.

[Laura Corin]

We've been together for twenty-three years.

 

Four bouts of unemployment, one lasting a year during my pregnancy with Calvin and his early months, one current.

Infertility - Calvin took eight years to come along.

Deaths of my father and husband's mother.

Twenty years of overseas living in a total of six countries.

Thirteen houses/flats.

Giftedness/learning disabilities of children.

 

But all through it our relationship has been incredibly strong.

[HomeOnTheRanch]

We've been through a lot over the last twenty years. We are going through more stuff every single day. The Lord is graciously seeing us through it all. We serve an awesome God.

[Joanne]

3.5 year long legal (custody) battle

shingles (him)

several hospitalizations (him)

aging parent issues, including moves we handled physically

bankruptcy

foreclosure

severe autoimmune disease of child (my daughter)

death of parent

illness in parent (my dad)

brain tumors in sibling (my sister)

heart valve transplant in sibling (other sister)

kid acting out due to divorce/coparenting/custody

unemployment/underemployment/severely unhappy employment

unrelenting money issues

change in churches

change in spiritual perspective

 

That's in 5 years. :001_huh::lol:

[Jen500]

Some of this :willy_nilly: and some of that :ack2:

and some :banghead: and :cursing:

and some of this :cheers2: and:party:

and a bit of:rolleyes:

[OnTheBrink]

Let's start at the beginning:

 

Massive drama from EXMIL at the wedding.

Credit card issues on the honeymoon

Meeting (what I found out later to be) one of EX's previous "lovers".

Being evicted from our duplex because the landlord owed back taxes and needed to sell it fast.

Moving to "Stepford" and living on $1200 a month for a family of 4.

Moving to where we are now and discovering EX's penchant for g*y p*rn.

Going through 7 years of counseling with a liar and narcissist.

Miscarrying a baby boy.

Summer of EX and his 2 "lovers" who'd pick him up at our house, in front of our kids.

Malignant Melanoma, and discovering EX spent the copay for my chemo on, you guessed it, his "lovers".

Finding the true extent of EX's "extra-marital" affairs and throwing his backside out.

Final divorce date in court.

[Mommy22alyns]

Death of FIL a week after our wedding

Several job losses and stretches of unemployment

Estrangement of my father last summer

1 month of hospitalization for me while pregnant with Sylvia

Constant battle with depression for me

 

Our 10 year anniversary is in Feb. 2012.

[6packofun]

A lot. But 1 or 2 of the main things I can't really share...I wouldn't anyhow, though, because comparing this kind of stuff seems like a weird, depressing competition! LOL

[Janie Grace]

comparing this kind of stuff seems like a weird, depressing competition! LOL

 

Really? To me it is actually sort of encouraging, since most of the posts end with something about how they are still in love, still married, closer b/c of it, or whatever. It is amazing to me what the human heart can endure and how (in my belief system) God can use hard things to strengthen us and our marriages. There is definitely a lot of sorrow here but I think there's a lot of hope, too.

[BMW]

I, too, get encouraged to hear of couples who have stayed together after going through a lot of "challenges".

 

The biggest challenge in my current marriage has been having to put out continuous fires... always one kicking up or smoldering with so many teens. Now that my children are living with their father, we actually have some peaceful times and look at each other and say, "Who are YOU?" :001_smile: "Wow, have you been here all along, too?" It's time for the two of us to have some time to get to know each other better (married 3 years!). We are both so excited... we planted the garden together the other day... we'll hang out watering it from time to time... and we just picked out an area rug for our living room... it finally feels like we are building a life together. (the living room floor is ceramic tile... and we have grandbabies over often... now they can roll around!) (now I have another chore to do... keeping the area rug clean...)

 

We been through boys grieving their mom's death... very rebellious teens (as in, "Let's do everything we were taught NOT to do... just because." We've fought over family blending issues... and I know that there's a lot of bumps on the road of life ahead for us... because that's how life goes. I'm thankful, though, that we've learned to stand by each other more...

 

I think we're both thankful for TWTM forum, too!! You have all been super over the years!

[Wildiris]

I feel so blessed. After reading some of these posts, I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

 

But answer What have you been through while married?

 

 

1. The most challenging to our togetherness is to have a child so mismatched to our joint parent personality that it threatens to tear us apart sometimes. We come from Venus the child comes from Pluto.
   
   
2. Living in an unfinished house going on 30 years. The temporary has become permanent. DIY + no$ = Unfinished House.
   
3. Coming to terms with up bringing and very different parent perspectives on homeschooling. He comes from a more conservative, church going, school going home and I come from a beatnik, alternative lifestyle seeking home.
   
   
4. Did I mention permanent unemployment/self-employment. Very stressful at times.
   
   
5. Birth and death are a given if one lives a life, but these too can be very stressful.
   
   

 

[Jenny in Atl]

A lot. But 1 or 2 of the main things I can't really share...I wouldn't anyhow, though, because comparing this kind of stuff seems like a weird, depressing competition! LOL

 

:iagree:

[BarbecueMom]

We've been married almost six years, so most of the major extended family issues are still looming. No deaths, only one minor health issue, no marital problems. Apart from the transition from college to career for DH and having two kids so close together, the bumps in the road haven't been noticeable. DH is always asking when the other shoe is going to drop, or some other butchered version of that saying.

 

We work hard, but we are very fortunate and lucky. We realize that could always change.

[Crissy]

A lot. But 1 or 2 of the main things I can't really share...I wouldn't anyhow, though, because comparing this kind of stuff seems like a weird, depressing competition! LOL

 

:iagree:

We have also been through an awful lot, but I don't think going back and trying to list it all would be good for me.

I do acknowledge that every bit of it brought us to the place we are today, and that is enough for me.

[kwickimom]

A lot. But 1 or 2 of the main things I can't really share...I wouldn't anyhow, though, because comparing this kind of stuff seems like a weird, depressing competition! LOL

 

 

I dont think anyone is comparing and I dont feel a shred of competition from any of these wonderful women's posts. I feel inspired and humbled and thankful for what I have and I am amazed at what a couple can go through and still stay together!

[pfamilygal]

Many surgeries and hospitalizations for me

5 miscarriages

Addictions (prescription pain killers for me, other things for him)

Infertility

Much more

 

And today, on our 13th wedding anniversary, I can testify that we are more in love, more mature and more stable than we have ever been. God is so faithful when we cling to Him.

[hana]

:grouphug: to you all who have struggled.