What is your relationship like with your siblings?

[Nakia]

Katemary's thread got me wondering. I have a step-brother, who is 3 years older than me, that I haven't seen in years. I also have a step-sister that I am not really close with, but she just had a baby, and we are bonding now because she is a mom too! It has changed her so much. I also have two younger brothers who are 23 and 30 that I am really close to. I count my 30 year old brother as my best friend (besides dh and my bff of 20 years). I talk to him almost every day even though he lives 900 miles away. Before our baby brother was deployed, I talked to him at least a couple of times a week. They are both married to wonderful ladies, so now I feel like I have two more sisters. We all get along so well, and family functions are always a blast (despite our sometimes nutty mom). I feel really blessed.

 

What about you all?

 

ETA: I am so very sorry if this post has brought up painful thoughts or memories for anyone. I was just curious, but I don't know if this was my best idea. :/

Edited August 21, 2010 by Nakia

[Chris in VA]

Unfortunately, one of my two brothers is dead, and the other treats me as if I were dead.

It is the saddest thing in my life.

[Mergath]

Typical for my family. We talk once or twice a year, and I'm pretty sure I'd recognize him in a crowd.

[Nakia]

Unfortunately, one of my two brothers is dead, and the other treats me as if I were dead.

It is the saddest thing in my life.

 

Oh gosh, I am so very sorry, Chris. I hope my post didn't make you feel worse. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone or bring up anything painful. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[jenL]

I am the oldest of three girls. My middle sister and I are 3 years apart; my youngest sister and I are 8 years apart. I have very different relationships with each of them.

 

Growing up with an alcoholic father and a severely co-dependent mother, I was often placed in a parenting role, especially in regards to my baby sister. As a result, our relationship is not as strong as the relationship between my middle and youngest sister. I also believe the age gap has affected us since we are in very different phases of life. My baby sister and I love each other, but it is as if we are not sure how to be just sisters/friends with one another.

 

My middle sister and I were often pitted against one another while growing up, and although I have very fond memories of playing with her when we were young, somewhere around our teen years, we fell apart. We had a strained relationship for a number of years. It has only been within the past 8-10 years that our relationship has gone beyond civil. Within the past 4 years, we've become very close, and I consider her one of my best friends. I'm extremely grateful to have her in my life. I believe we were able to get to this point because we both moved our families to the same town, 1000 miles away from everyone else, and it has allowed us both to grow individually and together. My baby sister is set to move near us within the month, and I'm curious (and fearful) of how her presence will change things.

Edited August 21, 2010 by jenL

[i.love.lucy]

My brother and I are estranged. We were never close growing up despite being only 18mo apart. Very different personalities and different relationships with our parents. When my dad died when I was 19 my brother thought he was "free" and took off for the wild side. Drugs, alcohol, even crime and homelessness. He went on to milk my mother for all she had for many years and I resent the hurt he caused her. When she finally kicked him out of a home she owned that he had been living in rent free, he trashed it and stole from her. We haven't seen or heard from him since. I'm pretty sure he's alive someplace.

 

Like Chris, it's the saddest thing in my life.

 

I want so badly to have things be completely different for my kids. I think I'm on the right track.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Unfortunately, I haven't heard from or seen my sisters in years. I reached out a couple times to no avail. Some of it is my fault. A good part of it is all that choices we all made (one sis' abusive first hubby, for example). Some is no doubt regarding my father who wants nothing to do with me. There is hurt all around, but I'm the scapegoat on that side of things (safer for them all that way, I guess). I have a distant relationship with each of my brothers. We see/speak a couple times per year.

 

But I have my mom and (step)dad as well as my hubby and kids and friends. I have a very full life. The great majority of the time, I don't mind how things are.

[Remudamom]

Oldest of five, two sisters, two brothers. We're all pretty close, but I don't get to see them over once or twice a year.

[Aubrey]

My sibs are awesome. Bro calls once a week or so, comes by every mo or two. Sis calls everyday on her way home from work. I haven't seen her in nearly 2yrs, but we're very close, & she's demanded that sometime soon, her dh leave town so my dc & I can come & see her. :lol:

[Chris in VA]

Oh gosh, I am so very sorry, Chris. I hope my post didn't make you feel worse. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone or bring up anything painful. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Oh thanks, Sweetie--

It is one of the losses in my life I am dealing with. Somehow, I've deeply offended him, and I don't know how to make it better, and I'm pissed off deep inside that I even have to be the one to make the effort, since he NEVER has.

 

Not very Christian, huh?

 

Being reconciled, in this case, means forgiving someone I'm truly hurt by, disappointed in, etc. But I am feeling called to do it. He has Cystic Fibrosis and is on about the 7th year of his lung transplant, so I am aware of the time factor. He is not a believer, and I often wonder if part of that is because I have not represented well, iykwim.It's a very deep wound and I was rather stunned to realize I may have caused his distancing from me (not the sole cause, but a contributor of the worst kind).

 

My other brother taught me, by his life and thru his death, to not waste time. It's a lesson I don't want to learn.

 

Anyway, no worries--this has been on my mind a lot and today really hit me again.

 

Perhaps you are being used by the HS to get me to act! :D

[Nakia]

Unfortunately, one of my two brothers is dead, and the other treats me as if I were dead.

It is the saddest thing in my life.

 

Oh thanks, Sweetie--

It is one of the losses in my life I am dealing with. Somehow, I've deeply offended him, and I don't know how to make it better, and I'm pissed off deep inside that I even have to be the one to make the effort, since he NEVER has.

 

Not very Christian, huh?

 

Being reconciled, in this case, means forgiving someone I'm truly hurt by, disappointed in, etc. But I am feeling called to do it. He has Cystic Fibrosis and is on about the 7th year of his lung transplant, so I am aware of the time factor. He is not a believer, and I often wonder if part of that is because I have not represented well, iykwim.It's a very deep wound and I was rather stunned to realize I may have caused his distancing from me (not the sole cause, but a contributor of the worst kind).

 

My other brother taught me, by his life and thru his death, to not waste time. It's a lesson I don't want to learn.

 

Anyway, no worries--this has been on my mind a lot and today really hit me again.

 

Perhaps you are being used by the HS to get me to act! :D

 

Bless you, Chris. I will pray for you and for your brother. :grouphug:

[Daisy]

I have a sister who is 10 months younger than me and a brother who is 5 years younger. I see what they are up to when they update their Facebook page. I probably talk to them on the phone 2-3 times a year.

 

I haven't seen my sister in probably seven years. It has been probably 4 years for my brother (he lives near my parents).

 

We all live at least a thousand miles from each other (CA, AL, NJ).

 

We love each other but our lives just don't intersect. And honestly, where our lives intersected was our childhood which was never a healthy place. That makes me sad when I think about it, but I think most of the time we just don't think about it.

[Joker]

I talk to my older (by 5 years) sis about 3 times a month and my older brother (by 4 years) about 3 times a year. We are just very different people but I keep up with him through our mom (who I speak to daily). My sis is unmarried and has no kids so we just usually talk about my kids and her job - she is a K teacher. My younger brother was my best friend and I talked to him several times a week but he passed away 10 years ago.

[eternalknot]

I have seven living siblings, and one who passed several years ago. We are all very close, though there are some closer than others. Many of us live within a few miles of each other and see one another often. My brothers coach my kid's sports teams; my sisters come over to do their laundry. We see most of my siblings 5-6 days a week (and always for Sunday lunch at our parents').

 

We don't always like each other, but the love and loyalty are there. We've had rough times but we always pull it together when it matters most.

[5LittleMonkeys]

My sis and I are really close. We talk several times a week and try to have lunch together a couple times a month. About once a month she comes over with other family for a big dinner. She adores my kids and spoils them rotten; in a good way.:D She is seven years older than me so we weren't always close, and I don't even remember doing a lot with her when I was little. We have grown closer the older we have gotten and I consider her to be one of my best friends.

[KidsHappen]

I am the oldest of four. All of my siblings are younger brothers. I am fond of the oldest, have never been terribly fond of the second and I am very close to the youngest. I would say that the only person I am closer to than him is my hubby. I used to think that since my hubby was five years older than me and my brother is seven years younger that my brother and I would end up spending our old age together but based on our families genetics, I think my hubby will out live us both. It's weird I know but I almost wish that we all go out together because I don't know that any of us could handle the blow of losing anyone of the rest of us. It is very nice to have one other person in the world that your almost as close to as your hubby. :)

[delaney]

My older brothers are twin and live in NY, I am in VA. They are total butts. My younger sister lives in my town and we see each other all the time but there is 15 years between us so we are in VERY different places in life but she adores my kids and they love her. I wish I was closer to my brothers but we are very different people and we just have NOTHING in common. I am hoping for more for my kids so I am trying to impress the importance of family on them. I long to Nora Walker from Brothers and Sisters without all the drama.

[Stacia]

I have a sister & we are close. She lives about 6 hours away, but we visit each other numerous times a year, talk on the phone at least weekly, email, etc....

 

I love my sister!

 

:001_smile:

[Barb_]

I adore my younger brother. We talk on the phone often and make fun of our parents. He and I have the same sense of humor and we do nothing but laugh when we're together. He married a girl that kinda looks like she could be our sister except that she's a foot taller than me :tongue_smilie: He and Patty and Rich and I have a blast whenever we get together. I miss him fiercely and I consider it a tragedy that life has pulled our family of origin in so many different directions when we really love to spend time with one another.

 

Sigh.

 

Barb

[TravelingChris]

We see my older brother usually two or three times a year when he comes to visit. My younger sister is dead. My dh doesn't talk to his brothers at all since they don't answer the phone and he really has nothing to talk to them about. They chose wrong ways to live and he didn't.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm the oldest of three. My younger brother and I are on each other's list of favourite people, even though I'm an annoying older sister :D His list of favourite people is even shorter than mine, so I'm honoured :D

 

We both find our sister (in the middle) really annoying, and she finds me really annoying too; but we have an understanding. We talk when we feel like it, get annoyed, then talk again when we've forgotten we were annoyed. Mostly she shows up and talks to me online when she is bored at work, thinks she needs an older sister lecture, or is cross referencing weird complaints from our parents to see who I agree with. So even though I'm annoying, it appears I am useful in it.

 

:)

Rosie

[Guest janainaz]

I have one older sister (by 4 yrs) that I've been really close with and worked very hard to rebuild a good relationship with over the past ten years. But she's a pathological liar, and so it makes it KINDA HARD to handle her.

 

Blood family for me, other than my kids, is not pretty in my family. But I've got great adopted SILs (5 of them) and I love them to pieces. I love my blood family too, but they just can't receive it.

[kwickimom]

I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters. We are all best friends. They are all younger than me, the youngest and I are 17 years apart. We see each other as much as possible, we talk all the time, and I dont know what I would do without them. My lifelines :)

 

ETA-My heart breaks for all of you that are not close, or have lost siblings. Mine are the only thing that has kept me going sometimes and I cannot imagine life without them. I have always known I was blessed with an amazing family, but this has been a great reminder of that. I may not have riches, but I have the strong love of an amazing family. I wish everyone could have what I have

Edited August 21, 2010 by kwickimom

[The Girls' Mom]

I have one brother (half brother) that I feel fairly close to, even though we don't talk much....he's almost like a son to me. I took care of him a LOT when we were kids (he's 6 years younger) and even tried to convince my mom and step-dad to let us adopt him after I got married and left home.

 

I have another half brother that is the same age as my oldest daughter, and he feels more like a cousin or nephew..but then again my dad (his dad) and I aren't very close either.

 

I have a step brother that I've seen briefly at a funeral, and a step-sister that I've never been overly fond of because of the way she treats her family.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

My mom and my two sisters are my best friends. We live close and spend a great deal of time together. I can't imagine life without them.

[Jen+4dc]

I have 2 older sisters, 2 younger brothers and one younger sister. Despite having 2 bil's I don't care for I get along with all of them.

1 older sister calls me several times a week and the other two sisters I talk with on the phone about 1/month. We love each other, we just lead busy lives.

One little bro (the "black sheep" whose choices are very different from the rest of us) got married last month and the whole family got together from all over the country (NY, CT, ME, UT, AZ, OR & CA). We had a great time together and I love my new SIL, I hadn't met her before and she's perfect for this bro (who I talk two about 3 times/year). We don't have very much in common but we love each other.

My other little bro lives 4 hours away and travels a LOT for business. He always stops by to spoil my kids if he's anywhere close (he has none of his own, but he just got engaged!) Yay!!!:hurray:

[Heather in Neverland]

I have two younger brothers. One I am very close with, the other not as much and it is due to his lifestyle (he is a raging alcoholic, pill-popper, racist, etc, likes his life that way, doesn't want to change).

[Dobela]

I have one brother that is 2 yrs younger than me. We love each other but he has high functioning autism. this pretty much means we sometimes can't communicate due to 'planetary differences'. His social skills are also so immature that we sometimes find it very hard to relate. He went shopping with me today and it was like having another overgrown toddler along and the conversation was almost nil.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I also feel really blessed, Nakia.

 

My brother and I are good friends. I like his friends and he likes mine. We even found out that we accidentally made friends with a pair of siblings, separately. He's two and a half years younger than me.

 

Our sister is sixteen years younger than us, and she's turning out to be easy to get along with too. Again we have interests in common, plus just a general outlook on life I guess. We have commonly held assumptions about what's good and what's awful.

 

My partner does not get along with his siblings at all. I didn't mind them so much. You just have to be diplomatic. Very diplomatic. I guess that can be hard when you have thirty years of issues between you.

[freetobeme]

i have one younger brother. we love each other. we live in the same town and see each other at christmas and 4th of july - rarely other than that. i'm just glad we are speaking, because for years we were angry with each other. i wish we were closer but i am glad that he is around. but i do almost feel like an only child.

it is what it is.

[Jilly]

I have four brothers. One I have always gotten along with great, and we talk everyday and see each other weekly. Another I am very close to, and we talk about once a week and see each other a few times a year. The other two I adore, but we don't talk or see each other as much.

[truebird]

I had just one sibling--my brother and I were 18 months apart. We were very close throughout childhood, but we made very different life choices as adults. We weren't able to stay as close, and we had some major conflicts, but we always loved each other. He told me he trusted me more than anyone else to watch after his kids if anything happened to him. He died last November, at age 29. I'm now in the process of adopting his youngest son.

[elegantlion]

My sister is two years older than me. We don't get along and thankfully we live far away. She is bossy and controlling and has a high opinion of herself and her "education" (long story). Obviously I'm an idiot because I didn't go to college. My dh has been out of work this summer (he's now back working) and she can't understand why I don't go out and get a job. My dad told me that last night, what she told him. I told him she could kiss my a**. I have a job (homeschooling) I just don't get paid.

 

Obviously we have completely different priorities and lives. Her husband is rude and arrogant. He treats my mom badly. Thankfully he's never done it in front of me.

 

We only see each other if we happen to be at my parents at the same time. I was always jealous of my friends with older brothers. I wanted a brother so badly.

 

Dh has 2 older sisters and 2 younger brothers. They get along pretty well and he's been working to stay in better contact as they're spread around the country.

[elegantlion]

I had just one sibling--my brother and I were 18 months apart. We were very close throughout childhood, but we made very different life choices as adults. We weren't able to stay as close, and we had some major conflicts, but we always loved each other. He told me he trusted me more than anyone else to watch after his kids if anything happened to him. He died last November, at age 29. I'm now in the process of adopting his youngest son.

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

[WishboneDawn]

Very close, especially since my brother died. At his memorial my sister described us (their were two boys, two girls) as four parts of the same whole and we really are.

[DawnM]

I don't have any siblings.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I have 2 older brothers from my father's first marriage. They didn't really grow up with us, so not as close to them, but we talk occasionally. I really like oldest brother's wife. She and I have become good friends.

 

Then, I have 3 younger sisters. We get along well, but I get along the best with the youngest. I talk to all of them frequently.

 

My youngest sibling is a brother, who I love, but am not real close to, due mostly to the 9 yr. age difference.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Well, Nakia, I am the middle child of three. I have an older sister and a younger brother. None of us are close. My brother lives in the same city as my mom and my sister relocated to that city (from FL) about a year ago. I am the only one no longer living in CO. We speak on the phone maybe twice a year, token cards on birthdays and holidays and some random email throughout the year (mostly about homeopathic remedies and requests for things for my mom).

 

I had typed a longer response with reasons why I think things are the way they are but decided against it. If you want to know more we can open a PM conversation.

Edited August 21, 2010 by The Dragon Academy

[Murphy101]

No relationship at all with my siblings. No hard feelings or ill wishes on my part. They weren't thrilled when mom got pregnant with me and that's about as good as it ever got and the older I get, the less tolerant I am of toxic people. Still sucks though.

[AlmiraGulch]

I'm the youngest of 6 --- 5 sisters and 1 brother.

 

I'm extremely close the the 3rd oldest sister, who is 10 years older than I. I am occasionally close to the 2nd oldest sister, but that's tempered by the fact that the oldest hates the 3rd oldest. Because 3rd oldest is my best friend, I am guilty by association. Oldest is extremely controlling, so 2nd oldest sometimes distances herself from me. On the other hand, she (2nd oldest) tells me things she tells no one else in the world because she trusts me and knows I won't judge. The whole thing is very interesting to me.

 

The sister closest to me in age always resented I was ever born. She's not particularly close to anyone, but sort of close to me, in a really strange, selective sort of way.

 

My brother? He's...well....something. Used to be close to some (including me), thinks the 3rd oldest is evil, has distanced himself from everyone. BUT....for a while he was on Facebook and 5 of us (2 of them have blocked #3) had a lot of fun communicating. He's off now, but his wife is on and she's lovely! I'm actually taking my kids to visit them in Oregon (I'm in GA) in October. I haven't seen him since my grandmother's funeral in 2001, and it was many years before that. Should be interesting.

 

Oh, and 3 of us (me, plus sisters 2 and 5) live in metro Atlanta. Still, I went over a year without seeing #5 a couple of years ago (although we spoke occasionally) and only see #2 a few times a year.

[TXMomof4]

I'm the oldest of 3 - sister in the middle and baby brother.

 

I love them. Sis just got divorced and it has been devastating for the whole family. HOWEVER, it has been amazing to watch our family work through it together. During the summer ex-bil was being a big fat jerk and all of us felt sis needed to get out of town for a while so he didn't convince her to give in on some issues with the divorce that would really have long term consequences. My parents and I helped her financially - little bro flew from GA to TX to meet her and drive her and the 3 kids to his home in GA and he and his wife let them stay for 2 weeks in their 2 bdrm apt.

 

I was having a terrible day last week. A dear friend of mine is having all sorts of terrible troubles and I was really blue. Sweet bro called to let me know he may be here teaching a class for the entire month of Oct. He wasn't going to say anything until it was for certain, but he "thought I needed a little sunshine." He was right, it cheered me immensely. Of course, I"ll be brokenhearted if he can't come, but he knew what I needed.

 

DH and I were talking about it - his family isn't so close. He couldn't figure out why I was so excited that bro may be coming. I asked if he could imagine spending a month with his brother - absolutely not! Not only can I imagine it, I'm really looking forward to it.

 

I love my family!

[Wildiris]

I have two older half-brothers that I don't see too often. We went through much too much together as young children for there to be a break in our bond even if we don't see or talk to one another often. It is the kind of relationship where years may pass but our conversation pick-up as though we spoke a few days before. The same is true of my brother-in-law. My BIL went to the same college as Dear Love One and I. We all spent time together in our formative years.

 

Both of my brothers are in bad places in their lives. The oldest, who has been employed since his first paper route at 10, is now going on one year of unemployment. The other brother is making a slow recover from a brain injury he received while on his job as a firefighter.

[Country Mouse]

I am very close with my two younger (half) brothers. In fact, one will be returning home next weekend after being in Hawaii for nearly two years. We are all going to meet him at the airport! We are so excited to see him.

 

We are each at very different life stages right now but we are all very supportive of one another.

 

It is my relationship with my brothers that always gives me pause about having an only. I hate that my ds will never have that sort of bond.

[Mejane]

I have two brothers, with one of which I'm very close. The other... not so much. Let's just say it makes it difficult to get along well when you have similar temperaments but many opposing viewpoints. ;)

[rookie]

non-existant.

[littlebug42]

I have one older brother and an older sister. We have been incredibly close all throughout our lives. I couldn't imagine life without them. I think back to the night our Dad died last year and we were all there with him supporting him and each other. I am incredibly thankful for them. I know that I am truly blessed.

[Tap]

I soooo wish I was close to my family. I was raised with 4 of my siblings (8 in all). I am 6 years younger than the youngest, have a different father and do not resemble my siblings at all (2nd marriage for both of my parents). The older 4 were all born within 5 years so they are close in age, are full siblings and all look alike. I was raised more like an only child since I was the only one at home after the age of 12/13.

 

My siblings aren't supportive or involved in anyone's lives but their own. There are 10 grand kids from 25yo to 11yo and non of them have ever attended birthdays, events, sports/games, of each other. We are spread out over Oregon/Washington so while there is a distance between us, it isn't that much.

 

We live very, very different lives and just don't have much in common. If it wasn't for my mom, I doubt that I would even know anything about them at all. She updates me occasionally. I tried very hard to establish a relationship with them when I was in my early-mid 20s. I have helped each of them with something over the years (usually money or taking care of their kids for a while) but once the need was gone...so were they. :(

[kewb]

I have an older sister. Growing up we had nothing in common. We have very different personalities and most of our childhood was spent trying to figure out how to navigate our parents rocky relationship we were not friends in anyway. Once she left for college our relationship improved.

 

She lives a 4 hour drive away. We talk on the phone every couple of months and see each other 1-2 times per year. We may not be close but I know if I need her she is there for me.

[juelle]

My sisters are both strong, creative, beautiful, godly women, though so different from each other and from me. I am very blessed to have them as dear friends (and I thank the Lord for the phone). It is a great sadness to me that I have seen them both only once in the past 10 years.

[Kalypso]

I have 1 sister who is 5 years younger than me. We are very close and do not live near each other. I do not know what I would do without her. We are only able to see each other a couple of times a year, but we always make sure it happens.