What is/was your relationship with your father like?

[jld]

Are/were you Daddy's girl? Are/were you scared to death of your father? Did your relationship with your father influence your choice of husband? Does it affect how you view your husband's relationship with your children?

[The Girls' Mom]

Troubled and almost non-existant. I didn't see my father much, and it was strained when I did. My parents divorced when I was 3.

 

Now that I'm grown, we keep in touch, but that's about it. He's remarried and has a child the same age as mine. They seem like distant relatives sometimes.

 

My step-father, however, was a good dad to me. He took care of me, and loved me as his own. He ADORED my girls. When he passed away 2 years ago, it was almost harder than when my mom passed away. He did work a lot though, so my time with him was kind of limited.

 

My dh, really isn't anything like either of them. He's a good dad and husband and is much, much more involved in our everyday lives.

[michelle l]

My dad absolutely delighted in me. I am realizing more and more as I hear other women's stories how very lucky I am.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

My dad was wonderful, very involved with the home and the kids. He did laundry, cooked dinner, and played board games with us all the time.

 

My husband is nothing like my dad.

[LisaKinVA]

Complicated. I was not a "daddy's girl." I am a lot like my dad in some ways (not always the ones I'd prefer :tongue_smilie:). But, our relationship isn't so strained we can't be comfortable around one another, either. My dad is a bit terrifying (I remember that growing up). He focuses on the negatives. He has some very irritating habits -- but I do know he loves us, and would do whatever he could for his children.

[Liza Q]

Not Daddy's girl - that is more my younger sister. Not scared of him - he is a pretty sweet guy.

 

I consciously chose a man who was quite different from my Dad. Sweet is great but... Once in the 70s he was laid off from work and he did not tell my Mom for nearly a year! For years he would cash his paycheck, take what he wanted (it was always a reasonable amount but still!) give her the rest and expect her to manage with what was left, whether or not it was enough. Not because he was greedy but because it was what his father had always done - a wife did not need to know how much he made! He never noticed what time it was and was late for everything. Worked a zillion hours...though I do appreciate that! My Mom also worked and had to do everything in the house. Not that he could have helped much (he is a double amputee, terrible accident when I was a baby) but he wouldn't have even if he could - again, the way he was raised.

 

My parents relationship is - Dad does whatever he wants. So long as it does not interfere with what he wants, my Mom is free to do whatever she wants. I wanted to be a partner, kwim?

 

My children have a better relationship with my husband than I did with my Dad and I don't think it is a matter of perception. He makes sure that he spends a lot of time with them and he really knows them. My Dad loved us but did not get to know us as people till we were adults.

[PiCO]

Before we married, I took my dh to a family reunion- 60th wedding anniversary of my father's parents. Distant relatives kept going up to future dh and asking him how he was related to *my* grandfather.

 

At our wedding, the best man's wife took one look at my father and said,"We don't have to ask whose father that is!" She thought he was dh's father.

 

So evidently I married someone who looked exactly like my father. Fortunately, he did not behave like my father.

[DawnM]

My dad is my ROCK! He is very stable and loving and I really appreciate him.

 

My mom is a whole different story. ;)

[*Inna*]

He was/is emotionally withdrawn. I know he loves me, but doesn't know how to show it. I don't have any memories of us spending time together etc. I think he just handed the whole raising a child thing over to my mom.

 

It's interesting that now, in my 30s, I have started thinking about our relationship (or lack of it). It explains a great deal of how desperately I was seeking attention of any male, especially an older ones, in my teens/early 20s.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Non-existant. My parents separated several times as I was growing up, and finally divorced when I was 17. My father was physically violent with my mother and did not interact much with us kids.

 

Dh is nothing like my father. He was very close to his father and has a difficult time trying to understand why I want nothing to do with mine.

[Mejane]

He was a great father but not demonstrative, although I knew he loved me. I was always a bit intimidated by him, and uncomfortable when we were alone. We got much closer after my mom died, and had five very nice years before he died. My daughter is much closer to her father, and that makes me happy.

[elegantlion]

As a child it was weird. My dad worked 2nd shift and weekends, we rarely saw him. I have one sister, she was daddy's girl. I'm a momma's girl. My dad is quiet and reserved. He was raised as an only child so I think he had a hard time raising two girls, looking back he was withdrawn in many ways.

 

However, as an adult that has changed. He really has taken steps to be a father and build a relationship with me and my sister. I had cancer at age 26 and I think that changed several things in his thinking. Although he's hundred of miles away he's active in our lives. He adores my husband, thinks my son is the coolest kid (along with his other two grandsons).

 

He's done a lot of things for us, specifically saying this is his attempt to make up for not doing all he could have when we were younger.

[littlebug42]

This is such a complicated question for me. My parents divorced when I was 4. He was a violent, abusive alcoholic and the only thing I remember about my parents being married was how much he used to hit her and even pulled a gun on her once which I believe he would have used had my 12 year old brother not whacked him with an iron skillet. He drifted in and out of my childhood but the prevailing emotion I had for him then was hatred.

 

As an adult and we found our voices, my brother, sister and I flat out told him that if he wanted a relationship with us, he would not be drinking. We would not subject ourselves to it and certainly never our children. He was actually a pretty funny, enjoyable person when not drinking. We were able to forge a better relationship but never completely leaving behind those emotional scars of childhood.

 

My Dad died last August. My mother took him into her home in the last few days of his life when he had nowhere else to go, which is a pretty powerful lesson in forgiveness for me. He died at the hospital, surrounded by his children and grandchildren (except my daughters who are just too young for the pretty brutal death he experienced). His last words were how much he loved his children, an emotion not often expressed in life. I am grateful that I had the last years that I did with my Dad and that my children were able to know and love him completely, not tainted by the alcohol.

 

My dh is nothing like my Dad except for the fact that they both have dark hair. Dh is not overly emotional either but he is my rock and he is such a great Dad. They now go to a father/daughter dance every year and it reminds me of how much I missed out on but I am so, so thankful that my girls have that. They are definitely Daddy's girls.

 

(Sorry this got so long - an emotional topic for me right now).

[Dandelion]

Non-existant. My parents separated when I was 4 months old, and we moved to Germany (where my mother was from). I never saw him again. He died when I was 10 years old. My mother never remarried.

 

From what I understand, he was a wonderful person when he was sober - but unfortunately, he was an alcoholic who became very abusive when he drank.

 

My 2yo DD has a WONDERFUL relationship with my husband - she's definitely a little daddy's girl. It brings tears of joy to my eyes to know that she is going to have a very different experience growing up and that she'll get to experience that special bond between father and daughter.

[mommaduck]

My mama and dad were divorced when I was a baby. He signed over his rights, thinking I was being placed for adoption, and walked out of my life until I was 30yrs old and I walked back into his. We met, we talked for a bit on the phone, he started to screw my stepmother over, so at the moment none of his daughters are talking to him.

[HRAAB]

My dad was my hero, my knight in shining armor, my rock. Yes, his character most definitely influenced me in what I looked for in a husband: integrity, responsible, hard working, moral, respectful, honesty, faithful. My dh is different in many ways from my dad but very similar when it comes to character.

[TXMomof4]

I adore my dad. I was in awe of him growing up, now we are best friends. He loves and cares for my mom (and always has) but he is the rock in our family. He and dh couldn't be farther apart in personality - dad is laid back, easy going, very quiet. DH is pretty high-strung. But they have the same values and same goals in mind.

[Nakia]

My dad was an abusive alcoholic who left us when I was six and my brother was three and moved to Italy for three years. When he came back, he was in and out (mostly out) of our lives. He made an *ss of himself at my wedding, and I didn't see him again until a few weeks ago. He is still an alcoholic. He has been married several times. I do not have a relationship with him, but my brother does. My mother remarried a wonderful man who raised us as his own. I adore him!

 

My husband is the opposite of my biological father. He is strong and solid and hates alcohol. I gave him a really hard time the first two years we were married. I had so much anger and resentment towards my father, and I took it out on Patrick. Finally one day Patrick sat me down and told me that I wasn't going to push him away, that he was staying, and I needed to stop trying to make him leave. It was a life changing moment for me. My husband is amazing.

[Daisy]

Let's just say I married someone who was NOTHING like my Dad. My hubby & I have been married 15 years today and it's been the best 15yrs of my life.

[PinkInTheBlue]

Well, my actual Dad didn't want me. He's never known what to do with me. I haven't seen him in quite a while but he has a great relationship (apparently) with my only brother who is 8 1/2 years younger than me. My dad is a liar and manipulator and it still drives me crazy because I'll often have this little conversation with the little girl in my head wondering if he's changed and maybe I should call him. Every time I give in to that it ends up the same. It's such an exhausting struggle to continue to have though.

 

My "daddy" was my stepfather even though he and my mother divorced about 12 years ago. He and his wife are really big church goers and I no longer am. He can't understand that and it's been the elephant in the room for years. It appears to be coming to a head now though and I've just about had enough. I've been a pastor's wife and at the church every time the doors were open. I know. Trust me, I know more than he does. I'm not missing anything but the opportunity to socialize. That's all I miss. I guess he things I can't be a Christian and not go to church. I believe it's about to be the end of us. I can't believe he's willing to put church between us. I'm so tired of it.

 

What is it about Dads? I'm unimpressed with 99.9% of them.

[Krista in LA]

My dad is my hero. I'm definitely a daddy's girl and besides my dh and kids, he is the most important person to me. Growing up, he worked a lot to support our family of 7 - I couldn't wait for him to get home each day and usually greeted him at the door with cheers of "Yay, yay, Daddy's home!" We have a very special relationship to this day. Up until my mom retired last year, I would call him every Saturday morning while she was at work and we would talk for hours.

 

My dh doesn't have a good relationship with my dd and it makes me really sad. I want them both to have what my dad and I have. I keep hoping that someday it will get better for them.

[MomtoCandJ]

I was very much a daddy's girl, my dad did everything he could to make us happy. We grew up poor but didn't really notice much because we still had lots to do like fishing and playing games. My dad died 26 days after dh and I got married :(. I wish Cali could have met her papa, I think he would have been as great as a grandfather as he was a dad.

[Desert Rat]

I've always been daddy's girl. I married a man who has a similar personality as my dad. There were a few years when my mom covinced me my dad was not a good man (long story for another time) and we didn't talk. I am still upset to this day that my mom lied to me. When I confronted dad about my mom he said that he had married her for better or worse. This was the worse part and he wasn't about to make me choose sides. I felt a little like Solomon's baby. He's a good man. We came through that stonger. My dh doesn't have a father figure alive and uses my dad for a sounding board and advise column. My boys love him and he loves having them around. We live 2 blocks away and see my dad several times a week. I think my dh is doing a great job with my boys and is with them more than my dad was with us. He was always there when we needed him but worked a couple jobs at the time.

[6packofun]

I chose a husband who was *not* like my father in most ways, on purpose. My dad was gone a lot on business when I was younger, but he was a fun dad when he was there. He and my mom fought a lot and got divorced when I was 12. Once I hit 12-13, I felt like both he and my mom were so consumed with their own stuff (and had been for a few years before that) that I was left to figure out life on my own. He never gave advice, but admonished me in some scary ways sometimes. lol He was definitely an authority I did not want to disappoint, but I wished he'd given me more guidance. We're not close.

 

My husband, however, is very funny and I think my dad was always funny as well. That's about all they have in common! LOL I told dh while we were dating that I wasn't interested if his career goals would include regular travel. We both wanted children and I didn't want an absent father for our kids. (My dad, on the other hand, was and is very uncomfortable with young children--my dh is awesome with kids!)

 

I'm sad to say that my view of God is sometimes tied too much to how I feel about and see my dad, but that's another thread. LOL!!

[MrsBasil]

My dad is awesome. He's a great guy, stable, supportive of me no matter what,and loving but not demonstrative about it. He'll help me paint a room, but we only hug at major events like my wedding. I'm the same way though.

 

My DH and my dad are similar. They are both hard working, stable men who put family first, are supportive of their loved ones, and are kind.

 

My husband is great with our young son and I see that he and my dad interact with him in similar ways.

[Tap]

My father was 47 when I was born. He had 3 kids by a previous marriage that he never saw (in the 1950's fathers didn't have many rights to visitation).

 

He met my mother who had 4 kids also. They got together and had me. He was a good man, usually singing, acting silly (doing the Jello dance and such), or playing practical jokes. He was an avid outdoors man and my family spent a lot of time hunting/fishing/gold panning/camping when I was little. I don't remember much of it but I hear stories about my brothers and sisters sometimes (I was a baby). When I was about 10yo we started traveling and lived in 6 states in 6 years. By the time were done, I was in highschool. Dad completely retired shortly after that. One thing that I remember about my dad when I was a teen, was that he always drove me everywhere. He let me listed to hard rock tapes on his truck stereo and pretty much gave me the freedom to be me. I do think I was treated different by him, than my 1/2 siblings.

 

Dh is quite similar to my father. I don't think that was a conscious effort on my part as we have been together since we were 18.

[sparrow]

Complicated. I was not a "daddy's girl." I am a lot like my dad in some ways (not always the ones I'd prefer :tongue_smilie:). But, our relationship isn't so strained we can't be comfortable around one another, either. My dad is a bit terrifying (I remember that growing up). He focuses on the negatives. He has some very irritating habits -- but I do know he loves us, and would do whatever he could for his children.

 

 

I'm a little worried my dad has another family and we're half sisters :lol:. I also share some of my dad's worst traits, but we blow up at each other and it's done instead of holding stuff in (like my mom :().

 

Actually, I'm starting to see my dad in a new light since my ds had an Aspie diagnosis. I really think my dad could be on the spectrum.

 

My dh is the polar opposite of my dad and my dad just thinks the world of him. My dad doesn't know how dh "puts up with me" :001_rolleyes:.

[Rosie_0801]

My dad and I got along just fine until I started talking, apparently. It went downhill after that. We can have conversations about deeper topics than the weather, these days, without cracking the darks, but can both think of better people to hang out with. My sister is the daddy's girl, now we're adults, because she nods and smiles and pretends. I'm sure he and I would get along better if I did too, but authenticity is important to me. He and I don't have compatible styles of logic, either, and I get very tired with him mixing me up in his head with my mother. She's her, I'm me, we're not the same person so don't blame me for stuff you imagine she did to you. Urgh. And DON'T blame my daughter for whatever you think her mother or grandmother did to you.

 

Of course my relationship with my partner was influenced by my relationship with my dad. I made very sure to find a sweet tempered bloke who actually liked me! (As opposed to the guy who said "I feel sorry for any bloke that ends up with you." Ha. He thought he was being funny.)

 

Rosie

Edited May 12, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Cammie]

My dad absolutely delighted in me. .

 

 

I love the way you phrased this...it really evokes a feeling. I think it was true for me as well. I was definately a "daddy's girl" for thirty years, until my parent's divorce. At that point I was so consumed with anger at what I saw as his destruction of my "perfect" family that I pretty much shut him out for ten years. We are on the mend now, but have nothing like the relationship we had 10 years ago.

 

I don't think DH is much like him...except maybe for the intensity - they are both pretty intense people.

[BridgeTea]

My dad was a sweet man that everyone really seemed to like and admire. He never gave us reason to fear him. He was firm but gentle, delighted in showing us how to do new things, and took us on roadtrips "so that we could see the country's geography in person". Too bad my family didn't know about homeschooling - he would've been a natural!

 

He wasn't around long enough to meet his youngest grandchild (the one who I am now homeschooling). What a shame I don't have him as a resource! He was such a smart man, too, forever teaching himself new things. He changed careers every few years, which kept us moving around a lot. That could be frustrating, but looking back it was almost as if he knew he wouldn't live to be old, and was trying to cram in as much knowlege and as many adventures as he could! I miss him so much.

 

I married a very sweet and gentle guy who has a lot of my dad's traits. He and my dad got along very well. They both had/have great respect for women.

 

p.s. I was the only girl, sandwiched between boys. Not a daddy's girl, though. That wouldn't have worked for either of us. He adored all us kids equally.

[Orthodox6]

"Daddy's girl" sounds like a manipulating, self-centered, immature female. I don't like the term.

 

I have a wonderful father. We differ fundamentally about religion (he has none), which is sad and painful. Other than that, I am blessed beyond measure.

 

DH and my father are very, very different. They are alike, however, in their devotion to family and their core unselfishness.

[MamaT]

My father was the sweetest, most loving man I have ever known. His first priority was always his family. We were very close. He passed away in 2004 and I still have moments of intense sadness that he is not here.

 

My dh is very much like him.

[TammyinTN]

My dad worked shifts. He was grouchy and tight with his money. Everything had to be perfect at home. It was all a show for everyone. I think that's one of many reasons it's so easy for me to stay away.

 

My husband is with us every chance he gets. He spoils is family and delights in it. He's soft spoken and very level headed. He's a family first kinda guy. Very different from my Dad.

[EarleneW]

I was an only child and Daddys Girl for sure! When he passed away was the hardest day of my life. I still miss him dearly!

[bluemongoose]

My dad was an abusive alcoholic who left us when I was six and my brother was three and moved to Italy for three years. When he came back, he was in and out (mostly out) of our lives. He made an *ss of himself at my wedding, and I didn't see him again until a few weeks ago. He is still an alcoholic. He has been married several times. I do not have a relationship with him, but my brother does. My mother remarried a wonderful man who raised us as his own. I adore him!

 

My husband is the opposite of my biological father. He is strong and solid and hates alcohol. I gave him a really hard time the first two years we were married. I had so much anger and resentment towards my father, and I took it out on Patrick. Finally one day Patrick sat me down and told me that I wasn't going to push him away, that he was staying, and I needed to stop trying to make him leave. It was a life changing moment for me. My husband is amazing.

 

I was going to tell my story, but Nakia already did :lol:. Well, except the going to Italy part and the wedding part. My father lived nearby and he was NOT invited to my wedding! And my husband is not named Patrick:tongue_smilie:.

[sassenach]

The phrase that best describes my dad is, "He had the best of intentions." My dad is super sweet, super loving, and super clueless. He was basically raised by his neighbors, and as a consequence has never really known how to function in a family. He is/was a workaholic who regularly put others before our family. His intentions were always to help others, but he used others as a way to escape emotionally engaging with his family. The end result is that my parents divorced. My dad and I talk about once a month. I know that he loves me, but I don't depend on him physically or emotionally.

 

My dh is a complete 180 as far as engaging with his family. He is completely connected in with his kids and with me. Even though dh is a pastor, and therefore there is a constant pull for his time and attention, he has managed to always put our family first. I'm so very grateful for that.

[fairfarmhand]

The relationship with my dad has always been complicated. He was/is a pastor and all my life I felt the pressure of being a pastor's child. Perfection was always so far away, but regularly expected. It was almost like he didn't want to know who his kids really were, he just wanted us to put on the front of perfection. It led to tons of deception and falseness in our relationship. He was a workaholic and I guess just didn't want to take the time to get to know us for who we really were. It makes me sad to think of it. My mom was fabulous. She parented us pretty much on her own and held the house together. I NEVER remember my dad helping with the household chores. He provided and took care of the yard work, but the rest was up to mom.

 

To this day, I struggle with being genuine even with my dh. Not that he expects perfection, but that I'm deeply afraid of rejection if I fail at something. He does have some similar traits to my dad, but those traits are tempered by his deep love for his family. He is willing to listen and consider that he might not know everything and he truly desires to know his kids (and me) for who we REALLY are. He also realizes that HIS family is the most important family on the planet for him. No church work, (although we are deeply involved in it) no occupational work (although he's a fabulous provider and enjoys his job) no hobbies (although he loves farming) is more important than our family. He is really good about helping around the house, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed and ask for it. (typical guy in that he doesn't just SEE what needs to be done, but he is willing to pitch in when I ask.) I regularly tell him that he's never sexier that when he's vacuuming.... :)

 

I do have a better relationship with my dad now than I ever had. (that's not really saying much) Much of it is due to the fact that we live 3 hours apart and his irritating traits I don't have to tolerate more than a few days every couple months. Much of it is due to the fact that my mother has been seriously ill for the past 5 years and that has given him a totally new perspective. He's never apologized for the years of my childhood, but he does acknowledge that he missed out on alot, and I believe he deeply regrets that.

[Irene Lynn]

I had a pretty bad relationship and hated him before I was 5. BUT in the past few years I have finally realized that he would probably have been diagnosed with Aspergers if it had been known about years ago. That would have been SO helpful. He was very critical and angry. I was always in trouble. He did not know how to have a relationship period. In many ways he is not a bad man and is SO much better, when he is not parenting. We have a fine relationship as adults, but it isn't like a father and daughter. It is more like a couple of people who are nice to each other and generally interested in the goings on in each other's lives. He is a "nice" man, who wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, but as a father he just did not have a single clue. He expected us to be adults and not just any adult, no, it had to be one just like him, who thought like he did and chose not to do anything. I happen to be a strong individual who is very creative. Not a good match. And with all the punishment and no relationship, just critisism, anger, anxiety, tons of rules, and a strong willed child, I was SO confused, frustrated, and angry.

 

My dad got a bad rap from our family. He had a wife and 2 girls, who didn't like him and were afraid of him. His punishment was always controlled, but he was just always frustrated and angry. Now I realize that our behavior toward him was just about the worst thing that we could have done with someone with Aspergers. I wish I had known that he REALLY could NOT relate to us. That he showed his concern (I really can't call it love) for us through ways that drove us nuts, but that didn't change the fact that it was him showing some care for us. He is a very faithful man, who just can't have a real relationship with anyone. That has made him sad. He truly related to us (his daughters) totally differently as soon as we left the house. Once we did, he no longer felt it was his responsibility to mold us into the adults he thought we should be. He was able to let us be ourselves. We have had conversations as adults that I never would have expected while I was still in the house. It really is different, just pleasant friends.

 

My dh is mostly different from my father, but the older we get the more I see a few similarities. He is not the best in the relating department, but is certainly better. He loves his kids, and me, and we all know it. He can also play and is not a strong disciplinarian. He is not ruled by anger or anxiety. In so many ways he is different, but I think that as complex as we each are as individuals, that there are always some ways we are similar, too. I am thankful for my dh.

[TravelingChris]

My father was a wonderful man. He was very quiet but in his quiet was a lot of intelligence and creativity. He was well liked and respected even though he was quiet. He worked long hours but I remember spending very good times with him. From him, I got my love for movies and mysteries. We would watch old mvies on Saturdays afternoons when he was off and go to the library most Saturday mornings. He would take us on great day trips and very interesting vacations. He didn't want our vacations to just be rest times so we were always going on nature walks, visiting interesting things like dams or historical sites, and learning practical things like boating and swimming. I was always amazed by his ability to play what he heard without notes. He played things like Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata for us. He also got me interested in current events- he worked as a journalist, writing stories for the Voice of America. He died when I was 13 from a heart attack.

 

My dh is somewhat similar to him. He is also fairly quiet but well liked and respected. Dh also works long hours and while he doesn't read many mysteries, he is always reading and learning. They look nothing alike since my father had dark brown wavy hair, brown eyes, and olive skin while my dh has straight, strawberry blond hair, blue eyes,, and fair skin but their personalities have a number of similarities.

[elise1mds]

Are/were you Daddy's girl? Are/were you scared to death of your father? Did your relationship with your father influence your choice of husband? Does it affect how you view your husband's relationship with your children?

 

My relationship with my dad is better than the one with my mom and for one simple reason: My dad DOES. My mom hashes, rehashes, wants opinions, asks everyone else to make the decision for her, etc. IN short, she drives me bonkers. My dad doesn't dither. He makes up his mind, bucks up and does it, which is very much like me.

 

When I was growing up, he and I were closer simply because I have a similar personality to his; my sister is more like my mom. Sure, he was scary sometimes, but heck, when my temper flares, so am I. It scared my mother when he and I fought, but he never backed down, and I'm grateful for that now. He also is the one who showed up to a few of my band performances without telling me he was going to be there; my mom only ever went to one football game in all four years of high school.

 

My dad and my husband are alike in a few ways, but they are fundamentally very different people. I was too young when I met DH and married him to really delve into that notion. The greatest similarities my DH and my father have is that they both like to drink beer. That's about it. They get along great, but my dad is an conservative Republican who owns a pawn shop and has a massive gun safe or two; my husband never held a gun in his life till after we were married and is a good ol' Democrat.

 

Can't say I've ever been able to look at my father's relationship with me in terms of DH's relationship with the kids. That, too, is a fundamentally different situation.

[Sue G in PA]

No time to write my "review" of my relationship but wanted to suggest a great book...Always Daddy's Girl. It is a book that tells you how your relationship with your father helped to shape who you are today...for better and worse. Good read...but might dig up some "issues" so be prepared to discuss with a good friend, counselor, pastor, etc. if it gets "hairy". :)

[Mrs Mungo]

Are/were you Daddy's girl? Are/were you scared to death of your father? Did your relationship with your father influence your choice of husband? Does it affect how you view your husband's relationship with your children?

 

 

I have a fine relationship with my dad. I was neither a Daddy's girl, nor was I ever afraid of him.

 

As far as my husband goes? I picked a husband that was a LOT different from my dad because of the relationship between my parents.

[Elaine]

My dad was my hero, my knight in shining armor, my rock. Yes, his character most definitely influenced me in what I looked for in a husband: integrity, responsible, hard working, moral, respectful, honesty, faithful. My dh is different in many ways from my dad but very similar when it comes to character.

 

I could say the very same thing.:001_smile:

[Mommy22alyns]

When my parents were married, I felt like I didn't see my dad much and when he was around he was the stern disciplinarian. After my parents divorced, my dad mellowed out some and we developed a great, fun relationship. And now I see a new dimension of my dad as "Grampy" which is just awesome. :001_smile:

 

I feel like I can talk to my dad more than I can even talk to my mom. And we love to talk baseball.

[mom2jjka]

My dad left my mom when he found out she was pregnant.

I had absolutely NO contact with him until I was 27. I should have left it that way. I have since broken off all ties.

 

The best thing my mom could have done for me/us was to raise me as a single parent.

[mysticamethyst]

I was the product of a one night stand, she kind of new my dad but not really. I have recently found out I have a 2 half-brothers. As for picking my hubby, I don't think my lack of father had anything to do his qualities.

[kalanamak]

Are/were you Daddy's girl? Are/were you scared to death of your father? Did your relationship with your father influence your choice of husband? Does it affect how you view your husband's relationship with your children?

 

I was a tomboy who adored her father. We were very affectionate, and he was patient and cheerful and loved kids. I chose a man to father my child by his fathering abilities, not husband abilities. I wasn't really interested in a husband, nor support financial or emotional. I wanted a good daddy for a baby. I waited decades to find one. I think that I close my eyes to somethings I'd rather my husband didn't expose my son to (a.m. talk radio for one) because I am such a firm believer in the importance of a dad, even an imperfect one.

[babysparkler]

Are/were you scared to death of your father?

 

This. My sister has been in and out of relationships with abusive people just like our dad, but I went the other end of the spectrum and found someone completely opposite of him who is kind, sensitive, gentle, respectful, honest, etc. I've always wondered why the difference between my sister and me... we were only 10 months apart and grew up "like twins", but we turned out so differently...

[amy g.]

I grew up thinking that my dad preferred my sister. It turns out that I thought that because my mom kept telling me that he did.

 

I lived with him some when I was a teenager, and my parents were divorced. He always has something interesting to talk about or do.

 

I love that he never made us feel "less than" for being girls, and was very supportive when my sister came out of the closet.

 

He is very close to my kids, and never shows favoritism. He makes sure to spend time with each of them doing what that grandchild is interested in.

 

I chose a man that is smart, like my dad is, but my dad is not very motivated by money. I specifically chose a husband that I believed would be a good provider, and he always has been.

 

My husband's dad died when we were in college. He never knew either of his grandfathers. He said that my dad taught him how to be a father-in-law, a grandfather, and a friend.

 

It is very special to me to see how much my kids and husband love my dad. I'm lucky to have him.

[Laura Corin]

My father was loving but very private - a calm presence but more likely to sit down with a book than to get involved. Husband is just as calm but more involved with the children - that may just be a change caused by different expectations of fathers in this generation.

 

Laura