"She would rather read than play"

[Jennifer]

Disclaimer: I am at the library and only have 30 minutes and am still emotionally raw so if this is jumbled and rushed and full of typos please go easy on me.

 

My three girls are in public school this year-grades 4,3 and 1. I burned out BIG over the summer (think going down in flames big) and the decision was made between DH and I that the girls would go to school this year while I recovered and got my life back together. So please, don't say "I told you so" or anything like that because ps is really my only choice for this year.

 

Parent-teacher conferences were this afternoon. Everything is great for the 3rd and 1st grader, reading and math above level, no problems in the classroom, it seems I haven't ruined them with homeschooling. (This is the first year all my older kids have been in school-I have a 3 year old at home). Then I went to meet with my daughter's 4th grade teacher. The GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) teacher was there as well, DD is in GATE for reading.

 

Good news first. The kids took placement tests at the beginning of the year and today I find out that dd is reading/comprehending on an 8th grade level and is doing math at a 7th grade level. The teachers referred to her as an "outlier" because her scores were so far from the norm. Yeah for homeschooling! Then I learn that they are concerned because of her "lack of social skills". It seems that dd would rather read or draw or write a poem during recess than play and talk with the other girls. The teachers told me this was because she is so smart and a "high-level thinker" that she just has other things on her mind. I don't see where that is a problem. Anyone who knows Anne (there are a couple of those people on this board!) knows that she is NOT lacking in social skills. She can converse with anyone, she is polite, kind, and attentive. She's not overly shy. The teacher did tell me that part of the problem is that most of the kids in the school have been there since kindergarten and have formed their "little cliques" (her words) from the very beginning. So Anne doesn't fit in because she's new to school this year.

 

SO, the teachers want to refer Anne to the school psychologist for her perceived lack of social skills. Something about working on her interpersonal skills using "friendship groups". I started crying right there in the classroom (and am tearing up again). Since when did being smart and creative and thinking a little bit differently mean someone needed to see a pyschologist? I've created a misfit. I don't care if she would rather read or draw during recess than play/talk with the other girls.

 

Please tell me this will all be ok. I felt so validated as a homeschooler at the beginnig of the confernece and then was told that my daughter was odd and socially ackward/backward because of it.

 

I can't pull her out of school. Anne enjoys school and doesn't perceive any problems. She has told me before that all the other girls talk about is Miley Cyrus and High School Musical and "stuff like that" and she doesn't find it interesting so she opens a book.

 

I don't even know what I want y'all to say. Some encouragement, maybe someone has experienced this before. Would you accept this referral to the counselor? It sounds like hogwash to me-having to see the counselor becuase you choose not to interact with your peers seems like a quick way to really be called wierd.

 

We are moving next summer and Anne will be homeschooled again. I can't wait. She has so much potential and is being held back (academically/creativally) in the classroom.

 

I have to go, time has run out. Please be kind to me!

Jennifer

[fivetails]

Would you accept this referral to the counselor?

 

Nope. Sounds like your daughter herself isn't upset about the situation eh? She's just bored with the conversations (Miley/etc) and has some of her own interests that she'd rather pursue -- there's not a thing wrong with that. If she's content - I'd leave it be. :)

 

Also - do you want something in her records that could, down the road, potentially be used against you with respect to homeschooling? IE, comments about her not being "properly socialized" or some junk like that? It could happen.

 

You didn't create a misfit. Nobody creates misfits - we just kinda grow that way. ;)

 

{I'm teasing, but I was indeed a 'misfit' in school - and any efforts by teachers to "fix" that always backfired. I just wanted them to leave. me. alone.:tongue_smilie:}

[jujsky]

Jennifer,

 

When I was in school (and I was in PS my whole school career -- I was never homeschooled) I often read books or wrote poetry or stories during recess. Some kids are introverts. Some are introspective. Some just really like to read and write, and don't get enough time to read and write what they want because of the strict structure and schedules of schools so they do that in their free time (that would be me!). I honestly don't see what she's doing as a problem. If you haven't witnessed your daughter having social problems in group situations when you homeschooled her, there probably isn't a problem.

 

I doubt the school can make her see a psychologist against her will, or join in any of these social group things they were telling you about. Your daughter is probably not a misfit. If she is operating that many grade levels ahead, she may just be on a different intellectual plain than her peers. I bet she'd do better interacting with older children.

 

Talk to your DD and see what she thinks about school. If you don't think there is a problem after talking to her, I would blow off what the teachers said. :grouphug:

[melissel]

I would tell the school just what they could do with their referral. She's been in school for all of, what, 6 weeks? 4? She'll adjust, and if she doesn't, so what? She'll blaze her own trail. I'd rather not have her in the middle of crowd anyway.

 

I'm sorry you're freaking out :grouphug: I don't think there's any good way through grade school. It's all ugly, and you just have to get through the best you can.

 

ETA, I just read the other responses, and ITA. Also, when I spoke to the teachers/counselors/whoever, I would make it clear that I do NOT want this issue addressed with my daughter directly, and if I found out that she was on the receiving end of comments that made her feel bad about doing her own thing, there would be hell to pay. Of course, I'd say it more politely than that (hopefully!), but I'd make sure my meaning was CRYSTAL clear. Hoo baby, can you tell I'm steamed up for you??? :D

Edited October 9, 2009 by melissel

[Sophia]

The way I see it, those teachers are trying to create a problem where one doesn't exist.

No! Do not accept a referral! You just said you know your daughter is fine and people you trust affirm that; leave her be.

 

I know you were blindsided by this, but don't let the teachers label her as socially awkward because they have a narrow view of desirable and acceptable behavior in a 4th grader.

 

Good grief. I am so sorry you have to put up with that. Hope your year goes quickly!

[4kiddies]

I wouldn't send her to the psych. I was one of those kids who prefered to read and I turned out okay. I actually had a teacher tell my parents that I was no longer allowed to bring a book from home to school because I would rush thru my work just so I could read. I wouldn't worry about it. SHe'll be fine, especially is she doesn't seem unhappy.

[Harriet Vane]

Do NOT accept their referral.

 

Your daughter is being singled out for her intelligence and for her personality type. I think you should tell the teacher that being happily introverted is NOT a psychological problem.

 

I was one of those who would read or draw off in a corner by myself too. There's nothing wrong with that.

[hsmom3tn]

It sounds like she knows who she is and what her interests are, and doesn't have a problem with not being in one of these "cliques". I don't see that as a problem. If she was upset about not having more friends in her class or being socially unaccepted, then I would be worried.

 

If you are planning to bring her back home for school, and she really seems to be handling this okay, then why not go ahead and find some homeschoolers to get acquainted with? Start looking for a support group or something like that, and maybe you can search out a potential friend for your daughter to spend time with; even if it's just on the weekends sometimes, or a penpal correspondence.

[pianoplayer]

You're getting some good advice! No way would I accept the referral to a psychologist, and I would insist that the matter not be brought up with my daughter.

 

Does the school offer an all-around gifted/talented program (not just an accelerated program for reading)? Sounds to me like your daughter should be in it and not in her regular classroom. I would recommend that you and your husband consider talking to the principal to see what can be done to challenge rather than frustrate your child.

 

Hang in there!:grouphug:

[MBG]

Based on your description of her as social, and the fact you said your dd doesn't perceive any problem, I would not send her to a counselor. I'm not opposed to counselors. I do not see it as a sign of weakness. However, who really has a problem here? Not your dd.

 

IF your dd wants to find a way to get more connected to these kids and sort of break into a "clique" then she may want to try to get to know one girl and build from there. She could join a team or club, etc. I just don't see how therapy would really help her.

 

Your daughter sounds wonderful. Yeah for her that she is thriving so much in math and reading. That is the most important thing. Take time for yourself this year and make sure when you homeschool again you do create support so you won't burn out (mother's helper? exercise time? whatever that is for you)

[katilac]

Schools are very big on socialization and conformity. Their definition of a problem does not have to be your definition of a problem. Just keep in mind that they are looking at the world through a different lens than you, and are probably genuinely concerned about your dd. I wouldn't be overly upset that they suggested the referral.

 

If I thought that dd was happy in school, and not bothered by limited interaction with classmates, I'd refuse the referral and assure them that dd is fine and has other social opportunities, isn't overly shy, etc.

 

If I felt that dd was unhappy in school, I'd still refusal a referral for those reasons, unless I knew and trusted the school and counselor very, very well. If I didn't, I'd pull her out and have a very low-key, low-prep academic year if needed. Dealing with school issues and traumas would be far more stressful to me than having them at home, even in the midst of burnout, and I wouldn't want dd to go through that.

[ncmomo3]

She sounds like a secure, confident, interesting girl. Sorry they hit you with this. They never would have even thought twice about her reading interests if she were coming from a school rather than coming from a homeschool environment. I vote no on the referral. :grouphug:

[OHGrandma]

If she is content with how things are, she is fine! If she is moody, brooding, cranky, reading dark stuff, then consider some outside help. But she sounds like she's happy, and knows herself better than most kids at that age. You are doing fine, and it shows how well you are doing because you are able to hear her teachers, consider what they say, and determine if it's an accurate assessment of a child they've know for a few weeks.

[Starr]

Maybe the girls in the "little cliques" need to go to manners school. :D

[yslek]

Your dd sounds like me at that age, and I went to ps from 1st grade on (preschool before that.) When we moved from Germany to the US, I was faced with the situation of being a new kid at a school where everyone had already formed their groups and knew each other (5th grade.) I signed up as a "library helper", which involved staying inside for one recess each day to shelve & organize books. I remember wishing that I could do this every recess. :D

 

I do remember my parents meeting with my teacher in Germany about social difficulties, but nothing like counseling ever ensued. Jr. High was slightly better for me (socially) than Elementary, High School a little better than that, and the semester I spent at college was wonderful. :D She'll be fine; you didn't ruin her. :)

[Impish]

I was never home schooled, yet could be found pretty much every recess, huddled in a corner, reading a book.

 

No WAY would I accept the referral. Your dd shouldn't be treated like there's something wrong with her. It would only damage her self esteem...and there's nothing at all wrong with choosing to read when the children surrounding her are all less mature!

[orangearrow]

Do not send this child to a shrink. Do NOT let them tell her that something is "wrong" with her. She seems happy. Let her be.

 

I was her, once. I was forced into "friendship circles" and all the like. I was never homeschooled (their excuse for the social differences) - but I was an introvert. Happily! I would read, or draw and daydream and let my mind wander in my 30 mere minutes of "free time", but ohhhhh no! The teachers couldn't have that! I must be unhappy! I must be miserable! I must WANT friends (I had friends, thankyouverymuch - they just didn't happen to be in my grade at school! LOL).

 

You tell them to back off or I'll come at 'em with a broom handle. ;) Leave that girl alone! She will be fine! She IS fine!

 

:D

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

I just want to say that I wish beyond what words can express that I had so comfortably preferred reading over 'socializing' in PS.

[Colleen in NS]

The teachers told me this was because she is so smart and a "high-level thinker" that she just has other things on her mind.

 

The teacher did tell me that part of the problem is that most of the kids in the school have been there since kindergarten and have formed their "little cliques" (her words) from the very beginning.

 

Since when did being smart and creative and thinking a little bit differently mean someone needed to see a pyschologist?

 

Would you accept this referral to the counselor?

 

Goodness, no way would I accept that!!!! :grouphug:

 

You sound like you know *exactly* what is going on with your daughter, and that you are confident that *there is no problem!*

 

The teacher recognizes that she has other things on her mind (good things). Then the teacher says that part of the problem is cliques. Well, who needs cliques anyway.

 

She doesn't need a psychologist to help her fit into a temporary environment. She just needs to be left alone to learn in peace, and enjoy her books. And you don't need a "professional" meddling in your child's life, if you truly don't think it's needed (and you don't sound like you do) - that could just open up all sorts of cans of worms, if the "professional" decided your daughter needed other things, too.

 

Stick to your guns and hold on until next year.

 

:grouphug:

Edited October 9, 2009 by Colleen in NS

[tex-mex]

First, let me give you a big :grouphug:!!! It will be okay.

 

((DEEP BREATH))

 

I have been an elementary school teacher with homeschoolers coming into my classroom and 99.9% of them were all exceptionally bright. They had no problems academically. Most of them blended in. I only had a few who had a tougher transition time. I need to point out THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Personally, your daughter sounds like a delight! I know of many teachers who would love to have someone of her caliber in their classroom!

 

Trying to fit in is tough for any new student... whether you are homeschooled or just moving in to the area from out of state. Your child has to learn to navigate the waters of girls... and at the 4th grade level, girls tend to have a harder time. (IMO) Cliques are more defined and deeply entrenched due to outside playdates, soccer, bday parties, etc. But it isn't at all like junior high or high school. She will fit in. If one ever did recess duty, you'd see not all kids play in groups -- some play by themselves, some hover from a distance, some sit at a table and read, some wait by the classroom, some hang out with the recess proctor & talk, some shoot basketballs with a group looking on, etc. They're kids. Let them be kids. Why try to control them?

 

My question is WHY the school feels some type of assessment is needed? What exactly are they basing this on? That part bothers me. I wonder if the school would be willing to try a "peer buddy" team of a reliable and trustworthy girl to befriend her. As a teacher, I have done this for certain bright students who had trouble navigating the social waters at recess and lunch times. I even opened up my classroom as a safe zone if the child was being bullied during recess. Can you ask the school librarian to allow her (and a friend) to come in during recess and "help" or read/whisper quitely? Something to break the ice and make a friend?

 

If she is having issues and there are legitimate daily scenarios of socially needing assessment... then yes, you may need to cross that bridge. But why create a "label" or make her feel uncomfortable for being intelligent and thoughtful? We need more creative and bright young minds to help our society! Why punish them? Me thinks the teacher is biased. (That is the only reason I think she called the school psych -- she has the power to call in extra help. But as a parent YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO.) I think the school needs to help the new kid ease in -- but with a different game plan. Stick to your guns!

Edited October 9, 2009 by tex-mex

[Cammie]

:grouphug:

 

This has nothing to do with you having homeschooled her! If you pop over to the accelerated learner board you will see that often very bright children do prefer different activiteis than their same-age peers - that is totally normal. This is a good thing. It is also a good thing that your daughter is confident enough to do what she wants to do rather than to try and do whatever is necessary to fit into a bunch of cliques.

 

BTW - I also prefered to read over any type of socialization. I turned out just fine - I think!:001_rolleyes:

[Tangerine]

I saw the title of this thread and just thought "OH, THE HORROR!". I mean, me too. My husband's parents tried for 10 years to get his nose out of a book and outside. He's now a rock climbing, skydiving fool, but a really smart one. People come into their own when they're ready.

[NorthwestMom]

tex mex is very wise.

 

Your daughter sounds like a textbook case of a profoundly gifted child. Got to hoagiesgifted.com and do some reading about gifted children and social skills. Your daughter probably has an entirely different way of thinking than other girls her age. As long as she is happy and has friends on her own terms, I would not worry about it.

 

My experience with ps in relation to my gifted children was that they really did not know how to handle them or what to expect.

 

:grouphug:

[AuntieM]

Oh my!

 

NO MOTHER GUILT ALLOWED! Your daughter sounds delightful! Refuse to consider that you have made her wrong in some way. That's a lie, recognize it as that.

 

As for the psychologist, no. No way. I would state that though she may be reluctant to engage with the other children, she is absolutely not a danger to herself or others, and you prefer to give her more time before taking such an action (as in, maybe NEXT year, hehehe, when she won't even be here...). It's only 6 weeks into the school year, do they really expect her to have instant best friends? Especially if it's well known that these other "cliques" are well established?

 

Is she unhappy? If so, I'd investigate it myself, perhaps with adult counsel of your choice (Sunday school teacher, etc.). But I would not let the state in on this one.

[Ellie]

No way would I allow her to see a psychologist. Sheesh. And good grief. Just say no, and talk to your dd to be sure she tells you if they have her meet with someone during school without telling you first.

[LNC]

Didn't read the other replies, but absolutely not! My mild mr, son with autism is in public school and a conversation group to help with pragmatics. Your daughter probably needs the quiet time bc school is sooooo overstimulating. She will be fine! Just emphasize to your daughter's teacher that her social skills are wonderful and adaptive, and that she will adapt to these cliques in time.

[Heather in Neverland]

I was the same way as a child...nose always in a book. Actually, I would still rather read than go to a party. I would rather read than do most things. :D

 

Do NOT let them stamp out your daughter's originality. God made her the way she is for a reason and the school has no right to tamper with that.

[linders]

:grouphug: I guess I would politely thank the teacher for her input and...ignore it. Don't let DD go to the school counselor, because then it will become a big deal. She sounds lovely!

[RanchGirl]

I would ask for another meeting to clarify this. The only "problem" they mentioned is that the other girls have formed cliques? How could a psychologist help your daughter with that? Is there some actual problem with your daughter? Why did you use the word misfit? Was that from them? I am a little confused here.

 

Either there's something missing from the explanation of the situation or they are biased against homeschoolers and trying to find something wrong just for that reason.

 

You said your daughter is intelligent, polite, kind, and friendly... sounds like you did a great job! What can a psychologist do to improve on that?!?

 

If you cannot come to an agreement with the teachers, I would calmly agree to disagree and ask that they let your daughter be herself. If they insist on pursuing this and are going to talk to your daughter directly to try and fix her supposed problem, I can't think of anything that would make me leave her in that situation.

 

Clearly she isn't going to learn anything there since she is so advanced. She would be better off reading books and self-directing math at home for a year if they are going to make her think she is a misfit.

 

Or maybe they think that since they can't offer her anything academically, they need to do something to prove their value to her by offering services?? It just makes no sense to me!

[Rosie_0801]

That's a funny idea. The counsellor is going to train her to find boring topics and boring people interesting? How would she do that? I suppose the time will come when your daughter will have to learn to giggle and say "Oh my God, really?" in a sincere sounding way, but I think she's a bit young for that yet.

 

Rosie- another one who preferred her book to her classmates...

[melissel]

That's a funny idea. The counsellor is going to train her to find boring topics and boring people interesting? How would she do that? I suppose the time will come when your daughter will have to learn to giggle and say "Oh my God, really?" in a sincere sounding way, but I think she's a bit young for that yet.

 

Rosie- another one who preferred her book to her classmates...

 

Rosie, you are hilarious. What a great topic that would be for afterschooling!

[mama2cntrykids]

Are they crazy?? She seems like an awesome person. I wouldn't take their referal either. Shame on them for trying to single her out because she doesn't want to hang with the other girl's and talk about pop culture! I'm so sorry that you're feeling awful about this. Chin up honey-you have a sweet girl!

[mama2cntrykids]

That's a funny idea. The counsellor is going to train her to find boring topics and boring people interesting? How would she do that? I suppose the time will come when your daughter will have to learn to giggle and say "Oh my God, really?" in a sincere sounding way, but I think she's a bit young for that yet.

 

Rosie- another one who preferred her book to her classmates...

 

:lol::lol:--Rosie! How hilarious AND true!!

[Mommyof4ks]

Your dd's reaction seems normal to me. She does not like the conversation, so she finds something else to do. I see nothing wrong with that. Personally if she is ok with it and you are ok with it, then tell the teacher your dd will not be seeing anyone for her 'problem'. Perhaps the teacher could send the other girls to the psych. to learn how to talk about something interesting lol.

[Denisemomof4]

first of all, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I also had to put my kids in PS due to burnout. I understand how difficult it is and how you're now somehow blaming yourself for your daughter's (seemingly non) issues. You can't do that!

 

I think it's AWESOME that Anne doesn't even realize there are any social issues in the school. I'd be concerned only if it were bothering her. The fact that she's not fitting in with her peers sounds like no surprise because she IS gifted, she doesn't hold similar interests with those girls. Trust me - that's a GOOD thing. I can sooooooooooo understand why your daughter would choose to read over meaningless and nonsensical chatter. Nothing beats a good book. ;)

 

In our school they had the social groups you speak of. MANY kids were in them. Two of my daughter's friends were in them. I think they put kids in them for many different reasons, not just social reasons. And if you think you're daughter is socially fine, I would suggest you trust your mommy gut.

 

My oldest son had a socially awkward period with his peers but he always could converse long and hard with adults. He's also very bright and his interests are different than most. Now that he's in high school he mixes in perfectly fine and has many, many friends. (I wish the girls would leave him alone!) Still, his interests are different. He can't wait to get to college to meet more like minded people. Being gifted or very smart sometimes can be difficult, but later in life these kids do wonderful. I've been telling him for SO many years now that being different will serve him well later in life. He's already seeing that now, but it was hard for him to accept when he was younger.

 

If you're going to be homeschooling next year, I personally wouldn't do the group. Also, you don't see any issues with her socialization. Trust your mommy gut. :001_smile:

[JenneinCA]

I'll be the lone dissenter. I would let her go to the psychologist. Because the psychologist is possibly the only person who can pull the right strings to get your daughter into a better learning environment. The psychologist can talk to your daughter, figure out that it is NOT a social skills problem and then recommend other ideas to make things better.

 

The psychologist can recommend more advanced classes, different teachers, all sorts of things and because it is within the system it is much more likely to get DONE.

 

I totally understand if you don't let her go, but I would be reluctant to give up on a potential ally without even meeting him/her.

[myfunnybunch]

It will be all right.

 

Let me get this straight:

 

Your daughter is bright, personable, confident, can carry on intelligent conversations and has good manners. She is happy with school and does not perceive a problem when it comes to the other children.

 

The teachers want to send her to the school psychologist because the other little girls talk about things in which she's not interested so she declines to participate, she's a high-level thinker, and the other girls have formed cliques.

 

:grouphug:

 

Craziness.

 

I would politely thank them for the compliments and let them know that your dd does very well in a variety of social situations, and even more politely refuse the counseling. You might mention that your dd is a few deep friendships kind of person, as opposed to many superficial ones. (This is just a guess on my part.) She does not need counseling for that, nor does she need counseling because she does not choose to participate in conversations on topics not of interest to her. Understanding that this is a part of her personality might help them reframe the "problem."

 

Cat

[Corraleno]

This has nothing to do with you having homeschooled her! If you pop over to the accelerated learner board you will see that often very bright children do prefer different activiteis than their same-age peers - that is totally normal. This is a good thing. It is also a good thing that your daughter is confident enough to do what she wants to do rather than to try and do whatever is necessary to fit into a bunch of cliques.

 

:iagree:

Your daughter is a perfectly normal gifted child ~ do not let the teachers or school psychologist "pathologize" her intelligence and creativity! I was the same way as a child ~ I couldn't STAND all the stupid cliques and gossiping and inane chatter about clothes and movie stars and TV shows. Now if someone wanted to discuss Dostoevsky with me, I'd have happily "socialized" with them. :D

 

That's a funny idea. The counsellor is going to train her to find boring topics and boring people interesting? How would she do that? I suppose the time will come when your daughter will have to learn to giggle and say "Oh my God, really?" in a sincere sounding way, but I think she's a bit young for that yet.

 

Rosie, you have a way of cutting straight to the heart of the matter! :lol:

 

Jackie

[mom31257]

Don't go to the psychologist. She doesn't sound unhappy, just different. It's okay if she is different. My dd isn't in school, but she knows she's different. We're glad she is.

 

Why does the system think all kids have to be the same? That is what's wrong with education today. They are so focused on everything being equal that nothing is great anymore, just mediocre.

[Jugglin'5]

I was the same way, and I was completely public schooled. This is not a home school issue. I have one daughter that would be that way wherever she went to school. She will join in a conversation about something that really interests her, but she is just not interested in the things that most kids her age talk about. She likes to talk to older kids and adulats. I do work with her, just to make sure she learns how to show interest in others' interests, but it sure doesn't come naturally. I'm not gonna make her spend all her time pretending to be interested in the Jonas brothers or whatever, though. I just teach her how to be civil, lol.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was put on probation at boarding school when they found out that I wanted to read a book instead of going to a skating party with a bunch of kids I didn't know. Sometimes bureaucracy is very stupid. Schools need to look at individuals - not "norms".

[LibraryLover]

I hope it all works out. At least she has a parent going to bat for her. I've read hsparent posts on these boards which reflect far, far less respect for a child's interests. She has you on her side, respecting her needs, and that is everything!

[Renthead Mommy]

Sorry, I wasn't on the board. You should have called me.

 

First off the reading doesn't surprise me IN THE LEAST! I've seen the books that girl is interested in. That is just wonderful. Wonderful to hear about the math as well. Means there's hope for all of us!

 

NO she is not lacking in social skills AT ALL! She's highly confident (without be overly so), gets alone with everyone, can talk to everyone.

 

The clique thing could be a big part of it. You are in an area that isn't used to kids coming and going every year like in the miltary areas where everyone's the new kid every few years.

 

Keep her AWAY from their psychologist! She doesn't need that at all! She certainly not "odd and socially ackward/backward"!

 

I totally get the opening a book because she's not 'into' HM/MC and HSM type stuff. Remember the kids down the street? The 2nd grade boy with the 4th and 5th grade girls? The ones that really are nice kids, and I had hoped would be good friends for Collin? Collin came home in tears one day because "the don't want to play any of his games". Basically the 2nd grader doesn't have a clue about playing pretend anymore, because his sisters don't play the way our kids play so he couldn't play pretend games either. They basically called it 'baby games'. (Luckily the 3 families across teh street would have fit in perfect with us!) Anyway, while he'll talk to them and kick a ball around with them if they are out front, he certainly doesn't play with them, basicly because their idea of 'play' he just doesn't get/isn't into.

 

Anne is a great kid. She is perfectly fine! Don't let them pull her down to be just like any other kid! God forbid they convince her HM or HSM is more important than reading! She's happy the way she is. She enjoys schools. It's not like you are sending her off to high school as a 9yo or something. She's just a kid who likes to read.

 

You guys had so much stuff going on for those couple of years, and you worried about getting enough done, and what did I always tell you? That your kids were SO well read! And look! You have proof now!

 

Call me tomorrow, I've got to go to bed now. Sorry I didn't respond earlier. I saw the post, but didn't catch who had posted it.

 

You're fine. She's great. No worries. Talk to you tomorrow

 

ETA: okay read all teh other replies. She's not an introvert, she's not socially awkward, she enjoys school, and she HAS friends. So what if they aren't the friend's the school is offering??

 

Talk to you tomorrow.

Edited October 9, 2009 by Renthead Mommy

[elizabeth]

Just so you know the school counselor likely has a masters at best and no experience with gifted children...certainly not qualified to actually help your dd. Get thee to Hoagies gifted http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/parents.htm and deal with the reality that she will likely never have chronological age friends until college and that most elementary teachers are ...stunted . There is absolute discrimination against intelligence in this country. I am sorry you are not hsing this year as you could leave her to her own devices and she will learn more on her own than in the school setting as without a grade skip she is learning absolutely nothing every day. Nothing. If you should be interested in finding out what her real abilities are ,pay for a private appt with a psychologist that specializes in educational psych and related testing. You have control over where the testing results go to and might learn some great iformation for your needs for next year. If I seem rather curt it is because buffoons at the local parochial school pulled the same game on me . I paid for psych testing and shared the results that indicated dd hit the ceiling of the test thus we learned nothing except that she needed to be skipped a few years...The edubabblers of course responded with promises that I knew were hot air and bs. As a lawyer and artful bser from waaaay back I decided to educate her myself. Never looked back. I am sure that many here will be shocked to find that my contempt toward neoconservative politicians is dwarfed by the depth of my loathing for the edubabblers. :lol:

[PollyOR]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Renthead Mommy]

Also, when I spoke to the teachers/counselors/whoever, I would make it clear that I do NOT want this issue addressed with my daughter directly, and if I found out that she was on the receiving end of comments that made her feel bad about doing her own thing, there would be hell to pay. Of course, I'd say it more politely than that (hopefully!), but I'd make sure my meaning was CRYSTAL clear. Hoo baby, can you tell I'm steamed up for you??? :D

 

I agree with this.

[Truscifi]

Well, I was one of the kids who read books rather than play with the other kids, and I turned out fine, no counseling needed. :D

 

Seriously, if she is happy and you don't see any problem, I would definitely not send her to a psychologist. That will make her think something is wrong with her!

[Scarlett]

Haven't read all the posts, but I just want to say your girls sound awesome and do not let them send her to a school shrink over this issue.

 

Tell them to take a flying leap. Or something like that but more mild. :)

[Terabith]

It sounds like she is fine and has great social skills. It doesn't sound like she has any difficulties in that regard.

 

But, I'm going to be the differing opinion. I have some friends whose son is in public school and sounds much like your daughter. Gifted, above grade level, etc. The counselor put him in a friendship group, and what that involved was a group of kids that the counselor thought might be compatible with him, and they got together once a week and played games. It wasn't therapy; it was just orchestrating a social environment that might help. It wasn't a stigma, because lots of kids were involved, and they enjoyed it.

 

I might be inclined to ask your daughter what she thinks. If she would like to be in a friendship group with the guidance counselor to meet some kids and get to know them better. It also might depend on what the counselor is like. It might be a situation in which I would say, "No way," but I wouldn't necessarily rule it out. In a school where there are cliques, a friendship group can be a good way to get to know kids in a smaller group when they aren't surrounded by their cliquey group.

 

ETA: If this is for a formal label or counseling or some such, then no, definitely not. But, I don't think they are definitely evil. If I trusted and liked the counselor, I could see it being a good thing. But it would definitely be a play it by ear scenario. She sounds wonderful, and gifted, and she is unlikely to find true peers in the class, but sometimes a small group can help break the ice. There is NOTHING wrong with reading rather than playing.

Edited October 9, 2009 by Terabith

[joannqn]

There's nothing wrong with her. If they really want her to socialize with her peers, then they need to find her some peers to socialize with. Those girls on the playground certainly aren't them.