Just curious if this would bother you or are we wrong?

[itsheresomewhere]

DD has been participating in a dance class since September.  It is a there is a style out there for everyone type where the teacher/director has them try all kinds.  The studio is all ages ranging from 5-18/19.  Recently, they gave us the order form for the dance recital costumes ( bright blue sequined flashy costumes). I noticed they didn’t go above a teen sized medium.  So I asked about it as DD would need a adult large.  The solution was instead of making sure everyone had the same costume was to offer DD and two others ( that I know who needed a different size) who needed a bigger size was velvet tshirt. DD is a teen who is very body sensitive and feels it is wrong for them to leave out the kids who are bigger.  I support her and agree with her.  I asked another parent who was like it is fine and why would anyone think it is not ok.  

So now we are wondering- would any of you on here think it wasn’t ok or would you think nothing of it? 

[Kanin]

Yes that would bother me! They should pick a costume that comes in the right size for all of the kids in the piece. Ugh adults can be so insensitive. 

[stephanier.1765]

Ridiculous! I don't understand the adults who create situations like this. Just ugh!

[Catwoman]

It is absolutely NOT FINE! It is deliberately exclusionary and that is just plain wrong!!!

Edited February 22, 2022 by Catwoman

[teachermom2834]

My dd has been dancing for 8 years at multiple studios and I have nieces and friends in dance and I’ve been around dance alot. And I have never seen that done and I don’t think it is standard or ok. There is usually a wide range of sizes in recreational classes and costumes can be ordered that span child and adult sizes or there could be coordinating costumes so that they all had dance costumes not just the odd sizes in a shirt or something so obviously different.

Dance costumes are a big business and come in all sizes. Or something simpler could be made to work for all the students. But it isn’t appropriate, in my opinion, to have a few left out in that way. 
 

 

 

[Arcadia]

For a dance recital (or any group performance), that would bother me. I have always been odd size. What my mom did was to get the contact for the shop making the costumes and pay for mine to be custom made. 

[teachermom2834]

What I bet will happen here is that the parents complaining will be given all kinds of reasons why it can’t work to have matching costumes. Too late in the season to order, shortages and delays due to covid, etc etc.

But this is just a dance recital. This can be made to work. Whatever is normally worn to class (such as a leotard or tights/leggings) can be embellished and accessorized. Or something simple like a solid color leotard that can be found in all sizes can be the base of the costume. Or a black tank and leggings or whatever can be blinged up- for everyone not just the odd sizes!  This is a solvable problem! Okay okay I have a kid in dance but I’m not a good dance mom and I don’t like costume hysteria and recital madness. 

[itsheresomewhere]

3 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

What I bet will happen here is that the parents complaining will be given all kinds of reasons why it can’t work to have matching costumes. Too late in the season to order, shortages and delays due to covid, etc etc.

But this is just a dance recital. This can be made to work. Whatever is normally worn to class (such as a leotard or tights/leggings) can be embellished and accessorized. Or something simple like a solid color leotard that can be found in all sizes can be the base of the costume. Or a black tank and leggings or whatever can be blinged up- for everyone not just the odd sizes!  This is a solvable problem! Okay okay I have a kid in dance but I’m not a good dance mom and I don’t like costume hysteria and recital madness. 

The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available.  Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it.  Not buying it. 

[DreamerGirl]

11 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

For a dance recital (or any group performance), that would bother me. I have always been odd size. What my mom did was to get the contact for the shop making the costumes and pay for mine to be custom made. 

Yes to this absolutely. 

If unable for a reason, ask for a sample picture and take it to a tailor. IDK about non-Asian tailors, but Asian  tailors are found around Indian/Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese stores and are reasonably priced. They do custom work all the time so it is not hard for them to look at something and make it custom.

 

 

[catz]

Oh yes, I would be mad.  That is ridiculous for a class that allows up to adult age and not a very body positive tone they are setting.  

[teachermom2834]

2 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available.  Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it.  Not buying it. 

Well if your dd was in the class since Sept then the teacher should have known this style wasn’t an option for the class because it didn’t come in the right sizes. People make me crazy. Sorry you are dealing with this. You are not wrong. 

[Kanin]

1 minute ago, DreamerGirl said:

Yes to this absolutely. 

If unable for a reason, ask for a sample picture and take it to a tailor. IDK about non-Asian tailors, but Asian  tailors are found around Indian/Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese stores and are reasonably priced. They do custom work all the time so it is not hard for them to look at something and make it custom.

And I think the studio should pay whatever extra it costs to get her costume custom-made. 

[itsheresomewhere]

1 minute ago, teachermom2834 said:

Well if your dd was in the class since Sept then the teacher should have known this style wasn’t an option for the class because it didn’t come in the right sizes. People make me crazy. Sorry you are dealing with this. You are not wrong. 

Thank you!  I admit I have very little patience with people lately but this shouldn’t have even been a problem. 

[mom2scouts]

Our dance studio would never do such a thing. That's horrible. We've had dancers who are extremely tiny and very large in the same dance and they've always been able to order costumes in sizes to fit everyone. I believe they even try to pick costumes that will flatter most of the dancers.

[itsheresomewhere]

4 minutes ago, DreamerGirl said:

Yes to this absolutely. 

If unable for a reason, ask for a sample picture and take it to a tailor. IDK about non-Asian tailors, but Asian  tailors are found around Indian/Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese stores and are reasonably priced. They do custom work all the time so it is not hard for them to look at something and make it custom.

 

 

I would have to make it.  The tailors around here are extremely expensive.  I would need to see it in person instead of on paper to recreate it. 

Edited February 22, 2022 by itsheresomewhere

[Katy]

I think the studio is trying to exclude the kids above size medium. I’d find a different studio because it’s unacceptable. And I’d post negative reports on social media because most kids aren’t trying to be professional dancers who have a need to be underweight. Most kids just want to have fun dancing. An into class isn’t the appropriate place for this sort of body pressure. 

Edited February 22, 2022 by Katy
Different not difference, autocorrect!

[teachermom2834]

Also, most experienced dance and stage folks are masterful at altering costumes. Obviously they can’t work miracles but it is amazing the adjustments that are made to costumes. Anyone that prides themselves with putting a product on stage should be better at trouble shooting and more sensitive than this! And it isn’t like and adult large is a strange or unusual size for an activity that includes teens.

[itsheresomewhere]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

I think the studio is trying to exclude the kids above size medium. I’d find a difference studio because it’s unacceptable. And I’d post negative reports on social media because most kids aren’t trying to be professional dancers who have a need to be underweight. Most kids just want to have fun dancing. An into class isn’t the appropriate place for this sort of body pressure. 

They won’t like my review that is a given.  

[Melissa Louise]

Not OK. 

[Corraleno]

12 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available.  Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it.  Not buying it. 

So basically "We're saving money by excluding and body-shaming our larger students who pay the same tuition as everyone else, so that makes it ok!" 

The only word I can think of for that attitude that wouldn't get deleted by mods is indefensible.

[momto3innc]

There are very few things I would go to social media to complain about. This would be one if they did not make it right. Totally unacceptable.

[Miss Tick]

2 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

"We're saving money by excluding and body-shaming our larger students who pay the same tuition as everyone else, so that makes it ok!" 

Plus, is the studio paying for the costumes or are the parents of the dancers? I thought that cost was typically passed on. If the parents are paying their argument becomes much weaker. If you stand outside the studio and ask if parents would be willing to pay $xx more for costumes in order to not exclude your daughter and others, what parent is going to say no to that?

[SKL]

I don't know, but I think I'd rather they used multiple different costumes so specific kids wouldn't stand out, especially where size is the issue.

Not sure the age, but I think my kids would have preferred to NOT have matching costumes past a fairly young age - especially if the style is little-girl cutesie.

That said, the organizers should have thought about this issue earlier so it wouldn't be so awkward for the girls.

[Spryte]

That’s rotten. It’s body shaming. I would be extremely upset.

I’m so sorry. How is your DD handling this?

[itsheresomewhere]

3 minutes ago, SusanC said:

Plus, is the studio paying for the costumes or are the parents of the dancers? I thought that cost was typically passed on. If the parents are paying their argument becomes much weaker. If you stand outside the studio and ask if parents would be willing to pay $xx more for costumes in order to not exclude your daughter and others, what parent is going to say no to that?

We pay for them.  I can actually see most of these parents being too cheap to pay more.  But if it was their kid, it would be different.

[itsheresomewhere]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

I don't know, but I think I'd rather they used multiple different costumes so specific kids wouldn't stand out, especially where size is the issue.

Not sure the age, but I think my kids would have preferred to NOT have matching costumes past a fairly young age - especially if the style is little-girl cutesie.

That said, the organizers should have thought about this issue earlier so it wouldn't be so awkward for the girls.

She is a teen.  

[Miss Tick]

1 minute ago, itsheresomewhere said:

We pay for them.  I can actually see most of these parents being too cheap to pay more.  But if it was their kid, it would be different.

Jerks.

[teachermom2834]

4 minutes ago, SusanC said:

Plus, is the studio paying for the costumes or are the parents of the dancers? I thought that cost was typically passed on. If the parents are paying their argument becomes much weaker. If you stand outside the studio and ask if parents would be willing to pay $xx more for costumes in order to not exclude your daughter and others, what parent is going to say no to that?

Cost is typically passed on…and typically studios give exactly zero flips what the parents think of the cost. Actually- studios generally pad the cost and take their own cut so parents don’t even know the real cost. So not sure what the setup is but it is not cool. 

[itsheresomewhere]

6 minutes ago, Spryte said:

That’s rotten. It’s body shaming. I would be extremely upset.

I’m so sorry. How is your DD handling this?

It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out.  Lol

Edited February 22, 2022 by itsheresomewhere

[Grace Hopper]

I would be the mom they see coming from a mile away if this happened to my kid. It’s downright discriminatory.
 

You are not wrong. How much hell you want to raise over it is a different question. 

[goldberry]

I'd be mad.  I was 5'11 when I was 14 I think?  I don't think I was a medium even though I was skinny.  What you just described would have made be mortified.

[Danae]

There is no way our studio would ever do something like that. Both because it is cruel to the dancers and because unless they manage to embarrass them enough that they drop out it will look weird at the recital.  
 

[Grace Hopper]

8 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out.  Lol

Oh my that sounds like your daughter is ready to show up and make a statement!

[Kassia]

It would bother me a lot.  Something similar happened to the dd of a mom I know and they had to special order the costume and there was all kinds of drama.  I can't remember the details but it was just a mess.  

[Kanin]

12 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out.  Lol

Ha! Good for her. I bet if she confronted the adults in charge, they'd be mortified. Well, hopefully. 

[HSmomof2]

Agreeing with everyone else…..this is not ok, and I would be mad. My dd has been in dance for 14 years, multiple studios, and I’ve never seen anything like that. Her teachers have always taken the entire class into consideration when selecting costumes to find ones that will be flattering and available to all. 

[TechWife]

1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said:

The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available.  Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it.  Not buying it. 

It’s not a “great deal” if it doesn’t meet the needs for all students. This is really insensitive in a field that is known for promoting size management through disordered eating. The head of this studio is contributing to the problem. 

[Clemsondana]

There are ways to create a dance where different students have different costumes.  Some dances have different 'roles', where some students could wear one costume to represent different parts of the theme (like in the Nutcrackers, where there is Clara, a mouse, a doll, etc).  As a kid I remember doing a dance to 'It's a hard knocks life' from Annie and an older student (from another class, but it would have also worked for a taller/older student in the same class) was Mrs. Hannigan and everybody else was kids.  A kid might feel awkward, but it would look good from the audience and fit with the story.  They could also do different colors of the same costume (we did one with alternating pink and blue of the same outfit) - we did it for stylistic reasons, but something like that could work with different colors being available.  They could possibly also find very similar costumes of the same color, similar to when bridesmaids are told 'get anything in teal from designer X' - that might not be a favorite, but it would look fine, everybody's outfit would fit, and people do grasp that a 5 year old and a 16 year old likely have different body shapes so accommodations need to be made.  But, just telling 3 kids 'sorry, you don't get a costume' is super weird.  Even without a big age range, a class for 10-11 year olds could have some tiny kids and some almost-full-grown-post-puberty kids...I've never heard of a studio that didn't pick a costume that actually fit everybody in the class.  

[kristin0713]

This is absolutely wrong. There are so many other ways they could have handled this. 

[crazyforlatin]

1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said:

It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out.  Lol

I love her attitude so much! 

[Elizabeth86]

Unacceptable IMO.

[busymama7]

I am on the costume team for a local children's theater.   We make careful effort to make sure that those on the outside of the average size for their class do not end up with a costume that looks different. This sometimes means we buy costumes for the middle range and have to custom make the small and large sizes.  Or we make costumes for everyone because that's what is needed.  We have had the exact conversation of this would work but it wouldn't fix teen X and we don't want teen X to stand out or be uncomfortable so we make a new plan. 

I would be livid and it isn't acceptable. 

[gardenmom5]

I'd be annoyed and consider it poor planning on their part.  

My niece did dance - and all costumes were based on what level class they were enrolled in.   

Edited February 23, 2022 by gardenmom5

[Bootsie]

Unless it is a situation in which there is a wide age range in the same class--a class with 10 children who are in the 6-10 age range and 3 students who are in the 13 and up range, for example--with the younger children wearing one costume and the older children wearing another costume, I do not think it is reasonable or OK.  

[lmrich]

Not cool! They can have different costumes in the same dance for sure. But it should have been planned that way. (many dances the girls had different colors on, etc..)

[itsheresomewhere]

25 minutes ago, Bootsie said:

Unless it is a situation in which there is a wide age range in the same class--a class with 10 children who are in the 6-10 age range and 3 students who are in the 13 and up range, for example--with the younger children wearing one costume and the older children wearing another costume, I do not think it is reasonable or OK.  

They are doing one costume for all ages.  

[Mom_to3]

2 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out.  Lol

Your daughter has a great attitude! Perhaps there are some (or all?) of the dancers who are supposed to get costumes who will refuse and join the protest? If I were aware of this, I would not allow my kids to wear their costume (and I hope they'd refuse themselves).

And no, this is not ok!

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

My sister is now a professional dancer but I remember one of her studios as a teenager was like this.  The teachers were all extremely petite, stick thin women, and while we never thought they were deliberately excluding people, it was like they forgot people above a size 4 exist.

it’s a rant for another day, but I went from a size 14/16 in 2020 to a size 2 right now.  I am shocked by the difference in the way people, especially, strangers, treat me.  I was always skinny until fertility treatments and never noticed, to be honest, but thin privilege is really a thing.  I really worry about the world my daughter is growing up in.

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said:

 

it’s a rant for another day, but I went from a size 14/16 in 2020 to a size 2 right now.  I am shocked by the difference in the way people, especially, strangers, treat me.  I was always skinny until fertility treatments and never noticed, to be honest, but thin privilege is really a thing.  I really worry about the world my daughter is growing up in.

I've struggled with eating disorders for my whole life and have been everywhere from underweight to obese.  You are absolutely right - thin privilege is a real thing and people treat you very differently based on your body size.  It's one of the things that scares me the most about gaining weight - the way people treat you and think about you.  It affects so many areas in our lives and it's very sad.  

[Clarita]

4 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

So now we are wondering- would any of you on here think it wasn’t ok or would you think nothing of it? 

Not OK. I would drop a dance studio over it even if I see it happen to another child/person. I would not want my child in an environment that did not support positive body image.