itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 DD has been participating in a dance class since September. It is a there is a style out there for everyone type where the teacher/director has them try all kinds. The studio is all ages ranging from 5-18/19. Recently, they gave us the order form for the dance recital costumes ( bright blue sequined flashy costumes). I noticed they didn’t go above a teen sized medium. So I asked about it as DD would need a adult large. The solution was instead of making sure everyone had the same costume was to offer DD and two others ( that I know who needed a different size) who needed a bigger size was velvet tshirt. DD is a teen who is very body sensitive and feels it is wrong for them to leave out the kids who are bigger. I support her and agree with her. I asked another parent who was like it is fine and why would anyone think it is not ok. So now we are wondering- would any of you on here think it wasn’t ok or would you think nothing of it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Yes that would bother me! They should pick a costume that comes in the right size for all of the kids in the piece. Ugh adults can be so insensitive. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Ridiculous! I don't understand the adults who create situations like this. Just ugh! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) It is absolutely NOT FINE! It is deliberately exclusionary and that is just plain wrong!!! Edited February 22, 2022 by Catwoman 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 My dd has been dancing for 8 years at multiple studios and I have nieces and friends in dance and I’ve been around dance alot. And I have never seen that done and I don’t think it is standard or ok. There is usually a wide range of sizes in recreational classes and costumes can be ordered that span child and adult sizes or there could be coordinating costumes so that they all had dance costumes not just the odd sizes in a shirt or something so obviously different. Dance costumes are a big business and come in all sizes. Or something simpler could be made to work for all the students. But it isn’t appropriate, in my opinion, to have a few left out in that way. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 For a dance recital (or any group performance), that would bother me. I have always been odd size. What my mom did was to get the contact for the shop making the costumes and pay for mine to be custom made. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 What I bet will happen here is that the parents complaining will be given all kinds of reasons why it can’t work to have matching costumes. Too late in the season to order, shortages and delays due to covid, etc etc. But this is just a dance recital. This can be made to work. Whatever is normally worn to class (such as a leotard or tights/leggings) can be embellished and accessorized. Or something simple like a solid color leotard that can be found in all sizes can be the base of the costume. Or a black tank and leggings or whatever can be blinged up- for everyone not just the odd sizes! This is a solvable problem! Okay okay I have a kid in dance but I’m not a good dance mom and I don’t like costume hysteria and recital madness. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said: What I bet will happen here is that the parents complaining will be given all kinds of reasons why it can’t work to have matching costumes. Too late in the season to order, shortages and delays due to covid, etc etc. But this is just a dance recital. This can be made to work. Whatever is normally worn to class (such as a leotard or tights/leggings) can be embellished and accessorized. Or something simple like a solid color leotard that can be found in all sizes can be the base of the costume. Or a black tank and leggings or whatever can be blinged up- for everyone not just the odd sizes! This is a solvable problem! Okay okay I have a kid in dance but I’m not a good dance mom and I don’t like costume hysteria and recital madness. The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available. Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it. Not buying it. 1 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamerGirl Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 11 minutes ago, Arcadia said: For a dance recital (or any group performance), that would bother me. I have always been odd size. What my mom did was to get the contact for the shop making the costumes and pay for mine to be custom made. Yes to this absolutely. If unable for a reason, ask for a sample picture and take it to a tailor. IDK about non-Asian tailors, but Asian tailors are found around Indian/Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese stores and are reasonably priced. They do custom work all the time so it is not hard for them to look at something and make it custom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Oh yes, I would be mad. That is ridiculous for a class that allows up to adult age and not a very body positive tone they are setting. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 2 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available. Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it. Not buying it. Well if your dd was in the class since Sept then the teacher should have known this style wasn’t an option for the class because it didn’t come in the right sizes. People make me crazy. Sorry you are dealing with this. You are not wrong. 14 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 1 minute ago, DreamerGirl said: Yes to this absolutely. If unable for a reason, ask for a sample picture and take it to a tailor. IDK about non-Asian tailors, but Asian tailors are found around Indian/Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese stores and are reasonably priced. They do custom work all the time so it is not hard for them to look at something and make it custom. And I think the studio should pay whatever extra it costs to get her costume custom-made. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 1 minute ago, teachermom2834 said: Well if your dd was in the class since Sept then the teacher should have known this style wasn’t an option for the class because it didn’t come in the right sizes. People make me crazy. Sorry you are dealing with this. You are not wrong. Thank you! I admit I have very little patience with people lately but this shouldn’t have even been a problem. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Our dance studio would never do such a thing. That's horrible. We've had dancers who are extremely tiny and very large in the same dance and they've always been able to order costumes in sizes to fit everyone. I believe they even try to pick costumes that will flatter most of the dancers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, DreamerGirl said: Yes to this absolutely. If unable for a reason, ask for a sample picture and take it to a tailor. IDK about non-Asian tailors, but Asian tailors are found around Indian/Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese stores and are reasonably priced. They do custom work all the time so it is not hard for them to look at something and make it custom. I would have to make it. The tailors around here are extremely expensive. I would need to see it in person instead of on paper to recreate it. Edited February 22, 2022 by itsheresomewhere 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) I think the studio is trying to exclude the kids above size medium. I’d find a different studio because it’s unacceptable. And I’d post negative reports on social media because most kids aren’t trying to be professional dancers who have a need to be underweight. Most kids just want to have fun dancing. An into class isn’t the appropriate place for this sort of body pressure. Edited February 22, 2022 by Katy Different not difference, autocorrect! 8 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Also, most experienced dance and stage folks are masterful at altering costumes. Obviously they can’t work miracles but it is amazing the adjustments that are made to costumes. Anyone that prides themselves with putting a product on stage should be better at trouble shooting and more sensitive than this! And it isn’t like and adult large is a strange or unusual size for an activity that includes teens. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 1 minute ago, Katy said: I think the studio is trying to exclude the kids above size medium. I’d find a difference studio because it’s unacceptable. And I’d post negative reports on social media because most kids aren’t trying to be professional dancers who have a need to be underweight. Most kids just want to have fun dancing. An into class isn’t the appropriate place for this sort of body pressure. They won’t like my review that is a given. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Not OK. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 12 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available. Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it. Not buying it. So basically "We're saving money by excluding and body-shaming our larger students who pay the same tuition as everyone else, so that makes it ok!" The only word I can think of for that attitude that wouldn't get deleted by mods is indefensible. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3innc Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 There are very few things I would go to social media to complain about. This would be one if they did not make it right. Totally unacceptable. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 2 minutes ago, Corraleno said: "We're saving money by excluding and body-shaming our larger students who pay the same tuition as everyone else, so that makes it ok!" Plus, is the studio paying for the costumes or are the parents of the dancers? I thought that cost was typically passed on. If the parents are paying their argument becomes much weaker. If you stand outside the studio and ask if parents would be willing to pay $xx more for costumes in order to not exclude your daughter and others, what parent is going to say no to that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 I don't know, but I think I'd rather they used multiple different costumes so specific kids wouldn't stand out, especially where size is the issue. Not sure the age, but I think my kids would have preferred to NOT have matching costumes past a fairly young age - especially if the style is little-girl cutesie. That said, the organizers should have thought about this issue earlier so it wouldn't be so awkward for the girls. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 That’s rotten. It’s body shaming. I would be extremely upset. I’m so sorry. How is your DD handling this? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, SusanC said: Plus, is the studio paying for the costumes or are the parents of the dancers? I thought that cost was typically passed on. If the parents are paying their argument becomes much weaker. If you stand outside the studio and ask if parents would be willing to pay $xx more for costumes in order to not exclude your daughter and others, what parent is going to say no to that? We pay for them. I can actually see most of these parents being too cheap to pay more. But if it was their kid, it would be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, SKL said: I don't know, but I think I'd rather they used multiple different costumes so specific kids wouldn't stand out, especially where size is the issue. Not sure the age, but I think my kids would have preferred to NOT have matching costumes past a fairly young age - especially if the style is little-girl cutesie. That said, the organizers should have thought about this issue earlier so it wouldn't be so awkward for the girls. She is a teen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 1 minute ago, itsheresomewhere said: We pay for them. I can actually see most of these parents being too cheap to pay more. But if it was their kid, it would be different. Jerks. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 4 minutes ago, SusanC said: Plus, is the studio paying for the costumes or are the parents of the dancers? I thought that cost was typically passed on. If the parents are paying their argument becomes much weaker. If you stand outside the studio and ask if parents would be willing to pay $xx more for costumes in order to not exclude your daughter and others, what parent is going to say no to that? Cost is typically passed on…and typically studios give exactly zero flips what the parents think of the cost. Actually- studios generally pad the cost and take their own cut so parents don’t even know the real cost. So not sure what the setup is but it is not cool. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Spryte said: That’s rotten. It’s body shaming. I would be extremely upset. I’m so sorry. How is your DD handling this? It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out. Lol Edited February 22, 2022 by itsheresomewhere 10 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 I would be the mom they see coming from a mile away if this happened to my kid. It’s downright discriminatory. You are not wrong. How much hell you want to raise over it is a different question. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 I'd be mad. I was 5'11 when I was 14 I think? I don't think I was a medium even though I was skinny. What you just described would have made be mortified. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danae Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 There is no way our studio would ever do something like that. Both because it is cruel to the dancers and because unless they manage to embarrass them enough that they drop out it will look weird at the recital. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 8 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out. Lol Oh my that sounds like your daughter is ready to show up and make a statement! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 It would bother me a lot. Something similar happened to the dd of a mom I know and they had to special order the costume and there was all kinds of drama. I can't remember the details but it was just a mess. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 12 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out. Lol Ha! Good for her. I bet if she confronted the adults in charge, they'd be mortified. Well, hopefully. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Agreeing with everyone else…..this is not ok, and I would be mad. My dd has been in dance for 14 years, multiple studios, and I’ve never seen anything like that. Her teachers have always taken the entire class into consideration when selecting costumes to find ones that will be flattering and available to all. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said: The reason I got was we got a great deal on these costumes so there are only certain sizes available. Really?!. So they have all the sizes from a child’s small to a teens medium ( according the measurements it is not an adult size medium) but not anything above it. Not buying it. It’s not a “great deal” if it doesn’t meet the needs for all students. This is really insensitive in a field that is known for promoting size management through disordered eating. The head of this studio is contributing to the problem. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clemsondana Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 There are ways to create a dance where different students have different costumes. Some dances have different 'roles', where some students could wear one costume to represent different parts of the theme (like in the Nutcrackers, where there is Clara, a mouse, a doll, etc). As a kid I remember doing a dance to 'It's a hard knocks life' from Annie and an older student (from another class, but it would have also worked for a taller/older student in the same class) was Mrs. Hannigan and everybody else was kids. A kid might feel awkward, but it would look good from the audience and fit with the story. They could also do different colors of the same costume (we did one with alternating pink and blue of the same outfit) - we did it for stylistic reasons, but something like that could work with different colors being available. They could possibly also find very similar costumes of the same color, similar to when bridesmaids are told 'get anything in teal from designer X' - that might not be a favorite, but it would look fine, everybody's outfit would fit, and people do grasp that a 5 year old and a 16 year old likely have different body shapes so accommodations need to be made. But, just telling 3 kids 'sorry, you don't get a costume' is super weird. Even without a big age range, a class for 10-11 year olds could have some tiny kids and some almost-full-grown-post-puberty kids...I've never heard of a studio that didn't pick a costume that actually fit everybody in the class. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristin0713 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 This is absolutely wrong. There are so many other ways they could have handled this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said: It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out. Lol I love her attitude so much! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Unacceptable IMO. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 I am on the costume team for a local children's theater. We make careful effort to make sure that those on the outside of the average size for their class do not end up with a costume that looks different. This sometimes means we buy costumes for the middle range and have to custom make the small and large sizes. Or we make costumes for everyone because that's what is needed. We have had the exact conversation of this would work but it wouldn't fix teen X and we don't want teen X to stand out or be uncomfortable so we make a new plan. I would be livid and it isn't acceptable. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 (edited) I'd be annoyed and consider it poor planning on their part. My niece did dance - and all costumes were based on what level class they were enrolled in. Edited February 23, 2022 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Unless it is a situation in which there is a wide age range in the same class--a class with 10 children who are in the 6-10 age range and 3 students who are in the 13 and up range, for example--with the younger children wearing one costume and the older children wearing another costume, I do not think it is reasonable or OK. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 22, 2022 Share Posted February 22, 2022 Not cool! They can have different costumes in the same dance for sure. But it should have been planned that way. (many dances the girls had different colors on, etc..) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 22, 2022 Author Share Posted February 22, 2022 25 minutes ago, Bootsie said: Unless it is a situation in which there is a wide age range in the same class--a class with 10 children who are in the 6-10 age range and 3 students who are in the 13 and up range, for example--with the younger children wearing one costume and the older children wearing another costume, I do not think it is reasonable or OK. They are doing one costume for all ages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom_to3 Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 2 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said: It goes between wanting to ask if it because she has boobs. Refusing to perform as a protest. Or trying to round up the discriminated into buying their own brightly colored sequined dresses and turning them into their own costumes and just surprising the teacher during the recital. She says if they want us to stand out, we can stand out. Lol Your daughter has a great attitude! Perhaps there are some (or all?) of the dancers who are supposed to get costumes who will refuse and join the protest? If I were aware of this, I would not allow my kids to wear their costume (and I hope they'd refuse themselves). And no, this is not ok! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 My sister is now a professional dancer but I remember one of her studios as a teenager was like this. The teachers were all extremely petite, stick thin women, and while we never thought they were deliberately excluding people, it was like they forgot people above a size 4 exist. it’s a rant for another day, but I went from a size 14/16 in 2020 to a size 2 right now. I am shocked by the difference in the way people, especially, strangers, treat me. I was always skinny until fertility treatments and never noticed, to be honest, but thin privilege is really a thing. I really worry about the world my daughter is growing up in. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 6 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle said: it’s a rant for another day, but I went from a size 14/16 in 2020 to a size 2 right now. I am shocked by the difference in the way people, especially, strangers, treat me. I was always skinny until fertility treatments and never noticed, to be honest, but thin privilege is really a thing. I really worry about the world my daughter is growing up in. I've struggled with eating disorders for my whole life and have been everywhere from underweight to obese. You are absolutely right - thin privilege is a real thing and people treat you very differently based on your body size. It's one of the things that scares me the most about gaining weight - the way people treat you and think about you. It affects so many areas in our lives and it's very sad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted February 23, 2022 Share Posted February 23, 2022 4 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said: So now we are wondering- would any of you on here think it wasn’t ok or would you think nothing of it? Not OK. I would drop a dance studio over it even if I see it happen to another child/person. I would not want my child in an environment that did not support positive body image. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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