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House fire: New update 8/15 in first post

Barb_

By Barb_,
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zimom

zimom

Posted
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We had a fire over 10 years ago, half the house was loss, half smoke/water damage.   After the initial shock it wasn't as difficult as it sounds other then I despise shopping so refilling a house was not a fun process for me.  We have State Farm, our agent is a friend and the adjustor is/was a friend so that part was painless too.  

 

Let me know if I can help.   An excel spreadsheet (several) is your best friend.  Keep every receipt.  And when people ask what they can do to help, ask for restaurant gift cards and big box gift cards.  Last thing you will want to do for a good while is cook.  AND ASK FOR HELP!

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goldberry

goldberry

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eta- Don't discount the emotional toil. We just kept on trucking and never really slowed down with a house to rebuild, dh already busy enough at work and a newborn and 3yo it was hectic for all of us. I kind of wish I would have stopped to cry- to let it all out- but I never did. 

 

This is very true.  A friend who lost her house, one of her boys had a lot of trouble, and ended up needing some long term counselling. Also, she said it was very odd.  They felt grateful they all survived, of course, but the mom especially felt like they almost weren't allowed to be sad.  She said if she expressed anything, the response was always "but at least you're all safe!"  They were glad to be safe of course... but still sad.

 

:grouphug:

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Liz CA

Liz CA

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I remembered one of the long timers had gone through this.  Thank you for helping me remember.  My mind is a sieve.

 

Barb

 

And like someone mentioned: Sit down and have a good cry. This is a tremendous loss. There will be things that cannot be replaced. I would imagine once the shock wears off, it will feel like part of your life has vanished.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Even though we are all glad that no people were injured, you have lost many dear things. It's not just okay but absolutely necessary to grieve that loss.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

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Barb_

Barb_

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Thank you all. We are sort of in a fog right now and trying to wade through all the paperwork and overcome the huge learning curve. Plus I need to find a furnished place to live for maybe a year. I'll update a little later tonight after the kids are in bed.

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foxbridgeacademy

foxbridgeacademy

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My only recommendation is to be a Bulldog with your insurance people if they seem unwilling to play fair.

 

A friend of mines house burned about 15 years ago. He was insured for $XXX when the adjuster came out he revalued the house and property pre-fire to about 1/3 what the insurance was for.  There was a little line in the paperwork that said they only paid what the "real" value of the house was and since the neighborhood had "deteriorated" then the house wasn't worth as much.... he'd only had the policy for 2 years not sure how the neighborhood could have "deteriorated" by 1/3 in that time.  He fought it for awhile and did get a bit more (since he had been paying a higher premium) but not much.

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ktgrok

ktgrok

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My only recommendation is to be a Bulldog with your insurance people if they seem unwilling to play fair.

 

A friend of mines house burned about 15 years ago. He was insured for $XXX when the adjuster came out he revalued the house and property pre-fire to about 1/3 what the insurance was for.  There was a little line in the paperwork that said they only paid what the "real" value of the house was and since the neighborhood had "deteriorated" then the house wasn't worth as much.... he'd only had the policy for 2 years not sure how the neighborhood could have "deteriorated" by 1/3 in that time.  He fought it for awhile and did get a bit more (since he had been paying a higher premium) but not much.

 

yes, this is why you get a public adjustor. They value the home and property and submit it on your behalf to the insurance company. And they know how to get the most for living expenses, etc in the meantime. 

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Incognito

Incognito

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Wow, sorry to hear about the fire, Barb.  It sounds like one of those situations where there are so many things to do it is hard to figure out what to do first/second/third/etc.  I hope it comes together without too much stress, and that your insurance company is supportive and helpful.

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Barb_

Barb_

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Wow, sorry to hear about the fire, Barb. It sounds like one of those situations where there are so many things to do it is hard to figure out what to do first/second/third/etc. I hope it comes together without too much stress, and that your insurance company is supportive and helpful.

This is exactly where we are at right now. The learning curve is awful and there is so much at stake. And the kids are all taking turns melting down and recovering and then doing it over again

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Jenn in FL

Jenn in FL

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Oh Barb...  not this.    :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  You and yours have been on my mind constantly since you initially posted. I can't even begin to fathom the degree of shock, grief, and utter despair you must be dealing with right now. Please free free to vent, cry, and lean on absolutely everyone you have ever known!  Having to be the Rock of Gibraltar for the entire family gets to be a very heavy load very quickly in this scenario.  Breathe.  Mourn.  Pick up the pieces. But please don't try to go this alone.  You have friends. Lots of them.  Use us!  I am so sorry, my friend...  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

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Amira

Amira

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Thanks for the update. I'm glad you've found a place to live for now that's close to home.

 

What a horrible chain of events. I am so sorry for your daughter- she was just doing her best to deal with some unpleasant circumstances.

 

:grouphug:

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Jane in NC

Jane in NC

Posted
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Barb,

 

Sending an extra hug to your daughter who I know feels an unbearable weight at the moment. 

 

Lessons learned in your update, something that I will be mentioning in family safety meetings dinner discussions.

 

And extra hugs to you as well my friend. 

 

XXOO,

Jane

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creekland

creekland

Posted
Posted (edited)

Thanks for the update and wow, what a major set of events.  I wish you all the best as you work toward recovery.   :grouphug:   Make sure you and your daughters/bf get some sort of destressing in too - something that's special to each of you so your minds can relax a little as they tackle all this overwhelming extra.

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AMJ

AMJ

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Hugs to you all.  Hang in there, and keep turning to friends.

 

Despite what happened your daughter and her boyfriend sound like responsible and considerate people, going to the lengths they did to try to take care of the problems that arose.  Even when fleeing a fire wrapped in just a towel your daughter thought further and shut off the electricity to the house.  Please remind her of this, and of everything else she did to address issues and problems.

 

Turning off the wrong breakers is highly understandable, so don't let your daughter beat herself up about that, either.  Those panels can be quite confusing and the way things are wired it can be hard to tell which switches must be kept on.  Where we live we have the threat of hurricanes and power outages from time to time, and we have a generator to power just certain things.  Even with past experience and labeling of breakers each time my engineer DH hooks up the generator we have to do a trial-and-error check of everything to make sure the breakers we need are turned on and the ones we don't need aren't.  We NEVER get it right right off the bat.  I suspect our builders wired things rather oddly to stay inside certain rules and guidelines while installing a minimum of breaker switches.

 

Thank you for turning to friends and family, both local and distant (and online) for support and ears and shoulders.  I'm glad you aren't trying to go this alone.  Do keep on taking care of yourself.  It's also okay to tell your family (kids, too) what needs to happen and enlist their assistance -- no task is too small to be considered for delegation or assistance, and spontaneous hugs given when Mom pauses for a moment and reminders that she should get something to drink are things even toddlers can do if they know that Mommy needs them.  It helps kids feel they are not entirely powerless if they have things to do to assist in the recovery; they have power to change a bad situation instead of just being powerless victims the bad happened to.  Battered spirits leaning on each other are always stronger than one battered spirit trying to shore up all of the others.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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Soror

Soror

Posted
Posted (edited)

Your poor daughter and boyfriend :(

 

 

Our clothes were all on the opposite of the house so none were burned but in the end they might as well been they were so damaged they ended up with stains I couldn't get out and were so brittle they would fall apart. I believe I was able to save a couple of things but that was it. People are generally very quick to donate clothes- how they fit and whether you like them is another thing- being able to get clothes that are actually you was sure nice- mom and I went to Goodwill to go shopping shortly afterwards.

 

Be prepared to have some difficulty with hearing or seeing other people with fires. It doesn't bother me as bad but for awhile it just brought it all back. 

 

Getting a place is good, you need a homebase. A please to retreat to and think and relax and have quiet and be to yourself, a place to escape it all even when you can't. 

 

REading your story made me think of part of my own- I'm sharing a bit but but I'm going to white it out so you don't have to read it if it is traumatizing. Some times it helps to know there are people that have went through similar and sometimes it is too much.

 

 

 

Only my husband was home when ours burned he nearly didn't hear the alarm as he was sleeping downstairs(he worked nights). He rushed up trying to put it out with our little extinguisher but didn't know it was too far gone. He managed to throw a couple things out the door but he just wasn't able to think, he threw the receiver to the phone but left the base. He only had shorts on, no shoes or anything else. The paramedics called at my mom's house but talked to her not me. I came home not knowing how bad it was and if my dh was hurt (and 9 mo. pregnant). Then there were all these people there going through what used to be my house. Then all these people yet again watching as my husband and I embraced. 

 

 

 

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Barb_

Barb_

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Hugs to you all.  Hang in there, and keep turning to friends.

 

Despite what happened your daughter and her boyfriend sound like responsible and considerate people, going to the lengths they did to try to take care of the problems that arose.  Even when fleeing a fire wrapped in just a towel your daughter thought further and shut off the electricity to the house.  Please remind her of this, and of everything else she did to address issues and problems.

 

Turning off the wrong breakers is highly understandable, so don't let your daughter beat herself up about that, either.  Those panels can be quite confusing and the way things are wired it can be hard to tell which switches must be kept on.  Where we live we have the threat of hurricanes and power outages from time to time, and we have a generator to power just certain things.  Even with past experience and labeling of breakers each time my engineer DH hooks up the generator we have to do a trial-and-error check of everything to make sure the breakers we need are turned on and the ones we don't need aren't.  We NEVER get it right right off the bat.  I suspect our builders wired things rather oddly to stay inside certain rules and guidelines while installing a minimum of breaker switches.

 

Thank you for turning to friends and family, both local and distant (and online) for support and ears and shoulders.  I'm glad you aren't trying to go this alone.  Do keep on taking care of yourself.  It's also okay to tell your family (kids, too) what needs to happen and enlist their assistance -- no task is too small to be considered for delegation or assistance, and spontaneous hugs given when Mom pauses for a moment and reminders that she should get something to drink are things even toddlers can do if they know that Mommy needs them.  It helps kids feel they are not entirely powerless if they have things to do to assist in the recovery; they have power to change a bad situation instead of just being powerless victims the bad happened to.  Battered spirits leaning on each other are always stronger than one battered spirit trying to shore up all of the others.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Thank you for saying this.  I having trouble counteracting the self loathing she feels.  I told her, Look...you texted me you were lighting scented candles and I should have said that was a bad idea and asked you not too.  I thought I was being paranoid. Accidents are a series of small bad decisions."  

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Barb_

Barb_

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Your poor daughter and boyfriend :(

 

 

Our clothes were all on the opposite of the house so none were burned but in the end they might as well been they were so damaged they ended up with stains I couldn't get out and were so brittle they would fall apart. I believe I was able to save a couple of things but that was it. People are generally very quick to donate clothes- how they fit and whether you like them is another thing- being able to get clothes that are actually you was sure nice- mom and I went to Goodwill to go shopping shortly afterwards.

 

Be prepared to have some difficulty with hearing or seeing other people with fires. It doesn't bother me as bad but for awhile it just brought it all back. 

 

Getting a place is good, you need a homebase. A please to retreat to and think and relax and have quiet and be to yourself, a place to escape it all even when you can't. 

 

REading your story made me think of part of my own- I'm sharing a bit but but I'm going to white it out so you don't have to read it if it is traumatizing. Some times it helps to know there are people that have went through similar and sometimes it is too much.

 

 

 

Only my husband was home when ours burned he nearly didn't hear the alarm as he was sleeping downstairs(he worked nights). He rushed up trying to put it out with our little extinguisher but didn't know it was too far gone. He managed to throw a couple things out the door but he just wasn't able to think, he threw the receiver to the phone but left the base. He only had shorts on, no shoes or anything else. The paramedics called at my mom's house but talked to her not me. I came home not knowing how bad it was and if my dh was hurt (and 9 mo. pregnant). Then there were all these people there going through what used to be my house. Then all these people yet again watching as my husband and I embraced. 

 

 

 

 

 

Soror, thank you for sharing your story with me.  I'm so sorry that you've been through this too.  It's weird the things you think of in a panic.  We are lucky because we have clothes and toys and necessities and school books.  We spend the summers in Chicago with my husband so we take all of that with us.  It's home here too because this is our 6th summer.  My big kids share a house at college and have most of their personal items with them.  I also recently found out the garage was untouched which is both a blessing and a curse.  A lot of our overflow toys are out there but so is a lot of junk I was headed home to clean out and get rid of.  So I have no house, but still have a garage to clean.  What unfunny irony.

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Valley Girl

Valley Girl

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And like someone mentioned: Sit down and have a good cry. This is a tremendous loss. There will be things that cannot be replaced. I would imagine once the shock wears off, it will feel like part of your life has vanished.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Even though we are all glad that no people were injured, you have lost many dear things. It's not just okay but absolutely necessary to grieve that loss.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

This. Of course, the most important thing is that no one was hurt. Thank God for that. You know and feel that with all your heart. But it is absolutely OK and, as Liz CA said, necessary to give yourself time to grieve the loss. Your poor DD is going to need help, too, I think. I can only imagine how terrible she must be feeling even though it was just an awful, awful accident. I'm so sorry for what's happened to your family. I hope the insurance company is a good one and that the people who work with you do their best to make this incredibly difficult process as easy as possible.

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PrincessMommy

PrincessMommy

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I am so, so sorry...  I have no words.   It's almost the one year anniversary of the fire above my daughter's appt. that left them homeless.  They lost just about everything due to smoke and water (you are not exaggerating about how much water they use to douse a fire.).  I can't imagine what you're going through.

 

Lots of hugs and prayers

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ErinE

ErinE

Posted
Posted

 

Thank you again for your kindness and moral support.  I keep reading all the nice comments and I've taken some of the excellent advice.  You are all amazing people.

 

 

Thanks for the update. I've been thinking about your family and you since you posted. I hope you've received a lot of advice that can help you through the next steps.

 

I'm glad your daughter and her boyfriend are okay. Poor thing! She was trying to help, but things just kept getting worse.

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Barb_

Barb_

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Thanks for the update. I've been thinking about your family and you since you posted. I hope you've received a lot of advice that can help you through the next steps.

 

I'm glad your daughter and her boyfriend are okay. Poor thing! She was trying to help, but things just kept getting worse.

 

That's it exactly.  She has had some serious personal crises over the past 2 years and said she was trying to help make amends for the emotional upheaval she feels like she has caused.  Which makes this so much worse for her.  Fortunately she already has a therapist she trusts back in Tucson.  

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lailasmum

lailasmum

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Posted (edited)

I've experienced two house fires in my life. I don't remember much about the first because I was about 9 and it was on the smaller side and just wrecked a small area. I mostly remember being rushed out of the house and all the chaos afterwards.

 

The second fire was about 14 1/2 years ago and we lost close to all our belongings and it was made worse by the time of year (deep winter) and the fact there was a firefighter's strike on at the time so the army put the fire out. We lived in an apartment block and the place was just trashed, no roof and lots of caved in beams. We weren't allowed in for a couple of weeks because they needed to assess the structural safety but when we finally did we lost most belongings to water damage and smoke but also being so damp there was massive mould and fungus growing on everything. It was a very surreal experience. We stayed with friends for the next couple of months before we moved properly and got given a lot of clothes and things. It's hard not to feel a burden in these situations and your vulnerability just hits home. Since we lost so much I have found myself to be very unattached to belongings, I'm sure it's got a lot to do with how easily you can lose it all. This amount of time on it does seem like a dream but It did change my views on what home is/what our needs are and I don't think that's been a good thing necessarily. I think the mental repercussions can take a while to be realised. It's not something I think about much these days but we have a single pillowcase from our bed linen at that time and I really hate coming across it when it occasionally gets brought out and used.

Edited by lailasmum
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goldberry

goldberry

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Posted

Barb, I would not have been thinking straight when faced with an awful smell. It's a good lesson for all of us to realize that fumes can ignite -- that's something that most of us wouldn't have imagined.

 

I could absolutely see myself doing the same thing.  How devastating!  We are just people, trying to do the best we can.  Hugs to you and your poor daughter!

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AMJ

AMJ

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Thank you for saying this.  I having trouble counteracting the self loathing she feels.  I told her, Look...you texted me you were lighting scented candles and I should have said that was a bad idea and asked you not too.  I thought I was being paranoid. Accidents are a series of small bad decisions."  

 

 

Even more reason she should not be assuming the blame -- she notified an adult in authority, and the adult didn't foresee and mention any problem with the candles.  SHE CHECKED before leaving the burning candles unattended.  Most adults would never have thought that the fumes from the cleaning could ignite.  This quite literally could have happened to nearly EVERYONE.

 

We have ALL learned an important lesson from this unfortunate event because you shared the details with us -- common cleanser fumes can ignite.  I will be telling my extended family about this fire, too, because I can easily imagine one or more of them also encountering similar circumstances and making similar decisions.  Shoot, I would never have given the cleaning fumes a thought outside of whether they were going to exacerbate anyone's allergies.  We have a gas stove we use daily -- it doesn't take a candle to cause a similar event.

 

So I repeat:  Your daughter and her boyfriend were acting responsibly.  She/they checked on the house for you, and in following your procedure of turning off some breakers when they left they made a small mistake that grew into a big problem.  When they discovered problems they acted promptly to halt them and redress the damage (bad food removed and restocked, items cleaned thoroughly, odors addressed, fire discovered and reported promptly, people evacuated without delay, electricity to house cut off, parents notified promptly but only after people were safe and help was summoned).  THIS SHOWS AN AMAZING DEGREE OF LEVELHEADEDNESS IN A CRISIS.

 

There are take-aways, lessons to be learned:  

  • Greater familiarization with breaker switches is needed to (hopefully) prevent turning off the wrong switch, and
  • AFTER turning off breakers checking the things that must stay running to be sure they are still running.  
  • Having someone check the house and freezer every few days would also be good, since storms and/or power outages (even just power fluctuations) can also cause a freezer to shut off and food to start thawing.  They can also bring in the mail and papers and generally make it look like the house is still occupied.
  • When cleaning anywhere ventilate the area thoroughly before starting any flames, including stoves, candles, fireplaces, or tobacco.
  • Stay confident in yourselves, because in the true crisis what truly mattered happened quickly, intelligently, and without delay.  DON'T LET HINDSIGHT ERODE YOUR CONFIDENCE -- doing so can cause you to freeze up and fail to act promptly in future events.

Above all, breathe deep and hug each other.  No one was seriously hurt.  Every time that happens -- for anyone -- I am eternally grateful.

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

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38carrots

38carrots

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Posted

Thank you for saying this.  I having trouble counteracting the self loathing she feels.  I told her, Look...you texted me you were lighting scented candles and I should have said that was a bad idea and asked you not too.  I thought I was being paranoid. Accidents are a series of small bad decisions."  

 

I don't think she made any "small bad decisions." 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

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